Works for Me, Fuck It

I've noticed a bunch of articles lately claiming that a husband helping out with the housework leads to more sex. I dunno. Now, you can tell me that decreasing the wife's workload frees up her time and stress, thereby having more time and energy to actually have sex. But then I see an article like this one. Key quote:

"My wife has told me that she's never more turned on to me than when I'm doing housework," says Fields, a 39-year-old guidance counselor.

REALLY? Camon. Now, I can see rewarding the dude with sex for housework, but you actually believe your girl starts creaming when she sees you tapping the bookshelf with a feather duster? DOUBT IT. I'm thinking that woman are making this whole urban myth up to get men off their asses and help out. Kudos to women, this is the best idea they've come up with since...well, this may be their first one, but still. Well played.

MEN: if all it takes to get up in there is loading up the dishwasher, camon. Think of the shit you had to do when you were single to hit some skins. Load the fucker up and gets to fucking!!!

PS - for some reason my computer is jacked, can someone please post this on Craigslist for me? Thanks!

HOUSEWORK FOR SEX - Outrageously overweight bed-wetting alcoholic with no job and the back hair of your uncle's rec room carpet looking for a housework for sex trade. Every hour of housework = an hour of sex. As I'm unemployed I'm free all the time; in fact if I could crash at your place for a while that would be a w e s o m e. You: be smoking hot, creative in bed with a lot of Victoria's Secret stuff and not a lot of shame. Might wanna invest in a power flusher, I've been in a bit of a "cheese phase." xmastimer@gmail.com

Houseworking for Strange

This guy HERE has some more to say about the housework/sex ratio that married couples find themselves having to deal with. I've long thought this to be a bit of a myth, as I wrote HERE.

Camon. Now, I can see rewarding the dude with sex for housework, but you actually believe your girl starts creaming when she sees you tapping the bookshelf with a feather duster? DOUBT IT. I'm thinking that woman are making this whole urban myth up to get men off their asses and help out. Kudos to women, this is the best idea they've come up with since...well, this may be their first one, but still. Well played.

He doesn't seem to come to any real conclusion on the subject, although it does need to be pointed out that a guy writing about sex has the last name "Wang."

Also, my cleaning for ass offer still stands.

HOUSEWORK FOR SEX - Outrageously overweight bed-wetting alcoholic with no job and the back hair of your uncle's rec room carpet looking for a housework for sex trade. Every hour of housework = an hour of sex. As I'm unemployed I'm free all the time; in fact if I could crash at your place for a while that would be a w e s o m e. You: be smoking hot, creative in bed with a lot of Victoria's Secret stuff and not a lot of shame. Might wanna invest in a power flusher, I've been in a bit of a "cheese phase." xmastimer@gmail.com

Liiiiiike Fucking Clockwork.

Sigh. Here we fucking go, yet ANOTHER "housework for sex" article. Has it been 4 days since the alst one already? I've bitched about this myth for YEARS HERE and  HERE and HERE and HERE. Ironically, the only things that seems to happen more frequently than these articles are my posts bitching about them.

"Choreplay"? Really?

Though my offer still stands:

HOUSEWORK FOR SEX - Outrageously overweight bed-wetting alcoholic with no job and the back hair of your uncle's rec room carpet looking for a housework for sex trade. Every hour of housework = an hour of sex. As I'm unemployed I'm free all the time; in fact if I could crash at your place for a while that would be a w e s o m e. You: be smoking hot, creative in bed with a lot of Victoria's Secret stuff and not a lot of shame. Might wanna invest in a power flusher, I've been in a bit of a "cheese phase." xmastimer@gmail.com

I look forward to tomorrow's "a small piece of dark chocolate every day is good for you" article from these fucking geniuses.

Sex and Dishes

A year ago I jokingly dismissed the validity of the whole "helping out with the housework leads to sex" thing in a marriage. This of course while not being married, not having a house to bother with, and last having sex in the 1930s. The Girl Who appears to differ with me. Interesting. Also, I thought I had invented the term "man meat." This is very disappointing for me. Anyways, I repeat my advertisement:

HOUSEWORK FOR SEX - Outrageously overweight bed-wetting alcoholic with no job and the back hair of your uncle's rec room carpet looking for a housework for sex trade. Every hour of housework = an hour of sex. As I'm unemployed I'm free all the time; in fact if I could crash at your place for a while that would be a w e s o m e. You: be smoking hot, creative in bed with a lot of Victoria's Secret stuff and not a lot of shame. Might wanna invest in a power flusher, I've been in a bit of a "cheese phase." xmastimer@gmail.com

Housework, Schmousework

Over the years, as you know, I've called bullshit on the whole "women would fuck their men more iof dudes did more housework", a myth I presume to be (rather cleverly, I must say) promulgated by chicks who just didn't wanna do all  the got dam housework. And now there's a report out validating that Xmastime is, sur-PRISE surprise, right as fucking always.

So get back in the kitchen, beyotch!!!

Now THAT'S Some Bullshit

Camon. Now, I can see rewarding the dude with sex for housework, but you actually believe your girl starts creaming when she sees you tapping the bookshelf with a feather duster? DOUBT IT. I'm thinking that woman are making this whole urban myth up to get men off their asses and help out. Kudos to women, this is the best idea they've come up with since...well, this may be their first one, but still.  - XMASTIME

As you loyal readers already know, I've long debunked the whole "doing housework = more sex for me" bullshit, and today? Total vindication: in some online article that could change in the next ten minutes, like everyfuckingthingelse.

But now a new study in the American Sociological Review casts doubt on the truth of this happy feminist idyll. Men routinely doing “female” chores appear to have less—not more—sex. According to the authors, Sabino Kornrich (Center for Advanced Studies in the Social Sciences, Madrid), Julie Brines (University of Washington), and Katrina Leupp (University of Washington):

Couples in which men participate more in housework typically done by women report having sex less frequently. Similarly, couples in which men participate more in traditionally masculine tasks—such as yard work, paying bills, and auto maintenance—report higher sexual frequency.

Are Women Turned on By Chocolate?

Can we go a single day without an article coming out about how much women cream over chocolate? According to these articles, a piece of chocolate shows up and these women immediately start orgasming, tearing their jeans off to satiate themselves. What the fuck. I guess my question is that if this is true, why haven't we come up with a chocolate cologne? Wouldn't that make incredible sense? Course, I guess in that case women would wear perfume that smells like the Golden Palace of the Himilayas, if you know what I mean. Or, even better, an Arby's. I'll tell you something - a women walks into the room smelling like Arby's, she starts out on third base with me. - Xmastime

According to THIS ARTICLE, the "women jizz at the sight of chocolate" thingee is a media-created phenomenon.  Maybe that's what it says, who knows; I didn't finish reading it since I mean really, like the old "how can you tell if a woman's had an orgasm?" joke, who gives a shit?

I will say it's more plausible to me than her getting lubed up by a dude doing housework.  "Choreplay." I mean, come the fuck on already.

If Life's For Livin' What's Livin' For?

It's fascinating that all I ever hear about AI doing is taking over artistic things like writing movies and poems, i.e. things people do because they absolutely love it and the rest of us get the incredible gifts of joy they give us. I never hear any talk of AI taking over studio exec jobs, or lawyers or anything that is corporate bullshit...yes, let's get rid of the world's poets but not project managers.

I wonder if we'll bungle the opportunity of AI like we did the technologies of the 40s/50s that were supposed to free housewives from having to do housework/chores all day. Instead of thinking "great, now that these women are free they'll have time to give us even MORE great art, or maybe one will come up with the cure for cancer in her free time!" we sold them on the "dream" of entering the work force which pretty much went like:

-> now there's more people for men to hafta compete with, meaning their wages could go down -> now there's twice as many people miserable from commuting/working/dealing with bosses&bullshit -> most of the extra money being made gets eaten up by childcare anyway etc etc etc

All because of new technologies that were supposedly built to ease people's burdens, not increase them. Yet as more & more technology has presented itself to us, everybody seems to be working MORE and not less, and I'm *guessing* that it's only going to get a lot, lot worse. The more we create things to make things more freeing, the more we seem to viciously tie ourselves to the grind. 🤔🤷‍♂️

What Cums Around...

Yesterday HERE I poked fun at the whole "women  get wet when dudes do housework" agenda that's been going around for a while now, and then today we see yet another article, this one telling us that if you strap on an apron and start swiffering your wife will call her much hotter sister over to have that threesome you've always fantasized about. Of course I think this is all a big ruse set up by women to get dudes to get off their asses and do shit around the house...or maybe it's revenge for our jedi mind-tricking them into fucking more of us:

7) Everytime I brace myself and think that women have woken up and decided to take over the planet, they shoot themselves in the titties. Over the last few years I’ve been reading/hearing about more and more women deciding that they’re gonna “stick it to men” and show us that they can be like men when it came to sex. I guess a big reason for this was of course “Sex and the City.” Cracks me up. Women have had enough, gonna free themselves, gonna stick it to men by having sex!!!! Lots of it!! Round the clock!!!...of course, to be having all this sex, it's gotta be with someone...so...who are they having all this sex with...all together now...men. Hmm. What’s next, cows making themselves hamburgers? That’ll learn us! Men are supposedly idiots, but we’ve quietly steered women towards being promiscuous, dressing like sluts and sleeping around without the hassle of a relationship. Well. You showed us, sister! Best. Secret. Ever. Though. Now. Every. Woman. Is. Going. To. Hate. Me. Though. Not. As. Much. As. Guys. Since. Now. The. Best. Secret. Ever. Is. Out.

Sigh. Endless Cycle.

A few years ago HERE I wondered about the "housework for sex" myth that women have promulgrated over the past few years.

And now this poor sucker is the latest victim. Sigh. Sucked in, like the call of the Sirens into the hell of their jagged rocks. Turn the ship around, man, turn around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Girl Who 1, Dudes 0

Paul Lynde, Xmastime HOF

Happy Birthday to Xmastime Hall of Famer Paul Lynde, who would be 96 today! 🕺

Here's just a FEW of his many gems, enjoy! And you're welcome, Earth!

Peter Marshall: "Eddie Fisher recently said, 'I am sorry. I am sorry for them both.' Who was he referring to?"

Paul Lynde: "His fans."

 

Marshall: "Paul, how many fingers in the girl scout salute?"

Lynde: "Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies."

 

Marshall: "Paul, any good sailor knows that when a man falls off a ship you yell 'Man overboard!' What should you shout if a woman falls overboard?"

Lynde: "Full speed ahead!"

 

Marshall: "What are 'dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?"

Lynde: "They give milk... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies."

 

Marshall: "Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?"

Lynde: "No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing."