Can still remember where I was standing in the record store when this came on.

Officecow Hits Chicago!

I thought wind would be blow upward, like with @MarilynMonroe. This is disappointing. Hello anyway, #Chicago pic.twitter.com/jRdnPj97NL

— #officecow (@_officecow) August 31, 2015

I’m running the beer gauntlet! Let’s do this! Somebody please pick me up & dunk my face in the glass! Thank you! pic.twitter.com/4fDFiJN32f

— #officecow (@_officecow) August 31, 2015

Snot on toast. No wonder Middle America’s doing so much meth. #chicago pic.twitter.com/ZTGpWiMBj8

— #officecow (@_officecow) August 31, 2015

They call this the “El.” As in “how the ‘el am I not puking right now?” #chicagobaby pic.twitter.com/LLG8vmbpvB

— #officecow (@_officecow) August 31, 2015

Yes Lance Armstrong I’m a f*#king rubber cow that’s hungover. #dontdodrugskids #thatsherylcrowsurewassomepiece pic.twitter.com/7cJTJrWXZb

— #officecow (@_officecow) August 31, 2015

Chicago dog! Ugh. Pigs have NO dignity. #rectums #lips #chicago (pics today by @no_r) pic.twitter.com/8IGNzGWB07

— #officecow (@_officecow) August 31, 2015

Eagerly await Sarah Palin’s carefully nuanced, well-thought out response to Obama changing Mt. McKinley's name to "Denali" OH WAIT here it is, that didn’t take long at all.

A-Rod Officially Murdering People Now, Picks Up 2 RBI Pinch-Hitting

Born to Run Week Rolls On

The official story of the making of Born to Run, released 10 years ago to celebrate its 30th anniversary.

Williamsburg Rats

Best audio book audition HERE!

Too Far, ISIS! Too Far!

ISIS Operatives Destroy Hofner Bass Guitar Signed By Paul McCartney http://t.co/Dw5jNs1W8s pic.twitter.com/S8M9UNZQ8q

— The Onion (@TheOnion) August 30, 2015

Oh for Fuck's Sake

I know he's history's greatest monster and all but can news sites report on the guy who fell to his death at the Yankees/Braves game without mentioning it was just after A-Rod's coming up to bat was announced as if that's why it happened  thaaaaaaaaaaaanks.

Biopic I Can't Wait For

Looks like they're finally making the Marco Pierre White flick, albeit with Michael Fassbender.

Now someone has to explain to me why it's not Tom Hardy!

Wtf du Jour

What is it with Trump​ and shopping malls? Is his big plan to make America great again re-invigorating Foot Locker​?

State du Moi

If anything's gonna finally make me lose weight it's how rakishly handsome I'll look with my new computer bag on my shoulder.

Hmm.

"Redskins' Robert Griffin III will be retested in 1-2 weeks, doctor says."

Ideas. I Have Them.

Documentary idea: "Seriously, who the hell is buying all those Nickelback albums?"

Bruce Week Rolls On

Sirius radio reminded me of this:

Many, many years later my buddy Op gave me a mix tape of Bruce cuts (remember mix tapes?). I remember riding the Dog down to Charlottesville and I had it in my walkman, kinda listening, not really paying attention etc and then a song called 'Livin On the Edge of the World' came on. Blew, blew blew me away. And just like that, I was in love. After all those years, I was in.

OMG

There's a list of things in my mind that are worth dying for. This is that list.

Cheese-Stuffed Burger Dog
Posted by Tasty on Thursday, August 27, 2015

When Sarah Palin Decides to Chime In With Her Thoughts On the ESPN Curt Schilling Suspension

Cue Boiling Outrage from Poor & Middle Class Republicans Along with Jesus and His Scrappy, Loveable Sidekick, Baby Jesus

When the Client Doesn't "Get" Your Labor Day Joke

Office Life

When you wear a dog shirt to the office you are generally labeled as "delightful." You're welcome, people.


UPDATE: from none other than Marley himself: "My instincts are to be casually cruel, but I can't bring myself to it. That's a really great shirt."

Sounds About Right

Thoughts. I Have Them.

From what I can tell, one of the biggest drawbacks of not being married is not getting to bitch and moan about being married.

Born to Run at 40

As someone who grew up just outside of it and lived there for a year, I am not without a little bit of pride to know that the seeds of Born to Run were planted in Richmond, VA:

“Bruce had just finished a concert in Richmond, Va. He was in the back seat of the car. He leaned over the front seat and said, ‘Mike, I’m trying to meld my lyrics with more Phil Spector-type songs and I’d like to use his production values.’ And I said, ‘O.K., I got it.’ Then he said, ‘Do you know anything about Phil Spector production values? And I said, ‘Yes, I do.’ ”

Of course for reasons nobody seems to know, Springsteen had an early fan base that was strong in Richmond.

“Bruce had just finished a concert in Richmond, Va. He was in the back seat of the car. He leaned over the front seat and said, ‘Mike, I’m trying to meld my lyrics with more Phil Spector-type songs and I’d like to use his production values.’ And I said, ‘O.K., I got it.’ Then he said, ‘Do you know anything about Phil Spector production values? And I said, ‘Yes, I do.’ ” Read more at http://observer.com/2015/08/how-bruce-springsteen-made-born-to-run-an-american-masterpiece/#ixzz3k42Mc4aK Follow us: @observer on Twitter | Observer on Facebook Read more at: http://tr.im/YML0e

Ideas. I Have Them.

Movie idea: a man and a woman simultaneously attempt to rob the same bank independently of each other; furiously argue incessantly about who gets to do the robbery until BINGO they fall in love. Starring Scarlett Johannson and Danny Devito.

Only Fools and Horses du Jour

Accomplishments. I Have Them.

Sometimes, I think my raison d’etre on this swiftly tilting planet is to remind people of what an overlooked and underrated tv show Wings is. - Xmastime

Pretty sure I made a convert this weekend!

What Time is It?

Tonight, for the first time ever, I used the term "beer o'clock" in a timely and funny matter. For once, I didn't think of it hours later with regret weighing heavy at a blown opportunity. The chance presented itself to me, and I knocked it outta the park.

And my dad never thought I'd amount to anything. Fuck YEEEEEW, Dad!!!!!!!!!! - Xmastime

"Beer o'clock" is now, incredibly, in the dictionary.

So What

Via HERE:

Well, this gives us an excuse to post Hayday's greatest hit, no?

Simultaneous thoughts as I walked out of my door this morning:

"Wow, what a great day to be alive!"
"What're you, a fucking idiot?"

Ideas. Yes, I Have Them.

Game Show Idea: Who Farted?

Ideas. I Have Them.

Movie idea: Texas high school football team for whom this is the pregame lets-get-fired-up song. Starring Coach Brian Dennehy.

Clinton and Virginia Governor Hate America, Freedom; Probably Jesus and His Loveable, Scrappy Sidekick Baby Jesus Too

Ha!

VA Murder Update

After hours of bated breath, I suppose Republicans can now officially lose their shit since we now know the TV crew shooter was a black man.

Born to Run at 40

Former Bruce manager Mike Appel on what made Born to Run an American masterpiece:

“Because the place was so expensive,” says Appel, “Bruce didn’t have the luxury he’d had at 914; talking about things endlessly, coming and going when he felt like it. The Record Plant was so expensive, it gave him the boot in the ass he needed. Suddenly, Bruce had to make decisions faster than he normally would. But being Bruce, he wouldn’t be rushed. No matter how anxious CBS was for him to get the album out, now that they decided he had a future, Bruce still wanted to make sure the record was as good as possible before he let go of it. He said at one point, something unforgettable: ‘The release date is ephemeral. The record is forever.’ ” Read more at http://observer.com/2015/08/how-bruce-springsteen-made-born-to-run-an-american-masterpiece/#ixzz3jwAmHJ7E Follow us: @observer on Twitter | Observer on Facebook Read more at: http://tr.im/tI8tY

 “Because the place was so expensive,” says Appel, “Bruce didn’t have the luxury he’d had at 914; talking about things endlessly, coming and going when he felt like it. The Record Plant was so expensive, it gave him the boot in the ass he needed. Suddenly, Bruce had to make decisions faster than he normally would. But being Bruce, he wouldn’t be rushed. No matter how anxious CBS was for him to get the album out, now that they decided he had a future, Bruce still wanted to make sure the record was as good as possible before he let go of it. He said at one point, something unforgettable: ‘The release date is ephemeral. The record is forever.’ ”

“Because the place was so expensive,” says Appel, “Bruce didn’t have the luxury he’d had at 914; talking about things endlessly, coming and going when he felt like it. The Record Plant was so expensive, it gave him the boot in the ass he needed. Suddenly, Bruce had to make decisions faster than he normally would. But being Bruce, he wouldn’t be rushed. No matter how anxious CBS was for him to get the album out, now that they decided he had a future, Bruce still wanted to make sure the record was as good as possible before he let go of it. He said at one point, something unforgettable: ‘The release date is ephemeral. The record is forever.’ ” Read more at http://observer.com/2015/08/how-bruce-springsteen-made-born-to-run-an-american-masterpiece/#ixzz3jwAmHJ7E Follow us: @observer on Twitter | Observer on Facebook Read more at: http://tr.im/tI8tY

“Because the place was so expensive,” says Appel, “Bruce didn’t have the luxury he’d had at 914; talking about things endlessly, coming and going when he felt like it. The Record Plant was so expensive, it gave him the boot in the ass he needed. Suddenly, Bruce had to make decisions faster than he normally would. But being Bruce, he wouldn’t be rushed. No matter how anxious CBS was for him to get the album out, now that they decided he had a future, Bruce still wanted to make sure the record was as good as possible before he let go of it. He said at one point, something unforgettable: ‘The release date is ephemeral. The record is forever.’ ” Read more at http://observer.com/2015/08/how-bruce-springsteen-made-born-to-run-an-american-masterpiece/#ixzz3jwAmHJ7E Follow us: @observer on Twitter | Observer on Facebook Read more at: http://tr.im/tI8tY

The Unthinkable is Happening

Are the Yankees unhateable?

Surprisingly, this team is likable and interesting. It’s flawed, but in a compelling, deeply human way.

In America

TV news reporter in Franklin County, VA shot and killed on air along with her photographer.

What I've been saying all along: if reporters and their photographers doing puff pieces on small businesses in tiny rural towns were armed to the teeth with semi-automatic weapons capable of firing 300 rounds per minute, this could have been prevented. Remember, guns don't kill people, people do. Usually with guns.

Oh for McFuck's Sake

McDonald's has no goddam sense of humor.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

One day, millions of years from now, aliens will land on Earth and eventually ask "what were white people like?" and, unfortunately, this will probably be the answer.

(live-blogging the song HERE.)
 

State du Moi

Note to self: start new band just so I can name it Babysitter. Also: need a new loofah.

Funny du Jour

Like anybody else I probably haven't thought of the name Jeff Foxworthy in two decades, but I just heard this bit and it's funny as shit, on why if you broke into his house you're better off being confronted by him and not his wife:

You break into my house, I *will* shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling *why* she shot you. 

[in one breath and at an increasing pace]

"I shot you for coming through the window like that. You know, you ought to get a job like the rest of us. I was up at five forty-five this morning. I had to make lunch for the kids, and then I had to take them to school, then I had to go to work myself. At lunch hour, I had to go get my driver's license renewed, then I had to stop by the grocery store on the way home. Are you listening to me? Are you listening to me? If you bleed on my rug, I'm gonna shoot you again."

We Miss You Swish!

The Yankees are getting demolished 15-0 and Brendan Ryan is now pitching. Ryan is an infielder, which means it's an excuse to bring up the greatest position player performance of all-time - Nick Swisher:

The best part was when he shook Jose Molina off, even through there were no signs. When he struck Gabe Kapler out, Swish rolled the ball into the dugout for a souvenir. Hilarious.

Derek Jeter thought it was amusing because it was Swisher. “He’s not going to stop talking about it,” the captain said.

Curt Schilling Is Still a Stupid Fucking Idiot

With apologies to people who have slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development as characterized by mental retardation, over the years I've blasted Curt Schilling for being a fucking retard (see full Curt idiocy HERE.)  And today, ESPN has booted him from the Little League World Series for posting this dumb shit on Facebook:

Of course based on this list of dumb shit he's posted over the years, does this even rank among his Top 5? Wow.

Currently Me

"OK seriously now, there's new music coming out from kids half your age, let's find some!" - listens to 20 year-old cover of a 50 year-old song.

Currently Me

"I'm gonna cruise around Sirius to find some brand new music I've never heard!" - spends 7 minutes listening to You Cant Always Get What You Want.

Proudest Larry David moment du Jour:

Getting the rest of the line at Starbucks to side with me against the woman who left her place in line ahead of me but decided to return a minute later. BACK of the line, loser!

No The Civil War Wasn't About "States Rights"

Great point backing up Ken Burns' declaring that YES the goddam Civil War was about slavery, you fucking idiots:

Slavery was empirically and indisputably the entire reason for the Civil War. As Burns described in the interview, it’d been gurgling just under the surface ever since the signing of the Declaration, and especially following the ratification of the Constitution. Speaking of which, whenever someone brings up the states’ rights excuse for the war, the most effective response ought to be, States’ rights to do what, specifically? Clearly, the answer is the right to own slaves. Full stop.

This false impression — this mythology — continues to resonate from a time when Confederate generals were dutifully repackaged as reluctant, underdog heroes fighting against long odds, rather than the traitorous villains they actually were. From that, we get this ludicrous zombie fantasy that the Confederate flag is solely about Southern heritage. But, again, we have to ask for specifics: the Southern heritage of what? And, again, the answer has to be nothing short of slavery, secession, mass death and treason.

Screen Door Slams, Mary's Dress Waves

Never-befor published interviww in Rolling Stone from the 30th anniversary of Born to Run in 2005:

The lyrical, major-key style of the album's piano parts – "Thunder Road," "Backstreets" — became a big part of what people think of as your sound. Where did that come from? What were the musical touchstones for you there?

The fact that those things had these elaborate introductions and melodic parts and a variety of movements, you can trace that back to the way the Roy Orbison records were composed. But, also, it was just something that I liked. I had a little old Aeolian piano sitting in the front of my living room, and I knew I was interested in writing on the piano at that time, partly because I was interested in those thematic movements. I suppose when you do it correctly, a good introduction and a good outro makes the song feel like it's coming out of something and then evolving into something. Like it's part of some sort of continuity, and it was also dramatic and it was meant to set up the song. I think somebody asked me about it in the little film we made, and I said part of the idea was to make it feel that something auspicious was going to occur. And it just set the scene. There is something about the melody of Thunder Road that just suggests "new day," it suggests morning, it suggests something opening up. That's why that song ended up first on the record, instead of "Born to Run" — which would've made sense, to put "Born to Run" first on the album. And we still put it on the top of the second side. But "Thunder Road" was just so obviously an opening, due to its intro. And these things evolve. I think there's only eight songs on Born to Run — I don't think it's much more than 35 minutes long. But as you move into it, where every song comes up in the sequence makes a lot of sense — though we weren't thinking about it; we were going on instinct at the time.

We Gotta Get Out While We're Young

The internet is abuzz today with one thing: today being the 40th anniversary of Born to Run. Atlantic has an article Born to Run and the Decline of the American Dream:

Springsteen’s critics misread his appeal. Absent from their analysis was class. The young heroes in “Thunder Road” and “Born to Run” are in flight from a very specific condition. Marsh recounts an interview in which Bruce explained, “I know what it’s like not to be able to do what you want to do, because when I go home, that’s what I see. It’s not fun, it’s no joke. I see my sister and her husband. They’re living the lives of my parents in a certain kind of way. They got kids; they’re working hard. These are people, you can see something in their eyes ... I asked my sister, ‘What do you do for fun?’ ‘I don’t have any fun,’ she says. She wasn’t kidding.”

An intensely private figure, Springsteen rarely sat for interviews, particularly in the early years. But when he did, politics was never far from his mind. “I don’t think the American Dream was that everyone was going to make it or that everyone was going to make a billion dollars,” he later said (as captured in the anthology, Bruce Springsteen Talking). “But it was that everyone was going to have an opportunity and the chance to live a life with some decency and a chance for some self-respect.”

It’s been 40 years since “Born to Run” first captivated the popular imagination. In many ways, we’re living in a comparatively prosperous decade: Downtown Freehold has been restored to its original splendor, and the Asbury Park boardwalk is lined with upscale bars and restaurants catering to an upwardly mobile crowd. Yet Americans still grapple with the same concerns that animated a young Bruce Springsteen. The place and condition of one’s birth continue to define the outer boundaries of possibility. All of which makes the music as meaningful as it ever was.

One of my first posts ever from almost 10 years ago was on its 30th anniversary, and still holds true today:

I've always said the title track is THE greatest single of the last 30 years - shambolic Phil Spector sounds falling down the stairwell, with words that should mean everything to a small town boy like me. Why every band in the world hasn't tried to reproduce this sound is a mystery to me, but fuck em. The piano echo on "Backstreets", the anguished singing taking me back home, and "Jungleland" unfolding piece by piece until you're in the middle of the street in the middle of the night in the middle of who the fuck knows what. Overblown? Yes. Dramatic? Certainly. Over the top? Isn't fucking everything when you're young, when you've found something to believe in, like Bruce did with the actual power of rock n roll? And really, shouldn't it be? You got your whole fucking life to be bored to death; anyone can be boring at any moment. It'd sure be nice to reach for something so great and unattainable these days; its all we can seem to do to get thru the day while hoping we "get" the White Stripes coolness, or Modest Mouse's emo-ness, or Wilco's...well, whatever it is that makes people like Wilco. On Born to Run, Bruce threw it all the table - love, youth, hope, at least HOPING for excitement if nothing else. You can almost picture Bruce picking you up in a '70 Chevelle and hittin the Dairy Queen, trying to to talk to chicks, getting ignored, driving up and down the only road in town, no money, no friends, but fuck, there's gotta be something else out there better than this. I felt the same way back in high school, standing round in French's parking lot, sipping a Big Gulp while dudes 10 years older tried to get girls to take them to the prom. yeesh. Christ, look at me blathering bout Bruce. I don’t want no lovefest here, but hey, sit in your room tonight, turn all the lights off, and put on Born to Run. Born to Run will never, ever let you down.

 I will now rank the songs in order:

Born to Run
Backstreets
Jungleland
Thunder Road
Night
Meeting Across the River
She's the One

The Earliest Clash

The earliest footage of The Clash was rather incredibly captured by Julien Temple, who did or didn't know what he was filming as it happened. The result, finally seen now after 40 years, is bizarre and astounding...and beyond belief that it was filmed in the first place.

He's also one of the prime innovators in music videos, working with artists as diverse as The Rolling Stones, Duran Duran, Eric B & Rakim, Janet Jackson and David Bowie.

But in 1977, his student film about a promising new Punk band remained unfinished.
Now he's taken material shot with The Clash just before they became famous to create a documentary recalling the times which formed them. 

I was at the National Film School and I was already filming with the Sex Pistols. The Clash weren't known at all outside a very small circle, but I thought they were an incredible band in the making. 

So Joe Strummer, Mick Jones and Paul Simonon agreed to talk to me and let me film rehearsals in Chalk Farm in London, where it was freezing. Eventually, I filmed a gig at the Roxy club in Covent Garden, which disappeared long ago. The gig was on New Year's Day 1977. 

The documentary is interspersed with BBC footage of Brits damning the upcoming year, 1977, as what was sure to be the worst year ever. Enjoy for yourself!

Only Fools and Horses Quote du Jour

It's Official, Internet

We are out of ideas.

Williamsburg Rats: Food Crap

Buy the book HERE.

If You're Looking for Trouble...

...we are more than happy to accommodate you at the Target parking lot, losers.

Dinnertime Last Night

(Waitress is listing the available desserts)
Waitress: ...and then there's the "Not Your Father's Root Beer Float."
Me: What makes it "not my father's"?
Waitress: It's got alcohol in it.
Me: (Pause) Wouldn't that be exactly what makes it a father's root beer float?
(Waitress head explodes)

Thoughts. I Have Them.

The thing the Ashley Madison hack has shown us about the sanctity of marriage is that it's the 38 million people who ruin it for everybody else, right? #onebadapple

Hypocrisy as Per Usual

One thing we've learned from the Ashley Madison hack is that over 38 million married people have signed up for the adultery website, which means that yes it's gay people that are ruining mthe sanctity of marriage. Cough.

Anyway, of course some uber-famous Christian guy famous for posting videos about what an amazing Christian values family guy he is has gotten busted for being on the site but not to worry, he's asked God for forgiveness and had received it, so that's that. Just like David Vitter a few years ago:

You see that? He asked for AND RECEIVED forgiveness from God. Hmm. Really? He knows for fact that God forgave him? Can somebody please ask him how? Did God text him? I mean, did he really just say that? How can he say that and nobody asks him how this hapenned? And can I use this in court maybe? “Listen, your honor, I already talked to God and he forgave me for stealing the car, so you might as well let me go.” I guess him saying this horseshit makes it okay. Am I crazy, am I the only person on Earth thinking it's a bit much to believe that "God" reached out and spoke to this dipshit? A bum on the street talking to Jesus is "crazy", but we're alright with Vittner having God on his speed dial. Camon.

Happy Birthday Joe Strummer

The Brilliance of John Sullivan

This report on the death of Only Fools and Horses creator/writer John Sullivan in 2010 does a great job of succinctly showcasing the genius duality of the show.

Only Fools and Horses writer John Sullivan dies by plantaryeasty

David Allan Coe

A part of the story of David Allan Coe's classic You Never Even Called Me By My Name, a song that back in the day was the soundtrack to nights at the Village Idiot (RIP) and OMG HE FUCKING WAS A PRISON MATE OF SCREAMIN' JAY HAWKINS?!!?!?!?!

Only Fools and Horses du Jour

Last month I pointed out that as funny as Only Fools and Horses was, it also had some incredibly dramatic, poignant ones due to both John Sullivan's amazing writing and the actor's being so talented as well.

Here's a list of the Top 10 most poignant moments from the show (most of the videos are pulled, which sucks), such as when Del Boy's son is born:

Del looks to the stars and talks to his dead mother, holding his new born son for the first time. He then promises his boy he'll give him everything he never had. A truly moving speech, and the only real occasion Del admits to being a bit of a failure. "I wanted to do things, be someone, but I never had what it took. But you, you're different. You're gonna live my dreams for me. You're gonna do all the things I wanted to do, and you're gonna come back and tell me if they're as good as I though they would be..." A wonderful moment, delivered to perfection by such a wonderful actor.

How Have I Never Heard of This?

Marvin Gaye once tried out for the Detroit Lions.

Long Live The Happy Scene

NOTHING that has EVER come out of the New York City underground rock n roll has ever touched this. PLEASE take the time...
Posted by Marah on Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Happy Scene Review!

From Marah's Dave B:

NOTHING that has EVER come out of the New York City underground rock n roll has ever touched this. PLEASE take the time to hear these amazing RnR songs tonight. Soundtrack of my life....DB. So beautiful, so pre-hipster Brooklyn. I miss you soooo much, I love youXOXO

Real deal. The spirit.

THIS IS WHAT he's talking about :)

jennie fennell

Recorded 20 years ago this month, and definitely the best song I ever did thanks to James Renard's great drumming:)

Del Boy & Rodney

This one minute totally encapsulates Del Boy's relationship with his much younger brother - trying to protect him by not alarming him re: his medical condition, and yet letting him know he wants him to be there for him. Powerful.

There are things about America I'm embarrassed by.

Our love of air-conditioning is not one of them.

Only Fools and Horses Quote du Jour

Father O'Keith: So to what do I owe this honour? 
Del: I have come to confess my sins. 
Father O'Keith: Del, please! I've been invited out to dinner this evening.

This Is Just Wonderful

Old Black Man Nickname I Just Overheard Outside the Park

"Sleepytime"

They Call Me Bruce

Scroll down on Backstreets (they don't let you click on individual posts grrrrr) for the story of Rick Springfield's song Bruce, in which he makes fun of people always getting him mixed up with Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen:

"At first being mistaken for Springsteen bugged me but then I thought it was hilarious." Springfield was inspired to write and record the humorous, self-deprecating song "Bruce." The mid-1970s album project for which it was recorded ended up being abandoned, and "Bruce" remained pretty much a half-remembered private joke until the 1980s, when both Springfield and Springsteen experienced major commercial successes. When Springfield released his breakthrough 1981 album Working Class Dog, containing his number-one hit "Jessie's Girl," his then-manager (who still owns Springfield's mid-1970s recordings) arranged to add "Bruce" to the Australian edition of the album without Springfield's permission. 

To his credit, Rick Springfield has dealt with being called "Bruce" or "Rick Springsteen" with much patience and good humor throughout his career. More importantly, he continues to earn respect for his own achievements on his own terms. Acting accolades have been rolling in for his recent roles in both Ricki and The Flash and Season 2 of HBO's True Detective. And just a few days ago no less an expert than Little Steven recognized Springfield as "a great guitar player! Who knew?!?" 

Read This Book!!!

11 years ago, Xmastime buddies Marah released an album named after the Patrick Hamilton trilogy 20,000 Streets Under the Sky. It took me this long to be reminded by Dave Bielanko that I should read it, which I finally just did. And as a semi-tragic, depressing look into the life of poor London between the World Wars it obviously did not make this list of funniest books ever, and yet has at least three of the funniest lines in a novel I've ever read are in the first book of the trilogy, The Midnight Bell:

 (On finding his desired love's ex-boyfriend had abused her)
Joy! He had knocked her about! A lyric thankfulness to the man arose in Bob.

"And the prettiest," said Prunella. "She's the prettiest girl in the West End"
Bob's heart sank.Any testimonies to her beauty, from an extraneous source, crucified him - augmenting, as they did, her preciousness and remoteness. He had always vaguely hoped it was merely his own private madness.

(Talking with his desired love.)
I'm quite good at dancin.' I've been in a chorus, you know."
"Have you?"
He had now to deal with an actress. Would it never end?

Meanwhile, dig the great Marah album.

No Holiday For You!

Will the new "here's the season, watch whenever you want" style of tv programming kill the holiday episodes for shows? If so, I highly recommend one of the ebst, from Wings (lots of Antonio of course = comedy gold!)

Hut One oh Fuck It I'm Too Tired to Think of a Title

The courtroom artist who caught a ton of shit for her weird Tom Brady sketch might be selling it. Which begs the question I asked 6 years ago:

What's up with courtroom drawings? What the fuck are these for? Anything else in the world we take pictures, or video even. We have pictures of other galaxies. Everything is a matter of public record. And yet whenever there's an article about anything from inside our hallowed halls of justice, it's accompanied by a Peanuts cartoon. What the fuck?

S1 S2

Grantland tackles the question of best album openers (Side 1, Track 1) HERE.

Seems to know his stuff, I only skipped it but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that while I'm not really a Wilco fan Misunderstood leading off Being There is one of the most stunning album openers of all time.

A few years ago I tackled this one, using my personal favorite bands. Here they are. You are welcome.

THE RAMONES
Do You Remember Rock 'n Roll Radio?

THE REPLACEMENTS
I.O.U.
(NOTE: actually surprised I didn't put Hold My Life here. Hmm.)

THE BEATLES
I Saw Her Standing There

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
The Ties That Bind

THE CLASH
Safe European Home

MARAH
Faraway You. This is an all-time opener, almost impossible to beat.

R.E.M.
Radio Free Europe

HUSKER DU
Flip Your Wig (close: Those Important Years)

SOUL ASYLUM
Freaks

UPDATE: whoops, I only now realized that the writer settled on only choosing from debut albums, thus rendering my little list silly. Fuck it.

State du Moi

I think things would go a lot better for me if when walking around I pictured myself in slow motion with 20th Century Boy blaring.

Raving On Grrrrrrrrr

Vulture article HERE on the least historically accurate music biopics.

While I’ll always love Amadeus for giving me the backfart, I do remain puzzled about one thing from my super-superslice The Buddy Holly Story:

My only beef is they had him play a Telecaster when Buddy Holly was famous for playing a Strat. What the fuck? How could they flub that?

Ouch.

Watching Bryan Mitchell get hit in the head last night was scary, but not as scary as when A-Rod crushed an Indian pitcher's head back in 2010:

Alex Rodriguez wasn't available to the media following Saturday's game because he attempted to visit Indians pitcher David Huff in the hospital. But A-Rod, whose third-inning line drive drilled Huff on the side of the head, said the two chatted for about 10 minutes on the phone Saturday night instead. 

"We spoke for five or 10 minutes and he's just a really nice guy and he thought the results were good and we'll wait and see." Asked what the scariest part of the incident was, Rodriguez added: "The kid laid there, David laid there, for what seemed like 30 minutes, even though it was really like three or four minutes. That made it more scary. The one thing is there are 55,000 people here and only one person knows how hard you hit a guy. A lot of times you hit it back up the box and you hit it off the end  or get jammed a little, but that one was really flush."

A-Rod also said that Huff joked with him, "I was going to come find you in batting practice (Sunday) and ask you if that's your best shot, is that all you got? My answer would've been yeah, that's all I got."

Also, whenever this happens I ask how the hell this doesn't happen ALL THE DAMN TIME.

Luckily it turns out Mitchell has a hairline nasal fracture and (hopefully) no concussion.

State du Moi

At some point you just hafta let the world know that you've never given a damn about Astral Weeks and probably never will.

Fastball/Changeup/Breaking Ball/Slider

Over the course of 17 years as a Yankees fan I've seen approximately 550,800 pitches and I've called exactly 4 of them correctly. Wtf.

Rats

I was getting a kick outta this until it mentioned that rats can tread water for three days straight. I mean, that's fucked up.

There Is a Word for This and That Word is "Fucking Perfect."

Only Fools and Horses Quote du Jour

#delboy

Funny Books (Hopefully)

I've never seen a Woody Allen movie anywhere near as funny as Without Feathers.  - Xmastime 

I recently ordered Lucky Jim (hey, just arrived at my doorstep! Thank you, horrible horrible Amazon!) after hearing for years that it's the funniest novel ever written, or at least of the last century or such. Meanwhile, Esquire has a list of the 20 Books Ever, and I must say that while I guess the character and premise of Confederacy of Dunces was pretty funny I don't remember a single funny line from the book; and good for them for putting Without Feathers (not a real "novel" but fuck it) at the #1 slot, which as you know is a superslice that I've shamelessly ripped of over the last 25+ years in a fashion second only to Neil Simon's Star-Spangled Girl.

Best Beach Week Ever...Until Next Year

Back from the Beach

And en route to, apparently, Transylvania.

Official Doctor Diagnosis

"You've got the Doritos Tongue, miss."

The Need for Spieth

Via GRANTLAND:

On Friday, on the seventh tee in Akron, Spieth hit a drive he didn’t like, spun around and looked at the gallery, and plaintively said, “Dude!” For Spieth, “dude” is a curse word. (You wonder why journalists who drop F-bombs on deadline are granted a luxury over someone who’s trying to a win a million-dollar prize.)

It’s also a strange moral universe that says a Tiger fist pump is a sin against Ben Hogan, but dropping your club after a bad shot or lecturing your ball in midair (both Spieth faves) are lovable eccentricities. “The Tiger stuff bothers me because anything he does, especially now that he’s down, gets portrayed in a negative light,” said Alex Myers. “Anything that a Rory or a Jordan does on their way up — when they’re young, when everybody likes them — they’re being charming.”

I’m not ready to say there’s a whiff of racism involved here, but the rush to bury Tiger Woods even further by proclaiming Jordan Spieth as some sort of purist Boy Scout cum perfect angel can only backfire – when Tiger was 22 years old everybody thought he was a ball of innocent wonderment too; nobody was sitting around saying “no no, in a few years he’ll be history’s greatest monster.”

Did Snoopy Kill Peanuts?

According to this person, yes:

Snoopy even passed for a human in many circumstances — Peppermint Patty referred to him as the “funny-looking kid with a big nose,” and took him to her school dance. And thus, the ‘humanizing’ of Snoopy also meant that the real kids were used less and less. Snoopy filled their roles, and eventually, many human characters were discarded altogether. By the 80s, Shermy and Patty, who started the strip with Charlie Brown and Snoopy in 1952, were gone, or reduced to brief cameos. Violet and her high bred snobbery were gone. Frieda, who used to challenge Snoopy more than any of the other characters, was also gone. Instead, we got more strips of Snoopy in cute costumes.

What do I say? Maybe. It's like asking if The Fonz killed Happy Days: he's still the coolest. Do we really give a shit about Shermy & Co.?

It Was 50 Years Ago Yesterday

The Beatles played their historic concert at Shea Stadium. Here's an article on why that show was even greater than we thought:

The Beatles became who they were on the back of their catalog — which is to say, as songwriters — but that endgame would never have been secured without them first being absolute badasses of the stage. You hear an absolute mother of a band on something like the Star Club tapes, recorded — in exchange for free beer — in Hamburg in late 1962. This was a group that, from an in-concert standpoint, could beat the piss out of all comers. The songs were almost always not theirs, but the point wasn't ownership in the compositional sense, but rather a kind of sonic rank pulling — in effect, saying, "Yep, we'll have this bad boy number by you, Fats Waller, and you, Arthur Alexander, and we will make it no one else's but ours."

I don't really know why this writer thinks Help! sucks, this makes them an idiot.

The Beatles talk about Shea Stadium by allableck

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Movie idea: guy adopts a coupla kids just to get more "likes" on Facebook; they end up stealing his heart in the end.

12 Years Ago Today in NYC

The lights went out:

The NYC blackout of 2003 was 10 years ago today. It's one of the events I'll always remember re: the uniqueness of the place and how it seemed to bring everybody together - still does, really.

I've decided that the people from the 1977 blackout could pretty much beat the shit out of us from the 2003 one. I mean, those dudes were looting and raping and burnt down Bushwick while having to worry about the Son of Sam capping them. In 2003 we all got drunk off free beer from the bars ("it'll go bad in the taps; drink! no ice, drink!") and free food from the bodegas ("the food will spoil! eat! eat!") I'm surprised Bloomberg didn't pass out free kittens to all of us for being such great, orderly citizens. What a bunch of pussies. Maybe we are heading back towards a more 1950's NYC. A time, as The Barber once said, "When Whites Ruled Brooklyn."- XMASTIME

hHre's some snappity-snaps from that day.

State du Moi

Favorite thing to do on the beach: point out boats with strange flags and ask "Isis? is that Isis?"

OOOOOH Yeah!

Another 5-star review! 

Oh By the Way I'm On Vacation All Week

If you'd invested in sunscreen before I went to the beach you'd be pretty, pretty, pretty comfortable in the financial department by now.

Some Of My Facebook Gems You May Have Missed from Last Night's Real Housewives of the GOP Show

Trump sounds like a 6th-year senior: too stupid to graduate, but says whatever the hell he wants with absolute confidence.

GOP debate takeaway: every other leader in the world is a super-genius, American leaders are stupid but oh yeah, American exceptionalism and all that. Love it.

Asking a Republican if he thinks government is too big is like asking a dude if he wants to see your tits. Thanks for wasting our time, genius.

Making lemonades from lemons: this GOP thing has been instrumental in keeping me from watching Joe Dirt 2 tonight.

Oh good, a question about what martyrs Christians in America are. In other news, The Beatles are worried about today's album sales. ‪#‎gop ‪#‎debate ‪#‎thirdbase

This is what its come to: a legitimate question in a "debate" for the nomination of a US president is "did God call you to this?" Hopefully God is checking his feed and thinking "whoa whoa whoa, don't blame ME for these idiots!"

Nothing about Benghazi so far? So the GOP doesn't care about when the Japs bombed the Twin Towers and chopped Springsteen's head off? Wtf? ‪#‎wheresmycountry

Ben Carson ended rather wonderfully. Its a shame Republicans hate black people.

Jeb Bush is about as charismatic as whatever the total opposite of what charismatic is.

Xmastime Movie Review: Goliath

The last time I reviewed a Will Larroca film I compared his third one to Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen's classic album, Born to Run, and now I'm doing the same for his fourth offering.

It isn’t Born to Run.

Born to Run is a culture-shifting collection of words and music that not only changed the lives of the people who made it, but also every single person who heard it. It has spent four decades doing so, and will surely spend many, more decades continuing to do so.

Goliath, Mr. Larroca’s fourth and latest film, is just a movie filmed by some kid and his friends on presumably a budget of $0. It will surely be forgotten by its participants by the time they move on to college, or the Army, or whatever path they choose to take as their teen years fade into adulthood.

Which is a shame.

Because while Born to Run may have been a culture-shifting collection of words and music that not only changed the lives of the people who made it, but also every single person who heard it and spent four decades doing so, and will surely spend many, more decades continuing to do so, Goliath is 11 minutes and 11 seconds of art that transcends, transports, and transfixes. Since the beginning of this paragraph I’ve completely forgotten that Born to Run exists, and I do not care. I do not miss it.

Because Goliath.

Some notes I took as I watched:

-  You are grabbed by the throat before the title even comes on the screen, as Mr. Larroca posts “Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next”, a quote from someone named Denis Waitley, who besides finding everlasting life by being name-dropped in this film probably spent a great part of his youth being called “Penis Waitley.” For him to have overcome such a thing tells us that Goliath STARTS with sweet, horrible redemption. If I never saw another frame of this movie, which I considered briefly, I would consider the full price of admission, which I did not have to pay, totally worth it. If there’s ever been a time in which a standing ovation for a movie before an actor has appeared onscreen or a word has been said would be appropriate, this is that time.

- I said it about his first movie and I said it about his second movie and now I’ll said it about his fourth movie: Mr. Larroca’s bravely brilliant creative strategy of filling up as much of the movie’s precious minutes with slow title sequences is brave and brilliant. I’d say bravo to Mr. Larroca on this point but do not feel it is my place to say it.

- White kids playing basketball. 80s synch music. I’m in.  I AM ALL IN  

- Oh no, it’s “the biggest bully at Gonzaga.” What a frightening thing to hear, a bully at an elite private school in Washington, DC, this guy must be terrifying. I’m reminded slightly of how Op would warm up for basketball games:

10:12pm "Be True. another sophomore go-to song in car before basketball game." Wow. Good thing for the other team they didn't know about that - I'm sure there's nothing a basketball team fears more than a white guy who's just been pumped up by mid-tempo Springsteen studio outtakes. Bullet dodged!!!! "oh no, he's displaying fine sportsmanship and is making crisp passes!! He's been listening to Bruce!!!!!!!!!! We are FUUUUUCKED!!!"

I look back at my days of riding the bus with Michael Perry waving a knife around and I scoff; surely he’s never received and upbraiding about Nantucket Reds before Labor Day like this bully can deliver.

- Filming the movie in a wind tunnel may not have been Mr. Larroca’s finest cinematic choice.

- These kids are the worst basketball players ever seen onscreen, but by now, I trust Mr. Larroca – perhaps one of them will turn into a wolf? 

-  Crying scene: Mr. Larroca, clear off that trophy shelf. Mr. Oscar will be making a visit soon.

- Kid in a robe. Is this a Harry Potter parody?

- “The first thing we need to do is get better at basketball.” Unless this movie is as long as Shawshank Redemption I don’t see that happening.

- Toto song…reference to The Wizard of Oz? Jesus. I’m hooked. Pissing in a Gatorade bottle hooked.

- 5 &1/2 minutes in, and I see Mr. Larroca has presumably saved all the relevant dialogue and meaningful action into the second half of the flick. Genius – if he worked at Peter Luger’s the steak would only come once you’ve gotten out on the street to walk away. Patience, people, patience.

- Slow-motion shot of kid behind some trees starting to walk while David Bowie plays = something is about to happen, and they caught it on film. 

- Still slow-mo/Bowie.

- Still slow-mo/Bowie.

- Nobody ever say “nerd” with such indignation as this since The Fonz. This is a pleasure to hear.

- Shit, the one-on one game is all tied up, and Mr. Larroca’s protagonist only has one last play to win.

- Slow-motion shots with Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah playing = somebody knows Jeff Buckley didn’t write it, and our climax is upon us.

- Yes, I am reminding myself to write my next porn movie, Our Climax is Upon Us.

- Is Mr. Larroca’s character crying? Jesus man. Leave an Oscar or two out there for somebody else. Whoa. Not fair, kid. Not fair.

- No he’s not crying, it’s just really windy and he has to stare at the camera in slow motion while Hallelujah’s still going and you can’t overact if your co-star has red hair and green pants, so.

- Mr. Larroca raises his hand as if calling his (hopefully winning!) shot. Or, being a student at Gonzaga, summoning someone from lesser socioeconomic circumstances to move his hair out of his eyes for a quarter. Either way – with this writer/director, it’s always impossible to read minds.

- I was a little confused with the title, Goliath, until I just saw the character who beat a kid half his size on the basketball court throw the ball at the losing kid for a little icing on the cake. The message? Life is about winners, not losers. The fact that I am writing this only minutes before Donald Trump takes the stage for the first GOP debate is not lost on me. Well done, Mr. Larroca. It is one thing to have timing, it is another to create it.

-  Oh, “70 years forward” – a flash forward! A new cinematic device for young Larroca! A new tool in his toolbox! Words on a screen!

- Oh oh…now-octogenarian Mr. Larroca spots the ol’ ball and hoop…

-  Holy shit – I thought the crying scenes were going to cash in at the Oscars but a dying scene?!!?!?!!? Set to Badfinger’s Baby Blue – no mas, sir, no mas!!!!!

-  Movie kind of ends, I guess. Hmm. Okay.

I am drained. I am sated. I am not sated. I am not drained, I am alive. There are only two words with which I can thank Mr. Larocca:

Thank you.

 Ladies and gentlemen - Goliath (made available by Filmvetter):

Xmastime TV Review

The brothers' fake reality show banter would be a lot easier to swallow if it included them mercilessly making fun of Donnie's "music."

Onion du Jour

Patriots Tired Of Jimmy Garoppolo Beginning Every Huddle With ‘This Is My Team Now’ http://t.co/kCrHhYbKdE pic.twitter.com/0U993X5UDX

— Onion Sports Network (@OnionSports) August 6, 2015

Thoughts. I Have Them.

If the internet’s been good for anything, it’s to show that exactly nobody else is sleeping well either.

A-Rod Rehab Continues

Dude at GRANTLAND points out one of the reason's A-Rod's doing so well in the court of public opinion, the fact that his nemesis is generally despised even more than him:

In many ways it has actually helped A-Rod’s image that his greatest nemesis is his own organization, the one that re-upped him on a 10-year contract in 2007 and has frantically combed through it for loopholes ever since. There’s something pretty delicious about seeing the Yankees — a franchise that prides itself on its staid pinstriped perfection, that looks everyone in the eye and asks them solemnly why can’t they be more like Derek Jeter — reduced to being a Costanza-era caricature of itself.

Costanza! Ouch!

"We won the World Series."
"Yeah. In 6 games."

Either Bill Clinton Is Even Smarter Than We Thought

Or Donald Trump is even dumber than we thought.  Awesome.

Well Good Luck Banging Them Now, Geniuses

State du Moi

I believe in neither god nor the devil, but my lunch costing exactly $6.66 concerns me. ‪#‎damien‬

It Was 20 Years Ago Today

I walked into the Idle practice space in Brooklyn and we recorded this little gem in about 3 hours. It was the most exciting day of my life up to that time. Ok who am I kidding; since too. And there's still about 490 copies available in a box in my closet. Legend has it that while only 8 people actually bought the record, all 8 went home and thought about starting bands of their own before just kind of forgetting about it.

You can also hear 2 other Happy Scene recordings HERE.

I think the only songs we ever did live were The Best Days of Our Lives and Halo On Her Head. Maybe The Show.

Enjoy!

It's a Miracle

Looks like I might actually be going to a movie theater.

On to Plan B.

From Classic Man's Do Not Make Animal Noises at Women:

• Do not whistle, shout or make animal noises at females in public.
• If you are over the age of forty, do not make suggestive remarks or double entendres as a part of a flirtation ritual with a younger woman.
• Do not make rude or suggestive comments to any females with whom you have a less than intimate acquaintance, and especially if you are in the company of one or more other males.
• Never touch a female with whom you have a less than intimate acquaintance in any way differently than you would touch another male.

WELL, Well, Well...

For decades people have made fun of my being attracted to women with, for lack of a better term, a horseface.

WELL NOW THE LAUGH IS ON THEM!!

49 Years Ago Today

One of the most ground-breaking, amazing albums ever was released.

The group encouraged us to break the rules. [...] It was implanted when we started 'Revolver' that every instrument should sound unlike itself: a piano shouldn't sound like a piano, a guitar shouldn't sound like a guitar. There were lots of things I wanted to try, we were listening to American records and they sounded so different, the engineers [at Abbey Road] had been using the same [methods] for years and years.

—Geoff Emerick, The Beatles: 10 Years That Shook The World, Mojo , 2004

Officecow Memories!

hey, when u gotta go ya gotta go, right? #firsttime #cantbesobad pic.twitter.com/igr5rhdNUI

— #officecow (@_officecow) July 18, 2014

OHMYGODGETMEOUTOFHERE!!!!!!!!! #cantbreathe #whatiswrongwithyoupeople #changeyourbutcher pic.twitter.com/p6SnJ5Cb8l

— #officecow (@_officecow) July 18, 2014

Keith Richards May Be a Fucking Idiot

Keef, who for some reason felt the need to release a solo album recently, had some not-so-nice things to say about his superiors:

“The Beatles sounded great when they were the Beatles. But there’s not a lot of roots in that music,” he continued. “I think they got carried away. Why not? If you’re the Beatles in the ’60s, you just get carried away—you forget what it is you wanted to do. You’re starting to do Sgt. Pepper. Some people think it’s a genius album, but I think it’s a mishmash of rubbish, kind of like Satanic Majesties—”Oh, if you can make a load of shit, so can we.”

He is, of course, out of his goddam mind.

"The Moon." Trippy.

Buzz Aldrin's travel expenses for a little trip he took in 1969.

#TBT My mission director @Buzzs_xtina's favorite piece of my memorabilia. My travel voucher to the moon. #Apollo11 pic.twitter.com/c89UyOfvgY

— Buzz Aldrin (@TheRealBuzz) July 30, 2015

Williamsburg Rats: By the Numbers

Buy it HERE!  Please!!!!!!!

2013 Memories

One Direction Is My Favorite Band in the World with Karli  :)

1st 10 Minutes of Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp Review

Hahaha I LOVE that Michael Showalter has put on like 100 lbs and  OMG IT'S ROGER STERLING!!! ROGER STERLING IS IN THIS NOW OMG!!!!!