Funny du Jour

Like anybody else I probably haven't thought of the name Jeff Foxworthy in two decades, but I just heard this bit and it's funny as shit, on why if you broke into his house you're better off being confronted by him and not his wife:

You break into my house, I *will* shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling *why* she shot you. 

[in one breath and at an increasing pace]

"I shot you for coming through the window like that. You know, you ought to get a job like the rest of us. I was up at five forty-five this morning. I had to make lunch for the kids, and then I had to take them to school, then I had to go to work myself. At lunch hour, I had to go get my driver's license renewed, then I had to stop by the grocery store on the way home. Are you listening to me? Are you listening to me? If you bleed on my rug, I'm gonna shoot you again."