It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s three dudes getting their wallets stolen!

 #philly2018 #WilsonBoys 

Announcements. I Have Them.

It is without irony that I sincerely hope Sebastian Bach won some awards for his work on Gilmore Girls.

Life and How to Live It

Yeah. Nice try Arby’s but I do believe I’ll go right ahead with my double roast beef & curly fries, thank you very much.

Gavin and Stacey 2019 Xmas Special Trailer!!!

Stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans. Vodka.

Happy Thanksgiving!

‪Not really interested in hearing people complain how difficult making today’s meal was after watching this magnificent bastard make it look so easy. ‬

Ideas. I Have Them.

‪Food Network Show idea: celebrity chef whose catchphrase is, “yeah? Well guess what, you don’t hafta f*cking eat it do you???!!”

This Is My Goddaughter with Her Impression of Me

Upset? Nah.

First Kentucky a coupla weeks ago, now Duke. I have a *feeling* we're gonna see these INCREDIBLE UPSETS!! more frequently, for two reasons:

1. Most of these "great" teams that can become Goliaths are loaded with freshmen, as they're one-and-dones move on to the NBA. They're great players, but you never know what you'll get on any given night with freshmen. This isn't exactly Chaminade beating a Sampson-led team of juniors and seniors.

2. With the 3-point shot becoming more of a factor, you never know when some kid on some random team is gonna utterly catch fire. Carson Edwards was dropping threes from the concession stand and almost single-handedly beat Virginia last March.

Good Aftahnoon Evwybody!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice article/interview with the great Chris "Mad Dog" Russo: 

He was novel, the first New York sports host to rant. His predecessors never did, not Art Rust Jr. and certainly not Bill Mazer. John Sterling lost it on callers and hollered, but he didn’t rant. Chris was the first.

Russo was memorable from day one. His pronunciations were starkly redolent of his New York area roots. He never did shed the accent despite what I’d imagine were his British mom’s best wishes.

He’s entertaining and by his own admission bombastic. And when he bellows that throaty laugh of his, it’s contagious. Listeners relate to him. He often sounds like he is one of them. At times, when there’s rage in Russo’s speech, there’s laughter in listeners’ voices.

He was of course part of the single greatest blog post of all time, and yes, I have spoken with him. :)

Also, the day he left was remarkable.

Only Fools du Jour

Over at its IMDB page is a list of The Top 20 Only Fools and Horses episodes, ranked by fans. Here are my thoughts on their placements.

Dates - nice for a funny scene with Del Boy joining the computer dating world, and renowned as the episode in which he meets Raquel, but #1? Really? Wouldn’t be in my top 30.


Yuppy Love - Definitely belongs here. In my Top 5 - features the famous bar fall scene, and Rodney meeting Cassandra.


Time On Our Hands - when they finally become millionaires! Great episode - was supposed to be the finale. Totally belongs as high as anyone wants to put it.


This one gets a second video! :)

A wonderful moment when Del and Rodney walk in the pub after officially becoming millionaires pic.twitter.com/MlznnyvBIZ

— Derek Trotter (@DelBoy_ofah) March 20, 2018

Jolly Boys Outing - much beloved episode, not really for its humor but for its warmth. (IMHO.) Tho the bus explosion is an epic moment.


Heroes and Villains - great episode, famous for the Batman & Robin scene. Fits here.


The Class of ’62 - love this episode, as it features all of the characters together, which I always love.


To Hull and Back - never understood why this one is so popular with fans. Not very funny, and not having a laugh track is off-putting. One of my least favorite episodes.

Chain Gang - love this one for the same reason I love Class of ’62. Thumbs up!


Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? - good episode, not great, that really hits the mark re: how having to take care of Rodney has frustratingly held Del Boy back from attaining his dreams. Wouldn’t be in my top 20, though.

A Touch of Glass - fantastic episode, and not only for the iconic chandelier scene. Definitely in my top 5, maybe 3.


Modern Men - my favorite of the 1996 Christmas trilogy, and the scene with Del talking to Rodney before seeing Cassandra after her miscarriage is stunning. Top 5!
(Spent 30 minutes looking for the clip, isn’t online. Grrrr.)

Three Men, a Woman, and a Baby - no idea why this is on this list, other than the birth of Del & Raquel’s son Damien. Otherwise, a meandering episode featuring the curious friction of Rodney & Cass’ marriage, the cause of which is never clear. Bottom 15 episode for me.


Strained Relations - may be my all-time #1 episode. Includes the introduction of Uncle Albert, the heartbreaking funeral for grandad, and one of the greatest moments of any sitcom ever.


A Losing Streak - really good episode, fantastic finish. Probably not in my top 20, though.


Danger UXD - definitely Top 10! Not much to say, just a brilliant premise.


A Royal Flush - no idea how it’s possible this is on. The list. Not a good episode, and is also John Sullivan’s least favorite.

Big Brother - GREAT episode - should be in top 5! First episode, introduces us to the Trotters - and Trigger? As good a first episode as can be.


Rodney Come Home - other than the great scene below, which is in my Top 5 scenes, this is another meandering episode featuring the curious friction of Rodney & Cass’ marriage, the cause of which is never clear” episode.


Sickness & Wealth - good episode, not great, but really good. Features all the characters at some point. Not Top 20, but I always enjoy it.


The Russians are Coming - great because elf Grandad’s incredible monologue, but not much else happening. Not Top 20 for me.

G&S

Earlier today I posted what we *think* is a legit description of what the upcoming Gavin and Stacey Christmas special will look like, and now I've found a new picture of the cast! :)

Slate has a list of the Top 25 Nonfiction Books of the Last 25 Years. I don't read a lot of nonficton anymore, but I would respectfully suggest the brilliantly written Manhunt should be #1.

AND should be a comedy movie!

I still say this should be a movie, and a funny one at that.  A mix of Monty Python and the Holy Grail (the British Union soldier who keeps volunteering to take Booth on one-on-one, oh by the way he had also cut his own nuts off), and the Simpsons (Sideshow Bob as Booth, Homer as his doofus companion Herold.) The shit writes itself; including the ongoing joke that no matter how gruesome a scene one is describing, or how much they claim Booth is the devil himself for what he's done to the country, nobody can go too far without off-handedly remarking how incredibly handsome he was. ("The flames whipped around Booth as I setting my sight on him a final time, preparing to end this 12-day national nightmare...I closed one eye and focused on his face...which was, I must say, pleasant to look at...luminescent, really...")

Uncle Bryn! YES!

I don’t know where this came from, but it claims to be the synopsis to the upcoming Gavin and Stacey Christmas special (10 years after the final episode). It seems fairly obvious and incredibly vague, tho I’m licking my chops at the thought of watching Uncle Bryn melt down under the pressure of cooking just like he did while planning Gwen’s secret birthday party.

Thanks, Dickface.

Almost a decade ago, I posted about how light pollution in the big city sucks:

That's one thing I miss about down home, how fucking dark it gets without all the artificial lighting like we have here in NYC. The kind of dark where it's possible to have no idea someone is standing five feet in front of you. Seeing taillights across the river slowly move along a bridge a few miles away. Such darkness has always been comforting to me, and I think I get depressed sometimes being in the big city where there's never absolute darkness - that omnipresent pink hue of light drives me fucking bananas. It's like that awful feeling as a kid of going to bed when it's still light outside.

And years later the folks over at Vox noted some steps were being taken in the right direction:

The best known example to date is in Los Angeles, which is replacing its old bulbous streetlamps that scattered light in every direction with newer, more efficient LEDs that only send light downward. As Ucilia Wang recently illustrated in Forbes, the reduction in glare has been dramatic, and the skies overhead are now noticeably darker. (That said, cities interested in reducing light pollution need to be careful about color selection. Many LEDs largely emit blue light, which brightens the night sky more than any other color.)

Aaaaaaaaand now we find out Elon Musk may be fucking it all up again:

In astronomy, the greatest resource of all is a dark, clear night sky: humanity's window to the Universe. Traditionally, its enemies have been turbulent air, cloud cover, and artificial light pollution. But very recently, a new type of pollutant has begun to pose an existential threat to astronomy itself: mega-constellations of satellites. If Elon Musk's Starlink project continues as it has begun, it will likely end ground-based astronomy as we know it.

If these satellites were either faint, few in number, or slowly moving, this would be only a mild problem. If you're only observing a narrow region of the sky, you'd simply reject any exposure frames (or even just the pixels from them) where the offending objects streak across the sky. But with large numbers of bright, rapidly moving satellites, particularly if you're searching for changes from frame-to-frame (like many current and future observatories are designed to do), you have to throw out any exposure frame with these artifacts in them.

Well.

This correction will be tough to top today.

CONFIDANT PROCLAMATIONS FROM TEENAGERS, VOL I:

“People who are good at geometry are really stupid.” #paddymac

Dafuck Fact du Jour

One thing The Crown reminds us is that Elizabeth was Queen of England before Chuck Berry signed to Chess Records. Wow.

First Hearing of the Season.

November 24, 1:32pm. Washington, DC in an Uber.

Yes.

The Beatles & JFK

Of course the connection between JFK and The Beatles has always been strong, whether it's the idea that their coming to America just over 2 months later allowed Americans to start thawing out and healing or if it's that they were announced to America by Mike Wallace...2 hours before the assassination, therein leaving the scoop to be forgotten completely. Of course Walter Cronkite re-aired the report a few weeks later.

But it's also just occurred to me that both JFK and John Lennon were killed with bullets that, were it not for a few inches, could've also killed their wives. Interesting.

10 Years Ago Today

One of the greatest moments in all of television aired, the uber-meta Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm that included Larry playing George. mind, blown! :)

11/22/1963

(Originally posted on this date in 2008)

56 years ago today, JFK was shot and killed in Dallas. In the spirit of taking lemons and making lemonade, let's all remember that as tragic as that was and still is, it did eventually lead to the best Photoshopping job ever. Enjoy.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

If you need some fucked-up shady shit handled you may wanna try Woodstock since he seems perfectly happy chowing on a fellow bird.

Meathead: The Real Douchebag?

Been on an All in the Family run lately, which reminds me of this post I wrote almost a decade ago:

One interesting thing about All in the Family is that we're all supposed to laugh knowingly whenever Meathead puts Archie in his place for being intolerant/racist etc. But in the spinoff show Gloria, we learn that Mike ditched his wife & kid and ran off with some flower girl hippy chick. This, of course, after Gloria supported him for five years while he was in college. So maybe Mike was the douchebag. Hmm. I am a fascinating cat.

Top 20 OFAH Line

The Play, Dipshit

12 years ago today I blogged about the famous Cal/Stanford play ending by spiking the ball on a guy playing the tuba and received one of my all-time favorite comments. :)

WTF du Jour

Dwight Schrute: [unfolds a letter from his jacket and reads from it] I state my regret.
Jim Halpert: You couldn't have memorized that?

TFW ....

...you realize the Speaker of the United States House of Representatives has seen your browser history. 😬

Happy Anniversary!

15 years ago today the Malice at the Palace occurred.

Artest was such a nutjob that it is my premise that what he did that night was only the second whackiest thing he did that year:

Most people remember Artest’s fight at the Palace in 2004 –NBA player jumps into stands to fight, the world’s over we should all kill ourselves. Okay. But what got lost in that shuffle and what continues to both amaze me and crack me up is that earlier in the season, Artest had walked into his team’s offices and asked for a month off to promote a cd he had made for some girl group friends of his. The gumption and stupidity to walk in and ask for such a thing – Ron, my cap will always be doffed. Never forget, people! 

Still a Good Question.

State du Moi

Me: we are living in a dangerous, awful time. 

Also Me: DUDE we have had TWO DIFFERENT Fartgate controversies in 11 days! This is an amazing time to be alive!!!

This Made My Damn Day

1:27 Dog just tried to say "Colorado." After three fly-bys, finally just plowed thru it "Carararro." Sounds like a Chinese guy ordering Sammy Hagar’s tequila. Ugly.

More than 12 years ago in THE GREATEST BLOG POST OF ALL TIME I made fun of how Mad Dog from “Mike and the Mad Dog” spoke and today HERE HE IS TRYING TO SAY “CHUTZPAH” and my god it is a wonder to witness. 

Friday the 14th

I don't know why it's the only complete episode at the Daily Motion site but it is one of my favorite Only Fools and Horses episodes. Enjoy! :)

If You Find Yourself in London...

....get thee out to the London Calling live exhibition!

Top 100 TV?

I stumbled into this random list of The 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All Time from back in 2009. Like him I bolded the ones I’ve seen. Then I colored my Top 10 from the list in red (mostly to iconic status.) Enjoy!

• 1. Seinfeld: "The Contest"
• 2. The Sopranos: "College"
• 3. The Mary Tyler Moore Show: "Chuckles Bites the Dust"
• 4. I Love Lucy: "Lucy Does a TV Commercial"
• 5. Lost: "Pilot"
• 6. ER: "Love's Labor Lost"
• 7. The Honeymooners: "Better Living Through TV"
• 8. Mad Men: "Nixon vs. Kennedy"
• 9. All in the Family: "Cousin Maude's Visit"
• 10. 24: "Season 1: 11PM-12AM"
• 11. The Twilight Zone: "Time Enough at Last"
• 12. SNL from 4/22/78
• 13. The Dick Van Dyke Show: "It May Look Like a Walnut"
• 14. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: "Once More With Feeling"
• 15. The Cosby Show: "Goodbye Mr. Fish"
• 16. The Fugitive: "Judgment"
• 17. South Park: "Trapped in the Closet"
• 18. The Andy Griffith Show: "Opie the Birdman"
• 19. The Office: "Diversity Day"
• 20. MASH: "Abyssinia, Henry"
• 21. Friends: "The One with the Embryos"
• 22. Six Feet Under: "Everyone's Waiting"
• 23. St. Elsewhere: "Time Heals"
• 24. The Simpsons: "Krusty Gets Kancelled"
• 25. Homicide:Life on the Street: "Subway"
• 26. The Wire: "Final Grades"
• 27. Curb Your Enthusiasm: "The Special Section"
• 28. 30 Rock: "Black Tie"
• 29. Cheers: "Show Down"
• 30. NYPD Blue: "Hearts and Souls"
• 31. Frasier: "The Ski Lodge"
• 32. Arrested Development: "Development Arrested"
• 33. Roseanne: "A Stash From the Past"
• 34. Thirtysomething: "A Second Look"
• 35. The X-Files: "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose"
• 36. Star Trek:TNG: "Best of Both Worlds Part 1"
• 37. The Bob Newhart Show: "Over the River and Through the Woods"
• 38. The Shield: "Possible Kill Screen"
• 39. The Wonder Years: "Pilot"
• 40. The West Wing: "Two Cathedrals"
• 41. Freaks and Geeks: "Carded and Discarded"
• 42. Everybody Loves Raymond: "Marie's Sculpture"
• 43. Battlestar Gallactica: "Blood on the Scales"
• 44. My So-Called Life: "Self-Esteem"
• 45. General Hospital: "Luke and Laura's Wedding"
• 46. Ellen: "The Puppy Episode"
• 47. CSI: "Grave Danger"
• 48. Moonlighting: "Atomic Shakespeare"
• 49. Dexter: "The British Invasion"
• 50. The Larry Sanders Show: "Flip"
• 51. Taxi: "Reverend Jim: A Space Odyssey"
• 52. Damages: "Because I Know Patty"
• 53. The Carol Burnett Show: "Went With the Wind"
• 54. Twin Peaks: "Pilot"
• 55. Desperate Housewives: "One Wonderful Day"
• 56. How I Met Your Mother: "Slap Bet"
• 57. Hill Street Blues: "Freedom's Last Stand"
• 58. The Odd Couple: "Password"
• 59. Alfred Hitchcock Presents: "Lamb to the Slaughter"
• 60. The Big Bang Theory: "The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis"
• 61. L.A. Law: "Good to the Last Drop"
• 62. Law and Order: "Life Choice"
• 63. Grey's Anatomy: "Losing My Religion"
• 64. Murphy Brown: "You Say Potatoe, I Say Potato"
• 65. WKRP in Cincinnati: "Turkeys Away"
• 66. House: "Three Stories"
• 67. Dynasty: "The Threat"
• 68. Heroes: "Company Man"
• 69. Dallas: "A House Divided"
• 70. Sex and the City: "Pick-a-little, Talk-a-little"
• 71. Little House on the Prairie: "I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away"
• 72. Batman: "Better Luck Next Time"
• 73. The Outer Limits: "Demon With a Glass Hand"
• 74. Will & Grace: "Home for the Holidays"
• 75. Gilmore Girls: "Raincoats and Recipes"
• 76. Family Ties: "The Real Thing (Part 2)"
• 77. The Waltons: "The Easter Story"
• 78. Angel: "I Will Remember You"
• 79. Charlie's Angels: "Angels in Chains"
• 80. Star Trek: "City on the Edge of Forever"
• 81. Smallville: "Rosetta"
• 82. Farscape: "Revenging Angel"
• 83. Good Times: "Black Jesus"
• 84. Alias: "The Telling"
• 85. Melrose Place: "The Bitch is Back"
• 86. Scrubs: "My Musical"
• 87. Happy Days: "Fonzie Loves Pinky"
• 88. Magnum, P.I.: "Did You See the Sunrise"
• 89. Beauty and the Beast: "Orphans"
• 90. Malcolm in the Middle: "Bowling"
• 91. Beverly Hills 90210: "Spring Dance"
• 92. Party of Five: "Intervention"
• 93. Big Love: "Come, Ye Saints"
• 94. Ally McBeal: "Cro-Magnon"
• 95. Supernatural: "No Rest for the Wicked"
• 96. Rescue Me: "Baptism"
• 97. Mary Hartman: "Chicken Soup"
• 98. Breaking Bad: "Peek a Boo"
• 99. Family Guy: "Blue Harvest"
• 100. The Brady Bunch: "The Subject Was Noses"

State du Moi

Just wiped my mouth with the inside of a breadstick. At a Sbarro. So. That’s where I’m at in this thing called life.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I’m surprised how many kids love The Office considering it’s chock-filled with pop culture references of its day. 🤷‍♂️

Ayyyyyyyy!

The stars from Happy Days reunited to honor Garry Marshall which pretty much gives us an excuse to revisit this classic gem from Family Guy. :)

Basketball Upset du Jour

Was Evansville's win over Kentucky the biggest college basketball upset since Chaminade beat Ralph? Maybe, maybe not...but it's still not as big as the greatest game I ever played in.

Still Interesting.

Truth du Jour

I don’t like most of his movies but I really like Judd Apatow and now I just heard him say that when he orders Postmates for his kids & their friends he “accidentally” orders two extra entrees and then hoovers them in the basement so now he is my hero.

Doin' The Charleston

I found this photo of pizza at my office and I'd almost SWEAR it's a slice from my favorite pizza joint in my old neighborhood of Williamsburg, The Charleston.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't your old band used to blow the roof off that place?"

Sigh. YES, faithful readers, yes.

What Happens When Dudes Kiss

A lot of stuff has been going around re: Prop 8, should same-sex marriage be made legal etc etc. People wanna talk about the Constitutional ramifications (ooooohhh....doesn't "ramifications" just SOUND like someone's getting ass-handled?) of such an amendment, and they also wanna talk about what effect it would have on traditional marriage. I don't know what effect it would have on traditional marriage, but I am here to tell you what will happen if it becomes okay for gay people to get married: they will die.

How do I know this? Let's take a walk:

Oh look, here's Hayday rocking a nice set out at the Charleston. No big deal, just melting some faces. Hey, you worked hard all week; you've earned the right to have your ass handed to you by my bordering-on-the-absurdly frighteningly awesome fretwork.


Oh look, here's Xmastime bringing his buddy Dave up to play a song. I think it was Cant Hardly Wait, if memory serves me. And by "if memory serves me," I mean some kids from the Netherlands YouTubed it and are prolly filming me right now, as we speak.


Okay, here we are, rocking, blowing the roof off the place, and Dave comes over to sing into my mic and...OH SHIT!!! WE KISS!!!!!!!!!!! Dish & Brian have that "OMG" look on their faces.



And since we kissed, now God has decided to step in, and what does God do with dudes who kiss? That's right - he fucking vaporizes them; turning them into green dust, never to be seen again.
To be honest, I have no idea why God spared me. Maybe cause I played high school football, so he knows my gayness might've just been a thing of the moment? But poor, poor Dave...ain't seen him since. Zap, gone. After our third encore that night, when the police finally showed up to disperse the crowd and I had picked out my "Tail of the Night," I remember thinking geez, what happened to Dave? And now we know. If you're gay, God will fucking vaporize you. Vote accordingly, America.

Phony Beatlemania Has Bitten the Dust

Incredibly, the 40th anniversary of London Calling is upon us:

Does he feel that punk became restrictive for the band – and Strummer in particular, who adopted its speech mannerisms and attitude in a way that completely belied his son-of-a-diplomat, boarding-school upbringing, and even his years as a hippie squatter? “I’ve worked so much with Joe’s archives,” he says, “that [I can tell] there was never a change in attitude within his spirit. His sense of integrity was [the same] throughout, whatever music he was into. If you listen to his lyrics throughout his lifetime, he was always a passionate rebel.”

I ask Letts if he thinks Strummer, who died in 2002 at the age of 50, had a sense of his own musical legacy and whether he had a favourite album. “Joe was very hard on himself,” he says, softly. “I don’t think he was ever satisfied with anything he’d done.”

My favorite Clash song is on that album.

Xmastime at the Movies

Rewatching The Deer Hunter reminds me that I feel like if I could pull off adding a laugh track to it, there's nothing I couldn't do.

Irony du Jour

The creator of the Impossible Burger has fangs that were MADE to tear apart cooked animal flesh.

Dafuck du Jour

Every one of The Beatles’ guitars were iconic WHY WOULD THEY USE THIS ONE ON THE PACKAGING????!!!

Tiny Throwback Thursday

Someone at the office is playing Tiny Dancer which means its time to re-post this 2009 Xmastime classic. You're welcome, people!

On the Bus

Two days a week I get on a bus at the GW Bridge and take about a 10-minute bus ride to work. One stop after I get on, a large group of Mexicans get on the bus; at this point the bus is almost perfectly divided between the Mexicans, and white people like me. And I've noticed that there is zero interaction between these two groups. We each sit on our respective sides of the bus not looking at each other. Where the fuck am I, I thought the other day. Selma, Alabama, ca 2009 1950? For once, instead of waiting for someone else to break through the wall between us, I decided it was up to me to broker some common geniality.

But how? I am a simple man. And I don't speak Spanish. How could I get through to EVERYbody, not only the Mexicans on the "other side"?

Then it dawned on me exactly what to do.

I leaned my head against the large bus window, and looked bleakly out at Ft. Lee as we drove through it. The bus was almost completely silent. And then from my seat, against the window, a quiet voice started slowly rising.

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

I didn't even look around, I kept looking out the window, knowing that someone on the other side would know when to come in.

Jesus freaks out in the street, Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs, (CUE! come in, someone else!! Now! MAGIC TIME!) The boulevard is not that bad

Hmm....nobody joined in. Total silence. I continued; maybe they were waiting for a different line?

Piano man he makes his stand, In the auditorium (someone shouts out "shut the fuck up!" But this person was from my side of the bus - hey dude, I'm not singing just for you!! I continued)
Looking on she sings the songs, The words she knows the tune she hums

At this point someone from the other side of the bus shouted something at me. But as I said, I do not speak Spanish, so I have no idea if it was "shut the fuck up!" or "when should we all come in??!" So. I continued.

But oh how it feels so real, Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me, When I say softly slowly

Okay, nothing so far - but here comes the chorus! There's no WAY they'll be able to resist the chorus; by the end of it we'll all be singing together, slapping each other cinco! This is it!!!! I stood up, turned to look at everybody, and fucking belted it out at the top of my lungs

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today

I stopped singing, breathing heavily, sweat beading, and opened my eyes...and all the Mexicans were streaming by me, not even looking up at me, filing off the bus as per usual. I looked around to "my team." Zero eye contact. So I slumped back down in my chair, head against the window, looking out. And wondering what will I do tomorrow to bring these groups of people together once and for all. Sigh.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

So we’re supposed to believe The Conners are poor yet have a basement with 16-foot ceilings?

Historic.

First time trying. I didn’t notice what the price difference is, but based on taste and texture I really don’t know a reason to buy a regular one again. 👍 

Learned Fact du Jour

Just learned no actor on The Office won an Emmy for their performance. Wow.

Wile E.!

Years ago I mentioned stumbling into an early Roadrunner cartoon in which Wile E. Coyote could talk, which was fascinating:

Also, in these episodes, Wile E. can talk - not only could he talk, but it turns out he's a noxious, pretentious fucking fop who's so full of himself that not only does he refer to himself as "Wile E. Coyote, Genius", but he has a fucking business card that says just that!

Flash forward to an episode of Cheers, wherein Woody asks why doesn't the coyote, instead of spending all that money on fancy gadgets to catch the Roadrunner, just use that money for food?  To which, after some discussion, Cliff cleverly surmises "Woody, I think you're missing the point here. It's not that Wile E. Coyote wants to eat or that he wants to eat a roadrunner. What he wants is to eat that particular roadrunner. It's very existential." (Clip HERE)

This is fantastic - while chasing Bugs Bunny, Wile E. Coyote is the perfect amalgamation of Cliff Clavin, Frasier Crane and Woody: curiously confidant in his non-existent intelligence, pompously full of bombast, and yet, in the end, utterly clueless.  Perfect.

Today over at Vulture there's a piece on the enduring love we have for him:

Still, he perseveres, and maybe that’s what makes Wile E. Coyote so endearing. America loves an underdog, even if he is a predator trying to devour an innocent bird. Dan Flores, in his wonderful book Coyote America, even calls Wile E. an “avatar [of postwar America] in a coyote suit.” In Flores’s view, Wile E. starts off simply famished and then becomes too sure of his own genius and obsessed with mail-order technology and gimmicks. It’s sadly a more relevant metaphor than Flores intends. A plucky, ravenous predator high on his supposed intelligence whose technological schemes always blow up in his face is a pretty good description of the U.S. right now, too.

That’s the real key to the success of Wile E. Coyote. Like any good mythic figure, including the Native American coyote, Wile E. can be whatever we need him to be: a wild animal, Want, a Western cowboy, a dad, America itself. But none of those definitions fully fit either. Wile E.’s too smart and fast for that. We get so close, but we never can quite get a hold on him. And more than anything, doesn’t that make you want to dust yourself off and start the chase again?

Thoughts. I Have Them.

One way it should be pretty obvious to us that women should be running the world is that the Girl Scouts have been selling cookies for almost a hundred years and the Boy Scouts still haven't caught on that maybe they should be doing the same thing.

NFL Teams Starting To Wonder If It's Possible Former Super Bowl QB May Be Better Than Someone Called "Alex Tanney."

Animal Hatz

An article wonders when& why the trend of having little kids wear hats that look like animals began:

Although it may feel natural, our visual enjoyment of the animal-kid hybrid that an ear hat temporarily creates is historically specific. A couple hundred years ago, parents would have been horrified at the idea of dressing their kids like beasts. Historian Karin Calvert writes that many of the choices colonial American parents made—from rigorous swaddling to “straighten out” limbs, to the use of “standing stools” to encourage early uprightness—came from a deep anxiety that children needed to be taught to become human. The animal-like qualities of infants and toddlers (their physical immaturity, their unpredictability) frightened, rather than entranced, these parents. Crawling and creeping, in particular, were violations of what Calvert describes as the “hierarchy of things”; children, if they were to assume their rightful human place between the animals and God, needed to “do so on their feet, not on their hands and knees.” I’m sorry to any 17^th century ghosts who had to witness my daughter crawl around the house in her tiger costume a few years ago on Halloween! The sight must have been truly disturbing.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you write about this in your national non-selling novel years ago?"

Why yes, dear reader, yes! :)

Thoughts. I Have Them.

There were two jarring moments of my youth: when during the MASH finale we realized the theme song had lyrics and during the Cheers finale when we all realized the theme song had more than one verse.

 

Previous MASH finale song thoughts from Xmastime HERE:

Of course, I had never seen the movie, which had the full song in it, and I found out HERE that the lyrics on such a heavy subject were written by Robert Altman's 14 year-old son, for reasons that make perfect sense when you think about it: who better to write such a thought about suicide than a teenage boy, what with the main requirement being "angsty teen poetry"?  Brilliant.

"Cheers" Thought du Jour

I will never understand why Sam felt he needed a back office that basically was the same size as the goddam bar.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

If the office IT guy says he’s never heard of The IT Crowd should I consider it a given that he’s fucking with me?

Twitter Thingee du Jour

People on Twitter (as opposed to, say, bears on Twitter) are listing their favorite baseball players by position. FAVORITE, not BEST. Here's mine!...of course I'm gonna wanna edit it the second this is posted. Ack.

C: Yogi Berra
1B: Tino Martinez
2B: Robbie Cano
3B: Alex Rodriguez
SS: Derek Jeter
LF: Hideki Matsui
RF: Babe Ruth
CF: Mickey Mantle
P: Jim Bouton

Making It Rain.

Did this Spend Bill Gates money thing and this is what I got. Feels like way too many diamond rings.

Ah Yes...

...that rarefied air of sweet, sweet justice! :)

Armistice Day

My Weekend

My goddaughter apparently thinks I dress like Angus Young. I’ll take it. 🤗

Diners, Drive-Throughs and Dead People.

The other night I watched this 1993 documentary about great diners in Pennsylvania. I thorouyly enjoyed it, but since most of them featured loyal patrons who were already retired I spent most of the time wondering how many of them were dead now.

Hmm.

This is a curiously generous version of what a White Castle burger looks like in reality. From HERE.

Sure, Why Not.

Ahhhhh Yes...

...TFW you know you can’t count on Amtrak’s shitty wi-fi and then realize you’ve downloaded an episode of Wings.