Saturday, February 07, 2026
Look People...
What a Total Fuckwad
JD Vance's 100-car motorcade over at the Winter Olympics is causing a stir:
The VP’s enormous motorcade features dozens of Chevy Suburbans that barely fit on the tiny streets of Milan. Video of the motorcade, taken on Friday by the Italian news outlet Local News, shows one of Vance’s cars nearly colliding with a vehicle bearing an Italian license plate.Congrats JD Vance, you just became the first American to go to Italy & think "you know what, the only thing that could make this even better is if I brought my own food."
Vance and the U.S. delegation reportedly flew into Milan on multiple planes carrying staff, security, food, and vehicles.
What a total fuckwad.
NEW XMASTIME SERIES: Petty Album Liner Notes!
People if you don't think I can fall in love with such a low level of pettiness then you do not know me at all, people.
THE KNICKERBOCKERS
NUGGETS: Original Artyfacts from the First Psychedelic Era 1965-1968
Their lead singer, Jimmy Walker, would eventually join the Righteous Brothers when Bill Medley quit, though it’s not mentioned what he did when Bobby Hatfield would also leave a few months later.
LEVEL OF LINER NOTE PETTINESS: 9.5 I mean how much did Lenny Kaye for some reason have to hate the Knickerbockers to put that out there? 🤣🤣🤣
MY ACTUAL ALBUM SCORE: n/a (doesn't count as much since this is on compilation & not on an actual album the Knickerbockers worked on)
PREVIOUS LINER NOTES PETTINESS HERE
NEW XMASTIME SERIES!!!!
DR. OBVIOUS von XMASTIME VI DOES THE NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST
I was gonna call out the bullshit of my beloved cheddar Goldfish stretching out into a million different flavors (like every other snack brand nowadays grrrrrrrr) by dropping a snappy little "these don't taste like mice at all" but I couldn't triumph over my own nagging "well, the originals don;t taste like goldfish" thoughts so that blew up in my face. Sometimes I worry that I'm the only person who's noticed that the visual cousin to my beloved egg foo young in dessert form is....the apple fritter? Has nobody else noticed this? And what are we all gonna do about it? Catherine Tate is Kristen Wiig except she's actually funny. I was noticing how weird it was that Frank Gore ended his NFL career with exactly 16,000 yards rushing and then I realized he also ended his career with exactly 100 touchdown and so now I am officially donezo for the day. 😲🤯🤯🤯 And ffs bow that I'm seeing this I can't believe he didn't knock out another 15 yards from scrimmage so he'd finish with an even 20,000. TURNS OUT...maybe he's still rocking?????????? 🎸🤗❤️🕺 If this really IS him then I'm thrilled, but also if it is then fuck you jashutnyc he always sounded incredible whenever I saw him!!! Here's the first 10 players to ever hit 100 three-pointers; not only do I not know 6 of them but I've literally never even heard their names. I call this one, "Shitty Comments I Make in My Head That I Don't Actually Post Because I Don't Wanna Put Such a Thing Out into the World". Enjoy, everybody! Why has there never been a documentary made about Miskel Spillman? - XMASTIME 2022 CNN tells a little bit about the story of Spillman, the 80-year-old grandmother who once hosted Saturday Night Live after winning a contest: Fascinating du Jour: the episode Skillman hosted also happened to include one of the show's most famous musical moments, when Elvis Costello stopped his band from playing whatever zzzzzzzzz song they were gonna play and they played the "eff you radio!" song Radio Radio instead, which I guess got him banned from the show for 10 years (little-known- fun fact: Costello was only there in the first place because the Sex Pistols had canceled at the last minute.) Let's celebrate the living by giving SHOULD-BE 😡 sitcom living legend Eric Monte some love: this guy created What's Happening!! AND Good Times AND wrote Cooley High which was not only the direct inspiration for What's Happening!!, but The White Shadow as well. OH AND DID I MENTION he also created the characters who would go on to become The Jeffersons?!?!?!? I've blathered on & on for years about how great the Minneapolis PBS station is, here's a clip from the Husker Du/The Replacements section ENJOY!!!!! IT NEVER RAINS Oh look I found some footage of 2nd Amendment super-warriors who've spent decades fantasizing about using their guns to rise up & defend all of us from government tyranny when some of that government tyranny comes rolling into American cities and killing citizens: I haven't paid a lick of attention about the game at all but I just noticed the Patriots & Seahawks were playing in it; the last time these teams met in the Super Bowl I was on such fire at the party I was at that the following group email was sent out the next morning: “Greg had a Klay Thompson type-night for the Super Bowl; A+material, much of it new, observationally on the mark all night; rollicking in the aisles. Hat tipped." CHALLENGE FOR 2026 ACCEPTED! HOW 2ND AMENDMENT EVANGELISTS IMAGINE THEMSELVES SHOULD THEY EVER NEED TO RISE UP AGAINST THE TYRANNY OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT: 2ND AMENDMENT EVANGELISTS WHEN THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ROLLS INTO THE STREETS OF AMERICAN CITIES AND MURDERS AMERICAN CITIZENS: I'm not as much of a Back in MY day!" guy as you'd probably expect but "like the NBA draft" hit home in a specific way I can only stand back & applaud. 🤗🤣🤣🤣 There Is a Rhino Loose in the City Del Boy at his best mix of the hustle & the hilarious, plus everything Uncle Albert says is hysterical too. WAY underrated/overlooked scene in the canon!! Okay I hafta stop myself now, there's just too many! Here's a small scene from Series 5's Video Nasty episode nobody ever mentions, it's not really superfunny or meaningful but it rather succinctly wraps up a lot about Del Boy & Rodney's relationship, and there's something so smooth & impactful about David Jason's performance, with every move & every inflection hitting perfectly.
One of my all-time Xmastime favorites of all time, from THINGS ARE GOOD, PART VI: “That’s right, $10 for me, or $25 for all three of us. No kissing on the mouth.” I've been reading Trouble Boys since it came out 10 years ago (my probably brilliant review HERE), and here’s something about how Slim Dunlap joined Replacements after they'd fired Bob Stinson: Speaking of possible American remakes of Only Fools and Horses, as I just was thank you very munch, I never believed one day I'd be able to watch King of Van Nuys, the 2012 ABC pilot for an American remake starring John Leguizamo and Christopher Lloyd. I've never even watched it myself, to be honest I'm a little scared to - omg what if it's great???? I asked my new bff ChatGPT about any American attempts at making Only Fools and Horses (I'd long heard about Steve Carrell trying to develop one but it not happening, and even found footage of what looks like a terrible 2012 CBS pilot with John Leguazamo), but my new bff CatGPT just dropped a bomb on me with this little gem: As you superfans well know thank you very munch I've LOVE LOVE LOVED Extras since I first started blathering away about it back 2007 and yet somehow it's only this very minute it occurs to me....why exactly didn't Andy cast Maggie on When the Whistle Blows? 🤔🤷♂️ Ummmmmmmmm.....dafuck is up with john Mulaney and monkeys?????? 🤔🤷♂️ 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I call this one, PEEPING THROUGH THE WINDOW DRESSING OF THE NEW BARNES & NOBLE AS WE WAIT & WAIT FOR MONTHS FOR IT TO OPEN AND WHAT DID XMASTIME, PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR GENIUS DO YOU ASK WELL THANK YOU FOR ASKING I IN FACT EDITED IT TO LOOK HOW I PICTURE BETTY SMITH'S INCREDIBLE CLASSIC, A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN A coupla weeks ago HERE I blathered about FINALLY getting my greasily paws on the beyond-legendary Big Hits of Mid-America Volume III, and now as I'm playing it for the first time & finally getting a look at the inside artwork I see a little something you may not know about me:
The Boss tells ICE to get the fuck out of Minneapolis. I won't deign to actually read this article but if I find out they’ve tainted the legacy of all-time National Treasure Elaine Benes by mentioning her in it then there's truly nothing thing left these assholes won't ruin for everybody else. 😡😡😡😡 People like to complain about James Spader and Catherine Tate being in Season 8 of The Office & I say not only are they wrong but they're literally as wrong as they can be since I believe that the mistake the show made was not having ENOUGH Robert California and Nellie Bertram in the show; Robert's creepy weirdo weirdness is one of the few highlights of the worst season of the show & they should've pushed his weirdness waaaaaaaaay further than they did, and the two episodes they gave Nellie a ton of screen time - Welcome Party and Angry Andy - she absolutely crushed it (I'm commenting on her performance only, not the absurdity of the content) & after that they absolutely should've leaned into showcasing her much more, which of course they absolutely did not do. While famous for having George's "it's not a lie if you believe it" in it, The Beard is somehow still an overlooked/underrated episode of Seinfeld - how is it never mentioned in the same breath as The Contest, or The Soup Nazi? The Marine Biologist? It's 22 minutes of wall-to-wall hilarious & iconic moments, including the aforementioned one, and yet it never seems to come up in any "Best of" conversations and I guess I'm wondering why? Other than the wars, years before Trump even showed up Michael Scott absolutely nailed what it's like living under the Trump regime in 2026.
"But fish can't read."
Well This Blew Up in My Face du Jour
Worries. I Have Them.
Anyway, that worries me.
Hot Take That Shouldn't Actually Be a Hot Take
(My recent hot take on how they bungled her time on The Office HERE)
Who'd Have Guessed We'd Be Talking About Frank Gore Today?
Friday, February 06, 2026
Questions. I Have Them.
Current Events
Fab 4 Friday du Fab Four Jour
Thursday, February 05, 2026
Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?
Wednesday, February 04, 2026
Questions. I Have Them.
Tuesday, February 03, 2026
NBA du Jour!
I'll Say This.
New (not really) Xmastime Series!
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime
Monday, February 02, 2026
Sunday, February 01, 2026
Movie Ideas. I Have Them.
On December 24, 1944, during the height of the Battle of the Bulge, Elisabeth and her 12-year-old son, Fritz Vincken, were seeking safety in a small hunting cabin in the Hürtgen Forest near the German-Belgian border.
It seems to me this could be an incredibly easy & cheap comedy to make - just the one set, a handful of actors, no CGI/stunts etc, just a coupla dudes from opposite sides of the greatest conflict in human history sitting around a dinner table while a complete stranger fusses over them??!?
The Encounter: Three lost and hungry American soldiers, one with a serious gunshot wound, knocked on their door. Despite the danger of harboring enemies—a crime then punishable by death—Elisabeth invited them in.
The Truce: Soon after, four German soldiers arrived looking for shelter. Elisabeth met them at the door and firmly declared that there would be "no shooting" on the Holy Night. She forced both groups to leave their weapons outside before entering.
The Meal: The enemies shared a meager meal of chicken soup and potatoes. A German soldier with medical training even tended to the wounded American.
The Departure: On Christmas morning, the German soldiers gave the Americans a compass and directions to return to their lines before both groups parted ways peacefully.
LOOKING FOR INVESTORS, PEOPLE!! 💰💰💰💰
The Problem with MAGA
The secret fear of the morally depraved is that virtue is actually common, and that they’re the ones who are alone.
or that turn out to be everything they dream/claim of being but aren't:In Minnesota, all of the ideological cornerstones of MAGA have been proved false at once. Minnesotans, not the armed thugs of ICE and the Border Patrol, are brave. Minnesotans have shown that their community is socially cohesive — because of its diversity and not in spite of it. Minnesotans have found and loved one another in a world atomized by social media, where empty men have tried to fill their lonely soul with lies about their own inherent superiority. Minnesotans have preserved everything worthwhile about “Western civilization,” while armed brutes try to tear it down by force.
Miskel Spillman
On November 19, 1977, the five finalists of the show’s first — and, ultimately, only — Anyone Can Host contest took the stage in Studio 8H alongside the evening’s host, actor and screenwriter Buck Henry, and introduced themselves to America. They were vying for a chance to guest host the Christmas episode two weeks later.
I guess this means that FINALLY someone is trying to catch up with the ol' schooner Xmastime, congrats to them I guess?
Spillman’s contest entry was a punchy pitch that abided by the 25-word count limit in the rules: “I’m 80 years old. I need one more cheap thrill since my doctor told me I only have another 25 years left.”
Spillman, one of only two hosts in the show’s history who was born in the 1800s, presided over the eighth episode of “SNL’s” third season. Her episode took place amid a true golden moment as far as casts go — John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Gilda Radner, Bill Murray, Jane Curtin, Laraine Newman and Garrett Morris.
Reminder of Greateness
I first asked back in 2009 and must ask again - how is Eric Monte not treated like royalty??!?!!?!
❤️ MPLS ❤️ PBS
OFAH du Jour
Series 2 Episode 6
Rodney: You were gun-running in the middle of a civil war?
Grandad: Well, that's the best time to do it!
Rodney: Why you dirty little mercenary.
Grandad: Oh we didn't do it purely for financial gain. Oh no, we both felt a deep commitment to a political cause.
Del Boy: Which side were you selling to?
Grandad: Well whichever side had the most money, really.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Saturday, January 31, 2026
Friday, January 30, 2026
57 Years Ago Today
Current Events
Fab Four FriYay
Paul Mescal is Paul McCartney
XMASTIME'S GRADES RE: HOW SOLD HE IS ON THEM BASED PURELY ON THESE PHOTOS AND NOTHING ELSE:
Barry Keoghan is Ringo Starr
Joseph Quinn is George Harrison
Harris Dickinson is John LennonJohn B-
Paul A
George D
Ringo C-
The Vicar of Canterbury
Sarah Mullally walked into St. Paul’s Cathedral on Wednesday morning as the bishop of London. When she walked out in the afternoon as bells rang out, she was the spiritual leader of millions of Anglicans around the world. Mullally, 63, became the archbishop of Canterbury, making her the first woman to lead the Church of England.
YES I KNOW YOU'RE THINKING IT TOO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CAN DAWN FRENCH COME BACK AS THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY NOW????!!!!! 🤗🤣❤️🇬🇧
Thursday, January 29, 2026
USA! USA! USA!
Life as a Republican
"What about reality tv stars?
"We should worship them like jesus & insist they be made king of America."
👍
Wednesday, January 28, 2026
Oh Yeah the Super Bowl
Tuesday, January 27, 2026
15 Years Ago Today on Xmastime
My problem is their bitching and moaning. For instance, why the fuck does someone like me even know what the corporate tax rate is? The answer is they feel the need to win some sort of public relations game that doesn't actually exist.
They're not happy merely being rich as shit, they want you to feel sorry for them too. Why can't they just take their money, light big cigars on their boats and say "fuck you, we did nothing wrong, it's our money"?
It's as if it's no longer just enough to be right, it's much more important to be wronged.
Current Events
The only delicious irony will be after years & years of these motherfuckers crying & squealing with rage about Obama coming to take their guns, watching them bow down on their knees begging for approval as they hand their beloved guns over to Trump. - Xmastime, September 2025
Housekeeping
Thoughts That Would Wake Me From a Deep Sleep, I
The One Thing I Know for Sure About Women
...and it turns out the answer is "all the way until the second one".
Me, at a Sink with an Automatic Soap Dispenser
Hypocrites & Bullshit
Monday, January 26, 2026
State du Moi About 4 Times a Day in the Bathroom at My Office
Brilliant du Jour
Sunday, January 25, 2026
Current Events
Saturday, January 24, 2026
Xmastime Has Some Advice for the ICE Protesters in Minneapolis
Friday, January 23, 2026
Thursday, January 22, 2026
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime
Wednesday, January 21, 2026
A Few of the Greatest ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES Scenes Throughout the Series, not Counting the Chandelier or Batman & Robin or Bar Fall Scenes
Cassandra’s Had a Miscarriage the single greatest example of John Sullivan’s brilliant mishap of pathos and comedy.
Uncle Albert’s fake surprise you can watch David Jason trying to not lose his shit. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Beam me up Snotty! Of course Del’s bar fall that comes a few moments later is more famous but this one always kills me and is totally overlooked!
"No Rodney, you're nothing like him" Final scene of the final episode when Del Boy tells him the truth about his father I’M NOT CRYING YOU ARE OH WAIT THOSE ARE MY TEARS 😭
Gary! classic, fan favorite
Rodney calls to apply for his own job like a total plonker this is just one of this scenes that only John Sullivan could have even thought of, much less written. 👏👏👏👏
Trigger's cousin whiparound story which is another one of those scenes 🤣🤣🤣🤣
XMASTIME 20 Years Ago Today
Minneapolis 🤯🤯🤯🤯 du Jour
Ironically, the person urging Dunlap to go for the job most was Bob Stinson. As they shined First Avenue's floors each day, Stinson would badger Dunlap to try out for the Replacements, occasionally grabbing a mop to mime the licks Dunlap needed to learn.
I mean can you imagine sitting at the bar at First Avenue putting down your chicken wings & on your way to go take a piss & you see this scene if front of you? 
You Know It (Doesn't) Make Sense, Bruv
Anyway. Will check back in later with any thoughts if any - in the meantime, there's a ton of info about the remake in the description under the YouTube vid! Enjoy!
🤯🤯🤯 du Jour
Questions About EXTRAS. I Have Them.
Questions. I Have Them.
(Also, as I've declared before his Bubbles Jackson thing may be my favorite comedy bit in recent memory.)
XMASTIME, Photography Editor Genius
Tuesday, January 20, 2026
Incredible PEEP SHOW Line du Jour
Mark testing himself to see if he's gay & looking on the bright side if it's affirmative:
I ❤️ MPLS
I'll Say This.
Current Events.
Another Country Western Song Title in Search of a Song
SEE PREVIOUS SONGS HERE
Monday, January 19, 2026
The Replacements on SNL
Rocoo, Lasagna & Williamsburg, Oh My! 😜
Current Events
“Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize, I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace, although it will always be predominant, but can now think about what is good and proper for the United States of America.”
So I guess his “grab ‘em by the pussy if they don’t like you at first” policy isn’t just for women anymore. Good to know.
Quel Surprise du Jour
In America
In America.
Sunday, January 18, 2026
Xmastime Calls Out FV
hey ho rock & roll deliver me fom nowhere
Bruce Springsteen in concert: ICE should get the f**k out of Minneapolis!
byu/Maximum_Expert92 inFauxmoi
These Fucking People Ruin Everything
Xmastime on THE OFFICE
Xmastime on SEINFELD
Saturday, January 17, 2026
True Love Waze: A Short Story
Dear America: We're Fucked. Signed, Xmastime
Brilliant du Jour
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