Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever", Bedford & N 7th, Tony Shalhoub, 15 years of Xmastime, rubbing dogs’ butts, the first “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” hearing of the season, recliners that swivel, the constant blizzard of fat jokes in any episode of "What's Happening!!", when kids make cookies, Catherine Reitman, 

UPDATE: I Do Not Have a Girlfriend

Still Working on My Tinder Profile BTW

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever", Bedford & N 7th, Tony Shalhoub, 15 years of Xmastime, rubbing dogs’ butts, the first “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” hearing of the season, recliners that swivel, the constant blizzard of fat jokes in any episode of "What's Happening!!", when kids make cookies,

Tinder Profile Update

BRILLIANT

 I rarely say "read the entire thread" but I am doing it now!

A thread about writing funny, and why this ain't it. 🧵 pic.twitter.com/NCEDksIa2X

— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) November 28, 2022

Lights, Cameras, HUMANS!

A few months ago, I wrote about the craziness that we're one of the first generations to be recorded in human history:

It’s crazy that history will look back in us as the first generations who are recorded, either visually or aurally. Humans have been around for thousands and thousands of years, but we're among the first group of generations whose images and voices are recorded forever. There will never be another moment on Earth without images or sounds of when you - yes, YOU! - were alive.

But how fucked up is it that there is an entire generation of people of whom will always be the last to never be recorded for posterity. What if you were literally the last human being whose voice or image was never recorded?

And now I guess the world is starting to catch up to my thoughts because I see this today.  

The 10 Best Weather Events in Fiction

But in British Lit, the streetlights were always slowly coming on as the snow starting to pick up speed, and everybody raced home to witness the goose being pulled from the fire, brandy flowing and cranberry stuffing in huge white bowls. Off in the distance, carolers.  - XMASTIME

Surprised the opening for A Tale of Two Cities didn't make the list; the lashing rain was only mentioned every 3 seconds. This is a good one, though:

6. The snow in James Joyce’s “The Dead.”

It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. . . . Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Michael Furey lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.

1987. Sigh.

When I saw this photo I immediately assumed it was like from the 1930s or some such so you can imagine me clutching my pearls to discover it's from ... 1987!!!?  WTF?!!? I mean not only was I alive in 1987 I RATHER UNFORTUNATELY REMEMBER IF VERY WELL!!!!

Ron DeShithead

A few weeks ago I tried walking you people through navigating this DeSantis/Trump bullshit, and today I like this Never-Trumper calling out St. DeSantis fanboys on their hypocritical bullshit:

It’s nice to hear from you. I notice you have had some harsh words for Mr. Trump of late. You might even think he’s a Bad Orange Man? Concur! So lucky for you to have been awoken from your torpor on this matter at the most convenient time imaginable.

Before we get to the meat of my correspondence, I do have to mention that we missed having you on board these past few annums: During the 2016 general election, Impeachment One, the 2020 Republican primary, the 2020 general election, the alarming interregnum, the 2021 Georgia run-off, Impeachment Two, opposing the Trump election deniers in the 2022 midterms, and the recent FBI raid on the former president’s home.

Better late than never.

 

MARAH HUZZAH!

Yesterday HERE I mentioned some of the halcyon days of when Marah was the soundtrack to the Parisian life I had going on at 100 Metro, and it turns out exactly one year ago today I suggested 2022 would be a reemergence of the band!...which I do believe means they have 32 days to get their shit together. 😬

See what I mean HERE. AND HERE!

Texts I Get From a 6 Year-Old 😡😡 😜🤣🤣🤣🤣

NYC

I mean if this doesn't make your goddam day then I am out of ideas people.

This is what I call Busking.

‘The Lucky Chops’ hit the NYC Subway🍏🎷🎺

(@theluckychops)
pic.twitter.com/Q2SXshTOgF

— Michael Warburton (@MichaelWarbur17) November 28, 2022

AND NOW: an overly-dramatic reading of what Elizabeth Hurley thinks about Egg Foo What?!

#eggfoowhat

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever", Bedford & N 7th, Tony Shalhoub, 15 years of Xmastime, rubbing dogs’ butts, the first “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” hearing of the season, recliners that swivel, the constant blizzard of fat jokes in any episode of "What's Happening!!",

OFAH du Jour

How the hell do you expect to sell it when the burglars wouldn’t take it for free??

pic.twitter.com/8l2j7tJQGP

— Only Fools and Horses Lines (@OnlyFoolsLines) November 28, 2022

The Rough Streets Below

The early aughts were a great time for me; 100 Metro was a veritable French salon of music making & dinner parties with smart, funny & talented people. I remember it as always snowing and we all had nothing but time. One record (literally) of the era was Marah's fantastic 20,000 Streets Under the Sky. I remember Dave excitedly sharing his cd Walkman - it was a thing - with me so I could hear some early demos he was working on. One of the songs I loved that didn't make the album was The Rough Streets Below, which you may now enjoy because of me YOU'RE WELCOME PLANET EARF!!!

Xmastime · The Rough Streets Below

A Short Note on Americans

It’s always the most brash motherfuckers going on & on about American independence/individualism/badassery who demand utmost obedience to a tiny group of men from centuries ago.

OH SH*T Tinder Moment du Jour 😳😳😳😳

I think I just swiped right before realizing the person had something about snakes in their profile 😬

Sitcom Worlds Colliding

Cruising along through The Mary Tyler Moore Show and I see this scene below 🤣

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “doesn't this just give you an excuse to re-watch a certain AMAZING episode of What's Happening!!?"

Sigh. Yes it is, faithful readers, YES it is!! 🤗🤗🤗🤗

EFW?! World Domination Marches On!

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever", Bedford & N 7th, Tony Shalhoub, 15 years of Xmastime, rubbing dogs’ butts, the first “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” hearing of the season, recliners that swivel,

Movie Idea

Guy always gets out of helping others by claiming he just slathered his hands with moisturizer. 

Truth.

World Cup Time!

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you make this exact same joke back in 2006?"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did:

f. Finally, what really drives me bananas is that there’s no scoreboard with the time, only the ref knows how much time is left in the game. What the fuck is this? Hey soccer, lemme tell you, having some dude in tight white shorts running around a field of dudes cooing “ooooooooh, I’ve got a secret!” is not helping out your “straight” case, if you know what I mean. Christ.

Belated Thanksgiving Greetings from the Crew Over at EGG FOO WHAT?!

Comedy Sketch Ideas Update

Dafuck du Jour

I just heard Charles Barkley say that he's hosted Saturday Night Live four times. How is this possible - how has he NOT become a member of The Five-Timers Club, and how has he not hosted at least once every season since he first did back in 1992?!?!?!?!?!!

And Suddenly, a Reason For Me to Marry an Irish Lass has emerged

Happy Birthday to the Count!

Fozzie Bear was always my favorite Muppet - and it wasn't even close - because he was always trying to be funny and The Count was always my favorite Sesame Street character, if only because even when he was trying to be both scary and educational he still couldn't help but be funny. And it turns out he made his big debut 50 years ago today! Here's video of that very moment.

“Waiting for Egg Foo Young with the Goddaughter & Looking Ridiculous” 2022, 18x24 acrylic watercolors #eggfoowhat

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever", Bedford & N 7th, Tony Shalhoub, 15 years of Xmastime, rubbing dogs’ butts, the first “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” hearing of the season, 

OFAH du Jour

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever", Bedford & N 7th, Tony Shalhoub, 15 years of Xmastime, rubbing dogs’ butts, 

Team Cat! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever", Bedford & N 7th, Tony Shalhoub, 15 years of Xmastime, 

Funny. True. Amazing.

Happy The White Album Day!

My response when someone says The Beatles’ “White Album” should’ve had fewer songs: pic.twitter.com/qLOsSYePT9

— The Beatles (@BeatlesEarth) November 22, 2022

Wow, Just Wow 🤗

Bryan Cranston recreated THE SHINING in an ad for Mountain Dew. pic.twitter.com/oeBin9vNn5

— All The Right Movies (@ATRightMovies) November 22, 2022

As Per Usual, I 100% Agree with Eric Idle

This time, on the bullshit from comedians about "being cancelled":

On the topic of censorship, Swisher naturally asked Idle if he had any thoughts on Dave Chappelle’s constant claims that he is being silenced while getting paid $24 million per special to complain about how canceled he is. Said Idle, “Where does he say it? On SNL … Well, you’re not being that much canceled, are you? If you were in your room complaining, I’d have a lot more sympathy.”

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you point this out months ago, therein making you a comedy genius right alongside Eric Idle?"

Sigh. Yes I did faithful readers, YES I DID: 

this whole "comedians getting canceled" thing would be easier to take seriously if we weren't constantly being told comedians are being cancelled by someone other than the "cancelled" comedians themselves. 

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:  

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever", Bedford & N 7th, Tony Shalhoub, 

Mind Blown du Jour

There are 76 starting pitchers in the Hall of Fame.

Only 26 debuted after integration in 1947.

Read that again.

— Adam Darowski (@baseballtwit) November 22, 2022

Restuarant Anxiety

One thing you people should know about your old pal Xmastime is that whenever a restaurant has any type of nontraditional ordering system my sphincter instantly clenches. But my new favorite may be when the waiter approaches the table for the first time and smugly asks, "have you dined with us before?" They always look like they're about to drop the world's greatest privileged secret on you, that other people will be leaning in to hear your answer so they can squeal with glee to be able to watch a newbie go through the process. I start to wonder am I supposed to order in Portugese while standing up, is a bear going to come out and take my order or will the goddam Brady Bunch kids come out and sing a song if I order today's magic menu item? Pants-less, do people order their food with no pants on at this establishment?

But 9 times out of 10, thankfully it's just the same as always: I tell you what food I want, you write it down and then present the food to me in a somewhat timely manner. So I never understand what the whole "OOOOOOOH yeah you're not gonna believe how we do this!!!" setup is from the waiters. 🤔🤷‍♂️

KISS Deez Nuts

I've pointed out several times over the years on this blog the fact that nobody thinks less of KISS' music than me, but I do think it's pretty fair to say that people don't give them enough credit for being able to draw/paint their own makeup on their own faces, which I assume is not an easy thing to do.

Life. I Mean Amirite Guys?

From an old Huffington Post article:

...the day that Mike Wallace scooped Sullivan, Paar, Cronkite, Brinkley, Huntley and every other American TV host by presenting a film clip of the Beatles on his mid-morning show CBS Morning News With Mike Wallace was... Friday November 22nd 1963. 

The tragedy of President Kennedy's assassination naturally meant that everything else that happened earlier that day was of zero consequence. And as the world mourned JFK and became engulfed in the awful news, the light-hearted story that Mike Wallace had presented just two hours earlier faded very rapidly. Wallace himself forgot all about it. But 18 days later one man DID remember it. Mike Wallace's senior colleague at CBS News -- Walter Cronkite. 

Cronkite was looking for a way to lift the spirits of the devastated American public with a cheerful segment. And he recalled the film clip that Wallace had introduced on his Morning News show that dreadful Dallas morning. The clip had originally been intended to be repeated that same night (November 22nd) on Cronkite's own newscast. But of course the regular Nightly News was preempted by rolling news coverage about the assassination. Cronkite decided to resurrect the story and on Tuesday December 10th 1963, he re-aired the sparkling five-minute film clip of the Beatles enchanting their British fans.

There's a lot of craziness about this story; that Mike Wallace showed a short clip of The Beatles for the first time ever in America only to have it removed from everybody's minds forever two hours later when JFK was killed, or just how relentless the march of The Beatles was: this scenario almost perfectly set up a comical story that could've had Paul McCartney spending the next 60 years working at a Tesco's while bitching & moaning that his band would've been huge were it not for the awful timing of JFK getting shot. But other than any general sadness when speaking of the event, I've never heard any of The Beatles for a second wonder what would've happened if 2 1/2 months later they weren't on Ed Sullivan about to change the world. But wow how close did we really come to the biggest news event of the last half-century almost wiping out the biggest cultural even of the last half-century?

The Beatles & JFK

(re-posted from  this day in 2013)

Of course the connection between JFK and The Beatles has always been strong, whether it's the idea that their coming to America just over 2 months later allowed Americans to start thawing out and healing or if it's that they were announced to America by Mike Wallace...2 hours before the assassination, therein leaving the scoop to be forgotten completely. Of course Walter Cronkite re-aired the report a few weeks later.

But it's also just occurred to me that both JFK and John Lennon were killed with bullets that, were it not for a few inches, could've also killed their wives. Interesting.

Speaking of The White Album

What are my 14 songs if I could make The White Album a single album, you ask?

Well. Don't mind if I do:

Back In The U.S.S.R.
Dear Prudence
Birthday
While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Sexy Sadie
Happiness Is A Warm Gun
I'm So Tired
Piggies
Rocky Raccoon
Don't Pass Me By
Mother Nature's Son
Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey
Helter Skelter
Good Night

11/22 Has Been an Amazing Day for Simultaneous Major Record Releases

1963:

1968:

MORE Raves for Egg Foo What?! 😜🕺🥡🥡

Tis the season to be thankful for all our listeners, including the folks over at The Best Show: Four Horsemen for shoutouts like these. Enjoy your turkey foo young with a tasty side of The Four Horsemen!  #eggfoowhat

Xmastime · THE BEST SHOW The Four Horsemen - 11 - 14 - 22

A Quick Note on Season 2 of White Lotus

It’s crazy enough that this guy looks exactly like a much-younger Peter Gallagher, but if you close your eyes and hear him speak it is a million percent uncanny af. 

Advice for Men, by Xmastime

If your girlfriend/wife storms away from you after a fight don't shout after her "come back here!", make sure to shout out to her "get back here!" She'll appreciate your direct forcefulness,

You're welcome, Gentlemen of Earth!

What's the German Word For...

...when you go to take a piss and leave your phone on the couch cuz you'll only be a minute but as you're pissing you realize you need to take a dump but now you have to make the calculator about whether you have time go get your phone and make it back to the toilet in time or be left to sit there and stare into space like a goddam animal from the 1800s. 🤔 🤷‍♂️ 

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:  

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever", Bedford & N 7th, 

Ugh

The sheer volume of $$$ about to be made out of an entire new industry of Republicans who suddenly became so brave after the midterms and decided to cut Trump loose - not after the insurrection he led or the classified documents he splattered around Mar-a-lago of course - and now want credit as super patriots will be astonishing to watch. 😡😡😡

Girls

Like most people by the end of the series Sosh was probably the only character I could stand but it’s only 5 years after the finale that I love her even more for her great shirt 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤗🤗🤗

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:  

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society, thinking "wow that's the hardest I've laughed in forever",

I Mean FFS Already

How many goddam KISS documentaries can someone who abhors their music fucking watch in one lifetime?

So Now...

...I guess we're supposed to applaud as heroes any Republicans who *suddenly* have turned on Trump now that it's more convenient election-wise despite spending the last two years having exactly zero problems with him inciting a deadly insurrection on the Capital. Cool.

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:  

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short, Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday, my feet in the grass, Jeff Lamp, the thrill of an upcoming rest stop with several great fast food options, women, 7/06/1957, vintage 1970s Pizza Hut, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (obviously the UK one and not the awful US version), kids who actually try to be funny, The Replacements, great straws, "What's Happening!!", Rocco DiSpirito's "The Restaurant", Christmas lights, Carol Burnett, The Turkey's Nest, thunder, "Only Fools and Horses", the fries at the bottom of the bag, the first "Mad Men" office, the Williamsburg Softball League 2003-2012, Coach Bobby Finstock, "Animal Farm" by The Kinks, London Fog, cloth couches, DT & the Shakes, Norman Lear, taking the train, a sportcoat you don’t want to take off, frozen waffles, Bill Russell, Stove Top stuffing, the mingling of generations at weddings, carpeting, BritBox, front porches, Stephen Merchant, sheepdog drone work videos, Ralph Malph, canceled meetings, the word “shenanigans”, the first time I ever pulled off saying “bodega” after moving to Brooklyn, my friend Riley, Joy Garden, David Spade doing his impression of Dennis Miller calling him "Spudly", Bob Uecker, when a sitcom pairs off two unlikely characters, "Uncle", the first Autumn issue of "The New Yorker", Johnny Hart, Doritos & peanut butter, Joe Strummer, people who don’t always pretend they have better things to do, Teen Wolf, Dancing On My Own (the song not the activity), mushy peas, St. Paul (the sandwich not the city)(sorry city I've just never been), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, R.E.M., old men only too happy to give their thoughts on the bowl of ice cream they’re eating, Bulleit bottles, Wally my cat friend, asking "what if it's a puppy?" whenever anyone gets a box in the mail, saying the word "mouse", saying “mousey mousey”, the 1995 PBS doc on rock & roll, sausage wheels, Monopoly, provolone, very old monarchies that are without actual power but still are charming enough to let you believe just a little bit in magic, oranges, Steve Jones, chicken planks from Long John Silver's, ivy, green, Love in Vain, Wayne Federman, Magic Shell, the off-off Broadway classic La Cocina, a classic barn jacket, The Great Brain, funny raccoon pictures, raw onion, every time Principal Ava on “Abbot Elementary” walks into a scene, Mr. Submarine, whatever it is I think 1970s architecture looks like, The Clissold Arms, The Wonder Years reboot, my first cronut, podcasting, Teenage Riot, Liev Schrieber narrating anything, brown, any kind of "melt" when they can still keep the mayo/tomatoes cold, Bloom County, Baby Come Back (The Equals not Player), Geoff Esper, a party mix with as close to zero pretzels as we can get at the moment, Derry Girls, John Lennon chewing gum onstage, a trail mix with as close to zero raisins as we can get at the moment, Cheez Whiz, October baseball, Lou Reed's "New York", funny Karl Mueller, The Vacant Lot, Saturday, notebooks, novels that go into great detail about what murderers on the run eat at roadside diners, Rick Sebak's "A Hot Dog Program", Arthur Nersesian's "The Fuck Up", crinkle-cut fries, "Gavin and Stacey", Graham Linehan before he lost his mind, Alison Steadman, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", candy corn, Father Ted, day drinking, The Killer, the Hallmark Christmas Channel's refusal to spend more than a dime on fake snow, Young Frankenstein, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", Revolver, WIA (the show not the actual address), the first time of Fall when dead leaves fall like rain, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, “Clerks”, Dave Attell, being the only person on an entire corporate floor, Chuck Klosterman, the podcast "Let it Roll", stumbling onto terrestrial radio while in a cabin in the woods, Cardinal Point Winery, hash browns, seeing the first Christmas tree of the season, the mid-late 1990s, free office coffee no matter if it's shitty or fine, coming in from the cold, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society,