Me, Moiself and I

Eric Chavez just hit a ball juuuuuust to the right of the right field foul pole that hit some dude in the face.  Dude was just standing there.  I don't think I've ever seen that before.  Thankfully the dude's alright; more importantly, it gives me an opportunity to not only make this incident all about me, but to do so in as lazy a fashion as possible, simply cutting/pasting without an original thought in my little head.  Enjoy!

From THE FACTS OF LIFE:

One time my brother bet me that he could hit me with a rock from all the way across the yard. About 125 feet away. Not only that, he told me, but he could hit me while I was running from one side to the other. HA! I don't recall what we bet for - maybe it's that if he hit me he'd get to go to a great college and become a success, and if I won I'd get to figure out how to get shitfaced on $3.75. Either way, seemed like a sure bet to me as I lined up across the yard in one corner. My brother found the appropriate rock, tossed it up to himself a few times, then looked at me and yelled "go!" I took off running, kinda half-trotting to be honest, prolly chuckling to myself. About a third of the way I looked up, just as he was letting loose. "What a loser" I'm thinking, running slo-mo like in Chariots of Fire. I see the rock coming, I'm thinking "ah there it is, nice try asshole." I can still to this day feel the way my neck was cocked as I was running, watching the rock sailing towards me. "Hmm" I started thinking, "this might actually be close. Ha!" Running, looking, running. "Wow," I'm lightly musing, "this is gonna be REALLY close. Hmm." Running, looking, running "Matter of fact, I might be crazy, but I think-" BAM!!!!!! Not only had this fucker hit me on a full run, he hit me right smack dab on the fucking temple. Miracle he didn't hit my eye. Twas a long walk back across the yard with his smug face waiting for me. Still can't believe it. Fucker.