Monday, April 30, 2012
GIRLS, Cont.
It's bad enough we hafta suspend belief so much as to accept that the British one would 1) get a job (isn't she rich?) 2) not let Hanna have the job since she's the one that's been cut off, but showing up for the interview in a see-through dress? For a babysitting job? Really? Come the fuck on with that shit.
This Week's GIRLS Review
Beagles are Cute (and Useful!)
Daring raid to rescue some beagles this past weekend. Am I the only one who gets what is obvious - this was done by the GOP to overshadow tomorrow being the one-year anniversary of Obama's daring raid to kill Osama bin Laden?
I mean, REALLY, Republicans? Using cute little beagles for political points? I am CHAGRINED!!!!!!!!
"Show me the birth certificate, asshole!"
I mean, REALLY, Republicans? Using cute little beagles for political points? I am CHAGRINED!!!!!!!!
"Show me the birth certificate, asshole!"
Tea Party Candidates Are Real Americans Who Stand By Their Principles Unless Something Better Comes Along
Moi ICI two years ago:
Gee. Quel suhpreeze.
This mythology that Tea Partiers are gonna get into DC and "fuck some shit up!!" because they're "real" is laughable. How do we know this, you ask? Anybody remember the name Scott Brown? That's right, wasn't it only a few months ago that Scott Brown was gonna get to the Senate and change everything? Gee, what's happened since? Have you even heard his name once since then? Of course not. He's slipped very nicely into the warm, soothing bubble, very at home with the $14 tuna sandwiches and rounds of golf with hookers for caddies. I promise you Scott Brown will throw each and every Tea Partier that got him elected under the bus come 2013 to hold onto his job. Scott Brown will torch Fenway while sucking Derek Jeter's dick before he gives up his seat in the Senate.And heeeeeeeey, whaddya fucking know: those very Tea Party candidates who were going to "fundamentally change DC", fueled by furious outrage over the bailouts and "big government", are happily taking $crillah from the very banks that were bailed out.
Gee. Quel suhpreeze.
Honesty. It Stings.
Xmastime: Really? I thought I was.
Big Bear: What - you're not even in my Top 3!!!!
Sigh.
;)
Oh, For Fuck's Sake
Because the only sitcom worse than her sitcom is her other sitcom, Whitney Cummings is getting yet another fucking tv show:
This morning, E! announced that it will be adding Love You, Mean It With Whitney Cummings to its schedule. I'm going to go out on a limb and say she doesn't in fact "mean it." It's going to be paired with The Soup on Wednesday nights and will feature Whitney and sidekick Julian McCullough making fun of pop culture. Considering that both of her other shows also feature a lot of that sort of humor, it makes me wonder if she has a Woody Allen-like drawer filled with ideas, but in her case it's packed with 14,000 punchlines ending in "Kim Kardashian's ass."I'm sure we all know how I feel about Whitney, and now she is officially the Jack White of television.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
1960's British Mrs. Xmastime du Jour
Eleanor Bron.
Poor George...is thee ANY doubt that Paul banged her out maybe 8 seconds after this was shot?
Poor George...is thee ANY doubt that Paul banged her out maybe 8 seconds after this was shot?
Thing I Am Miffed About Aujourd-hui
My Nixon riff has never caught on as a viral meme. I mean, come the fuck on already.
She Loads Up On Breadsticks Before the Pizza Comes?
Bride's Headlights On When She Gets Out of the Car At Westminster Abbey?
10 Years Burning Down the Road? Nowhere to Run? Ain't Got Nowhere to Go?
She Loads Up On Breadsticks Before the Pizza Comes?
Bride's Headlights On When She Gets Out of the Car At Westminster Abbey?
- During Reading, the Bride's Brother Mentions His Album Drops Next Tuesday on iTunes?
10 Years Burning Down the Road? Nowhere to Run? Ain't Got Nowhere to Go?
"You Mean the Pretty Boy Who Made Me Look Bad in the Debates? What Just Happened in Dallas?"
Good News, Bad News
Apparently, I am the perfect man:
Who can free himself from achievementOn a side note, Sully's shiterature seems a lot more sophisticated than my own.
And from fame, descend and be lost
Amid the masses of men?
He will flow like Tao, unseen.
He will go about like Life itself
With no name and no home.
Simple is he, without distinction.
To all appearances he is a fool.
His steps leave no trace. He has no power.
He achieves nothing, has no reputation.
Since he judges no one
No one judges him.
Such is the perfect man:
His boat is empty.
My Day!
Since I'm feeling generous with you people, here's some Xmastime gems from that day (bold denotes post title if applicable):
__________________________________________________________
- On one hand, I'm miffed he's stealing my future wife. On the other, his getting married takes him off the market, therein removing my competition and returning me to my rightful place as The World's Most Eligible Bachelor. Thanks, King Dickhead!
- I look forward to the first time someone points out to me that I wasn't invited to the Royal Wedding, just so I can put on a self-knowing smile and look wistfully off into the distance before saying "oh, friend...wasn't I?" and then walk away chuckling to myself.
- Bride's Headlights On When She Gets Out of the Car At Westminster Abbey?
- Someone Cutting Onions in Here?
I admit it - the big overhead shot of her at the end of her walk down the aisle got me a little bit. A little too How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria, wasn't it? HEY - I'M NOT A ROBOT!!!
- William Arthur Phillip Louis
That "Louis" (pronounced "Lew-ee") sounds pretty jarring within that name, no? Like Lord Mountbatten Von Frankie the Rat, no?
- Kanye West being invited to the wedding and then not breaking in on Kate's brother's Bible reading with "Yo, Jimmy, I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but the Bible reading at Albert and Victoria's wedding was the best of all time!" means the British aren't really as funny as we thought, doesn't it?
- There are apparently more black people at the Royal Wedding than at a Springsteen concert.
- Has Trump demanded the bride show her virgin papers yet?
- God Save the Queen
At this moment, you KNOW there's about 100 million people across America thinking "you're damn RIGHT you better sing America the Beautiful, queers!"
- During Reading, the Bride's Brother Mentions His Album Drops Next Tuesday on iTunes?
- Ill be honest: I'll be disappointed if "going into that most cherished, unaccessible part of Westminster Abbey to sign the wedding registry" is not a euphemism. Can't they come out with their clothes disheveled? Camon. Hell, I might use it myself; it's much classier than when I say I'm about to "polish off a tube of Pringles, heh heh heh."
- England flawlessly pulls off the Wedding of the Century while we're egging on a guy with the worst comb-over in the world to careen around the world "wondering" if our President is American or smart enough to go to college without white charity. Of course.
- Sooooo...Who's Gonna Tell Him?
- "Harry Just Cut One!"
- "How YOU Doin'?"
- "Another New Pair of Diamond Earrings? Really?"
- "White? Oh, HELL No!"
- "Oh, Shit...Harry IS the Handsome One..."
- Ah Yes: The Single Greatest "Pull My Finger" in History
- Is There NOTHING McDonald's Can't Get Their Mitts On?
- Life makes no sense. I work at a celebrity magazine. No move from any A to F-list celebrity goes unnoticed. There's also an entire style section. Most of the staff is women, and I'm maybe the only straight guy there. And yet from what I can gather, I am the only person in the office who got up at 5:30am to watch the Royal Wedding. Wtf?
- "I guess Xmastime isn't gonna come and save me from this after all. Damn you, free pizza day at the office!"
- "Weeeeell...I see the Archbishop is rather pleased to see me..."
- Another person smarter than me wants to point out the silliness of our coverage of the Royal Wedding:
As you read this, the big three morning shows -- "Good Morning America," "Today" and "The CBS Morning News" -- are continuing to re-hash, analyze and replay the ceremony on tape while going live to various correspondents and experts in England and elsewhere. The morning shows usually run two hours -- more if an affiliate takes their built-in spillover, but for the sake of argument let's just say they did two hours' worth, and add that to the overnight coverage, which ran four hours, bringing the total to six. And then let's ask ourselves this question: When's the last time the top guns of the American electronic media covered an event, any event, for six hours straight without any significant interruption, at any hour of the day or night?I'd say the answer to that is several days up to and including two days ago, when the media shut down to follow Donald Trump around and report and analyze and re-report and re-analyze everything that came out of his mouth, which was probably only until Charlie Sheen decided to start talking again anyway. Covering the Royal Wedding makes our media look like The Algonquin Round Table compared to how it usually looks.
- Now everybody in the office is watching the re-run, so I'm enjoying being the only one who's already seen it, smugly pointing out "oh, I remember this!" and emitting that "I dunno, things might fall apart here..." high-pitched hum at various intervals.
Hey, I have so few victories in this life, I gotta savor the flavor when I get one, playahs.
Hey, I have so few victories in this life, I gotta savor the flavor when I get one, playahs.
- Xmastime, For the Spare.
- I'm so depressed this wedding is over. I've been to weddings of people I've loved, and not thought twice about them afterwards.
Anyway, I'm glad I saw it happen live. All the incredible stories of Americans over there, the camaraderie et al on the streets of London, make me feel like I was a small part of it, even if only thousands of miles away via television.
Anyway, I'm glad I saw it happen live. All the incredible stories of Americans over there, the camaraderie et al on the streets of London, make me feel like I was a small part of it, even if only thousands of miles away via television.
- I was surprised that they included the "if anyone objects, say so now or forever hold their peace" bit in such a wedding. I mean, that's a pretty big matzah ball to leave out there, no?
- "The Beckhams are Here? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!"
- It's very easy for me to imagine why we're all so wrapped up in this wedding. In our earliest days of childhood, we're told wondrous stories of kings and queens and princes and princesses, stories either of history or fairy tales. The fairy tales were as real as the Disney characters we so closely followed at the same age, so when we get a chance to witness actual royalty doing historic, royal things that we forget exists in a modern world, it's exciting - it's as close a connection to those kings and queens of our imaginations as we could ever possibly come in real life. And in today's day and age, with this couple in particular, it's easy for us to watch such a ceremony handed down through thousands of years of stoic, British tradition and know that there will also be a night a year from now during which these two people will be laughing at The Hangover 2 while dusting off a bag of Cheetos.
More importantly, there is a generational touchstone to such an event that will be remembered for years and years to come - I remember getting up at 4am to watch Charles and Diana's wedding, and here I am watching his son do the same thirty years later, at what turns out to be almost exactly the same age as my own father was (him that day 38 years, 7 months, and 17 days, me today at 38 years, 9 months, and 15 days.) Throw in the world's collective memory of "I watched this boy grow up, from being born to his mother's funeral and now this morning," and it's easy to get caught up in things. It's also why we'll probably pay attention to Harry's wedding more than we cared about Charles' brothers' weddings - when children lose their mother, their community always feels possessive and wants to help protect them. I've been there, maybe that's why I'm so connected to these boys; meanwhile, their community just happens to be most of the planet.
Of COURSE the whole thing is kind of silly in and of itself, and NO it's not going to change your life, but if one moment can encapsulate everything in this post then that's a pretty good moment, and moments like that can add up to make us happier than we'd otherwise be.
Most days are forgettable at best, willfully forgettable at worst. This was not one of them.
More importantly, there is a generational touchstone to such an event that will be remembered for years and years to come - I remember getting up at 4am to watch Charles and Diana's wedding, and here I am watching his son do the same thirty years later, at what turns out to be almost exactly the same age as my own father was (him that day 38 years, 7 months, and 17 days, me today at 38 years, 9 months, and 15 days.) Throw in the world's collective memory of "I watched this boy grow up, from being born to his mother's funeral and now this morning," and it's easy to get caught up in things. It's also why we'll probably pay attention to Harry's wedding more than we cared about Charles' brothers' weddings - when children lose their mother, their community always feels possessive and wants to help protect them. I've been there, maybe that's why I'm so connected to these boys; meanwhile, their community just happens to be most of the planet.
Of COURSE the whole thing is kind of silly in and of itself, and NO it's not going to change your life, but if one moment can encapsulate everything in this post then that's a pretty good moment, and moments like that can add up to make us happier than we'd otherwise be.
Most days are forgettable at best, willfully forgettable at worst. This was not one of them.
- "The Gorton's Fisherman, Gee, We've NEVER Heard That One Before, you Fucking Twat!"
- My favorite h8rs are the guys that claim watching the wedding is gay because it's people that will never know or give two shits about us, and then put on their $200 "authentic!" Giants jersey to scream their heads off for Eli Manning every week. Interesting.- Why are wedding vows exchanged in the beginning of the ceremony? I mean, after five minutes, they were offically married. Then we had to sit around for another 55 minutes. Isn't the exchange of vows the climax? I don't start out a session of lovemaking by jizzing on a girl's tits, and THEN spend an hour slowly dripping vodka into her water drop by drop, do I? What the hell?
Also, isn't part of the fun secretly hoping that the second before the "I do", someone will freak out and not do it? Wouldn't it be good to at least have that to look forward to during the ceremony? Get that out of the way so quickly, and you're basically just sitting around in a suit listening to crappy songs that nobody really cares about.
Also, isn't part of the fun secretly hoping that the second before the "I do", someone will freak out and not do it? Wouldn't it be good to at least have that to look forward to during the ceremony? Get that out of the way so quickly, and you're basically just sitting around in a suit listening to crappy songs that nobody really cares about.
If It's An Homage to Motown...
...then why does the song go on for 4:23? How could you have a line saying:
No expense accounts, or lunch discountsI mean, to actually SAY that's how long the song should be, and then adding another minute, I dunno...but it's still a superslice :)
Or hypeing up the charts,
The band went in, 'n knocked 'em dead, in 2 min. 59
Saturday, April 28, 2012
If You're Gonna Dedicate Your Life to Knowing The Beatles Then You Might Wanna Know The Beatles
This loosely hinged wonderful Beatles fan is painstakingly putting together a series of books, or something, on John Lennon:
Anyhoo, I reckon that's all fine and good, and I don't wanna be "that guy" but then I see this:
On a side note, their concert in DC a few days later is coming to movie theaters! :)
Kessler narrates all of this in her nine-part series on Lennon, which uses a novel format to Lennon's biography...her series of books are thoroughly researched, factual and annotated, she said.
"I started in 1986, it published in 2008, that was doing research, editing, going to Liverpool for seven years to do the interviews. The second book took another three and a half years after that. And now I'm working on the third book."
It's a project she estimates will take 46 years to complete. She's planned a nine-book "factional" series to document Lennon's life in a novel format.So...putting together this project will take 6 years longer than Lennon's actual life lasted. Hmm.
Anyhoo, I reckon that's all fine and good, and I don't wanna be "that guy" but then I see this:
"The Beatles are a perfect example of that kind of 'overnight success,'" Kessler said. "On the 8th of February, 1964, they appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show; 73,700,000 people tuned in, the largest television audience that had ever watched a program before in the United States. They played three songs, then went to commercial, then played one more song. So if you total that up, that comes to about 10.5 minutes," Kessler said.
"Not one single crime was committed (in New York) during that 10 minutes. Everybody was tuned in to that show. The next morning the papers read: 'Beatles: Overnight success.' But you know what? That overnight success started with ... John Lennon in 1957."Umm...they played FIVE songs on Ed Sullivan that night, not four. All My Loving/Til There Was You/She Loves You/I Saw Her Standing There/I Want To Hold Your Hand. Enjoy the full story HERE (as well as the 1999000 books written about them.) So this woman has dedicated her life to studying every minute detail of John Lennon's life, and she gets THIS wrong? Really?
On a side note, their concert in DC a few days later is coming to movie theaters! :)
On February 11, 1964, two days after their record shattering appearance on "The Ed Sullivan Show," The Beatles traveled by train through a snowstorm to Washington, D.C. to perform their first-ever concert before an American audience at The Washington Coliseum, before an overbooked audience of 8,092 screaming (mostly female) teenagers. Their 12-song set that lasted a little over a half-hour and included both chart-topping originals like "She Loves You" and high-energy covers like "Twist and Shout." Professionally filmed by an eight-camera crew and mixed live on location, the show was broadcast a month later via closed-circuit to movie theaters across America to two million teenagers. The film of the concert was then lost and remained unseen in its entirety by audiences for over 47 years! The original master tapes have now been restored and re-mastered and the entire concert, the ONLY complete Beatles concert available to fans, is included in The Beatles: The Lost Concert.Reminds me of when I saw A Hard Days Night at the Film Forum, complete with people yelling and screaming at the screen. Awesome.
Cussing is Cool
SULLY has been posting about the clever, ornate style of British swearing as opposed to the brutish, repetitive style of Americans; in my mind the exception might be the great Sex Pistols song Bodies: "Fuck this and fuck that, fuck it all and fuck the fucking brat."
Suck it, Brits! You CAN sink to our level!! HA!
Suck it, Brits! You CAN sink to our level!! HA!
One Year Later
Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of The Royal Wedding, ie the single greatest day of my pathetic life, so of course I'm watching the rerun on TLC right now. Somewhere out there my high school football coach is reading this, shaking his head "I knew it."
Since I'm feeling generous with you people, here's some Xmastime gems from that day (bold denotes post title if applicable):
__________________________________________________________
- On one hand, I'm miffed he's stealing my future wife. On the other, his getting married takes him off the market, therein removing my competition and returning me to my rightful place as The World's Most Eligible Bachelor. Thanks, King Dickhead!
- I look forward to the first time someone points out to me that I wasn't invited to the Royal Wedding, just so I can put on a self-knowing smile and look wistfully off into the distance before saying "oh, friend...wasn't I?" and then walk away chuckling to myself.
- Bride's Headlights On When She Gets Out of the Car At Westminster Abbey?
- Someone Cutting Onions in Here?
I admit it - the big overhead shot of her at the end of her walk down the aisle got me a little bit. A little too How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria, wasn't it? HEY - I'M NOT A ROBOT!!!
- Ill be honest: I'll be disappointed if "going into that most cherished, unaccessible part of Westminster Abbey to sign the wedding registry" is not a euphemism. Can't they come out with their clothes disheveled? Camon. Hell, I might use it myself; it's much classier than when I say I'm about to "polish off a tube of Pringles, heh heh heh."
- England flawlessly pulls off the Wedding of the Century while we're egging on a guy with the worst comb-over in the world to careen around the world "wondering" if our President is American or smart enough to go to college without white charity. Of course.
- Sooooo...Who's Gonna Tell Him?
- Another person smarter than me wants to point out the silliness of our coverage of the Royal Wedding:
- My favorite h8rs are the guys that claim watching the wedding is gay because it's people that will never know or give two shits about us, and then put on their $200 "authentic!" Giants jersey to scream their heads off for Eli Manning every week. Interesting.
Since I'm feeling generous with you people, here's some Xmastime gems from that day (bold denotes post title if applicable):
__________________________________________________________
- On one hand, I'm miffed he's stealing my future wife. On the other, his getting married takes him off the market, therein removing my competition and returning me to my rightful place as The World's Most Eligible Bachelor. Thanks, King Dickhead!
- I look forward to the first time someone points out to me that I wasn't invited to the Royal Wedding, just so I can put on a self-knowing smile and look wistfully off into the distance before saying "oh, friend...wasn't I?" and then walk away chuckling to myself.
- Bride's Headlights On When She Gets Out of the Car At Westminster Abbey?
- Someone Cutting Onions in Here?
I admit it - the big overhead shot of her at the end of her walk down the aisle got me a little bit. A little too How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria, wasn't it? HEY - I'M NOT A ROBOT!!!
- William Arthur Phillip Louis
That "Louis" (pronounced "Lew-ee") sounds pretty jarring within that name, no? Like Lord Mountbatten Von Frankie the Rat, no?
- Kanye West being invited to the wedding and then not breaking in on Kate's brother's Bible reading with "Yo, Jimmy, I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but the Bible reading at Albert and Victoria's wedding was the best of all time!" means the British aren't really as funny as we thought, doesn't it?
- There are apparently more black people at the Royal Wedding than at a Springsteen concert.
- Has Trump demanded the bride show her virgin papers yet?
- God Save the Queen
At this moment, you KNOW there's about 100 million people across America thinking "you're damn RIGHT you better sing America the Beautiful, queers!"
- During Reading, the Bride's Brother Mentions His Album Drops Next Tuesday on iTunes?
- Ill be honest: I'll be disappointed if "going into that most cherished, unaccessible part of Westminster Abbey to sign the wedding registry" is not a euphemism. Can't they come out with their clothes disheveled? Camon. Hell, I might use it myself; it's much classier than when I say I'm about to "polish off a tube of Pringles, heh heh heh."
- England flawlessly pulls off the Wedding of the Century while we're egging on a guy with the worst comb-over in the world to careen around the world "wondering" if our President is American or smart enough to go to college without white charity. Of course.
- Sooooo...Who's Gonna Tell Him?
- "Harry Just Cut One!"
- "How YOU Doin'?"
- "Another New Pair of Diamond Earrings? Really?"
- "White? Oh, HELL No!"
- "Oh, Shit...Harry IS the Handsome One..."
- Ah Yes: The Single Greatest "Pull My Finger" in History
- Is There NOTHING McDonald's Can't Get Their Mitts On?
- Life makes no sense. I work at a celebrity magazine. No move from any A to F-list celebrity goes unnoticed. There's also an entire style section. Most of the staff is women, and I'm maybe the only straight guy there. And yet from what I can gather, I am the only person in the office who got up at 5:30am to watch the Royal Wedding. Wtf?
- "I guess Xmastime isn't gonna come and save me from this after all. Damn you, free pizza day at the office!"
- "Weeeeell...I see the Archbishop is rather pleased to see me..."
- Another person smarter than me wants to point out the silliness of our coverage of the Royal Wedding:
As you read this, the big three morning shows -- "Good Morning America," "Today" and "The CBS Morning News" -- are continuing to re-hash, analyze and replay the ceremony on tape while going live to various correspondents and experts in England and elsewhere. The morning shows usually run two hours -- more if an affiliate takes their built-in spillover, but for the sake of argument let's just say they did two hours' worth, and add that to the overnight coverage, which ran four hours, bringing the total to six. And then let's ask ourselves this question: When's the last time the top guns of the American electronic media covered an event, any event, for six hours straight without any significant interruption, at any hour of the day or night?I'd say the answer to that is several days up to and including two days ago, when the media shut down to follow Donald Trump around and report and analyze and re-report and re-analyze everything that came out of his mouth, which was probably only until Charlie Sheen decided to start talking again anyway. Covering the Royal Wedding makes our media look like The Algonquin Round Table compared to how it usually looks.
- Now everybody in the office is watching the re-run, so I'm enjoying being the only one who's already seen it, smugly pointing out "oh, I remember this!" and emitting that "I dunno, things might fall apart here..." high-pitched hum at various intervals.
Hey, I have so few victories in this life, I gotta savor the flavor when I get one, playahs.
Hey, I have so few victories in this life, I gotta savor the flavor when I get one, playahs.
- Xmastime, For the Spare.
- I'm so depressed this wedding is over. I've been to weddings of people I've loved, and not thought twice about them afterwards.
Anyway, I'm glad I saw it happen live. All the incredible stories of Americans over there, the camaraderie et al on the streets of London, make me feel like I was a small part of it, even if only thousands of miles away via television.
Anyway, I'm glad I saw it happen live. All the incredible stories of Americans over there, the camaraderie et al on the streets of London, make me feel like I was a small part of it, even if only thousands of miles away via television.
- I was surprised that they included the "if anyone objects, say so now or forever hold their peace" bit in such a wedding. I mean, that's a pretty big matzah ball to leave out there, no?
- "The Beckhams are Here? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!"
- It's very easy for me to imagine why we're all so wrapped up in this wedding. In our earliest days of childhood, we're told wondrous stories of kings and queens and princes and princesses, stories either of history or fairy tales. The fairy tales were as real as the Disney characters we so closely followed at the same age, so when we get a chance to witness actual royalty doing historic, royal things that we forget exists in a modern world, it's exciting - it's as close a connection to those kings and queens of our imaginations as we could ever possibly come in real life. And in today's day and age, with this couple in particular, it's easy for us to watch such a ceremony handed down through thousands of years of stoic, British tradition and know that there will also be a night a year from now during which these two people will be laughing at The Hangover 2 while dusting off a bag of Cheetos.
More importantly, there is a generational touchstone to such an event that will be remembered for years and years to come - I remember getting up at 4am to watch Charles and Diana's wedding, and here I am watching his son do the same thirty years later, at what turns out to be almost exactly the same age as my own father was (him that day 38 years, 7 months, and 17 days, me today at 38 years, 9 months, and 15 days.) Throw in the world's collective memory of "I watched this boy grow up, from being born to his mother's funeral and now this morning," and it's easy to get caught up in things. It's also why we'll probably pay attention to Harry's wedding more than we cared about Charles' brothers' weddings - when children lose their mother, their community always feels possessive and wants to help protect them. I've been there, maybe that's why I'm so connected to these boys; meanwhile, their community just happens to be most of the planet.
Of COURSE the whole thing is kind of silly in and of itself, and NO it's not going to change your life, but if one moment can encapsulate everything in this post then that's a pretty good moment, and moments like that can add up to make us happier than we'd otherwise be.
Most days are forgettable at best, willfully forgettable at worst. This was not one of them.
More importantly, there is a generational touchstone to such an event that will be remembered for years and years to come - I remember getting up at 4am to watch Charles and Diana's wedding, and here I am watching his son do the same thirty years later, at what turns out to be almost exactly the same age as my own father was (him that day 38 years, 7 months, and 17 days, me today at 38 years, 9 months, and 15 days.) Throw in the world's collective memory of "I watched this boy grow up, from being born to his mother's funeral and now this morning," and it's easy to get caught up in things. It's also why we'll probably pay attention to Harry's wedding more than we cared about Charles' brothers' weddings - when children lose their mother, their community always feels possessive and wants to help protect them. I've been there, maybe that's why I'm so connected to these boys; meanwhile, their community just happens to be most of the planet.
Of COURSE the whole thing is kind of silly in and of itself, and NO it's not going to change your life, but if one moment can encapsulate everything in this post then that's a pretty good moment, and moments like that can add up to make us happier than we'd otherwise be.
Most days are forgettable at best, willfully forgettable at worst. This was not one of them.
- "The Gorton's Fisherman, Gee, We've NEVER Heard That One Before, you Fucking Twat!"
- My favorite h8rs are the guys that claim watching the wedding is gay because it's people that will never know or give two shits about us, and then put on their $200 "authentic!" Giants jersey to scream their heads off for Eli Manning every week. Interesting.- Why are wedding vows exchanged in the beginning of the ceremony? I mean, after five minutes, they were offically married. Then we had to sit around for another 55 minutes. Isn't the exchange of vows the climax? I don't start out a session of lovemaking by jizzing on a girl's tits, and THEN spend an hour slowly dripping vodka into her water drop by drop, do I? What the hell?
Also, isn't part of the fun secretly hoping that the second before the "I do", someone will freak out and not do it? Wouldn't it be good to at least have that to look forward to during the ceremony? Get that out of the way so quickly, and you're basically just sitting around in a suit listening to crappy songs that nobody really cares about.
Also, isn't part of the fun secretly hoping that the second before the "I do", someone will freak out and not do it? Wouldn't it be good to at least have that to look forward to during the ceremony? Get that out of the way so quickly, and you're basically just sitting around in a suit listening to crappy songs that nobody really cares about.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Black George. Oy!
HBO's GIRLS has created a shitstorm of love/hate online (guilty) despite having only average ratings, including the subject of it's unrelenting whiteness (addressed by mine truly HERE.)
Meanwhile, here's a GAWKER article tackling the issue again, and it's the same old story except the title of the article is Hipster Racism Runoff And The Search for The Black Costanza but not once in the thing is it mentioned that the awesome David Alan Grier auditioned for the role of George. Not that this particularly means anything, but you'd think they'd mention it.
Meanwhile, here's a GAWKER article tackling the issue again, and it's the same old story except the title of the article is Hipster Racism Runoff And The Search for The Black Costanza but not once in the thing is it mentioned that the awesome David Alan Grier auditioned for the role of George. Not that this particularly means anything, but you'd think they'd mention it.
Xmastime Say
The nutritional advantage of ordering vegetable dumplings instead of meat dumplings is negated by the keg of soy sauce you need to stomach them.
Free Office Pizza Friday Update
Over the course of 4 hours I've had 5 1/2 slices and am about to throw up; I am now allowed to look at a picture of a sprig of parsley and drink 900 cups of water for the rest of the day. AND THERE'S STILL A SHIT-TON OF PIZZA IN THE CAFE DAMMIT!! Aren't you people getting what might happen?!?!!?
In the words of the guy in the beginning of Teen Wolf who scores most of the team's whopping 12 points: "Come on guys, I can't do it all out there!"
In the words of the guy in the beginning of Teen Wolf who scores most of the team's whopping 12 points: "Come on guys, I can't do it all out there!"
Friday Office Crush Roundup: Oh Oh
I'll be honest - I do not like my chances at this moment.
Grand gesture time - stand in front of her cubicle and eat a live mouse? Suggestions welcome.
Office Crush roster HERE. Last week's MVP HERE.
Xmastime Movie Review
CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF
1958 trailer HERE
I finally read Cat On a Hot Tin Roof last year sometime, and saw the movie yesterday. I have no idea if it was good or not since I was distracted by two things the entire time:
1) I'd never seen Burl Ives in a "real" movie, so every time he opened his mouth all I could think of was this.
2) Elizabeth Taylor was SO FUCKING CRAZY HOT, just as she was in A Place in the Sun. Jesus.
3) Tennessee Williams was famously pissed at the movie because it took out the homosexual stuff, which is ironic since every time Paul Newman rejected Elizabeth's Taylor's many, MANY advances I'd shake my head "fag."
EMERGENCY XMASTIME NOTE: Liz was smoking hot AND WE ALMOST LOST HER:
1958 trailer HERE
I finally read Cat On a Hot Tin Roof last year sometime, and saw the movie yesterday. I have no idea if it was good or not since I was distracted by two things the entire time:
1) I'd never seen Burl Ives in a "real" movie, so every time he opened his mouth all I could think of was this.
2) Elizabeth Taylor was SO FUCKING CRAZY HOT, just as she was in A Place in the Sun. Jesus.
3) Tennessee Williams was famously pissed at the movie because it took out the homosexual stuff, which is ironic since every time Paul Newman rejected Elizabeth's Taylor's many, MANY advances I'd shake my head "fag."
EMERGENCY XMASTIME NOTE: Liz was smoking hot AND WE ALMOST LOST HER:
Production began on March 12, 1958, and by March 19, Taylor had contracted a virus which kept her off the shoot. On March 21, she canceled plans to fly with her husband Mike Todd to New York, where he was to be honored the following day by the New York Friars' Club. The plane crashed, and all passengers were killed. Beset with grief, Taylor remained off the film until April 14, 1958, at which time she returned to the set in a much thinner and banging hot condition.My bold.
I Am a Man of Action
Apparently a coupla weeks ago the powers that be started thinking about cutting off Free Friday Office Pizza because there was so much leftover. I'm debating whether or not to send out a mass email "GET your asses downstairs and get some slices, I don't even care if you throw them away back at your desk!" or casually walking from person to person, "Saaaaaaay, how bout goin' downstairs for a few slices?...(Jedi mind trick stare)...don't you want some pizza?...(gritted teeth, hand on the elbow, gently lifting them from their chair)...yeah, I think you want some more pizza...." Or stuff them all into a box and throw them out a window, whatever the fuck it takes. Dammit.
Previous Xmastime Space Shuttle Goodies
Is the Space Shuttle a big pussy?
I see the greatest mechanical engineering feat of our lifetimes, the Space Shuttle ("NASA's Hothouse Flower") has finally decided it's not "too windy" to land:Space Shuttle RIP:
The shuttle touched down at about 3:14 p.m. ET. NASA had scrubbed an earlier planned landing, citing high winds.Fucking christ. Just like with rain, as I mentioned in an old THINGS ARE GOOD:
6) I’m glad the space shuttle finally made it off the launching pad. This fucking thing can hold 50,000 tons of shit, blasts off with 12 gazillion pounds of pressure psi, immediately hits 28,000 mph and OH NO NO!!!....might rain later on, so we better scratch the liftoff. Wtf. Not very impressive, assholes. The post office builds its credo around walking around delivering the mail in sleet and hail, yet NASA can’t shoot this fucker through the atmosphere for 1 minute.The Axl Rose of aerospace travel, isn't it? It'll land or take off when it's good and fucking ready.
Obviously, to somebody my age, the two biggest events in space shuttle history are the beginning:Christa McAulife's backup Barbara Morgan:
I can't imagine it comparing to the Apollo program of the 1960's, but the space shuttle program was MY space program; I can still remember holding off going outside to wait for the bus (which was probably still about 45 minutes away) as the final countdown for the first one was going on. Then, I think, it stopped with 39 seconds left. Though that might be apocryphal on my part. Then I remember Jane Pauley saying Joe Louis had just died, so I wrote out the barber shop scenes for Coming to America while I waited. I was at the perfect age for that launch, 4th grade, and I wrote a letter to NASA to the captain. Never heard back (won't Facebook him - I am too proud.) Twas the year I wrote to NASA and got back a buncha shit about Mars.And the Challenger explosion:
Today is the 25th anniversary of the Challenger explosion; I remember very clearly Mr. Smith announcing it to us in World Geography class. Yes, the same Mr. Smith who, while handing me my trophy as the 1986 World Geography Award Winner, took the time to explain to the entire class that I didn't actually deserve it. Grrrr.
Out of 11,000 applicants, Barbara Morgan was named the runner-up to New Hampshire teacher Christa McAuliffe and trained alongside her. But after McAuliffe's death on the shuttle Challenger in January, 1986, NASA cancelled the Teacher-in-Space program.
"It looked to me personally that Barbara Morgan would never get a chance to fly," said Bill Harwood, a veteran CBS space reporter.
But history would dictate another course. Using rare footage, photos and internal documents, as well as interviews with Morgan, her friends, colleagues, students and family, No Limits shows how Barbara became a full-fledged astronaut, and then overcame additional challenges, including the loss the crew of the shuttle Columbia on February 1, 2003. Morgan had been scheduled to be on Columbia's next flight later that year.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Come the Fuck On Already
A documentary about The Wrecking Crew is on my Fantasy Wish List of Documentaries, and it turns out there's one that's been one that's been ready to come out for years, but has stalled because of song licensing fees:
In theory Mr. Tedesco could argue that as a documentary his film has a journalistic and educational function and is therefore entitled to the fair use exemption to copyright that news organizations routinely invoke. But he would then run the risk of lawsuits, and “that’s too scary,” said Claire Scanlon, who edited the film and is one of its producers. “This is a one-man show and a labor of love, and Denny has already been wiped out financially by this film.” (As Mr. Tedesco explains it, he has at various points mortgaged his house and maxed out his credit cards.)What is always obvious to me is the following, although whatthefuckdoiknow:
“The Wrecking Crew made these songs hits and made the record companies a ton of money,” he said. “It’s to their advantage to let this thing come out. Here’s this beautifully crafted marketing vehicle that could sell so many more copies of these great songs. It’s free money for the labels, with no cost for them. But here comes Denny to reinvigorate their catalog, and he has to pay to do it.Other fantasy docs include of course anything on Phoebe Cates and/or Burger Chef.
Skillz. I Have Them.
I seem to be very skilled at picking out reruns of 80's sitcoms that were season openers; a surely obsolete skill now, as seasons don't seem to have the same universal September-May runs.
Hiyoo!
Looks like Downton Abbey is correcting the ship for it's third series (sorry, "Season Three" to you hicks), according to none other than Lady Cora herself:
"What's made the show successful and different is that attention to character detail and that's what the audience likes. ... Writers [in the second season] had to do a lot of glossing over the domestic life, and some of the small moments between characters that characterized the first season."
Speaking to promote her Tribeca Film Festival costume drama "Cheerful Weather for the Wedding" (more on that shortly), McGovern said that "Downton Abbey's" third season will return to the character-oriented roots, as the series picks up after the Great War in 1920.
My 7000th Post on GIRLS
But there is also no way that HBO is going to give someone a TV show based solely on who their parents are. The channel that does that is E!and the author of the post itself:
To be fair, these young women are famous within New York circles, but not to the public at large. Not everyone sees Mamet plays or goes to Bad Company shows, so to many viewers these girls might as well be unknowns.While the industry inside-baseballness (TM Xmastime 2012) of the casting IS a bit much, it's not as if Lena Dunham demanded HBO simply let her three best pals be in the cast; I'd be way more into the eye-rolling if the acting was, in fact, palpably terrible ("Palpably Terrible" was, by the way, my high school nickname, but that's not important right now.)
What the problem of Girls, to me, is that it's the first show (in my mind) that sounds like a blog, in that it feels more of a need to cram in it's pithy observations on XYZ than it does in developing a story or characters we care about; you can feel Lara Dunham not listening to anyone else's lines as she's clicking dwon to her next "BOOM!" statement about boys/her vagina/Williamsburg. A blog can be compulsively driven by getting things off one's chest since there doesn't necessarily need to be a connection from one post to another, but a television show needs to organically flow.
This could/should change as the show progresses and Dunham feels less pressure to blurt out the first 100 things she's ever thought of (particularly as "the mind of her generation"); hell, Whitney began with Whitney tripping over everybody else to cram in as many clumsy-fitting one-liners from her stand-up as possible, but became mildly watchable once she calmed down and the other characters were given lives of their own, not just existing as receptors for Whitney's endless "The difference between men and women..." schtick.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
