But the problem is the music. Oasis don’t do fast songs. Noel plays his guitar as if he’s scared it will break, and Oasis’s funkless, sexless plod is always carefully pitched below the velocity at which fluid dynamics dictate that you might spill your lager. Is there anything more useless than a rock band that doesn’t rock?After years of thinking I was an Oasis fan I was shocked (SHOCKED!!!) a few years ago to go back and discover that other than Live Forever their first album is one long blur of mid-tempo sludge, barely topped by their follow-up album solely because instead of just one big hit there were two. Other than their big hits their albums are fairly unlistenable and then you're gonna pay like $10K to watch them all just stand there for 2 hours? No thanks. I still like them a lot as guys, they're both funny af quote machines and I'm glad this big reunion tour is making their fans so happy tho, so (kind of) rock on!
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't YOU post something absolutely brilliant years ago about dudes who do not rock?"
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did:
1) Acoustic guitar = not rocking
2) No drummer = not rocking
3) Playing with dude who's over 25 and isn't a movie star who's wearing sunglasses = not rocking
4) Wearing shorts = not rocking
5) Wearing shorts that are obvi...READ MORE
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