Saturday, September 30, 2023
Superslice!! 🤗🇬🇧🤣🤗
To the Manor Born premiered 44 years ago today. And yes thank you for reminding me that the always incredible Penelope Keith made my TOP 10 BBC CHARACTERS OF ALL TIME list.
NOTE: Apologies for the stupid music they put in the background for this, I have no idea why such a thing would even cover to anybody 😡😡😡😡
EGG FOO WHAT?! Statement du Jour
Questions. I Have Them.
How stupid do people who accuse the French of always being so eager to surrender feel now? 
Friday, September 29, 2023
I’ll Say This du Jour
Guys if Donald Trump can develop a process wherein water falls out of the sky for free then maybe he really is a stable genius. 
WHOA! I HAD NO IDEA!
Turns out all these years Hayday has been Charles Barkley's favorite band!! Who knew??!? 🎸🕺🏀🤣
Ideas for You YOU'RE WELCOME.
Impress everybody at your next dinner party by pointing out that Full Metal Jacket, Stripes & Teen Wolf are all the exact same in that once the first half is over and there's been a transformation, the movie blows from then on. 🤔🤷♂️
At least unlike the other two, Teen Wolf has Xmastime Hall of Famer Coach Bobby Finstock! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
At least unlike the other two, Teen Wolf has Xmastime Hall of Famer Coach Bobby Finstock! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Questions. I Have Them.
How many total deaths throughout history do you think have been caused by birthday candles being blown out? 🤔🤷♂️
Life & How to Live It
But I'd add all that to the list in the chart on the right (thank you Laurie Anderson at the Hirschorn!).
EGG FOO WHAT?! EMERGENCY ALERT!!!!!!!!
Did I beat Marc Maron to the WTF Podcast a million years ago back in my Williamsburg days!?!?!? 😲🤯 😲🤯 🤣🤣
OFAH du Jour
Okay, since it's Friday and I'm trying to be a nice guy with you people, here's the original scene YOU'RE WELCOME!!
I Was Gonna Title This "Bitches Be Crazy Amirite?" but Took the High Road Instead, You're Welcome
It took more than 10 years but has THE GREATEST SORORITY EMAIL FREAKOUT OF ALL TIME finally been challenged, now by this lunatic wedding couple? 🤔🤷♂️
UPDATE: upon further review the sorority email girl is still the King - sorry, Queen - but good try wedding nutjobs!
Please Don't Kill Me du Jour
Just a great sketch that starts out kinda like okay we get it but just keeps unfolding funnier & funnier as it goes. 😜
Now & Then
I've mentioned the upcoming final Beatles song coming up Now & Then a few times, including HERE, and this just got posted and now all I can think of his how young these people are and can you imagine being born in, say, 1990 and finding yourself recording an actual Beatles song with Paul McCartney and having your name forever being a part of The Beatles? 😲🤯
Dont' Worry, It Could Get Even Worse
Once Republicans figure out Virginia’s Glenn Youngkin is as much of a piece of shit as Trump who as a blank canvassed cypher can deliver all they want without the Trump revulsion baggage then we as a country are totally fucked. - XMASTIME
After watching the "GOP Debate" Wednesday night and witnessing how much even more pathetic these idiots were than last time, I'm moving the odds of them throwing Youngkin into the race as their savior up to 60%. And that shit should terrify you; every white suburban woman who delivered Trump his presidency in 2016 but shied away in 2020 will come roaring back for this piece of shit motherfucker. Be warned.
Thursday, September 28, 2023
Statements. I Have Them.
Grant Hart (I know I don't have to tell you people how much I absolutely LOVE GRANT HART) coming in to sing the chorus after Mould singing the verse is like a black & white tv suddenly turning into color.
Deep Thoughts but Not Really, with Xmastime
The Big Chill has been on Pluto TV nonstop for weeks and The Rewatchables just did an episode for its 40th anniversary and Robbie Robertson just died a few weeks ago so it all reminds me of this:
Was The Band having a go at us in their song The Weight by naming the central character “Fanny”? In that upon hearing it it’s natural to think “take a load off, Fanny” is “take a load off, Annie”. The f-f consecutive sound seems needlessly confusing; perhaps they did it so they could incredulously scoff at people at dinner parties who sang the chorus? I mean, wtf?
Worries. I Have Them.
Sometimes I worry that as a nation we haven’t yet spent a lot of time reflecting on the 11 years I unsuccessfully tried to get the nickname “Cornbread” tagged onto me. I mean what’re we even doing here anymore, people?
Hmmmmmm...
But unless the kind folks over at Baseball-Reference are lying to me, and why would they, the last time the Yankees finished exactly at .500 was 1911. 1911! 112 years ago! Joe Biden was barely a widower! I mean I don't want my beloved Yankees to lose the next 4 games and break their winning season streak, BUUUUUUUUT....wouldn't the .500 be a bit more unique/newsworthy? 🤔🤷♂️
Always here with great advice whenever you need it, New York Yankees.
We Need to Talk About Susan Lucci
Susan Lucci - nom nom nom - is in the latest episode of Welcome to Wrexham, so we're reminded of her losing at the Emmys 18 times before finally snagging one for what I'm guessing from what little I know about soap operas was for pretty much the exact same work she'd done the previous 18 times. I mean, I don't wanna shit on soap opera actors but are we really supposed to believe that every single year for 18 years one of them just blew the doors off everybody tv sets so much that they couldn't just give it to Lucci once the whole "Always a Bridesmand, Never a Bride" thing became a thing?
"Who should I vote for?"I mean I just can't believe the difference between some actor's performance every year and hers were just TOO much to allow for giving the award to Lucci; it's soap opera land, it's not like you feel good about your chances one year and then Denzel goes out and does Training Day so you think "fuck it, I guess I hafta wait til next year." I just find that hard to believe happening in the Emmys world.
"Vote for Susan Lucci, this is her 9th time begin nomited without winning yet."
"Yah..I really want to, but did you see Norma Connolly on General Hospital this season?"
"Who was she?"
"A nurse. Walked around the hospital, gave people bad news. Poured water into plastic pitchers."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"Sorry, Susan Lucci."
Fucking crackers, dogs.
"FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS! (Note - I am not dead quite yet, thank you)"
HOLY CRAP EGG FOO WHAT?! COINCIDENCE?
Just last night on Egg Foo What?! I was griping to Mike about Love Barge not being on the Big Dipper Anthology and now I see that exactly 15 years ago today I wrote this 😲🤯🥡🥡😲🤯
I mean wow it must be nice to have 49 songs better than this one (that sound you hear are my eyes rolling out of my head onto the floor and rolling under the couch, never to be heard from again).
State du Moi
These People Know She's Not Actually Playing, Right?
Rock Me Gently (But Not too Gently)
My Timehop app reminded me - or informed me, I should say - that 49 years ago today Andy Kim released Rock Me Gently, one of the most almost-perfect songs I’ve always loved (which makes sense since Kim also write what may be THE most perfect song I’ve always loved, Sugar Sugar (at only age 22!!)). But right now I’m realizing it’s also a perfect example of a song you hear for so many decades without really thinking about it too much before being totally gut-punched by it - can you even imagine actually feeling, “I have never been loved like this before”? It must happen to people all the time. Incredible. 🤷♂️
If Life's For Livin' What's Livin' For?
It's fascinating that all I ever hear about AI doing is taking over artistic things like writing movies and poems, i.e. things people do because they absolutely love it and the rest of us get the incredible gifts of joy they give us. I never hear any talk of AI taking over studio exec jobs, or lawyers or anything that is corporate bullshit...yes, let's get rid of the world's poets but not project managers.
I wonder if we'll bungle the opportunity of AI like we did the technologies of the 40s/50s that were supposed to free housewives from having to do housework/chores all day. Instead of thinking "great, now that these women are free they'll have time to give us even MORE great art, or maybe one will come up with the cure for cancer in her free time!" we sold them on the "dream" of entering the work force which pretty much went like:
-> now there's more people for men to hafta compete with, meaning their wages could go down -> now there's twice as many people miserable from commuting/working/dealing with bosses&bullshit -> most of the extra money being made gets eaten up by childcare anyway etc etc etc
All because of new technologies that were supposedly built to ease people's burdens, not increase them. Yet as more & more technology has presented itself to us, everybody seems to be working MORE and not less, and I'm *guessing* that it's only going to get a lot, lot worse. The more we create things to make things more freeing, the more we seem to viciously tie ourselves to the grind. 🤔🤷♂️
I wonder if we'll bungle the opportunity of AI like we did the technologies of the 40s/50s that were supposed to free housewives from having to do housework/chores all day. Instead of thinking "great, now that these women are free they'll have time to give us even MORE great art, or maybe one will come up with the cure for cancer in her free time!" we sold them on the "dream" of entering the work force which pretty much went like:
-> now there's more people for men to hafta compete with, meaning their wages could go down -> now there's twice as many people miserable from commuting/working/dealing with bosses&bullshit -> most of the extra money being made gets eaten up by childcare anyway etc etc etc
All because of new technologies that were supposedly built to ease people's burdens, not increase them. Yet as more & more technology has presented itself to us, everybody seems to be working MORE and not less, and I'm *guessing* that it's only going to get a lot, lot worse. The more we create things to make things more freeing, the more we seem to viciously tie ourselves to the grind. 🤔🤷♂️
You're Not Hardcore Unless You Live Hardcore
Moi a few years ago:
I've always thought the greatest example of an actor being matched with a character was Jack Black in School of Rock. I honestly don't know why he doesn't just put out a new one every year.This year's the 20th anniversary of the movie (OMG) and I don't know if it's a coincidence but for like 2 months School of Rock has been on Pluto TV constantly and it's impossible to tear yourself away without at least watching a little bit; today an oral history of the film has dropped on Rolling Stone:
Black: Part was written for me, didn’t have to audish. (UPDATE: this would be a hilarious sequel)
TREAT YOURSELF today by reading this oral history and the rewatching this great, great now-classic 🤗🎸
EGG FOO WHAT?! Episode 63
The Media is Garbage
Someone in the media is finally admitting how fucking disgusting the media's been over the last 8 years in desperately "normalizing" Trump & Republicans because he's good for clicks/ratings, never mind the fact that he could literally blow us all up to pieces whether he means to or not:
Trump called for the execution of U.S. Army Gen. Mark Milley, the outgoing chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, branding him a traitor. This was because Milley told his Chinese counterparts, toward the end of the Trump administration, that the U.S. was not planning to invade China and start World War III. In other words, Milley reiterated official U.S. policy since the end of World War II.
A few days later, our actual president, Joe Biden, made history by standing on a picket line with striking UAW members in Michigan.
We in the press didn't tell you much about that, but we wasted airtime, pixels and ink reporting that Trump calls himself "pro-worker" — though there is no evidence of that to be found anywhere. We pretty much ignored Trump's threat against the chairman of the Joint Chiefs. We have also done minimal reporting on the New York judge who imposed the "corporate death penalty" on Trump's business enterprises this week and may end up confiscating Trump's property, after issuing a summary judgment that Trump's companies actively engaged in fraud over many years.
There's a potential government shutdown coming this weekend, but that took a back seat to an outlier political poll that shows Trump leading Biden by 10 points.
If the press doesn't mention fraud every time we mention Trump's name then we're not doing our job. Mind you, Trump was also labeled as a rapist in civil court, and we rarely mention that either. We routinely ignore his 91 felony charges in four jurisdictions when we talk about his so-called politics, and we seem to have forgotten he's already been impeached twice. We pretend that his many lies are changes in policy. Anyone who expects the press to responsibly report the reality of Donald Trump at this point may, in fact, be as delusional as Trump.
But don't count on the press to inform you about any of that. We're too busy pretending, and entertaining you by treating Trump as if he were a charmer, or a savior.
He is always getting caught in his own lies. We just allow him to go free without forcing him to take responsibility for his actions.
Of course the sad fact of the matter is that Trump has done all of his shit in broad daylight and gets worse every moment, yet 75M Americans are still absolutely THIRSTING for him to not be President, but Dictator. I don't usually like to copy/paste so much from an article, I usually wanna get you people over to the article, but all of these are dead-on. I was never one of those kneejerk "the media's evil!" people before but what they've done with Trump has genuinely imperiled the planet and I hope their 30 pieces of silver help them sleep at night.
Statements. I Make Them.
There should be an Emmy category for "Best Martin Short Facial Expressions" and this year's winner should be (opens envelope) Martin Short for Episode 9 of Only Murders in the Building.
New Instagram Fave
I am obsessed with whoever this and wanna cover every room I enter with this stuff.🤗🤗🤗🤗
New Internet Music Series Idea
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you kinda say the same thing about Paul Westerberg & Ray Davies a year ago?"
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful reader
Wednesday, September 27, 2023
Important Updates. I Have Them.
Smithy! 🤗
Citizen Smith was John Sullivan's first sitcom, and I absolutely love it so much I bought the dvds for it AND an actual dvd player a few years ago because it wasn't streaming (update: STILL not streaming 😡). It's one of those huge sitcoms that for some reason can't be found anywhere; even finding clips on YouTube isn't easy. Robert Lindsay's Wolfie Smith is an Xmastime Top 10 Britcom character:
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!! 😜
Just as his very name suggests, he’s a lovable scamp that considers himself a revolutionary Marxist who really has nothing tangible to say about anything and couldn't actually tell you what he’s fighting for. But watching him do it, while dragging his daft but earnest friends along is a joy to watch, as well is his Fonzarelli-style living quarters above his girlfriends parent’s apartment. Sitcom 101 dictates the father is woefully disapproving of Wolifie’s “socialist” lifestyle, and of course the mother dotes on him while calling him “Foxy.” It’s no wonder John Sullivan’s first sitcom would lead the way for Only Fools and Horses; Wolfie is like a much younger Del Boy who peddles bullshit politics instead of cheap, crappy merchandise. Freedom for Tooting!It's got a lot of touches that you can see made it thru to Sullivan's next show Only Fools and Horses (including mother-in-law figure Hilda always thinking Wolfie’s name was “Foxy” - was this a precursor to Trigger calling Rodney “Dave”?) and I can't recommend it enough. And for this clip to be from the episode where the Only Fools and Horses name came from AND include Wilfred Brambell who was a MEGA SUPERSTAR after starring in Steptoe and Son and then as Paul McCartney's "clean" grandfather in a little picture called A Hard Day's Night.
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!! 😜
Citizen Smith - Only Fools and Horses (27th September 1979). Confining your regular characters within an enclosed space is a good sitcom ploy (even better if there's a decent guest star like Wilfrid Brambell added to the mix). And that episode title might be useful later on .... pic.twitter.com/n14WQ2Jz9n
— Archivetvmusings (@archivetvmus71) September 27, 2023
Life. It's Really Happening, Isn't It?
Me When I Get a Salad at Work for Lunch Once Every 3 Years: “lemme just happen to leave this laying around on my desk for the next 6 hours where anybody walking by can see it.”
YouTube Find du Jour
When this series started popping up on Instagram I kinda rolled my eyes at the corniness but now I can't stop watching; the over-the-top performance of the dad every time is off the charts fantastic, and the editing choices they make with any slo-mo and sound are always perfect. Treat yourself to this rabbit-hole for a while, people. And you're welcome!
Donnie Words Is at It Again
These Things are Both True:
1. Doggie is 100% correct about this
2. The Swiftees will rise up and utterly destroy his 40+ year career by dinner time.
2. The Swiftees will rise up and utterly destroy his 40+ year career by dinner time.
“WHO TAKES THEIR GIRLFRIEND TWO MINUTES INTO A RELATIONSHIP TO VISIT MOMMY AND DADDY?!?!?!”
— Jimmy Traina (@JimmyTraina) September 27, 2023
The Swifties are gonna do some damage to Chris “Mad Dog” Russo for this one. pic.twitter.com/j4NrqnYAnr
Tuesday, September 26, 2023
Thoughts. I Have Them.
I love Husker Du let's be honest but a few of their albums could use a production dust-off before The Replacements' Tim ever did.
Where’s My Country?
How the hell has National Treasure Rob Lowe only hosted Saturday Night Live 3 times??!!?? 😡😡
“This is LITERALLY some bullshit.”
Questions. I Have Them.
Is the key to happiness falling wildly in love and then eventually dying first? 🤔🕺
Friday Night Lightz
Questions. I Have Them.
I don't like the whole "pick out your living lobster and then we're gonna boil it alive for you" thing that goes on in superfancy restaurants (full disclosure, I don't like lobster anyway) but why are lobsters the only animal we do this to? Why not other fish? Or crabs? If I pay enough why can't I pick out a live chicken to eat?
I mean the whole thing I disgusting and outrageous but if you're gonna do it why just lobsters?
I mean the whole thing I disgusting and outrageous but if you're gonna do it why just lobsters?
PADDY MAC! 🤗
XMASTIME LIFE ADVICE
Find someone who loves you as much as Don Draper loves Howard Johnson’s orange sherbet. 
Announcements. I Have Them.
Seriously thinking about changing my default Word font from Arial to Calibri. Will keep you posted.
10 Years Ago Today
I still can't believe Joe Girardi, who is so no-nonsense that No-Nonsense Hall of Famers have to constantly tell him to lighten up, did this. What a moment. Can still remember every inch of the room I was in watching this happen. 😭 😭 😭 😭
Questions. I Have Them.
A Prayer in the Year 2023 for Someone Susceptible to Getting Sucked into Incredibly Corny/Sappy TV Dramas of the 70s/80s
Respect.
What Does Doggie Thinks About the Taylor Swift/Kelce?
Exactly what you think he would 🤣
“I don’t care if Taylor Swift is nude in the box, I’m not that interested.” - Chris “Mad Dog” Russo has weighed in on Swift and Kelce. pic.twitter.com/yoVW02mQe6
— Jimmy Traina (@JimmyTraina) September 25, 2023
Hey Whaddaya Know
Friday, September 22, 2023
Official Statement
I know this makes me a bad person but so far I like the old version of Hold My Life better - I especially don’t like the new guitars in the chorus. 
Thursday, September 21, 2023
An Open Letter to All Music Reviewers
If you ever end another review with "Time to kick out the jams, _________" I will find you. 😡😡😡😡
I Remain,
XMASTIME
I Remain,
XMASTIME
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