Midnight Run, NBA Edition

As you already know its been all Midnight Run lately, and Bill Simmons uses it for today's article on the NBA offseason:

"Can I at least have some French fries?"
"I said no, pecker breath, now shut up."
One of my favorite throwaway exchanges goes to my favorite throwaway revelation of the summer: George telling Slam Magazine about the time Larry Legend showed up for a Pacers practice, "picked a ball up that had rolled over," then "rolled up his sleeves and made about 15 in a row and just walked out like nothing just happened," adding, "We were speechless. We didn't know whether to keep shooting or just to end practice. It was sweet, man."

So, Thia is What Anthony Weiner is Throwing His Life Away For.

Yikes. Even I wouldn't hit that  of course I would fucking hit that.

Oh, and Anthony, may I offer you a little advice, in the words of Sinbad: don't get a 12:01am whoopin', get a 5am whoopin!!

Otis

Talk over at Sully re: what made Otis Redding so great:

The best singers are also masters of silence...Otis Redding understood and used this power as well as anyone. Critic Dave Marsh once wrote that Redding’s performance of “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now)” sounds “as though each line is coming to him only the instant before he sings it, quavering notes as if in the grip of an undeniably exquisite passion that must be consummated–now!” a description that itself dwells in pauses, anticipation, the thrill of ensuing discovery.

And of course he wrote this little ditty that made Aretha famous.

The Station Agent

Peter Dinklage is great of course, but I love Bobby Cannavale's character. Relentless.

FINE, You People Win...

Rocks Off is my favorite Stones song of all time.

"The sunshine bores the daylights out of me..."

Very Important Xmastime Announcement

My three favorite Stones songs are Rocks Off, Winter, and Star Star.

Maxwell's

Is closing.

Maybe the single greatest Replacements set list ever happened there.

Here's soundcheck from that show. Great song.

Which Mad Men-ism

is you?

Moi:

 Brothatime!!'s mantra:

Mrs. Xmastime

Even for (or maybe especially for ) a left-wing Aaron Sorkin-loving pinko commie like me, The Newsroom is insufferable.

But I must extend (heh heh heh) a big THANK YOU for bring back Mrs. Xmastime superslice of superslices Dana Gordon from Entourage. Sigh.

Don't Go Go Go Matsui

Along with the yin-and-yang of the old guard and the new guys and the gray hairs and the youth, there is a nice symmetry to Matsui winning the World Series MVP; it feels like he's standing for all the guys that came and went since 2000 without getting a ring. Some were good Yankees (Giambi, Moose) and some were douchebags (Johnson, Brown, Sheffield.) Matsui was always the best of them all, a great Yankee. - XMASTIME 

Buried in all the excitement yesterday (to me, at least) of Jeter's return/HR and Soriano's return/HR/GWRBI was Hideki Matsui retiring as a Yankee. Beautiful.

On Sunday, one of the most humble and beloved players to don a Yankee uniform in the last decade was shown just how much he was appreciated as he announced his retirement from baseball.

“This moment will be a moment that I will never forget,” Matsui said. “To be able to retire as a member of the team that I aspired to and looked up to, I think there is nothing more fulfilling.”

I can still remember his getting his World Series ring like it was yesterday.

I have never cried in an office. I cannot imagine a setting in which I would even come close. But I will say that the closest I've ever come is watching the Yankees' impromptu swarming of Matsui when he was just announced on the field and given his World Series ring.

Click Thru du Jour

With apologies to whomever I took it from on Facebook but cannot find now, this is fucking funny.

Weekend Wrapup

This was an all-star Xmastime weekend: family, friends, and my first-ever trip to Camden Yards (twice!)

One highlight is watching Watty order Chinese food over the phone and suspiciously ask "yeah, so, do you guys have something called...'egg foo young'...?", knowing for sure I was setting him up to look stupid with a dish completely made up.  :)

Oh, Watty, how many times have I talked about egg foo young? (answer: hundreds)

Xmastime Is Nothing if Not Consistent

I still believe in this.

Tweet du Jour

Thank You, Fox News.

Even by its own standards, the unintentional comedy in this FOX News clip is pretty awesome. Kudos to the guy for waiting til 8 minutes in to suggest how obvious it is the interviewer didn't read the book, or any of it. And why isn't unintentional comedy a part of the Emmys?

Cancer.

I just saw this (paraphrased to protect privacy, yes I am that classy - you're welcome, Earth) on a Facebook post just now:

No one hates cancer more than she does.

Really? Hey, I know what she meant, and I'm not picking on anybody and I know making fun of it makes me the King Dick of the World, but seeing it in black and white makes it look funny, doesn't it? I mean, someone has the world record for hating cancer? I mean, its cancer - isn't there like a 7 billion-person tie for first place?

State du Moi

I lived in Brooklyn for 15 years, and exactly 0 times did I think "gee, if only I could lie down on a hard roof in scalding hot heat with a dozen or so strangers." But hey, what do I know, right?

"MGMT is the 'best band ever'? THAT'S it, I'm fucking outta here, people!"

True Dat de Jour

Via THIS GUY:

Could anyone else on Earth have played Chas?

No. Absolutely not. And not to get all Bill Simmons on us, but the fact that Billy Zabka hasn’t even had an ironic film renaissance, let alone the real one that he deserves, is ridiculous.

My Second Tour of Duty as a Manny?!?!!?!?!?!?!!!!!

Kate and Wills will be doing this very differently from previous generations of Royals. The two are said to be planning to break with the long standing tradition of a formal nanny (or many nannies) taking control of childcare in the Royal household. Instead they advertised for a housekeeper to help with multiple household chores and help watch the Royal baby, with Kate and William expecting to do much of the hands on care taking themselves. — Daily Mail, July 22, 2013.

Pizza Bullshit

I was recently reminded of this:

I'm fucking sick and feverish and 400 degrees and I've spent a week trying to eat well and here I am so fuck everybody I'm ordering a pizza. AAARGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

But I love the process of ordering a pizza. I haven't ordered pizza in a while, but I do recall a scenario similar to the following happeneing every time:

I called Papa John's, and a young fellow cheerily answered. He seemed ready to help me; eager even. I told him I'd like to place an order for delvery and he immediately barked "please hold!", put me on hold and presumably put out a small fire that had exploded on his work hat. What the fuck? Why even answer? So I'm sitting on hold, and to rationalize it I tell myself well, maybe this is just some flunkie, he's going to get the big daddy of delivery orders to talk me through the thing. BAM I'm off hold, and it's...the same guy. Oh, NOW he's ready to take my order. Did I just catch him off guard earlier, was he surprised when he picked up the phone and there was somebody on the other end looking to order pizza? Thus sending him into a furious pacing throughout the store, head in his hands "you can DO this Max, you can fucking DO this!!!" before taking a deep breath and picking up again? Wtf? After giving my order I half expected him, now that the pressure was off and he had handled things, to say something like "you know what, when you first called I was hoping it was somebody with a question about state capitals. You really got me with the ordering thing. It'll be about 45 minutes, enjoy your pizza."

This happen to everybody else every time they order pizza? EVERY time.

Three Xmastime Thoughts on Rushmore

1. It was the third movie I went to see after moving to New York City, behind No Looking Back and Primary Colors.

2. The soundtrack is a singularly awesome soundtrack, both in the songs themselves and how it's a character in the movie.

3. How much did Steve Carell base Michael Scott on Max, particularly the scene with Luke Wilson?

The one negative thing about the movie is that it seems to have been the launching pad for Bill Murray's now-signature hazy sleepwalk routine that's lasted a decade and a half now.

Of Course I'm Not Happy He's Dead, but...

I used to live 2 blocks from Dumont Burger, and now it turns out the owner has killed himself. Maybe it's because, as owner of Dressler as well, he realized he was responsible for the worst Thanksgiving menu ever?

Nice.

In the world of podcasting there are "gets" when it comes to interviews, and then there's getting Paul effing McCartney. Geez.

Paul McCartney: The former Beatle sat down with me for an this once in ten lifetimes, in depth interview about making music, The Beatles years, his days in Wings for a very cool conversation about everything from the making of Sgt. Pepper's to a Beatle sandwich (you'll have to listen to understand what it is).

America. We've Done It.

Cheeseburger-flavored SpagehttiOs.

Hell of a time to be alive, isn't it?

Chess Mate

I don't really know why I take such personal pride in Big Bear nurturing an active interest in chess as if I'm some champion handing off the baton; judging from my 0-17,229 won/loss record against my computer, I just might be the single worst chess player in history. Ugh.

Book Bullshittin'

Via Sully (natch) we see our Literary Lies:

INterestingly, because that's just the kind of cat I am, I've read 5 of the 7 books to the left (with no intentions of reading 50 Shades and Harry Potter, although at least that one holds a funny memory for me), 8 of 13 in the middle, and 0 of 7 to the right (and only care about reading 2.)

The Pine Tar Incident, II

Its all oral histories these days, and here's one for it:

Brett: Every year in spring training, I talk to all the minor leaguers. It is just me and them, no coaches, no nothing, and I talk for about 40 minutes. Then we do a question-and-answer, and there’s always some new kid in the organization, some 18-year-old kid out of high school, “Hey, tell me about the Pine Tar Game.” And it’s hard for me to really imagine and remember that these kids weren’t even born yet.

Prior to the Pine Tar Game, July 24, 1983, and after the World Series in 1980, every city I went to I was the hemorrhoid guy. I heard every hemorrhoid joke in the world. My best response is, ‘My troubles are all behind me.’ But from October of 1980 to July 24, 1983, that’s what I heard. And from July 24 to 2013, now I’m the pine-tar guy, so it’s really the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Thank you, Billy Martin, thank you, Graig Nettles. I went from having an embarrassing thing that people remembered you for to something positive.

Happy 30th Anniversary

To the Pine Tar Incident!

In an article in the 1984 Fordham Law Review ("In re Brett: The Sticky Problem of Statutory Construction"), Jared Tobin Finkelstein agreed with MacPhail's decision, pointing out that MacPhail had rendered what Aristotle called epieikeia -- favoring natural justice over strict interpretation.

Side note: Brett was part of another of baseball's funniest moments - getting picked off first base immediately after collecting his 3,000th hit. Awesome.

Runaway fucking Train

One of rock’s oldest and most trusted memes has been the ol’ “the minute a band blows up its immediately rejected by its ‘true’ fans who were there in the beginning when they were playing to 7 people in Podunkphuck, KY.” And one of the more defined demarcation lines for such a thing was Soul Asylum’s massive hit Runaway Train, released over 20 years ago now. As soon as it was plastered on te radio everywhere, fans of the band screamed “sellout!” and turned their back on them, as if after 10 years of sleeping on strangers’ couches Dave Pirner one day said oh fuck it, I’m just gonna write a massive hit. Because yes, that’s what people do. I’m actually one of the few people who loved the band before Runaway Train AND after. Not because of that song – it’s a good song but not really my thing. It probably did get played too much that summer, and if it had been safely tucked away on one of their albums that nobody bought, the real fans would be holding it up as “genius!” But the band remained the best live band in the world and the followup to Grave Dancers Union is a GREAT album that was of course overlooked because it didn’t include Runaway Train II. And of course the song became the veritable albatross around their necks, having to play it over and over for the new fans while their old ones howled with outrage.

ANYhoo, here’s a fantastic oral history of the song:

Pirner: I was just a punk-rock kid who never played acoustic guitar. Coincidentally, I had a tune that required an acoustic. Somehow I flipped the lyrics into a metaphor about depression. The thing that got it rolling was that I was in a very dark place, and I had somebody that I could call up in the middle of the night. [Laughs] That was it! It's almost embarrassing when I think about how personal it is. The things that were happening at that time in my life were really questioning my own mental health. When the lyric came, I did it in one sitting, but it took about four years for it to come to me.

Maybe even more famous was the video which featured the faces of kids who were, ta-da, runaways:

Kaye (video director): I think as music videos go, it must rank as one of the most important ones. Because it did something proactive for youth. Although Dave Pirner always said that he worried some kids were probably going back to situations that it might've been better for them not to have gone back to. But still it was maybe the most important thing I'll ever do.

I Will Say This

I left my one true love on the streets of Brooklyn.

You Were So Cool, You Could've Put Out Vietnam

There's plenty of reasons we forgive Shane MacGowan for being the biggest waste of talent ever. And this is one of them. Thanks, Sinbad O'Conner  ;)

Superslice

My life story, backwards. From first to worst.

Beatles Browbeat du Jour

50 Years ago Lennon/McCartney wrote She Loves You. Here's how:

Already maturing, the partnership’s writing formula can be heard here as the dual expression of Lennon’s downbeat cynicism and McCartney’s get-up-and-go optimism. Much of the pair’s musical originality derived from their self-taught willingness to let their fingers discover chord-sequences by exploring the architecture of their guitars rather than following orthodox progressions. Yet these choices were driven by the harmonies they used—and these arguably reflected the contrast of their temperaments. Even at this stage their relationship could be acerbic and they were capable of bickering vitriolically in public, though under this lay an enduring emotional bond and a steady respect for each other’s talent and intelligence which overrode their disagreements.

This is funny:

Paul then relates how they premiered the song to his father.  "We went into the living room - 'Dad, listen to this.  What do you think?'  So we played it to my dad and he said, 'That's very nice, son, but there's enough of these Americanisms around.  Couldn't you sing, "She loves you, Yes! Yes! Yes!"'  At which point we collapsed in a heap and said, 'No, Dad, you don't quite get it!'"

Previous Beatles Browbeat HERE.

Headline du Jour

Via some idiots over at MSNBC.com:

Um, gee, I dunno...let me look into my crystal ball: will spend a life of extreme comfort while being feted the world over?

Fucking Nostradamus over here...

Eerie, Again

I remember me & Op being weirded out when Do You Believe in Miracles happened to be on HBO the day Herb Brooks was killed. Whack. - XMASTIME

Dennis Farina has died. I'm not saying its the same as the Herb Brooks thing, but Midnight Run is on. Hmm.

I Guess This Means They're Serious After All

And so, the Royal baby has been born.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “wasn't your live-blogging during their wedding the single greatest internet moment of its generation?"

Sigh. Yes, faithful reaer. Enjoy it all over again.

You're welcome, Earth.

Midwest What?

Trish liked being Midwestern, talking about being Midwestern, and fashion.  

Via Sully, we see that nobody seems to know what the hell the Midwest is.

One thing about Midwesterners I do know, is that they love being Midwesterners:

Like a lot of people, I enjoy listening to A Prairie Home Companion. Though I might enjoy it even more if these people could go longer than 30 seconds without MARVELING at how midwestern they are. The main virtue apparently being not talking a whole lot. Unless, I guess, it's on radio.

KIDS IN PHILLY

For better or for worse, that's the album that will live forever. KIP is a snapshot in time, which makes it timeless.

Thoughts, barely, by Xmastime

The Blind Side being one of the most offensive "aren't white people WONDERFUL!??!?!" movies in recent memory means I'd like to see the opposite: some elite, 5-Star Blue Chip white quarterback from a rich family stays with a black family in the projects. It'd be called The Deaf Side: all of his demands ("organic Eggos", "wi-fi" etc) would be met with "I don't wanna hear about that shit."

Way to Go, Obama.

New Xmastime TV Recommendation

And the world's love affair with the great Chris O'Dowd continues with Moone Boy. I just watched the first episode and its fucking killer, go watch it right now on Hulu. I'll watch anything with O'Dowd in it but was pleasantly shocked that he's not even the funniest part about it; every look the little kid makes and everything he says are fucking LOL hysterical. Like Theodore Huxtable in the early seasons, I don't think this kid even knows there's a camera rolling. Dynamite.  Though I have no idea why its set in 1989.

Has NYC Given Up Because I Left?

Look, alls I'm saying is that in the 13 months since I've been gone the Yankees have completely tanked and now the MTA is considering selling naming rights for subway stations.

Might I suggest "You're About to Enter Nangulance"?

Camon, New York City - don't give up so easily!! You can go on without me!!

Is Jimmy Fallon a Goddam Genius?

Nothing bonds a group together faster than being able to look around and say "well, here we all are...The Uninsured." No judgements in that room, believe me...And, since I am The Blogger Who No Longer Can Be Embarrassed, I share these things with you people. - XMASTIME

In yet another brilliant pop culture move, Jimmy Fallon had Jesse & the Rippers play his show Friday night. And since I remain incapable of being embarrassed, I am quite fine admitting that somehow, someway, I actually  remember that leadoff song, Forever. Or whatever it is.

Sigh. Me: I'm really happening, aren't I?

Amazing Factoid I've Pointed Out Before

Four years ago on Xmastime:

I do not subscribe easily to conspiracy theories. One being that we faked the moon landing.

Until I did a little research and realized that on this day 40 years ago, exactly ONE MLB team did not play a game that day.

The Houston Astros.

Wtf?

Okay, and the Cardinals. But still. 2 teams off, and one is the Astros?.......on that day....?

Apollo 11 + 44

It just occurred to me that this is the first anniversary of the lunar landing without Neil Armstrong. Meaning we'll never, ever get to do my idea of getting them all back together one last time.

For all the pictures taken from Apollo 11 go HERE. Funny moon flag bit HERE. Creepy as shit coincidence shit HERE.

Interesting bit on Michael Collins:

But he also had a singular opportunity: He became the farthest man in the Universe. When he circled the far side of the Moon, the nearest people to him were thousands of kilometers away, and ignoring them, the rest of humanity was 400,000 kilometers distant. A quarter million miles.

As for Collins, a little while back a picture circulated the ‘net (shown at the top of this post). It shows the Lunar Module carrying Aldrin and Armstrong returning to orbit, about to rendezvous with the Command Module carrying Collins.

You’ve probably seen it; I have looked at this picture countless times. But it still startled me when I saw the caption someone had dreamed up for it: “Michael Collins is the only human being, living or dead, not in the frame of this picture.”

Mind? Blown.

I read Carrying the Fire last year. Loose, fascinating read, although this little tidbit never came up, that I recall. Here's the photo:

Really, Guy?

Is That Why They're Called Brownstones?

Why you have a stoop in NYC.  Prepare to throw the fuck up. Lottsa doo doo.

25 Years Ago Today: Midnight Run

The other day I read a celebration of the 25-year anniversary of the release of Bull Durham, and Xmastime buddy A Trifle Further reminded me that today is the day The Great Outdoors was released in 1988. I wouldn't normally think of 1988 as being a great year for movies but these two along with Midnight Run and Naked Gun means that its quite quickly in the running for a banner fucking year for movies. - XMASTIME

July 20 has a few things going on for it: the day we landed on the moon, the day of Wedding #2 and, more importantly, the day Xmastime superslice of superslices Midnight Run was released in 1988. A Trifle Further (the erstwhile Tinsel & Rot?) has a great post on this masterpiece:

“Midnight Run” was likely the second movie I saw starring Grodin (and, if I am to be honest, I didn’t pay much attention to his work in “The Great Muppet Caper”) and though I can’t say I’ve seen a ton of his other movies, I don’t see how he could be better than he was in “Midnight Run.” Never has an annoying, needling character been so endearing.

And De Niro and Grodin are perhaps at their best in the “litmus configuration” scene, which, if the Internet is to be believed (and if I find out the Internet is lying to me, I don’t know what I’ll do), was largely improvised.

PS - is this sequel happening or not?

As If You Needed This

8 Reasons The Replacements kicked ass live.

8. Besides all the fighting, slapping and drinking, they really did rock.
When talking about the Replacements, people always mention how they fought on stage, slapped the audience, and were generally just drunk all the time. But you know what, they were perfectly raw and honest live. They rock, man.

Firday Night Lights

When the movie version of Friday Night Lights came out I was immediately outraged and hated it; I felt it didn't even remotely touch on why the town was so dependent on football, that the very thing they found glory in was also what made them so pathetic. There was no mention of the 70s/80s oil boom & bust, or what as I look back on now was the first indicator of the end of the big box store in America.

But then the tv series came out and I fucking loved it....even though it didn't deal with any of that stuff from the book either. But for some reason, I accepted it.

I'm re-watching the movie right now and I hafta give credit where credit's due. Billy Bob is great in how he plays the coach as being a Texas high school football coach with such a light touch, even under so much pressure.

ALL MY FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS SHIT HERE. Buckle in, it's a lot.

PS - I wanna see an entire movie with the lollipop-sucking coach of Dallas Carter.

TV Food

Here's a list of 6 Food Shows We Wish Would Come back, and I wholeheartedly agree with each one. I only ask the list include my first, Cookin' Cheap, and also superslice Cooking Live with Sara Moulton. And Emeril, dammit!

SIDE XMAS
HERE'S AN ARTICLE about the sad demise/MTV-ization of the Food Network, the selling out of Anthony Bourdain, and the rebirth of Emeril.

I stand by what I wrote years ago, they blew it when they decided we were more interested in titties than cooking, as if you couldn't randomly pick any channel and land on some tasty chest fat.

McRoastingtodeath

A McDonald's in Queens was without a/c today:

Sweltering workers in an un-air-conditioned Washington Heights McDonald's decided enough was enough this afternoon, abandoning their posts to instead protest the dismal conditions they said they were forced to endure on the hottest day of the year. 

"In the middle of a heat wave like this, to be expected to stand in a hot kitchen with no air conditioning is inhumane and unsafe," said employee Jamne Izquierdo in a statement. "We are human beings. We've told McDonald's before that the air conditioning doesn't work and that we can't take the heat but they don't listen to us. We can't take it anymore. No one should have to work like this." 

Fucking brutal. And I've been there, of course:

I've always been a Barnes & Noble guy.  My first job when I moved to New York was across the street from one, and during the summer of 1999 the air conditioning in my office broke.  My boss thoughtfully decided he'd wait until the fall to fix it since it'd be cheaper; he even seemed to think he was doing me a favor (yes, I'm sure he "passed the savings on to me." Hmm.)  So every day I'd go in at 9am, rip through the day's work in 20 minutes, and then go across the street and read at B&N before checking back in at 5ish.

This Fucking Heat

Today was the hottest day since the evening in the summer of 1999 when I was naked on my bed laying ice cubes on my chest. Then the cable went out. Then, looking through my door into the kitchen, all of a sudden the toaster, which wasn't even on, burst into flames. I didn't even get up. "Seems about right," was all I could think. - XMASTIME

Sitting in my almost-freezing apartment after being in my almost-freezing office all day makes me shake my head with wonder re: how the fuck I survived those blazing fucking Brooklyn summers without a/c. And today NYC apparently set a new power usage record, breaking the record from June 22, 2011.

Going back through my archives, I see I posted about the goddam heat 6 times that day. Ugh. My favorite post of the day, however, was this one. Well, and this one.

Of course, there's always this:

3) With warm weather coming up I’m bracing myself for the inevitable advice we’ll get during the first heat wave: “Stay inside with the air conditoning on.” Really? Wow, thanks! Cause I was gonna cover myself in maple syrup, put on my heaviest wool sweater and spin in circles on the baking asphalt for a while. Jesus fucking christ. “Stay inside with the ac on.” If I could do that, Professor, then I wouldn’t give 2 shits about the fucking heat, now would I? That’s like if I wanna be a millionaire, “Have a million dollars in the bank!” thanks, assface.

Xmastime APB

Three years ago, I named Farrah Abraham my Teen Mom nom nom nom. And now she can't stop trying to get my attention.

First, there's having a kid while in high school. "Xmastime, I like fucking!"
Then, there's the fake tittays.
Then she does a porn film, getting pounded in the ass.
And now, of course, she's giving out lap dances.

Baby, please - stop trying so hard. I'll do you, relax. and not even just as a goof. But this string of somewhat questionable choices is starting to remind me of a certain somebody else...

"I can see Xmastime from my house!"

A Happy Thought

Anyone who doesn't believe in government regulation should spend some time in a DC cab. And if one day you hear that I've been arrested under the suspicion of killing a cab driver here, rest assured that I am indeed quite guilty. - moi, via Facebook (if we're not friends then yes, it's because I'm too good for you. Sorry!)

Anyone who's spent more than 30 seconds with me since I moved to DC has had the pleasure of hearing my rants about DC cabdrivers (they're the fucking worst), but today I got a fucking treat. Dude shot off joke after joke after joke, relentless like Henny Youngman. I was happy to tip him 100%. Awesome. My favorite:

Know where Michael Jackson went to college?
Bring 'em Young.

I'm Going to Hell, Duh

After surviving the Asiana Airline crash, a young girl gets run over by a vehicle and dies.

This is of course a tragedy and I know I'm going to hell for this, but didn'tthe same thing happen in Airplane!? Girl waiting on kidney transplant survives the crash landing, only to have her ambulance immediately crash?

Of Course.

Because Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen hasn't gotten enough credit or attention over the years, now there's a book out contending that his 1988 Berlin concert is a major reason for the fall of the Berlin Wall:

On June 19, 1988, on the Tunnel of Love Express Tour, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band played to their largest crowd ever, an open air show in East Berlin a year before the Berlin Wall fell. Introducing "Chimes of Freedom," Bruce took a moment to address the crowd in German:

Es ist schön in Ost-Berlin zu sein. Ich bin nicht für oder gegen eine Regierung. Ich bin gekommen, um Rock 'n' roll für euch zu spielen in der Hoffnung, dass eines Tages alle Barrieren abgerissen werden.
["It's great to be in East Berlin. I'm not for or against any government. I came here to play rock 'n' roll for you, in the hope that one day all barriers will be torn down."]

For that speech we looked to a new book by Erik Kirschbaum, Bruce Springsteen: Rocking the Wall. Subtitled "The Berlin Concert That Changed the World," the book makes the case that Springsteen's concert, and that statement in particular, was instrumental in the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989: "Because it was so short, it may be one of the most underappreciated anti-Wall speeches ever made. But considering that it was delivered inside East Germany, it probably did more to shake the Cold War barrier than all the anti-Wall speeches in West Berlin combined, by Kennedy in 1963, Reagan in 1987, and everyone else between."

But his Chimes of Freedom is an Xmastime superslice of superslices.

Writing, with Snoopy

State du Moi

I've grown such a sense of entitlement in my relatively new corporate life that this afternoon I was genuinely annoyed there was no soy sauce in the office fridge.

In Re-watching In the Shadow of the Moon...

...I can't help but be reminded of this. I mean, camon.

5) If you had been Buzz Aldrin on Apollo 11, wouldn’t you at least have thought about shoving Neil Armstrong aside and being the first man on the moon? I’ve read a lot about how he always resented Armstrong stepping on the moon first, him being the Commander of the flight. Hey, asshole – there was NO ONE ELSE ON THAT WHOLE WORLD!!! Who coulda stopped you? Let’s see: shove Armstrong aside and be known as the first man to set foot on another world, or as the guy named after the sound a vibrator makes. Tough one.

Weekend at Brothatime!!'s

Tootsies in the pool! And yes, loyal fans, the young lady on the right is none other than a certain Xmastime Hall of Famer...

Here's me with Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark, he of The Chinn Dome...and, apparently, some Dutch boy from the Make a Wish Foundation. Wtf?

OH yeah, the oh-so-terrifying Lost Corner Gang....they're not tough, they're not good at fighting, but they are pasty as hell. Yikes! Message received, guys! You're fucking blinding us!!!!!!

Sweet, Sweet Vindication

MOI, years ago:

I went to Yankee Stadium the other night with Rrthur (yes ladies, THAT Rrthur). Is there anything better than going to a baseball game? Nyet. The food, the open air, the bright colors of the field, everything's perfect. EXCEPT. What the fuck is up with the between-innings ROARING sound system - I wanna kick back, relax, talk to my buddy while the teams switch on the field and I'm barraged with this sound system that is apparently powered by jet engines. Are they scared that if there's not constant action on the field, I'll leave? christ. IT'S BASEBALL - nothing EVER happens on the field!!!!! And then during big moments I've got the scoreboard screaming at me to get up and MAKE SOME NOISE!! GET EXCITED!!!!!! Jesus. Dude, I'm fucking excited already; Im at the damn game! I know the bases are loaded and Jeter's up, I'm not fucking reading "The Bridges of Madison County" in the goddam stands. I know you're trying to distract me from the fact that I just paid $9 for a fucking hot dog, but enough. - XMASTIME

Oh, guess who agrees with me? Oh, nobody, just...HUEY FUCKING LEWIS!!!

1. The murmur of tens of thousands of people in a baseball park, vendors hollering about beer and hot dogs, along with the thrilling crack of a bat hitting a ball, an umpire's throaty call, and the occasional player’s whistle or cry of "I got it!" is a wonderful symphony of sounds that we almost never get to hear anymore. Fortunately, most venues halt the music when the action starts, but not always, and not exactly, and that can be doubly infuriating. And, yes, it’s often played too loud.

EMERGENCY XMASTIME TV ALERT

8-10pm, on the Military Channel: In the Shadow of the Moon.

Suuuuuuuuuuperslice of superslices.

Well, I guess you can see the whole thing here. Thanks, YouTube!

Photo du Jour

When you're a bigwig you get bigwig attention, and so I'd like to thank film auteur Will Larroca for sending me this classy photo of him and his fellow star Reid - the DeNiro to Larroca's Scorcese, one might say.

Thanks fellas, looking forward to the next classic.

THE MONSTER review HERE.

WILL WILL KILL review HERE.

14 Years Ago Today....

...David Cone pitched what had to be the most economical perfect game ever, with only 88 pitches. I can still see pitch after pitch sailing from 3 to 8, with helpless batters offering only weak miss after miss after miss. But of course what made the game truly magical was the fact that it happened to be Yogi Berra Day at The Stadium, and none other than Don Larsen threw out the first pitch. It was one of those spine-tingling moments in sports, and I'm glad I got to see all 88 pitches (on tv, of course.)

Proud Larrys

Marah has been touring with Blue Mountain, and everybody's fucking happy:

The Oxford show in particular seemed like a family affair, which was illustrated when they all jumped from the stage and performed a front-porch styled, uplifiting version of the gospel "I'll Fly Away" in the middle of the audience. It was apparent that both bands felt “at home”; Cary and Laurie basically were, and Dave is sort of an adopted son of the town. In “Tramp Art,” on Marah’s last record, Bielanko sang, “I’m Mississippi but I don’t know how”, which I think is the general feeling of the many long-time fans of the band I met at the Oxford show. No one really knows how Marah found an immediate home in Oxford right out of the gate, and no one cares. They’re just glad it happened.

Reunion

The Replacements gettting back together is the closest we'll ever get to The Beatles geting back together.

AC, Mofos

Earlier today I sung the praises of air conditioning; now I see an article from Arthur Miller in 1986 on the days before air-conditioning:

Every window in New York was open, and on the streets venders manning little carts chopped ice and sprinkled colored sugar over mounds of it for a couple of pennies. We kids would jump onto the back steps of the slow-moving, horse-drawn ice wagons and steal a chip or two; the ice smelled vaguely of manure but cooled palm and tongue.

And he (presumably, anyway) tapped Marilyn Monroe's sweet ass, so.

All-Star Game

Off course Robbie Cano gets hit by a pitch in, of all fucking things, the All-Star game. That's just the way the year has gone for the Yankees. Ugh.

Xmastime Classic, All-Star Game Edition

From July 23, 2009.

Like his father, I assume Big Bear will be an Orioles fan - hell, he's already got the hat, that's half the battle with kids. So I would declare my loyalty to my godson as being such that should, god forbid, something awful happen to his parents (feels like a tainted mayo incident, doesn't it? "Ugh, something's wrong with this deviled egg...something's not right." "Really? Let me try one!" boom! dead) and I need to raise him myself, I will toss aside my beloved Yankees and be an Orioles fan so we can watch the games every evening in solidarity.

Hey, what has 2 thumbs and ain't won dick since Cal Ripken was 23 years old?

THIS guy!

Wait, What?

It's been 17 years since That Thing You Do! came out? Are you shitting me?

Mo Mo Mo!

Mariano Rivera is so crazily off-the-charts awesome that it's taken him to do the unthinkable: make the Mets classy.

Exhuming McCarthy

I'm not an expert on the whole Jenny McCarthy anti-vaccination thing, but I fail to see why this should disqualify her from being a co-host on The View. First of all, it's not like she'll possibly be able to yammer about it non-stop. But most of all, she'll be sitting across the table from someone who thinks the Earth is flat, which should be way more frightening to everybody.

I think she'll be fine.

Xmastime Announcement

I will soon be announcing a new Official Office Crush.

For my past history of Office Crushes click here. Here's a nugget to enjoy:

First of all, yes I know I'm asking for trouble by having spent three years at this job and knowing that if I don't bring lunch from home I'm at the mercy of the vending machines, since there's no place to walk to within miles of the office.  So yes, off the bat, we can all agree I'm an idiot to begin with, and accept responsibility.  So a while ago I'm fucking starving, and since of course I didn't eat breakfast I'm willing to pay whatever it takes to have whatever the machines are willing to spit out at me, and after a few spins I see that the only thing even REMOTELY palatable is a fucking cheeseburger.  That's right, that most classy item of the vending foods family, the cheeseburger in a plastic wrapper.  Even I'M disgusted by the mere thought of it, but I'm desperate, so fuck it I buy it and throw it in the microwave, punch in 50 seconds - you know, the standard time for  lighting a dead bird on fire and eating it   flame-grilling a juicy sirloin burger with imported Wisconsin cheese - and stand next to it to wait.

Innnnnnnnnn walks My Office Crush.  I freeze like a deer in headlights, praying she doesn't come near the microwave and see what I'm "cooking," which of course means she walks right over to it and stands, patiently waiting for my plastic wrapper of turds to slightly warm up so she can heat up the half-cup of whole wheat penne pasta she'd thoughtfully brought from home.  She said hi to me and I said hi back, all the while using a Jedi mind trick to convey that whatever was in the microwave wasn't mine, but was someone else's, most likely the girl sitting quietly at a nearby table eating her salad while reading.  I started fussing with the coffee machine, and of course within seconds the microwave bell DING!ed.  I acted like I hadn't heard it, nor had a reason to; I stalled by walking over to the vending machine for chips, furrowing my brow while deciding which flavor of sensible baked chips to choose from; out of the corner of my eye I could see My Office Crush looking around and wondering who the fuck had left something in the microwave cooking and simply walked out of the café.  Just when I could tell she was gonna give up and take my "burger" out to set aside so "whoever had left it" could come back and get it, therein letting her cook her shit and get the fuck outta there so I can snatch up my ..."burger,"  juuuuuust as she's reaching to open the door and I'm finally about to exhale, the girl at the table nonchalantly looks up from her book and loudly says to me "your food's ready."

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Long story short, I now have to pull this fucking thing that mostly closely resembles a baby's full diaper out of the microwave about two feet in front of My Office Crush, with her disgust surely briefly distracted by wondering if it was possible I was a grown man who didn't understand what it means when a bell goes off and the light goes out on a microwave.  Great.  So now she knows I'm disgusting on the outside, about to be disgusting on the inside, AND a fucking idiot.  Great.  The Hat Trick of Repulsiveness.  Which I don't even know is a fucking word, to be honest with you.

Sigh.  Me.  I'm really happening, aren't I?

35 Things Most New Yorkers Do

From this list, these are the one's I've done:

1
3
6
8
10
11
12
17
18
19 (except fucking Lowerys)
20
25
26
27 (Except, of course, hot chicks.)
28
30
31
32
35

Eff You, AC H8rz

Article HERE making the case against the case against air conditioning:

A certain class of Americans—let's call them the brrr-geoisie—has come to see the air conditioner as a stand-in for everything that's wrong with the country and the world. In my neighborhood in Brooklyn, cafés now throw open their windows in the dead of summer. They won't succumb to a culture of gas-guzzling SUVs and soda-swilling layabouts! They'll give us a place to endure the heat, to suffer the heat, to pretend to enjoy the heat, all while we sit in sweaty judgment of our neighbors. I'm working in one of these fresh-air establishments right now, my neck damp, and I'm trying to imagine the alternate universe where this place would apply the same logic in January, and shut down its furnace so we all could work as God intended. But for the brrr-geoisie, the two extremes of temperature reside in different moral categories. If one end of the thermostat corresponds to a basic human need—for warmth on a winter night—the other reveals a shameful self-indulgence. Heat is good, cool is evil. What's behind this double standard? Why can't we learn to stop worrying and love the air conditioner?

The case against cooling, like certain other pillars of hipster sanctimony, stands on a foundation of half-formed ideas and intuitions.

These are probably the same jerkoffs who tell anyone who will listen they don't watch tv, which makes them better than you of course.

And of course you know my stance on the issue:
Today is the 110th birthday of air conditioning, which ironically is doing as much to increase global warming as anything else, but I could give a shit, I'd rather the planet burst into the Sun 200 years from now than go one minute not in absolute comfort....nay, extreme comfort.

Overlooked Band du Jour

I don't think people are remembering how fucking amazing Generation X were. For instance, their debut album is not only a classic, but gee, it fucking left off Your Generation AND Wild Youth, and was still awesome. And yes white people, that song you learned to dance to, Dancing with Myself, was originally on a Gen X album.

1600 vs. 2400

You have to know your audience when comparing SAT scores. For instance, 1250 to one generation is okay, but to the next generation it's laughable.

Williamsburg, II

Gothamist has all the footage you want of fat Italian dudes lifting the Giglio this past Sunday during the festival.

It is, actually, one of the things I miss about Williamsburg:

Day 1: I've always like the Giglio. Italian sausages everywhere, 300lb Italian dudes going batshit, hot girls everywhere, reminds me of the first time I ever visited NYC. And you can always win a 4-foot panda. Not bad.

Genius.

McDonald's is "helping" their employees out by giving them a sample budget to work from. See if you can spot the MOST funny line below.

 

Maybe they can advise them to satisfy their wives by having another dude fuck her too?

Williamsburg

Has reached Defcon Monday Morning QB. Wow.

6. Walking across the Williamsburg Bridge, from Manhattan to Brooklyn, and experiencing Brooklyn. Cool experience, just walking aimlessly through Williamsburg on a stormy Friday night, seeing a neighborhood I'd never seen. 

Johnny's Gonna Die

Johnny Thunders woulda been 61 today. But of course he was too cool to go all the way to 40.

All-Star Sucking

Apparently the MLB All-Star game started its disastrous slide 20 years ago in Baltimore:

The 1993 All-Star Game changed the way managers handled using players: Fearing that they would suffer the same wrath Gaston did for not using Mussina with the hometown fans looking on, managers were careful to create rotations that could showcase every one of the fans' favorites—leading to the game where they ran out of players.

Today, managers still seem to operate under the premise that they had better get every player in the game, or else face criticism like Gaston did 20 years ago. And the game has suffered for it. So if you're not happy with the state of baseball's All-Star Game, blame it on Baltimore.

 "But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “don't you fucking hate the godam All-Star game?"

Yes. Yes I do.

MLB is still searching for solutions to a problem that doesn't exist by tinkering with the All-Star Game. Wow! Awesome! It's almost perfect guys, don't give up!! Well, except for the fact that nobody fucking gives two shits about it, and the idea that the winner determines the home field advantage in the World Series is beyond asinine. The only people who care about this game are Bud Selig and the company that prints up all the fucking ballots.

Quit trying to make the All-Star game "mean something," and just get fucking rid of it. Have three days of those sausage races, that would be less destructive to the game.

Better Later Than Never

I was off the grid yesterday so I didn't get to spread my own birfday cheer as I normally do re: Bastille Day, so belatedly enjoy.

Nobody could remotely give two shits Some people have been clamoring for last year's brilliant THINGS TO LIKE ABOUT FRANCE series that I posted throughout last Bastille Day, so here they are:

The Uniforms

Ratatouille

Winning Our Revolutionary War

Remembrance of Things Past

First Lady

French Class

Croissants

Oh for Fuck's Sake

Just in time for my yearly reminder to you re: how much of a Francophile I am, France decides to become the ugly American in the room themselves. Sigh.

How Worldly IS Xmastime?

I am obsessed with the French Revolution, moving to London, Egg Foo Young, and the fact that Australia is packed to the gills with every poisonous snake imaginable. Dig it, ladies.

Le Nuit, Tous Les Chats Sont Gris

Bastille Day is tomorrow, so prepare yourself with the 11 Weirdest True Stories about the French Revolution:

In his diary for July 14, 1789, Louis XVI simply wrote “nothing,” referring to a hunting trip he took earlier in the day.

As you know, the French Revolution is my favorite revolution.

Also, the tennis court thing is still funny.

Great Article

Nothing beats oral histories these days, including this one on the Hall of Famer-loaded 1964 All-Star Game, the last time before this Tuesday the game was played at Shea.

PEPITONE It was a totally different game then. Now it’s more of a comedy. Kids out there laughing. We wanted to beat the other team and beat them bad. You saw Rose slide full blast into Fosse in an All-Star Game. Today, a guy slides and the other guy helps him up. If I did that, Ralph Houk would have grabbed me by the eyeballs. 

Previous amazing Joe Pepitone story via Xmastime's bff Denny McLain HERE.

Great Pepitone story via Xmastime superslice Jim Bouton HERE.

1-2-3-4

Via Rolling Stone you can post your favorite Ramones song. This is of course an impossible task, but I did at least try it a while back.

And yes, I realize I somehow forgot Bonzo Goes to Bitburg (which might actually be #1), Something to Believe In, and She Belongs to Me. And Censorshit. And Poison Heart. No wonder I whittled it down to 16. Oh, I Believe in Miracles.

And I have no idea who tried to spell Today You Love, Tomorrow the World.

Thoughts, Barely, by Xmastime

I feel like if I could pull off adding a laugh track to The Deer Hunter, there's nothing I couldn't do.

YES!!!

Speaking of Bill Cosby, Comedy Central will be airing his first comedy special since the all-time Xmastime slice of superslices Himself aired 30 years ago!!!

Now, after decades in which that film spawned The Cosby Show and influenced comics who continue to sing its praises to this day—albeit mostly while standing, still having yet to master the chair—Cosby is coming back. Comedy Central has announced it will air Bill Cosby: Far From Finished on November 24, Cosby’s first comedy special since Himself, and the first time anyone has seen him do a stand-up set outside of the live audiences who have seen him on tour. 

A    W    E   S    O   M   E!!!!!!!!!!

The only time I saw him laugh out loud, uncontrollably, was in that chair when I played him a tape of “Bill Cosby: Himself.” I found myself gleefully skipping around, saying “oooh, listen to this bit! Hey, listen to this one, it’s HYSTERICAL!!!” and watching him laugh like I never had seen before. Was a great moment; maybe the most “adult/peer” moment we ever had, if not the only. - XMASTIME

Happy Birfday

Some Xmastime greats share a birthday today. Happy Birfday guys!

Rock of Ages

There's no way it didn't take at least 300 takes for Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand to get through this without cracking up. Wow.

Great. Now We're Gonna Piss Off the Sharks.

I love how on Snakes on a Plane, it's not enough that people are on a plane along with hundreds and hundreds of severely agitated, poisonous snakes. The writers decided "you know what, we should probably have them flying through a horrendous lightning storm too." Why not throw in some Saudis with boxcutters, or Gary Busey with a case of vodka and a motorbike? Just in case the snakes don't do the job. - XMASTIME

Before Sharknado tonight, the movie about sharks that make up a tornado we've been waiting for all these years, there's a movie called Super Shark, about a bullet-proof shark that ta-da! can walk on land.

What's next, movies about sharks taking over Congress and legislating bills making it easier to chomp on us with a little tartar sauce? How long til the sharks see this shit and get miffed that we need to add all this scary to them to make them scary, that their being able to eat us just isn't enough anymore? Fucking hell.

On a side note, today happens to be the day Filmvetter has reviewed Jaws. Enjoy.

On a side side note, the blurb on the poster "Enough said!" is absolutely true, as in it's the best example of this since a certain other little gem of American cinema:

7) I’m fairly certain that Snakes on a Plane is the first movie ever where just the title will suffice. You hear that title, you’re like wow…fucking awesome! And you have no need or desire to even see the movie, but would have no problem handing over $10 just for hearing the title."I get it."

Photoshop du Jour

Via Deadspin. Funnier because Jeter finally came back today. And, of course, got hurt.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Xmastime Classixxx

Hey, I Found a Quarter from 1965

Here's some things that happened in 1965:

- The Beatles released Help! and Rubber Soul, along with double-sided single We Can Work It Out/Day Tripper and the movie Help!
- Lyndon B. Johnson proclaimed his "Great Society" during his State of the Union Address; nobody shouted out "you lie!", presumably because he was white.
- Winston Churchill, in the news again, died; funeral takes place with the largest assembly of statesmen in the world until the funeral of Pope John II, still holds record for largest assembly of statesmen murmuring "you know, he really DOES look like every newborn baby I've ever seen" to each other.
- First American troops entered Vietnam, Jane Fonda.
- Malcom X is assassinated, leaving Malcom XI very nervous to go out in public.
- The Marches on Selma.  Her sister Patty, unfortunately, still couldn't attract any men.
- The Astrodome opens in Houston, doesn't help the Astros win dick and is a fucking pain in the ass to dust.
- The World's Fair opens in Queens, presumably to give Mets fans a reason to not hang themselves.
- First pictures of Mars taken exactly 7 years before my birth, prolly why I sent away for pictures of Mars in the 4th grade and didn't get laid until the following year. 
- Dylan went electric with Highway 61 Revisited, almost making his being responsible for the Wallflowers being unleashed on us somewhat bearable.  Almost.
- Lyndon Johnson signs Medicare and Medicaid into law; somewhere in Kenya a 4 year-old boy cackled with glee as his diabolical plan to destroy Jesus and his scrappy, lovable sidekick Baby Jesus by allowing people access to somewhat affordable healthcare was off to a great start.
- The Beatles played Shea Stadium; world record for women drenched in urine set, remaining unbroken until Chuck Berry and R. Kelly bump into each other backstage at a Flashdancers.
- Hurricane Betsy rips apart New Orleans; "she sounded like such a nice hurricane" disgruntled residents bitch and moan. Causes $1.42M in damage - "I think we can do a little better than that" a confident Yale sophomore avows to his fellow Skull & Bones chums.
- Castro announces anyone who wants to can emigrate from Cuba to the US; US scrambles furiously to tidy the place up.
- Pillsbury Doughboy created; decades later still a fat pasty fuck, shucking and jiving and making a fool of himself to get kids to eat what they'd walk barefoot for a mile over broken glass to eat anyway.
- A Charlie Brown Christmas made it's debut.
- Gemini 6 and Gemini 7 perform the first controlled rendezvous in Earth orbit; entire country is enthralled, only to be crushed when they break up only 72 days later.
- 70mph speed limit is imposed on British roads, fucking dumb crackers still drive on the wrong side of the road anyway.