On a side note, people need to stop giving Trump shit about his hair. After all, we've seen it before, and we didn't seem to mind it when it was on the head of America's most lovable scamp, so lay off already.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
White House Correspondent's Dinner
If Trump thinks so little of Obama, why is he there?
On a side note, people need to stop giving Trump shit about his hair. After all, we've seen it before, and we didn't seem to mind it when it was on the head of America's most lovable scamp, so lay off already.
On a side note, people need to stop giving Trump shit about his hair. After all, we've seen it before, and we didn't seem to mind it when it was on the head of America's most lovable scamp, so lay off already.
The Royal Wedding.
Why are wedding vows exchanged in the beginning of the ceremony? I mean, after five minutes, they were offically married. Then we had to sit around for another 55 minutes. Isn't the exchange of vows the climax? I don't start out a session of lovemaking by jizzing on a girl's tits, and THEN spend an hour slowly dripping vodka into her water drop by drop, do I? What the hell?
Also, isn't part of the fun secretly hoping that the second before the "I do", someone will freak out and not do it? Wouldn't it be good to at least have that to look forward to during the ceremony? Get that out of the way so quickly, and you're basically just sitting around in a suit listening to crappy songs that nobody really cares about.
Also, isn't part of the fun secretly hoping that the second before the "I do", someone will freak out and not do it? Wouldn't it be good to at least have that to look forward to during the ceremony? Get that out of the way so quickly, and you're basically just sitting around in a suit listening to crappy songs that nobody really cares about.
The Royal Wedding.
Gay May
1) No drinking except on Softball Sunday.
2) No fast food/delivery
3) Write a one-act play about a Pee-Wee football coach in the locker room during halftime of a game, losing his shit screaming at his 6 year-old players.
4) Walk three miles a day.
2) No fast food/delivery
3) Write a one-act play about a Pee-Wee football coach in the locker room during halftime of a game, losing his shit screaming at his 6 year-old players.
4) Walk three miles a day.
 |
| "Are you fucking him, like your mother does half the town? HIT HIM, you fucking faggot!!!!" |
Seriously, There's Gotta Be a Better Way to Scare Stupid White People
North Carolina locking out Sharia law from sneaking into it's laws:
Country A: Hi. We're here to overwhelm you with violence and then rule your people with our own set of laws.
Country B: I'm sorry, I'd love to help you, but we have a law that says that we are to stay in charge of ourselves.
Country A: Oh. Well, that's unfortunate.
Country B: Sorry about that.
Country A: Is there a manager I can speak with?
Country B: I'm so sorry, he's not in right now.
Country A: Okay...okay, I guess I'll be off then.
Country B: Good luck!
Also, I'm pretty sure that even foreigners as loveable as, say, Wills & Kate, can't decide to weigh in on a case in North Carolina because "that's how we do it back home" and have it taken seriously, since the court would be following a set of codes defined as, ta-da, the law.
I've spent very little time in a courtroom, but I don't think I've ever heard of a judge starting out a trial with "okay Mr. So and So, which set of laws would you like to apply to this case?" But then, I've never seen Law & Order, so what the fuck do I know?
Though state Rep. George Cleveland (R), one of the sponsors of the bill, told the News & Observer that the bill is "to ensure that any individual in this state does not have to worry about being taken advantage of by foreign laws. It's barring any international law."
This whole "passing a law that states other laws can't sneak in" is confusing stuff. Most of all, if you suddenly find yourself under the rule of a foreign law, then you're probably already in deep shit. I'm no historian, but I'm pretty sure things almost never went like this:
"If Sharia law tries to be enforced in the state," Cleveland said, "yeah, it would do it."
Country A: Hi. We're here to overwhelm you with violence and then rule your people with our own set of laws.
Country B: I'm sorry, I'd love to help you, but we have a law that says that we are to stay in charge of ourselves.
Country A: Oh. Well, that's unfortunate.
Country B: Sorry about that.
Country A: Is there a manager I can speak with?
Country B: I'm so sorry, he's not in right now.
Country A: Okay...okay, I guess I'll be off then.
Country B: Good luck!
Also, I'm pretty sure that even foreigners as loveable as, say, Wills & Kate, can't decide to weigh in on a case in North Carolina because "that's how we do it back home" and have it taken seriously, since the court would be following a set of codes defined as, ta-da, the law.
I've spent very little time in a courtroom, but I don't think I've ever heard of a judge starting out a trial with "okay Mr. So and So, which set of laws would you like to apply to this case?" But then, I've never seen Law & Order, so what the fuck do I know?
IBD
Via a link from Sully, I see this:
"Inflammatory bowel disease" has got to be the least sexy malady out there, trumped only by elephantiasis of the nuts or scabies. Most people have never heard of it, which necessitates at least a brief explanation involving the words "anus and rectum." "But what does it do?" concerned friends ask, to which I usually reply, "It makes me poop my pants." Talk about a conversation killer. No one has ever followed that one with "Please tell me more."What? Are you (wait for it...) shitting me? I literally can think of nothing that could come up in a conversation that would make me reload a bucket of popcorn, get in my footy pajamas and prop up my chin with both elbows before asking "Please tell me more" more than "on occasion, I shit my pants." I mean, camon - if your friends are so dull they don't ask for a follow-up to that, then you need new friends, dear.
O'drama
Now that people have had to shift their racism from where Obama was born ("birthers") to what kind of a student he was ("skoolers"?), what happens if it turns out Obama WAS a crappy student? Wouldn't that make him more "American" in their eyes, wouldn't that finally endear him to them? After all, weren't we sold on George Bush partly by his being a "crappy C-student, just like you!"? Isn't it the GOP that has demanded it's the anti-intellectual party? Sarah Palin wears her illiteracy like a badge. I mean, you can't call Obama an egghead elitest, and then turn around and complain he didn't get good enough grades in college. If it turns out Obama really is stupid, the Republicans should rightfully claim him as one of their own.
On a side note, if a case can be made that someone's not qualified for the presidency based on his or her grades in college, shouldn't one's being allowed to vote be based on the same?
On a side-side note, if Obama doesn't start growing the biggest afro in the world starting on January 20, 2012, I'm moving to Canada.
On a side note, if a case can be made that someone's not qualified for the presidency based on his or her grades in college, shouldn't one's being allowed to vote be based on the same?
On a side-side note, if Obama doesn't start growing the biggest afro in the world starting on January 20, 2012, I'm moving to Canada.
What?
At this point it's hard to even notice "yet another white guy isn't crazy about black people being black, but Tommy Tuberville was the coach at Ole Miss when I lived at Oxford, so THIS POST caught my eye.
Personally, I'd like to see Tuberville make himself look even more like an idiot - the day after this interview was the day Obama released the long-form birth certificate (you know, the Photoshopped one), so I'd like to see Tuberville go up against Trump for "Biggest Racist in the Country" and claim he was the reason Obama did it. Ha!
HANNITY: He (Obama) could just get the birth certificate and it’d all over and I’m just curious why he wouldn’t do that?My bold (as opposed to, I guess, an armadillo's.) First of all, you're correct in thinking "why the fuck is a college football coach on tv talking politics?" But the point is, Tommy Tuberville thinks that his simply saying "I'm an American" means we should think he's an American, without question. That's the end of the argument for him. He didn't pull out any evidence of this fact, and, of course, Sean Hannity didn't ask him for any. To both men, such a thing wouldn't even occur to them, and if you think this is for any other reason other than Tuberville and Hannity are white and Obama's not, then you're lying to yourself, or are even dumber than I already think you are.
TUBERVILLE: We’ve got enough controversy in this country, I don’t know why he wouldn’t just step up and say here it is.
HANNITY: Move on.
TUBERVILLE: Obviously there’s got to be something on there that he doesn’t want anyone to see. I don’t understand it. I’m an American. I don’t understand why we just go through this. I think it just continues to divide the country.
Personally, I'd like to see Tuberville make himself look even more like an idiot - the day after this interview was the day Obama released the long-form birth certificate (you know, the Photoshopped one), so I'd like to see Tuberville go up against Trump for "Biggest Racist in the Country" and claim he was the reason Obama did it. Ha!
Friday, April 29, 2011
The Royal Wedding (Unprecedented Xmastime Update)
It's very easy for me to imagine why we're all so wrapped up in this wedding. In our earliest days of childhood, we're told wondrous stories of kings and queens and princes and princesses, stories either of history or fairy tales. The fairy tales were as real as the Disney characters we so closely followed at the same age, so when we get a chance to witness actual royalty doing historic, royal things that we forget exists in a modern world, it's exciting - it's as close a connection to those kings and queens of our imaginations as we could ever possibly come in real life. And in today's day and age, with this couple in particular, it's easy for us to watch such a ceremony handed down through thousands of years of stoic, British tradition and know that there will also be a night a year from now during which these two people will be laughing at The Hangover 2 while dusting off a bag of Cheetos.
More importantly, there is a generational touchstone to such an event that will be remembered for years and years to come - I remember getting up at 4am to watch Charles and Diana's wedding, and here I am watching his son do the same thirty years later, at what turns out to be almost exactly the same age as my own father was (him that day 38 years, 7 months, and 17 days, me today at 38 years, 9 months, and 15 days.) Throw in the world's collective memory of "I watched this boy grow up, from being born to his mother's funeral and now this morning," and it's easy to get caught up in things. It's also why we'll probably pay attention to Harry's wedding more than we cared about Charles' brothers' weddings - when children lose their mother, their community always feels possessive and wants to help protect them. I've been there, maybe that's why I'm so connected to these boys; meanwhile, their community just happens to be most of the planet.
Of COURSE the whole thing is kind of silly in and of itself, and NO it's not going to change your life, but if one moment can encapsulate everything in this post then that's a pretty good moment, and moments like that can add up to make us happier than we'd otherwise be.
Most days are forgettable at best, willfully forgettable at worst. This was not one of them.
More importantly, there is a generational touchstone to such an event that will be remembered for years and years to come - I remember getting up at 4am to watch Charles and Diana's wedding, and here I am watching his son do the same thirty years later, at what turns out to be almost exactly the same age as my own father was (him that day 38 years, 7 months, and 17 days, me today at 38 years, 9 months, and 15 days.) Throw in the world's collective memory of "I watched this boy grow up, from being born to his mother's funeral and now this morning," and it's easy to get caught up in things. It's also why we'll probably pay attention to Harry's wedding more than we cared about Charles' brothers' weddings - when children lose their mother, their community always feels possessive and wants to help protect them. I've been there, maybe that's why I'm so connected to these boys; meanwhile, their community just happens to be most of the planet.
Of COURSE the whole thing is kind of silly in and of itself, and NO it's not going to change your life, but if one moment can encapsulate everything in this post then that's a pretty good moment, and moments like that can add up to make us happier than we'd otherwise be.
Most days are forgettable at best, willfully forgettable at worst. This was not one of them.
Mrs. Xmastime, Royal Wedding Division
(obviously burn that fucking hat and shoot the ashes into outer space, but lookit them chompers!)
The Beatles Were So Amazing...
Royal Wedding
I was surprised that they included the "if anyone objects, say so now or forever hold their peace" bit in such a wedding. I mean, that's a pretty big matzah ball to lay out there, no?
Things I Think About.
111 Male Characters of British Literature
in order of bangability.
How is Heathcliff only #12? I thought he was the perfect embodiment of the female dream: pig-fucker douchebag who smolders with intensity, and then has the good sense to go away and not come back until he's filthy rich. Wtf? How can a coupla nerds from The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbitt beat that? What, Jeeves got lost in the shuffle here?
How is Heathcliff only #12? I thought he was the perfect embodiment of the female dream: pig-fucker douchebag who smolders with intensity, and then has the good sense to go away and not come back until he's filthy rich. Wtf? How can a coupla nerds from The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbitt beat that? What, Jeeves got lost in the shuffle here?
The Royal Wedding.
Anyway, I'm glad I saw it happen live. All the incredible stories of Americans over there, the camaraderie et al on the streets of London, make me feel like I was a small part of it, even if only thousands of miles away via television.
Looking Forward to the Clusterfuck
We can only hope Trump hangs in for at least one GOP debate, since it will, incredibly, eclipse THIS CLASSIC in "what the fuck?"-ness.
Fingers crossed!!!!
Fingers crossed!!!!
Why is It Called The Voice?
Based on the countless number of commercials NBC has shoved down our throats, I can't help but wonder if The Voice shouldn't actually be named Saaaaaaaay, That Christina Aguilera Sure Has Some Nice Breasts, Doesn't She?
Gallery of Great Moments in Space
Gallery of Great Moments in Space HERE.
One of which apparently included Xmastime Hall of Famer Paul Lynde. Interesting.
One of which apparently included Xmastime Hall of Famer Paul Lynde. Interesting.
Les Fighting Princes
Sully points out something interesting HERE:
It's also a reminder that as much as we like to think we do, our leaders having any military experience is something we don't really give a shit about. Hell, we STILL don't have any idea what Dubyanuts was doing for 18 months when he was in the Guard, and yet the only person who faced any consequences for it was Dan Rather.
The Royal Family's engagement with military service at all levels is something Americans don't always appreciate. It's the highest test of patriotism - and perhaps because of their privilege, each generation serves.Obviously neither of the princes is gonna be on the front lines or anything, but I'm amazed every time I read that they're not only in the military, but fly jets, which isn't exactly Joe DiMaggio spending World War II playing baseball with fellow troops. If I was a prince there's no way I'd do that shit - "ummm, hell-O? I'm a prince! I don't risk my incredibly fabulous, sex-filled life, thank you very much!" I'd be the Beetle Bailey of the Royal Guard.
It's also a reminder that as much as we like to think we do, our leaders having any military experience is something we don't really give a shit about. Hell, we STILL don't have any idea what Dubyanuts was doing for 18 months when he was in the Guard, and yet the only person who faced any consequences for it was Dan Rather.
Royal Wedding.
Now everybody in the office is watching the re-run, so I'm enjoying being the only one who's already seen it, smugly pointing out "oh, I remember this!" and emitting that "I dunno, things might fall apart here..." high-pitched hum at various intervals.
Hey, I have so few victories in this life, I gotta savor the flavor when I get one, playahs.
Hey, I have so few victories in this life, I gotta savor the flavor when I get one, playahs.
Nonsense.
Another person smarter than me wants to point out the silliness of our coverage of the Royal Wedding:
As you read this, the big three morning shows -- "Good Morning America," "Today" and "The CBS Morning News" -- are continuing to re-hash, analyze and replay the ceremony on tape while going live to various correspondents and experts in England and elsewhere. The morning shows usually run two hours -- more if an affiliate takes their built-in spillover, but for the sake of argument let's just say they did two hours' worth, and add that to the overnight coverage, which ran four hours, bringing the total to six. And then let's ask ourselves this question: When's the last time the top guns of the American electronic media covered an event, any event, for six hours straight without any significant interruption, at any hour of the day or night?I'd say the answer to that is several days up to and including two days ago, when the media shut down to follow Donald Trump around and report and analyze and re-report and re-analyze everything that came out of his mouth, which was probably only until Charlie Sheen decided to start talking again anyway. Covering the Royal Wedding makes our media look like The Algonquin Round Table compared to how it usually looks.
Life Makes No Sense
I work at a celebrity magazine. No move from any A to F-list celebrity goes unnoticed. There's also an entire style section. Most of the staff is women. And yet from what I can gather, I am the only person in the office who got up at 5:30am to watch the Royal Wedding. Wtf?
Contrasts.
England flawlessly pulls off the Wedding of the Century while we're egging on a guy with the worst comb-over in the world to careen around the world "wondering" if our President is American or smart enough to go to college without white charity. Of course.
I'll Be Honest
I'll be disappointed if "going into that most cherished, unaccessible part of Westminster Abbey to sign the wedding registry" is not a euphemism. Camon. Hell, I might use it myself; it's much classier than when I say I'm about to "polish off a tube of Pringles, heh heh heh."
God Save the Queen
At this moment, you KNOW there's about 100 million people across America thinking "you're damn RIGHT you better sing America the Beautiful, queers!"
Interesting.
There are apparently more black people at the Royal Wedding than at a Springsteen concert.
Troubling Thoughts.
William Arthur Philip Louis
That "Louis" (pronounced "Lew-ee") sounds pretty jarring within that name, no? Like Lord Mountbatten Von Frankie the Rat, no?
Someone Cutting Onions In here?
I admit it - the big overhead shot of her at the end of her walk down the aisle got me a little bit. A little too How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria, wasn't it? HEY - I'M NOT A ROBOT!!!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Three Amigos!
I have no idea why I've never seen this movie. I like Chevy Chase, I LOVE Steve Martin, and I would literally pay money to watch Martin Short read the phone book. Not even out loud, just to himself.
Royal Wedding
Prince William
Thanks, King Dickhead!
Let It Sniff
Stormy Weather
Once upon a time there was a man that lived by the river. He heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town. The report said that the whole town should evacuate immediately. But the man said, "I'm religious, I pray. God loves me. God will save me." But the waters began to rise. A man in a rowing boat came along and he shouted. 'Hey! Hey you! You up there. The town is flooding. I can take you to safety.' But the man shouted back: "I'm religious, I pray. God loves me. God will save me." A helicopter came hovering overhead. A guy with a megaphone shouted. 'Hey! You there! The town is fully flooded. Let me drop down a ladder and I will help you to safety.' But the men shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God would take him to safety. The man then drownned. When he got to the pearly gates of St Peter, he demanded an audience with God. 'Lord,' he said, 'I'm a religious man, I pray. I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?' God said, 'I sent you a radio report, a helicopter, and a guy in a rowing boat. What on earth are you doing here?'
The 2000's
This is no way near exhaustive, but if I was putting together a 9-cd box set of the best songs from the 2000's, I'd consider this to be a good start.
The Loving Family
I'm looking forward to this movie.
Our documentary feature film, currently in production, tells the dramatic story of Mildred and Richard Loving, a black and Cherokee woman married to a white man (against the law in 1958-Virginia) and of their famous anti-miscegenation case argued in the Supreme Court in 1967. Thrown into rat-infested jails and exiled from their hometown for 25 years, the Lovings fought back and changed history. Using rare archival footage, home movies, photographs, interviews with witnesses, friends and family, and poetic visual and narrative sequences, the documentary will build a complex portrait of the couple at the heart of marriage equality in this country. It will also do something rare in storytelling - look at the story itself as it has mutated over the years, with the understanding that history is only as reliable as those who tell it.My bold/italics. As in I grew up in Virginia, and during the many, many, MANY discussions I heard about how awesome Virginia was, this particular case rather curiously never came up.
Happy Birthday Harper Lee
Today is Harper Lee's 85th birthday, and while she's famous for being a recluse, not having given a public interview in 45 years (even staying away from THIS GUY!), I hope she realizes that at 85 there's not a lot of time left and really needs to get moving if she and John Grisham are ever gonna get together and give us A Time to Kill a Mockingbird.
Camon, Harper!!
Matthew McConaughey as Atticus' lawyer grandson in the inevitable film will be delish.
Camon, Harper!!
Matthew McConaughey as Atticus' lawyer grandson in the inevitable film will be delish.
Calling Out H8rs
People who are going out of their way to let you know that they're not going to watch the Royal Wedding because "it's silly" has become the newest "I don't watch television", hasn't it?
Yes, of course it's too silly for you; surely you'll be in your room figuring out how to use the rationality-individualism-equilibrium nexus to jump-start Third World economies while Vivaldi quietly plays in the background. Of course you won't be watching The Real Housewives of Retarded while forwarding the latest "cat plays piano" to all your Facebook friends. You are, after all, much better than that, and we appreciate your letting us know.
Yes, of course it's too silly for you; surely you'll be in your room figuring out how to use the rationality-individualism-equilibrium nexus to jump-start Third World economies while Vivaldi quietly plays in the background. Of course you won't be watching The Real Housewives of Retarded while forwarding the latest "cat plays piano" to all your Facebook friends. You are, after all, much better than that, and we appreciate your letting us know.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The 1990's
This is no way near exhaustive, but if I was putting together a 9-cd box set of the best songs from the 1990's, I'd consider this to be a good start.
Wha-wha-wha-WHHAAAAAAAAAT?*
I was gonna do a "write your own Judd Apatow movie with Mad Libs" like the Sports Guy one from a coupla years ago, but I'm incredibly lazy, so I didn't. Instead, just like my bitching for that Boomerang sequel, how awesome would it be to have a Midnight Run sequel? Maybe Charles Grodin was in on the Bernie Madoff thingee, meets back up with Bobby D, hilarity ensues? Camon! - XMASTIMEDid DeNiro just mention a sequel to Midnight Run to Charlie Rose? Holy shit!!! Dreams CAN come true!!
* this will be the title of every Xmastime post from now on.
The Most Excited I've Ever Been About a Pair of Shoes in My Entire Life
No, those aren't mine in the pic; mine had less blood, as I played above the rim (and you KNOW this, man!)
Dewey Decimal Doo Doo System
I've mentioned several times how much I loves me some shiterature. Ideally it should be kinda thin and silly; rock books are great cuz they're stupid (except book about Beatles recording sessions, such as Revolution in the Head, which I wore out in my Oxford shitter (and think I left it there.)) The king of shiterature will always be any of those David Wallinsky Book of Lists books.
So I thoughtfully took the time to catalog what I have on my Shitersture Shelf at this moment. You're welcome!
* = SLICE
Assassination Vacation, Sarah Vowel*
The Beatles, Allen Kozinn
Our Band Could Be your Life, Michael Azerrad*
The Waiter Rant, The Waiter
Isaac Asminov's Book of Facts*
Slam, Nick Hornby
That Was Then, This is Now, S.E. Hinton
Steinbrenner, Bill Madden
Three Screenplays by Edward Burns*
Hack, Melissa Platt
Bruce Springsteen: Two Hearts, Dave Marsh
The Promise of Bruce Springsteen, Eric Alterman*
The Coming of the French Revolution, Georges Lefebrve*
1001 Things Everyone Should Know About the Universe, William Gutsch*
Big Man, Clarence Clemons
Town Smokes, Pinckney Benedict
The Encyclopedia of Unsolved Mysteries
Please Kill Me, Legs McNeil
It Crawled from the South, Marcus Gray*
The Story of the Ramones, Graham Roumieu
722 Miles: The Building of the NYC Subway, Clifton Hood
Juiced, Jessica Canseco
Soul Asylum: A Musical History, Danny Alexander
Blind Assassin, Margaret Atwood
The Aztecs, Abrams
On the Road with the Ramones, Monte Melnick*
The Clash, Before and After, Pennie Smith*
So I thoughtfully took the time to catalog what I have on my Shitersture Shelf at this moment. You're welcome!
* = SLICE
The Beatles, Allen Kozinn
Our Band Could Be your Life, Michael Azerrad*
The Waiter Rant, The Waiter
Isaac Asminov's Book of Facts*
Slam, Nick Hornby
That Was Then, This is Now, S.E. Hinton
Steinbrenner, Bill Madden
Three Screenplays by Edward Burns*
Hack, Melissa Platt
Bruce Springsteen: Two Hearts, Dave Marsh
The Promise of Bruce Springsteen, Eric Alterman*
The Coming of the French Revolution, Georges Lefebrve*
1001 Things Everyone Should Know About the Universe, William Gutsch*
Big Man, Clarence Clemons
Town Smokes, Pinckney Benedict
The Encyclopedia of Unsolved Mysteries
Please Kill Me, Legs McNeil
It Crawled from the South, Marcus Gray*
The Story of the Ramones, Graham Roumieu
722 Miles: The Building of the NYC Subway, Clifton Hood
Juiced, Jessica Canseco
Soul Asylum: A Musical History, Danny Alexander
Blind Assassin, Margaret Atwood
The Aztecs, Abrams
On the Road with the Ramones, Monte Melnick*
The Clash, Before and After, Pennie Smith*
The Three Stages of Life
Young Adulthood: Hey, pizza and beer - GREAT!
Nearing 40 - Just gimme a fucking beer already.
In the Year 2000...
(is the red one about to tickle someone's balls? wtf?)
"You're Mickey Mantle, Goddammit!"
I've mentioned several times, including HERE, how great the movie 61* is, and it's occurred to me that while this is the 50th anniversary of that historic season, I haven't noticed the Yankees celebrating it at all. It's a long season; I wonder if they have something planned as the season progresses?
I Guess I'll Never Be Able to Run for President
I am the wind:
On a side note, the hospital I was born in burned down to the ground (as opposed to somewhere else, I guess) and is now a strip mall. The first business that went up in it’s place, being an anchor to the future businesses on the land upon which the sun first shone on me? Kentucky Fried Chicken. I was not displeased to learn of this years later when construction on the restaurant began - “Seems right,” I remember thinking. Who knows what turn my life would’ve taken if a Whole Foods had popped up there? I don’t even wanna think about it. The Colonel taking over my birth spot seems as a-propos as us taking over for the Indians, but with less griping and bitching. Sorry, I’m being told I meant to say “Native Indians.”
My college administration building also burned down after I graduated, strangely enough. So for all I know, there is no record out there that I 1) was born 2) graduated college. For all I know the car that I lost my virginity in has since been doused with gasoline, set afire and shoved off a cliff. Which it might have, for sanitary reasons (sorry baby!) I don’t know what this “burning of my past” is trying to tell me. All that’s left I guess is my childhood home and St. Timothy’s; a coupla more well-placed fires and the dissolution of the Beebo’s fruit pie company and my pre-1990’s life will be completely gone. Eighteen years, erased forever. How sad…I loved those little pies.
How Is This Even Possible?
I feel like this should be bigger news:
fools tools of the right will scramble the jets and somehow convince everybody that unless we did this, heroic "small businesses" wouldn't be able to create jobs.
Today, in a 5-4 opinion by Justice Scalia, the Supreme Court effectively eliminated all consumer class actions and left corporate America free to cheat every single one of their customers a few dollars at a time. Scalia’s opinion in AT&T Mobility v. Concepcion permits corporations to refuse to do business with anyone who refuses to sign away their right to bring a class action lawsuit if the corporation breaks the law. After Concepcion, it is only a matter of time before nearly every credit card provider, cell phone company, mail-order business or even every potential employer requires anyone who wants to do business with them to first give up their right to file a class action.I suppose the useful
My Favorite Quote from Crazy Heart
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