Movie Idea

Guy trying to commit suicide never gets around to killing himself because of all the creative feedback he keeps getting on his suicide note. Looking for investors. Let’s print some money, people!

Important Question

Is this Monica Lewinsky series a presumably rare case of the actual person being better looking than the actress playing her? 🤔

This Needs to Stop

I don't put too much stock in the seriousness of "cancel culture", I think it's a very small problem made very big by a few people with microphones. Comedians in particular love crying about it...while being paid a ton of money in front of large audiences. So when I heard rumblings of Comedy Central pulling the classic Diversity Day episode of The Office out of their schedule I didn't take it seriously. Just like the Fawlty Towers nonsense last year I assumed they'd waffle a bit but in the end stand strong. But of course I was wrong:

NBC's long-running show The Office is the latest comedy series to join the list of those to become casualties of cancel culture.

That's as viewers familiar with one of America's favorite mockumentaries watching a recent Sunday marathon on Comedy Central noticed that the show's "Diversity Day" episode was omitted from the rotation.

Ironically, the politically incorrect episode satirizes contemporary corporate "diversity and inclusion" policies. It features the impetuous and chronic jester Michael Scott (Steve Carell) forcing his paper company employees to participate in a racial diversity seminar when, in fact, it's his behavior that necessitates the training. During the seminar, he speaks in an exaggerated Indian accent and reprises Chris Rock's notorious standup routine about different kinds of black people.

I mean for fuck's sake - the entire point of the episode is how ridiculous and wrong Michael Scott is. Can we stop it already with this horseshit? Did anybody actually ask for this? Classic "oh, then the phone call came pouring in!" nonsense.

I mean dear god...THEY EVEN GOT PEPE LE PEW!!!!

This...

...totally validates my current policy at work: "just put a damn dog in the ad".

WHY DON'T I LIVE IN ENGLAND?!?!?!?!!?! 😭😭😭

Sigh. Back When I Was Funny.

This Infuriates Me. 😡

Xmastime TV Review: Only Murders in the Building

Just 10 minutes in and I can confidently declare that Martin Short should get an Emmy for the category “Being the Fantastic Martin Short”

ALSO: now I'm jonesing for one of those luxury pre-war apartments.

ALSO ALSO: GREAT title sequence, and general overall look/color palette.

Life. This Cat Gets It.

Movie Ideas. I Have Them.

Prince Charles snaps “oh fuck this” and murders his mother so he can finally be King of England, kicking off 9 episodes of him dedicating the naming of London streets to the members of One Direction. Looking for sponsors, people! Let’s make some bank!!!

Archie Being Archie du Jour 🤣🤣🤣

Seeking Investment $$$

Movie idea: the relationship between a school bus driver and the kid who’s the first one picked up in the morning and last one dropped off in the afternoon. Let’s pull at some heartstrings, people!! Not a dry eye on the bus!

How Delightful Am I, You Ask?

Two great lines from me while playing tennis tonight:

“Wow - like a ghost in the boudoir, he didn’t see that coming.”

“Oooh, that was like Mark David Chapman shooting at Yoko Ono: JUST missed!”

You’re welcome, Earth!

Women, I Mean Amirite Guys?

Twitter is lousy with polls these days and there's a big one on songs that pits Billy Joel's Scenes from an Italian Restaurant vs. Springsteen's Thunder Road. Right now it's tied with 591 votes each, which produced this gem. Ha!

State du Moi

Other than dying at 69 - and being a woman - I feel like I'd enjoy having Erma Bombeck's life: suburban mother from the 1960s-90s pumping out humor columns & books. Nice.

Graham Chapman Was Actually Crazy

I had no idea they'd made what was an entirely unreadable book into a surely unwatchable movie. Meanwhile, I stand by this:

 

I have the autobiographies of three members of Monty Python and they’re exactly like you’d expect: John Cleese’s is pompous and maddeningly ends right before Monty Python begins, Michael Palin’s diary is thoughtful and earnest, and Graham Chapman’s makes absolutely no sense to the point of being unreadable. 

 

Sadly, he died at only 48. His writing partner John Cleese famously said that he was didn't work right and should've been sent back to the factory to be fixed. Incredibly, Chapman's a main part of two of the greatest scenes ever: the single greatest scene of all time, and the greatest utterance of "Jesus Christ!" in human history.

 

Here's Cleese's eulogy of Chapman, during which he proudly uttered the first "fuck" live on the BBC.

 

I Don't Wanna Be History's Greatest Monster...

...but am I it for noticing that the B plot to the All in the Family episode where Gloria gets (almost?) raped, Gloria the Victim, is about footlong hot dogs? 🤔😬

Questions. I Have Them.

Why does the word menstruation start with “men”? 🤔

Regrets.

Looking back now with four more years of wisdom behind me, I feel that there are in fact worse things.

Oh, Muffy!

Apparently being preppy is making a comeback:

No one really uses that word much anymore, but over the past several years, I’ve started to see its descendants creep up on TikTok, Pinterest, and Instagram. Lithe white people in khaki pants and oxford shirts lounging on a sailboat; tweed blazers inside an Ivy League library; tennis skirts and croquet in front of someone’s summer home; Blair Waldorf and The Talented Mr. Ripley. It goes by different monikers online, sometimes categorized as dark academia (or light academia if it’s a picture of a sunny setting), the WASP look, or the socialite lifestyle, but the descriptor I’m seeing most often is “old money aesthetic.” 

I don't really care one way or the other, but one of my favorite bits is in an old post about the classic Preppy Handbook:

One funny thing I have learned though the years is that one trademark of the preppy is that much like today's hipsters, a preppy will refuse to acknowledge that he or she is, in fact, a preppy. This list includes: 

1) Preppy

2) Hipster

3) "The Man"

4) "Part of the System"

State du Moi

Me: Has anyone else made the connection that during Jason Sudeikis’ final moments on SNL Mick Jagger was there and they were playing She’s a Rainbow? (drops mic)

Everybody Else: he stayed for another whole year, idiot

Me: 

Thoughts. I Have Them.

It's a no-brainer to me that if there's ever an All in the Family reboot Archie should be played by Ricky Gervais.

OCTOBER 15! APPLE TV! 🤗

New Book/Sometimes Nothing Makes Sense

From the prologue: 

 

Virginia’s Jimmy Miller neatly summarized the period for the Cavaliers when he said famously: “In less than two weeks, we went from winning the Game of the Decade to Losing the Game of the Century.”

 

Nobody would accuse UVa of having a massive imprint on the history of college basketball but this juxtaposition coupled with them becoming the first-ever #1 seed to lose in the tourney to a #16 seed and then winning it all the following year certainly gives them a unique history, for sure. 

Side Note: nobody ever remembers that before losing to Chaminade UVa handily beat Houston - definitely THE greatest team to never win a title, featuring Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler - WITHOUT RALPH SAMPSON, who was in the hospital with the flu!!

Love Kills

Both Joe Strummer and The Ramones released songs about Sid Vicious…BOTH in 1986 and BOTH titled Love Kills. Whack!

But Strummer’s is by far the better track, a very overlooked/forgotten solo number from the Sid and

Nancy movie. Enjoy!

The Hits Just Keep on Coming

Ed Asner died today at 91. Hey 91 is 91 and I don't wanna make this about me, but during my current run of watching an episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show every night both Lou Grant and Murray have died. 😬

Scratched

Longtime Jamaican record producer Lee "Scratch" Perry had died at 85. He worked on a billion records, one of which of course was Complete Control by The Clash:

The ‘Upsetter’ was already cognisant of and approving of The Clash’s punky/ reggae take on ‘Police & Thieves’, a song which he had co-written and produced with the lilting-voiced Junior Murvin. In fact, he’d been so impressed with The Clash’s take that he had tacked a picture of them just above his mixing console in tribute to them. Happenstance also plays a role here, because Perry happened to be in London at that very same moment with Bob Marley & the Wailers. Much to the delight of The Clash Perry agreed to produce the ‘Complete Control’ recording sessions.

I always wondered why with their fascination with dub & reggae they'd get their mitts on Perry they'd do a straight-up rocker but it's one of my Top 3 Clash songs so who am I argue?

A Few Xmastime TV Thoughts

The Other Two (HBOMax), Season 1

Thanks to Xmastime buddy Op for the recommendation (hi, Xmastime buddy Op!)

Very enjoyable, with some real LOLs 

Gold star: every single thing Ken Marino said or did was hysterical.

Same with Wanda Sykes

And Molly Shannon, fresh off her hot spot on The White Lotus, was fantastic as well.

The daughter was great but was pretty much a dead-on impersonation of Dee from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Especially the voice - uncanny.

I may have misunderstood the premise but while the younger brother's fame did affect the other two siblings, it didn't really seem to do so in a negative way. They didn't seem to resent him at all.

I also thought Molly Shannon was going to be a monstrous stage mom (maybe in Season 2, which is showing her to have a talk show on tv?)

Is the kinda-hookup-with-your-straight-roommate-but-not-really an actual thing? Seemed a bit much.

LOVED the daughter's ex Lance; the actor had previously played pretty much the exact same character in a terrible show The Moodys, which I watched all the way through its run because I hate myself.

I thought the bit about the little girl dying was really funny, but then it twisted and turned into being not as funny.

I really thought that kid from the school dance, Elijah, would spring from the shadows in a later episode to exact revenge on Cary. Was very disappointed. Though I guess there's still time?

Cary somehow has 490,000 Instagram followers? Really?

Not sure why they picked the whole "you have to tell the kid how dad really died!" was chosen to be the emotional fulcrum of the entire season. What fan would have cared one way or the other? And the kids were surprised to learn that their mother was...so sad? After her husband died? That said, Molly Shannon's very detailed reveal on the plane was hysterical and got even funnier when "my dad froze to death too" turned out to be a thing.

Happy to see Streeter Peters shown to not be a total idiot.

Maybe pull back on the constant gay humor in Season 2? I mean, we get it.

Again, every episode had some legit laughs. Looking forward to Season 2!

Ted Lasso, S2E6: The Signal

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

In a previous episode they mentioned money troubles - so how can they afford Coach Roy Kent, who surely would command a huge salary?

The “your mum’s your cleaner?” line by Hunky Luca was dynamite.

Is talking about something like guardian angels a thing on dating apps? Wtf? Are these monsters searching for love?

GREAT callback showing the real Laughing Liam doing his lunatic laugh!

Does anyone believe a man with Colin’s body could be a Premier League caliber player? Or a grown person?

Diamonds Dogs mount up! Roy’s line returning to the office is gold, Jerry, gold!

Episode written by Roy Kent!

“And that is the last time I gave a best man speech.” YES.

Is Higgins choking for no reason a thing now? Or, like finding my soul mate or a reason to live, did I miss it?

“I’m a voracious book-on-tape listener” is a curious bragging point.

Ted’s line about moms as instruction manuals woulda been funnier if they cut out the “nuts” part.

“I’m allergic to horses and radishes” = gold, Jerry, gold!

Jamie’s “I don’t know how to talk to you” was great but would been funnier if Beard didn’t respond at all.

“Until I’m murdered” + Rebecca’s reaction = gold, Jerry, gold!

If you’re starting a list of Ted Lasso spinoffs (and I am...) you may start with the three bar guys…who somehow can all be at a pub in the middle of a weekday  drinking.

HOW MANY SANDWICHES CAN BEARD EAT AT ONE SITTING??

A LA BEARD’S JANE: I dated a woman who was proud to tell anyone who’d listen about rebuffing an underwear model once So.

More Jamie/Roy scenes please!

Doesn’t the new “Jamie Tartt ballhog routine” totally wipe out Ted’s whole “make the extra pass” mantra?

Which makes us wonder…between that & their sudden turnaround once Roy Kent begins coaching, is Ted Lasso a shitty coach?

There’s no way Brett Goldstein actually walks like Roy fucking Kent.

Nothing would terrify me more than someone saying, “and then you and I can have a proper chat”.

Unless a snake said it to me.

Love how when Ted gives Jamie “the signal” he also is compelled to do a thumbs-up with the other hand.

How’d Jamie make that shot? Is the goaltender in a wheelchair? Or me?

More proof Ted may be a shitty coach: he apparently has a player who can will a goal at any moment and yet hasn’t taken advantage of it until Roy Kent tells him to. Hmmm.

Hannah Waddingham can rock a damn hat for sure.

Doesn’t her “never interfere” thing with Higgins go against her anger at him for not telling her about Rupert cheating on her? IS NOTHING ON THIS SHOW EVER FUCKING SACRED???!?! IS THIS SHOW WRITTEN BY GOLDFISH???!

“Is there a GOOD fish pie?” seems like a legit question to me.

GOAL: work “park the bus” in everyday conversation.

WTF would Dani Rojas ever have to come out during a critical moment of an important game?

Does nobody on this team know how hashtags work?

Nate’s look into the camera was dynamite.

Before this episode I don’t really remember Beard and Higgins connecting in any way, but his “fuck your handshake/let’s hug” thing got me.

Of COURSE Beard would have a girlfriend who can’t keep her hands off his ass.

At some point we are going to have to admit the fact that yes, it IS weird that this guy is now on Year #2 of living 3,000 miles away from his kid, right?

I love Sam, but I have no interest in a Sam & Rebecca romance. Except for this, of course.

The acting with just their faces by Ted & the doc is pretty tremendous. Will next week be a bottle episode with just the two of them?

I'm putting the odds of this becoming a "Bushwick indie album cover" meme at 100%:

State du Moi

On a call right now a guy said his kids are singing Mellow Yellow “and other Beatles songs” so I might just kill everyone now.

😜

Oh It's On Like a Donkey Kong

As someone who mentioned him just 12 years ago, count me in as someone who LOVED the Steve Wiebe/Billy Mitchell callout on this week's Ted Lasso!

MIND BLOWN DU JOUR

Via Alan Sepinwall's review of today's Ted Lasso episode [WARNING: SPOILER ALERT!]:

Rebecca keeps flirting with her Bantr mystery man, oblivious to the fact that he is none other than Sam Obisanya(*).

(*) Much more to say about this in ensuing weeks, but for now I will just note that George Wendt’s nephew is co-creator of a show that now has set up some unresolved sexual tension between characters named Sam and Rebecca.

MOVIE IDEA

Guy spends years trying to sue Paul McCartney for ending Hey Jude before the "nah, nah nah, nah nah nah nah" parts at a concert, finds love along the way. Now accepting investors.

Speaking of Garfield

The folks over at Garfield have an entire post about Lyman, Jon's..."roommate"...who mysteriously vanished overnight, never to be seen again. The Chuck Cunningham of comics, if you will:

Every Garfield fan understands the roomie relationship between Garf, Jon, and Odie. But did you know Jon isn't Odie's original owner?! It's true -- Odie originally came to live with Jon with his previous owner Lyman back in 1978. Haven't heard of Jon's mustachioed ex-houseguest? Read these comics to catch up on the character who hung around for awhile, but eventually disappeared without explanation.

But while they then show every strip he was ever in, they never actually give any ideas as to why he disappeared. Hmmm.

And..."Garf"? Really? BE BETTER, PEOPLE!

True Confession

I've never liked Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, which I believe most men of my generation were supposed to as boys.

I do, however, love the Golden Ticket episode of The Office. So.

Also: If Michael’s Golden Ticket idea ended up working out so well did they ever do it again? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Garfield(s) du Jour

#TBT Back When I Was "Edgy"

Hoosiers

It's totes free on YouTube so eff it, I'll share that shit.

OFAH du Jour

This ranking is actually fairly accurate except it omits one of the Top 5 scenes with Uncle Albert.  And the Cassandra miscarriage should be higher. 

Nice try nerds!

Michael Scott du Jour

Movie Idea, from Xmastime

A better version of the movie Yesterday (which I reviewed here) would be revisiting the fateful moment when Paul picked up the bass after Stuart Sutcliffe left the band. Normally, John being the inferior guitar player would mean he'd be relegated to being the bass player, but him being the leader of the band allowing him to refuse, leaving it to Paul, forever changed the future of the band and rock and roll itself, as Paul went on to become the most inventive bass player of all time. With John on bass, how different would The Beatles have turned out?

I'd watch that movie!

Questions. I Have Them.

I know about crab cakes. Are tuna cakes a thing? 🤔🤷‍♂️

INteresting...

...Ted Lasso highlights She’s a Rainbow and then Charlie Watts dies? 🤔

🤣🤣🤣

“Not great, BOB!”

Oh FFS

WHY 👏 GIVE 👏 AWAY 👏 THE 👏 ANSWER 👏 BEFORE 👏 I 👏 EVEN 👏 HAVE 👏 TO 👏 CLICK???!

Reminds me of this bullshit grrrrr.

Fido!

He only lasted one day before getting kicked out of the band because of his shitty attitude but for that one magical day Fido WAS the 5th Beatle, goddammit. 

Things That Make No Sense to Me, Vol. DMLXXCLVII

Over the course of their 22 years as a live band, The Ramones - THE quintessential New York band - never played Saturday Night Live. Which still sounds impossible to believe.

OFAH du Jour

Classic episodes that wouldn't have happened if Del Boy had left:

Dates

Yuppy Love

Danger UXD

Chain Gang

Little Problems

The Jolly Boys Outing

Class of '62

Heroes and Villains

Modern Men

Time on Our Hands

INconceivable!

This is a Dog Who Knows How to Be Chill AF

that monday feeling pic.twitter.com/6vB0R6d50j

— Humor And Animals (@humorandanimals) August 23, 2021

Footnotes

I'm fascinated by uber-footnotes in history; either in pictures (ie. who's the woman in the picture they always show kneeling over the body at Kent State?) or otherwise (Raymond Jones walking into the NEMS shop and asking Brian Epstein for the "My Bonnie" single, which made Epstein curious about The Beatles) Who are these people? Has anyone ever interviewed them? That should be a whole book, interviews with these footnote people. - MORE XMASTIME FOOTNOTES HERE 

I just learned this today about the recording of The Beatles' Fixing a Hole:

Also present at the session was a man who had arrived at McCartney's house in St John's Wood, shortly before McCartney was due to depart for the studio, and introduced himself as Jesus Christ. McCartney later recalled: 'There were a lot of casualties about then. We used to get a lot of people who were maybe insecure or going through emotional breakdowns or whatever. So I said, "I've got to go to a session but if you promise to be very quiet and just sit in a corner, you can come." So he did, he came to the session and he did sit very quietly and I never saw him after that.'

Same thing happened to Lennon, without the studio part. Incredible.

Who the eff was this dude?

Brilliant du Jour

Message from Joe Strummer

“It is fun to be alive. It's a hell of a lot better than being dead.”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE STRUMMER

The greatest. Would’ve been 69 today. Joe Strummer died 19 years ago today. It's one of the most shocking celebrity deaths for me, partly because I worshiped him as a god and partly because it was such a shock - he hadn't been sick or even unhealthy. He just sat down on his couch and died at age 50. Cannot believe he’s been dead 20 years :(

 

DEATH OR GLORY

Now every cheap hood strikes a bargain with the world
And ends up making payments on a sofa or a girl
"Love and hate" tattooed across the knuckles of his hands
Hands that slap his kids around 'cause they don't understand how

 

Death or glory
Becomes just another story
Death or glory
Becomes just another story

 

And every gimmick hungry yob digging gold from rock and roll
Grabs the mic to tell us he'll die before he's sold
But I believe in this and it's been tested by research
He who fucks nuns will later join the church

 

Death or glory
Becomes just another story
Death or glory
Becomes just another story

 

From every dingy basement, on every dingy street
Every dragging handclap over every dragging beat
It's just the beat of time, the beat that must go on
If you've been trying for years, we 'lready heard your song

Happy Birthday Joe Strummer

Barkley!

It always makes me sad when I hear that after 30 years as brothers Michael Jordan has cut off Charles Barkley because Chuck made one critical remark about his work as an NBA owner. But then I think fuck Jordan, if it’s like that then he doesn’t deserve a friend as great as Barkley. 

TFW…

…you realize it’s fish night. 

Art Time, Jacko!

An old buddy of mine Stephen Lewis (husband of The Fashion Herald!) has an art exhibit up in DC and it got a mention today in the Washington Post!

Lewis’s vehement style turns toward pricklier subjects. Included are accusatory portraits of six Trump administration stalwarts and versions of the American flag festooned with pies, bombs, skulls and a human heart. One wall is devoted to mostly black-and-white pictures of death, disaster and self-mutilation, a disturbing series previously shown at Catholic University. At the far end of the gallery hangs a suite of small, square and tranquil seascapes, but their mood is hardly enough to calm the show’s overall ferocity.

Stephen Lewis Through Aug. 29 at Terzo Piano, 1515 14th St. NW.

Go check it out! 🕺

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't Steve do some serious fretBoard shredding on your monstrously classic album So Far, So Good, So What?"

Sigh.  YES faithful read, YES HE DID.

#OTD2016

I believe this is what they a call a STONE. COLD. CLASSIC.

A Few Thoughts on Ted Lasso S2 E5

"Fucking fuckity fuck fuck fucking fuck, fucker."

WARNING: EPISODE SPOILERS! AHEAD!!

- I'm sure I missed a lot of the rom-com references but my favorite was Ted's "As you wish" to Roy Kent, a lá Princess Bride

- Speaking of which, I'm beginning to get worried the show is turning into a whole "let's wait around for Roy Kent to pop up onscreen" thing 

- I'm glad they got some Fat Isaac stuff in; just a week ago I was wondering wow they could make him team captain and then make him disappear

- Even before Roy Kent's dramatic return I was wondering "wait, what DOES Nate actually do?"

- Welcome back Roy Kent cheer! He's here! He's there! He's everyfuckingwhere Roy Keeeeeeeeeeeeent!

- We already knew Higgins' ringtone was She's a Rainbow but I'm gad to see it so prominently used here, as it's a Top 3 Rolling Stones song for me

- They mention the Greek restaurant is in Topping, which was the setting for Citizen Smith, the sitcom that John Sullivan created before Only Fools and Horses

- A picture of George Wendt in the kebab place is a nice Easter egg (he's Jason Sudeikis' uncle), but why would the photos be placed in such a way that customers couldn't easily see them? Bad business, guys! Camon!

- For all the waterworks-inducing moments they try to induce, nothing made the dam break for me as much as when Roy Kent, upon being asked on tv what he misses about playing, simply says, "I miss all of it."

- Again I’m sure I missed most of the rom-com shoutouts during the final Roy Kent scene but the shooting of it was stunning  

- Why would Nate need a whole Pretty Woman-esque coaching job on how to be assertive when his main plot-line so far this season is that he's now an asshole?

- The sheer number of times Keeley exclaims how hot Rebecca is may be starting to rival the sheer number of Ted Lasso-isms

- I notice the running time for this episode is 40 minutes, which signals to me that Apple is happy to let the show indulge in itself, which could be a very, very bad thing.

Did Not Know That

Memory Lane

Still my greatest achievement. (The email not the comedy)  😜🤣

A Thought on HBO's "The White Lotus"

I just never felt like Armond's frustration was earned. Wouldn't a manager of such a resort be so used to handling major league assholes he'd be able to treat a little baby rat like Shane as if patting him on the head? He's way too likable and competent to be Basil Fawlty, but we're supposed to believe this kid took him from 0 to 60 in about 5 minutes. I mean camon.

But WHAT a great cast! Was the reason I kept coming back.

Boycie!

John Challis played the fantastic Boycie in my beloved Only Fools and Horses, and he explains the iconic character's laughter:

Boycie is also best known for his machine gun-like laugh, and Challis has claimed that it was him who inserted the laugh having been inspired by a female pub goer who he knew, and Sullivan then decided to make it a permanent trait of the character.

“It was a complete accident really. I nicked it from somebody else I knew, who was actually a woman. "She had this extraordinary machine gun laugh, she would be in the pub and people used to come to the pub to hopefully hear her laughing.

“It said in the script, ‘Boycie laughs at one of his own jokes.’ And I just did it and everybody laughed and Sullivan said, ‘Keep that in.’ It got into the scripts, ‘Boycie does one of his laughs.’ And I’ve been doing it ever since.”

Enjoy!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Brooklyn Bowl, 2011

Great night but wtf is up with tucking the shirt in? Color me guilty of YOU SIR, DO NOT ROCK!

Garfield du Jour

Oh PLEASE, mf…

…  I invented the “please can we stop at Arby’s pleeeeeeeeease?” look. #scoot&scooter