Tuesday, June 30, 2020
RIP Carl Reiner
Sunday, June 28, 2020
Graham Linehan
I’ve always LOVED his shows Father Ted, The IT Crowd, Black Books and Count Arthur Strong, classics all. And I was absolutely thrilled when he responded to something I asked him on Twitter. But I stopped following him about a year ago because all he was posting was about transgender stuff. As an Irish comedy writing legend I wanted him to talk about Irish comedy things, but he wasn’t, so I just stopped following him. Not because I agreed or disagreed with what he was saying, I really didn’t understand what he was going on about. I still don’t, it’s a subject I’m not really interested in other than I just want everybody to be happy. But it is a bummer that he’s now been booted off Twitter, although as a super fanboy I can’t help but think, “heeeey, maybe some front page attention on CNN will get more Americans to check out his shows...”
Saturday, June 27, 2020
Dougie
Upon checking in & seeing investors were being rather bullish on Proctor & Gamble, Dougie instantly knew that morning’s puréed bananas & peas would have the bitter taste of disappointment.
Friday, June 26, 2020
Well,
Basketball Blunders
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Did that scout immediately get fired? How the fuck had he not noticed Patrick Ewing in the game before while checking out the other kid?
Then today I was flipping through the kinda-dumb-but-perfect-for-bathroom-reading Larry Bird autobiography, Drive, and it turns out that right before his senior year the head coach quit. And it's not like he had to because he was moving or anything, he stayed at the school as a teacher. How much of an idiot is this guy? You've got Larry freakin' Bird playing a bunch of kids in the sticks and you jump off that train instead of putting your tootsies up on the bench, saying "go get 'em, Lar!" and being hailed as a genius?
Wtf. People, amirite?
The Office Thoughts. I Have Them.
I never understood why The Office always did a "hey, what'd everybody do for the summer?" thing to their first episodes of seasons. I realize that's how tv seasons are set up, but I mean they're not at school - do documentary teams really take summers off? Why would they even feel the need to address such a thing? Whack, dawg!
They Got Me Again
1) Damn, Miss Xmastime - lookit those chompers! Nom nom!
2) Oooooh, AND she's French!
3) Let's check her out on Wikipedia...
3) ...goddammit. It's a dude.
Some Epstein Bullshit
I was looking for something, don't worry your pretty little heads about what, when I saw this post about how great Paul McCartney was during The Beatles, and this gnaws at me:
Grrr.
6. Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was McCartney’s idea. In fact, most everything the band did post-Epstein’s death in ’66 was driven by him. We have McCartney to thank for their entire post-66 catalogue.It's true that everything from pretty much Revolver on was driven by McCartney, but why the mention of Brian Epstein in this manner? He was a great manager - he got them to "clean up" and wear suits, got them a record contract and booked all their tours etc (and cost them millions in merchandising by being an idiot) - but he had ZERO input creatively. The one time he matter-of-factly commented on something during a recording session (which he was usually never invited to) John Lennon famously snapped at him to "stick with looking after the money, we'll worry about the music."
Grrr.
 |
| "I said, shut the fuck up, Brian." |
Father Ted > Will Ferrell
Apparently Will Ferrell has mailed in another Will Ferrell movie, this time about the Eurovision Song Contest.
I highly recommend skipping this presumably warm turd and instead watching one of the best episodes of the immortal Father Ted, titled A Song for Europe, which features Father Ted and Dougal entering the 1996 Eurosong Contest with their instant classic, My Lovely Horse. :)
I highly recommend skipping this presumably warm turd and instead watching one of the best episodes of the immortal Father Ted, titled A Song for Europe, which features Father Ted and Dougal entering the 1996 Eurosong Contest with their instant classic, My Lovely Horse. :)
Book Recommendation of the Week
HAPPY 46TH BIRTHDAY
To the Captain. I've blathered about Jeter for a million posts, see them all HERE. But this is one of my favorites:
One surprising thing about Derek Jeter is that while he didn't say too much, he was actually pretty funny sometimes. Like when they dedicated Steinbrenner's monument:
Derek Jeter’s take on Steinbrenner’s monument:
“It was big,” Jeter said. “The biggest one out there.”
Some nice words from the King of Baseball himself, Tim Kurkjian:Would Steinbrenner have liked that idea?“It probably was his idea.”
Jeter was all about winning. In his 20 years with the Yankees, they were 515 games over .500 in games that he played: Lou Gehrig (501) is the only other position player 500 games over .500. In Jeter's 20 years, there were only five games that he played in which the Yankees were mathematically out of postseason contention when the game started. Four of those were in 2014, his final season. In the final home game, Jeter won it with a walk-off single.And of course the greatest walk-off of all time.
Viva Rob Lowe
...his death is somehow my own JFK moment - I can still feel myself lolling on my bed that summer day, facing the wall on my left and reading Ball Four when the announcement came on the radio. - XMASTIME
Like everybody else, I've always liked Rob Lowe. And now that he has a podcast and therefore is going around on everyone else's podcasts, I like him even more. But I like him the most now that he, as an uber-Lakers fan, said he remembers exactly where he was when he heard about Len Bias dying. Same as me remembering exactly where I was when when Magic announced he had HIV. And that, people, is where the comparisons between me and Rob Lowe probably end.
Thursday, June 25, 2020
I Will Say This...
...one thing the internet has taught us via old NFL video clips is that approximately 83% of catches made during the 1970s would be declared a non-catch today.
Wednesday, June 24, 2020
My Tax Lecture for the Day Since I Am an Expert
"Inherited economic power is as inconsistent with the ideals of this
generation as inherited political power was inconsistent with the ideals
of the generation which established our government." - Franklin Darius Rucker Roosevelt
Just last week I asked this beautifully thought-out question:
Just last week I asked this beautifully thought-out question:
Why do Republicans fight so vigorously against the "death" tax? Being such noble believers of the bootstraps strategy, why would they insist on giving their children a handout?Today we see where the astonishing amount of inherited wealth comes from:
Roughly 40 percent of all household wealth stems from inheritances. This means that 40 percent of why some Americans are extraordinarily well off has nothing to do with smarts, hard work, frugality, lucky gambles or entrepreneurial ingenuity. It is simply because they were born to rich parents.
The article goes on to remark how little in taxes these people end up having to pay, which is a stain on our country when you read this:
If an inheritance tax exempted the first $1 million received over one’s lifetime and applied the highest income and payroll tax rates to amounts above that threshold, it would raise $790 billion over the next decade. Under this type of plan, only 0.08 percent of households would owe the tax each year. The revenue could be used to invest in children who aren’t lucky enough to inherit millions, whether through universal pre-K, paid parental leave or a fully refundable child tax credit.
As I wrote almost a decade ago, nobody's willing to admit they were born into luck and be okay with giving juuuuust a little back to help others not so lucky. And of course their greatest ally is the US government. It's a shame.
Mike and the Macca Dog
Since Mike and the Mad Dog broke up in 2008, Mike Francesa has been insufferable to listen to (YES, you may read my non-award-winning blog post on them from 2007, knock yourself out.) Without Dog's lightness and infectious energy, Francesa's gruff curmudgeon act just comes off grouchy and dismissive.
By far, the most interesting thing he's talked about in years came last week when he talked about meeting Paul McCartney, which has had callers calling in for days about their own connections with McCartney. A main point Francesa brings up over and over the past week is how "normal" McCartney is, particularly that he doesn't travel with an entourage, drives himself around and, most surprisingly, doesn't have security. What Francesa doesn't point out about the last part is not just that his band-mate John Lennon was assassinated and McCartney still felt fine walking around like anybody else but that there was also an assassination attempt on George Harrison!! that still didn't change the way Paul comported himself. Truly amazing.
By far, the most interesting thing he's talked about in years came last week when he talked about meeting Paul McCartney, which has had callers calling in for days about their own connections with McCartney. A main point Francesa brings up over and over the past week is how "normal" McCartney is, particularly that he doesn't travel with an entourage, drives himself around and, most surprisingly, doesn't have security. What Francesa doesn't point out about the last part is not just that his band-mate John Lennon was assassinated and McCartney still felt fine walking around like anybody else but that there was also an assassination attempt on George Harrison!! that still didn't change the way Paul comported himself. Truly amazing.
Mike Francesa
wished Paul McCartney a happy 78th birthday, and then he wasted no time
telling us that they once sat together at a Knicks
game.
BUT WAIT! It gets
better...
McCartney humbly requested a photo with
Mike, because his wife was a huge Mike and the Mad Dog fan. 👑 pic.twitter.com/o5S7NDjPPX
—
Funhouse (@BackAftaThis) June
19, 2020
Thoughts. I Have Them.
According to Trump, if doctors stopped checking pulses then nobody would die. Brilliant.
Dying
Hypocrites & Bullshits
Yeah. I love how now we’re all pretending that whenever we’ve ever looked at a box/bottle with Aunt Jemima on it we were like, “hey wow, is that the famous ex-slave Nancy Green???!!”
Couple/Few = Head Exploding
A while back I was babysitting for a friend of mine and as he was leaving, I asked how long he'd be gone.
Him: A couple of hours.
Me: A couple of hours what does that mean?
Him: You know, a couple.
Me: Yeah but what time exactly?
He gets frustrated.
Him: A couple! A couple is 3, a few is 2!
Me: Then why didn't you just say 3 hours??!!
Same thing happened last night when I was listening to Mike Francesa talk about Mickey Mantle's stats during a doubleheader some 50+ years ago, I don't remember what year. He's reading the box score, and it's:
"4 for 5, one homer...a coupla rbis..."
"A couple"? You're reading the box score! There is LITERALLY a number showing EXACTLY how many rbis he had!!!!!! (head explodes)
Him: A couple of hours.
Me: A couple of hours what does that mean?
Him: You know, a couple.
Me: Yeah but what time exactly?
He gets frustrated.
Him: A couple! A couple is 3, a few is 2!
Me: Then why didn't you just say 3 hours??!!
Same thing happened last night when I was listening to Mike Francesa talk about Mickey Mantle's stats during a doubleheader some 50+ years ago, I don't remember what year. He's reading the box score, and it's:
"4 for 5, one homer...a coupla rbis..."
"A couple"? You're reading the box score! There is LITERALLY a number showing EXACTLY how many rbis he had!!!!!! (head explodes)
Tuesday, June 23, 2020
Uncle Albert II
Earlier today I posted about Buster Merryfield dying 21 years ago today. Two years later the first Only Fools and Horses episode since his death was aired, and it dealt with Albert's death in the perfect John Sullivan way: with a brilliant twist at the end.
UPDATE: I've screamed about this before WHY DO PEOPLE PUT THE GODDAM PUNCHLINE IN THE TITLE OF THE VIDEO?!??!?!?!?!! Grrr.
UPDATE: I've screamed about this before WHY DO PEOPLE PUT THE GODDAM PUNCHLINE IN THE TITLE OF THE VIDEO?!??!?!?!?!! Grrr.
Hmm. Good Question, Moi!
Are the people refusing to wear masks also refusing to wear seat belts? After all, I'd hate for them to fall for liberal elite's trying to make them look like wusses by basically riding around strapped in like a baby. 🤔
Questions. I Have Them.
Is that moment you begin to think that Phyllis & Bob Vance had the best relationship on The Office a sign of getting old?
Uncle Albert
The world lost Buster Merryfield 21 years ago today. After working 40 years at a bank he got interested in acting and somehow found himself part of the cast of Only Fools and Horses with the unenviable task of having to follow in Grandad's steps in the Trotter's flat, which he did wonderfully for over a decade.
While THIS is his funniest scenes, an all-time OFAH classic, here's a clip from his first episode, after Grandad's funeral when Del tries to return him home and realizes the pattern of family members ditching Albert when they grew weary of him - one thing that Del and Rodney never did.
While THIS is his funniest scenes, an all-time OFAH classic, here's a clip from his first episode, after Grandad's funeral when Del tries to return him home and realizes the pattern of family members ditching Albert when they grew weary of him - one thing that Del and Rodney never did.
Monday, June 22, 2020
OFAH du Jour
To Hull and Back has never been one of my favorites, but it was the episode that led to way to John Sullivan being able to expand the scripts from 30 to 50 minutes (and much longer for the Christmas specials). Nice little video of Sir David Jason saying just that.
State du Moi
Just watched my nephew eat fried chicken with a spoon and for the first time in my life I truly DO believe anything is possible.
Dafuck du Jour
Here's footage showing the moment a nuclear bomb was detonated thousands of feet
below the surface in order to extinguish a fire in a natural gas field
in the former Soviet Union. Fascinating. Via HERE:
In December 1963, while drilling gas Well No. 11 in the Urta-Bulak gas field in Southern Uzbekistan about 80 km southeast of Bukhara, control of the well was lost at a depth of 2450 m. This resulted in the loss of more than 12 million m3 of gas per day through an 8-inch casing, enough gas to supply the needs of a large city. Formation pressures were about 270-300 atmospheres.
Over the next three years, many attempts were made using a variety of techniques to cap the well at the surface or to reduce the flow and extinguish the flames.
Finally, in the fall of 1966, a decision was made to attempt closing the well with the use of a nuclear explosive. It was believed that a nuclear explosion would squeeze close any hole located within 25-50 m of the explosion, depending on the yield. Two 13 1/2 inches deviated wells were drilled simultaneously.
They were aimed to come as close as possible to Hole No. 11 at a depth of about 1,500 m in a 200 meter-thick clay zone. This depth was considered sufficient to contain the 300-atmosphere pressure in the gas formation below. The location for the explosive in the selected relief well was cooled to bring it down to a temperature the explosive could withstand. A special 30-kt nuclear explosive developed by the Arzamas nuclear weapons laboratory for this event was ran in hole and stemmed. It was detonated on September 30, 1966.
Twenty-three seconds later the flame went out, and the well was sealed.
Dirt Bowlin'
Speaking of The Chinn Dome below, and you surely are, I just now learned about the Dirt Bowl in Louisville, a famous tournament that's been going on since 1969:
Over the years the Dirt Bowl has hosted high school, college and professional players – the likes of Darrell Griffith, Dallas Thornton, Ron King, Butch Beard and Gerald Gray. Basketball legends from Louisville's backyard and across the region combined for a must-see spectacle that retained a casual, homey feel.
"Back then there was a lot of turmoil with housing, busing and different kinds of riots, and there was a lot of unrest," Watkins said. "It was a time when people needed each other. They needed something they could hold onto, get their families involved in and have kids try to make a better life for themselves through sports. What better way than through basketball?"
"Now it's just tradition that keeps people coming back," King said. "Everybody got memories, like when Griff dunked on Artis Gilmore. Almost everybody can tell you where they was. I know where I was sitting at the time. People playing now want to be a part of that legacy. ... You want to tell your kids when you grow up, 'I played in the Dirt Bowl.'"
"Goddammit can somebody keep Xmastime from playing above the damn rim??!!"
Birfday Time!
Celebrate my buddy Michael's birthday by settling in and reading all about the most legendary of basketball arenas: The Chinn Dome.
Found an old picture of kids watching us throw down on any random weekday night. Truly was an honor just to be on the court!
Found an old picture of kids watching us throw down on any random weekday night. Truly was an honor just to be on the court!
Ivan Meets GI Joe - I Mean, Jack White
Growing up as a kid who worshiped at the altar of CBGB's I of course loved The Voidoid's big "hit", Blank Generation. And after moving to Brooklyn in 1998 I was lucky enough to become friends with Ivan Julian, who played guitar in the Voidoids. I haven't seen him since I left Brooklyn, but have exchanged a few emails and still consider him a friend I hope to see again someday. The past coupla years have been tough on him, as he was hit with a bout of cancer, but thankfully, it looks like the worst is behind him (fingers crossed.)
Meanwhile, Jack White's band the Raconteurs were recently in New York at the iconic studio The Voidoids' classic was recorded back in 1977, Electric Lady Studios recording a cover of Blank Generation, and they called up Ivan to come talk about the song and the guitar parts he wrote & played. In the doc below, Ivan first comes in just after the 9:00 mark. It's a thrill to see him get some of the recognition he deserves, and to see how thrilled they were to see him there.
I'm filing all of this under "when good things happen to good people". :)
Meanwhile, Jack White's band the Raconteurs were recently in New York at the iconic studio The Voidoids' classic was recorded back in 1977, Electric Lady Studios recording a cover of Blank Generation, and they called up Ivan to come talk about the song and the guitar parts he wrote & played. In the doc below, Ivan first comes in just after the 9:00 mark. It's a thrill to see him get some of the recognition he deserves, and to see how thrilled they were to see him there.
I'm filing all of this under "when good things happen to good people". :)
I Am, I Am, I Am Superman
Nice to see Mike Mills, who I've long considered to be R.E.M.'s master supersecret weapon, getting some love:
The article's actually about his lifetime of being a sports fan, and obviously a huge Atlanta Braves fan. Here he is with The Baseball Project (who got the Xmastime treatment all the way back in 2008, albeit with Pete Buck instead of Mike Mills in the lineup) singing a song he wrote to get Dale Murphy into the Hall of Fame, and I give him bonus points for sticking it to Sosa & McGwire.
What the amiable Mills had was remarkable versatility and skill. He was the band’s bassist and played with a distinctly melodic style. He was also R.E.M.’s accomplished pianist — go back and listen to “Nightswimming” — and keyboard player; its background and occasional lead vocalist — that’s him on “Near Wild Heaven,” “Texarkana” and “Superman” — and a damn good songwriter, guitarist and percussion player whenever the need arose.They left off the best one, his amazing backups throughout the band's career.
The article's actually about his lifetime of being a sports fan, and obviously a huge Atlanta Braves fan. Here he is with The Baseball Project (who got the Xmastime treatment all the way back in 2008, albeit with Pete Buck instead of Mike Mills in the lineup) singing a song he wrote to get Dale Murphy into the Hall of Fame, and I give him bonus points for sticking it to Sosa & McGwire.
Friday, June 19, 2020
OFAH du Jour
Obviously this is one of the most hilarious, iconic scenes in BBC history, but I actually find the followup scene, when they make it to the fancy dress party and - okay, no spoilers. Maybe I'll try to find that one...
Thoughts. I Have Them.
So Trump's risking the lives of his supporters and threatening violence upon protesters for a rally in a state that would vote for a toaster if it was the Republican candidate? Sure, why not.
5 Years Ago Today
Derek Jeter famously hit a home run for his 3,000th hit, but I for one had totally forgotten that A-Rod did the same, on June 19, 2015. A few years earlier, I'd written this:
aaaaaand here's A-Rod's big moment...which nobody really remembers. :/
It'll be interesting to see how Yankee fans handle A-Rod's chase for 3,000 hits; he's only 238 away, meaning it could come as soon as the end of next season-ish. Obviously Jeter is venerated in a unique way, and our celebrating his approaching milestone is also a way to bask in the 5 championships he helped bring the Yankees. Meanwhile, a lot of people hate A-Rod forThere's just something about remembering Jeter's every moment, and this might be why:not being Derek Jeterflying jets into the World Trade Center, so I wonder if it will be somewhat muted. Fans are possessive of Jeter's greatness, and tend to get agitated whenever A-Rod slides into the picture. It also doesn't help that Jeter will be only the 10th player to get all 3,000 with one team, while A-Rod was in Seattle and Texas before joining the Yankees in 2004. I'm also surprised A-Rod only has 300 more strikeouts than Jeter, which is less than 20/year. Seems like a classic home run hitter would have way more than a singles slapper. Also, that Kim Kardashian has some nice titties, doesn't she?
It’s hard to compare Saturday to a playoff game, and it might not be fair to compare it to a World Series clincher, but I can’t imagine forgetting a single thing about Jeter’s 3,000th. It wasn’t just the home run, it was everything that surrounded it. This was Jeter’s career played out in five at-bats. It was his talent and his legacy and his sense of the moment. A lot of people end up at the right place at the right time, but how many know exactly what to do when they get there? The fact that he admitted to his own vulnerability afterward made it all the more impressive.
For one afternoon, Jeter reminded everyone that he is, in fact, one of the greatest players any of us has ever seen. And I’ll never forget it.
“I just can think of only one person who can have a kind of day like today, at home” Alex Rodriguez said. “It’s Derek Jeter.”BTW that post is worth revisiting solely for this:
Here's a picture of Russell Martin fucking the top of the dugout fence.
aaaaaand here's A-Rod's big moment...which nobody really remembers. :/
June 19, 2015:
A-Rod goes deep to join the 3,000 hit club in style. pic.twitter.com/25YpDCa7nU
—
New York Yankees (@Yankees) June
19, 2020
Prognosis: Negative!
One of the more memorable "George being George" scenes on Seinfeld was when he called to get the results for his cancer tests:
Scene cuts to George on the phone with his doctorTen years earlier on Only Fools and Horses, Del Boy went through the same thing:
GEORGE: This is George Costanza, I'm calling for my test results. Negative? Oh, my God. WHY! WHY! WHY? What? What? Negative is good? Oh, yes of course! How stupid of me. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Del lifts his results card from the envelope. He studies it. And then with a horrified expression looks to Rodney and Grandad.I seriously doubt Jerry Seinfeld or Larry David had ever watched Only Fools and Horses, so this must be one of those comedy tropes that just come up to writers. I wonder what other shows this one has appeared in, and what other common tropes are there? (Furrowing brow in thought, looking away in the distance. Dog barks.)
Grandad: What - what's it say Del?
Del can barely raise his voice above a whisper as he replies.
Del: It says - it says, result of test...negative!
Rodney and Grandad are left stunned by this news. Rodney now reacts.
Rodney: Negative?
Del: Yeah!
Rodney: Well that means all clear you plonker!
Here Come the Waterworks
"I wish there was a way to know you're in 'the good old days', before you've actually left them." - Andy Bernard
Two-hour table read for the final episode of The Office. Obviously was difficult to get through, although hilarious that Rainn Wilson is actually dressed up as Dwight.
Two-hour table read for the final episode of The Office. Obviously was difficult to get through, although hilarious that Rainn Wilson is actually dressed up as Dwight.
Still Garfield
Speaking of Garfield, this strip still drives me bananas.
I'm
all for people protesting. And I'm with them in spirit and prolly
agree with everything they're saying if I'd bother to find out between
readings of Garfield at Large and Garfield Fucks Like a Pig,
but I can't say I'm optimistic of them achieving anything. The
president and Congress can't do anything to control Wall Street, so I
can't imagine a buncha wanna-be hippies will. But hey, godspeed - I'll
cheer you on while watching you on my 105-inch flatscreen!
Garfield To the Rescue
There is nothing about this strip that makes any fucking sense.
1) Why is the plate upside down?
2) Jon Arbuckle lives in the Midwest, and yet he hasn't dumped a bunch of fucking ketchup on his hot dog?
3) Who the fuck bites into the middle of a hot dog like that? Is this because he apparently closes his eyes when he's about to bite into food? How many times does this dumb motherfucker accidentally bite his own hand?
4) Did Jim Davis chuckle like a 12 year-old when he got away with "who greased my wiener"?
5) Why would a cat who is used to eating lasagna and is repulsed at the thought of eating a mouse be so excited to eat a hot dog that's been "greased"? Wtf?
6) If Garfield had access to the hot dog to cover it in grease, why didn't he just eat the fucking thing then?
Jesus. My mind is spinning.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Life Lessons
Via Andrew Sullivan I learned about this dating site for fans of Ayn Rand.
Laughing at the thought of such a site I couldn't help think what do
you talk about after the initial "I love Ayn Rand!" intro wears out? Or
when you realize you're both eunuchs whose best friends are flowers and
whispers?
But then I realized you know what, who am I to talk? Am I not a lifetime member of The Garfsphere: Connecting Admirers of Garfield Weighs In and Garfield at Large (fans of Garfield Eats His Heart Out need not apply, btw)? So maybe I can get off my high horse a little bit here. Or, as my new friends over at The Shitsphere: Connecting Admirers of The Best of German Scat Porn, Volumes I-XII would say, "Judge not, lest you be judged, that's not chocolate."
It's called live and let live, people.
But then I realized you know what, who am I to talk? Am I not a lifetime member of The Garfsphere: Connecting Admirers of Garfield Weighs In and Garfield at Large (fans of Garfield Eats His Heart Out need not apply, btw)? So maybe I can get off my high horse a little bit here. Or, as my new friends over at The Shitsphere: Connecting Admirers of The Best of German Scat Porn, Volumes I-XII would say, "Judge not, lest you be judged, that's not chocolate."
It's called live and let live, people.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Barry Minus Barry
People are giving Clint Eastwood shit for his scolding Obama via an
empty chair routine, but I think they're being too hard on him.
Obviously, it was an homage to the Garfield Minus Garfield meme. I mean, lighten up people! It's called art!
Obviously, it was an homage to the Garfield Minus Garfield meme. I mean, lighten up people! It's called art!
Sunday, July 01, 2012
Charles Get-Out
CBS This Morning
notes tomorrow will be the 131st anniversary of my favorite
presidential assassin, the rejected-even-by-a-free-love-society Charles
Guiteau, doing his thing, and proclaims Guiteau to be have been right
when he said that he didn't kill Garfield, the stupid doctors who poked
at his wound with their filthy mitts did.
The shot in the back was not fatal, not hitting any vital organs. The bullet lodged behind the pancreas.
"If they had just left him alone he almost certainly would have survived," Millard said.
Within minutes, doctors converged on the fallen president, using their fingers to poke and prod his open wounds.
"Twelve different doctors inserted unsterilized fingers and instruments in Garfield's back probing for this bullet," Millard recounted, "and the first examination took place on the train station floor. I mean, you can't imagine a more germ-infested environment."WHERE'S GUITEAU'S COMEDY MOVIE BLOCKBUSTER??!!?!?!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Today's Garfield
After the last post I needed some cheering up - Garfield to the rescue! Back to my cold, unfeeling heart! Shew.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Today's Garfield
The genius of Garfield was always in those eyelids-half-closed looks
he'd give the reader, which reminds me if the scene-stealing looks of my boy from Freezing.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Someone Still Needs to Explain To Me...
...why a movie hasn't been made about our greatest presidential assassin, Charles Guiteau:
Guiteau became something of a media darling during his entire trial for his bizarre behavior, including constantly cursing and badmouthing the judge, witnesses, and even his defense team, formatting his testimony in epic poems which he recited at length, and soliciting legal advice from random spectators in the audience via passed notes. He dictated an autobiography to the New York Herald, ending it with a personal ad for a nice Christian lady under thirty. He was blissfully oblivious to the American public's outrage and hatred of him, even after he was almost assassinated twice himself. At one point, he argued before Judge Cox that Garfield was killed not by himself but by medical malpractice, which was more than a little true ("The doctors killed Garfield, I just shot him").And all this happening because of a sex cult should mean great ratings:
First of all, he left the Oneida Community because, even in a group sex community, he couldn't get laid.
Postmenopausal women were encouraged to introduce teenage males to sex, providing both with legitimate partners that rarely resulted in pregnancies. Furthermore, these women became religious role models for the young men. Likewise, older men often introduced young women to sex. Noyes often used his own judgment in determining the partnerships which would form and would often encourage relationships between the non-devout and the devout in the community, in the hopes that the attitudes and behaviors of the devout would influence the non-devout. And when it came to enjoying Oneidas loose sexual morality, Guiteau repelled more women than he attracted. Indeed, in the several years he was living at Oneida, Guiteau would later testify that he had remained strictly virtuous
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wall Street Protests
Friday, February 04, 2011
Books in 2011
Yglesias:
(Incidentally, I’m trying to read more books and write more about them in part because I think the blogosphere has too many people reading and reacting to the same stuff on the Internet)That's a good idea, and I pledge to do the same; starting Monday, I will post my thoughts on the run in Garfield Eats His Heart Out (the best of the early series of Garfield collections, duh) when our hero stows away in Jon's suitcase and accompanies him to the Caribbean (drinks shaving cream!!!!)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Standing Up
GARFIELD's Jim Davis has found himself apologizing to anybody who will listen for his poorly-timed comic strip on Veteran's Day.
The piling-on has been a self-righteous deluge of indignation, and from
the bowels of this great country we can hear the faint whisper: who
will stand up for America's most beloved lasagna-loving, spider-hating,
Monday-hating, obese orange cat?
ME, that's who! Fuck you people, Garfield's AWESOME!
ME, that's who! Fuck you people, Garfield's AWESOME!
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Must Say.
When I was a kid, my favorite Garfield collection was his sixth (probably the last one I read, it coming out in 1983), Garfield Eats His Heart Out, which also included his diet tips.
- 1. Never go back for seconds--get it all the first time.
- 2. Set your scales back five pounds.
- 3. Never accept a candygram.
- 4. Don't date Sara Lee.
- 5. Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest corrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
- 6. Never start a diet cold turkey (maybe cold roast beef, cold lasagna...).
- 7.Try to cut back. Leave the cherry off your sundae.
- 8. Hang around people fatter than you.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Fox News: Blowing Our Minds Again.
Fox News is getting a lot of shit for apparently editing out the audience applause durung Obama's West Point speech.
Hey, get over it - maybe Fox wanted the viewers to really, really be able to hear what Obama was saying. Which, I guess, is mostly "I like staring and blinking without saying any words during my speeches." But whatever.
IM guessing Fox has taken the lead from the guy putting together those videos of the Big Bang Theory without a laugh track and is forcing America to face itself in an existential quest to exist as an existential frame of itself. Instead of bashing Fox News, we should be thanking it for forcing us to turn our brains on and asking OURSELVES the hard questions, and not just getting them from "President" Obama.
An even better example? Garfield minus Garfield, of course. This is high concept shit people. If it's too "real" for you, then turn back over and watch Keith Olbermann and Anderson Cooper jerking each other off, whatthefuckever.
Hey, get over it - maybe Fox wanted the viewers to really, really be able to hear what Obama was saying. Which, I guess, is mostly "I like staring and blinking without saying any words during my speeches." But whatever.
IM guessing Fox has taken the lead from the guy putting together those videos of the Big Bang Theory without a laugh track and is forcing America to face itself in an existential quest to exist as an existential frame of itself. Instead of bashing Fox News, we should be thanking it for forcing us to turn our brains on and asking OURSELVES the hard questions, and not just getting them from "President" Obama.
An even better example? Garfield minus Garfield, of course. This is high concept shit people. If it's too "real" for you, then turn back over and watch Keith Olbermann and Anderson Cooper jerking each other off, whatthefuckever.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Today's Garfield
I've always loved those looks into the camera that Garfield does here;
Jim Halpert before he became "co-manager," ie "not funny."
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Today's Garfield (Dedicated to Fellow Garfield Lover, Cindy Softball)
Poetry readings, sharks and chicken mcnuggets*, oh my!
* actually falafel
* actually falafel
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Yale, Plus Funny Garfield Book Title
A coupla weeks ago I read Areopagitica and was considering finally reading Paradise Lost, which I would’ve read in pretend college had my professor not decided on Garfield Scratches His Balls, Gets the Ick instead. And now, thanks to the UG, it looks like I can fucking study it HERE...seems like the greatest book club in the world, led by a fucking Yale professor. Unreal.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Blogging
One interesting thing about having a blog is the number of friends who
go out of their way to tell you they don’t read your blog.
Hmmm...oooooookay. Congratulations, I guess. On one hand I don’t care,
as friends I actually know are a tiny fraction of my “readership.” On
the other hand, I guess I'm supposed to believe your life is SO chock
full of meaningful intellectual discourse/becoming a better citizen that
you can't take 5 minutes out of your amazing day to see what somebody
you care enough to be a friend to has to say at any given moment. Oh,
that's not you reading Garfield Minus Garfield, or Stuff White People Like at all, is it? Nah. You're better than that. Obviously. And thanks for letting me know!
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