The Fall of the American Empire

Forget Xmastime's kvetching and his "attitude" cribbed from that freakishly large headed Bill Maher.

We got real problems.

For example, Cup Stacking.



"Hey, let's come up with a 'competitive sport' that a) can allow Rain Man morons to win and b) provide no other benefit, like teamwork, intelligence, strategy or exercise."

This is what passes for competition in a nation that cannot have their young people keep score of a soccer match for fear of wounding their self-esteem. We cannot have murder ball lest fatty Noah be struck unfairly by a whizzing rubber orb. And I'm supposed to lament losing some of these fools in Iraq?

Never has a populace had youth with such undeservedly high self-regard. Indeed, Jedediah and Kyle, you are retarded, overly fed and infused with an ADD derived from your Game Cube, but at least you can stack cups. So, be confident! Go forth! Live on Mom's couch until you are 38 and you finally realize that cup stacking is not the wave of the future.

From this crowd, we will have to find centurions?

The Revenge of the Nerds is upon us, and we have more than the talentless, horse-faced Robert Carradine to fear. A committee of dorks now controls the levers of school. We cannot jump rope. We cannot compete. We cannot allow Kincaid to lose.

So, we train the future to stack plastic cups.

"Nice work, Flower."