/* MOBILE FIX: stop forcing desktop min-width */
@media screen and (max-width: 800px) {
body {
min-width: 0 !important;
}
.content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner {
min-width: 0 !important;
max-width: 100% !important;
width: auto !important;
}
.main-inner .columns {
padding-left: 0 !important;
padding-right: 0 !important;
}
}
.date-header {
background: #000 !important;
display: block !important;
width: 100% !important;
padding: 8px 12px !important;
box-sizing: border-box !important;
}
.date-header span {
background: transparent !important;
}
.post-header-line-1 {
display: block !important;
width: 100% !important;
background: #000 !important;
padding: 8px 12px !important;
box-sizing: border-box !important;
}
.post-header-line-1 * {
background: transparent !important;
}
/* --- XMastime fixes: titles + date bars + mobile --- */
/* Post titles: stop random centering */
h3.post-title,
h2.post-title,
.post-title {
text-align: left !important;
}
/* Date header: make the black bar extend full width */
.post-header-line-1 {
display: block !important;
width: 100% !important;
background: #000 !important;
padding: 8px 12px !important;
box-sizing: border-box !important;
}
.post-header-line-1 * {
background: transparent !important;
text-align: left !important;
}
/* Mobile: stop forcing huge desktop width */
@media screen and (max-width: 800px) {
body {
min-width: 0 !important;
}
.content-outer,
.content-fauxcolumn-outer,
.region-inner {
min-width: 0 !important;
max-width: 100% !important;
width: auto !important;
}
.main-inner .columns {
padding-left: 0 !important;
padding-right: 0 !important;
}
}
/* FORCE post titles consistent */
.post-title,
.post-title a,
h2.post-title,
h3.post-title {
text-align: left !important;
}
/* FORCE full-width date bar across common Blogger structures */
.date-header,
.date-header span,
.post-header,
.post-header-line-1,
.post-header-line-1 span,
.post-outer .post-header-line-1,
.post-outer .post-header,
.blog-posts .post-header-line-1 {
display: block !important;
width: 100% !important;
background: #000 !important;
box-sizing: border-box !important;
padding: 8px 12px !important;
margin: 0 !important;
}
/* prevent inner bits from “breaking” the bar */
.date-header *,
.post-header *,
.post-header-line-1 * {
background: transparent !important;
text-align: left !important;
}
/* MOBILE: stop the fixed 1218px width behavior */
@media screen and (max-width: 800px) {
body,
.content-outer,
.content-fauxcolumn-outer,
.region-inner {
min-width: 0 !important;
max-width: 100% !important;
width: auto !important;
}
.main-inner .columns {
padding-left: 0 !important;
padding-right: 0 !important;
}
}
/* DATE HEADER: make the black bar go full width */
.date-outer,
/* FORCE FULL WIDTH DATE BAR NO MATTER WHAT */
.date-outer,
.date-posts,
.date-posts h2,
.date-posts h3,
.date-header,
h2.date-header,
h3.date-header {
display: block !important;
width: 100% !important;
background: #000 !important;
padding: 10px 12px !important;
box-sizing: border-box !important;
margin: 0 0 18px 0 !important;
}
/* force the TEXT itself orange and remove any weird inner box */
.date-posts span,
.date-header span,
.date-posts h2 span,
.date-posts h3 span {
background: transparent !important;
color: #ff6600 !important;
display: block !important;
width: 100% !important;
}
-->
Monday, December 29, 2008
Wedding Reception by the Numbers
Number of hours from start of wedding til my best man toast (ie could start drinking): 7 Number of times before speech I was advised to "say something nice about the bride" and "don't work blue"; as if it was assumed I'd recite my thesis on "Why Do Squirrels Fist?" before drop-kicking the mic into the bride's throat: 2,188 Number of big laughs from crowd during speech: 8 Number of big "awwwwwwwww"s from crowd during speech: 2 Number of my ex-girlfriends I referenced: 1 Number of my ex-girlfriends I referenced who was present: 1 Number of Bridesmaids I'd marry today if they'd have me: 3 Number of Bridesmaids I'll prolly ever speak to again: 0 Number of times I pretended to have a gout flare-up to get out of dancing: 4 Number of times I remarked "boy, this place, looks like we're on the Titanic": 6 Number of times I followed up with "I'm the king of the world": 2 Number of bridesmaids I told looked like Kate Winslet: 1 Number of bridesmaids that were flattered by this: 0 Number of bridesmaids I told looked like Kate Winslet and, upon getting nowhere with this, added that she also looked like Kim Kardashian: 1 Number of bridesmaids that were flattered by this: 0 Percentage of speech during which I debated whether or not to pretend to get choked up, melting the ladies' hearts throughout the room and greasing the skids for some post-reception "tenderness": 100 Number of times I choked up: 0 Post-reception tenderness: 0
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