Nigh Fidelity

This guy does some bubbling HERE about it being ten years since High Fidelity came out. I mostly remember being disappointed in the flick - I've always said that if you just boiled down all of Jack Black's bits onto a video, I'd much prefer that.

I never read the book, even though I've met Nick Hornby (cause that's the kind of hot shot dude I am), so I didn't go into the movie with the same emotional connection the guy in the post did.


I will say one beef was always that the girlfriend just isn't hot enough. Or, more to the point, at all. And she seems like a complete, no-fun bitch to boot. Awesome. And then we hafta somehow suspend belief that you can fuck Lisa Bonét and then still pine for another woman. Please. If I found myself fucking Lisa Bonét I would bomb the White House and declare myself President of Earth, and then carve a hole in her belly to climb into forever. There are plenty of things on the "WAYS TO GET OVER AN EX" list, and I'm pretty sure that "fucking Lisa Bonét" trumps anything mere humans can come up with so far.

I do give the flick credit for one of the oddest scenes of any movie ever, the "what the fuck?" from outta nowhere cutaway to Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen. Who, apparently, has met a lot of people in his life. Maybe someone you know. Maybe not. Either way, it's not something that person (whoever it might be) likes to bring up for no reason. Cause that's just the sort of guy he is.

LL Cool J Hates White People

David Thompson, II

From his Wiki page:

After leading North Carolina State University to an undefeated season (27-0) in 1973, he led them to an NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Championship in 1974, including vanquishing the reigning national champions, UCLA.

NC State's game against the nationally 4th-ranked University of Maryland in the 1974 ACC Tournament finale, in an era in which only conference champions were invited to the NCAA Tournament, is considered one of the best, if not the greatest, college basketball games of all time. Thompson and the Wolfpack would go on to win the National Championship that year while Maryland sat at home. Maryland's exclusion from the NCAA Tournament due to the loss despite their high national ranking would lead to the expansion of the NCAA Tournament the very next season to include teams other than the league champions.

Thompson played basketball while the slam dunk was outlawed by the "Lew Alcindor" rule. In 1975, against University of North Carolina at Charlotte playing his final non-conference game at N.C. State, early in the second half Thompson drove the length of the court for his first and only dunk of his collegiate career, a goal that was promptly disallowed by technical foul. Head coach Norm Sloan removed Thompson, to thunderous applause. The ACC's most exciting player, who had performed for three years without ever performing the game's most exciting act, thus passed into history.

Thompson's 44 remains the only number NC State ever retired in Men's Basketball.

The Strange Case of David Thompson

I probably saw about 250+ ACC basketball games on tv before I left for college, and yet somehow I don't feel like we were made aware of how great David Thompson had been in the early 70's. Granted, the ACC at the time (80's) was absurdly talent-rich so it didn't need to talk about the good 'ol days, but still. I feel like they only brought him up to mention him once winning the NBA dunk contest and that he had drug problems, and not how he once ruled the conference. They only seemed to speak of him as some physical freak that could jump out of the gym, and nothing else. NOW I feel like he's celebrated more, but I certainly don't remember him being as looming of a figure when I was a kid as you'd think he'd have been - and that 1974 team had been the first ACC team to win a national title since 1957, I believe. As this joint says:

The guy was a three-time ACC Basketball Player of the Year. Important to this discussion: he has a ring ('74), which came in a season in which he played in one of the best games ever (ACC Championship vs. Maryland) and ended UCLA's run of dominance with a 80-77 win over 'em in the Final Four. Bonus: you ever see MJ speak at a hoops camp? We have. He frequently says Thompson was one of his influences.

Children by the Million

Apparently The Box Tops did some Coca Cola jingles. Trippy.

Box Tops “Coke Ad #1″
Box Tops “Coke Ad #2″
Box Tops “Coke Ad#3″

Solutions.

I guess we're supposed to be excited Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush broke up. As if either one of them would give you or me the time of fucking day. Who cares if they get married; that's just two more outrageously rich people insulating themselves from us. Throwing their huge wads of cash together, not helping us.

I think there should be a law wherein rich people can't marry each other. There should be a formula  - say, for every million you have, you hafta divide FROM one million to determine the ceiling of whom you can marry. For instance, if you're worth $10M, you can only marry someone who makes up to $100K. $20M, that's $50K. And on and on.

You're welcome.

Let's spread that cash round, rich motherfuckers!!!!!!!

$(X)M can marry $1M/X.

I think.

Meep Meep!

Republicans loathe Washington and are pretty on record as not being interested in any governmental legislature or action in general (including immediately signing off on not giving a shit about drill Obama drill), so it's curious how desperate they are to win elections. I mean, whatever will they do if they actually DO find themselves in power again?

The only time Wile E. Coyote ever caught the Road Runner, he holds up a sign that says  "Okay, wise guys, you always wanted me to catch him. Now what do I do?" - the cartoon then ends.

Xmastime Movie Hall of Fame

Awesome quotes HERE.
"Nothing burps better than bacon. Your water looked tasty."

PLUMP!!

The fieldhouse where Butler and Milan meet.

Also nice to see someone else saying what I've been bitching to people about for years - that yes, Milan was tiny and it's one of the greatest upsets of all time, but it was a really great fucking team.

And there is Milan memorabilia all over the place. Milan High School was Hickory, but much better than the film portrayed. The Indians were state runners-up in 1953, then were a dominant team the next year. Before winning the '54 state title over Muncie Central 32-30 on a last-second shot by Plump, their average winning margin was 15 points per game, and they beat Oscar Robertson's Indianapolis Crispus Attucks team by 13 in the quarterfinals.

Just Another Wednesday Morning

If you people think Marley slaps me around like a bitch on Xmastime, here's a glimpse of what he does to me in private emails. I see his name slip into my inbox, I'm like Tina Turner when Ike comes in the room. Shudder.

----- Original Message ----
From: iwishididnthaveatinypenis@marley.com
To: Xmastime
Sent: Wed, March 31, 2010 11:02:23 AM
Subject: DAMN THE PURVEYORS OF HATE AND VIOLENCE!  DAMN THEM ALL!!!!

----- Original Message ----
From: Xmastime
To: iwishididnthaveatinypenis@marley.com
Sent: Wed, March 31, 2010 11:02:23 AM
Subject: DAMN THE PURVEYORS OF HATE AND VIOLENCE!  DAMN THEM ALL!!!!

so youre fine defending Sarah Palin doing this, since apparently 6 years ago the same thing was done with Bush? can we even pause to imagine how your beautifully sculpted, probably just-gelled head would've exploded if I pulled out the 'ol "well, they were mean to Clinton too!" trope?

I know you're a gridlock guy. but pretending that such silence by the GOP is less of a political tactic than my pointing it out on Xmastime, and then defensively digging up "well, they did it too!" stuff, is nonsense and beneath you. In your defense ill chalk this up to tonight's episode of The Real World being the season finale. i know you get emotional.


----- Original Message ----
From: iwishididnthaveatinypenis@marley.com
To: Xmastime
Sent: Wed, March 31, 2010 11:02:23 AM
Subject: DAMN THE PURVEYORS OF HATE AND VIOLENCE!  DAMN THEM ALL!!!!

I'm saying that the entire thing, the whole shootin' match, whether utilized against the right or the left, is a creation, a story, and that it pains me to see you let them shove their hand up your bum to parrot their
line, and its even more painful to see you extract moral superiority from the proctological endeavor.  This same silliness was utilized against the left during the Bush administration - find the nuts, take the extremes, overblow and set your line.

Yet, your so invested in this built-to-suit drama, that you see me and immediately, in Pavlovian fashion, attack "the other."

I thought the video I sent you last night might have jarred you - a compendium of every stupid fucker out there parroting your line, like something right out of Network

And all you read was the title, and responded in standard puppet format. You eat the line.  You love it.  And it makes a fool of you.


----- Original Message ----
From: Xmastime
To: iwishididnthaveatinypenis@marley.com
Sent: Wed, March 31, 2010 11:02:23 AM
Subject: DAMN THE PURVEYORS OF HATE AND VIOLENCE!  DAMN THEM ALL!!!!

we can always go back to "well its always been that way, oh its the media" etc etc. which as a philosophy is fine, but it also demands an intellectual dishonesty. sure libs were "furious!" at Bush for things like the war, sure they called him "dumb." but i dont think they were showing up at rallies with posters with Hitler mustaches drawn on him, I dont think they were questioning his citizenship. i dont think they were promoting "bring your guns!" rallies, and I dont think they were planning rallies on the OK City bombing anniversary and claiming it has to do with Concord.

if you wanna say bah humbug to all that, thats fine. but to claim there's no discernible difference between the two "extremes" is laughable. it's all theater to you, since you're a gridlock guy anyway and dont want the govt to do anything except "kick ass!" But to people who would prefer otherwise, having someone like John McCain NOT increase their quality of life because he feels the need to play to the whims of these  people (the worst of tea partiers) is an incredibly frustrating misuse of time and government.


----- Original Message ----
From: iwishididnthaveatinypenis@marley.com
To: Xmastime
Sent: Wed, March 31, 2010 11:02:23 AM
Subject: DAMN THE PURVEYORS OF HATE AND VIOLENCE!  DAMN THEM ALL!!!!

Look, you want to be in the game, fine.  You want to eat the biscuit they - be they left or right - lay out for you, fine.

All I'm saying is that you can maintain a principled political philosophy without eating the pre-packaged, poll-tested, generally inaccurate biscuit.

Look if in your heart of hearts, you believe

a.  The Tea Party is racist
b.  The right is purveying violence
c.  Palin is a retrograde danger and moron
d.  the hate directed toward Bush was lesser and of a different stripe

Okay, fine.  You have company (just about every standard media puppet and an entire punditry and political apparatus prepared to reinforce your beliefs for their own aggrandizement).  I just think you're a dope eating an easy biscuit who doesn't really know shit about the history of these things, but just "feels" a certain way (a feeling bolstered by biscuit makers and biscuit supporters everywhere).

But I'm reminded of the girl in my Gilded Age class last night who, in a discussion of Michel Foucault's death by AIDS, said, 'Well, look, we're not talking the flu here.  We're talking about a devastating disease."

You are correct in one respect - it is theater.  And my sole goal is to get you to stop juggling for free.

----- Original Message ----
From: Xmastime
To: iwishididnthaveatinypenis@marley.com
Sent: Wed, March 31, 2010 11:02:23 AM
Subject: DAMN THE PURVEYORS OF HATE AND VIOLENCE!  DAMN THEM ALL!!!!

the entire point youre missing is that it doesnt matter if im a dope that eats the biscuit. hey, the part of it being theater goes like this:

1) some righty says/does something i take umbrage at, i post about it. hopefully im more witty than histrionic, but i wouldnt bet the farm on it.

2) you jump on me, pointing out that im an idiot falling for the media holding the football that ill never kick. which is never wrong, and we go round and round.

but the problem is that sometimes people eating the biscuit are people that are of actual power.

look at Texas. with the first Tea Party, Rick Perry sees opportunity and pops a hammy jumping up and screaming: "seccession!!!!" etc etc. which someone like me points out as lunacy/stupid, which you laugh at as theater, its how its always been/will be etc etc.

but Rick Perry is not some blogger in Brooklyn hoovering Cheetos. He's the governor of Texas. which means that while he dives in head-first to do cartwheels for Tea Partiers, people  of power take advantage of this to realize "hey, this would be a good time to change our history textbooks to say anything we want them to!!"

up to that point, everything can be laughed off. but what if these textbooks actually get changed? those are actual consequences. the danger isnt that I eat the shit biscuit at all. i dont really matter. you should be a little more concerned about powerful people that are eating the biscuit, lest you find your kids reading textbooks that claim "Rush Limbaugh was the first president and upset the Colts in Super Bowl III!"

----- Original Message ----
From: iwishididnthaveatinypenis@marley.com
To: Xmastime
Sent: Wed, March 31, 2010 11:02:23 AM
Subject: DAMN THE PURVEYORS OF HATE AND VIOLENCE!  DAMN THEM ALL!!!!

I get you, and its the most laughable part of the dance.  Textbooks are a perfect example.  For years, the liberals moved to have the emphasis changed, to de-emphasize white man history, to install "Billy has two Mommies."  The conservatives went batshit and the dance was begun.  In some of the jurisdictions where liberals held sway, the changes were made. Columbus a dick.  Billy has Mommy Frieda and Mommy Joan.  The conservatives cry, "It's the end of civilization."

Fast forward.  Now, the conservatives want a section on ID and to de-emphasize Jefferson and to make sure Pocahontas isn't showing her tits. The liberals go batshit.  The dance begins.  In some of the jurisdictions where the conservatives hold sway, ID is given nod, and Jefferson falls under "Jefferson, George."  The liberals cry, "It's the end of the civilization."

And you, you dramatic homo lug, who hollowed out your textbooks to keep your Wacky Packs cards,  conclude that there have been "actual consequences."

(you know - you should post this exchange)

----- Original Message ----
From: Xmastime
To: iwishididnthaveatinypenis@marley.com
Sent: Wed, March 31, 2010 11:02:23 AM
Subject: DAMN THE PURVEYORS OF HATE AND VIOLENCE!  DAMN THEM ALL!!!!

"(you know - you should post this exchange)"

then you admit I was brilliant!!!!!

:)

Pocahantas tits. dying.


----- Original Message ----
From: iwishididnthaveatinypenis@marley.com
To: Xmastime
Sent: Wed, March 31, 2010 11:02:23 AM
Subject: DAMN THE PURVEYORS OF HATE AND VIOLENCE!  DAMN THEM ALL!!!!

Actually, I admit that you're intelligible, owing mostly to me

Beyond Super Slice of Super-Slices

Broken Pieces
The Undecided

Hopefully will be at the reunion!!!

Xmaspussylovinggimmethemtitiiestime

The dwarf-masturbating interns over at the UG using the word "palindrone" made me think of this old nugget:

Stand and Deliver

I've always loved the movie Stand and Deliver.

Just now I saw it was on tv and flipped to it.

And then I flipped HERE and saw that Jaime Escalante died yesterday.

Was this programming happenstance? I remember me & Op being weirded out when Do You Believe in Miracles happened to be on HBO the day Herb Brooks was killed. Whack.

The Greatest

Emailing double entendrés to Favorite Playah reminded me of my favorite sketch comedy show of all time, The State.

God that was a great show.

Here's some Louie!

Awesome. Of Course.

Looks like Sniffy has won this round:

WASHINGTON — The Obama administration is proposing to open vast expanses of water along the Atlantic coastline, the eastern Gulf of Mexico and the north coast of Alaska to oil and natural gas drilling, much of it for the first time, officials said Tuesday.

Hey, if there's one thing Obama's learned, it's that if he concedes anything to Republicans, they'll gladly work with him in doing whatever's best for the country. I look forward to today's pundits on FOX applauding Obama. I'm sure they won't turn around and bitch about this one at all. "NORTH coast??? REAL Americans know that the only place to drill is the Eastnortheastern coast!!!" Sniffy probably will place a few crosshairs on Obama's skull and incite a few KKK members to bomb his kid's school over this, but her heart probably won't be in it.

The Two Greatest #3's in History?

Today's That's What She Said

Drawing with a computer in 1963:

In the video below, computer pioneer Alan Kay discusses a famous video of Sutherland’s Sketchpad demo. This is some nerdy, but important, computer history. Kay says: “I once asked Ivan Sutherland: ‘How could you possibly have done the first interactive graphics program, the first nonprocedural programming language, the first object oriented software system, all in one year? He said, ‘Well, I didn’t know it was hard.’”

Abbey Road

It's my least favorite Beatles record (which still makes it better than 99% of albums ever made (though saved only by George Harrison's songs and the final Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End run)), but apparently so many people have parodied the cover that there's now a webcam set up to catch them all.

This would be my favorite, if only there were, you know...four people. It's not the Fab Six, is it?

Sandra Bullock is a Fucking Bitch

What Accent?

What were you doing in 2000? Probably just being an asshole, not contributing to society in any way, I'm guessing.

Me, I took a little hand-held (as opposed to, I suppose, a foot-held) tape recorder and went up to Lowell, Mass to sit down with my aunts and grandmother to get whatever of a family history I could get out of them. I got 6 hours on tape of them yammering, and I'm just now transferring it all to digital. As I go through them all, I may post some nuggets here along the way.

I've always said that before anyone dies, they should get to hear my Aunt Pat talk. So here she is, with some assistance from my Aunt Eileen.

And yes, fellas - they're single!

Alone in the Wilderness, Ctd.

In tee comments for THIS POST, Anonymous wrote:

Ever read Anne LaBastille's- 'I Woodswoman? If not, the woman built her own cabin in the Adirondacks with trees she felled. Only thing is, she put it too close to the lake, and wound up having to ROLL it back on LOGS (she also felled, a couple of friends helped her). I think she's in her 70s, still living out there with her dog.

 Sounds interesting.

Also, I discovered that Dick  Proenneke's entire journal can be read as a pdf found at the bottom of his Wikipedia page HERE.

More info on his cabin et al HERE.

How To Make It in America

Watching Luiz Guzman in this stupid show is like watching Joe DiMaggio play with the 2009 Washington Nationals. Wtf.

Mitt Romney

It's been pretty entertaining watching Mitt Romney desperately try to distance himself from his healthcare legislature in Massachusetts. Elections are funny things; here's a guy that actually did something, and now he's gotta go running around discrediting that thing just so he can fool a bunch of people into voting for him when he runs for president.

I say "funny" because I promise you that when he writes his final "how fucking awesome was I?" memoir, he'll spend plenty of time patting himself on the back for bringing his healthcare plan to the people of Massachusetts.

state of me in six words

Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur!

The Importance of Being Xmastime

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

Xmastime Emergency TV Alert!!!!

Alone in the Wilderness - on PBS channel 165 at 1am!!!!


A super-slice  :)

Come Blow My Horn, Bitches

The Gnat's comment in my Office post reminds me of a line from Neil Simon's Come Blow Your Horn, when the smooth, cool older brother asks his younger, naive brother if he want's grenadine and the guy replies "grandma who?" I think I've used that one a few times (not necessarily with grenadine, but almost any other word that starts with "g.")

Anyway, my point is that I spend a lot of my time going to Broadway shows, cause that's a cool, sophisticated NYC cat with a lot of fucking dough does.

Also this opens a chance to once again badger you people to read my super-slice The Star Spangled Girl!!   :)

Also, on a side note, I wonder if that's the word I was trying to used HERE.

Gremaldine. Hmm.

Hey, That's Cool - I Love John Fogerty Too!!! Awesome!

The Strange Career of the Best Point Guard I've Ever Seen

The first time I heard about Kenny Anderson was probably in the SI article that also made Damon Bailey famous, the one where they listed the best players in the nation from each grade 8-12. I think it was Marcus Liberty, Billy Owens, Kenny Anderson, Damon Bailey and...I'm missing one. Maybe it was JR Reid?

For the next few years Brothatime!! and I heard about The Kid from Rego Park, and were fucking pumped when we heard he was going to Georgia Tecch, which meant we'd get to see him on tv a lot.

It's hard to explain to people who didn't see him play those two years how fucking awesome he was Tech. Was so smooth, so effortless, dude floated up and down the court winging 50-foot passes. Unfortunately he went on to have a so-so pro career, and has become more famous probably for marrying that bitch from the second season of The Real World who let Beth egg her on to accuse David of raping her.

In fact, in looking at his basketball reference page, I see that Anderson's pro career was so strange that not only did he play for seven different teams, but he wore four different uniform numbers. Which I've never even heard of before.

Also worth noting that for at least one year, 1990-1991, the ACC had three of the best point guards in the history of the NCAA: Anderson, Bobby Hurley and Chris Corchiani.

PLUMP!

Having seen my earlier post on Bobby Plump, Brothatime! decides he's had enough of me being generally known as the "good looking" brother, and sends me a podcast he heard today of Bobby Plump himself talking. Heck, I dunno if I've ever seen him interviewed, which is surprising for a member of the Xmastime Hall of Fame. Also, apparently he'll be at the Final Four this weekend - gave you imagine the attention dude's gonna get? Awesome.

PODCAST HERE.

More Bobby Plump Xmastime HERE.

Choices

A Hamburger Today asks the question who should choose your toppings, you or the chef?

First of all, there's no way in fuck I'm letting anyone tell me what I can or can't put on a burger or hot dog. But I don't mind Peter Luger's telling me not to put shit on my porterhouse. I guess part of it has to do with whether or not I think the joint has some sort of singularly amazing thing for which everybody comes in for in the first place. If Kam Sing tells me not to add shit to their cream of sum yung guy, I don't.

It also, to me, has to do with money. As my bff Gordon Ramsay once said, rich people like to be told what to eat. If they don't like it they can just try it another way, or something else altogether, something people without money can't really do.

College DJ Hero

What were you doing in 1992? Probably being an asshole, not contributing to society in any meaningful way. I was kicking off my career as a dj at the college radio station. And while I'm pretty proud that by my second song ever played I had slipped in the "N-Word," It's hard to believe another human sounding as gay as I do when I say "turn it UP!" As Watty would say: "Wow."



Luckily by the end of the show I had loosened up a bit.



I was only a dj for a semester; I got tired of people calling up to hear the Red Holt Chili Peppers. I'd instruct them to put their hand on the radio dial and spin it in either direction and they'd probably get one. Plus, it was lonely in there by yourself - the most fun I had was when I brought a buddy into the studio and I did a "the lead singer from DT and the Shakes has died" show, and he pretended to be two of the band members - one distraught, one glad. Mostly I ended up badgering girls into calling in and talking to me. Of course we didn't have a speakerphone, so the listeners could only hear my end of the conversation. Of course. Luckily we only had 10 watts, meaning that if you were about 3 feet away from the station you couldn't hear it. Sigh. Memories.

Life: It All Comes Down to Costanza

Apparently people are turning down flex time or telecommuting, scared that if they're not in the office every day it's easier for them to be fired.

I think they have it backwards - not going in the office could make it harder for them to get a hold of you to fire you!  Just like when George thought his girlfriend was gonna dump him, so he simply physically avoided her as long as possible, including one of the all-time great Seinfeld scenes. George!!  :)

Cover Me

I've noticed that there are kazillions of websites of people recording song covers; you could spend the rest of your life hearing these things and not hear the same cover twice. So I thought I'd try one out for ya'll, here's me doing Sir Mix a Lot's classic Baby Got Back. It's rough, I just did it live to a little recortding thingee, but I'd love to hear your opinions on it (be gentle!!!)  Thanks!

Someone in Greenpoint, I'm Guessing Some Big-Tittied Smoking Hot Chick, Has Me On Their Mind

Sniffin' Palin

My Miss Lady has apparently been rocking the leather lately. Which means she's one step closer to getting my vote. If she lets me sniff her wolf-shooting shorts I'm covering Brooklyn with VOTE SNIFFY campaign stickers.

ACC

Here's the ACC All-50th Anniversary Team.

I'd say the five greatest ACC players I ever saw would be:

Ralph Sampson
Len Bias
Kenny Anderson
Christian Laettner
Johnny Dawkins

Bobby Plump

Erieberg mentioned Butler's connection to Hoosiers in an earlier post. It also just occurred to me that after graduating from Milan, Bobby Plump went to Butler.

Dang.

The town that inspired Slap Shot is losing it's hockey team.That sucks. Who doesn't love that flick?

Questions:

1) When does this future Mrs. Xmastime reach 18? Holy fuck!

2) How fucking good-looking must her father be, to somehow miraculously combat her mother's fugly ass?

Tappahannock, Oysters, Gay Cousins Who Kiss Each Other (I Assume)

Growing up in a tiny town, I was always shocked to see the town's name in print. Even in the local newspaper. And, incredibly, that has extended to New York City over the last 12 years - I'll see something in the news about Brooklyn and I'm like "OMG, Brooklyn? I LIVE IN BROOKLYN!!!! How'd they find us?!?!?!"  Never mind of course it's a part of the biggest city in the country.

So it is with particular relish I see my hometown's name in print on a menu in Las Vegas, thanks to the hard-working, probably gay dudes over at Rappahannock River Oysters.

Of course, it might not top being in an Academy Award-winning movie, but hey  :)

Me & Paddy Mac

Shocked our dates actually showed up.

The Vertebrats: ALSO Awesome!

A while back HERE I wrote about how much the Vertebrats song Left in the Dark means to me. But while that song will always be it's own thing, sometimes I wonder if I actually like Diamonds in the Rough even better.

Me: STILL Awesome!!!!

What were you doing in 1999? Probably sitting around smoking dope and being an asshole, contributing nothing to society. Me, I was in GodIHateYourSpaghettiBolognesewithShreddedParm's kitchen with a 4-track, recording demos that would go on to be featured in all three Stars Wars prequels, all but 2 episodes of Law & Order and, in the case of this particular song, the final episode of Friends. Needless to say, it's because of this batch of songs I am fucking swimiming in cash, so enjoy this one, poor motherfuckers.

Sniff Sniff

Some Tea Party leaders have wisely made the decision to distance themselves from violence-associated rhetoric. Good for them.

Hey, guess who hasn't? Sniffy Wiffy! Not only has she doubled down on the kind of rhetoric that she herself used that is responsible for even the nuttiest of the nutters to realize "okay, this might be to far," she also throws a nice eyeroll to the "politically correct media cops" who are not thrilled with such language. Of course. I'm if some wingnut took a shot at Sniffzilla, she'd roll her eyes at the "politically correct cops" that would apprehend the person.

To the teams that desire making it this far next year: Gear up! In the battle, set your sights on next season’s targets! From the shot across the bow – the first second’s tip-off – your leaders will be in the enemy’s crosshairs, so you must execute strong defensive tactics. You won’t win only playing defense, so get on offense! The crossfire is intense, so penetrate through enemy territory by bombing through the press, and use your strong weapons – your Big Guns – to drive to the hole. Shoot with accuracy; aim high and remember it takes blood, sweat and tears to win. 

But seriously, am I the only one that can't wait for her inevitable cookbook, Cookin' with Sarah?

"Okay, buttered white toast: first, get some white bread. Put it on the counter and take a few moments to spray automatic gunfire all around you. When your index fingers gets cramped, put the gun down and put the bread on the counter. Now you wanna go to the fridge and get the butter, but not before launching a few grenades at any buildings in your city that house any media companies (note, freedom-loving readers: NOT Fox News!!!) Now put the bread in the toaster, and while the bread is toasting point a tank loaded with mini-nukes and fire them at the "ghettos." After a minute your toast will pop up; take the bread out and apply the butter evenly and smoothly upon the toast. Take the toast and go down to your local Democratic headquarters, where you should wait for the Democrat to appear, and then shoot him in the fucking head. If he does not come out and you need to get home to pretend to study the Constitution, just torch the place. Enjoy the toast!"

Irony

but on the second play he sacked the Georgia Tech quarterback, Rudy Allen.

I've watched Rudy a zillion times, and this is the first time I've noticed that the qb he sacks is also called Rudy. Mind? Blown.

George

Back when The Short Bus and I ran together, we spent a lot of time watching Curious George (for some reason, my favorite was always the one with the candy counter); even now if I'm flipping around I land on it sometimes, briefly becoming awash with nostalgia over our days together.

Hard to believe the original George came so close to succumbing to the Nazis.

With the Nazi invasion imminent, the couple fled from Paris to the south of France in 1940 to focus on Fifi in a makeshift studio in a castle tower. But after gendarmes grew suspicious of their practices, they sent inspectors to investigate. When they discovered the children’s drawings instead of the anticipated bombs, they left the Jewish couple alone. Curious George aptly saved the day and the Reys were eventually able to make their four-month journey across France, Spain, Portugal, and Brazil, before finally arriving in New York in October of that same year....The couple’s story of narrow escape soon became a thread throughout the adventures and misadventures of Curious George, with the monkey always redeeming himself of his roguish ways by the book’s end. With scenes of smiling faces of humans and monkeys alike, it’s difficult to image the hands that drew them may have been quivering with fear of Nazi takeover. “The palette is so vivid, the colors are so cheerful,” says Jewish Museum curator Claudia Nahson of the Reys’ work. “It’s such a sharp contrast to what they were experiencing at the time.”

Well. This is a Blow to My Fucking Ego.

The matter in your body makes up less than one trillionth of all the matter on earth,
and the earth makes up less than 1% of all the matter in the solar system. Our star is 1 of 5 billion
in this galaxy, and this galaxy is 1 of 5 million that we know about. If you live to be 100 years old
you will have lived less than one billionth of the age of the universe, and in 5 billion years, assuming
that any sentient beings exists, it is very unlikely that they will have the technology to know that our star,
let alone this planet, ever existed.

Finally.

Blue Moon of Kentucky, II

Of course the second I post Rylo's Blue Moon of Kentucky I remember that another group of gents might've done it a little better. Sorry, fuckface!

Blue Moon of Kentucky

There's a lot of great versions of Blue Moon of Kentucky, but my favorite has always been this one with my buddy Rylo, done 20 years ago with his loser college buddies. Enjoy!

Conservatism

Theoretically, there's plenty of reasons to be a conservative.  However, since 1964, Conservatism's two biggest victories seem to be:

1) tax cuts for the wealthiest people

2) absurdly harsh prison sentences for black men found with an ounce of drugs.

I mean, thats it? That's the entire back of the TOPPS baseball card for conservatism? Really?

After almost 50 years, at some point someone needs to stand up and say "well, that was a waste of fucking time" and start over, no?

I Can't Control Myself

As you can see earlier I've been in a Troggs mood all day. Sometimes I wonder if they're a somewhat over-looked, undercredited band, as much as a band who rocked Wild Thing can be. Besides being the second coolest dude ever named Presley, Reg Presley wrote some awesome fucking classic slices (though Wild Thing, like Angel of the Morning, was written by the incredible Chip Taylor.)

I rocked the Buzzcocks' version of this many times on my radio show in college, and have always loved this fucking slice 'o slices. Enjoy!

Xmastime Reads Bridge to Terabithia

Chapter One.

Saturday Fireside Classix

Regrets

One of the greater tragedies in the history of the NBA is that the Lakers inexplicably didn't make it to the 1986 Finals, where they would've faced the best team I had ever seen, the Celtics. That would've meant that after 1987 they would've met four straight times, and probably splitting at 2-2 and spinning the argument into more of a fever re: who was better, Bird or Magic etc. Playing the Rockets was an anti-climactic, blah affair for that Celtics team.

The Naked Chef with Kids

Jamie Oliver as the Naked Chef was one of my favorites back in the day when the Food Network was about chefs and not titties, so I tuned into his Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution show. It's a little depressing to see so many fat kids; I am probably of the last generation wherein it was a strange thing to have a really fat kid in class.

And while I've become a fat fuck, I have only done so because of my own choices as an adult, and not because some fat-ass old ladies in the kitchen didn't wanna do anything more than hit START on the microwave, or because we're all so eager to make the corn syrup people richer with every second. Sad to see these kids having no choice but eat crap that's guaranteed to endanger their health.

Also, I know it being a tv show means there has to be some drama, but I really don't know why his trying to get the kids to be fed healthy, fresh food would be met with resistance from the town. I know that as a parent you might be too harried to cook healthy meals at home, and are helpless to do much better than fast food etc most nights of the week. But if someone steps in and offers to do it for you, I would think that unless you own stock in Tyson's frozen chicken or chemical preservatives you'd be perfectly happy with the effort.

Dude's doing noble work. Too bad nobody else really is.

Chillin' with illWill, Who Seems to Think It's Okay to Use the N-Word

Oh No! NOW Where are Republicans Gonna Get Their Ideas on How to Fight Terrorism? :(

Fox hates freedom?

Slice du Jour

The Office

Steve Carrell's Michael Scott last night should win an Emmy. Favorite line (maybe of all-time in Office history?):

Bar Manager: Have you read Lee Iaccoca's autobiography?
Michael: "read it"? I OWN it!!!!!

Dying.

Happiness Is...

...finding a shitter in a part of the building you didn't even know existed.

Motherfucker

Why is is "mofo"? Shouldn't it be "mofu"?

20th Year Class Reunion Date Set

SEPTEMBER 25

Fucking hell. I have 6 months to:

1) do something even remotely interesting/successful with my life
2) l ose 50 lbs
3) get a date


Grrr.

Andy Pettitte, Hall of Famer?

I wouldn't vote for Andy Pettitte for the same reason I wouldn't really vote for Mussina. He's been an invaluable, ridiculously dependable workhorse and will be cherished forever by Yankees fans. But nobody sat up late at night terrified of facing Andy Pettitte. Like Moose I would love if he did get in, but I wouldn't be the one pushing it.

But if he goes a crappy 11-10 next year and then retires, his career winning percentage will be .623, which is shocking to me. And if you throw in the postseason, since we're supposed to automatically put Schilling in the HOF  because he won 11 games, it's not THAT crazy to think of Andy going in. Especially considering his 5 rings (plus noting the Yankees won 0 rings when he was in Houston.)


Daily News:

With a career record of 229-135 going into the 2010 season, the lefthander has put himself a couple of more winning seasons away from Hall of Fame consideration. The fact that he passed John Smoltz as the all-time postseason leader in wins with 18, earning four wins last October and November, adds significant weight to his resume.

Pettitte himself laughs off talk about the Hall of Fame, saying he's never thought of himself as that type of pitcher, and never thought much at all about numbers.

"It's amazing to me to hear people talking about the possibility," he says. "Maybe it's because I feel like the game has felt like a struggle to me, that I didn't have the kind of unbelievable stuff to make the game easy.

"I feel like if you're a Hall of Famer the game shouldn't be so difficult. I look at Derek and Mo, those guys are Hall of Famers and it's a joke how easy they make the game look.

"It's cool to hear it, but I'd just like to be remembered as a guy who took the ball no matter what. And I would hope people would say that I was a great teammate, because I tried to worry about everybody else all the time, and not myself."

Drafting Tebow

Is Vick still with the Eagles? On one hand, it drives me crazy how they've desperately been trying to get rid of McNabb since he got there 12 years ago. On the other hand, what if they got rid of McNabb and drafted Tebow; him and Vick running around in some Wildcatty offense straight out of 7th grade gym class?

Pussy Dems Need to STFU

People trying to say that Eric Cantor saying the Democrats should be quiet about the personal attacks and threats of violence against them are the same hippies that try to get girls to tell the authorities when they've been raped. Shut up!!  Talking about it only makes people wanna do it more!!!! You can't see bad things with your head in the sand, and isn't Cantor Jewish? Don't his people know a little something about tons and tons of sand?

And now they're trying to say that the bullet that was fired through his window was accidental, having been shot from far away and eventually randomly descending upon his window. I guess because these jerkoff cops are all of a sudden mindreaders.

Look, Richmond doesn't have great public transportation. And gas is like $20/gallon or some shit. Are you really gonna tell me you know for sure that some guy from a few miles away didn't MEAN to hit Cantor's window with some quick calculations? Hey, we placed dudes on the moon within three feet of where we wanted to, we got someone to marry the scary Kardashian sister, so tell me this couldn't have happened. Fucking nonsense.

Archie Bunker du Jour

Mike Stivic: You got me, Ma, Gloria and Joey.
Archie Bunker: Aw geez what a bunch that is: A meathead, A dingbat, a woman's lib and a bald headed kid.

Radio Nowhere

I guess they're replaying the guest show Dave and I did on E Street Radio. Probably cause I was off the charts amazing?

Someone record this and send it to me so I can hear my brilliant re-tracking of Born in the USA.

The Butler Did It

A week ago, I chose Syracuse as my team to root for in the tourney. So of course they promptly go out and get beat by a school named after the latest guy we wish was fucking Jennifer Aniston, but isn't. Of course.

Though I did just come across this nugget:

Dwight currently has four bobble-heads on his desk...The fourth bobble-head, added in the fourth season, is of former Syracuse University guard and Scranton native son Gerry McNamara

Soul Asylum with The Boss

Tracks of My Tears
Tramps, NYC 1995

which was 15 years ago. How fucking depressing is that?

Pudding

One time in a conversation I referenced how when we were kids, Brothatime!! made pudding after Sunday dinner, to which he took umbrage, demanding "when the hell did I become 'The Pudding Boy'?!!"

Turns out there's a Pudding Guy. Cool. (Whip.)

Another great part is apparently he also got a $815 tax write-off for donating the pudding to charity. Awesome.

MTV Shows

Question.

How many more whores does Jesse James need so we can have some sort of lingerie-clad steel-cage death match against Tiger's whores? We're getting close, right?

things I suck at:

a lá Mamalizza

- lighting a match
- blowing my nose
- small talk
- swimming
- talking on the phone
- using the phrase "mutually exclusive"
- drinking/eating like a normal human being
- knowing how to greet  a woman when she walks into a room (stand up? peck on cheek? just hug? european double-kiss?wtf? stay frozen!)
- ironing
- shaving
- directions (my sense of direction is, in a word, "alarming")
- money
- succinctness (I never use one word when 100 will do. Or a thousand! Well, maybe 100. See what I did here?)
- depth perception (Air Force physical doc: ""ahhh...you ain't gonna be flying planes, are you?")
- walking backwards while carrying something
- adding hammer-ons while harmonizing suspended 9ths and minor 5ths (I'm kidding - I fucking rule at those)

Today's Garfield

Xmastime as Young Buck

Still my favorite post ever?

Crosshairs

 Ah, the good ol' days:

1) When young Muslim dudes are told about the 72 virgins in paradise that are waiting for them after they’ve committed suicide, doesn't it occur to them to wonder why EVERY guy hasn't done it? I would think I'd immediately ask the guy that told me about the wondrous heaven that awaits me "Well, why don't you do it, then?" "Nah", he probably says "You go on, get to heaven where there's 72 virgins and no line at the Shoney's buffet waiting for you...I'm cool here in the scorching desert, drinking my own urine waiting for US soldiers to come torture me."

Incredibly, Sarah Palin's "democrats in the crosshairs" graphic along with an uptick in Tea Party potential violence (see Virginia congressman's brother's address being given out) has seemed to shake some people out of their stupor and wonder if the hate rhetoric has gone too far (and let's give Mike Pence credit for being the only Republican to step up and acknowledge that maybe it's not okay to call John Lewis a n---er), and if it's only a matter of days until some Congressman's kid gets killed getting off the school bus.

Eventually, the Tea Baggers are going to hafta realize their own resemblance to terrorist organizations. As in, while the GOP has no problem lightly suggesting to them "hey, why don't you strap on this bomb and walk into this pizza parlor?", it has not occurred to the Tea Baggers to ask "well, wait a minute...why aren't YOU doing this?" Just like storming the streets outraged about taxes for people who spend that same time in their cushy offices making more money, Tea Baggers are doing the dirty work for people who are happy to insinuate violent action, but will not take responsibility for it when it happens - if you throw a brick through a window because you're pissed about healthcare, is Sarah Palin going to come bail you out of jail? Of course not. As repugnant as the GOP has been in not defusing this violent fervor, it's not as if they're sponsoring it with softball uniforms and any kind of actual payoff. And just like the suicide-bombing jihadist who gets to heaven and sees that there's no such thing as 72 virgins waiting for him, eventually these people will (should) feel like fools who have been used.

New Policy

From now on, anytime a girl tells me she's broken up with her boyfriend my reply will be "great! come on over, so I can eat your pussy!"

I'm Back.

I am not a dark person. You know this. But for me, I have been in a dark place for over a week now. Between being obsessed with Boy Interrupted and somehow caught in that goddam Spartacus show on Starz that devalues human life at an alarming pace, I have spent the last two weeks depressed over the prospect of death. Every mention of murder or suicide or death or even violence at all in the news I have flinched; I have become obsessed with dying in a way that is not natural to me. I let it overwhelm me for a while, which is not good. I believe in grief; I do not believe in overwhelming grief.

Finally today I snapped out of it. I'm not sure what it was, but I finally snapped back to myself. I'll be honest - a good part of it is having that poster of Big Bear on my door. If you can look at that and still be depressed, then you got problems.

I've had a rough week or two, but that's that. It's over now. Sure I'm scared of dying. But I'm more scared of spending another week being terrified of death like I just did. Already, I can look back and laugh at all this. I'm a strong motherfucker. In real life terms, I've been through a lot worse. I'm back.

Robert Culp, RIP

Just the other day Op and I were talking about him - I kept getting him mixed up with Steven Culp (Speaker Haffley), but we both still laughed at the scene with him from The Cosby Show where he and Cliff dump the potato chips right on the pizza. Anyone so closely associated with the Cos is always alright with me.

Bad reputation, CCDIVVIIDCXXX

I don't begrudge Joan Jett anything, but in watching her on Letterman just now I gotta ask: has there ever been an artist with a more dramatic inverse ratio of Greatest Hits packages to actual songs written than Joan Jett? I mean, good lord.

And for some reason, I am amped up to see The Runaways movie, even tho  1) I've never really cared about the Runaways  2) there's no Mrs. Xmastimes in it  3) I don't go to movies.

Speaking of ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-CHERRY BOMB!!  here's the real Cherry Bomb, letting the world know that Xmastime's legacy WILL live on!  :)

Remember: if you don't tell them who's #1, they'll never know!

 

Future Bullshit

Last year it was the stimulus:

And yet the GOP, in fighting Obama every step of the way and publicly hoping he'll fail, has foolishly put itself in the position of having to stand there while Obama (whether one thinks he deserves it or not) will be reaping all the credit for something that the very philosophy of their political party dictates would happen ANYWAY. All this instead of going along with some things and letting themselves be there in the end-zone with Obama and having things at a kind of a tie ballgame.

Of course, since then the Republicans have been running from district to district taking photo-ops of comically over-sized checks and patting themselves on the back for the jobs created from the stimulus they fought so hard to make not happen. Or, in some cases, trying to secretly beg for more money from DC, all while bad-mouthing the whole thing.

So it will fun to watch how they do the same thing with healthcare reform come election time. Of course the hatred and vitriol spewed during the healthcare "debate" and their tripling down on "NO!!!" made the stimulus discussion look like kittens licking flowers, but between the GOP's utter lack of shame (along with the hope that all video/internet suddenly disappears) when it comes to bold-faced lying plus their constituents blissfully eager to swallow up whatever bullshit they hear from them gives me high hopes of them pulling it off. Godspeed!

Still Blows Me Away

Oh, For Fuck's Sake

People need to get off George Bush's ass for wiping his hands after touching a black person. For fuck's sake - the ONE regret Dubyanutz ever said he had as president of the Texas Rangers was trading away Sammy Sosa...WHO IS BLACK!! And Dubya wished he was still around him, nearby! So camon, people. Grow up.

Racist.

If You Wanna Fuck with Xmastime...

...you gotta get through this mf first!!!!!!!

Look Ma, No Chicks!!!!

Out of the fourteen people listed HERE as invitees for the Abortion Executive Signing Order ie Yoko Ono's first band two are women. Of course. (and one is "Marcy," which means she's prolly a dyke.)

Yes, I'm sure the same percentage of men will be at the Viagra signings.

Mukluks: Dependable Renegade

Reasons to Not Trust Disney (In Order)

1. THIS

2. Anti-semetic

Mukluks: BallBuster

Yule Log IV

TNC:

I don't think I can, in good conscience, continue to watch what is basically becoming the Jim and Pam show. I'm conflicted even as write this because I thought the wedding episode was pretty funny. But I can't really take how the relationship has become central to the show. I'm getting that sinking feeling that the writers are basically out of things to say, but are trying to wring as much juice as possible out of the show before it's switched to Fridays and canceled.

I agree - Jim and Pam are the most boring couple in tv history, and  I audibly groan whenever the two of them are alone onscreen (also, whenever I move a muscle.) However, luckily the writers for The Office have always shown a willingness for self-correction: bringing Toby back, ditching Stamford, and, thank god, getting rid of the "Jim as co-manager" thing that was the dumbest thing in sitcom history. So I feel confidant that the writers will recognize that the whole Jim/Pam/baby thing  has to take a backseat, along with remembering that they have PLENTY of other awesome characters to give minutes too.

Also on-target is TNC on Tina Fey. I love Tina Fey. But she is unwatchable on that show - yeah, we're REALLY supposed to believe she is some sort of bumbling, ugly loser who of course cannot get a man (just like we're supposed to cry for Jennifer Aniston every night,) is shoveling in doughnuts and can't do anything right. Yglesias had a bit about "Liz Lemoning" HERE. Camon. If this annoys me, I would think women would be pissed too. Tina Fey is ugly? Really? Yes, and I now refer you to my "John Holmes' small pee-pee" video collection.

Also reminds me of my friend Cindy's comment once that whenever Hollywood wants to make a character "frowsy or homely," they merely darken a hot chick's hair (see Winslet in Little Children.)

Fucking nonsense.