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Saturday, January 30, 2010

Nomination

Now that KSM in the NYC ain't gonna happen, I think the best place to hold the trial would be to find a small town that is itching to show the world how much it loves America, all while blowing a bunch of out-of-town money into it's coffers. Obviously, I would like to nominate my own hometown of Tappahannock, VA. Not only would all the little bed & breakfast places gouge "NYC ferah-ners" out of their dough, but it'd be basically free advertising for what could then be ridiculously over-priced river properties that are part of a small town but only 90 minutes from DC. KA-CHING!!!! The football team as state champs could get some great press. And yeah, if my blocked extra point at Lancaster comes up okay, fine, whatever (I REFUSE TO LET THEM MAKE THIS ABOUT ME!!) Chris Brown can sing The Star-Spangled Banner to remind everybody that we're awesome, but we can also beat the fucking shit out of you.


And hell, the town has already been on the front lines of terrorism, getting a cameo in Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11:
[Michael Moore is interviewing citizens from Tappahonnock, Virginia, population 2,016]
Michael Moore: Is there any terrorist target around here?
Tappahannock Woman: [Gesturing towards the restaurant behind her] We have a big spaghetti supper in here. 
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