Garfield To the Rescue
There is nothing about this strip that makes any fucking sense.
1) Why is the plate upside down?
2) Jon Arbuckle lives in the Midwest, and yet he hasn't dumped a bunch of fucking ketchup on his hot dog?
3) Who the fuck bites into the middle of a hot dog like that? Is this because he apparently closes his eyes when he's about to bite into food? How many times does this dumb motherfucker accidentally bite his own hand?
4) Did Jim Davis chuckle like a 12 year-old when he got away with "who greased my wiener"?
5) Why would a cat who is used to eating lasagna and is repulsed at the thought of eating a mouse be so excited to eat a hot dog that's been "greased"? Wtf?
6) If Garfield had access to the hot dog to cover it in grease, why didn't he just eat the fucking thing then?
Jesus. My mind is spinning.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Life Lessons
Via Andrew Sullivan I learned about this dating site for fans of Ayn Rand.
Laughing at the thought of such a site I couldn't help think what do
you talk about after the initial "I love Ayn Rand!" intro wears out? Or
when you realize you're both eunuchs whose best friends are flowers and
whispers?
But then I realized you know what, who am I to talk? Am I not a lifetime member of The Garfsphere: Connecting Admirers of Garfield Weighs In and Garfield at Large (fans of Garfield Eats His Heart Out need not apply, btw)? So maybe I can get off my high horse a little bit here. Or, as my new friends over at The Shitsphere: Connecting Admirers of The Best of German Scat Porn, Volumes I-XII would say, "Judge not, lest you be judged, that's not chocolate."
It's called live and let live, people.
But then I realized you know what, who am I to talk? Am I not a lifetime member of The Garfsphere: Connecting Admirers of Garfield Weighs In and Garfield at Large (fans of Garfield Eats His Heart Out need not apply, btw)? So maybe I can get off my high horse a little bit here. Or, as my new friends over at The Shitsphere: Connecting Admirers of The Best of German Scat Porn, Volumes I-XII would say, "Judge not, lest you be judged, that's not chocolate."
It's called live and let live, people.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Barry Minus Barry
People are giving Clint Eastwood shit for his scolding Obama via an
empty chair routine, but I think they're being too hard on him.
Obviously, it was an homage to the Garfield Minus Garfield meme. I mean, lighten up people! It's called art!
Obviously, it was an homage to the Garfield Minus Garfield meme. I mean, lighten up people! It's called art!
Sunday, July 01, 2012
Charles Get-Out
CBS This Morning
notes tomorrow will be the 131st anniversary of my favorite
presidential assassin, the rejected-even-by-a-free-love-society Charles
Guiteau, doing his thing, and proclaims Guiteau to be have been right
when he said that he didn't kill Garfield, the stupid doctors who poked
at his wound with their filthy mitts did.
The shot in the back was not fatal, not hitting any vital organs. The bullet lodged behind the pancreas.
"If they had just left him alone he almost certainly would have survived," Millard said.
Within minutes, doctors converged on the fallen president, using their fingers to poke and prod his open wounds.
"Twelve different doctors inserted unsterilized fingers and instruments in Garfield's back probing for this bullet," Millard recounted, "and the first examination took place on the train station floor. I mean, you can't imagine a more germ-infested environment."WHERE'S GUITEAU'S COMEDY MOVIE BLOCKBUSTER??!!?!?!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Today's Garfield
After the last post I needed some cheering up - Garfield to the rescue! Back to my cold, unfeeling heart! Shew.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Today's Garfield
The genius of Garfield was always in those eyelids-half-closed looks
he'd give the reader, which reminds me if the scene-stealing looks of my boy from Freezing.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Someone Still Needs to Explain To Me...
...why a movie hasn't been made about our greatest presidential assassin, Charles Guiteau:
Guiteau became something of a media darling during his entire trial for his bizarre behavior, including constantly cursing and badmouthing the judge, witnesses, and even his defense team, formatting his testimony in epic poems which he recited at length, and soliciting legal advice from random spectators in the audience via passed notes. He dictated an autobiography to the New York Herald, ending it with a personal ad for a nice Christian lady under thirty. He was blissfully oblivious to the American public's outrage and hatred of him, even after he was almost assassinated twice himself. At one point, he argued before Judge Cox that Garfield was killed not by himself but by medical malpractice, which was more than a little true ("The doctors killed Garfield, I just shot him").And all this happening because of a sex cult should mean great ratings:
First of all, he left the Oneida Community because, even in a group sex community, he couldn't get laid.
Postmenopausal women were encouraged to introduce teenage males to sex, providing both with legitimate partners that rarely resulted in pregnancies. Furthermore, these women became religious role models for the young men. Likewise, older men often introduced young women to sex. Noyes often used his own judgment in determining the partnerships which would form and would often encourage relationships between the non-devout and the devout in the community, in the hopes that the attitudes and behaviors of the devout would influence the non-devout. And when it came to enjoying Oneidas loose sexual morality, Guiteau repelled more women than he attracted. Indeed, in the several years he was living at Oneida, Guiteau would later testify that he had remained strictly virtuous
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wall Street Protests
Friday, February 04, 2011
Books in 2011
Yglesias:
(Incidentally, I’m trying to read more books and write more about them in part because I think the blogosphere has too many people reading and reacting to the same stuff on the Internet)That's a good idea, and I pledge to do the same; starting Monday, I will post my thoughts on the run in Garfield Eats His Heart Out (the best of the early series of Garfield collections, duh) when our hero stows away in Jon's suitcase and accompanies him to the Caribbean (drinks shaving cream!!!!)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Standing Up
GARFIELD's Jim Davis has found himself apologizing to anybody who will listen for his poorly-timed comic strip on Veteran's Day.
The piling-on has been a self-righteous deluge of indignation, and from
the bowels of this great country we can hear the faint whisper: who
will stand up for America's most beloved lasagna-loving, spider-hating,
Monday-hating, obese orange cat?
ME, that's who! Fuck you people, Garfield's AWESOME!
ME, that's who! Fuck you people, Garfield's AWESOME!
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Must Say.
When I was a kid, my favorite Garfield collection was his sixth (probably the last one I read, it coming out in 1983), Garfield Eats His Heart Out, which also included his diet tips.
- 1. Never go back for seconds--get it all the first time.
- 2. Set your scales back five pounds.
- 3. Never accept a candygram.
- 4. Don't date Sara Lee.
- 5. Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest corrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
- 6. Never start a diet cold turkey (maybe cold roast beef, cold lasagna...).
- 7.Try to cut back. Leave the cherry off your sundae.
- 8. Hang around people fatter than you.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Fox News: Blowing Our Minds Again.
Fox News is getting a lot of shit for apparently editing out the audience applause durung Obama's West Point speech.
Hey, get over it - maybe Fox wanted the viewers to really, really be able to hear what Obama was saying. Which, I guess, is mostly "I like staring and blinking without saying any words during my speeches." But whatever.
IM guessing Fox has taken the lead from the guy putting together those videos of the Big Bang Theory without a laugh track and is forcing America to face itself in an existential quest to exist as an existential frame of itself. Instead of bashing Fox News, we should be thanking it for forcing us to turn our brains on and asking OURSELVES the hard questions, and not just getting them from "President" Obama.
An even better example? Garfield minus Garfield, of course. This is high concept shit people. If it's too "real" for you, then turn back over and watch Keith Olbermann and Anderson Cooper jerking each other off, whatthefuckever.
Hey, get over it - maybe Fox wanted the viewers to really, really be able to hear what Obama was saying. Which, I guess, is mostly "I like staring and blinking without saying any words during my speeches." But whatever.
IM guessing Fox has taken the lead from the guy putting together those videos of the Big Bang Theory without a laugh track and is forcing America to face itself in an existential quest to exist as an existential frame of itself. Instead of bashing Fox News, we should be thanking it for forcing us to turn our brains on and asking OURSELVES the hard questions, and not just getting them from "President" Obama.
An even better example? Garfield minus Garfield, of course. This is high concept shit people. If it's too "real" for you, then turn back over and watch Keith Olbermann and Anderson Cooper jerking each other off, whatthefuckever.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Today's Garfield
I've always loved those looks into the camera that Garfield does here;
Jim Halpert before he became "co-manager," ie "not funny."
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Today's Garfield (Dedicated to Fellow Garfield Lover, Cindy Softball)
Poetry readings, sharks and chicken mcnuggets*, oh my!
* actually falafel
* actually falafel
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Yale, Plus Funny Garfield Book Title
A coupla weeks ago I read Areopagitica and was considering finally reading Paradise Lost, which I would’ve read in pretend college had my professor not decided on Garfield Scratches His Balls, Gets the Ick instead. And now, thanks to the UG, it looks like I can fucking study it HERE...seems like the greatest book club in the world, led by a fucking Yale professor. Unreal.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Blogging
One interesting thing about having a blog is the number of friends who
go out of their way to tell you they don’t read your blog.
Hmmm...oooooookay. Congratulations, I guess. On one hand I don’t care,
as friends I actually know are a tiny fraction of my “readership.” On
the other hand, I guess I'm supposed to believe your life is SO chock
full of meaningful intellectual discourse/becoming a better citizen that
you can't take 5 minutes out of your amazing day to see what somebody
you care enough to be a friend to has to say at any given moment. Oh,
that's not you reading Garfield Minus Garfield, or Stuff White People Like at all, is it? Nah. You're better than that. Obviously. And thanks for letting me know!
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