The Cosby Show

PHYLICIA RASHAD
(Claire Huxtable!!)
WEEKS ON THE CHARTS: 967
PROS: beautiful, rich, successful. Will probably open the door to me hanging out with Bill Cosby (and Lisa Bonet???!?!?!?). Always wears tight, silk blouses (at least on “The Cosby Show.”) Her sister Debbie can teach me how to dance. Also, she just got a divorce from Ahmad Rashad, so she’s probably had enough of rich, successful handsome men.
CONS: I’m pretty sure she’s almost 80. One of her THREE ex-husbands was one of the Village People. OJ was best man at her last wedding, which means there’s a good chance he will, you know, …kill me.
ODDS: 0%. zilch. waaaaay too classy for me. Would not cross the street to kick me in the nuts, and I wouldn’t blame her. Feel ashamed I used the phrase "my nuts" in the very presence of her name.

The final episode of The Cosby Show aired 29 years ago today. I know he's history's greatest monster, but to me it is undebatable that the first half of the show's run (before Malcolm-Jamal Warner, who was hysterical as Theo, realized there were cameras running and tried to be an ac-TOR! and then annoying characters came and went) is among the greatest - if not THE greatest of all sitcom runs.

OFAH du Jour

Last September I gifted you people with my list of 12 favorite Only Fools and Horses episodes, but upon further review I feel I must include the classic Danger UXD. But what episode gets the bump, you ask? Geez, that's tough, this is an extraordinarily strong list. I'm guessing it's gonna hafta be Video Nasty, which is probably on the list in the first place solely because of the great "Thee is a Rhino Loose in the City!" scene.

I haven't made up my mind yet; in the meantime let's take a moment to enjoy a scene from each.

VIDEO NASTY

DANGER UXD

Geddowdaheeyaaaaah!!!

Speaking of Springsteen I guess The Boss has something on Food & Wine since these taste bud-less motherfuckers have declared New Jersey to have the best pizza in the country - above Connecticut and New York! - which means these dipshits are officially out of their goddam minds.

Speaking of Spotify

HOLY CRAP this is a hella playlist. Nice job Spotify algorithm!

Pleasant Dreams. Indeed.

Not sure why but Spotify has really been on my ass about listening the The Ramones’ remastered Pleasant Dreams. 

Not to disparage Pleasant Dreams - it was, after all, the first Ramones cassette I ever got my mitts on as a youth. It suffers because 1) snobs like to complain about the sound of it, so it appears they're blessed with Phil Spector ears unlike everyone else not in the know, and 2) like Psycho Therapy from Subterranean Jungle, lazy motherfuckers just pick out The KKK Took My Baby Away or We Want the Airwaves when, while they're both great songs, ironically the best track on the album is All's Quiet on the Eastern Front, which is sandwiched right between them in the track sequence and contained the best parts of rock 'n roll": super smooth, more roll than rock, and  call & response singing. Why the fuck they didn't play this every show for 15 years with Joey and Dee Dee trading lines, I'll never know.

There's TONS of great melody buried in the album (You Sound Lie You're Sick, Sitting in My Room, You Didn't Mean Anything to Me), one funny, namecheck-themselves-like-only-The Ramones-can song that sounds like a Thanksgiving Day Parade (It's Not My place in the 9 to 5 World) and hell, a slow song whose lyrics I used to fill out answers to a chemistry test and mentions one of their own songs!  Camon.

Worlds Colliding! I Guess?

Dunno why I'm surprised - Springsteen has always kept up with current music over his many decades - but I'm very happy that he even knows The Replacements, much less likes them:

“Slim Dunlap, who was one of the members of The Replacements, the great Minneapolis group … Slim Dunlap, in my opinion, is simply one of the best rock ‘n’ roll songwriters we have. He deserves a much, much larger audience than he’s gathered. 

The closest connection I'd ever head of was when he jumped onstage at Tramps to play Tracks of My Tears with Soul Asylum in 1995.

As Springsteen superfan (and Xmastime Hall of Famer!) Mad Dog would say: "Nice job Bwucie!

Oooooh did I find audio of this YES I DID, people!!

Are You Kidding Me du Jour

Richard Kind has only been in seven episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm????!!

Doing God's Work

A sixth-grader has decided to once and for all answer the question, "Do Cat Buttholes Touch All Surfaces"?

I'll leave the thrilling conclusion for you to find out yourself.

"Oh dear God, they know...THEY KNOW!!!!!!"

Bipartisianship is for Suckers

I've been screaming for quite awhile now that Democrats need to give up this fever dream of trying to get Republicans to agree with them on shit, insisting that bipartisanship is somehow more important than getting shit done that they wanna get done. Fellow genius Ezra Klein agrees:

The case for bipartisanship is that we are a divided nation, and legislation should reflect the best ideas of both sides, while not overly antagonizing either. “The truth is, my Democratic friends do not have all the answers and my Republican friends do not, either,” Manchin wrote. “This has always been the case.” He’s right. Neither party can claim omniscience. But in practice, bipartisan governance does not result in legislation featuring the best ideas of Republicans and the best ideas of Democrats. At least in the modern era, that’s likelier to happen through partisan governance.

To insist on bipartisanship as a condition of passage is to believe that it’s better for American politics to choose its solutions from the kid’s menu.

Democrats of course are the worst, even now with a majority they're so desperate to NOT be accused of...what, doing what their constituents have asked them to do? They are the living personification of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. For fucks sake what the point in having elections if we don't let those elected govern?

Michael Collins

This will never not blow my mind:

I have looked at this picture countless times. But it still startled me when I saw the caption someone had dreamed up for it: “Michael Collins is the only human being, living or dead, not in the frame of this picture.

What Is It With Knuckleball Pitchers?

A decade ago I mentioned this insane story about Gaylord Perry:

Like most pitchers, Perry was not renowned for his hitting ability, and in his sophomore season of 1963, his manager Alvin Dark is said to have joked, "They'll put a man on the moon before he hits a home run." There are other variants on the story, but either way, on July 20, 1969, just an hour after the Apollo 11 spacecraft carrying Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed on the moon, Perry hit the first home run of his career.

And now I read that fellow knuckler (my high school nickname heh heh heh) Joe Niekro hit exactly one home one in his career and it was off...his own brother. Whack, dawg!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Via BUZZFEED

Happy Days?

If you think I’m letting porn-stash Fonz anywhere near my new wife then you are out of your goddam mind. 

10 Years Already???!!?!?!?

(originally posted in real time during the wedding)

Today is the 10-year anniversary of The Royal Wedding, ie the single greatest day of my pathetic life, so of course I'm watching the rerun on TLC right now. Somewhere out there my high school football coach is reading this, shaking his head "I knew it."

Since I'm feeling generous with you people, here's some Xmastime gems from that day (bold denotes post title if applicable):
 __________________________________________________________

- On one hand, I'm miffed he's stealing my future wife. On the other, his getting married takes him off the market, therein removing my competition and returning me to my rightful place as The World's Most Eligible Bachelor. Thanks, King Dickhead!

- I look forward to the first time someone points out to me that I wasn't invited to the Royal Wedding, just so I can put on a self-knowing smile and look wistfully off into the distance before saying "oh, friend...wasn't I?" and then walk away chuckling to myself.

-  Bride's Headlights On When She  Gets Out of the Car At Westminster Abbey?

- Someone Cutting Onions in Here?
I admit it - the big overhead shot of her at the end of her walk down the aisle got me a little bit.  A little too How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria, wasn't it?  HEY - I'M NOT A ROBOT!!!

 

- William Arthur Phillip Louis

That "Louis" (pronounced "Lew-ee") sounds pretty jarring within that name, no?  Like Lord Mountbatten Von Frankie the Rat, no? 

- Kanye West being invited to the wedding and then not breaking in on Kate's brother's Bible reading with "Yo, Jimmy, I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but the Bible reading at Albert and Victoria's wedding was the best of all time!" means the British aren't really as funny as we thought, doesn't it?

- There are apparently more black people at the Royal Wedding than at a Springsteen concert.

-  Has Trump demanded the bride show her virgin papers yet?

- God Save the Queen

At this moment, you KNOW there's about 100 million people across America thinking "you're damn RIGHT you better sing America the Beautiful, queers!"

- During Reading, the Bride's Brother Mentions His Album Drops Next Tuesday on iTunes? 

- Ill be honest: I'll be disappointed if "going into that most cherished, unaccessible part of Westminster Abbey to sign the wedding registry" is not a euphemism.  Can't they come out with their clothes disheveled? Camon.  Hell, I might use it myself; it's much classier than when I say I'm about to "polish off a tube of Pringles, heh heh heh."

- England flawlessly pulls off the Wedding of the Century while we're egging on a guy with the worst comb-over in the world to careen around the world "wondering" if our President is American or smart enough to go to college without white charity.  Of course.

- Sooooo...Who's Gonna Tell Him?

 

- "Harry Just Cut One!"

- "How YOU Doin'?"

- "Another New Pair of Diamond Earrings? Really?"

 

- "White? Oh, HELL No!"

 

- "Oh, Shit...Harry IS the Handsome One..."

- Ah Yes: The Single Greatest "Pull My Finger" in History

-  Is There NOTHING McDonald's Can't Get Their Mitts On?

 

- Life makes no sense. I work at a celebrity magazine.  No move from any A to F-list celebrity goes unnoticed.  There's also an entire style section.  Most of the staff is women, and I'm maybe the only straight guy there.  And yet from what I can gather, I am the only person in the office who got up at 5:30am to watch the Royal Wedding.  Wtf? 

- "I guess Xmastime isn't gonna come and save me from this after all. Damn you, free pizza day at the office!"

 

- "Weeeeell...I see the Archbishop is rather pleased to see me..."

- Another person smarter than me wants to point out the silliness of our coverage of the Royal Wedding:

As you read this, the big three morning shows -- "Good Morning America," "Today" and "The CBS Morning News" -- are continuing to re-hash, analyze and replay the ceremony on tape while going live to various correspondents and experts in England and elsewhere. The morning shows usually run two hours -- more if an affiliate takes their built-in spillover, but for the sake of argument let's just say they did two hours' worth, and add that to the overnight coverage, which ran four hours, bringing the total to six. And then let's ask ourselves this question: When's the last time the top guns of the American electronic media covered an event, any event, for six hours straight without any significant interruption, at any hour of the day or night?

I'd say the answer to that is several days up to and including two days ago, when the media shut down to follow Donald Trump around and report and analyze and re-report and re-analyze everything that came out of his mouth, which was probably only until Charlie Sheen decided to start talking again anyway.  Covering the Royal Wedding makes our media look like The Algonquin Round Table compared to how it usually looks.

- Now everybody in the office is watching the re-run, so I'm enjoying being the only one who's already seen it, smugly pointing out "oh, I remember this!" and emitting that "I dunno, things might fall apart here..." high-pitched hum at various intervals.

Hey, I have so few victories in this life, I gotta savor the flavor when I get one, playahs.

- Xmastime, For the Spare.

- I'm so depressed this wedding is over. I've been to weddings of people I've loved, and not thought twice about them afterwards.

Anyway, I'm glad I saw it happen live. All the incredible stories of Americans over there, the camaraderie et al on the streets of London, make me feel like I was a small part of it, even if only thousands of miles away via television.

- I was surprised that they included the "if anyone objects, say so now or forever hold their peace" bit in such a wedding.  I mean, that's a pretty big matzah ball to leave out there, no?

- "The Beckhams are Here? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!"

- It's very easy for me to imagine why we're all so wrapped up in this wedding.  In our earliest days of childhood, we're told wondrous stories of kings and queens and princes and princesses, stories either of history or fairy tales.  The fairy tales were as real as the Disney characters we so closely followed at the same age, so when we get a chance to witness actual royalty doing historic, royal things that we forget exists in a modern world, it's exciting - it's as close a connection to those kings and queens of our imaginations as we could ever possibly come in real life.  And in today's day and age, with this couple in particular, it's easy for us to watch such a ceremony handed down through thousands of years of stoic, British tradition and know that there will also be a night a year from now during which these two people will be laughing at The Hangover 2 while dusting off a bag of Cheetos.

More importantly, there is a generational touchstone to such an event that will be remembered for years and years to come - I remember getting up at 4am to watch Charles and Diana's wedding, and here I am watching his son do the same thirty years later, at what turns out to be almost exactly the same age as my own father was (him that day 38 years, 7 months, and 17 days, me today at 38 years, 9 months, and 15 days.)  Throw in the world's collective memory of "I watched this boy grow up, from being born to his mother's funeral and now this morning," and it's easy to get caught up in things.  It's also why we'll probably pay attention to Harry's wedding more than we cared about Charles' brothers' weddings - when children lose their mother, their community always feels possessive and wants to help protect them.  I've been there, maybe that's why I'm so connected to these boys; meanwhile, their community just happens to be most of the planet.

Of COURSE the whole thing is kind of silly in and of itself, and NO it's not going to change your life, but if one moment can encapsulate everything in this post then that's a pretty good moment, and moments like that can add up to make us happier than we'd otherwise be.

Most days are forgettable at best, willfully forgettable at worst.  This was not one of them.

-  "The Gorton's Fisherman, Gee, We've NEVER Heard That One Before, you Fucking Twat!"

 

- My favorite h8rs are the guys that claim watching the wedding is stupid because it's people that will never know or give two shits about us, and then put on their $200 "authentic!" Giants jersey to scream their heads off for Eli Manning every week. Interesting.

- Why are wedding vows exchanged in the beginning of the ceremony?  I mean, after five minutes, they were offically married.  Then we had to sit around for another 55 minutes.  Isn't the exchange of vows the climax?  I don't start out a session of lovemaking by jizzing on a girl's tits, and THEN spend an hour slowly dripping vodka into her water drop by drop, do I?  What the hell?

Also, isn't part of the fun secretly hoping that the second before the "I do", someone will freak out and not do it?  Wouldn't it be good to at least have that to look forward to during the ceremony?  Get that out of the way so quickly, and you're basically just sitting around in a suit listening to crappy songs that nobody really cares about.

Oh Camon FFS

It’s always driven me nuts whenever bands go on Saturday Night Live to play their big “hit", and then play the crappy plaintive ballad on Side 2 nobody cares about for their second song of the night. I mean you’re on SNL, this is a national audience, why not show your best?

To this day the only person I’ve ever seen do this is Paul Westerberg, who after playing whatever song he needed to on his first solo album said "fuck it” and for his second song played the Replacements’ classic Can't Hardly Wait, which included a laugh break about Burt Reynolds. THAT is rock and roll, people.

 

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Tucker Carlson’s an idiot but I think an argument could be made re: “aren’t most kids disgustingly covered in snot/spreading disease and should have been wearing masks this whole time?” 🤔 

Biden Speech

“Sleepy Joe & the Robinettes”. Finally, his middle name “Robinette” is paying off. 

Very Funny, Countertop

Garfield du Jour: DOUBLE SHOT!

 

A Steak Meal!

After being fucked around with by Acorn TV earlier, here's an Only Fools and Horses clip to soothe our battered, taunted feelings: Del Boy tries something called "computer dating". 🤣

AM/FM/WTF

I generally only peruse any "10 Things About The Beatles You Never Knew!" lists to snobbishly roll my eyes about already knowing everything on them, which I was fully prepared to do with this 10 Beatles Innovations That Changed Music one. And it pretty much is the same as always - one thing I can snidely remark on is the line about their studio techniques deserving an entire list to themselves when in fact entire BOOKS have been written about said techniques - but in all honesty I don't think I've ever heard this one:

By 1968, the American radio dial preferred to have music on AM and talk radio on FM, and most AM stations played music in a three-minute single format. This meant that any singles significantly longer or shorter than three minutes were ignored by AM stations, because it would wreck their repetitive hourly format to play it. When the Beatles released “Hey Jude” as a single in August, 1968, it was nearly 7 1/2 minutes long, and AM stations simply chopped off the song at the 3:00 mark, which denied listeners the chance to hear their favorite part – “Na na na nanananaaa.” At KSAN-FM in San Francisco, radio pioneer Tom Donahue used the promise of a whole “Hey Jude” single as a means to lure listeners away from local AM stations to his uniquely programmed FM station, and the idea eventually snowballed across the country. Within ten years, American radio stations had almost completely switched places, and put music on FM and talk radio on AM.

Oh, moi: always learning, always optimizing!

RIP Michael Collins

I read his autobiography Carrying the Fire and it was page after page of an incredibly accomplished/brilliant/humble - dare I say, down to Earth? - guy. I guess Buzz is the only one left from Apollo 11 now...actually I don't have to guess, it's literally a fact.

We mourn the passing of Apollo 11 astronaut Michael Collins, who piloted humanity’s first voyage to the surface of another world. An advocate for exploration, @AstroMCollins inspired generations and his legacy propels us further into the cosmos: https://t.co/47by569R56 pic.twitter.com/rKMxdTIYYm

— NASA (@NASA) April 28, 2021

Truth du Jour! #OTD2020

Questions. I Have Them.

What’s the argument against restaurants being able to be at 100% capacity if they employ a bouncer at the door checking vax cards the way bars do ids? 

Oh Fuck You, Acorn Tv

Glanced at this and thought "OMG IT'S THE LATEST ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES DOCUMENTARY" but these fuckers were just teasing me oh fuck you, Acorn TV.

The Four Stages of Peanuts

1) “What’s happening to our innocence?”

2) “The industrialization of the economy is punishing and remorseless.”

3) “Here’s a five year-old girl furiously taking a shit”

4) “Our childhoods are gone forever.”

Hold Up.

I’ve always known The Gleneagles was the hotel that inspired the classic Fawlty Towers, but when it was sold was it renamed Sachs after the actor Andrew Sachs who played the gloriously bumbling Manuel on the show??!!!?? 🤔😳

Goddaughter Memories

SOMEone’s about to pay the price for eating “the good chips”.... 😬😳

Reagan -> Trump -> ?

Ronald Reagan has always had a haze of "Great American President" about him because the Boomers worshiped him as their John Wayne and kids my age didn't really know any better, and he was funny and charismatic when the cameras were rolling, but as time rolls by it become more and more obvious of what an incredibly shitty person and president he was.

This article recalls too many instance of what a monster he really was to put in a single post here so I won't even bother. But it's incredibly obvious that the reason we ended up with Trump as president is Reagan, and it's only going to get worse it we let it. Our only hope is Biden's polciies of doing the exact opposite of this shithead working so well for everybody and not just Scrooge McDuck are finally clarified in people's minds when they vote.*

*I have exactly zero hope of this happening

A Time to Doggie

Unlike his old partner Mike, who would get indignant if anyone wanted to talk about something other than the Giants offensive line, Doggie is happy to have people he likes outside of sports such as authors on his show. I wouldn't call  myself a Grisham fan - I read The Firm and A Time to Kill back in the day like everybody else - but he was at his peak of royalty when I lived in Oxford alongside him. They wanted to film A Time to Kill on the Square while I was there but were turned down, but I did get to see them film a Kevin Spacey scene outside of Natchez (no, he did not try to fuck me). I once saw him in the middle of an aisle of the Piggly-Wiggly. But I greatly admire not just his success, but the fact that he still cranks out books at an absurd pace, basically once a year. I for one won't read them, but I admire him for it. Plus that accent is just intoxicating to hear, let's be honest, and the fact that he lives in Charlottesville now and is bff with UVa basketball coach Tony Bennett makes him even better to moi.

ICYMI: America's Favorite Storyteller @JohnGrisham joined me to talk about his latest novel "Sooley" and what this book means to him @MadDogUnleashed @doubledaybooks

For more videos of “Mad Dog Unleashed” download or visit the SiriusXM App https://t.co/Ko0A3kMSJT pic.twitter.com/KyKgDwf7VH

— Chris Mad Dog Russo (@MadDogUnleashed) April 28, 2021

I Agree!

And somehow, the cheaper the bread (white Wonder Bread is optimal), the better. 

*chef's kiss*

Mystery Vid

Apparently back when the Knicks were wooing LeBron (was that a thousand years ago?!?!??!) they made a video of celebs begging him to come to MSG, including...Tony & Carmela Soprano:

Hock sent a few cameras to Gandolfini’s apartment. When the actor appeared with a beard, he wondered how to explain it, then came up with the idea that he was in the witness protection program.

The scene had Tony and Carmela going through the real estate listings, ostensibly to find James his own place in New York City if and when he came. Hock marveled at their magnetism. It had been nearly three years since the show’s final episode aired, yet the time apart had not extinguished their flame after six seasons and 85 episodes together.

“Just to be in the room to watch them work together and zero in on a little thought, even a silly one — privilege (was) not nearly strong enough a word,” Hock said. “It was an incredible thing to witness. How LeBron James could not come to a city that Edie Falco and James Gandolfini wanted him to come is beyond me. I was told he laughed and enjoyed the scene.

Of course the beauty of this video is nobody has ever seen it and nobody knows where it is, making it the Holy Grail of Ways The Knicks Desperately Failed Getting a Good Player to Willfully Join The Knicks.

"LeBron? On the phone? Right now? Let me handle thi-hello? Hello? Hello?"

Goodbye - I Mean, Hello City Life!

Via RetroNewNow:

By April 27, 1971, CBS had axed six popular, rural-themed programs, dubbed the ‘Rural Purge,’ to focus on more socially conscious shows like ‘All In The Family’

All of these shows are garbage (although to be fair Hee Haw had a place vis-a-vis vaudeville) but the older I get funnier Green Acres is. Fantastically funny, satirical show.

Oh FFS du Jour

I first realized/bitched back in 2010 that Carol Burnett never has hosted Saturday Night Live.

She still hasn't.

And now the internet is a bit up in a roar about Elon Musk hosting in 2 weeks.

I don't know what to think about Elon Musk hosting Saturday Night Live other than it's a reminder of how absurd it is that he'll have then hosted more times than Carol Burnett. 😡

Lede: buried!

I meant to post about it yesterday but totes forgot (HEY! I'm human! DEAL with it!) that Saturday was the 120th anniversary of Ollie Pickering being the first-ever American League at-bat:

On April 24, 1901, Pickering was the leadoff batter for the Cleveland Blues (precursor to the Indians), which was the visiting team facing the Chicago White Sox in the first game ever played in the American League. The three other games scheduled that day were rained out. Thus, Pickering was the first person to bat in the American League

Of course a slightly further perusal throughout the story reveals this:

Pickering hit the second pitch from Chicago White Sox right-hander Roy Patterson to center field. William Hoy, a deaf-mute who was cruelly nicknamed Dummy, caught the routine fly, and with that the American League was officially underway.

😬🤷‍♂️🤣

(if it makes you feel any better, "Dummy Hoy" lived to the ripe old age of 99, so.)

Johnny’s Gonna Die

Johnny Thunders died 30 years ago today. I remember hearing about it when it happened and even then it felt like it’d been 100 years since he’d blown the chance to be the Chuck Berry of his generation because of addiction. Just sad. 

Twin Bed!

The Aidy Bryant bit about “Jean” is lol great. 

Baseball is Crazy Amirite?

Apparently these two things just happened within an hour of each other. Man. 

Cool Pops!

31 years ago I met one of my college suite mates for freshman year, Greg Tsigaridas. I immediately called him “Cool Pops”, and have ever since. We haven’t seen each other since then, we’re just purely Facebook friends, but he’s just one of those really, really good people that make you happy when good things happen to them.

He grew up in Amelia County, with his Greek father owning what I’m sure was the only diner in Amelia County. Then went to nearby Longwood and never left - now he’s the big mucketty-muck overseeing the campus IT department.

He spent most of his youth in the diner, and a few years ago after his father died they sold it. He took me there to eat once and it was exactly as delightful as you'd picture it. But apparently he held on to some of the 45s that spent years and years shouting out from the jukebox, and now I see this FB post from him:

Last night I had the pleasure of joining my friends on their radio show, Last Move, where the theme was "Buddys Jukebox." I brought along 17 selections that had played at my parents' restaurant from 1977-87, and seeing those records spinning again after being in storage for 30-40 years was really special. Thanks Mark and Ian for having me on and prompting a walk down memory lane! If you want to give it a listen, it'll be available here for two weeks.

This is a sincere thrill for me to listen to. Thanks, Cool Pops. 

(I'd embed it here but I don't know if a click here takes away from his Soundcloud numbers, so.)

Me/Pops/Shannon doing what dudes did in the early 90s!

TV Vetter: Watching So You Don't Have To

The Moodys (Hulu) - fairly unwatchable standard sitcom of the "for some reason all the fully grown-up kids are at their parents' house and are with each other 24/7" genre. Denis Leary is the exact same he always is - anybody from a younger generation is a total pussy, and he can't believe at age 65 he can't compete with the company hockey team. Elizabeth Perkins is the same she always is which is fine except she's obsessed with her son's sex life. The second they're back in their parents' house, the two boys turn back into 12 year-olds, "oooooh, only one cupcake left, let's run around the house trying to fight each other while aaaaaaaaalmost smashing everything in the house to bits!" Hysterical! The only redeeming character is their (Puerto-Rican?) cousin Marco, whose boundless optimism and smiling fits nicely in a new Ted Lasso world.  UPDATE: looks like it's mercifully been cancelled.

Home Economics (Hulu) - fairly watchable solely because of a cast way stronger that the material. A thoughtful premise in today's time, with three siblings in different economic classes: the youngest sibling is a kazillionaire, middle kid is unemployed and struggling, and the protagonist is somewhere in the middle. There could be interesting ways to make this premise work but so far 99% of the show takes place in the kazillionaire's house with him doing kazillionaire things. And he's supposedly a kazillionaire finance genius, but is portrayed as a man-child who surprises you when he can read. Some funny lines here and there, but hopefully this will get more interesting past "oh look here's the siblings all up in each other's business 24/7 at the rich one's mansion".

Rutherford Falls (Peacock) - oh look, it's Ed Helms playing a WASP-y elitist white doofus, who saw this coming? Only one episode in, this seems to be Andy Bernard moves to Pawnee. The "breakout" actress playing Helm's sidekick Native American does that thing Neve Campbell started 25+ years ago that every actress has copied since, where every line is delivered haltingly and under breath while giving an out-loud play-by-play of how nervous they are. Great bones - Helms and Michael Schur - but I see no hope for this show. Only thing I'm looking forward to is that they really lean into the two Native American casino workers shitting all over the Native American's desire to help "our people", and never turn into well-meaning stereotypes you'd expect from a show like this.

Frank of Ireland (Amazon) - made it almost 10 minutes. Oh look, more 35 year-old man children careening around town without consequences. Hilarious!

8 Years Ago Today

Marley reads the lyrics to another shitty Glenn Frey/Don Henley song. Thanks, Marley!

John Sullivan 4/22/2011

Six years ago I didn't know Only Fools and Horses even existed, and now I can't imagine my life without it. 10 years ago today, creator/writer John Sullivan died, only 64 years old. His first show was Citizen Smith, which I love. Also the OFAH Boycie-centric The Green Green Grass and the OFAH prequel Rock & Chips, a drama which was incredibly beautifully done. He created a couple other shows including the original Dear John.

Late Office

A lot of The Office fans lose their shit about the show continuing after Michael Scott left. The feeling is understandable considering how great a character he was, but I'd submit that while a lot of it wasn't great - season 8 in particular was bad - it was still better than most shows, and certainly very watchable. There were some bad lengthy plot lines - Athlead, the boom mic guy, Tallahassee (tho tbh none of these is much worse than Season 6's "co-managers" nonsense) - and desperately trying to make the show all about Andy nearly killed the show off before they finally scrapped the idea heading into the final half of the last season. and in considering each episode I've come to realize that a lot of episodes are bad not because there's no funny stuff, and certainly we still love the characters anyway, but rather because a lot of the stuff they do is just head-shakingly implausible. A work bus? Drugging Stanley to slide him down the stairs? "Let's all go to Gettysburg!" And on and on and on.

I was very tough in my remarks below, but also keep in mind there's really not one of these I wouldn't be happy to re-watch at any time. I may roll my eyes and bitch at parts, but they're still watchable.

Season 8

Number of outright good episodes: 1

Number of downright bad episodes: 14

THE LIST - perfectly fine
THE INCENTIVE - not good
LOTTO - very bad
GARDEN PARTY - really good
SPOOKED - unwatchable, but the cards with dicks is funny
DOOMSDAY - fine
PAM’S REPLACEMENT - bad but Dwight with the old man in the pharmacy is hilarious
GETTYSBURG - thoroughly implausible
MRS. CALIFORNIA - terrible, one of the worst
CHRISTMAS WISHES - terrible, worst Christmas episode by a mile
TRIVIA - okay
POOL PARTY - bad
JURY DUTY - one of the most forgettable episodes, if not the most forgettable
SPECIAL PROJECT - bad, kicked off the whole wtf Tallahassee plot line
TALLAHASSEE -  bad but Dwight fighting through appendicitis is pretty funny
AFTER HOURS - bad and implausible
TEST THE STORE - bad
LAST DAY IN FLORIDA - bad but good to see Jim try to save Dwight
GET THE GIRL - one of the worst
WELCOME PARTY - magician stuff is really funny
ANGRY ANDY - immediately forgettable
FUNDRAISER - bad
TURF WAR - not good but it’s always good to see Jim & Dwight teaming up together for any reason
FREE FAMILY PORTRAIT STUDIO - blech

Season 9

Number of outright good episodes: 11

Number of downright bad episodes: 8

NEW GUYS - love this, mostly due to the introduction of Clark (Young Dwight)
ROY’S WEDDING - really good
ANDY’S ANCESTRY - meh
WORK BUS - wildly implausible but the Jim/Dwight and Andy/Nellie moments are really good
HERE COMES TREBLE - really good
THE BOAT - bad
THE WHALE - the Dwight/Jan stuff is great
THE TARGET - some of the Chris Gethard stuff is among the best comedy bits throughout the entire series
DWIGHT CHRISTMAS - GREAT episode!
LICE - bad
SUIT WAREHOUSE - LOVE this one, wanted more Dwight/Clark together
CUSTOMER LOYALTY - bad: the prefect storm of the stupid Jim/Philly stuff and the boom mic guy, neither of which I gave a shit about
JUNIOR SALESMAN - fun having new faces, Dwight’s weird friends, milling about
VANDALISM - terrible
COUPLES DISCOUNT - terrible
MOVING ON - the Dwight aunt stuff is bad but the Bob Odenkirk stuff is pure delight
THE FARM - weird but actually pretty funny
PROMOS - OKAY, STARTS THE FINAL TURN TOWARDS A FEW REALLY GREAT EPISODES AT THE END (sorry caps not retyping)
STAIRMAGEDDON - stupidly implausible
PAPER AIRPLANE - no clue how this even got made
LIVIN THE DREAM - fantastic episode, lot of great stuff for Dwight packed in
A.A.R.M. - great penultimate double episode,
FINALE - one of the best sitcom finales of all time, really wraps things up nicely and if you’re not fighting waterworks at the end you’r not human. This one has it all.

Little Red Corvette

Fellow Minneapolis resident Paul Westerberg on Prince:

My first recollection of seeing him was a dress rehearsal for one of his early tours. I was next to another musician, a couple other guys that were up-and-comers and we thought we were hot shit. After about 60 seconds of watching Prince I said to him, "I'm fucking embarrassed to be alive."

Prince died five years ago today. As a kid, back in those "hold the tape recorder up to the radio!" days, this song was the song for me. I remember stumbling onto a magazine in Safeway and it had the lyrics and my mind was blown that you could even read the lyrics to a song, no less a song this great.

He lived for 30+ more years. He was an incredible musician. But this will always be my Prince song. It is, in a word, stunning.

Okay This Makes Me Happy

Footage of kids in 1985 talking about why they love Only Fools and Horses. Good kids!

While I'm sure they quickly warmed up to Uncle Albert, it's kinda heartwarming to see their allegiance to Grandad, played by the then-recently deceased Lennard Pearce.

And as a bonus, there is zero doubt in my mind that 1985-Xmastime could've beaten the living shit out of each and every one of these motherfuckers.

Oh, the Dramz!

As you faithful fans know, when it comes to tv I'm very much a sitcom guy. I commented to Brothatime!! earlier (earlier...as if it could've been later?) that I've only ever gotten caught up in a handful of dramas, so I thought I'd list them here.

STRAIGHT-UP ADULT WEEKLY DRAMA (* connotes "in the pantheon)

The West Wing*, ER (the first 39 seasons only), Mad Men*, The Sopranos*, Treme (even as every episode became the same thing over and over and over), Shameless, Spartacus*, Friday Night Lights*

HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA I SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED I WATCHED

Beverly Hills 90210*, Melrose Place (unwatchable today), Dawson's Creek, Party of Five, My So-Called Life

NICE FAMILY SHOWS FROM MY YOUTH I STILL LOVE

Little House on the Prairie*, The Waltons*

STREAMING/BINGING-ERA DRAMA

True Detective* (first season only, obviously), Bloodline, House of Cards, The Crown*, Downton Abbey*

I'm sure I missed some, but you get the point. You're welcome, people!

Mrs. Doyle

Twitter tells me that 26 years ago today all-time classic Father Ted debuted. All three of the priests were great to watch but I never failed to crack up whenever Mrs. Doyle ding-batted in and out of a scene. 

Meathead Foo Young

Over 10 years ago I wrote:

You people know I loves me some egg foo young (prolly why I'm still not fitting into my Fashion Herald skinny jeans.)  But I never seem to know anybody else that even knows what it is, much less eats it. Matter of fact, the only other person I've even seen eat it is Brothatime!!

But just now on the classic episode of All in the Family, the one with the flashback to when Archie met Meathead, they're having Chinese food pre-flashback, and they whip out some egg foo young.  It's the only instance I've ever even heard it referred to on tv. Is egg foo young actually some sort of a retro dish from the 70's? Is that why nobody else eats it? Is that why I still love Joy Garden, cause it looks like it's 1972?

I'm watching the same episode right now and realize Mike's eating his egg foo young without gravy and now I feel vindicated in calling him a monster. I mean, good god, ya'll.

Dynamite du Jour

Dunno who this guy is but these are killer 🤣

All these laughs AND a Quantum Realm reference? This made my day, @ScottSeiss. Thanks. https://t.co/GyI2GvUktc

— Peyton Reed (@MrPeytonReed) April 21, 2021

Part 2 of all of them pic.twitter.com/9CjyC6EoCz

— Scott Seiss (@ScottSeiss) April 20, 2021

Fair Play, Earth!

 

Ichiro Suzuki

Ichiro only played two seasons for the Yankees and was way past his prime, but I absolutely loved him as a Yankee. 

I've only ever had one Yankees shirt, and it's this one:

He was a total pro, and I'd never realized he had a sense of humor before he was buddies with Jeter. But it's taken my re-watching Jen Burns' Tenth Inning, the addendum to his stupendous Baseball series, to remember exactly how fucking wonderful he was to watch. He could do it all - hit for average, pop one out when he wanted, run the bases perfectly, steal bases and had an absolute CANNON in right field. He came into the league right as baseball decided to be a home run or strike out league, and it's a shame everybody chose to play that way instead of the Ichiro way, because the Ichiro way is so much more entertaining to watch.

So. This Can't Be Good.

The Deer Hunter, Rocky, The Apartment