Tuesday, January 31, 2023
My Weekend
What you need to know about my gang of short ne’er do-wells & adorable vigilantes: bunny ears are always funny and yes, immediately after this was taken I was stabbed in the eyeball.
Moooore Good News for Ada Límon
I've bragged about coulda-been Mrs. Xmastime Ada Límon on these pages forever, whether it's her books of poetry or being an answer in the New York Times (or, as I call it, "The Times") crossword or, unbelievably, her becoming US Poet Laureate this year.
But this...THIS is on a whole new level. Her name and words will live on for the next 5 billion years, until it allllllllll collapses into the Sun. Incredible. Just crazy incredible.
I have been wanting to share this news since I first got the call. I have the extreme honor of crafting an original poem that will go on the spacecraft @EuropaClipper to Jupiter’s second moon Europa! It’s the most intimidating and inspiring prompt I have ever received. https://t.co/DFyUg1onPY
— Ada Limón (@adalimon) January 30, 2023
Hey, at least I'll always have moments like this one!!!...until her people call and demand I scrub it from the site 😬
OFAH du Jour 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"He's been on the Bob Martins!"😅#onlyfoolsandhorses #ofah #comedy #TheBest pic.twitter.com/0pqJ8NYHGo
— Only Fools And Horses Clips (@foolshorses_) January 29, 2023
State du Moi
Nobody would ever accuse me of being a "badass!" but I do think me writing a song with the chord progression of DGAF will be adorably badass.
Hold Up. 😲 😲 😲 😲
The front of the can label reads "pairs well with recliners, gaming, and late-night snack attacks." Words on the side offer, "Notes of cheesy cheese, chili spice, and late Monday night."
YAASSSSSSS PLEASE!!!!😜🕺🤯
RIP Louise Harrison
A Beatles sister dying at age 91, 21 years after her more famous brother, wouldn't normally be newsworthy but Louise Harrison actually did help play a part with The Beatles' triumph in America:
In September 1963, almost no one in America had heard of the Beatles, much less of George Harrison, their quiet lead guitarist. Back in England, things were different. Needing a break from touring and recording, in September Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr visited Greece. John Lennon and his wife went to Paris. George chose to visit his sister, in Benton, Illinois (pop. 7,000).
While George enjoyed his R&R, Louise was busy promoting the Beatles. Besides dropping off records at the area radio stations, she prevailed upon local influencers—well, high school girls—to interview him. Her efforts got the band's song From Me To You played on a radio station in Illinois, which is one of the first known instances of the band hitting airwaves in the United States, according to the Daily Mail.
Okay it's not exactly playing The Ed Sullivan Show in front of 74 million people, but even the fact that she's the reason George was the first Beatle to ever visit America is something to remember her for.
Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?
Me, first in line at Potbelly for lunch, happily waving a guy in a military uniform ahead of me in line: "Wow, look at me...I'm so nice and thoughtful! For just having to wait about two minutes I get to feel like I'm doing something nice for someone else, what a great side order to my sandwich! I should do this all the time!"
Me, realizing he was ordering a bunch of sandwiches for his crew and therein would be taking about 20-25 minutes: "I hope he gets sent to Iraq and dies in flames. Today."
😬
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
…basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise, found snacks, Tim Olyphant, Quebec City, Cooper Black font, the National Gallery of Art, getting Chick fil-A grilled nuggets as a side instead of their stupid waffle fries, Heidi Gardner, The Rewatchables, Italian seasoning on a toasted sub,
Coach!
I thought coming up with a MOUNT RUSHMORE OF FICTIONAL COACHES would be a breeze but after 8 seconds I already have a list and, Reeves & Taylor notwithstanding, I don't know how to cut this down to only 4 and I have a feeling a bunch more will occur to me throughout the day 😬
Ken ReevesCoach TaylorHerman BooneCoach DaleLou BrownButtermakerCoach Bobby FinstockRodney Dangerfield in that girls soccer movieTed Lasso
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you notice something problematic about the original trailer for The White Shadow, your beloved show of shows???"?"
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did!
Xmastime 15 Years Ago Today: Genius. Utter, Utter Genius.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Mercy
I almost sprained my neck walking around last night; there are way too many smoking hot chicks in my neighborhood, and with each one I of course spin my head around after she’s passed to get a shot of them flanks a’ quakin. I am only a man, people. But one girl busted me, turning around to catch me leering at her and gave me a none-too-pleased look. Shamed mightily I continued on, but the oncoming rush of hot chicks was too much. Luckily I quickly came up with a brainstorm of genius…now that I have glasses, I can actually see these women from yards away, unlike the old days where I hafta wait til they’re right in front of me and then bionic-squint in their faces, scaring them before quickly spinning around to get my ass-shot in. Very subtle. Now, I can see them from farther away, I can take a minute to soak in their face and body from the front. "MMmmm, very nice" I might say to myself. THEN. When she’s a bit in front of you still, THEN spin your head around, act as if you’re looking at something behind you. Then she walks by, and even if she turns back around and sees you staring, she thinks you’re looking at something else, since you had your head turned when she passed. TA-DA!! Now you’re free to soak in her backdoor delights. You’re welcome!!
Of course, as I’m typing this I don’t know what I really expect to do once I lock in on her rear beef, it’s not like I’m gonna fall to the sidewalk, whip my dick out and start “directing traffic”, know what I mean? And it’s not like I’m gonna commit her to memory, cause they’ll be another one in about 30 seconds anyways. But hey…we can always commit ourselves to learn more and strive for greatness, can’t we?
Camon, Amtrak People
Over the millions of trips on Amtrak I’ve taken over the years I think I’m finally started to crack the code re: what they’re saying when they break in with the loudest PA system on Earth ever invented by the human race. I mean ffs part of the reason The Beatles quit touring in 1966 is that the sound equipment needed to fill a stadium full of screaming people wasn’t available; had they had their eight arms to hold you on whatever system Amtrak’s got today then I’m pretty sure they’d still be touring stadiums today.
ANYway, from what I can tell, most of what these Amtrak people are screaming – sorry, quietly reminding us – about is to NOT leave anything we brought onto the train behind on the train. A few minutes from each stop the panicked shouting over the loudspeakers begins, “BEFORE LEAVING THE TRAIN PLEASE LOOK AROUND AND TAKE ANY PERSONAL ITEMS PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE THE TRAIN WITHOUT YOUR ITEMS PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ANYTHING BEHIND ON THE TRAIN WHEN YOU LEAVE.” To the point now I’m wondering, was there some serious incident at some point? I mean it’s not like the “see something, say something” NYC subway campaign where the thinking is that if someone leaves something, they’re leaving a bomb. The insanely loud voices screaming on the Amtrak mention things such as jackets, bags, food items etc. Was there some incident at some point in time during which someone left something behind – a book perhaps, or a jacket maybe – that sent the train company into such a tailspin that they’ve dramatically declared decided, “Never again!!…not on MY watch!!!” Were people just sprinting off the train the second it stopped, screaming “all my personal items be damned!!!”?
Dafuck, Amtrak?
Housekeeping
Oh well - the mystery that is XMASTIME, right guys?!?!?!
Monday, January 30, 2023
BARRETT STRONG
There's no chance I would've guessed Motown legend Barrett Strong was still alive until dying yesterday:
Although Money was a hit, Strong found that he wasn’t earning enough money to support his family, so in the early 60s he briefly began working on the factory floor at Chrysler. In the mid-60s, he returned to Motown as a staff songwriter, and with producer Norman Whitfield wrote many of the company’s most iconic tracks, including I Heard It Through the Grapevine, Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone, and War. The pair’s partnership with the Temptations, in particular, yielded a string of extremely successful, beloved tracks; in 1973, he was awarded the Grammy for best R&B song for Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone.
When you hear his name you think of Money, which would be enough to fund any Hall of Famer's career. But look at this SHORT lost he wrote with his partner & fellow Motown legend of legends Norman Whitfield:
I Heard It Through the Grapevine, Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me), and the long line of "psychedelic soul" records by the Temptations, including "Cloud Nine", "I Can't Get Next to You", "Psychedelic Shack", "Ball of Confusion (That's What the World Is Today)", and "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone", amongst others.
Unbelievable. Just unbelievable.
Game Show Idea
I, as the host, see how much money it takes to pay someone to punch a kid on live tv. $5,000? $10,000? When it comes to beating up kids, everyone has their price.
Looking for investors, people!
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
…Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise, found snacks, Tim Olyphant, Quebec City, Cooper Black font, the National Gallery of Art, getting Chick fil-A grilled nuggets as a side instead of their stupid waffle fries, Heidi Gardner, The Rewatchables,
Sunday, January 29, 2023
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
…closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise, found snacks, Tim Olyphant, Quebec City, Cooper Black font, the National Gallery of Art, getting Chick fil-A grilled nuggets as a side instead of their stupid waffle fries, Heidi Gardner,
RIP Tom Verlaine
I never loved Television, to a Ramones zealot like myself they were far too "complicated". Reading hundreds of words later about Tom Verlaine's love of Ornette Coleman made sense to me. But Verlaine was THE bedrock and founding anchor of the CBGB's scene that I've loved since I was 14, always there in every way, in all the stories and connecting so much of the tissue it...well, would be a lot of tissue. I never really loved his band but always viewed him as an absolute guitar god. Without him there would have been no CBGB, period, end of.
So I'm surprised at my own melancholy upon hearing about his dying today. Just something about an important piece of a part of my life, now gone. And knowing this shit's gonna happen faster & faster.
RIP Tom Verlaine. And this genius of a song will live forever.
(Dafuck guys now that he's dead the image of him on the album cover is creepy af 😬)
Friday, January 27, 2023
I Mean FFS I Am Not Made of Stone, People
Nicholas Winton helped 669 Jewish children escape the Nazis. His efforts went unrecognized for 50 years. Then in 1988, while sitting as a member of a TV audience, he suddenly found himself surrounded by the kids he’d rescued, now adults.
— Gurwinder (@G_S_Bhogal) January 27, 2023
I like to remember this every Jan 27th. pic.twitter.com/uq998DaRH6
Come Together
Every once in a while this famous picture of two bullets that (supposedly) collided during the Civil War makes the rounds
and I was always very impressed until last night when I saw the exact same scenario, but with peanut M&M's.
Everything in this world ties together forever, doesn't it people? 🤔🤷♂️😜
I Have Some News for You, Brave Indian Warrior
As impressive as you look here...
....personally, I'm more impressed with this cheeky fucker just pretending to be dead. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
OFFICIAL EGG FOO WHAT?! ANNOUNCEMENT
"If the young lady who rejected Greg’s mix tape 21 years ago is watching this, he would like her to know that he is indeed ready to welcome her back into his life. Congrats, baby!!! #eggfoowhat"
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
...Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise, found snacks, Tim Olyphant, Quebec City, Cooper Black font, the National Gallery of Art, getting Chick fil-A grilled nuggets as a side instead of their stupid waffle fries,
OFAH du Jour
Always loved this one 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Come on Dukie, talk to Mummy"😅#onlyfoolsandhorses #ofah #comedy #TheBest pic.twitter.com/IJtSYN0hKV
— Only Fools And Horses Clips (@foolshorses_) January 27, 2023
Egg Foo ROCK!
Here's the playlist from the mix tape I talk about in the latest episode of Egg Foo What?!
Enjoy!
Thoughts. I Have Them.
That Denis Leary Asshole song should've had a line about "I eat everything except the raisins in your Trail Mix".
Thursday, January 26, 2023
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
...Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise, found snacks, Tim Olyphant, Quebec City, Cooper Black font, the National Gallery of Art,
Catchphrase I’d Like to Adopt for Myself
“Tickle tickle, motherfucker.”
I’ll keep you posted on how it’s going.
Slap Deez Nuts
The other day I mentioned the fact that I seem to be the only one wondering how weird it was that Will Smith basically just slapped Chris Rock, but we're all treating it like it was a barroom brawl punch. And now I see there's an entire tv show coming out about....people slapping each other?
Ugh. Talk about dullsville zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. No thanks.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “doesn't this just give you an excuse to post your all-time favorite Monty Python sketch?!?!?"
Sigh. Yes it does, faithful readers, YES it does:
Want Your Minds Blown, Little People?
My three favorite songs by The Kinks all have one-word titles.
Arthur
Strangers
Days
🤯🤯🤯
YAAASSSSSSS QUEEN!!
Xmastime Jersey-Hanging-From-the-Rafters Hall of Famer Carol Burnett is turning 90 this spring and NBC is doing something about it:
STILL no word on the fucking mystery re: how is it possible that she's never hosted Saturday Night Live (related - how were The Ramones never the musical guest??????)
42 Years Ago Today
As Paul leaves the detention cell, he says: “Japanese fans are so great. I want to come back again if I’m allowed.” Later on the plane home, Paul fights back tears, “This is the longest time I have ever been away from Linda and the kids in ten years. I don’t ever want a separation like it again.” Followed by reporters every step of the way home, Paul comments: “I sang Yesterday to a killer in the bath! I joined my fellow inmates for a dip in the baths and they asked for a sing-song. I communicated with the other prisoners by knocking on the walls and shouting. I became quite matey with the chap next door. We told each other the worst jokes in the world. Discipline in the prison was very strict, but I made friends among the prisoners and guards. But I was never allowed to see sunlight or get a breath of fresh air. That was depressing!”
How the fuck has nobody ever gone and found these prisoners who shared a cell block with a gotdam Beatle for 10 days and made a documentary about them and what they remember?!?!?!
Egg Foo What?! Notes
Day 2: Still Jelly 😡
Though it's hard to be mad at Garfield since his assassin will always be my favorite.
OKAY, FINE, WE’LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE SNOW VIDEO. Everyone please stop begging. You’re embarrassing yourselves.#jamesagarfield #jamesagarfieldnhs #winter #snow #remarkablelakecountyoh pic.twitter.com/f8kpQF6UKm
— James A. Garfield National Historic Site (@GarfieldNPS) January 26, 2023
EGG FOO WHAT?! Episode 31
Wednesday, January 25, 2023
OFAH du Jour
"I think in her own way she loved me, she never used to charge me as much as the other lads!"🤭😅#onlyfoolsandhorses #ofah #comedy #TheBest pic.twitter.com/XfMeVuAGqR
— Only Fools And Horses Clips (@foolshorses_) January 24, 2023
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
...Dunkin' Donuts grilled cheese sandwich, Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise, found snacks, Tim Olyphant, Quebec City, Cooper Black font,
Art & I
Had a little break at work today at the National Gallery of Art (YES, that does make me better than you.)
Here's a classic Van Gogh:
I call this one, Two Young Skanks!
Ahem.
Anyone who accuses me of being a tv snob because I mostly watch BBC sitcoms would've loved my All in the Family/The Mary Tyler Moore Show/The Bob Newhart Show/What's Happening!! run last night, I tell you what.
Xmastime 15 Years Ago Today
15 years ago today HERE I delivered a performance that should have won a damn Oscar - AND I mentioned egg foo young for the first time over on video!!
Grr. So Jelly. Grrr.
Relax for about 15 seconds and watch it snow at James A. Garfield NHS.#jamesagarfield #jamesagarfieldnhs #winter #snow #remarkablelakecountyoh pic.twitter.com/UAErRV6Gxx
— James A. Garfield National Historic Site (@GarfieldNPS) January 25, 2023
Tuesday, January 24, 2023
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
...Alex P. Keaton, Dunkin' Donuts grilled cheese sandwich, Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise, found snacks, Tim Olyphant, Quebec City,
Superslice du Jour
Someone get on the blower & tell Pete Townsend THIS is the best mid-60s song with "can't explain" in the title!! 😜
Ice Cream & T-Swizz
I heard a story when I was a kid, which means I think I heard a story but maybe I didn't and made it all up but it really doesn't matter since I've been telling it for about 650 goddam years now, about a friend of my mother's who was very large, okay we'll call it fat after all it was the 1970s, and was lying in bed inhaling a huge banana split when her husband, home from work early, barged in and surprised her.
He yelled at her and yelled at her, that she had been trying so hard to lose weight etc etc and goddammit how could she do this to herself blah blah blah. My mother's friend was absolutely horrified. One because she'd been busted, and two because it was actually her second banana split.
🤣
I bring this up only because last night while looking for something on Hulu to watch I stumbled upon the Taylor Swift documentary. Hmmm, I thought to myself as I clicked on it. A few minutes later I was horrified to think to myself (again) wow what if someone barged in and surprised me right now; they'd spend the rest of our lives making fun of me for watching the Taylor Swift documentary. I would be absolutely horrified. One because I'd have been busted, and two because it would actually have been the second time I watched it.
Mind Blown du Jour, Folks
About a million years ago I had some riff about how I'd like to host a game show in which I explain to kids that all songs are really about fucking. To whit:
Me: Okay little Timmy, that song you just heard is called Dancing on the Ceiling. What do you think it's about, little Timmy?
Little Timmy: I think it's a bout friends, and they're dancing! They're dancing so great they feel like they're flying!
Me: (shaking head, looking at index cards in my hands) Oh no no I'm sorry, it's about fucking.
You get the picture.
Meanwhile, The Kinks' Hot Potatoes is a song I've loved most of my life, how it builds along so great like a sing-as-long around the campfire and all that jazz. It was only on my billionth listen a few minutes ago that it occurred to me that you know what...I think this song really is just about potatoes.
Oh, Damn.
Thoughts. I Have Them.
Monday, January 23, 2023
15 Years Ago Today...
...I made my first of what would be many Fireside with Xmastime videos, back in my old Manny days. WARNING: video is NSFW! Or home, if we're being honest 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thoughts on Politics. I Have One.
It must crush Sarah Palin to see all these newer politicians profit so much from their willful stupidity after she spent so many years pioneering it for herself, only to be quickly forgotten. She's the Paul Westerberg of politics.
Slice Slice Baby
When I moved there in 1998 the only dollar slice place I knew was The Charleston (before they renovated and took out all the fucking charm.) And you could get an entire pizza (even after 14+ years in Brooklyn I can't pull off saying "pies") for just $7. It wasn't world class pizza, but it was very good and had a unique flavor and texture to it. IE, it had a shit-ton of cheese on it. Right after I moved there the fancy-pizza Anna Maria's moved in and everybody went (still, I think) crazy for their barely stopping from buckling under the weight of its 14 toppings slices, but I always preferred the simplicity of the Charleston dollar slice.
This guy has spent the 9 years since I wrote that to report back on 464 slices he's eaten/logged (heh heh heh), to wit:
How much does a slice have to cost for you to consider it outrageous?
If I go to a random pizza spot in Queens and I’m like, “How much is a plain slice?” and they’re like $3.50 or $3.75, I’m gonna look at it and be like, “Really, bro?” But if it looks good, I’ll still buy it. I don’t know, I don’t know what it’s like to run a business in the city. If I walk in a place now and it’s a plain slice and it’s $4.50—whereas last year, I would kind of be obligated to buy it—I’m definitely walking out the door unless it’s an amazing-looking slice.
What would you say is your ideal slice of pizza?
No more than $3, with a good amount of sauce and really good cheese. And really good crust. A lot of places don’t have enough sauce on their slices. And it has to be fresh. Ideally it came out of the oven like 13½ minutes ago.
Meanwhile this is by far the quote of the year:
Instagram sucks. This has been a dream of mine, to lambaste Instagram in the press.
Yaasssss!!
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “speaking of your favorite pizza parlor The Charleston, didn't your band used to rock the balls off the place back in 2003?"
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did.
LONG LIVE THE NY SLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
...Jon Lovitz, Alex P. Keaton, Dunkin' Donuts grilled cheese sandwich, Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise, found snacks, Tim Olyphant,
Worlds Colliding (Deliciously)
Vaccine Warning...AND Wings!
Here’s footage of me taking the vaccine don’t fall for this stuff sheeple!!!!!
State du Moi
So I assume that collectively on Twitter we're gonna spend the rest of the day being shocked to learn that Tony Hawk is 6'3"?
OFAH du Jour, II
Boycie's greatest line, definitely Top 10 for the whole series 🤣
Your minicab has arrived Albert! pic.twitter.com/E3W04eK4fU
— Only Fools and Horses Lines (@OnlyFoolsLines) January 18, 2020
Happy School Pizza Day!
OVER AT SLICE they're asking if we remember school cafeteria pizza. Ummm...what? OF COURSE I FUCKING DO! I'm "guessing" I remember more about the cafeteria pizza from high school than I do about any class I took in high school. I guarantee I could do 20 pages (single-spaced, not that double-spaced shit) on the pizza, and exactly zero on As I Lay Dying, or the four years of mathematics I allegedly took.
Actually it looked pretty much like the one in their picture but with a bucket of grease - if you were lucky, you got one burned to within an inch of it's life so as to add "flavor." It was filled with those tiny, diced chunks of pepperoni, making that strange mix of cardboard and processed glue cheese that for some reason made kids line up out the door to get a slice. Lunch bags would be left home for the day (or tossed), friends would be offered free slices to show up early and hold spots in line, therein making 3rd period Study Hall the place to be (luckily, I broke the record for Study Hall, so I was the fucking Man.) All for something that, looking back now, probably shaved years off our lives. It was like camping out all night for Beatles tickets, and then two decades later and realizing you'd seen The Backstreet Boys.
Also, "Pizza Day" was every Wednesday, which coincided with the other big event in our lives at the time, half-price pizza night at Roma's. You'd think in such a tiny town they woulda worked something out so we weren't doubling up with pizza on Wednesday; then again, I'm sure there was an unwritten rule with all us kids "any of you motherfuckers blow the whistle on Magical Pizza High Day, I'll fucking cut you." Funny, we kept a lid on our pizza day, but kids today can't keep their mouths shut when it comes to shutting the fuck up re: hot teachers fucking students.
Sunday, January 22, 2023
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
...the first bad weather of winter, Jon Lovitz, Alex P. Keaton, Dunkin' Donuts grilled cheese sandwich, Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise, found snacks,
Saturday, January 21, 2023
Things I Like
Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list:
...writing books, the first bad weather of winter, Jon Lovitz, Alex P. Keaton, Dunkin' Donuts grilled cheese sandwich, Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes, Tom Cruise movies that aren’t part of a franchise,
Friday, January 20, 2023
TV Thoughts
It's weird what you gravitate to with some things; I'm pretty sure the reason I watched Dawson's Creek is because it's so iconically set in my head as being one of the first "new! exciting!" things that I watched after moving to Brooklyn. It was this, Survivor, and that movie with Angelina Jolie as some kid model or something. The Seinfeld finale! I'll never watch them without thinking of 232 Ainslie Street.
📺DEBUT: 'Dawson's Creek' premiered 25 years ago, January 20, 1998, on the WB pic.twitter.com/toexwnRQ16
— RetroNewsNow (@RetroNewsNow) January 20, 2023
OFAH du Jour
"Del at the doctor’s"😅#onlyfoolsandhorses #ofah #comedy #TheBest pic.twitter.com/BFCPLmo6Cm
— Only Fools And Horses Clips (@foolshorses_) January 19, 2023
Questions. I Have Them.
Why don't all elevators in office buildings have mirrors? Of all places - you're popping up to another floor for a presentation, you're popping out to lunch with a client and need one last look to make sure there's not a squirrel in your beard; I mean this seems super obvious to me guys?
Things I Like
...Take My Teenage Head, writing books, the first bad weather of winter, Jon Lovitz, Alex P. Keaton, Dunkin' Donuts grilled cheese sandwich, Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith, realizing that Love's debut album is better than Forever Changes,
Goals. I Have Them.
The only reason I'd wanna have a kid at this point is just so that whenever people ask about it I can say "oh him, he's a rescue".
Finally, the Internet Provides Some Value
finally, a reason for the Internet https://t.co/J7QA0aQRFl
— XMASTIME (@XMASTIMEblog) January 20, 2023
Thursday, January 19, 2023
BBC History Yeah You Know Me
There's years and years of classic British BBC sitcom brilliance in this one minute of action from an episode of Open All Hours, with
Ronnie Barker, already a national treasure by then and who would shortly also begin working on the classic of classics, Porridge, along with
David Jason, who was also in Porridge and then of course Only Fools and Horses, with
John Challis, who was in John Sullivan's first show, the criminally overlooked and LOL great Citizen Smith, would star along with David Jason in Only Fools and Horses and then star in the spinoff, The Green Green Grass.
Not too shabby for just 55 seconds!
Xmastime 15 Years Ago Today
Lots of stuff in this one post from 15 years ago today, especially some long tendrils re: wondering what it's like to be in random photographs/videos floating around we'll never know about, and about being part of a generation able to be recorded in the first place , or even what would become my never-truly-lifted-off-but-really-should've FOOTNOTES SERIES.
Lot of old Xmastime DNA is this one post from 2008. Enjoy!
I'm watching "Brother Outsider: Life of Bayard Rustin", and one of the first things they show is some film of him playing high school football. What? He was born in 1912 - meaning that AT THE LATEST, his senior season woulda been 1929. And there's footage of him playing!!!! I played 60 years later, and I promise there's no fucking footage of me floating around there. 1929. Good lord. Who was filming this shit? Who could've had that equipment - was Elia Kazaan hanging around black high school football games?
But this always drives me crazy. There's always some bio about a dude or a family, and the first thing they always talk about is how poor they were. "We had to eat the cat for lunch and then throw him up to eat him again for dinner, boy we were poor." And then they cut away to home movies. How did this happen? Hey, maybe if Pops hadn't dropped $34,000 to buy the camera from NASA, you could leave the cat alone. There are no such films of me growing up; hell I didn't know ANYbody who had any sort of movie camera back then. Any biopic of me will hafta start in like 2008, now that digital video cameras come free with two boxtops of Tide. The previous years will hafta be claymation dioramas I guess.
Capturing shit on film is kinda weird anyway, isn't it? I mean, who knows where you might be in a picture somewhere. Some family from North Dakota get their picture taken on the Boardwalk, you happen to be walking behind them and there you are, on some mantle in a room in a house in a town you'll never even know exists. Maybe in 1983 you took a picture, and beside a tree in the picture happened to be a girl you end up meeting and marrying 20 years later. Same with movies - e.g. the last scene of "Valley Girl," when the camera pulls away, showing the LA freeway packed with cars. What if you were in one of those cars? There you are, on film forever. Kinda creepy. Hell, there's even shots of unknown people that have become "standards", shown anytime there's a show about some subject. Like the girl screaming into the fence while the Beatles played Shea in '65, or the girl running to her father coming home from Vietnam. Anybody in the Zapruder film. We see these shots over and over; whatever happened to these people? They alive, dead? What's their story, what'd they go through in the ensuing decades? Become anybody, have 5 kids, date Tony Basil? The teenagers cracking eggs on the heads of the SNCC protesters in Woolworth's (or Montgomery Ward?) - what become of them? Would they do it again if they could, or are they ashamed of their actions of that moment? Somebody needs to find all these people, the people on the periphery caught forever, caught as part of history. Find these people, tell us about them. Now that would be a coffee table book I'd read.
Things I Like
...reading books, Take My Teenage Head, writing books, the first bad weather of winter, Jon Lovitz, Alex P. Keaton, Dunkin' Donuts grilled cheese sandwich, Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003, Penelope Keith,
Egg Foo What?! Episode 30
Wednesday, January 18, 2023
Rock Memories
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*I think we know
Things I Like
...over-the-top reenactment actors, reading books, Take My Teenage Head, writing books, the first bad weather of winter, Jon Lovitz, Alex P. Keaton, Dunkin' Donuts grilled cheese sandwich, Ralf Little, closing the work laptop to start a long vacation, Christmas Eve, basements, lasagna soup, funny sharks, crunchy Raisin Bran, Frank's West Italian Restaurant Pizzeria, Graceland (the place not the album), flannel shirts, "Suicaine Gratifaction", Thursday night, "Bored to Death", Ken Marino, my college girlfriend, watching 70's Britcoms on a Sunday, the year 2003,
10 Years Ago Today
Me & my goddaughter, her walking on the lunar surface looking like a Peanuts character. 🤗
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