Gahden Memories

"Julius - my eyes are up here, buddy."

Questions. I Have Them.

‪Can a club sandwich be a club sandwich if the bread's not toasted?‬

This Guy...

...has got a great point.

Fighting Cancer

A good point about people urging John McCain to "fight" cancer:

The potential problem with the word “fight” is that it puts the onus on the patient to get better, sending the message that the outcome of their treatment is their responsibility. If they fight hard enough, their tumor will evaporate. If they fight hard enough, they will be cured. 

Which of course is nonsense.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you call this bullshit six years ago?" 

Sigh. Of COURSE I did, faithful readers:

5) “She’s fighting cancer”
This is another thing people say to make themselves feel better. So & so is 94, has cancer, is immobile and in a hospital bed but we gotta say “Hey, she’s fighting it. She’s a fighter.” Is she? I dunno. You’re basically lying there – there’s nothing you can do with your hands, the medication’s not working; am I now to believe you’re using a Jedi mind trick to keep yourself alive? We always like to feel like someone hung there an extra day or two by sheer determination. Cause yeah, if there’s ever a period of my life I’d like to drag out a little longer it’s when I’m in bed shitting myself while my family hovers over top of me waiting for me to kick so they can all fight for my “Highlights” collection. I wanna be the other guy, so they say “Yeah, I dunno, I thought Xmastime woulda lasted a few more days, but he really seemed to give up and let himself die. Didn’t fight it at all. A quitter, some might say.”

Damn.

The real shame of Trump's presidency is it's making everyone forget his star turn as Stillwell in A League of Their Own. Sad!

Ponch & Jon

Working up the onions to ask these guys how realistic the Chips movie was.

Suggestions. I Have Them.

Who the fuck would get this in any color other than black?!??!?

Okay.

Look Out, People

One step closer to making my threat to do a weekly Wings podcast come true!

Questions. I Have Them.

Wouldn't the alcohol be the exact thing that makes it your father's root beer?

Camon, People

For fuck's sake - it's as if for an entire nation of people we've suddenly forgotten the name "Bill Laimbeer." Sad!

Hmm.

So McConnell is postponing the healthcare vote so that a Senator who is having surgery that wouldn't be covered under this healthcare bill may submit his vote for the bill to take away healthcare from millions of other people. Got it.

And for Free! What a Sucker!

Baaaaaahston!

Thanks to Brothatime!!, I had a great 45th birfday in Boston.

Thanks United but I believe this should actually be named "pretzels."

Best birfday surprise ever - illWill!

Wilson Boys! Running hard, running long, ru-OMG LOOK A GUINNESS!!!!!

Happy Birthday me indeed.

OMG SOMEONE STOLE THE PARQUET!!!!!!

Paddy Mac letting it fly. About 10 20 30 40 feet out of his shooting range.

Unexpected highlight of highlights: touching the parquet. Not a euphemism.

Don't think he's coming, guys. #unionoysterhouse #jfk

Ah, Fenway Park. You old, miserable bastard.

 

It's true, people: anything can happen. #housedivided

I hate the Sox but this is the best press box in sports.

13th inning. Seriously starting to consider eating the carrot sticks and celery that are left.

 Inning 16. World's Loneliest Sox Fan, watching it all slip away. Get used to it, buddy. #paddymac

One never knows where they'll find true love. 

On Turning 45

When your 11 year-old nephew reflects upon your life and helpfully suggests "well, maybe you could get a dog..."

Happy Bastille Day

Relive my 2015 trip to Paris HERE. :)

Happy Friday the 14th!

Bastille Day!

Nobody could remotely give two shits Some people have been clamoring for last year's brilliant THINGS TO LIKE ABOUT FRANCE series that I posted throughout last Bastille Day, so here they are:

The Uniforms

Ratatouille

Winning Our Revolutionary War

Remembrance of Things Past

First Lady

French Class

Croissants

Live Aid

Pretty amazing documentary about just how astonishing thing it was to pull off the event.

July 13, 1985

32 years to the day since Live Aid and still nobody's explained why Rick Springfield was introduced by Joe Piscopo.

Tonight!

ESPN 30 for 30 on Mike and the Mad Dog!

Which makes this a good time to take a look at the greatest blog post of all time.

Still True.

"Interview"

I'm sure the questions will be hard-hitting.

"Are you America's greatest president, or greatest person overall?"

"Are you God's favorite person of all-time, or just favorite person currently alive?"

"How many times a day do you think God wishes he was you?"

This Fry Debate SHould Not Be This Close

I'm Team Curly Fry. No matter how old I get, seeing curly fries on a menu always seems like a treat.

Oh For Fuck's Sake

Imagine having this dipshit showing up and explaining your country's history to you.

Trump: “France is America’s first and oldest ally. A lot of people don’t know that.”

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT EXCEPT YOU UP UNTIL 10 SECONDS AGO!!!!!!!!

The State of Comedy

Ken Levine (writer for MASH, Cheers, Frasier, many others AND A WINGS CHAMPION!!) has a great point re: why comedies are tanking in theaters:

Bad screen comedy is dead. Formula screen comedy is dead. Unfunny, forced screen comedy is dead.
Most of these movies follow a definite pattern – load ‘em up with (seemingly) bankable comedy stars, throw in a lot of mayhem, have some unearned touching moment near the end, and hope that just by counter-programming the blockbusters and horror films you can reap a profit.
The trouble is – the public’s not buying it. Not anymore. Too many nights of sitting through idiotic frenzied shenanigans, rehashed TV franchises, ponderous films that are a half-hour too long, and silly stories that no one can relate to has taken its toll on filmgoers plopping down good money at the Cineplex.
And as for these “stars?” We’ve seen the Will Ferrell act. Again and again and again. Amy Schumer? Can play only one thing and we’ve seen it. I love Amy Poehler but she’s yet to open a movie, and until she does she’s not a movie star. And the Rock alone (BAYWATCH) is not enough.
These media experts wonder if the future of movie comedies the is Netflix? No. The future of comedy is making better comedies that are genuinely funny and have subject matter people want to see. Not raunchfests. 

I'm trying not to blame Judd Apatow for all this.

Happy GrizzaDay!

GrizzaDay (n) - July 13, the day between Mamalizza and Xmastime's birfdays. Also: excuse to eat a whole ice cream cake guilt-free.  

2008 Grizzaday HERE.

2010 Grizzaday 2010 HERE.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I have a sneaking suspicion I don't know how to properly get ice cubes out of an ice tray.

Inside the Trump White House

Still True

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand...

...that sound you hear right now is Trump pulling the plug on Wray as his FBI pick.

Wtf du Jour

1. Got a message from Uber my next 10 rides are 1/2 price.
2. Woke up and realized I had an extra $100 in my bank account
3. Just reached into the pockets of a pair of jeans I haven't worn in a while and discovered $10

In other words, the odds of my getting hit by a bus today are astronomical.

Sophie's Choice

Will Trump throw his son under the bus, or his son-in-law? The good news for The Kush is Trump'll probably give him the job of deciding.

Questions. I Have Them.

Via David Brooks' as-asinine-as-usual column today:

Recently I took a friend with only a high school degree to lunch. Insensitively, I led her into a gourmet sandwich shop. Suddenly I saw her face freeze up as she was confronted with sandwiches named “Padrino” and “Pomodoro” and ingredients like soppressata, capicollo and a striata baguette. I quickly asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else and she anxiously nodded yes and we ate Mexican.

Is "I have a friend with only a high school degree" the new "I have a black friend"? Wtf.

Hmm...

...I'm putting the odds of him suggesting they hold the next G20 at one of his resorts somewhere between 100% and 100%.

Weekend

The Once and Future Oyster King. Well, or Saltines.

Killer Garfunkel, World Wrestling Foundation 2037 champ.

The Captain kindly requests that you stay the hell off his river for a while. Thanks!

 

Sounds Good.

Trump: let's work together on an impenetrable cyber security unit.
Putin: sure. What's your password?

(Two months later: our national bird is vodka and we have one tv channel)

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I'm guessing the number of BBC shows made in the last 15 years without Olivia Colman is maybe 3, 4 tops.

Oh Goody

Now Trump can choose his own ethics director. I just hope Jared Kushner has the time for it.

Fret Not

Don't worry, obviously brave Ivanka will stand up and take this on for women everywhere oh wait that's right she's a worthless pile of shit. Oh well!

Your Day is Now Made

12:58pm July 6, 2017:

My single greatest Google search of all time.

Hmm.

There are a lot of things I miss about living in Williamsburg and obviously paying $164 for jeans is one of them.

Trump's Triumph

He said he'd make America great again. And now he has.

Every Time Trump Has an Idea

via GIPHY

Guy admits faking the moon landing not his greatest achievement. Sad!

FULL STORY.

Happy National Fried Chicken Day!

Enjoy Xmastime & fried chicken through the years.

Special shoutout to the surprisingly good bird at Kroger. :)

More Frederick, MD

Luckily for me my life is already pretty off the rails.

X-Ray Knee Fun!

"Just caught Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
"Oh god Bruce, please don't do it."
"WE ARE THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY-"
"Dammit Bruce, no!"