Locos Tacos Suckos

Article HERE asks if Taco Bell's Doritos tacos, both nacho cheese and cool ranch, can save America:

Taco Bell sold a million Doritos Tacos Locos a day last year—and hired 15,000 new people.

What they don't mention is that both of these tacos ARE FUCKING AWFUL. Like anyone else on Planet Earth, when I heard about these Doritos tacos I thought well gotdam, what took so long? Then this weekend I finally tried them. Terrible. They're nothing like Doritos, in texture or taste, and should be called "Salt licks" instead. Take one bite, all the moisture gets sucked out of your body. These should be marketed to girls looking to find an alternative to their scarf 'n barf routine. I found myself scooping out the inside stuff and throwing away the taco, which is NOT sexy!

Of course I'll always have a soft spot for one of my original "Foods Have I Loved" selections:

6) TACO NIGHT - I think I like tacos so much because to me, they're like a mini buffet. Spread out in front of you you got the meat, the cheese, the beans. Well, lettuce & tomato if there's a chick there and you wanna impress. Stuff the taco with so much meat that there's no way possible the taco can even pretend to hold together. Actually, scratch that, use lettuce & tomato - more filler for everyone else to use, leaving more meat/cheese for yourself! Makes me think of my high school girlfriend - we'd go to Pizza Hut, where we'd order breadsticks for an appetizer. I'd be Mr. Cool Guy and insist on letting her eat all the sticks she wanted (this was before PH came out with the good ones; back then they were like fucking pretzel sticks. ugh.) By the time the pizza comes, she's stuffed! All the pie I could eat, sitting there for me. Course the joke's on me -I gained 100 pounds, sleep with a teddy bear who's a right-wing fanatic while she's happily married. Ah well. Speaking of Pizza Hut, who's the fucking wizard that came up with that fucking dessert pizza I'd always see at the buffet? You gotta be kidding me. Every time I'd go up for seconds/thirds/nineteenths/ I'd hafta wait for the real pizzas to come out while this fucking thing sat there. There's no way they didn't just trot out the same one every week, too. "oooooh, pizza....hmmm...I'm thinking jam with cinnamon icing! yum!" fuck you. Is this really what the Chinese were thinkning of when they invented pizza? camon.