Ask Not What You Can Eat for Your Country

When I last checked in with Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution in Huntington, West Virginia, he was running into a brick wall, in particular a battle ax of a woman who seemed determined to batter him with lard and deep fry him in the roiling oil to serve to schoolchildren.

It turns out that once the cameras left town Oliver's "nemesis", Rhonda McCoy, pulled an about-face, and has done a pretty fucking stunning job in turning around kid's school lunches in what was the nation's fattest city:

Over the last two years, Rhonda McCoy—the school food service director who was portrayed on the show as an aloof bureaucrat more concerned with budgets and caloric counts than kids' health—has redeveloped recipes, held after-hours taste tests, sourced fresh and unprocessed ingredients at affordable prices, bought new equipment and trained school cooks. She also endured an unprecedented four regulatory audits to ensure that the new meals met federal nutritional and caloric standards. She passed. 

McCoy hasn't stopped there. This year, she introduced free meals for all low-income students and free meals for all students at one county elementary school. She also plans to introduce lower-sugar flavored milk, and to buy a projected 12,000 pounds of sweet potatoes for the district, grown by a county high school's vocational agriculture students. 

Now, deservedly, McCoy's county is a model in the state. Last spring, Dr. Jorea Marple, the state schools superintendent, visited Cabell County and decided that other districts need to follow its path. As a result, eight counties—most of which are in the poor, southern coal fields— this fall will introduce 100 percent from-scratch meals at breakfast and lunch – and provide them to all students, regardless of their family's income, free of charge.

Notwithstanding the fact that such a thing would make you-know-who shit herself with anger, it's too bad that both McCoy and Jamie Oliver aren't getting enough attention for this, particularly since on the very day this article comes out, a study informs us that by 2030 exactly half of all Americans not only will be fat, but obese.  And yes, you're right in asking "it's gonna take THAT long?"

Amidst all the faux-hysteria-meets-gridlock over the debt, or the deficit, or any of the endless wars we're fighting, it's hard to climb over our collective ennui and dream of something huge (bad timing with that word, I know) we can undertake as a country, and while it doesn't have the sexiness of "let's put a man on the moon by the end of the decade," a rallying cry of "let's NOT all be obese by 2030" to me sounds like an amazing thing to actually pull off, and people like Jamie Oliver and Rhonda McCoy should be seen as heroes for their efforts towards this goal.  Also, don't forget the Lunch Project! Healthier Americans mean more productive Americans, which means more Americans spending more and more $crillah.

Meep Meep, Qouth the Sully?

On one hand, you wanna scream at Obama for once again backing down to the GOP without a fight re: moving his speech so as to not overshadow with the GOP Presidential Debate.  On the other hand, surely Obama knows the more people hear these idiots speak in a public forum, the safer the chances are that he'll be re-elected, so.

Me. I'm Pretty Awesome.

It's hard to even fathom how insufferable I'd be if I was actually good-looking; earlier today I was strolling through Manhattan ("The City", as I call it) in a shirt & tie and all I could think of was "YOU, sir, have got it going on!"  Meanwhile, anyone seeing me would think they were looking at an ox sweating through a bedsheet.  But hey, Imma be me, h8rs!

I See the Level of Education at My Almost Matters Hasn't Changed Since I Was There

From a kid presently going to my old pretend college, The Harvard on the Appomattox.  Maybe my French professor was right.

Obama/Boehner

As for Boehner rejecting Obama's invitation for a joint session of Congress because there's a GOP debate scheduled for that same night, I think it's fair to wonder if Obama purposely chose that night to be petty and stick it to the Republicans.  But then someone has to explain to me why one of 7 debates, taking place 14 months away from the election and featuring candidates who will disappear in a few weeks reciting line after line of generic Obama sucks/Freedom's awesome bullet points everybody's heard before a million times already and will hear a million more times should take precedence over a major speech on a jobs plan, when it's jobs that the GOP is pretending to be pulling it's hair out in frustration about.  Camon.

Question.

Surely someone has shown up for a job interview and broken out some food, no?  SOMEone's pulled out a turkey hero and started eating it in the middle of an interview, right? Camon!

The 12 Most Annoying Types of College Students

List HERE.

I don't think I fit into any of those when I was in college, although I recognize a variation of the overly specific question guy from some continuing ed classes I've experienced over the years.  Grrrrrrrrr:

1) THE GUY THAT ASKS A THOUSAND QUESTIONS. We all know how these classes work – you gotta do them for your profession, to cross them off on your to-do list to keep whatever license current. So you show up, sign the attendance sheet and get the hell on with your life. Even the instructors are like “I will try to get you out of here early if we can cover the material.” Which means “I’ll stand here and talk for a few hours, and if you let me run through this garbage as quickly as possible without fucking bothering me we can leave in time for you to get home and rub one out to the Tyra Banks Show.” We all know this and respect it. But there’s always ONE jackass who wants to fucking ask question after question and so then we don’t get out early. The class is fuming at him, the instructor is staring at him and trying to shut him up using a jedi mind-trick, but the dude won’t stop asking questions. But the best part is, they're not even good questions, it’s not about concepts – it’s always him latching onto one question and then WANTING TO PAINT EVERY POSSIBLE SCENARIO!!!!!!! If you’re a pet groomer, for example, it would go like this

Instructor “…as so, when washing animals use soap and water…”
Guy: “what about horses? Should we use soap and water for horses?”
Instructor: “Yes, of course, soap and water for horses. So, as we-“
Guy: “I’ve got 2 dogs, what about them? Soap and water for them?”
Instructor: “Yes. Dogs too. Now, if w-“
Guy: “What about hamsters?”
Instructors: “Yes. (icy ‘please shut up stare’ now settling in). Now, -“
Guy: “What if I wanna wash dogs AND hamsters, should I use soap and water?”

You get the picture. Meanwhile every fucking inane question he asks adds onto the class time, driving you insane with rage. Your only hope here is that someone confronts him in the bathroom during a break and tosses him out the fucking window. Otherwise, a 4:45pm stop time means 4:45pm. Unreal.

A close cousin to this jackass is the middle-aged woman who wants to regale the class with anecdote after anecdote of every fucking thing her company has even done, every case that has ever come up. SHUT UP YOU OLD BAG!!!!! This person also needs to be “dealt with” during a break.

Hey, Here's a Fucking Surprise.

Moi ICI, only a few hours ago.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand right on schedule, we see this:

BREAKING: Boehner rejects Obama request to address joint session of Congress on September 7. | In a letter, Boehner says “It is my recommendation that your address be held on the following evening.”

Bout as predictable as the sun coming up in the morning, wasn't it?

Here We Go Again

As we well know, Sarah Palin likes to hurtle around the country on a bus giving speeches at rallies and then pretending to be miffed when the media reports on her presence at said rallies.  Now it turns out her biggest appearance to date, coming up in Iowa, has been put on hold by her campaign, which means the odds of her coming out with a statement about her "frustration!" over the lamestream media devoting so much time to "lil' ol' me" instead of demanding Obama create jobs for noble, freedom-loving patriots at exactly 100%; the only reason I say 100% is there's no such thing as as 101%.

BREAKING: GOP to Announce Later Today They're Refusing Obama's Proposal for Joint Session, "Typical Negro, Thinks Getting High Will Solve Everything"; also, "Zeke" Apparantly is a Real Name

I Think I Know Why It's Hiding.

Football Video Games

CNNSI HERE goes through the evolution of the football video game, all of which until about 15-20 years ago were terrible; now, from what I can tell, they're TOO realistic, taking away the charm of the earlier games.  But I never had any video games when I was a kid, and I surely didn't start playing them as an adult since, as we know, that makes you a fag.  But I do remember wasting tons of hours in college playing Tecmo Bowl, featuring the impossible to tackle Nigerian Nightmare.  I wasn't any good and rarely played attention to the actual playing, but it was a great excuse to sit around drinking The Beast and talking shit, which you know for damn sure I was good at.

But seriously, this fucking thing was beyond inane; to this day nobody can explain to me how the hell you play.  A friend of mine had one when we were kids, and as far as I could tell you simply kept moving the blip to the right until it told you you'd scored, all without knowing where the hell you were, or where anybody else was.  Ugh.  (though I did love me some River Raid in the playroom, wink wink)

The Golden Shower Rule

...we won't really understand how the rest of the world works until we shed this notion that we are automatically the GOOD GUYS and anyone else that doesn't think so is automatically the BAD GUYS. A further point I've never seen ror heard anywhere else is how important it is for us to recognize that the "bad guys" don't see themselves as the bad guys, like some old Spy vs. Spy "oh, you got me this time, good guy!" comic strip. They think THEY'RE the good guys, which we as a country seem to always miss. They're not thinking "the USA is so great, we should play the parts of evil just to be evil and antagonize them as much as possible."  - XMASTIME

The other night HERE I mentioned the wisdom of RFK's use of the Golden Rule as being practical, not just some kumbaya/rainbows & puppies doctrine.  So of course now we see Dick Cheney not only is for the US using torture, but proud of his role in it.  Presumably, of course, because we have the moral high ground and Jesus and his loveable, scrappy sidekick Baby Jesus on our side, and so nobody else would EVER torture a US soldier.  Brilliant.

Incredible Idea du Jour

Someone needs to come up with a way to sell those great little uncooked nuggets you find at the bottom of a batch of popcorn; kernels that STARTED to pop but stopped, giving you that tasty, fulfilling bite of crunch.

I can't find any pictures of the sort, so fuck it enjoy this video of me and Fashion Herald making caramel popcorn at Garrett's in Midtown instead.  Skip forward to the 9:10 mark for the popcorn part; everything til there is just FH fawning all over me.

I Guess a Calorie is a Calorie

...is a calorie:

Nutrition professor Mark Haub, who lost 27 pounds eating mainly Twinkies, powdered donuts and Oreo cookies, is back to an average American diet.

Last fall, Haub shed 13% of his weight over two months restricting his diet to 1,600 calories while eating "junk food." Surprisingly, his cholesterol readings improved and his level of triglycerides, which are a form of fat, decreased. This could have been explained by the decreased consumption of calories.

On a side note, I had a "Smart One" for dinner tonight.  I can't say it was bad, other than it's so small.  Which, I guess, is partly the point.  I would've liked more rice.  And while I know any meal based on having to be on a diet thanks to two decades of eating like an animal is gonna get the "too small complaint," it's not like I'm asking for more sausage on my extra-large deep-fried pizza, just another ounce or so of some tasteless rice in a 330-calorie diet meal.

Beatles Pronouns, Cont.

After getting off my lazy ass and actually reading Pennebaker's entire article, I see he also includes Love Me Do and From Me to You as "true" collaborations. narrowing the unknowns down to 11.

We also see this little nugget:

That's interesting.  And by "that's interesting", of course I mean "that's exactly what I've been screaming and bitching about for years!!!!!"

The Beatles and Pronouns

THIS GUY reviews a book wherein some guy for some reason used text analysis programs et al to crunch the numbers re: pronouns in Beatles' songs:

Mr. Pennebaker also explores the songwriting partnership of Lennon and McCartney, comparing the songs they wrote mostly on their own to their true collaborations written “eyeball to eyeball,” as Lennon once put it. The songs on which they collaborated closely produced linguistic patterns strikingly different from those of either songwriter individually. The 15 songs that were true John-Paul partnerships, Mr. Pennebaker says, were “much more positive” in emotional tone and used “more I-words, fewer we-words and much shorter words than either artist normally used on his own.”

Mr. Pennebaker discerns that same synergy at work in a very different collection of texts: The Federalist Papers, three of which were written jointly by Alexander Hamilton and James Madison. John and Paul and Alexander and James: now that would be a supergroup.

Other than She Loves You, I wonder what other 14 songs he considers to be "true" collaborations.  Obviously most were early in their career.  I've read accounts of them sitting at a piano and writing I Want to Hold Your Hand and With a Little Help From My Friends. Does he include songs that one had already written and the other added in a middle eight he'd already written, like A Day in the Life or We Can Work It Out?  Or  Getting Better, wherein Lennon, hearing the song for the first time, walks into the studio singing the "can't get much worse" part, which probably makes the song?  Will I ever find love/success/a reason to get out of fucking bed on any given day?

"Told you, professor - two e's in queef!"

Vending Machine Update

I just realized that after POSTING THIS POST and patting myself on the back for how awesome I am, I forgot to post the fucking food item, ie the point of the whole thing.  Grrr.  So here it is.  Fucking a.

Eric Cantor Looking to Break Own World Record for Douchebaggery, Says "Hey, Stupid People Didn't Vote for Me To Come Here and Be Satisfied with Mere Incompetence; If I'm Gonna Do Some REAL Damage, This is My Time to Shine."

Lady at Orioles Game Demonstrates What Happened After She "Finished Me Off", Bitch Behind Her Thinks It's Funny; Is EVERY Woman In Baltimore 300 Fucking Pounds?

(video HERE.)

Heat & War

Via Sully, THIS GUY denies that the climate has any cause or effect on war and violence.  I have no idea if he's right or wrong, but as you know I don't know why we insist on fighting battles in extreme heat.  Camon.  And just to ensure I break my own record for self-linking (meow!) in a singled day, here's another random one. Enjoy!

Sad to Watch

In spite of being on the worst show of all time, something that can never be un-seen, Sarah Jessica Parker had a chance to be THE Mrs. Xmastime of All Time.

But then she lost 100lbs and got old lady Madonna arms, so.- XMASTIME

Ugh. It's getting worse.  Matthew Broderick's gotta be thinking "I got rid of Sloan Peterson for this?!?!!"

When Do We Get to See the Stars?

What the - If She's Had 23+ Kids, Why Does She Hold a Baby Like She's Tony Dorsett?

9:42:  Does anybody wonder why, if she has 23 foster children, Bachmann is spending her time parading around the country? Where are these kids?  Are they the Minnesota Vikings? Wtf? *

9:18pm  Bachmann has 23 foster children.  If there's not enough voters right now to elect her so she can fuck this country up as President, she'll just buy them until there are.  **



* brought to you by this amazing Xmastime moment.


** brought to you by this astounding Xmastime moment.

Dear Vending Machine Opponent: Perhaps You Don't Know Who You're Fucking With.

I've launched the first attack in my vending machine war by immediately walking down to the café and procuring this little jim-dandy for myself.  Take that, fucker.  Oh, and just to really blow it outta the water I made sure a hot girl was standing right next to me and saw the whole thing go down.  So fuck.  Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

Corporate Vending Machine Challenge

Your hero back on July 22:

After several weeks in the rotation, I notice nobody's braved the chicken cordon blue sandwich yet.  I'll keep you updated.

Apparently somebody finally ate it.  Well, or OSHA stepped in and removed it from the premises.  Impressive.  I'd like to meet this motherfucker - I feel like my vending machine bravery is being challenged.  I guess my double pork sandwich   or "Big Ass Chicken!" aren't getting it done anymore, so it's time to step it up.

Xmastime Classixxx

Newest Xmastime Series: I Really Wanna Fucking Punch This Little Shit.

I really fucking hate this  kid. Maddox, Pax, whichever the fuck one he is. This asshole wins the adoption lottery and instead of worrying about getting eaten alive by a snake in some hut that's melting from the heat, he gets to spends his days "accidentally" peeking up Angelina's skirt. Asshole. He probably still breastfeeds, that's why she's so skinny. Oh, and when he gets old enough he'll get to bang every coozehoud in the country in exchange for letting them come over and spin the pea in Brad's coat closet. Look at him - he's a fucking asshole. First Pearl Harbor, and now you have the fucking onions to stick your tongue out at me? Put that tongue back in your fucking mouth before I rip it out and use to paint "USA! USA!" on your stupid fucking face. Fucking asshole. I really wanna fucking punch this little shit.


(others in this series HERE.)

Me! ME! ME!Me! ME! ME!Me! ME! ME!Me! ME! ME!Me! ME! ME!Me! ME! ME!

People  couldn't give less of a shit  have pointed out to me that my heroic blocked extra point and "The Greatest Walk of All Time" both happened at Lancaster High School.  A brief search tells me that the first post I ever brought up the heroic blocked extra point was in THIS POST, which, I must say, features the greatest bear picture caption ever.  You're welcome!

"Well hello, boys!"

The Life of Xmastime

Me: "When I fuck you baby, you stay fucked!”
Her: (sighing ruefully) I’ll say.

IMPORTANT SUPREME COURT QUESTION: Did Ruth Bader Ginsburg Use to Be Kinda Hot? WTF?

This Sir, Means War!

As my  the people I've chained to my radiator and keep their eyelids open with a toothpick a lá Tom & Jerry    regular readers know, I'm planning to move to England on my 40th birthday.  But I just realized that I've already promised myself to Canada.

Will be interesting to see how these two countries fight it out.  England has THIS.  And my BFF  Gordon Ramsay of course.  But Canada does have...well, really cold weather.  That's about it, I guess.

Goals. I Have Them.

I wanna type "interesting" thinks into my Google search and then walk away from my desk, hoping someone notices.  Heh heh heh.

Xmastime Classixxx

As I told someone in an email yesterday: if 20 years ago YouTube had existed, my "Greatest Walk of all Time" vs. Lancaster would've made me a bigger star than Chocolate Rain.  Featured quotes from the play by play announcer on the radio, as played to me and Brothatime!!  a week later via tape recorder::

"Oh my god!"

"Talk about a walk in the park, eh Bob?"

"I've seen players get rattled before, but wow."

(5 minutes later, after a commercial)

"Boy, how bout that walk by Wilson?"  "Unbelievable, Jerry. Wow."

(10 minutes later. Still shaking their heads.)

"Wilson thought it was still football season!"

"I mean, that had to be the greatest walk of all time, right Bobby?"

Accepting My Own Responsibility

I just hope God has a place for him where he can run again. Where he can play practical jokes on his teammates and smile that boyish smile, 'cause God knows, no one's perfect. And God knows there's something special about heroes. - Bob Costas' eulogy at Mickey Mantle's funeral

This is Amber Lancaster.  I have no idea who the hell she is nor do I give a rat''s ass, but she's a healthy reminder that one autumn day in 1988, I blocked an extra point against Lancaster, therein ensuring the final score was only 47-6 instead of 48-6 (and yes, we shoulda walked home afterwards when our coach was being an asssssssshole.)  I have no idea how the hell we got the 6, but my point is that yes, in this instance you CAN stop me on the street and thank me for being a hero.  After all, here's something special about heroes.

I'm The Dick, Dammit!

As we know, Dick Cheney isn't happy enough that he hasn't been tried as a war criminal and relieved to disappear and quietly live in the lap of luxury, of course he needs to keep popping his head up and blathering away to anyone who will listen how awesome he is.  This guy says the book is Cheney's last rodeo:

As the anniversary of 9/11 draws near, and In My Time hits the bookstores, Dick Cheney will have one more moment on the national stage to remind people that the policies of today were shaped by his strategic vision. And then, if his HeartMate II keeps pumping and the water recedes, he can go back home and fish in peace.

I doubt it.  I'm sure there'll be yet another book to come, and plenty of appearances on any "political show" he wants, since as Americans we never seem to quench our thirst for the thoughts of someone who has never, ever gotten a single thing right (see also: Kristol, Bill.)

Cheney is the OJ Simpson of politics - instead of being happy he got off and simply going away, he can't seem to shut the fuck up.

Thank You, Chicks

I won't miss summer because it fucking sucks, but I will miss this summer's trend of cowboy boots with short skirts.  Nom nom nom indeed, ladies.

Life and How to Live It

I have a scratch in my ear canal that won't go away because at least once a day I absentmindedly pick at it, and then totally freak out when I see blood on my finger "OH MY GOD MY BRAIN IS BLEEDING!!!!!!"

Sigh.  Me - I'm really happening, aren't I?

Slice du Jour

Moneyball

Are we really about to be assaulted with a movie based on the book Moneyball, aka "How to never, ever win a World Series"?  Isn't the general consensus that it failed?  What's next, exciting footage of the run-up to Friendster? Or Communism? Wtf?

Things I Worry About.

I'm worried that kids who didn't grow up listening to records won't get how funny "Yo Mamma's so fat, when she walks across the room the radio skips!" is.

Sigh.  Life. It's really happening, isn't it?

Fuck Ron Paul

Matt Yglesias has been hammering the faux "libertarianism" of Ron Paul for a while now, and today TNC nails what Paul is: a cranky, old racist.

To me, Paul used to be what McCain was in 1999-2000: the crotchety Republican darling Democrats and Independents used to show that their hatred of Republicans wasn't irrational; after all, they liked McCain, since he was a "straight shooter" who said outrageous things and pointed out his own party's shortcomings.  And yet, like with McCain, a closer look at Paul reveals him to be not only a shitty person, but quite literally a hazard to society.

Hurricane in the NYC

People seem to be upset that Hurricane Irene didn't live up to expectations, and are bitching at the government and media for its doomsday evacuation demands.  I won't even entertain the idea of defending the media, since we know how they love their hurricanes, but to now be mad at the government because they suggested taping your windows and taking a 10-minute car-ride further inland is absurd.  First of all, better safe than sorry - would you rather now be pissed that the government did NOTHING while you're on top of a palm tree hoping you don't fall on a shark?  Secondly, we all know this was the first DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY DID DURING KATRINA chance the government (at least in the Northeast) has had, so of course they're gonna cover their asses over and over.

But lastly, this shit happened on the weekend, and as New Yorkers, let's not pretend we didn't welcome an opportunity to "hunker down" with a Hurricane Party.  I know I did.

Hey, I'm sorry you didn't die and your house is still standing. Get over it.  There's actual bad things that happen to people, and then there's this.

Guilty Pleasure Bullshit

Matt Yglesias muses re: the curious need of Americans to feel guilty about lightweight pleasure:

I know it’s just a turn of phrase, but I think the whole conceptual framework of “guilty pleasures” speaks to some weird underlying puritanical elements in American life. Despite the whole “life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness” thing in the Declaration of Independence, our public culture is very resistant to the idea that people should try to spend more time doing things they enjoy or that producing enjoyment for others is a good thing to do in life.

In my mind Yglesias is being too generous, as I've always thought people using the phrase "guilty pleasure" is a signal, trying to convey how brilliant they usually are:

I hate people that claim a certain song or tv show is their "guilty pleasure." MMM-Bop comes on the radio and they're dancing to it sheepishly and say "oh man, I hate this music but this song is my one guilty pleasure." Yes. Cause I'm sure normally you're in your room listening to Bach's Das Wohltemperierte Clavier. And you take a break from your Masterpiece Theatre marathons for Real World/Road Rules Challenge, your "guilty pleasure." If you like MMM-Bop just fucking say you like the song; the only people that will judge you is some douchebag like TA-DA!.... you!

Bachmann for the Win.

Michele Bachmann cleverely comes out of the gate quickly and beats Palin/Perry et al to the punch with this inevitable gem:

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending."

Neverminding the fact that a natural disaster such as a hurricane actually prompts MORE government spending, I wonder why she thinks this would be a warning about spending and not, you know, global warming, ie something that actually affects weather. If God wanted to fuck with government spending, wouldn't he be less obtuse, such as burning any federal checkbook to ashes or whatever?  Is this a case of Bachmann accusing God of being stupid and incompetent?  Interestingly brave stance on her part!

Baby Goats Born in Marah-Land!

Look, I'm not saying nothing, but I find it a little "curious" that a few months ago Serge strolls back into town, and now there's suddenly a coupla baby goats being born.  Hey, no judgments, we're all adults here, but camon, I'm just saying.  Again, I'm not judging, but I am surprised they weren't born wearing little vests, that's all.

Lee, Pee Wee

I remember reading this anecdote in James Swanson's Bloody Crimes:

On this particular Sunday morning, Lee attended St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in Richmond, V.A. The church service progressed as usual until it was time for communion. When the call to communion was made, an unknown black man rose from his pew in the back of the church and made the long walk down the aisle to the front of the church where he proceeded to kneel at the communion rail.

The members of the church were shocked by this act and remained seated, unsure of what to do. Then, Robert E. Lee rose from his pew. He strode down the center aisle and knelt down next to black man, and the two received communion together. After this act, the rest of the congregation followed suit and took communion.

The best parallel being, of course, Pee Wee Reese:

A petition was drawn up by a group of mostly Southern Dodgers players that stated they would not take the field with a black man.

"I'm not signing that," Reese told the ringleaders. "No way."

Reese, the soft-spoken but respected team captain, with a Southern upbringing, perhaps surprised the petition-carriers...Robinson played, and endured vicious abuse from opposing teams, from beanballs and spikings to racial epithets and spitting. Robinson had promised Branch Rickey, the owner and general manager of the Dodgers, that for at least his first two years in the major leagues, he would hold his tongue and his fists, no matter the provocation. And one day -- it was probably in Cincinnati, Reese recalled, in 1947 or 1948 -- the attack was so nasty that Reese walked over to Robinson and put his hand on the black man's shoulder. 

Of course, both of these might be instances of "Those AMAAAAAAAZING Whites!" propaganda, but hey.

Sculptor William Behrends; Landscape architect Ken Smith, 2005
Keyspan Park, Coney Island, Brooklyn
Bronze, granite, landscaping

Inspired by the friendship of two Brooklyn Dodger baseball players who helped advance integration in the Major Leagues, this figurative sculpture depicting the two teammates, was dedicated November 1, 2005 at the entrance of Keyspan Stadium, home of the minor league team, the Cyclones.

Am I Turning into Norm Peterson?

Exchange with my roommate tonight:

Roommate: Whatcha doing?
Xmastime: Gettin' a beer.
Roommate: Just one?
Xmastime: At a time.

Great. We're Fucked.

Hopes. I Have Them.

Gee, I sure hope the media can extend it's uber-hysteria over Hurricane Irene long enough to hand the baton off to it's 9/11 uber-hysteria.  (Fingers crossed!)

I Have Low Self-Esteem Thanks to Being a Middle Child So Here's Me Desperately Patting Myself on the Back for All to See My Brilliance du Jour

But most of all, I think the need to feel like an oppressed underdog who has succeeded against all odds is as American as apple pie...Nobody likes to admit out loud "part of my success is due to economic and social conditions cemented long before I was even born"; we must be made to believe that Successful Person X was left to die in a dumpster, then pulled himself up by his own bootstraps and became a real rags to riches story.  Nobody's happy simply to have been given the keys to the kingdom, they also hafta portray themselves as "victims."

And it's not just corporations or politicians, it's everyone.  Nobody can admit they had a somewhat pleasant experience in high school, everybody has to now claim to have been the nerds picked on by the bullying football team.  Being a loser in high school is now a cool thing to have been, but not REALLY.  Shitty bands that should be happy someone's inexplicably buying their crappy records by the ton, they also have to bray about all the record companies that rejected their demos.  Gilbert Arenas is an assclown who has gotten tens of millons of dollars to play about 6 more NBA games than me, and yet he can't go longer than three minutes without whining about being picked so late in the draft, and having to overcome being born with a freakish genetic gift that makes rich men bid for the right to have him come play a child's game for them in order to eke out a living.  And on, and on, and on.  Nobody inherited money or their company, everybody started out the same as everyone else, with nary an advantage, be it the color of their skin or the crotch they were torn out of. - XMASTIME

Via Sully THIS GUY HERE says the same about people's refusal to accept that their success might be a result of a long, long string of fortunate happenings/non-happenings:

Many of my critics pretend that they have been entirely self-made. They seem to feel responsible for their intellectual gifts, for their freedom from injury and disease, and for the fact that they were born at a specific moment in history. Many appear to have absolutely no awareness of how lucky one must be to succeed at anything in life, no matter how hard one works. One must be lucky to be able to work. One must be lucky to be intelligent, to not have cerebral palsy, or to not have been bankrupted in middle age by the mortal illness of a spouse.

Many of us have been extraordinarily lucky—and we did not earn it. Many good people have been extraordinarily unlucky—and they did not deserve it. And yet I get the distinct sense that if I asked some of my readers why they weren’t born with club feet, or orphaned before the age of five, they would not hesitate to take credit for these accomplishments. There is a stunning lack of insight into the unfolding of human events that passes for moral and economic wisdom in some circles.

Seriously

We can all agree that it's very normal for a 39 year-old man to watch the Yogi Bear movie three times in one day, right?

Oh Goody. Another Book from Cheney. Awesome.

This practice from this Administration will become the Celebrity Rehab of it's day. You can fucking book it. - XMASTIME

Dick Cheney is the latest in what's become a long line of members of the most bumbling, destructive administration ever to cash in on their incompetence with a fucking book, something I warned about all the way back in 2008.  I'm "guessing" this is another 300-page victory lap for Cheney to tell us all how incredible he is, without mentioning how we'll be untangling ourselves from knots caused by his stupidity and childish callousness for generations to come.  Yeeeeeeeeeaaaa, Dick!

But the best part is he has the gall to say this about the effect the book will have:

There are gonna be heads exploding all over Washington.

Umm...I'm not sure that you wanna be the guy to say that when you're also the guy who famously shot a guy in the fucking face. Unreal.

My Pet Bush

I suppose the Bush 9/11 interview tonight will be impossible to avoid, so I'm sure I'll see at least some of it.  I guess a lot of attention will be given to the 7 minutes he sat their reading My Pet Goat after being told about the second attack, which he claims he did so as to not show or induce panic.  I've never cared enough about it to hammer him like Michael Moore did.  On one hand, he's right - nobody wants to see the president lose his shit and run around the room like a little girl when a mouse walks into a room.

But it's not like he was on national tv, giving a speech.  He was in a classroom with LITTLE KIDS; I don't think that if he said "excuse me one moment" and walked out the kids would immediately leap to "holy shit, has our support of Israel, the presence of US troops in Saudi Arabia, and sanctions against Iraq finally come back to bite us in the ass?"  I'm pretty sure they'd think "that old man is gone, hey I wonder if I'll get a pony for Christmas?"

"Pizza's here!"

 

Me, Myself & Irene

Granted, I was distracted by the 788 sliders Kdawggy made and Watty stomping around for three hours looking for some mysterious tv cable, but I can't say I even noticed Hurricane Irene.  But then, I was a Cub Scout for a coupla weeks when I was a kid (as opposed to when I was in my early 30's, I suppose), so I guess you never really lose that instinct for leadership and survival.

And no, don't be fucking stopping me in the street to thank me for my service, either.  My incredibly laudible sense of modesty will only make me embarrassed.

NYC

First an earthquake.  Now a hurricane.  What time will the locusts be arriving this week?

Xmastime Memory Lane

Monday, August 04, 2008

Mad Men

The episode of Mad Men last night might've been the best tv I've seen in a long time. The jolt of the plane crash and it's ensuing inappropriate and unchecked jokes, Draper showing both a semi-compassionate side and a hard-ass one, the dude that plays Pete Campbell's awesome vacant performance as well as his family's bluetoothed Gatsby awkwardness. Great episode. Oh, and just for kicks they threw in some racism and a 5 year-old girl mixing drinks. After last year's mid-season stumble, looks like the show has recovered nicely.

Hey Guys, Don't Forget

I'm holding a car wash later today!  The money goes to Alzheimer's Research...Never Forget!

Yogi Line du Jour

Yogi's been forced out of his home to "forage for himself":

"I wish I could find a bush that tastes like birthday cake."

Ha!

Xmastime Classixxx

I was listening to Heard it in a Love Song last night and I started thinking boy, does that even happen anymore? Dude shifts from woman to woman, staying around for a while before moving on, shuffling on down the line without even saying goodbye, squinting into the sun through a Diner window drinking black coffee. Could a dude really slip away like that anymore? Wouldn't it be more like slipping away in the night, maybe leaving a note, thinking you're gone and won't see her again, on to the next town and...damn! your cell phone rings. Don't answer...BEEP!..fuck! a text!! alright, alright...aww, shit, Blackberry blowing up she's emailing me and....shit, is that me on Google Earth? fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!! Look up from your booth, there she is at the entrance with a frying pan, Mrs. Snuffy Smith style. Can't be right.

The Saying "The Whole Nine Yards"

What the fuck does that even mean?  A first down is ten yards, not nine.  Shouldn't it be "the whole ten yards?"  Doesn't saying you went "the whole nine yards" mean "yeah, I went riiiiiiiiight up to my goal, but stopped just short for no reason"?  Wtf?

Proto Bloggah

People are wondering if David Foster Wallace was a blogger before blogging existed:

Wallace’s nonfiction abounds with qualifiers like “sort of” and “pretty much” and sincerity-infusers like “really.” ...  I suppose it made sense, when blogging was new, that there was some confusion about voice. Was a blog more like writing or more like speech? Soon it became a contrived and shambling hybrid of the two. The “sort ofs” and “reallys” and “ums” and “you knows” that we use in conversation were codified as the central connectors in the blogger lexicon.

I've never read him and probably never will, but this does crack me up since it reminds me of a habit I had in AP History of filling up paper space on essay questions with "sort of" and "you know" instead of, you know, cracking a textbook.  I can remember one instance in particular that was so egregious Mr. Smith allowed it to be passed around class, to the howling delight of everybody.  Yes, that's the same Mr. Smith who also pulled this shit.  Actually, his greatest "there's no way he wouldn't be sued if he did that today, along with Mr. Ponish's playfully pulling boys' shirttails out and saying 'shirttails out!'" hit was when he'd be passing graded tests back to us: you'd walk up to his desk to get yours, and if your grade was particularly shitty he'd exaggeratedly announce "whoops!" to the entire class.  Awesome.

And yes, it's the same class as my first ever "F,"  thanks to falling in love for the first time.  Grrr.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!

Yesterday HERE I laughed at the Tea Party's frustration that it hasn't been able to waltz into Washington and "kick ass!" like it said it would, and today HERE we find a freshman Tea Party Congressman from Florida whining and crying that the job isn't rainbows and puppies, and may include a volatile atmosphere when met with the very people he whipped into a frenzy of anger to vote for him in the first place:

I mean, it must be awful to be surrounded by armed guards because a certain political movement whipped up a nationwide atmosphere of apocalyptic paranoia and deep loathing of the supposedly tyrannical federal government. I really wish we knew which political party had enabled and encouraged that sort of thing! I remember that whichever one it was had a lot of guns and enjoyed showing them off. (Was it the League of Women Voters?)

Luckily for him he's also stupid, as he didn't bother to find out whether or not he could run his private business while serving in Congress, so that should buffer him from any real grief.

Oh, Florida.  Where do you find these people? (Florida!)

Hypocritical du Jour

Apparently, having a dog in a bar is a health violation.  Yet for some reason, serving drinks that act as  psychoactive drugs and have a depressant effect is not.  Interesting.

Facts are Facts

I've gotten laid twice in the last week, so obviously, this hurricane is gonna wipe us out.

DANA: I thought you didn't believe in God?
GEORGE: I do for the bad things.
DANA: Do you hear what you're saying? God isn't out to get you George.

This Would Shut Your Fucking Friends Up About How Cheap Your Fiancé Is, No?

Every day, the universe gets weirder:

But the universe is a vast and strange place, where all sorts of seemingly impossible things happen routinely. Still, a paper just published in Science seems to teeter on the edge of utter fantasy: 20 trillion miles away lies a star more massive than the sun but only 15 miles across, spinning around more than 100 times a second — and orbiting that star is a diamond the size, not of a mere luxury hotel, but of the planet Jupiter. Oh, and the diamond used to be a star too, before it turned into a planet.

Why Does God Hate New York City?

So let me see if I have this right...a few weeks ago we survived record-breaking, panic-inducing heat.  A few days ago we had an unprecedented earthquake.  And now, if we somehow survive a hurricane that is of "historical proportions" tomorrow, it's only going to get even worse Sunday night?

Christ, man.  We fucking surrender already - you win, we'll get rid of Sharpton!!!!!!!!

The Best Advice I've Heard Yet

Via Sully's readers:

Hmm...

The Yankees were losing 7-1 in after the 4th yesterday, then went on an onslaught of historical proportions.  Here they are again, down 7-1 in the top of the 5th.  Hmm. I'm just saying.

Interesting note on yesterday's game: their 3000-hit Hall of Fame shortstop was at the plate 4 times with the bases loaded and only had 1 rbi, and their perennial MVP candidate hitter in the 3-hole had no rbi at all, and they scored 22 runs.

Hold the Fuck Up.

7) I work in the real estate industry. A clue for some of you young people out there: don’t spend 20 minutes talking to me about buying a building and developing land and then give me your email and it’s something hello_kitty_cutiepie@yahoo.com. Fucking hell. If you slip me your email and it’s moredickplease@gmail.com I MIGHT not call your lawyer about doing a deal. Of course I will still do you and tell all my friends. Probably twice. - XMASTIME

I was perusing Farrah Abraham's Twitter site a few moments ago because I'm...cough...such a fan of the show, and it took me a moment to realize that the doctor who pumped up her titties uses the Twitter handle "@bestbreastdoc." Gee. How classy!  That reminds me, I hafta tweet my sperm bank technician @doctorcum about something.

BREAKING NEWS ABOUT THE HURRICANE!!!!!!!

Hahahaha camon people, I have IMPORTANT news to pass on: Xmastime's Teen Mom Nom Nom Nom! Farrah Abraham's new fake titties are doing just fine.  Shew!  Yes, I'll keep you posted throughout the weekend as events unfold (hopefully, into my excited mitts.)  Hopefully they'll be upgraded from "Tropical Storm Titties" to "Rock You Like a Mothafuckin' Hurricane Titties."

The Baltimore Orioles Can Eat a Bag of Fucking Bird Dicks

As you already know, I like the Orioles.  I've never had a beef with the O's, and I absolutely love Ken Singleton.  Also, I know that crying foul re: another team not bending over to happily assist your march towards world domination and "doing the right thing!" only comes off as whining.  But their refusal to accomodate the Yankees in any way re: squeezing in all of this series' games this weekend is bullshit.  I mean, it'd be one thing if it was the Red Sox, and you could begrudgingly chalk it up to competitiveness and admit the Yankees would do the same.  But the Orioles are, once again, the worst team in baseball, dragging their pitiful, sorry asses to finish out another shitty season, so their doing so only reeks of pettiness.  Congratulations Orioles, you did it - the Yankees will prolly hafta come back on their only day off in the last month of the season to play you, by which point you will be playing to not lose 100 games.  Good for you!  I hope the Yankees send a lineup made up of the kids they help out during HOPE WEEK.

Shitty teams playing the role of spoiler at the end of a season can be an exciting part of the season..if it comes ON the field, not off.

Grrrrrrrrrr.

Then again, what the fuck do I care.

I Have to Wait Three Years for Madonna's Daughter to Be 18?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!

For fuck's sake - who is this kids father, Jayne Mansfield?

Things I'm Worrying About Today

I'm worried that Hurricane Irene will overshadow what has to be my favorite Asian subway stairs upskirt of all time today.    That would make me sad  :(

The War Against Progress.

Since according to him the very government he's a part of should exist solely to do nothing, Ron Paul thinks the government's response to Hurricane Irene should be the same as it was in 1900:

Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) told NBC News’ Jo Ling Kent today that there should be no national response to Hurricane Irene, and that government responses should revert back to how they were over 100 years ago. “We should be like 1900, we should be like 1940 1950 1960,” he said. “I live on the gulf coast, we deal with hurricanes all the time.”

I wonder what Ron Paul's feelings would be about the government's response to his compensation as a US Congressman being as it was in 1900?  Hmm. It's a mystery!

I'm Just Saying...

...Tuesday we had an earthquake, and now we're about to have a hurricane of historical proportions.  I really don't know what else God has to do to get people to notice my new jeans.  I mean, what the fuck, people?

How Am I Still Single? IT's a Miracle!

First of all, yes I know I'm asking for trouble by having spent three years at this job and knowing that if I don't bring lunch from home I'm at the mercy of the vending machines, since there's no place to walk to within miles of the office.  So yes, off the bat, we can all agree I'm an idiot to begin with, and accept responsibility.  So a while ago I'm fucking starving, and since of course I didn't eat breakfast I'm willing to pay whatever it takes to have whatever the machines are willing to spit out at me, and after a few spins I see that the only thing even REMOTELY palatable is a fucking cheeseburger.  That's right, that most classy item of the vending foods family, the cheeseburger in a plastic wrapper.  Even I'M disgusted by the mere thought of it, but I'm desperate, so fuck it I buy it and throw it in the microwave, punch in 50 seconds - you know, the standard time for  lighting a dead bird on fire and eating it   flame-grilling a juicy sirloin burger with imported Wisconsin cheese - and stand next to it to wait.

Innnnnnnnnn walks My Office Crush.  I freeze like a deer in headlights, praying she doesn't come near the microwave and see what I'm "cooking," which of course means she walks right over to it and stands, patiently waiting for my plastic wrapper of turds to slightly warm up so she can heat up the half-cup of whole wheat penne pasta she'd thoughtfully brought from home.  She said hi to me and I said hi back, all the while using a Jedi mind trick to convey that whatever was in the microwave wasn't mine, but was someone else's, most likely the girl sitting quietly at a nearby table eating her salad while reading.  I started fussing with the coffee machine, and of course within seconds the microwave bell DING!ed.  I acted like I hadn't heard it, nor had a reason to; I stalled by walking over to the vending machine for chips, furrowing my brow while deciding which flavor of sensible baked chips to choose from; out of the corner of my eye I could see My Office Crush looking around and wondering who the fuck had left something in the microwave cooking and simply walked out of the café.  Just when I could tell she was gonna give up and take my "burger" out to set aside so "whoever had left it" could come back and get it, therein letting her cook her shit and get the fuck outta there so I can snatch up my ..."burger,"  juuuuuust as she's reaching to open the door and I'm finally about to exhale, the girl at the table nonchalantly looks up from her book and loudly says to me "your food's ready."

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Long story short, I now have to pull this fucking thing that mostly closely resembles a baby's full diaper out of the microwave about two feet in front of My Office Crush, with her disgust surely briefly distracted by wondering if it was possible I was a grown man who didn't understand what it means when a bell goes off and the light goes out on a microwave.  Great.  So now she knows I'm disgusting on the outside, about to be disgusting on the inside, AND a fucking idiot.  Great.  The Hat Trick of Repulsiveness.  Which I don't even know is a fucking word, to be honest with you.

Sigh.  Me.  I'm really happening, aren't I?

Why Is the MLK Memorial Made Out of Chocolate? I Mean, WTF, People?

Slogans and Posters and Playing Dressup is Fun, but Reality Isn't.

This mythology that Tea Partiers are gonna get into DC and "fuck some shit up!!" because they're "real" is laughable.  How do we know this, you ask? Anybody remember the name Scott Brown? That's right, wasn't it only a few months ago that Scott Brown was gonna get to the Senate and change everything? Gee, what's happened since? Have you even heard his name once since then? Of course not. I promise you Scott Brown will throw each and every Tea Partier that got him elected under the bus come 2013 to hold onto his job. Scott Brown will torch Fenway while sucking Derek Jeter's dick before he gives up his seat. Hell, even Obama has allowed himself to sink comfortably into the default position of executive power Bush had set before him after all his talk of "change"...and yet we're really supposed to believe that someone like Christine O'Donnell is going to make one bit of difference in DC? Really? Sharron Angle can't outwit the Arizona media, but she's going to waltz into DC and become the Congressional moving & shaking  LBJ of our day? Really?  -  XMASTIME

WELL well well....

But after two years, a hugely successful midterm election, and almost a year of GOP control of the House of Representatives, Tea Party activists here and across the country seem to be losing some of their steam.  Gone is the white-hot rage that famously defined the town hall meetings of August 2009 and sent incumbents from both parties packing a year later.  In its place is much of what met Graham at a half-empty Tea Party town hall in North Charleston earlier this week: lingering frustration and continued anger with Washington, but a growing realization within the upstart movement that sustaining a revolution is harder than starting it—and that merely electing conservatives doesn’t guarantee they’ll buck the system they promised to overthrow.

Luckily it gets worse for the GOP, since even "regular Republicans" are foolishly letting themselves be ensnared with Chinese handcuffs by gleefully signing any promise/pledge handed to them. But after all, we are talking about a cult, not a political party.

MIssed Opportunities are Sad

Is there a reason Sir Mix-a-Lot didn't use the Pippa Middleton's ass craze as a chance to FINALLY followup Baby Got Back?  I mean, wtf?  This shit was served on a silver platter for him!

Today's Xmastime MVP

Cool Pops!  For answering my question and pointing out the T-Mobile girl is this hot minx.  Welcome to the Stankadome, Carly!

Hmm. I'm Single. Minka Kelly's Single. Gee, I Wonder What's About To Happen. (Scrambling the Interns to Grab a New Crate of Canoe Cologne)

Weeeeeell, Look Who's Dating Again.

Those Faux-Serious Sunny Promo Ads are Killing Me :)

Decline in Bonding

Interesting article HERE re: the decline of team bonding in sports, thanks to iPods et al:

"When you get on the bus now to go to a game, everybody's got their headphones on, or staring at their phones instead of sitting there talking," said former NHL defenseman Rob Blake, who retired last year and now works in the league's front office. "But now where I've seen [a difference] most is in the dressing rooms. You always had a team stereo, and you always had one guy put the music on and you always had a team song. Now, guys have their own headphones. You don't even really need a team stereo anymore, because they're all listening to their own music."

When I was in high school, I always liked playing away games because of  the stops at McDonalds on the way   the cutting up on the bus; I can still remember a ton of hilarious moments.  I guess it helps that not much of my memory is taken up by winning games, since we fucking sucked.  Well, and I liked that our basketball coach wouldn't let us eat fries at McDonald's but didn't mind us inhaling twenty McNuggets.

Question.

Does anybody know who that hot chick in all the T-Mobile commercials is?  I need to track her down and let her know she's about one commercial away from that most hallowed of honors, induction into my Hall of Stank.

Goals. I Have Them.

Just once I'd like to be on the disbelieving end of a crush from someone who's stunningly beautiful, repeatedly insisting "no way!" as my friends walk me though the dozens of times she's thrown herself at me without my noticing, until finally "relenting" and accepting my good fortune.  Because that seems to happen at least 5 times on every sitcom.

The Short Bus Has to Try to Survive Hurricane Irene in a Tent Only a Few Miles from the Ocean; Even Worse, Apparently is Being Forced to Wear Socks with Crocs.

Well. This Makes Sense.

Last year I pointed out that the number of Americans killed by terrorism was only 25, ie about twice as many as those killed by vending machines, despite the spending/hysteria over terrorism being approximately 188237873732272 times more than that for vending machines:

Which, to me, sounds like if we're spending a trillion bucks on fighting terrorism, we should be spending $500B on fighting vending machines. Do we even know what these fucking things do when nobody's around? I mean, I put in some change, and potato chips come out - the EXACT POTATO CHIPS I WANTED? Every time? Seems a little suspicious, doesn't it? If these things had arms they'd be fucking amazing on the monkey bars.

Turns out this year, there's been even FEWER deaths via terrorism.  Now, you can try some sort of causation/effect argument, but I don't think I'm crazy in suggesting we pump the brakes on insisting politicians scare the hell out of us 24 hours a day, and that a big chunk of the money we're spending on "fighting terrorism" could be better used by fighting things that kill more people over the course of an entire year than the number of people onstage at a Springsteen concert.

FINALLY

Stupid people might be getting what they've been clamoring for:

Joe Wurzelbacher, better known as Joe the Plumber, is considering a run against U.S. Rep. Marcy Kaptur in 2012, according to Republican Party sources.

Of course, who can argue with such qualifications as "he goes hunting with Sarah Palin"?  I wonder if he's as bad at hunting as she is - if you're Todd Palin, aren't you a little suspicious about what's going on during these little "hunting trips"?  (Insert "is he really cleaning out her pipes" plumbing joke here.)  

Boy, throw Grandpa McOldfuck back into the mix with them and you'd really have the 2008 Total Fuckhead All-Star Band back together, wouldn't you?

"Oh No No - It's The Moops!"

Ah, good news:

No more 'bubble boy': Gene therapy gives kids normal lives...Guy is among more than a dozen children, now aged 4 to 14, who lead nearly normal lives despite the disease thanks to an experimental treatment that appears to be a long-term success. In two papers published this week, researchers in Britain report that gene transfer therapy has kept SCID in check in young patients for nearly a decade, rivaling traditional transplant techniques.

Of course by "good news" I mean "good news that they didn't come up with this 20 years ago, robbing us of one of the all-time great sitcom scenes."

Plans. I Have Them.

I need to have kids just so I can give them names that guarantee everyone will think they're complete assholes.  "Have you met my kids, Izod LaCoste and Abraham Lincoln?  Their older brother, Hall & Oates, is away at college."

Scorched Earth A'Coming

Karl Roves calls Sarah Palin thin-skinned.  I'm putting the odds of Sniffy scrambling her minions to the war room to help her craft a Facebook rant where she pitches a fit and screeches that Rove is now part of the lamestream media that's picking on her at, oh, 100%.  And the only reason I'm saying 100% is that there's no 101%.

Baseball Flicks

The poll question on the Yankee's game just now was favorite 80's baseball movie from a list of five, of which I will list in order of my own preference:

1) Bull Durham
2) Major League
3) Eight Men Out
4) The Natural
5) Field of Dreams


For the 90's I'd say A League of Their Own, and the aughts *61.  Hopefully the best of this decade will be Mark McGuire and Curt Schilling Suck Each Other Off, II.

Great, More Jobs Lost. Way to Fucking Go, Obama.

Hmm. Curious.

Southern states are the most vociferous about their "family values" and the "sanctity of marriage" etc etc, sop it's curious that they lead the league in ta-da!...DIVORCE.  I guess they're  full of fucking shit  troubled souls.

FINALLY - A Deli for White People

I Eagerly Await Rush Limbaugh's "At Least Obama's Not the Only Black Man Killing Jobs" Joke Tomorrow

Dagwood Bumstead Needs to Come Out of the Closet

HERE WE GO AGAIN - instead of pawing all over his insanely hot wife, Dagwood is doing...what?  Trending surveys while watching Wheel of Fortune?  Are you fucking shitting me?  If I had that big-tittied fox for a wife I'd be doing things that would make the other comics run off the page from fright.  Garfield would sleep with the fucking lights on.  For fuck's sake.

OHMYGOD Sandra Lee Grabs Her Titties!!!! Oh Yeah, There Was an Earthquake. Well, And We're About to Be Wiped Out by a Hurricane.

The Dodgers Love The Beatles

Just when you think we've run out of ways to see how much The Beatles mean to us, the bar gets raised with the Dodgers celebrating the 45th anniversary of when they played at Dodger Stadium.  Wow.  You're the Dodgers and you're bragging about a 20-minute set from almost half a century ago.  I've got to finally sit down and listen to these guys.

Article on the logistical nightmare of trying to get The Beatles out of the stadium HERE.

So...

...the DSK lawsuit has come and gone already, but it took 6 years to even start R. Kelly's trial?  Is this because black people are scared of dogs?

You're Goddam Right

I looked.