Not Rocking

The internet, for some reason, tells me that David Essex of Rock On fame turns 75 today. Which is a nice reminder that he does, in fact, not rock.

But of course Mr. Essex was a mere harbinger of non-rocking things to come, including the Babe Ruth of the genre, Xmastime buddy Marley himself:

1) Acoustic guitar = not rocking
2) No drummer = not rocking
3) Playing with dude who's over 25 and isn't a movie star who's wearing sunglasses = not rocking
4) Wearing shorts = not rocking
5) Wearing shorts that are obviously Dockers = REALLY not rocking
6) Playing outside = not rocking
7) Playing during the day = not rocking
8) Playing with SUVs in sight = not rocking
9) Staring pensively at the ground along with your partner = not rocking
10) Playing with dude who has his shirt tucked in = not rocking
11) Playing with dude who has his polo knit shit tucked in = not rocking

It's official, Marley: YOU, sir, do not rock!!!