Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Xmastime TV Alert

Mostly I'm reminded of a college professor who introduced me to my super-slice Peter Leroy, and his telling of the first time he met the author Eric Kraft - he had been expecting to meet a small-time, scrambling to have his little stories published in whatever periodical would have them writer. Turns out Kraft had put together a series of children's textbooks that were accepted as the standard curricula for Texas and California. My professor was still chuckling almost two decades later at his slight disappointment upon seeing Kraft come rolling up the street in his brand new Porsche. -  XMASTIME
TONIGHT ON PBS:
Independent Lens looks into the debate over textbooks. Here's their look at 10 Interesting Lessons from Creationist-Inspired Schoolbooks. Wow.

The idea of Texas dictating textbooks all over the land is terrifying, as I've mentioned several times over the years (including having to slap Marley around a bit.)

Beatle Shapiro

Brow Beat is following the Beatles in “real time,” 50 years later, from their first chart-topper to their final rooftop concert. In our latest weekly installment, we check in with the group as they release their first No. 1 record, “ Please Please Me.” (other entries HERE)
This week's Browbeat entry HERE, about a tour starting off with The Beatles as openers and ending with them being...well, The Beatles.
When the Beatles finally hit No. 1 with “Please Please Me,” in the middle of the tour, things began to change. Soon they were getting as much applause as the headliner—and this created some tension. “All the people coming to the show were just waiting for The Beatles,” Harrison later remembered. “It was embarrassing, because she was a very nice person.” This is characteristic of the Beatles’ relationship with Shapiro. They liked her, and she even had a crush on John (who was secretly a married man), but he dismissed her music as “mush.”

A few months later they toured with one of their heroes, Roy Orbison. They shared top billing.

Xmastime Wanteth, Xmastime Geteth

From last May:
Number of My Facebook Friends I'd Bang: 29 
And now, say it with me, there's an app for that.

Of course.

My Dream Job


HAIR PULLING

11) Ladies: after you've received your change from the cashier, step aside and let the next person do his transaction. Don't stand there in front of the line carefully placing your fucking change in your purse and closing it all up nicely and neatly and then putting on your fucking gloves and scarf while we all stand there staring at you, including the cashier, you stupid fuck. Get your change, step aside to do your fucking banking, bitch! - XMATIME
Ran into the perfect storm of frustration tonight: got behind an old lady paying with a checkbook. Wrote out the shit like she was drafting the final copy of The Declaration of Independence, and then didn't budge an inch 'til she had updated all the new fucking info in her transaction booklet. HEAD EXPLODES.

"I would wanna go on it, but I'd totally resent it."

That about sums up the ambivalence that is Williamsburg, Greenpoint, and GIRLS.

Blowing Minds

Some of these are goofy, but this one blew my mind:

38. The Great Pyramid was built circa 2560 BC...

The Great Pyramid was built circa 2560 BC...

... and Cleopatra lived 69 BC – 30 BC...

... and Cleopatra lived 69 BC – 30 BC...

... and the first Moon landing was in 1969, AD...

... and the first Moon landing was in 1969, AD...
... which means Cleopatra lived closer to the Moon landing than she did to the building of the Great Pyramid.
On a side note, those tittays look might nice too, n'est-pas?

Mukluks: illWill

Of Course

Downton Abbey on a Super Nintendo.

Xmastime Classixx

via HERE:
I few years back I wrote a song called “So What.” You can listen to it here if you want. At the time, I felt like an outsider in my own home, someone who had not only taken a wrong turn but had completely missed the day of school they tell you what the turns are. I felt like a complete failure - disconnected, underrated, hungry, forgotten and completely alone. My absolute nadir, I thought. And I wrote the song.  
They say art imitates life. But sometimes life imitates art, and then it gets even worse. Everything I felt back then has gotten even worse. I look back at the song now and think hell, I wish it was only that bad. It’s like writing a song about gee, my girlfriend doesn’t cook for me anymore like she used to. Then the next week you find out she slept with some dude in the office. Then after that you find out she’s been in porn the whole time you’ve been together, then you find out she’s thrown out your Black Tail collection, then it turns out she’s Puck from the “Real World.” Fuck, you’re thinking, as much as it sucked when all she does is not cook, I’d rather be back there. Christ. It’s gotten worse. 
Am I angry now? I feel like a grizzled Sam Elliot laying against a cactus in the desert at noon, sand gritty in every pore, body completely dried out and someone poking at me with a stick. Sometimes a man’s anger is all he has; his only companion, his only inertia. Ready to break, ready to snap, I dunno. Don’t worry, you’re not witnessing a dude having a breakdown or meltdown; I’m not gonna glue pages of the bible to my walls before killing Cub Scouts. But you are looking at a guy more and more willing to err on the side of desperation, a little more ready to say “fuck it” to anything as the minutes creep by. Yes, I am a loser; but right now I feel more like that quote by Paul Westerberg: I’m a loser - not in the sense that I’ve lost anything, but that I’ve got nothing to lose.  
I couldn’t go to my reunion, and let ‘em know what I’ve been doing  
They wouldn’t let me in the door, they didn’t want me anymore 
And my liquor was thrown up, my jeans were all torn up 
And all my friends just looked at me and said “Why don’t you grow up?”
So what so what so what so what       So what so what so what so what  
  
I hated everyone inside, well that’s not true but I sure tried 
I used to be their favorite, now all I am is wasted 
And I guess I’ll just give up, cause I never will live up 
And I’ll just laugh, laugh and laugh, and I’ll pretend it don’t cut
So what so what so what so what        So what so what so what so what 

Looked through the window at them inside, please tell my mother that I didn’t cry 
I used to be her favorite, and all I’ve done is waste it 
So say goodbye to my friends, a good time always ends 
And I’m gonna run, run and run and I ain’t never coming back again
So what so what so what so what      So what so what so what so what

Xmastime Radio Alert!!

AP Mike, last scene on Xmastime on the two podcasts to your right...no, your OTHER right...is the guest of honor on the Tom Scharpling Show tonite!  Tune in! And what a flattering drawing of Mike!!!
Tonight is AP Mike Appreciation Night on The Best Show with Tom Scharpling. What that means exactly, I have no idea. There will be guests and music and, I'm hoping, a few laughs (probably at my expense). Please tune in at 9 pm-12 am EST at wfmu.org.


Dead Astronaut Week

Today is the 25th anniversary of the Challenger explosion; I remember very clearly Mr. Smith announcing it to us in World Geography class. Yes, the same Mr. Smith who, while handing me my trophy as the 1986 World Geography Award Winner, took the time to explain to the entire class that I didn't actually deserve it. Grrrr. - XMASTIME
I had never thought to string together the closeness on the calendar of these events:
Today marks the second in a week of three tragic anniversaries in space exploration. On Jan. 27, 1967, we lost three astronauts in the Apollo 1 fire. On Feb. 1, 2003, seven astronauts died when Columbia broke apart upon re-entering Earth’s atmosphere. And Jan. 28, 1986 is when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded, killing all seven astronauts on board.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Degrees to Buddy Holly

In 1958, Buddy Holly arranged Jennings' first recording session, of "Jolie Blon" and "When Sin Stops (Love Begins)". Holly hired him to play bass. During the "Winter Dance Party Tour," in Clear Lake, Iowa, Holly chartered a plane to arrive at the next venue. Jennings gave up his seat in the plane to J. P. Richardson, who was suffering from a cold. The flight that carried Holly, Richardson and Ritchie Valens crashed, on the day later known as "The Day the Music Died."

Question

Does Sarah Palin leaving FOX News mean Modern Family is back to being the best sitcom on tv?

Slice du Jour Thanks to HBO's GIRLS, Making Me Some Old Fart Born in 1920 Trying to Dig The Beatles


Well. That Hannah Montana

....is coming along right on schedule.

Sigh. What a great show that was.

Women in Combat

I love how we're not supposed to let women serve in combat because it makes men uncomfortable when they're shitting, but it's okay to put men in a situation where they're getting shot at in the first place. Of course. Makes perfect sense.

A Memory



Bye, Bye Sniff American Pie

In case you've been living in a cave and didn't already know, it looks like The Reign of Terror may soon be over thanks to Sarah Palin's latest step into insignificance: her contract not being renewed by  FOX News:
The Palin family as a whole seems to hope for careers in show business, but this is only the latest in a string of failures for them....Maybe now that Fox News has cut ties with Palin, the rest of the television industry will follow suit. Sarah Palin long ago proved she had no real aptitude for governance when she quit her job as governor as Alaska. Her time on Fox proved she didn’t have much spark as a source of news or opinion. And the rest of her family’s efforts suggest that as entertainment, the Palins have nothing to offer us but diminishing returns.
In order for us to celebrate this hopefully final slide into insignificance, let us now rejoice by  making this about me  reviewing some of her greatest moments in that..."reality show" of hers...

Five of my personal favorite favorite bits (you're welcome, Earth!):
But isn't it enough with the fucking fish? Christ, another fucking round of pounding and battering on the ol' tuna boat - what the fuck am I watching, The Best of John Holmes?

The Palin girls are who we need to send over to, say, North Korea to scare Krazy Jong-il. They can just hang out in his bathroom and scare the shit out of him when he goes in it.  "So...Mr. Chink...I understand we have a problem?"  (puts her cigarette out on Willow's forehead, who stares at Jong-Il while smacking her palm with a wooden bat; behind Jong-il Piper locks the door.)

My favorite line from tonight's episode of Sniff Your Enthusiasm is when Sniffy, Todd and Bristol are skeet-shooting, which Lil' Sniffs has never done before. So she's shooting without hitting a single one. Miss, miss, miss. All of a sudden Sniffy shouts out "oooh, close!" . . .What?...you really fucking telling me that you can see a fucking bullet that's about an inch long and traveling almost 1500mph? Really?  Cause I'll be honest - if that's true, you have my vote. Hell, maybe you fucking CAN see Russia from not only your house, but the fucking White House.

TLC has basically laid out this tv series to give Sniffy free reign to control how the world sees her and her family, and yet in the editing room she didn't notice that when she made this remark to her son he looked like she had just cut one.  
Sniffy spends a lot of time on her show every week claiming she deserves a medal because as THE Mama Grizzly, she'd rather her kids not get eaten by a bear. And so on this week's episode, what does she do? Takes 10 kids and puts them in a situation that they have to get training on what to do if a bear attacks them. Of course. If you love your kids so much, maybe you don't put them in situations in which they need to 1) learn how to shoot a rifle  2) know that the more noise they make, the less likely bears will swarm in and eat them. 

Downton Abbey Recap

WARNING: DOWNTON ABBEY SPOILER ALERTS!!

SECOND WARNING: I AM LOOKING THROUGH YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW!!

Like a jackass I raced out and watched all of Series 3 before it started in America, so I've had to keep my mouth shut about Lady Sybil dying until last night.

I think part of what's so great about Downton Abbey is how unoriginal it really as – after all, this whole wife dying after delivering a baby thing was rather famously done by a pre-West Wing Josh Lyman on ER, wasn't it? - and yet we eat it up with a spoon. Yum yum yum!!!

Also, I eagerly await the viral meme based on Matthew's absurd over-acting via frowny faces during the death scene.


Thursday, January 24, 2013

Bruce with Marah

I'll be honest -  I think I can hear Serge's voice :)


THE MOON HOAX

Someone needs to do a study to find out the percentage of people who think the moon landing was a hoax, despite their being video footage of it, yet believe that Jesus did the things he did, despite it being 2000 years ago with zero actual evidence (and certainly not video footage.) I'm guessing that number would be somewhere between 100 and 100 percent. - XMASTIME
Turns out that for all you hoax people out there, the fact is that back in the 1960s it was easier to actually go to the moon than fake it.

This is the same reason I refuse to believe the Kennedy assassinatipn was a "conspiracy." It's harder to trust a group of poeple to shut their mouths about anything than it is to just kill the fucking president.

Mukluks: Sully

Kathryn Bigelo is Still a Goddam Liar

The internet's gone crazy over Kathryn Bigelow's Zero Dark Thirty. Is it true? Is it real? What does it say about torture?

In other words, zzzzzzzzzz.

I stand by what I said about her when The Hurt Locker was out:
I love Anthony Mackie, but I will probably never watch The Hurt Locker. How the HELL am I supposed to believe a single word of the fucking thing if this delicious, sweet sweet piece of ass is trying to tell us she's almost 60 years old? Yagottabeshittinme.

The Shining

Alternate ending to Kubrick's The Shining exposed in a viewing of the script.

I'm glad he didn't include that stupid epilogue, but I'm intrigued by the manager-tossing-the-yellow ball bit:
After we leave Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) frozen in the hedge maze, we cut to a hospital where Overlook manager Stuart Ullman (Barry Nelson) is visiting a recovering Wendy Torrance (Shelley Duvall) along with her son Danny (Danny Lloyd). After some pleasantries that are oddly casual for those recovering from an axe murder, Ullman tells Wendy that investigators searching the hotel “didn’t find the slightest evidence of anything at all out of the ordinary,” and that, amid the trauma, she must have simply been hallucinating. After inviting Wendy and Danny to leave to come stay with him in Los Angeles, he begins to leave, but remembers that he forgot to give something to Danny, and throws him a yellow ball.
Adds to the creepy for, of course, this reason:
The scene explains … the importance of the yellow ball and the role of the hotel manager in the plot,” she said. (Earlier in the film the ball mysteriously rolls up to Danny and lures him toward Room 237, and Duvall took the closing scene as a clue that Ullman was in on it.)

My New Standard Greeting When Meeting New People

"I'm sorry - do you go by (insert name here) or 'Stupid Fucking Asshole'?"

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Xmastime Surprise du Jour

When The Beatles came to America, Herbert Hoover was still alive.

What the...Is This True?

Jim Harbaugh was the first qb Ray Lewis ever sacked?
Here’s a tidbit to give you an idea of how old Ray Lewis is (for a player) and how young Jim Harbaugh is (for a coach): Lewis’ first NFL sack came against Harbaugh in an October 13, 1996 game between the Indianapolis Colts and the Baltimore Ravens.
The long life of sports can be beautiful.

Impossible

The Best Dave Chappelle Sketch Tournament.

Gotdam.

Sheldon Cooper Line du Jour

"It's hard to say no to Yoo-Hoo. The name literally beckons."

What Took So Long du Jour

Emmy-winning Reality TV producers looking to cast a reality show based on GIRLS:
The real life television show we are making follows the trials and tribulations of an ensemble of wise-beyond-their-years young ladies. We are with you living the dream in hipster Brooklyn and lower Manhattan. Only well educated and cultured extroverts need apply. Are you thinking about that show--"Girls?" Well we didn't say it but. . ..now that you mention it.
Of course.

...tho I would like to do a casting call for the real Marnie...

"Whatever it takes, Xmastime...whateeeeeever it takes...well, except that. Eww."

The Goddam Bates Problem

10 THINGS I HOPE TO SEE IN SEASON 3: - Anna gives Bates the "now that you're in prison for life I think it's time we see other people" speech, Bates says something oh-so-Batesy like "thus it should be so" and immediately gets raped by the prison guards. - XMAS TIME 
I wanna strangle Bates and Anna."Were happy! We're sad!" Back and forth and back and forth and for fuck's sake, I'm now rooting for the dead wife to arise from the dead and club them both to a pulp with that leg-straightener thingee he threw into the lake. - XMASTIME
Article HERE re: what everyone I know who watches Downton Abbey thinks: ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING BATES SHIT ALREADY!!!  NOBODY CARES!!!
Downton has long overestimated Bates's appeal —that was so not the sex scene we wanted last season — but last night's episode was the breaking point: He is now the dullest character on a show that spends hours arguing about dinner jackets and real estate.
"On second thought fuck him, leave his old ass in there."

This is Getting to Be Like Watty Day, Isn't It?

I don’t know what the hell happened after that.  Op and I kept drinking, and we kept yapping.  Well, I kept yapping – Op had already used up his hundred or so words for one night.  The gentle rhythm of drinking and talking and drinking and not talking took hold and the night floated on.  One by one, the regulars either drifted off or fell asleep at their stools while groups of hipsters came and went.  Finally I heard a woman’s voice, and I looked up.  It was the girl I had hugged.  Oh oh.  I looked behind her for an accompanying policeman.

Nusker Du

Most everything before Zen Arcade is fairly unlistenable, but it's still pretty cool to see Husker Du in the news.
To celebrate Record Store Day 2013, Hüsker Dü are reissuing "Amusement" and "Statues" along with "Writer's Cramp" and "Let's Go Die," the two other Blackberry Way tracks intended for the 10-inch. It's a revealing look at Hüsker Dü that connects the dots from their obscure early years to their later greatness. The double seven-inch will be limited to 4,000 pressings and is available on April 20th.

Happy Birfday Op!

Here's what I was doing on the two Super Bowls that were played on Op's birthday (you know, back when they played the goddam thing in January), from this list:
1989: Tappahannock, VA. David English's house. Best football player I ever played with (present company obviously excluded.) 
1984: Kino, VA. No memories other than loving watching the Skins get their asses kicked.

Life. I've Figured It Out.

One of my co-worker's daughter is selling Girl Scout cookies, so there's a sign-up sheet on the wall to oder them, and you can check 'DONATE" if you wanna give the cookies to the less fortunate.  The silent minority of the Girl Scout Cookieless of America, I guess. For my box of Tagalongs I checked DONATE, and I don't wanna hear all your weepy "Xmastime, you're a goddam hero!" shit from all of you.  Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, it's not up to me to say.  Probably I am, but, again, don't start with that shit. Mainly, I just want my Office Crush to notice, so she thinks "oh my God, Xmastime is donating his Tagalongs?  What an amazing man!!!!" and then walks over to my cube and asks me to take her to Dairy Queen, and then get married.

Happy Birfday Op!

Of course we celebrate by looking back at Op's birfay on Xmastime through the years, some of which might have to do with him (but prolly not). Here's 2006:
From Things are Good, Part IV
9) This Sunday is my buddy Op’s 34th birthday. Happy Birthday, Op! Op has had quite a “Jesus Year”, as we call the year people are the age Jesus died – we tell people we expect great things that year. I don’t know why we do this; seems to me that if you end your 33rd year without being nailed alive to a piece of wood, your year was better than Jesus.’ Ah well.

Happy Birfday Op!

Of course we celebrate by looking back at Op's birfay on Xmastime through the years, some of which might have to do with him (but prolly not). Here's 2007:
5 Songs I Like Today (Album Week!) 
PSYCHOCANDY - The Jesus and Mary Chain
"The Hardest Walk"
"Never Understand"
"You Trip Me Up"
"Sowing Seeds"
"Taste the Floor"

On a side note, just spent the last hour trying to figger which version of "Head On" I like better, the original or the Pixies? I always thought this was the greatest cover a band from my generation did, like they did in the old days - an earnest, we-love-the-song cover by a contemporary. Is there a better example in the last 20 years of bands who are contemporaries that do such a great cover of the others's song? I'm sure there are, but this one has always meant a lot to me. 
I only saw my Dad laugh out loud once: when I played him my tape of Bill Cosby's "Himself", the part about his father farting and blaming it on elephants. A no-nonsense guy for sure, so you can picture his look of utter disappointment upon opening the door to his 17 year old son's room and seeing this fucking loser boo-hooing like a school-girl and moving the needle back over and over again to replay the line "..and the way I feel tonight, I could die and I wouldn't mind..." after being dumped by his first love. Can still see his face - utter shame mixed with the disgust that reads "who just cut one?" Ah well. The things that connect you to songs, right? A great, great song, both versions. I lean towards the original, but the cover is unstoppable.

Happy Birfday Op!

Of course we celebrate by looking back at Op's birfay on Xmastime through the years, some of which might have to do with him (but prolly not). Here's 2008:
Manning, Manning 
If we hafta sit through a Super Bowl with Eli, can we at least have Peyton do all the commercials? That I'd actually watch.

Happy Birfday Op!

Of course we celebrate by looking back at Op's birfay on Xmastime through the years, some of which might have to do with him (but prolly not). Here's 2009:
Corporate Burping 
While in an office, I've had to switch my caffeine drink-of-choice from Diet Coke to coffee. Normally I can drink gallons of DC with no noticeable effects. But for some reason, whenever I'm in a very quiet office within 5 feet of a woman and drink Diet Coke, I spend hours constantly emitting tiny, hopefully-only-noticed-by-me burps. It's not one loud BRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKK, it's a constant fucking torrent of inside mouth burps. Unreal. Drives me fucking insane. If I'm here for six hours, I spend roughly 350 minutes thinking "oh shit...did she hear that?...oh man, she must've heard that one, that's disgusting...oh god, is this going to stop sometime today..." and on and on. Fucking christ; it's like I'm a fucking bat sending out sonar signals. Wtf. I'm like the goddam 20 year-old family dog that farts constantly. 
Sigh. This is what I've become since being released into corporate America.

Happy Birfday, Op!

Of course we celebrate by looking back at Op's birfay on Xmastime through the years, some of which might have to do with him (but prolly not). Here's 2010:
The Ultimate Honor 
Due to his number of appearance in Xmastime, I am considering Op for submission into the XMASTIME HALL OF FAME. I will review any entries with him over the weekend before making a decision. I wouldn't bet on him making it; I mean, you hafta do more than look like Abe Lincoln, or be the 43rd greatest shortstop in the history of the Williamsburg Softball League to actually make it in. I mean, how the hell could he go in before Sistatime!? And his crying re: McDonald's biscuits are "too heavy" will not help his case. But we'll see. Good luck, hopeful entrant!!!

Happy Birfday Op!

Of course we celebrate by looking back at Op's birfay on Xmastime through the years, some of which might have to do with him (but prolly not). Here's 2011:
Decisions. They've Been Made. 
Yesterday I mentioned how I should make money off of Xmastime:
Maybe a coffee table book, each page with a post wherein I've mentioned squirrels fisting?  Hmm.
Turns out that as I was musing such an idea, it was actually NATIONAL SQUIRREL APPRECIATION DAY!: 
Why there is a day for Squirrels is something we’ll never understand. It appears to have been started by a one Christy Hargrove from Asheville, North Carolina on January 21, 2001. Christy is a wildlife rehabilitator. As such, she created a day to celebrate the awesomeness of squirrels. We don’t know why she has such an appreciation for squirrels herself, but we assume at some point in her life she was attacked by a mugger within a dark alley when, suddenly, a mysterious squirrel swooped in and scurried away with the mugger.
 That seals it. I'm doing the squirrels fisting book, obviously.

Happy Birfday Op!

Of course we celebrate by looking back at Op's birfay on Xmastime through the years, some of which might have to do with him (but prolly not). Here's 2012:
Tumblr Idea du Jour 
Pictures from around the world taken the day you were born.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Oh, Camon TOTAL FAILURE

I can live with thinking this guy was Morgan Freeman...if only he didn't have a fucking Boston Celtic hat on!!!!!

Just a Hunch

I'm glad she was at the Inauguration today. She's now, she's the (recent) past, she is who we are right now.

But I do find it hard to believe that 50 years from now, anyone will remember/give a fuck who Beyonce is. I'm just saying.

#taylorbranch

Yours truly (duh!):
The current state of Washington reminds me of Taylor Branch in Parting the Waters writing "A man with the burning desire to be a saint might well find himself competing with another preacher intent on making a fortune, as all roads converged at the Negro church."

Of course the word "saint" might be a bit generous for even my own most beloved Democratic leaders, but hey.

I think I'll read PTW again, actually - the last time I read it, I was on the first Greyhound Bus to "take off" after the Nashville bus terrorist incident. That was exciting. And I had just met a girl whom I thought was my true love, so that was exciting. And I lost 75 pounds, so that was exciting too. Which led me to banging three chicks in 6 weeks, which was VERY exciting (including #5 on this list HERE.)
And, of course as you recall:
...the John Lewis doc Come Walk in My Shoes is floating around on PBS this week, check it out.  His Walking with the Wind is my favorite Civil Rights book not written by Taylor Branch. 

Halfway There, Whoa, Living On a Prayer

Xmastime on the last Inauguration Day before today:
Good, bad, or ugly, 8 years is a long time. 2001 seems like a different world. There's people I'm incredibly close to now that I didn't know existed 8 years ago. And vice versa. I was only 28 years old. Things matter now that didn't matter then, and vice versa. 8 years is almost a quarter of my life thus far. The only thing I know for sure is 8 years from now I'll be even more depressed, thinking jesus christ...that went fast.

Inaugaration

Speech is a snoozefest so far. Need a Dominos delivery guy to show with a coupla pies for Biden.

Sniffy-Wiffy Droppin' Knowledge

If you want some unintentional comedy, the comments here are delish. From what I can gather, MLK would consider himself lucky to have been shot so he wouldn't hafta be disgusted by Obama shoving this Inauguration "in our faces." Awesome.

Also, really appreciate Sniffy's history lesson on MLK. I, for one, had no idea he voted for Reagan for president. "Twice!"

Black Magic

Any secret black vs. white basketball games talked about on ESPN Classic today, be it the North Carolina College for Negroes against military medical students from Duke or Pistol Pete's 8th grade team playing an all-black team in South Carolina, of course should only remind you of one thing: THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED.

EMERGENCY XMASTIME TV ALERT 10:01AM!!!!!

BLACK MAGIC
ESPN Classic RIGHT NOW!!!!

NYT review HERE.

GREAT great doc. Super slice.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Amazing Coffee Facts!

HERE.
9. The first webcam watched a coffee pot. It allowed researchers at Cambridge to monitor the coffee situation without leaving their desks.
Tho yes, Balzac drinking 50 cups a day is intriguing.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Yeah Yeah, Yeah Yeah

As you already know, I once had a dog named Joe Strummer. As you also already know, I had a massive hit with a song called Joe Strummer. and now, a plaza in Spain is called Plaza de Joe Strummer.

Seriously guys, I have to say, this time I am truly, truly humbled. I can think of no words worthy of this honor than thank you.

Newboyz

People in the office talking about newspaper delivery, whatever that is, made me think of my favorite Peter Leroy story Take the Long Way Home  :)


27 Years Ago Today


What a mess by mmr421

PEANUTS Character Walking on the Moon



HALLELUJAH GODFATHER!!!



Notre Dame + Media = Bullshit

They will tell you not to root for Notre Dame because of its connection to the Catholic Church, which apparently has spent decades protecting pedophiles. Phooey on that, I say - if you REALLY want a reason to not give a shit if Notre Dame wins a game, remember that they currently have two players on the roster who sexually assaulted students, including one who committed suicide a week after telling the police what happened. Neither of these players has missed a game, and will be dressed for the national title game next month. From what I can tell, the girl who committed suicide has not come back to life in the meantime. - XMASTIME
Someone finally points out the media's pathetic obsession over a the death of a girl that never happened, after months of not botherring to care about a one that actually did:
The peculiar mysteries at Notre Dame are almost too numerous to detail today, but one stands out among all the rest:
Why did the university show more public concern for a fake dead woman than a real one?
Mukluks: Rooster (you're welcome!)

The Second Inauguration Who Gives a Shit Blues

I'm not one of those "ohmygod the government is wasting money on cupcakes, that's why we're fucked!!" guys, but I can see someone being annoyed at the vast expense of a president's second inauguration. The first time we get it, there's a changeover, history etc, it's very exciting; the second just kinda feels like the after-party at the 7-11 parking lot. I mean, canon already.

Of course, my Xmastime run during the last Inauguration was pretty fucking awesome. Natch.

Dave Weigel (plus some humblebrag)

Has just found himself on my list.

Rick Reilly Is a Fucking Idiot

The last page of Sports Illustrated used to be the first page I turned to years ago, when Rick Reilly wrote it. Then somehow, somewhere, Reilly became a celebrity chump who for some reason gets paid real money to "write" an "article" about Lance Armstrong hurting his feelings:
Wrote it, said it, tweeted it: "He's clean." Put it in columns, said it on radio, said it on TV. Staked my reputation on it.
"Never failed a drug test," I'd always point out. "Most tested athlete in the world. Tested maybe 500 times. Never flunked one."
Why? Because Armstrong always told me he was clean.
On the record. Off the record. Every kind of record. In Colorado. In Texas. In France. On team buses. In cars. On cell phones.
Um...what? Didn't you at one time pride yourself on being some sort of "reporter"? You couldn't have taken a few minutes to dig around and find out about these drug tests? No no, of course not, your man-crush Lancy-pants said so, so that's that. This is like nobody bothering to make a phone call to see about Manti Te-o's's girlfriend. I mean, way to go guys. I look forward to your next article of indignation, that you trusted Lindsay Lohan as your bff and now she's betrayed you!

Fuck you. You didn't do your job, so now we hafta hear you sniveling like a schoolgirl stood up at the dance.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

A lá Recherge du Temps Perdue Chicken


My parents were from Lowell, Massachusetts, and while my father quickly adopted a Southern drawl and took to sipping iced tea while taking us from one Civil War battlefield to the next, my mother would pass the time by not being able to wrap her head around schools closing just because of a measly eight inches of snow on the ground.  My brother and I would explain to her that most kids came from back roads and farms miles out of town that snowplows couldn’t even get close to, an explanation she would wave off as “absolutely ridiculous” which of course is the exact right response from someone who grew up in a large city where every kid lived within two blocks of their school, albeit an inane one from someone who currently was living fifteen miles out of town on one of those very back roads.

Well, This is Fucking Fantastic

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Dead

Mr. Drummond

Band Name du Jour

The Apple Scruffs


NRA Nutz du Jour

Oh, those whackitty-wahack NRA peeps are at it again:
“Are the president’s kids more important than yours?” the narrator of the group’s 35-second video asks. “Then why is he skeptical about putting armed security in our schools when his kids are protected by armed guards at their school? Mr. Obama demands the wealthy pay their fair share of taxes, but he’s just another elitist hypocrite when it comes to a fair share of security.”  
Umm... yes, the president's children ARE more important than yours. Yours might get blown away in a random school shooting, and that's a tragedy for you, but nobody's gonna grab your kid and hold the country hostage for a few days. Sorry, but nobody's invoking the 25th Amendment if your snotty kid is in the trunk of a car somewhere.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Fucked Up

The guy who brilliantly stole Go The F*ck to Sleep from all of us for some reason has a list of 7 Quintessentially New York Books.

I'm calling bullshit on him since he doesn't include Arthur Nersesian's classic The Fuck Up.

(and no A Tree Grows in Brooklyn??!?!)

Hypocrite Alert

To even dream that ANY president would roll back executive power is a pretty far-fetched dream of naivete. It's like breaking up with your high school girlfriend and thinking that with her next boyfriend she'll start back at necking and light petting. Sorry Skippy, but she picks up right where she left off: toothy blowjobs and ball-licking.  - XMASTIME
COCA-COLA is so graciously getting into the anti-obesity business, via a new ad:
In the ad, slated to hit airwaves this week, Coca-Cola encourages soda drinkers to step away from its regular and oversized beverages—though they fully intend to keep producing them—and instead feast their eyes on the portion-control cans coming soon to a grocery store near you.
Of course. Makes perfect sense. Like The Colonel telling chickens about the salads he has to offer.

Happy MLK Day

Every year on Martin Luther King Day I'm reminded that over 40 years ago a guy from my hometown was approached about assassinating MLK. Well, he lived in Tennessee at the time, moved to my town later on to raise a family, but still. I remember hearing this story and it's freaky - is there anything more sinister than being approached by someone to execute someone else? Is there a more chilling word in the English language than "execution"? Anyways, I went all the way through school with this girl, and after graduation she started dating a good friend of mine, and she told him the story. When he was a young buck in Tennessee, he was known as someone who would not mind there being fewer black people around, apparently. after mulling the offer he declined, saying that he eventually wanted to raise a family et al. A side note, the girl I'm talking about ended up finding out at the age of 23 that one her best friends since first grade was actually her sister. I love small towns!!

But really, how much of a renowned racist do you have to be to get picked for something like this? How do you become THAT famous for hating black people? And we're talking about the mountains of Tennessee in the 1960's; it's not like he was the author of gottstakillmesomekiggahs.blogspot.com, right? Unreal. "Oh, Frank? From Lafayette? Oh yeah, I heard of him, he's good....he's real good. Is he ready for The Show? Let's see..." Real Atticus stuff here.

Tea Party Bullshit is Still Slinging

This mythology that Tea Partiers are gonna get into DC and "fuck some shit up!!" because they're "real" is laughable.  How do we know this, you ask? Anybody remember the name Scott Brown? That's right, wasn't it only a few months ago that Scott Brown was gonna get to the Senate and change everything? Gee, what's happened since? Have you even heard his name once since then?...Sharron Angle can't outwit the Arizona media, but she's going to waltz into DC and become the Congressional moving & shaking  LBJ of our day? Really? - XMASTIME, September 2010
Article HERE on the proud, determined stupidity of the Republican Party. Even in 2012. Sigh.
He [Ted Yoho] is a bog-standard talk radio conservative, only instead of one of those with years of experience navigating the House of Representatives, like his predecessor, he is one who believes that he will shake things up by constantly repeating clichés about being an outsider....This is basically what bad “Project Runway” contestants say, before they are eliminated.

NY Governor Hates Freedom, Jesus, and Jesus’ Scrappy, Lovable Sidekick Baby Jesus; Baby Jesus Inconsolable, Can Barely Screech Out “Fuck You Hippy Faggot!” As He Collapses With Grief-Fueled Rage


It Really IS a Different World

What's the definitive A Different World episode: the one when Dwayne stops my girlfriend Freddie from getting date-raped, or when he and Ron get thrown in the clink for not being white? IS there a more under-rated sitcom than A Different World? - Xmastime
You people know I loves me the fuck outta my superslice A Different World, and here's an article wondering how the fuck it was the last black show to be a hit...and it was over 20 years ago.
In his essential memoir depicting his life in the TV-writing trenches, Billion-Dollar Kiss, Jeffrey Stepakoff gives the most succinct answer to a perpetual question in television circles: Whatever happened to the black sitcom? In the ’70s, series like The Jeffersons, Sanford & Son, and Good Times were Nielsen mainstays, all with either black leads or predominantly black casts. Even more sitcoms featured prominent black characters, often navigating or dealing with a white world. This was all prelude, of course, to the popularity of The Cosby Show, one of the most-watched programs in television history and one that spawned both popular imitators—Family Matters—and a popular sitcom in A Different World. Yet A Different World is the last program with a predominantly black cast to land in the top 10 of the Nielsens, and it seems entirely possible it will hold that title for as long as television continues to exist. Through the ’90s, black sitcoms migrated first to Fox, then to The WB and UPN, and finally to cable outlets like TBS, instead of their once prominent homes on the original “big three” networks. Why?
Unreal. No way I woulda thought that. I mean, it's not just white people that are ignoring the 600 Tyler Perry shows on today?

What a Total Fuckwad

JD Vance's 100-car motorcade over at the Winter Olympics is causing a stir: The VP’s enormous motorcade features dozens of Chevy Suburb...