Thursday, November 30, 2023
Fuck This Asshole
The folks over at Slate have some guesses re: what Elon Shithead Musk's plan about Twitter really is:
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did:
So what does Elon Musk want with Twitter? The best-available guess is that he wants it to fade to black. Musk won’t have to work as much, and his other businesses might benefit."But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you posit something back in April about Twitter & this fucking waste of a human with money that you still 100% stand by as of this moment?"
More importantly, it’s his way out of Twitter on something close enough to his own terms. Musk will have no trouble getting right-wing media and other credulous individuals to treat him like a soldier in a just war. As onetime star journalist and current antagonizer of liberals Glenn Greenwald wrote on Wednesday of Musk’s advertiser dis: “This is exactly what people should tell corporate advertisers who try to control the content of speech from media outlets or social media platforms.” Greenwald doesn’t have to explain why not subsidizing speech with ad dollars is the same thing as trying to control it, and Musk doesn’t have to contort himself to justify himself to his adoring fans. At a $44 billion price tag, it will be the most expensive point anyone has ever made. But Musk will make it to people who desperately want to hear it.
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful reader
Unlike most liberals I have no delusions that Musk will slink away from Twitter penniless & ruined. I'm guessing - and by guessing I know this will 100% happen - that at some point he'll finally give up trying to be the high school football team captain & prom queen and will just want all of his Twitter headaches to go away overnight. Meanwhile, it's hard to imagine another superbillionaire being dumb enough to take it off his hands after watching the last year. And since as Americans we cannot fathom the idea of making a billionaire remotely uncomfortable or sad in any way, I'm guessing - and by guessing I know this will 100% happen - that HEEEEYY WHAT DO YOU KNOW, the US government will step in and bail him out, giving him back his entire $44B. They'll even come up with a warm & fuzzy way of covering for him: oh, we had to let Elon go back to focusing on Tesla/SpaceX et al (for which he's VERY used to getting hundreds of millions of dollars in government subsidies) as noble, jobs-creating projects in his quest to save humanity blah blah blah. Elon Musk has revealed himself to be an absolute dipshit throughout his Twitter debacle, but he knows that suckers like us will be there with a big sack of cash for him whenever he decides he wants it.
I Mean Really?
Dublin Calling
I'm not a big "oh good they're together in heaven now!" guy but if you have a reason to show a clip of Joe Strummer on a stage with Shane MacGowan you do it. (Also I'm pretty sure this is the only time I've ever seen Joe play an acoustic?)
Christmas In the Drunk Tank
(Originally posed in 2012)
25 years ago, Fairytale of New York was released. It's not only one of the greatest Christmas songs of all time, but one of the greatest songs of all time (made my Top Fitty, bitches!) Here's the story of it (AND a recording of the demo!)
There is no greater curl-up-with-a-bottle-of-whiskey-because-its-snowing-outside moment in the world.
25 years ago, Fairytale of New York was released. It's not only one of the greatest Christmas songs of all time, but one of the greatest songs of all time (made my Top Fitty, bitches!) Here's the story of it (AND a recording of the demo!)
A stable perception was never reachable as to whether Shane was a genius or a fucking idiot." There is the public image of MacGowan as a wayward alcoholic with a bombsite of a mouth and a wheezing ghost of a laugh. Then there is the clever, diligent craftsman who sweated for two years to make Fairytale of New York perfect.
There is no greater curl-up-with-a-bottle-of-whiskey-because-its-snowing-outside moment in the world.
Regrets.
(Originally posted December 2020)
Along with not going to see Al Green preach in Holly Springs when I lived an hour away for two years, this is probably my greatest rock regret of all time.
20 years ago this month I had a ticket from Op to a Pogues show, but I blew it off. Every time I'd tried to see them Shane MacGowan had completely ruined it by being beyond wasted so I just said fuck it this time, content to curl myself up on one of the red velvet couches in the bar next to Irving Plaza (the one I puked in after throwing my t-shirt onstage at Joe Strummer) and read Paddy's Lament. That night Kirsty MacColl made a surprise appearance with The Pogues, masterfully singing her classic duet A Fairytale of New York with McGowan. It tuned out to be the last appearance she would ever make, as she was killed in a boating accident a few weeks later, 20 years ago today. Kinda eerie that she was killed during the Christmas season for which the song she's become most famous for is now a standard.
Shane MacGowan Line That's Always Stuck to My Ribs
"You were so cool you could have put out Vietnam"
ZING! du Jour
Via HERE:
Sometimes it is nearly impossible to believe that everyone alive was the sperm that won the race.
EGG FOO WHAT?! Episode 71
Listen wherever you listen to podcasts or watch HERE.
A Few Thoughts on Noted Internet Shithead Elon Musk's Interview with Ross Sorkin
See Grandma Musk HERE.
1. I love how he thought he had a mic-drop moment and the silence was deafening.
2. Does this shithead not know how advertising works? Yes, it's ALL a version of blackmail, "run this ad or I won't pay you". I don't know why I have to explain this to such a "genius".
3. Of course instead of being satisfied with apologizing for his anti-Semetic Tweet and moving on, he can't help from going over the top and dropping the term "philosemitic" about himself, a more clever version of this phenomena pioneered by you know fucking who.
3. It's always funny how the free market enthusiasts are so quick to get upset when the markets actually do what they're supposed to do.
1. I love how he thought he had a mic-drop moment and the silence was deafening.
2. Does this shithead not know how advertising works? Yes, it's ALL a version of blackmail, "run this ad or I won't pay you". I don't know why I have to explain this to such a "genius".
3. Of course instead of being satisfied with apologizing for his anti-Semetic Tweet and moving on, he can't help from going over the top and dropping the term "philosemitic" about himself, a more clever version of this phenomena pioneered by you know fucking who.
3. It's always funny how the free market enthusiasts are so quick to get upset when the markets actually do what they're supposed to do.
Lemonade
The UK has a way of collectively willing a song to #1 on the charts during Xmas and I have a feeling that will rightfully happen now. RIP to the forever incomparable Shane MacGowan. ☘️🇮🇪😢🎵☘️
I Mean FFS
If you find yourself wondering whether or not there’s some God looking over you that’s worthy of your idol worship, this is a good week to remember that Henry Kissinger lived to 100 and John Lennon only 40 so you fucking tell me?
Wednesday, November 29, 2023
Snoopy: STILL the Coolest!
Goals. I Have Them.
Thoughts. I Have Them.
Yes it’s insane that Evangelical Christians worship Trump so much but at least unlike their usual guy he does actually exist so I mean that’s progress? 🤔🤷♂️
THE GEN X SUPER CHALLENGE:
Can you recite from memory the 1-10 things counted off at the end of the Violent Femmes’ classic Kiss Off? Good luck! 🤗🎸🕺
The Always Brilliant BLACKADDER Called Out American "Christianity" 40 Years Ago
“Never in all my years have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the church?!”#Blackadder pic.twitter.com/83IXftzdLa
— The King of Blackadder 👑🇬🇧 (@pitchblacksteed) November 29, 2023
According to Spotify....
It Was 22 Years Ago Today
I can remember the table I was at in The Nest, staring at this cover for what seemed like hours. I don't remember knowing he was even sick, so it was a shock. I also remember wondering "really? this is the picture they go with? one of the most photographed humans in the history of the planet and this is the one they pick for this?"
RIP George, and thanks for being a Beatle now & forever.
Tuesday, November 28, 2023
Porridge du Jour
Absolutely brilliant 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Porridge - The Harder They Fall (28th November 1975). Fletch has an uncomfortable conversation with Godber. pic.twitter.com/baHvIx3IoN
— Archivetvmusings (@archivetvmus71) November 28, 2023
Questions. I Have Them.
Is FDR the only president whose presidential number (32) matched the year he was elected ('32)?
I Mean Dafuck Are We Even Doing Anymore Guys?
"Nobody's ever given peace a complete chance. Gandhi tried it. Martin Luther King tried it. But they were shot." - John LennonI don't know if I'll watch this or not - it kinda reeks of tragedy porn that will have me screaming at the screen - but...why release it on December 6? Why not just wait another 2 lousy days so it's on the 8th? 🤔🤷♂️
#XOTD2008
Apparently, 15 years ago today I figured out how Elgin Baylor could win both the Drug War and the Iraq War. And it really wasn't too difficult for me, really.
Thoughts. I Have Them.
I Posit...
Your Lucky Day
Current Events
So, what's going on with Olive Garden's unlimited breadsticks, you ask? PLENTY!
Is this conversation starter "get your paws away from that extra breadstick or I'll be picking my garlic-buttery teeth with their bones"? 🤔
The complaints led to Olive Garden adopting a stricter approach to the famous deal. If you order unlimited breadsticks from the chain today, expect to get one piece per person, plus one complimentary breadstick in your first basket. That extra breadstick is meant to be a “conversation starter,” and Red Lobster (also owned by Darden Restaurants) follows the same policy with its cheddar bay biscuits.
Is this conversation starter "get your paws away from that extra breadstick or I'll be picking my garlic-buttery teeth with their bones"? 🤔
The Beatles du Jour
In which I rate & rank The Beatles' TRUE singles (neither A nor B ever appeared on an album). You're welcome, Earf!
Hey Jude 10
Revolution 10
Strawberry Fields Forever 10
Penny Lane 10Paperback Writer 9
Rain 10
I Want To Hold Your Hand 10
This Boy 8
Hello, Goodbye 8
I Am The Walrus 10
She Loves You 10
I'll Get You 7
We Can Work It Out 8
Day Tripper 7
The Ballad Of John And Yoko 8
Old Brown Shoe 7
All You Need Is Love 8
Baby, You're A Rich Man 7
I Feel Fine 7
She's A Woman 7
From Me To You 6
Thank You Girl 7
Lady Madonna 7
The Inner Light 5
This is a Public Service Announcement (Not Really)
I love Dave Davies, I love animals and I have a friend named Becca (close enough) who’s married to the world’s #1 Krispy Kreme fan so I happily bought a few dozen and think you should too! 🤗👍🍩🐶🎸
My girlfriend Bekka fosters for this rescue group - Help Angels for Animals Network by ordering delicious Krispy Kreme Dozens today in the USA! @krispykreme https://t.co/59znosbpGl #krispykreme #digitaldozens #groupraise #krispykremefundraiser
— Dave Davies (@davedavieskinks) November 28, 2023
An Xmastime Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to blow minds at a dinner party by matter-of-factly mentioning that of course gladiators usually didn’t fight to the death because they were in fact expensive investments, idiot.
Hot Takes on Tech
I have been way more impressed with the fake candles my sister-in-law has introduced me to than I have by any phone upgrade I've had since the iPhone 6.
Xmastime Confessions
I hate to think there’ll ever be a day I don’t cackle with glee every time Nate from my superslice LET IT ROLL podcast expresses utter disgust at Brian Jones 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Today Should Be A NATONAL HOLIDAY!
📺DEBUT: 'The White Shadow' premiered 45 years ago, November 27, 1978, on CBS pic.twitter.com/ePBU0rS8JS
— RetroNewsNow (@RetroNewsNow) November 28, 2023
TREAT YOURSELF TO THE FIRST 4 EPISODES HERE!!!!
SOME PREVIOUS XMASTIME BRILLIANCE ABOUT HIS BELOVED THE WHITE SHADOW:
The first thing I love about the show is it’s visual authenticity; ie the school and gym looks like my school and every gym I played in. Drab, dreary etc. Empty stands, crappy WIN CARVER banners in the gym. If it came out today there’d be twenty-minute player introductions before each game with a laser show pumping and the “Lets get ready to rumble!!!” guy clocking in as the Laker girls sit on each other’s faces. And the wardrobe – black dudes wearing flannel with worn out jeans? Ah, the old days. Plus, the funny thing about the team is here’s a school in a black neighborhood in South Central, yet there’s room on the team for a Mexican, a Jew, an Italian and, get this, an Irish guy. I’m surprised there wasn’t a benchwarmer with a towel on his head.
One funny thing about the cast is no matter how many times I watch the show, maybe twice a day, I still can’t get the fucking names of the core group of 4 or so black guys straight. Call me a racist, but other than Coolidge I have no idea who’s who when coach is shouting out “Heyward! Thorpe! Jackson! Reese!” My only defense here is that a while back in this post I said the same about Hoosiers, so…apparently no matter what color you are - if you put on some tight shorts and run around a basketball court with a coupla other half-naked guys, my mind goes blank and I can’t remember your name.
One more thing I love about The White Shadow is nobody seems even vaguely impressed that the coach played in the NBA for 12 years. I know the NBA wasn't always like it is now, but this did coincide with Bird and Magic reviving the league. And wouldn't it still be newsworthy, a pro ballplayer coming to coach your local high school? Plus the team is filled with players who...you know...CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT MAKING IT INTO THE NBA!!! But do they worship Coach Reeves, do they follow him around asking him questions, itching for some extra help to boost their game? They interested in some insider NBA stories? Nah. Reeves walks in the room they're rolling their eyes "christ, here comes Coach Sqaure." Kills me. Like Tera Patrick coming to teach Sex Ed and nobody notices.
Was The White Shadow the first in a now-long line of “white teacher comes to black neighborhood and changes lives” tropes?
WHAT THE FUCK THE WHITE SHADOW is that a Carver High sign based on the Confederate flag?!?!?!
How the hell in over 40 years nobody's picked up on the fact that the sound right before 0:02 in this trailer sounds like a fart?
Monday, November 27, 2023
XMASTIME: Genius Shadow Photographer Artist
[SEE PREVIOUS XMASTIME GENIUS SHADOW PHOTOGRAPHY GENIUS HERE]
New(ish!) Xmastime Series
I call this one, "Shitty Comments I Make in My Head That I Don't Actually Post Because I Don't Wanna Put Such a Thing Out into the World". Enjoy, everybody!
Bang a Gong Ronny Chieng
I've been on the Ronny Chieng train for a long time now and not only is he hysterical in this but I bet he wrote it too 🤗🤣
Meet the broken man tasked with keeping Trump's trial schedule. @ronnychieng pic.twitter.com/xJiDmSkteC
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) November 27, 2023
Insta Faves du Jour
Oh HELL NO Toby Ziegler
OH OH a certain morning radio show crew from a certain scrappy little state is NOT going to like what Toby has to say here 😬
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “isn't this just another excuse by you to re-post the WAKE UP NEW JERSEY! show you & Mike did in California back in September??"
Sigh. Yes it is, faithful readers, YES it is:
Sigh. Yes it is, faithful reader
The Post-Thanksgiving Blues
Feeling The Post-Thanksgiving Blues means it's the right time to remind everybody my crew & I are available for any classic movie remakes. #xmastimeandtheshortbus
Marah & 100 Metro Living Legend
Happy Birfday...
...Buster Merryfield, aka Uncle Albert!!!
Merryfield became a professional actor at the age of 57 after having worked for the Westminster Bank for nearly 40 years. During his time with the bank, he reached the position of senior area manager, but his banking career was interrupted by his war service.
Merryfield joined Only Fools and Horses in January 1985 as the former seafaring Albert Gladstone Trotter, known as Uncle Albert, who was Grandad Trotter's long-lost younger brother and was known for his catchphrase of "During the war...". The character was added after Lennard Pearce, who played Grandad, died in December 1984.
I've posted this scene a thousand times but it's never not just flat-out hilarious, and one of the few times you can see David Jason almost losing it 🤣
Greatest Hits
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
I lived with Ryan in an apartment on Christman Drive; right next door to us were two typical Ole Miss frat fucks, but one interesting thing about them is that along with their two dogs, they had a pig. And, EXACTLY like that movie, the pig thought he was a dog, that he was “one of the guys.” Whenever I’d drive up the driveway, the 2 dogs would come tearing around the corner furiously to check out the action, and then….about 7 seconds later the pig would come chasing, belly swinging as he’d try to keep up, trying to look as angry as the dogs. “What the fuck’s up, guys!??!” Later in the evening I’d see them out in the yard trying to look like street toughs on a stoop, waiting for cars or people to come by to heckle, and you knew the pig was Horshack to the dogs’ Barbarino and Washington. Awesome. Another highlight from Oxford was Thanksgiving 1995. Ryan and I decided we were gonna stay in Oxford and make our own big Thanksgiving dinner. Anyways we go to Kroger that morning to get everything, and as we’re about to check out I decide I should grab a case of beer. Since you couldn’t buy beer cold in Oxford, you kinda had to plan ahead. So I come strolling up with a case and Ryan FLIPS out, yelling at me for wanting to get shit-faced for Thanksgiving Dinner. I try to explain to him I wasn’t gonna pound it when we got home and piss all over the Pilgrims, I was just gonna have it in the fridge for later on. Doesn’t matter, he’s furious, BOOM!! We don’t say one single word to each other after that. We go through the machinations of making a huge Thanksgiving Dinner, sit down and eat it…all while aggressively not speaking to each other. And, even better, we filmed the whole fucking thing for some reason. It’s all on videotape. You see us silently making this huge dinner, silently eating it. Our silence does not end then; it goes on for 2 solid weeks. For two weeks we pass by each other wordlessly, live next to each other in total silence. The type of simmering rage you can only have for your best friend, I suppose. Finally at the end of two weeks I’m sitting on the couch in the living room and he strolls in to the kitchen and grabs a box of cookies. I’m not paying attention, but because of my 14-day seething rage I can tell he’s looking in the box and strapping on his “I’m fucking incredulous!!” face. Then he does the ol’ look into the box-look up at me – look back into the box – look up at me routine.
“What?” (heeey…I broke the silence!! hooray!!)
“You ate my fucking cookies!!!!”
“What?”
“You ate all my fucking cookies you fucking shit!!!” (box thrown on the floor)
‘What the – shut the fuck up, I didn’t eat you precious fucking cookies!”
“You ate my fucking cookies!!”
“I did not eat your fucking cookies fuck you!!!!”
“You fucking shit!”
“Yeah, I got your cookies, ate them all, closed the EMPTY box up, carefully put them back on the shelf and chuckled ‘ooooh, he’ll never suspect a thing!!!!’!! fucking dumbass!!!”
This went on, screaming for 2 more minutes. Finally I stormed off to my room with a big “fuck you!!” and slammed my door. After about a 10 second pause I opened the door, saw him standing in the living room and shouted “You know what? Yeah, I ate your fucking cookies! And guess what – they were fucking AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” slam!!!
This of course was so ridiculous that within minutes we were on the floor laughing at our our ridiculousness. Rolling on the floor, entwined with each other in our youthfulness, young skin on young skin as we suckled each other’s neck.
It’s been almost 11 13 28 years and Ryan, and I can confess…I have no idea what happened to your fucking cookies.
Sunday, November 26, 2023
Yes, We Have Second Bananas
I have rather generously broken down a personal study of The Beatles' secondary songwriter GEORGE HARRISON - vs. The Kinks' secondary songwriter - DAVE DAVIES and voilá Dave slightly beats out George by average. Of course this is obviously very much based on how much tougher it was for Dave to get a song through than it was for George; John & Paul had a much more diplomatic lets-make-everybody-happy way about their albums (see there being so many Ringo songs on Beatles albums vs. exactly zero Mick Avory songs on Kinks albums, par exampla) while Ray Davies ran The Kinks with an iron fist, so there ya go for Dave's higher batting average.
Either way, there's incredible songs on both lists and yes of course I rather curiously thoughtfully put together a playlist for each YOU'RE WELCOME!
An Xmastime Prayer
On Trump
It's funny how everybody's wringing their hands about what Trump needs to do to win the presidency and what will happen when he does, as if he's going to try to dance-on-lasers his way to election vis-a-vis a thoughtful set of foreign & domestic policies to determine the right side of issues that can best help the majority of American people. The fact is there's absolutely no reason for him to do anything but announce that his second term will be a full-on authoritarian one without end fueled by his own petty grievances and personal greed. He can LITERALLY say he intends to hold the same power as Hitler and he'd instantly have at least 65 million votes to start with. There is no incentive for him to even pretend he's going to try and have a "normal" second term as president, as he's been greatly rewarded every time he's blathered openly about his desires for fascism. He's told us repeatedly that the second he gets a chance he'll support Putin's thirst to restore the Soviet states et al, meaning that within a few short years we can find ourselves replaying World War II except this time we'd be on what was the Axis's side (and that's how shit like this happens). This is the ultimate "Go Big or Go Home!" moment in world history; Trump is becoming more and more clear that he either gets to be Hitler x Mussolini x Putin etc or he'll just go back to Mar-a-Lago and bitch & moan while ruling the GOP with an iron fist whiles the media splooges themselves every time he waves his stubby fingers around to say something. There is no in-between, and the media breathlessly setting up any other scenario is just false and irresponsible, which unfortunately for democracy has become de riguer for them.
Saturday, November 25, 2023
Friday, November 24, 2023
Worlds Happily Colliding
I have no idea where this spoof of my superslice of superslice To the Manor Born came from but it's spot-on (it actually looks like the exact TTMB set?) AND as a bonus it stars Sue Holderness aka Marlene Boyce form a scrappy little show called Only Fools and Horses 🤗
Classic comedy with To The Mannerisms Born (End Of Part One - 23rd November 1980). pic.twitter.com/cRte2NsCoA
— Archivetvmusings (@archivetvmus71) November 23, 2023
Thursday, November 23, 2023
Happy Thanksgiving!
And remember that if you need some shady shit handled you may wanna try Woodstock since he seems perfectly happy chowing down on a fellow bird. 😬😲😜🤣🦃🦃 
Wednesday, November 22, 2023
Announcements. I Have Them.
The new(ish?) cheeseburger on Amtrak isn't bad but getting its stench off your hands should be an Olympic event.
November 22, 1968
And of course With the Beatles, the band's second album that introduced them to America, and Phil Spector's now-seminal Christmas album were not only released on November 22 but in 1963 to boot, so. 🤷♂️
Tuesday, November 21, 2023
Documentary I Wanna See Produced
I wanna see someone make a documentary about people who pronounce the word "and" as "ant".
EGG FOO WHAT?! Update
Long Live Jay Cartwright
His "believe me" should be hanging in the rafters of some Hall of Fame somewhere 🤣
— The Inbetweeners (@InbetweenerVidz) November 21, 2023
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