Wednesday, June 30, 2021
Surprising Charles Barkley du Jour
He averaged almost 4 assists per game for his career. That doesn’t make him Magic Johnson, but I was surprised.
Frenemies.
Most people don't know how super-hip I am to what young people are watching on YouTube, so it's with great sadness I announce to the rest of you Boomers the breakup of the Frenemies podcast. Stay strong, Trish & Ethan. Stay strong. More importantly, always remember: If I should keep my friends close and my enemies closer, where do I keep my frenemies? 🤔
Tuesday, June 29, 2021
Comedy Gold du Jour
Alien Still Hasn't Gotten Around To Listening To Whole Voyager Golden Record https://t.co/LnOvpKBqkv pic.twitter.com/5xA0CjE0S0
— The Onion (@TheOnion) June 30, 2021
The End of Civilization?
After
all, it’s a man’s God-given right to declare the generation after his own to be
the lamest group of pussies to ever come down the line.
- WILLIAMSBURG RATS
I've always considered myself to be fairly sympathetic towards younger generations and the idea that their having the luxury of being softer is progress as a civilization. People of my own generation don't hafta kill animals with my bare hands to eat, which is a good thing. However, I've also always known that there is a line out there much too far for even me, and now I've found that line. I mean for fuck's sake, people.
Advice. I Have It.
The saying shouldn't include "dance like nobody's watching", it should be "dance like everybody else is just as drunk as you anyway."
Thoughts. I Have Them.
If I could harness the rage that consumes me when I somehow miss the SKIP INTRO button I could rule the goddam world.
Plaza Sweet
Monday, June 28, 2021
Here We Go Again
3) With warm weather coming up I’m bracing myself for the inevitable advice we’ll get during the first heat wave: “Stay inside with the air conditioning on.” Really? Wow, I was gonna cover myself in maple syrup, put on my heaviest wool sweater and spin in circles on the baking asphalt for a while. Thanks! - XMASTIME
The annual brilliant "tips" on coping with a heat wave are here. (Spoiler alert: find a place that's cool)
I Am Not Made of Stone, People!
There hasn't been a lot of things to cheer about at Yankee Stadium this summer, but this is definitely one of them:
Back in 1961, a 10-year-old Gwen Goldman sent a letter to her beloved Yankees asking to serve as the team's bat girl. The general manager at the time, Roy Hamey, wrote back - but her excitement turned to disappointment when she learned her request was denied.
Then last Friday, the Yankees surprised Goldman with an unexpected invitation.
So Monday night, as the Yankees host the Los Angeles Angels, Goldman is making the trip with her husband from their home in Connecticut to the Bronx, where she'll finally get her chance to serve as the team's honorary batgirl.
On Monday, Goldman gleefully examined a locker in the Yankees' clubhouse holding her pinstriped uniform, then was welcomed to the dugout by manager Aaron Boone and ace right-hander Gerrit Cole, who schooled Goldman on her upcoming duties.
I Assume This Doesn't Count "Shawshank" for Everybody?
A Hard Day’s Night
Hoosiers
A League of Their Own
Glengarry Glen Ross
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Ratatouille
The Brothers McMullen
She’s the One
The Shining
Apollo 13
A Few Good Men
The Naked Gun
Where is John Sullivan?
WTF is it About Boston Athletes?
For some reason, Boston sports fans think if anyone plays more than 10 minutes in Boston they should be in the Hall of Fame. And apparently there has been enough banter about Dustin Pedroia being a Hall of Famer for someone to go through the trouble of writing an entire article against it:
From his arrival as 2007 Rookie of the Year and World Series hero through an MVP award and three All-Star berths in his first four seasons, Pedroia got an early jump on joining Rogers Hornsby, Joe Morgan, and Charlie Gehringer atop the list of greatest second basemen ever.
But like some hero out of Tolkien who absorbs a dozen arrows before finally succumbing to an onslaught of Orcs, Pedroia simply could not outlast a succession of injuries that robbed him not only of an appropriate sendoff, but also the late-career numbers that would've made his case for Cooperstown a slam dunk.
I know that as a Yankees fan I'm biased but come the fuck on already. And I know Joe Buck has been curled up under his bed crying since Pedroia announced his retirement but he is not a Hall of Famer. He was a really good player but that's it. I'm sorry he got hurt but .299 with 1,800 hits does not make you an immortal.
Is this just something we're gonna hafta preemtively do from now on every fucking time a Boston athlete retires?
Sunday, June 27, 2021
Saturday, June 26, 2021
Ray Davies Birthday Week Rolls On...
....and sometimes I worry that as a human race we don't pay enough attention to the fact that he once brilliantly rhymed "vernacular" with "Dracula":
We are the Custard Pie Appreciation Consortium
God save the George Cross and all those who were awarded them
We are the Sherlock Holmes English Speaking Vernacular
Help save Fu Manchu, Moriarty and Dracula
CAP. DOFFED!
I Mean Camon, People
Back in 2015 I rolled my eyes at some guy writing an entire article about eating 22 mozzarella sticks in 14 hours, which is ridiculously un-newsworthy and unimpressive:
I enjoyed the TGIF mozzarella sticks massacre post when it came out last year, but in re-reading it now I feel like 1) is 32 sticks in 14 hours impressive? hmm. 2) letting
management in on your little stunt is kinda cheating.
And today I shall do the same thing: guy eats 9 waffles over the course of 15 hours and that's something to write about? Really?
Ladies and gentlemen, let me remind you of what a real legend looks like:
...one time at lunch in high school I ate 15 rolls. And, as Vince Ball marveled the whole time, WITHOUT ANYTHING TO DRINK!!!!!
That's 15 rolls in only 30 minutes, losers!
And they were good af.
It IS Easy Bein' Cheesy
2011 was the year I finally gave up trying to be fancy and accepted
that the best cheese for a cheeseburger was good ol' American cheese.
Who did I think I was impressing with Cheddar? Who the fuck did I think I
was all those years, a Kennedy? - XMASTIME
THESE IDIOTS HERE took hours testing different cheeses to determine which kind is the best for a cheeseburger and still managed to get it wrong, with American coming in at #3 behind Brie and Mozzarella. I mean, come the fuck on people. American is the best: it is what it is, just accept it. Don't try to be better than you are.
Though this tidbit is interesting - while I've always known about the burger *supposedly* being invented at Louis Lunch in New Haven - which I famously dissed back in 2009 - somehow it'd never occurred to me to wonder where the first "cheeseburger" appeared:
It was in 1934 that the term "cheeseburger" was first coined, on the menu at Kaelin's restaurant in Louisville, Kentucky. They topped a patty with American cheese in the hopes of adding a "new tang to the hamburger," and this now-classic staple would soon appear everywhere from diners to backyards, all across the U.S.
XMASTIME MOVIE REVIEW: Yesterday
The trailer:
Interesting original thought exercise (as is any "what if?" Beatles scenario), but pretty much everything else was terrible. This was made for Beatle fanatics like me who can't resist taking the bait (tbh I can't believe I held out watching it this long.)
My thoughts:
Before even making it to the “gets hit by a bus and The Beatles are erased from history” part it already was the most implausible movie ever: 1. The main character, Jack, works in like a Home Depot and the manager offers him full-time because “the customers like you”. What? Are customers at HD seeking out the manager to tell them how much they like a worker? Really? 2. How does an unsuccessful non-profitable singer have a “real” manager who’s NOT his girlfriend?
Speaking of the girl, Ellie - she insists on being his manager when he's a nobody, but when he's making the leap to become the biggest star in the world she says "nah, Imma stick with being a school teacher"?
I don't understand the idea re: if The Beatles didn't exist then neither would Coca-Cola or cigarettes? What?
Jack, played by a guy who looks like a chubby Russell Brand, was remarkably overly serious and unfunny. His constant bafflement isn't even funny. At 119 minutes (grrrrr), maybe the most-sustained unfunny movie portrayal ever.
Can movie people make one goddam movie without stuffing in a romantic slant? Come the fuck on, movie people.
LOVED the dad! Everything he said was funny.
Also loved all the Ed Sheeran stuff! I may have leaned more into him being a cartoonish pretentious douche, but I really liked him whenever he popped up.
The scene when he's trying to play Let it Be for his parents but they keep getting distracted is fantastic. Maybe THAT should have been the movie - a guy has all the songs, but nobody cares.
One thing this movie did prove is that as incredible as the songs themselves are, when they're not in the hands of the actual Beatles they're not anywhere near as good. There's a magical electricity when they play together, which is simply impossible to recreate.
He quit teaching to...work at Home Depot? What?
He's a lone singer-songwriter who mostly plays acoustic but all of a sudden he shows up with a full band playing Help! like they're Blink-182? And the crowd goes apeshit? What?
It's nice to see him meet John Lennon just for the fantasy of knowing he's alive, but why would he sit down with a total stranger and have some deep chat? I know we think of Lennon as a Svengali but at age 78, never having been a public figure, would he really be down for "hey come on in and drink my tea while I drop truth bombs on you!"?
It's revealed that Lennon worked as a sailor his whole life, yet he somehow lives in this fucking house:
What? Was he a goddam Rear Admiral? Or Cap'n Crunch?
Kate McKinnon was funny but WAY too much.
About halfway through I started wondering about Gavin getting screwed over - a sweet guy who really gave Jack his start and he seems to be discarded...until....Ellie starts dating him? So is he then a villain?
Beatles songs sound simple but are famously complicated, tricky chords to play, yet this guy has no problem knowing and remembering all of them? They make a big deal of him trying to remember the words to Eleanor Rigby but he has no problem nailing the music for Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite? WHICH HE FOR SOME REASON RECORDED? Hmm.
The big scene when Rocky gives that touching monologue before opening the door to lead Jack onstage where a huge crowd is waiting? I 100% knew it'd be the wrong door, but his recovering with "let's continue on this journey together" got a legit LOL.
The big finale at Wembley Stadium: he reveals to the world that he didn't write these songs, that four men named John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr did and...the crowd thinks for a minute, then cheers? Everybody collectively shrugs, "okay", and everything just goes back to how it was before? Really? No followup questions, no media asking "what the fuck?" Four men named John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison (who, unlike John whose anonymity would've kept him alive, may still have died of cancer in 2001), and Ringo Starr didn't show up with a few questions? The whole movie just...ends?
Look, Richard Curtis doesn't owe us anything. He gave us Blackadder, The Vicar of Dibley, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Love Actually, Notting Hill, Pirate Radio and Red Nose Day (!), I just wish that after starting out with such an interesting premise he'd put in more thought to make it actually interesting/semi-plausible.
Here's the Let it Be scene I mentioned. You're welcome!
Friday, June 25, 2021
Thing That Makes Me Smile
Whenever someone comments that an actor is "chewing up the scenery" during a particular scene.
Whack Dawg du Jour
I can remember breathlessly watching the three nights they originally ran this back in 1995, and thinking "who the fuck on the planet ISN'T watching this?" As the respective albums were released I'd buy them at Sounds at the mall in Oxford, running to the mall shitter to read the liner notes cause I couldn't wait until I got home. - XMASTIME
One thing that's IMPOSSIBLE to even fathom in today's streaming world of "here's every song this band has ever recorded in an instant sorry it took so long" is the fact that while The Beatles Anthology documentary aired on tv over a coupla days in November of 1995, the accompanying cds for Anthology 2 and Anthology 3 were released in March of 1996 and October of 1996, respectively. OCTOBER! 11 MONTHS LATER!!!
WTF - it was the biggest cultural event in the world, you know they had all the albums finished and set for release, why did they make us wait? It's insane now, but at the time, while I was super-eager for the albums to drop, the incredible amount of time between them didn't seem like a huge deal, it didn't seem weird at all. I guess it's like British tv back in the day when a series would air 6 episodes and then you could wait up to 4 years for the next season, a lá Fawlty Towers.
Whack, dawg!
A Few Things I've Liked This Week
US, on PBS - I mean I love Tom Hollander so this was made for me. VIEWERS LIKE ME! Watch it HERE.
David Chang's Podcast - he's a super-interesting, thoughtful guy who's also funny. And someone like me really appreciates his diehard policies on the slight machinations of food, making food, eating food, thinking about food, and on and on. The Larry David of chefs. A deep binge is highly recommended. Listen to it HERE.
Naked Chicken Chalupa from Taco Bell - I hate myself for even trying it but it was surprisingly delicious. Like KFC's Double Down, surprised they pulled it off to the point that it's actually good and not just a gimmick. Damn you Taco Bell!! Details HERE.
Triple Plays! - The Yankees pulled off their THIRD triple play of the season this week. And it was the first one in the Major Leagues to end a game in 12 years. In my 23 years of watching the Yankees almost daily I don't think I've ever seen one, and now I've seen two in a short span. Unfortunately the one I missed is one unlike any other in MLB history:
The 1-3-6-2-5-6 sequence was the first time that combination was used in any of the 726 triple plays in major league history, per a database maintained by Baseball Almanac.
Fuck Off, Almonds - Bill Maher's takedown on ridiculous water use was dead on. I posted about it HERE.
Paul Rudd on Conan - his final employ of a historic, epic gag is already in the whichever appropriate Hall of Fame. I posted it HERE.
Screw It We're Just Gonna Talk About the Beatles Podcast - this episode was beautiful to listen to, two brothers separated by 7 years - a lifetime for siblings when they're young - and, having endured family tragedy during their youth, are brought together over and over by their love of The Beatles. Both touching and funny at the same time, you can hear it HERE.
Hey, here's some vintage Tom Hollander. Enjoy!
Sorry Not Sorry
If you turn your back on pizza, I have zero sympathy for you.
that's why you never turn your back on pizza
— Humor And Animals (@humorandanimals) June 24, 2021
(viralhog) pic.twitter.com/HuJ3S0CYo8
I Am Not Made of Stone, People
In 1961, 10-year-old Gwen Goldman penned a letter to the Yankees expressing her dream of being a bat girl. The response she received from the GM at the time still hangs on her living room wall.
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) June 25, 2021
This HOPE Week, the Yankees will make 70-year-old Gwen’s dream come true. pic.twitter.com/9sMosEcPOz
My Favorite Britcom Actors (Male Division)
In no real order. To qualify, each actor had to star in at least two sitcoms I love. Enjoy!
David Jason - Only Fools and Horses, Open All Hours, Porridge
Peter Bowles - To the Manor Born, The Irish R.M., Only When I Laugh
Ronnie Barker - Porridge, Open All Hours
Roger Lloyd-Pack - Only Fools and Horses, The Vicar of Dibley
Darren Boyd - Spy, Whites, Trying
Robert Lindsay - Citizen Smith, Spy
Tom Hollander - Freezing, Rev.
Richard Beckinsale - Porridge, Rising Damp
James Corden - Gavin and Stacey, The Wrong Man(s)
Steve Coogan - the endless Alan Partridge franchise, The Trip
Greg Davies - The Inbetweeners, Man Down, Cuckoo
Simon Bird - The Inbetweeners, Chickens, Friday Night Dinner
Joe Thomas - The Inbetweeners, Chickens, Fresh Meat
Paul Eddington - Yes Minister, The Good Life
David Mitchell - Peep Show, Back, Upstart Crow
Robert Webb - Peep Show, Back
Chris O’Dowd - The IT Crowd, Moone Boy
John Challis - Only Fools and Horses, The Green Green Grass
Ricky Gervais - The Office, Extras, After Life
Stephen Merchant - Extras, Hello Ladies
Matt Berry - The IT Crowd, What We Do in the Shadows, Toast of London
Matthew Baynton - Gavin and Stacey, Spy, Ghosts, The Wrong Man(s)
Rob Brydon - Gavin and Stacey, The Trip, Marion & Geoff
Thursday, June 24, 2021
Man Down
Just watched the first episode of Man Down because Greg Davies is a comedic dynamo but if you have UK comedy legend Rik Mayall in the cast why would you only have him I one scene?????
Long Live The Grinder!
On his podcast LITERALLY, Rob Lowe just answered a question by sating that The Grinder is the one show he did that he's bummed didn't go further, as it got canceled after only one season. He said it actually what drove him back to dramas, saying there's no way he could be funnier than he'd been in The Grinder and if that wasn't good enough, what the hell.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE The Grinder! And as bummed as I was when it didn't get a second season, whenever I think about it I really don't see what more they could've done with that construct, other than simply settling into an everyday family sitcom. Like Lowe I'm just happy it existed in the first place and that I can still enjoy those great episodes we did get.
Disappointing
HBO Max has re-imagined iconic Hanna-Barbara characters in Jellystone. I was gonna make a joke about a Kevin Costner-led Yellowstone/Jellystone crossover show but if this trailer is any indication they've sucked out the characters' humor and likeability. Fucking hell.
Dafuck du Jour
You all know I loves me some Doggie but what the fuck kind of psychopath drinks lemonade with cookies? Why not milk? And what guy thinks to ask for a napkin? 🤔 🤷♂️
Mad Dog Russo asks his wife to bring him lemonade and cookies during his show. 👑 pic.twitter.com/Vn9rnSVa4G
— Funhouse (@BackAftaThis) June 23, 2021
#ThrowbackThursday
Current Status
Me: hey, I love you too buddy! We're best friends! Best friends forever!
Him: settle down guy, just trying to lick last night's dinner off your beard.
Wednesday, June 23, 2021
America, In a Nutshell
Sigh. For fuck's sake:
The 50 Democratic senators who support the For the People Act represent 43 million more Americans than the 50 Republican senators who oppose it. Yet because of the 60-vote requirement to pass most legislation, 41 Republican senators representing just 21 percent of the country can block the bill from moving forward, even though it's supported by 68 percent of the public.
And yet Joe Manchin's idiotic fever dream of finding reasonable Republicans in favor of bi-partisanship marches on...
OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
Ladies and gentlemen, my official porn star name has presented itself.
Thank you.
Nailed It.
This final Paul Rudd visit with Conan O'Brien has it all: Bill Hader, Bill Hader doing an Ed Burns impression, Paul Rudd getting Conan AGAIN with his decades-old gag showing the wrong reel, and then ANOTHER triumphant twist on that gag at the very end. Totally worth watching all 9 minutes. READ ALL ABOUT IT HERE.
BEAUTIFULLY executed, American National Treasure Paul Rudd!
Tuesday, June 22, 2021
Happy Birfday Ray Ray!
THIS JOINT HERE lists Ray Davies top 10 lyrics to celebrate his 77th birthday. They got 3 out of 10 correct, Days, Come Dancing and Waterloo Sunset. My other 7 would be, and you're welcome, the following:
Animal Farm
Girl, It's a hard, hard world, if it gets you down
Dreams often fade and die in a bad, bad world
I'll take you where real animals are playing
And people are real people not just playing
Celluloid Heroes
I wish my life was a non-stop Hollywood movie show,
A fantasy world of celluloid villains and heroes,
Because celluloid heroes never feel any pain
And celluloid heroes never really die.
Arthur
Arthur we know and we sympathize
Don't ya know it, don't ya know it
Arthur we like you and want to help you
Somebody loves you don't you know it
Two Sisters
Priscilla saw her little children
And then decided she was better off
Than the wayward lass that her sister had been
No longer jealous of her sister
So she ran 'round the house with her curlers on
No longer jealous of her sister
Muswell Hillbilly
They'll try and make me study elocution,
Because they say my accent isn't right,
They can clear the slums as part of their solution,
But they're never gonna kill my cockney pride.
Life Goes On
My bank went broke and my well ran dry.
It was almost enough to contemplate suicide.
I turned on the gas, but I soon realized
I hadn't settled my bill so they cut off my supply.
No matter how I try, it seems I'm too young to die.
Better Days
Here's hoping all the days ahead
Won't be as bitter as the ones behind you.
Be an optimist instead,
And somehow happiness will find you.
Forget what happened yesterday,
I know that better things are on the way.
People Suck
I have no idea why, but people don't respect comedies, which pisses me off. For example, Vulture has an article listing the best streaming services to watch British tv, and of the total of 60 shows highlighted as "What to Watch" for each one, exactly 4 are sitcoms. 😡😡😡😡
Here's one the jerks missed. You're welcome!
Monday, June 21, 2021
Respect
Dave Chang's policies on NYC pizza by the slice should be taught in every damn school in America.
🤯
At 21 minutes past 9 tonight, it will be the 21st minute of the 21st hour of the 21st day of the 21st week of the 21st year of the 21st century pic.twitter.com/qYzVk59SzR
— Chuck D (@MrChuckD) June 21, 2021
P & P
"I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that
I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop
every time I begin. Every time I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to
dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin bone!"
What? "Every time"? I like re-reading books I love, but if you hate Pride & Prejudice so much why are you reading it again & again? 🤔 🤷♂️
The Office
I've seen it a million times but I hafta believe that the first time I saw this I pissed myself laughing.
Sunday, June 20, 2021
Happy Father's Day!
As one would ascertain from previous postings on this site, my father
was a no-nonsense guy. From the old school of “children are meant to be
seen working, not heard”, his favorite pastime was “let’s see if I can
come up with something ridiculously menial for the boys to do in the
baking heat for a few hours.” The only thing that would save you from
being sent outside to work was if you were reading a book. If you had
your face deep in a boo
he’d leave you alone and you were safe for another day. (I’m
particularly proud of my single masterstroke as a young buck: convincing
my dad that somehow, defying the laws of science, I actually read
BETTER if accompanied by a radio that was blaring, in his words, “jungle
music.” I guess when you played the bugle in the Marines, everything
that’s not Reville is “jungle music.” I still don’t know how I convinced
him of this – “I don’t know Dad, somehow I just retain more if the
radio’s on; weird, I know!”...meanwhile I’m on page 7 of ‘Then Again,
Maybe I Won’t” for 6 weeks; don’t matter anyways cause I’m holding the
thing upside down while rocking out to Extra 104.1 outta La
Plata/Waldorf.) But if you were doing anything else, like watching tv,
or writing the episode of The Brady Bunch
where Mike finally snaps at Alice "well guess what, you're NOT a
member of this family, so shut the fuck up and carry your fat ass outta
my face, bitch!", you were sent outside to work. Now, the funny thing
about whenever my dad would give us shit to do is that NO MATTER WHAT,
you were gonna do the job twice. The first time he’d check our work, no
good. Need to do it again. Then after he’d come out again, THEN the job
is done. "Good job boys!" My brother and I painted the exterior of our
house 3 times, and every room on the inside about 5 times when we were
young. Every single time, my dad would give us a speech that you know,
if we did an incredible job the first coat, it wouldn’t even need a
second coat. After being duped by this several times, my brother and I
learned that we could fly in the US Olympic Bedroom Painting Team and
when the first inspection came, it would still fail. “Nope,
sorry...gonna need another coat. Get to work.” And of course for the
second coat we could spray paint “I Fuck Cats” all over the walls, and
then he’d come in and say we were done, good job, see what you can
accomplish when you work hard etc etc etc....
My favorite “keep
the boys busy and out of learning about German shit-porn, even the
really artistically done stuff” job was always shifting gravel in the
driveway to “even it out.” This is a job I’ve since asked around about,
and no one I know has ever heard of doing this. It usually went like
this:
11:20am – my brother and I sent outside with 2 rakes, told to shift the gravel around, even out the driveway.
11:34am
– we’re still standing in the driveway, wondering what the fuck he’s
talking about. Flick some gravel around with our rakes, stand around.
11:35am
- take the top off the well, see how deep down it is til there’s water
by spitting into it and listening for spit to hit water.
11:41am – remember that’s where our drinking water comes from.
11:56am – finish spitting into well. "Sounds like 15 feet deep? Why is Neil Diamond here?"
12:01pm
– toss around theory that our father controls the heat of the sun by
sending us outside to work. Decide it’s unlikely, that if he had such
power over the universe, we’d probably have a riding lawn mower. (Which,
incidentally, my dad finally bought the day I left for college. Now
that my 12-year career of cutting grass with a 200-lb push mower with
square wheels was over, I can see him thinking "hey, this is a good time
to get that riding mower Xmastime has been crying about since 1983."
aaaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!)
12:03pm
- 90 second fight of the century: I turn blind with rage, my upper
teeth dig into my bottom lip and I leap at my brother, promising death
as my fists rain Hell down upon him like Satan’s dogs released from
their pen of hell-fire. This time, I’m not letting up. No gov'na!!
12:04pm – my Fists from Hell didn’t get the memo re: “no letting up.”
12:05pm – the tide is turning. This might not end well for me.
Still 12:05pm – my shirt is in ribbons and hanging from a tree.
Still 12:05pm
– I am covered in dirt with gravel sticking all over my body and can
barely breathe or see through the wall of tears built of up in my eyes
I’m desperately trying to hold back, little bird-chest heaving with
crazed emotion. Toughskins bloodied all over. Then I see I scuffed my
brother’s precious fucking Converse Weapons. Ha! Not a crushing defeat,
but I’ll take it - a W is a W.
12:07pm – Flicking gravel around. Ask him what 5th grade is like. Lot tougher than 4th?
12:09pm – brother has realized I scuffed his shoes. Let’s skip ahead to “does not end well for Xmastime.”
12:20pm – Dad comes out for inspection. Ruefully shakes head. What do you know; no good, need to keep working. Hmm.
And
on and on. The second hour outside would be mostly a combination of 1)
my brother explaining to me what an idiot I am 2) my little sister
stepping out for a minute to complain about how chilly it was inside
with the a/c pumping and how it’s affected the keg of Rice Krispie
Treats and 3) broad jump competition. Finally after an hour our dad
would come out and give us his “see, if you work hard and do it the
right way and come up with the definitive search engine for the
internet, you will succeed” speech. Every time. Looking back of course
it was all for our benefit; learning to work hard, getting fresh
air/exercise et al.
I know my father loved me, he raised me
etc but he made it clear that he was the father, we were not “buddies.”
His job was not to play grab-ass with us and buy us beer. But I see my
friends with their fathers now that we’re all adults and wonder what it’s
like to have more than JUST that father/son dynamic and evolve over the
years into more of a respect/friendship idea, that “I’m still your
father but my job raising you is done” thing. Sit on the porch, have a
beer and laugh about stupid shit I did, or women, whatever. He could
talk about when he was my age, what he did, thought etc. Jealous is too
strong a word, but I’m always aware of it when I see my friends hang out
with their fathers at this stage of our lives, interacting as
adults/friends. I wonder what it’s like, I wonder what my relationship
with my dad right now would be. Wonder what it’d be like to see an older
version of myself; to see in him where I was from and also what I was
to become. But I can only say "well, I'll never
know" and there's nothing I can do about it. But you move on, try to
figure it out yourself. A piece of the puzzle that shows who you are may
be gone, but you can always try to wonder. Wonder who he was,
who you are, who you'll become. Wonder what you’d be like as a father.
Who am I kidding...my boys are gonna be outside every Saturday shifting gravel in the baking sun. Shit’s in my genes!! ;)
Happy Father’s Day!
PS - Someone wrote and asked if I could re-post the "first love/report card" post. Here it is; enjoy!
Saturday, June 19, 2021
Mind. Blown.
The Office came THIS close to having a different theme song...Xmastime super-slice Better Things!
CURRENT STATUS
Whoa - Mad Dog just said “abominable” correctly on his first try so now I’m questioning everything.
"Hey, it was a supwise to me too, buddy!"
PBS is the Freaking Best, Part 43,211
In case you didn't already love your local PS station - which you should, idiots!!! - it turns out they offer a damn study guide about STAX RECORDS!!!!
Wow.
"YES, Otis - and viewers like YOU!"
Friday, June 18, 2021
Wow Who Coulda Possibly Seen This Coming?
The strategy that Republicans are using to hoodwink Manchin is the same they have used for decades to hoodwink Democrats: Pretend to be interested in a "compromise," mire the Democrats in endless negotiations, and run out the clock until elections. Then Republicans will run on a platform of accusing Democrats of getting nothing done, while ignoring the fact that Republican bad faith is why Democrats got nothing done.
Manchin appears to have an endless appetite for letting Republicans run out the clock with fake negotiations, either because he's an idiot or because he himself would rather not ever have to vote on actual bills. Unfortunately, the very fate of our democracy really does hang in the balance and Manchin is too busy pretending Republicans could be heroes to see them for the villains they actually are.
Truth du Jour
Each remastering of Beatles albums reveals that, incredibly, Paul McCartney was an even better bass player than we'd thought. Wow.
More McCartney
It's sacrilege but I cannot fathom how someone could say he didn't out-Little Richard Little Richard himself with this incredible cover. Sorry Little Richard!
Macca at MSG
One surprising thing about Paul I've learned over the years is he's apparently a genuine Knicks fan, based on the number of times I've heard about him being at games. So let's take a trip down memory lane about the time back in 2012 he - like everybody else - went bananas for Linsanity!
Here's Paul McCartney at the Garden Friday night, cheering his ass off for the Knicks.
Oh look, here's his smoking hot new wife with him. Nom nom nom!
Oh oh - now Paul is suspicious about his girl not really believing in Linsanity....
...so he punches the shit out of her.
NO PAUL NO!!!!
Macca Laugh du Jour
I heard him tell the story only once, but Paul McCartney tells it about a guy calling him up at the Apple offices angry about using the name “Jude”, that it was some sort of slur against Jews, and saying he was gonna send his son around to beat him up. Imagine being a young guy in 1968 and you get tasked with kicking Paul McCartney’s ass - the only way to become a bigger pariah to your own generation would be to, you know, kill John Lennon.
More Happy Birfday Paul!
I've defended McCartney in the stupid "Lennon vs. McCartney" debate
many, many times on this blog, I won't even bother linking to them oh
wait I guess I will HERE and HERE. And HERE. And countless others.
So it's nice to see someone else sticking up for Macca.
He's a bit strong with the "Lennon sucks!" language, I get cranky when I
hafta point out to people that McCartney was Lennon's equal (if not more) within The Beatles, but I also love Lennon at the same time.
Some favorites from the list:
3. He wrote what might be Lennon’s most iconic song introduction (the mellotron opening to ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’).
6. Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was McCartney’s idea. In fact, most everything the band did post-Epstein’s death in ’66 was driven by him. We have McCartney to thank for their entire post-66 catalogue.
10. McCartney recruited his friend George Harrison into the group. Lennon attempted to recruit Yoko Ono into the group. These recruitments had varying level of success. [XMASTIME NOTE: ziiiiiinger!]
13. He had the sense to excavate Let It Be from under the musical submersion of Phil Spector’s whitewashing string arrangements. Delivering his partner’s classic ‘Across the Universe’ in pristine acoustic glory.
15. Lennon’s quip in response to the question “Is Ringo Starr the best drummer in the world?” was “He’s not even the best drummer in The Beatles.” He was talking about Paul.
Happy Birfday Macca!
Thursday, June 17, 2021
Get Back, Low-retta
Peter Jackson's long-awaited Get Back is now set to be a 6-hour miniseries over Thanksgiving:
Rolling out in three two-hour installments on November 25th, 26th, and 27th, The Beatles: Get Back utilizes over 60 hours of unseen film footage from January 1969 — shot by director Michael Lindsay-Hogg for the original Let It Be film — and 150 hours of unheard audio, as well as — for the first time ever — the Beatles’ complete rooftop concert from atop London’s Savile Row. Paul McCartney previously shared a five-minute clip from Get Back in December.
Additionally, the Beatles’ Apple Corps will release a companion The Beatles: Get Back book on October 12th, a 240-page hardcover that complements the documentary with transcriptions of the Beatles’ recorded conversations and hundreds of exclusive, unseen photos from the three weeks of sessions.
This thrills me because the timing AND the accompanying book make it an echo of the phenomenal Anthology:
I can remember breathlessly watching the three nights they originally ran this back in 1995, and thinking "who the fuck on the planet ISN'T watching this?" As the respective albums were released I'd buy them at Sounds at the mall in Oxford, running to the mall shitter to read the liner notes cause I couldn't wait until I got home.
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