Amen.

The Internet Rocks du Jour

I've mentioned many times over the years how much this garage rock comp meant to me; if nothing else it gave me my first listen to the original version of The Vertebrats' uberclassic Left in the Dark. The whole thing is great, and now you can listen to it all here! You're welcome, Earf!

EGG FOO WHAT?! du Jour

A reminder in 2 parts that after almost a year we're still looking to debate Egg Foo Young Monster Rob Reiner:

NO GRAVY ROB??!?!?!?!!?! WHO THE HELL EATS EGG FOO YOUNG LIKE THIS?!!?!?!?

And of course listen to our EFW?! 45 Singles from April:

After griping about Xmastime, Mike helps Greg drop the hammer on Meathead once & for all. #allinthefamily #eggfoowhat

Egg Foo What?! · EFW 45 201 ROB REINER

XMASTIME: Genius Shadow Photographer Artist

TITLE: The Real 2nd Amendment: Fingerguns in America

[SEE PREVIOUS XMASTIME SHADOW PHOTOGRAPHY GENIUS HERE]

NEWEST XMASTIME SERIES: For This, I Will Fight.

 

The Boeb!

In her defense this is probably the first time she’s ever mentioned science, so 🤷‍♂️

Broadway Play Idea

One-act play in which a guy inside his own apartment looks through his peephole & sees someone waiting for him but doesn't know who it is & spends the entire play trying to figure out who the hell it is.

LOOKING FOR INVESTORS, PEOPLE - LET'S DO THIS!! 💰💰💰💰

Pavement Who Cares

As you people already know, 3 of my favorite things are:

1. incredibly strained attempts to connect things to the point of incredulity

2. The Beatles

3. Pavement's debut album, Slanted & Enchanted

So while I yawned about 3 minutes into this oral history of Pavement's swan song album, Terror Twilight, I did get a kick out of this intro:

It may be an overstatement to say Pavement were the Beatles of their generation, but they kinda were. What the Beatles were to ’60s pop, Pavement were to ’90s indie rock—the definitive, pace-setting act of the decade who underwent many surprising and substantial evolutions in a tidy 10-year lifespan. And upon closer inspection, their respective narratives run parallel to an uncanny extent: 1992’s epochal Slanted and Enchanted sparked the initial rush of Pavemania; 1994’s Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain was a Rubber Soul/Revolver-style step toward sophistication; 1995’s messterpiece Wowee Zowee was their ’67-’68 period of lawless experimentation; 1997’s Brighten the Corners was the band’s late-game Abbey Road-esque consolidation of strengths. Their mirror trajectories even extend to the streaming era, where both acts have their Spotify stats topped by songs that weren’t even released as proper singles back in the day.

And then there’s 1999’s Terror Twilight, which was Pavement’s Let It Be—and not just because it represents the finely chiseled tombstone to a brilliant career. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: What began as a loose, live-off-the-floor affair gave way to a more laborious process overseen by a big-name producer (with Nigel Godrich in the Phil Spector role) who put his fancy fingerprints all over the finished product. The result was an album that tried to reconcile the elegant and eccentric extremities of Pavement’s sound into a pristine, next-level pop statement, but instead wound up heralding the band’s demise. And in its wake, Terror Twilight left behind a troubled legacy marked by competing track sequences, divisive reactions, trash talk, and hurt feelings.

I couldn't care less about Terror Twilight but Slanted & Enchanted is a ride or die album for me, and what I consider to be THE album of the first half of the 1990s, even as every Pavement song I ever heard afterwards never did a thing for me. Which makes sense, since I also never really fell under the spell of the tons of copycat slacker bands that tried to follow the Pavement formula, but without Slanted & Enchanted's unrelenting effortlessness. S&E's sloppy, earnest amateurism is charming and wonderful, the ensuing albums of "aren't we way too cool for school?" hipster irony - whether it was the band's fault or not - was neither charming nor wonderful, and certainly the music itself did nothing to transcend such labeling whether it was fair or not.

The weird thing about Slanted & Enchanted is that for months before it came out I'd heard about it throughout the alt-rock music press, which in 1991 was not easy to do for a 19 year-old in Farmville, VA. To this day, I still find it kind of curious how much pre-release attention the record got, which still doesn't make a lot of sense for a band nobody'd heard of: 

Pavement's debut album Slanted And Enchanted was an underground sensation even before its 1992 release: Much like Nirvana's Nevermind, which preceded it by just a few months, the album was copied, traded, and spoken of in hushed tones. It famously got a full-page rave in Spin before the then-fledgling Matador Records had even sent out promotional copies. And, like Nevermind on a more intimate scale, Slanted would prove to be a watershed record with a lasting impact.

Sounds a lot like the annoyingly-desperately-pined-for-before-it-was-even-written-by-an-unknown-author-manuscript that was to become Gone with the Wind. Grrr. GRRR!!

So instead of comparing them to The Beatles, this older article does a better job of comparing their debut to the band they should be compared to, Nirvana.  S&E has always reeked a bit more like Nevermind which rock historians want us to believe magically appeared in record stores one day & changed everything by word of mouth in some sort of noble, organic fashion when the reality is that the record company spent months on a quarter-million dollar marketing blitz for the record. Also they seemed to adopt grunge's annoying "oh no we just release massive records by huge record media companies to be played on MTV all hours of the day but oh no we don't want money or success in any way we're just humble artists waiting to be discovered after we die like Emily Dickinson" bullshit that grunge bands loved to bray about on the way to the bank. 

But I'll always remember exactly where I was when I heard Pavement's first album when it finally came out and to be fair, the band doesn't owe me anything more.

Why Of All Things is "House Cat" the One Thing We Americans are so Hesitant About?

Monday Morning Thoughts. I Have Them.

Republicans want a dictator like Trump because they think that when the shit goes down he'll have their backs; they're like the slave plantation house negro who thinks the Master of the house will return his loyalty and treat him differently than his other slaves should an uprising occur. Much like the house negro of the past, today's Republicans are setting themselves up to be very, very disappointed by their cherished Dictator Trump.

OH SHIT

Guys it looks like those QANON idiots have been right all along 😬😬😬😬

who whoa whoa -

.... if its been that easy this whole time then what else are women not telling us 😳

I refuse to believe its been this easy pic.twitter.com/E26yPYZoaJ

— Today Years Old (@todayyearsoldig) July 30, 2023

Free Speech for Me but Not for Thee

Really incredible how of all people noted Internet shithead Elon Musk seems to really be leaning in on using Trump as a role model.

OFAH du Jour

Phillip Pope played Tony Angelino in an episode of Only Fools and Horses during which he was probably onscreen a total of 3 minutes, but both his scene in the episode and the show overall are so outrageously iconic that 32 years later he can thrill a crowd to the bone wherever he goes by recreating the scene, even if only a part of it. Nobody took to streaming quicker than me, but sometimes there really is something to say about the old monoculture. Amazing. 🤗

It is 2023 and the one and only Phillip Pope aka Tony Angelino singing cwying, with Cassandra and Raquel in attendance at the Comic Con in Manchester🍹#onlyfoolsandhorses #ofah #comedy #TheBest pic.twitter.com/AOe5S5qnyd

— Only Fools And Horses Clips (@foolshorses_) July 31, 2023

Brilliant du Jour

Finally, The Steven Banks Show is Online (for Now!)

I've blathered a million times over the years how much I loved The Steven Banks Show back in my Oxford MS days; more than anything because of the absolutely brilliant Imagine parody, I Miss Paul, which I was lucky enough to be able to post HERE just a few months ago.. But getting a hold of that clip on Youtube has always been iffy until now, when I've found this guy here's has uploaded the entire series online. 🤗

Here's the awesome first episode, closing with the brilliant I Miss Paul scene

Questions. I Have Them.

Is the band from Friends Til the End the best tv movie band of the 1990s? I mean say what we will but the chorus to this song is really fucking great, and they even have 2-3 other listenable to good songs throughout. 🤔🤷‍♂️

(NOTE: video's terrible but shut the fuck up and close your eyes and listen, idiots.)

Xmastime Rando

I can't remember why the subject of God resting on the 7th day came up this weekend but what the hay it reminded me of this from 2008 🤣

On an episode of Little House on the Prairie earlier Caroline was pissed at Charles for working the fields instead of going to church on a Sunday - Sunday is the day of rest, as it's the day God rested. Which got me to thinking about how the God Squad always goes out of it's way to tell you that during the Creation "...and on the 7th Day, God rested." What the fuck...what's the big deal with telling us God rested? If God is so awesome and powerful that he can create the whole universe in a matter of days, is he really the sort that would need a break? Why do these people insist on portraying him as being on the couch, hand down his pants popping open a Diet Mr. Pibb? And then after this big day of rest, what happened? Nothing. There's no big "8th Day" in the Bible...so what the fuck was he even resting up for?

Why didn't these people make it so that he took a break between days 3 and 4, which would at least make SOME sense? Whack to me.

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

I'm officially moving bats onto my list of animals that are just flat-out funny. Congratulations, bats!

Viva lá Tandy!!!!

Just as often as I'm reminded of how much I love The Grinder, I'm reminded of how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE Williamsburg Brooklyn's own Tandy's second record Some Summer's Day from 1998. 

Via 2008:

I’d put the first half of this record up against any record on the planet. One night I was at the Halloween bar and Mike, the singer/songwriter, was there and I told him how much I loved Some Summer’s Day. “Hold on” he said, then left the bar. Hmm, I remember thinking, he just left me and walked out of the bar – is he a woman I'd like to sleep with? A few minutes later he came back. He had gone to his apartment to get me an advance copy of the next album, along with a whole packet of press/media stuff. A super-nice dude. Not so nice was the girl later that night who, after making out with me all night, used the ol’ “I’m leaving for rehab in a few hours” line to get out of going home with me. Grrrr.

GET THEE OVER TO SPOTIFY NOW AND LOVE THIS ALBUM!!!!!! 🤗🤗🤗🤗

Really, Science Sphere and The Secrets of the Universe?

Really had to say "crack" here, did you? Racists. 😡

This is a nipple. Dafuck, guys. 😡

Paging Larry King

Breakfast for dinner no matter how old you get is still fun.

Baltimore Is So Nice...

...that the handicapped pay for your parking. Thanks guys!

Sunday in America Means Talking About Guns

It’s funny that the most vociferous people out there who constantly scream that the government is a feckless ship of fools who can’t do anything right & probably should be disbanded are the same people who believe in the government’s inherent God-given & ordained brilliance when it comes to clinging to a super-old document to point out that government knows best when it comes to insisting on our right to have as many weapons of mass destruction as we’d like.

The Grinder

I feel like too much time rarely goes by without my being reminded of what a bummer it is that The Grinder - easily one of if not the funniest show of this century - only lasted one season. 😡😢

Welcome Back, El Capitano! 🤗🤗🕺

Baltimore Beatles

They even got the bare feet right…dammit Baltimore you got me!! 🤗😜🤣🕺🎸🥁

Come On Now

I don’t know what the hell they’re feeding the birds in Baltimore but it needs to stop now. 😲😬😲😬

Baseball Questions. I Have Them.

Does it seem like a lot to anyone else that 18 of the Yankees losses so far are by one run? 😡

Questions. I Have Them.

Everybody assumes that when Kurt Cobain ended his suicide note with "Its better to burn out than fade away" it's from a Neil Young song because everybody thinks Neil Young is cool but what if he was referring to the intro to Def Leppard's Rock of Ages? 🤔🤷‍♂️

WANT 🤗🤗🤗🤗

You Spelled "S" Wrong, Idiot.

Movie Ideas. I Have Them.

If I was to ever write a comedy screenplay about an overweight guy spiraling into depression I’d call it FORK MARKS IN THE BUTTER.

Last Happy Days Post Today I Promise

"What happened to being cool?" - David Bielanko

As you real Xmastime lovers already know, I blame the end of kids trying to be "cool" on the moment The Fonz chose a coupla nerds as his only friends. And this phenomenon is once again showcased by this sign hanging up in Arnold's for a two-part episode without once being graffiti-ed with the obvious rhyme that any teenager would make if given the chance.

Pitiful!

Happy Days, II

Ye olde Xmastime, back in 2009:

I do not know why there isn't a tv channel that runs Happy Days 24/7

Aaaaaaaaaand all these years later, when the Universe finally catches up to my brilliant ideas:

You're welcome, Earf!

Questions. I Have Them.

If the phrase is "_______ are selling like hotcakes" then why not just sell hotcakes? 🤔 🤷‍♂️

Life. It's About Decisions.

I would never question Fonzie's judgement - I'm not a nerd, after all - but between the two Tuscadero sisters I definitely woulda picked Leather over Pinkie.

I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear the news.

Friday Superslice of Superslices

While I was living in Oxford, MS in 1996 it took me three weeks of calling every morning but I finally wore the local dj down and she found/played Him or Me by Paul Revere & the Raiders.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't this overlooked shoulda-been-a-hit make your coveted Top Fifty Songs of All Time list back in 2007??"

Sigh. Yes it did, faithful readers, YES it did!

Enjoy this right now as much as I have for 30 years 🕺🤗🎸🥁

EGG FOO WHAT?! Comment du Jour

Ideas. I Have Them.

One sitcom trope we need to bring back is "father brings daughter to buy her first used car and is obsessed with not being undermined during the curiously intense negotiations over the price by her being a woman squealing 'omg I love this car & I gotta have it!'".

Kudos du Jour

I'd like to give a sincere Xmastime "Tip-of-the-Mukluks" to the young lady who confronted me on my walk to the Metro yesterday to talk to me about donating to curing cancer for kids while timing it so that if I blew her off I'd then hafta stand there waiting for the light to change for the full 49 seconds feeling like the world's biggest asshole who doesn't deserve to live.

Fantastic Friday EGG FOO WHAT?! du Jour 🤗

Here’s the magical Cheez-It/Hormel casserole I've been threatening everybody with and it turned out so incredible I've turned the “making of” video into the first Marvel movie I'm willing to watch. Enjoy! 🤗🤗🤗🤗

Four Songs I Love Because of the HBO Show GIRLS

I Love It - Icona Pop
Dancing on My Own - Robyn
Completely Not Me - Jenny Lewis
A Girl Like You - The Troggs

Okay of course I’ve always known & loved The Troggs song but I was so just so thrilled to see it pop up on the show when it did so fuck it I’m including it 🤗

Good Queston.

TV Thoughts. I Have Them.

I'm halfway through Season 6 of The Mary Tyler Moore Show and it's still great but man they should've backed up the $$$ truck to keep Rhoda & Phyllis on board.

HOLIDAYS ANNOUNCEMENT!

Forget Elf on a Shelf - this Christmas, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, Baby Jackie Watts is allllllllllllllllways watching!!!!

Legend.

EGG FOO WHAT?! Episode 56

Mike tries to destroy the show by dragging us through every cover song ever, Greg has reinvented (checks notes) (checks notes again) eating bread, and Mike has a great idea thanks to the immortal Jim Valvano. #eggfoowhat

HEAR IT ALL HERE!

Grrrrrrrrrrr du Jour

This is Where We Are as a Species

I've screamed relentlessly for years & years about people in an office who cut a fucking donut in half and then leave it, thinking someone wants their donut rejects but if now I'm having to deal with someone who takes a bite out of a donut hole and then decides to put it back in the box for the next person to "enjoy" then I am really out of the business of trying to understand anything about the world I'm living in anymore.

EGG FOO WHAT?! Episode Outtake, Sort Of

I didn't mention it in tonight's episode but here's a little peak at my "french fry burrito egg roll magic!" dish. Enjoy! 🤗🤣😜🥡🥡 #eggfoowhat

OFAH du Jour: Boycie! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

"Leave off Marlene....." pic.twitter.com/sS96g6g0rF

— Only Fools Videos (@OnlyFoolsVideos) July 30, 2016

RIP Sinead O'Conner

I always thought The Emperor's New Clothes was a better song than Nothing Compares to You

She was 100% right on SNL about the Catholic Church

This is one of my favorite duets of all time

Statements. I Make Them.

80 years ago, both of my grandfathers fought the Nazis to save the world.

60 years ago, my father was a US Marine during the Bay of Pigs before becoming a cop.

Earlier today, I led my marketing group through a spirited game of Family Feud during the company All-Staff meeting.

There are no small roles in history. 😔

Wow du Jour

It's almost impressive they can continue to surprise & amaze us, but in 2023 Republicans have become so absurd that we now find ourselves mumbling “well, say what you will about Trump but at least he's never tried to say slavery was a good thing for black people...”

And yes I know I'm setting myself up for the inevitable moment Trump says something even worse, probably about 3 minutes from now, but still it's just fucking crazy.

Something I Learned Today

Apparently, and I quote because it's so absurd, "Trump supporters are threatening to leave the United States if Trump is convicted. What do you say to them?"

This is what I say to them:

Buh Bye Bye GIFfrom Buh Bye GIFs

New (ish) Xmastime Series!

I call this one, "Shitty Comments I Make in My Head That I Don't Actually Post Because I Don't Wanna Put Such a Thing Out into the World". Enjoy, everybody!

My Heart is the Bodega in the Street

I hate when people say "only in New York kids, only in New York!!" but I feel like the corner bodega experience really IS unique to New Yorkers. The day I moved to Brooklyn was the first time I'd heard the word, and my first memories of my first one one are of me flyin' & Rrthur (YES, ladies, THAT Rrthur!) and Mrs. Rrthur buyin' another 6-pack of Budweiser tallboys; within a week I felt I'd had at least a "good to see you again, friend!" nodding relationship with the Koren owners.

From an article a few years back:

I’ve lived in the same New York City apartment for over 15 years, which means I have made [consults abacus] somewhere in the neighborhood of 400 billion trips to my corner bodega. Jorge’s Deli is practically an extension of my home. Everyone there calls me “boss,” except the one dude who calls me “big guy.” I call everyone “my friend.” They know they’ll keep the change, but they still offer it anyway.

That's exactly how things were at the bodega around the corner from 100 Metro was for my 14 1/2 years there. I'd get a bacon, egg & cheese on a roll, peruse the chips rack and settle on Party Mix for the variety, grab a Daily News and then spend the next 15 minutes cursing at the heavens over the amount of fucking pretzels in the goddam Party Mix bag. 

Here's the bodega on Grand & Berry (right across the street from Kam Sing - magic corner!) I must've visited over 2,500 times from 1998-2012.

Here's my old gang, we used to rob bodegas. I miss this crew! 🤣

(l-r: me, Poochie, Diggity-Dawg,
Bubble Up, Tutti, Frutti)

Shit I almost forgot the entire reason I started yammering about bodegas - there's a short film coming out about "bodega relationships: 

A new short film that debuts Tuesday tells the stories of relationships that develop inside New York City bodegas.

“Gut Punch” follows a New York City resident, named Dan, who is looking to buy probiotics at a local bodega. From there, the movie explores friendships created at these neighborhood hubs.

Enjoy! And you're welcome, Earf!

REM Top 40

To jump on its momentum from basically being the soundtrack for this season of The Bear, R.E.M. just did what I wish every band I love would do: they made a playlist of each band member's 10 favorite R.E.M. songs 🤗🤗🤗🤗

It's a little flawed for older fans; like most bands the members see their songs different from their fans and often have a much more positive view of their newer stuff. They assume 1. all fans have kept up with all the newer records (we have not) and 2. we're as sick of hearing the old classics as they are of playing them (we are not).

WHICH ONE I AGREE THE MOST WITH: Mike Mills

WHICH ONE I DISAGREE THE MOST WITH: Peter Buck

Must say, before seeing the list I would've guess I'd agree the most with Buck. I'm way shocked at his lack of more rocking guitar R.E.M. songs I love.

Mine, in no order, would likely be (I don't HAVE to throw in the standard "this of course could change five minutes from now" note, do I?):

Don't Go Back to Rockville

Radio Free Europe

Moral Kiosk

Finest Worksong

Begin the Begin

Shaking Through

Fall on Me

Strange Currencies

I Believe

Belong

Lots of Worlds Colliding Here, People

Listening to my main man Mad Dog today, I learned it's the 67th anniversary of the sinking of the Andrea Doria.

AND he pointed out that on the same day, Roberto Clemente hit what is still the only walk-off grand-slam inside the park home run in Major League history.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you mention something fascinating about the Andrea Doria just two years ago?"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did:

Like any other human being with human ears I've always loved the songs of Leiber & Stoller - Hound Dog, Yackety Yak, Stand By Me, the list goes on & on - but it wasn't until last week that I learned Mike Stoller was a survivor of the shipwrecked Andrea Doria.

😡😡😡😡

Something I Learned Today

REPUBLICANS AS AN 18 YEAR-OLD KID IS LYING IN THE ICU AFTER A CARDIAC ARREST: this is because of vaccines

REPUBLICANS ATTER YET ANOTHER MASS SCHOOL SHOOTING: this is not the time to talk about gun violence

🤔🤷‍♂️

A Note on LeBron James' Son's Cardiac Arrest

I wouldn't even discuss such a thing except that it seems like he's alright now, but I wonder if there's a little bit of a silver lining here? There's no way he's ever gonna be LeBron, and the expectations on this kid have to be greater than anyone in recent history - or not so recent - so I wonder if at some point this can be a sort of excuse (not the right word) for him to be able to give up on competing in the shadow of his father, therein freeing him from such a heavy burden for the rest of his life? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Only Murders in the Building: an Idea for the Ending

Eventually we go through so many seasons there's literally nobody left in the building except the three main characters; one of them is than murdered and we have to watch the other two fight it out trying to solve the murder.

There are Geniuses in This World and Then There are REAL Geniuses in This World...

...and this cashier shall one day rule them all.

Garfield du Jour: Respect for a Fellow Playah!

Nothing Ever Makes Sense to Me

It’s just kind of funny that working Americans have been wildly duped over the last 40 years – thanks, St. Reagan Trump the First – into being OUTRAGED!!! at the very idea of workers’ unions but none of them seems to have a problem with professional sports leagues not only having unions, but having incredibly strong unions that have orchestrated salaries to go through the roof. You’d think these same working Americans would look at these unions and want the same for themselves but they don’t; maybe it’s the now age-old shit concept of “well as long as I cheer them on fighting for their gazillions, one day I’LL have gazillions myself” kind of thinking that has destroyed so many lives along the way. 

EGG FOO WHAT?! Announcement

DON'T FORGET: if you need some life advice - and you know you do - send a note along to eggfoowhat@yahoo.com & maybe we'll choose yours to discuss (anonymously of course) on our next episode. No problem too big or small! (results not guaranteed)(or probably even wanted).