BBC Sitcom Actresses I'm in Love With

NOTE: this is a purely sexist post based on these women's looks. To see my list of favorite female BBC sitcom characters, HERE IT IS.

SECOND NOTE: Obviously Elizabeth Hurley would be on this list but was actually TOO hot when auditioning for Only Fools and Horses:

"Elizabeth Hurley actually auditioned for the part of Rodney’s girlfriend, Cassandra. But she was turned down for the role, as it was thought she was too ‘model like’."

The hottest, in no particular order (if they were in more than one show I've watched, the bolded show is the one in which they were at, IMHO, their hottest):

Tamsin Greig - Black Books, Episodes, Friday Night Dinner

Daisy Haggard - Episodes, Back to Life, Uncle, Breeders

Emma Chambers - Vicar of Dibley

Jamie-Lee O'Donnell - Derry Girls

Lucy Punch - Vexed, Motherland

Joanna Lumley - Absolutely Fabulous, Jam & Jerusalem

Vicki Michelle - 'Allo 'Allo!

Julia Davis - Nightly Night, Sally4Ever, Gavin and Stacey, Hunderby

Katherine Parkinson - Whites, The IT Crowd, The Kennedys

Gina Bellman - Coupling, Only Fools and Horses (well, one episode anyway)

HONORABLE MENTIONS (with the show they peaked in IMHO):
Dolly Wells - Spy
Penelope Keith - The Good Life
Isy Suttie - Peep Show
Sue Holderness - Only Fools and Horses
Ashley Jenson - Extras
Frances de la Tour - Rising Damp
Diane Morgan - Motherland
Pauline Wilcox - The Lovers
Sarah Alexander - Coupling
Sheridan Smith - Bernidorm
Olivia Colman - Peep Show
Esther Smith - Cuckoo

WWDITS

As someone who LOVE LOVE LOVES What We Do in the Shadows, I 100% agree with this:

Eight nominations for What We Do in the Shadows, including for Best Comedy! It’s one of the more delightful surprises of this round of Emmy nominations because, while Shadows absolutely deserves those nominations, it’s been a bit of a dark horse, much beloved by its audience but never cresting into massive popularity. Other than Best Comedy, the most exciting nomination is for Stefani Robinson for writing the glorious episode “On the Run.” Jackie Daytona!!

Porridge

Speaking of Sydney Lotterby, here's a great documentary about Porridge that came out in 2014. Starring Sir David Jason (Del Boy) who was Blanco in Porridge and then of course also teamed up with Ronnie Barker in Open All Hours. Eric Idle sighting too! Enjoy! :)

Sydney Lotterby, II

Earlier today I mentioned the passing of BBC legend Sydney Lotterby, now here's a behind-the-scenes video of the eternal classic Porridge, with an interview with Lotterby at the end.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

There's apple juice. There's orange juice. There's even pineapple juice...why is pear juice not a thing?

RIP Sydney Lotterby

Being a superfan of British sitcoms over the years, the name Sydney Lotterby has loomed large as a producer and director, and today he died at age 93.

I don't know what a producer is but I KNID OF have an idea of what a director does, so here's a list of my superslices he directed over the years:

Porridge (every episode)
Going Straight (every episode)
Yes, Minister (6 episodes)
Open All Night (every episode)
Yes, Prime Minister (16 episodes)

His name also inspired a sketch from the Monty Python precursor, At Last the 1948 Show, featuring Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Marty Feldman and Tim Brooke-Taylor.

Hard to imagine a bigger lion from the "Golden Age" of British sitcoms.

Toughts. I Have Them.

I don't really believe the "Shy Trump Voter" theory, but if your chosen candidate is so repugnant that you're too embarrassed to admit you support them then maybe choose another candidate?

State du Moi

Was QUITE pleased with my own genius the other day when I realized the only body part on dogs that is the exact same as humans are the eyeballs.

Together Again!

Great to be greeted by my buddy after a long day apart. #Scooter #bff

Today’s Barr Testimony

I was gonna try to make it thru Jim Jordan’s idiotic ranting about spies and American city hellscapes when I became distracted by him reading a quote from the NYT that was hand-written on a piece of paper. Who the eff does that in 2020? 🤔

Le Petit Prince

I have no idea whether or not this is a good impression of his dad but this video is cracking me the fuck up. 🤣

WTF du Jour

How do you put together an entire post on the cult sex community Oneida without mentioning that it included my favorite presidential assassin of all time, Charles Guiteau (before he rather incredibly got kicked out for being too weird.)

I officially call BULLSHIT!

Thoughts On Rita Wilson. I Have Them.

Has Rita Wilson - an all-time Mrs. Xmastime, btw - ever gotten enough credit for her performance in the few episodes of Girls she was in? Her character was one of the most tragically cringe-inducing ones of all time and she totally CRUSHED it.

Not Funny! This Should Really Happen Dammit!!

Self Awareness.

I’d like to think I’d dump someone for not liking something, making me a cool guy, but I’m pretty sure I’d be like “no no, that’s fine, of course…what’s that? You put a cobra in our bed?…ah…well yeah sure, why not, I’ll just, ahhh, make some room here…”

So Alone

At my apartment for the day for the first time in 4 months and I’m really missing my office buddy. Literally haven’t been more than 10 seconds away from each other since March. Stay strong my friend, and - wait, he’s not even on Instagram. And I’m pretty sure this idiot can’t read, wtf am I writing here???  #BFF #BestFurryFriend

Great Moments in History

RIP Reeg

I never watched his show religiously or anything, but Regis Philbin always seemed like the nicest guy in the business, always earnestly delighted to talk with any guests who showed up. His dragging The Ramones through this interview was a work of art. Have fun in the big daytime talk show in the sky, buddy.

Calling Out BS

I still love my beloved Yankees but they don’t get to do any Black Lives Matter or protest kneeling etc. stuff if they’ve invited Trump to throw out the first pitch on August 15. Hollow, hypocritical bullshit. Interesting to see if they rethink re: fan outrage, particularly since nobody hates Trump more than his own hometown.

The Truth. I Have It.

Anybody who tells you they did NOT read this in a Dracula voice is a lying sonofabitch. 

Garfield #OTD1980

Xmastime 10 Years Ago Today

Even in Dying, You Should Do the Right Thing

I would think that the most considerate day to die would be on a Monday. That way, the funeral's on Thursday. So your buddies have that day off, and then, why bother going into work just for one day the next day? So BAM!  4-day weekend. If you're a REALLY sweet guy, you'll put it into your will that you hafta be buried before 10am; that means everybody can have even more time to get outta town for a coupla days, have a nice relaxing vacation.

Hey, we're living in a society, people.

Republicans Today

What do we want?!!

WHITE POWER!!

When do we want it?!!!

WELL...WE'VE ALWAYS HAD IT, BUT... I MEAN, IF WE COULD GET SOME MORE, THAT'D BE GREAT! THANK YOU!

Happy Birthday George!

Apparently 6 years ago today on Facebook I went on a little run to celebrate Prince George's first birthday. Enjoy!

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I really don't understand real college basketball fans who haven't watched ESPN's brilliant Black Magic. Actually, you DON'T really have to be a college basketball fan to love it.

State du Moi

I don’t generally care about grammar but people misusing less/fewer is really starting to get to me.

Lucky Jordan?

Lost in the Jordan chronicles (which I love) is how ridiculously lucky it was that Jimmy Black’s pass even got to him. pic.twitter.com/lvIV9ZgmuH

— XMASTIME (@XMASTIMEblog) July 23, 2020

Wait what?

But I don’t want it to be anonymous, I want credit!!! 😭

Ah, The Sudden Afternoon Thunderstorm...

...the ONLY thing I like about summers!! :)

Happy National Hot Dog Day, II

Here's me back in 2009 trying to get Watty to eat my customized Cheetos dog. SPOILER ALERT: why YES ladies, I AM still single!

Happy National Hot Dog Day!

The first week I moved into my loft in Brooklyn in 1998 I walked into Topps (pre-Corey, obvs) and saw something astonishing: 21 hot dogs for $5. "THIS IS THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!!" I yelled out loud in the store.

Needless to say, by the next morning I found out why they were 21 dogs for $5.

Happy National Hot Dog Day everybody!

And enjoy one of my favorite food docs of all time, that came out in PBS about a year after my own debacle.

INteresting du Jour

SPEAKing of The Office: most fans disparage the pilot - and most of the first season - and claim the heights of future seasons were by far better. And you'd think that those episodes would've picked up much greater audience numbers through the years. Yes, streaming started to take a hold, but it didn't reign tv like it does now, so it was still a "water cooler" show, week by week. But a look at the numbers, and by the numbers of course I mean Wikipedia, reveal something interesting:

Episode with the most US viewers?

Stress Relief, which was aired right after the Super Bowl, with 22 million viewers.

The episode with the second-most number of viewers?

The Pilot. With 11 million viewers.

Only 3 other episodes hit 10 million.

I, for one, would never have guessed this.

Sitcom Worlds Colliding!

Anybody who's been on this blog for 10 minutes knows that two of my all-time favorite slice are Only Fools and Horses (the GOAT) and The Office. Just now it's occurred to me of two very similar lines used in both shows:

Michael Scott: Ryan told me to always tell women you work in finance.

Del Boy Trotter: You've got to talk about money. It's their favourite subject. I mean, you chat about money and it really impresses them.

Of course the big difference is that Del Boy's line came moments before what was once again voted the greatest television scene of all-time. (Also a reminder I've screamed about before: when posting a funny YouTube clip PLEASE DON'T PUT THE PUNCHLINE IN THE GODDAM TITLE!!!!! GRRR.)

That Moment When...

...a 10 year-old reflects on your life's accomplishments and finally shrugs, "Well, maybe you can at least get a dog someday."

An All-Time Classic

The Office Questions. I Have Them.

I love Hank as much as anybody else but was a security guard really necessary for that building? 🤔

TV Thoughts. I Have Them.

JUST ONCE can’t it be the woman who’s lazy, doesn’t play by the rules but is a charismatic genius while telling her male partner who is meticulously by-the-book and overly serious that he needs to get laid?

At the Wal-Marts

Surely there must be a Wal-Mart greeter who's just a complete asshole, maybe Sam Walton's great-nephew or some shit that they can't fire, and he greets the customers like "oh greeeeeeeeeat, come on in and buy a buncha shit, you fat fuck!", right? I mean, can we make this happen please? - XMASTIME

Nobody needs to call Wal-Mart a hero since a peek inside their track record with how it treats its employees is surely grisly, but this is a good thing:

Today Walmart also announced that it has made the decision to close Walmart stores on Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 26, this year. Our Sam’s Club locations will also be closed again this year on this day.

“We know this has been a trying year, and our associates have stepped up. We hope they will enjoy a special Thanksgiving Day at home with their loved ones,” said Furner. “We are certainly thankful to our people for all of their efforts.”

 And let's not forget this eye-roller:

Irony at the Wal-Mart.

Worlds Colliding: Apollo 11 and My Yankees

51 Years Ago Today: “They’re On The Moon" ~ Yankee Stadium fans are notified that Neil Armstrong & Buzz Aldrin have landed safely on the lunar surface! (Washington Senators vs. New York #Yankees - July 20, 1969) #MLB #Apollo11 #History pic.twitter.com/a2hIZeY4Cw

— Baseball by BSmile (@BSmile) July 20, 2020

Wondering...

...how people wrote books before typewriters/computers but also glad they’re all dead so I don’t hafta fucking hear about it from them. 

Clem Fandango!

I love Matt Berry so of course I love Toast of London, which is perfect for him (especially since he co-wrote it). One of the best repeated bits of his frustration dealing with the insufferable hipster audio engineer Clem Fandango, and since this is the internet someone's taken the time to string all the Clem Fandango bits together in one video. Utter fucking hilarity :)

RIP John Lewis

John Lewis’ Walking with the Wind is one of the best books about the Civil Rights Era I’ve ever read. Highly recommended. He truly was a giant.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I’ve noticed a rule of sitcoms is that whenever a family hunkers down with a big bowl of popcorn to watch tv someone takes one bite and then puts the bowl down and it’s never touched again. 🤔

Another Hick From French Lick

You don't see a lot of video on Larry Bird's youngest brother, so this is comforting in that it shows they have the same shitty haircut and wispy 'stache.

Larry Bird has a brother, his name is Eddie, and he is tremendous. pic.twitter.com/LHChO9hgBi

— Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports) July 17, 2020

Hall of Famers!

Over their 20 years together, whenever Mike and the Mad Dog would debate whether a certain baseball player was a Hall of Famer, they'd go to the Baseball Encyclopedia (back when it was a book!) and count up how many stats they had over their career in bold type, meaning they'd led the league in that category. Today Doggie still does it (Mike's too busy grousing and bitching about prank calls he keeps falling for on his show), though obviously he uses the treasure trove know as Baseball-Reference.https://www.baseball-reference.com/

So on a whim I chose 10 of the greatest hitters of all time and counted up their bold type (except if it was negative, i.e. led the league ins trikeouts - which pretty none of them did - or caught stealing.) Here's the list. Enjoy!

Ted Williams 94
Babe Ruth 90
Stan Musial 75
Lou Gehrig 43
Mickey Mantle 41
Hank Aaron 41
Willie Mays 37
Frank Robinson 35
A-Rod 32
DiMaggio 15

Hahah! FUCK DiMaggio, that asshole! #TeamMickey

I'm Not a Stable Genius...

...but "dead cat bounce" sounds bad. 🤔

Marion Stokes

For 14 1/2 years in Brooklyn I had a roommate who was a hoarder worthy of being on one of those scary hoarder tv shows. He also videotaped every single David Letterman show, every night, along with some other shows I can't remember. He kept every Daily News for decades, and had entire file cabinets stuffed with fliers from the early 1990's. I always joked that if moving day ever came I'd break my leg so I wouldn't have to help. Every year, the walls in our loft would come closing in by another 6 inches.

While poking around PBS just now, because that's just what I do and yes this makes me better than you, I noticed there's an episode of Independent Lens about a woman named Marion Stokes. With a 60-second trip to Wikipedia a deep dive into research about her, I learned:

- She single-handedly amassed hundreds of thousands of hours of television news footage spanning 35 years, from 1977 until her death at age 83. She used 8 VCRs to get 24/7 coverage of all the news networks.

- The archives ultimately grew to live on 71,716 VHS and Betamax tapes stacked in Stokes' home, as well as apartments she rented just to store them.

- She received half a dozen daily newspapers and 100-150 monthly periodicals, collected for half a century.

- Stokes had also accumulated 30,000-40,000 books. In the mid-1970s, she would frequent the bookstore to purchase $800 worth of new books. [Xmas note: $800? Why $800? Curiously specific - why not $1,000? And in 1977, $800 was worth $3400 in today's money.]

- Stokes bought many Macintosh computers since the brand's inception, along with various other Apple peripherals. At her death, 192 of the computers remained in her possession. Stokes kept the unopened items in a climate-controlled storage garage for posterity. 

But what Wikipedia my thoughtful research did not tell me? a) if she ever watched any of the videotapes, and b) HOW SHE GOT THE MONEY TO DO ALL THIS SHIT!!!

Fascinating. Will surely watch the Independent Lens episode to find out. as well as maybe learn a little something about my old roommate...

Black Literature

I saw this on Twitter earlier:

Of course the answer is YES!

But now I'm bummed, as I don't think I've read as much literature from black writers as I may have thought. Sure the usual stuff n college - Langston Hughes, Zora Neale Hurston, Nikki Giovanni etc - but nothing really since. So I just ordered Richard Wright's Native Son. Which, as I read the Amazon description:

Right from the start, Bigger Thomas had been headed for jail. It could have been for assault or petty larceny; by chance, it was for murder and rape. Native Son tells the story of this young black man caught in a downward spiral after he kills a young white woman in a brief moment of panic.

sounds slightly similar to one of my all-time slices, Theodore Dreiser's American Tragedy.

Let's make this happen, PBS!

OFAH du Jour

The theme song to Only Fools and Horses as played by Elton John. 🤣

Tone Deaf Princess

I'll pay $1000 to watch her try to figure out how to open the can.

Toilet Boooooooooooooooooooowl!!

Apparently, people are losing their shit about Demi Moore having carpet in her bathroom. But when I saw this I only thought, "Why does Demi Moore have a toilet in her living room?" 

 

Almost Tiny

I've been listening to podcast episodes of Origins about Almost Famous (they're all HERE), and so of course I re-watched the iconic Tiny Dancer scene, which of course reminded me of one of the greatest posts of its generation. You're welcome, people!

On the Bus

Two days a week I get on a bus at the GW Bridge and take about a 10-minute bus ride to work. One stop after I get on, a large group of Mexicans get on the bus; at this point the bus is almost perfectly divided between the Mexicans, and white people like me. And I've noticed that there is zero interaction between these two groups. We each sit on our respective sides of the bus not looking at each other. Where the fuck am I, I thought the other day. Selma, Alabama, ca 2009 1950? For once, instead of waiting for someone else to break through the wall between us, I decided it was up to me to broker some common geniality.

But how? I am a simple man. And I don't speak Spanish. How could I get through to EVERYbody, not only the Mexicans on the "other side"?

Then it dawned on me exactly what to do.

I leaned my head against the large bus window, and looked bleakly out at Ft. Lee as we drove through it. The bus was almost completely silent. And then from my seat, against the window, a quiet voice started slowly rising.

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

I didn't even look around, I kept looking out the window, knowing that someone on the other side would know when to come in.

Jesus freaks out in the street, Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs, (CUE! come in, someone else!! Now! MAGIC TIME!) The boulevard is not that bad

Hmm....nobody joined in. Total silence. I continued; maybe they were waiting for a different line?

Piano man he makes his stand, In the auditorium (someone shouts out "shut the fuck up!" But this person was from my side of the bus - hey dude, I'm not singing just for you!! I continued)
Looking on she sings the songs, The words she knows the tune she hums

At this point someone from the other side of the bus shouted something at me. But as I said, I do not speak Spanish, so I have no idea if it was "shut the fuck up!" or "when should we all come in??!" So. I continued.

But oh how it feels so real, Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me, When I say softly slowly

Okay, nothing so far - but here comes the chorus! There's no WAY they'll be able to resist the chorus; by the end of it we'll all be singing together, slapping each other cinco! This is it!!!! I stood up, turned to look at everybody, and fucking belted it out at the top of my lungs

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today

I stopped singing, breathing heavily, sweat beading, and opened my eyes...and all the Mexicans were streaming by me, not even looking up at me, filing off the bus as per usual. I looked around to "my team." Zero eye contact. So I slumped back down in my chair, head against the window, looking out. And wondering what will I do tomorrow to bring these groups of people together once and for all. Sigh.

Am I Crazy...

...or does this sound scrumptious:

Pizza Hut UK is just winding down a promotion for the new KFC Popcorn Chicken Pizza, which is almost like having a KFC Famous Bowl on top of a pizza crust.  The KFC Popcorn Chicken Pizza comes topped with KFC gravy, mozzarella cheese, Popcorn Chicken, and sweet corn. The KFC Famous Bowl, which isn't offered in the UK, features a base of mashed potatoes topped with gravy, Popcorn Chicken, corn, and cheese. 

Nom nom nom!!!

Brilliant!

Good News, America!

I have a *feeling* that by Friday the number of cases in the US will be 0.

 

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

THIS LIST of the best double albums of all time should immediately be deemed irrelevant for not having London Calling on it. Ridiculous.

My Opening Thoughts on Peacock TV:

1. No skip intro, which is insane in 2020
2. Even tho I clicked keep me signed in I have to sign in every time I visit
3. I appear to be paying $90 a year to pretty must watch Cheers.

Wedding Crashers

The Ringer has an article about the 15-year anniversary of Wedding Crashers, including the iconic football scene. We all remember is how much Bradley Cooper almost stole the entire movie just in these few moments, but this is interesting and surprising:

But the scene took much more than comedic dialogue to execute. Shooting it was a whole different challenge. When Dobkin studied film at New York University, a professor told him if you ever want to see how to edit a great scene, watch the NFL. Broadcast teams know when to cut to a nervous wife in the luxury box, a coordinator covering his mouth with a play-call sheet, a wide shot of the field while a play develops, an injured player on the sideline. 

20 Years of Kitchen Confidential

I don't remember exactly when I read Anthony Bourdain's classic Kitchen Confidential, but it had to be before THIS POST since it's the first time I mentioned him on this blog. Over at The Ringer they're unwrapping some of what was good - and bad - about the man himself:

Bourdain’s overarching hypothesis—that political and social inequality could be both better understood and significantly redressed through an investigation of what and how we eat—has become so widely accepted that it can be strange to reflect that just two decades previous these ideas were largely alien. 

GQ food writer Brett Martin, who also authored the excellent 2013 survey of the early days of prestige television Difficult Men, reflects on this through the lens of two decades of hindsight: “I think people forget, in the sanctification that’s followed Bourdain’s death, that his persona early on was really sort of an asshole, shot through with this adolescent, faux-gonzo narcissism. He and [creator of The Wire] David Simon shared that weakness. But they also shared a clarity of vision and this jubilance and brilliance.”

Whole thing is definitely a must-read.

Here he is visiting my bff Gordon Ramsay a million years ago.

That Moment When Your Nephew Finds Out How Old You're Turning Today.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Nicholas Lyndhurst, aka Rodney Trotter, is famously shy and rarely gives interviews so this is a great treat. His admiration and affection for the late, great John Sullivan is palpable.

Happy Bastille Day!

Nobody could remotely give two shits Some people have been clamoring for 2017's brilliant THINGS TO LIKE ABOUT FRANCE series that I posted throughout last Bastille Day, so here they are:

The Uniforms

Ratatouille

Winning Our Revolutionary War

Remembrance of Things Past

First Lady

French Class

Croissants

And, of course, Del Boy thinking he knows French!

Great 2018 Birthday Memory!

Birfday Time!

Oh no, they’re looking to steal my ice cream cake...

HAHAHAHA ENJOY THE STUPID CAKE, LOSERS!! I WIN!!!