War is Hell

David Jason has always said that the Series 1 finale The Russians are Coming is his favorite Only Fools and Horses episode, and this scene by Granddad is why.

Weird

Here's the first person auditioning to read my book for an audiobook. Trippy as fuck. And the dude sounds 70. But still trippy.

No Club

I wouldn't call myself an introvert, but I pretty much agree with everything HERE re: why clubbing sucks. And I have no idea why people insist on doing it.

Strangest Gig Ever?

Julian Temple's been sitting on footage of the Sex Pistols playing an afternoon show for kids for 40 years:

At the time the Sex Pistols were banned from playing almost anywhere in the UK. In Huddersfield the Fireman had been on strike for nine weeks and were struggling to feed their families. The Sex Pistols played a benefit gig on Christmas day 1977 for the fireman and their families. There were two gigs, a party in the afternoon for the children and a gig for the adults in the evening.

Footage of Rotten and Vicious larking around with the children with Rotten letting the kids cover him in cake is just priceless.

Review

This is some of the most classic 7 minutes on tv. Awesome.

How to Eat a Goddam Hot Dog

I mean, camon ya'll.

Goals. I Have Them.

Dear lunch baked chicken: someday, I’m gonna pick you up with my hands to eat you like you're deep-fried and I won’t care who in the office sees me.

How the Hell Have I Missed This Show?

Can Someone Please Give These Jerkoffs a Coach?

Scott Walker walks into Philly, immediately fucks up his cheesesteak order.

For fuckssake. When in NYC, fold your goddam pizza. If you're a Republican, don't use rock songs. If you're asked for your favorite baseball team, actually fucking choose one. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Ugh.

I Seem to Be In a Clash Mood Tonight

My favorite Clash song is Death or Glory (which curiously has not one but TWO middle 8s), and it's also one of the first songs my friend Ryan taught me how to play on guitar 23 years ago.

And every gimmick-hungry yob digging gold from rock 'n roll,
Grabs the mike to tell us he'll die before he's sold,
But I believe in this and it's been tested by research,
He who fucks nuns, will later join the church.

Questions. I Have Them.

Is this the greatest song ever made by a guy who would go on to be defined in one of the world's biggest bands of all time? #joestrummer

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Sometimes I wonder if I miss the good ol' days, when we'd challenge each other's manhood by breaking into song.

Funny Aussi

The Saddest Line in Literature?

On the heroic death of Gavroche:

This grand little soul had taken its flight.

Just a Reminder

This is never, ever not funny.

I Got 99 Problems and Aspire to Have a Bitch as One

Enjoy the 99 Rules All Men Should Follow, including:

18. If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs.

______________________________________________________________________

“That’s right, the better looking you are, the less personality you need.  That’s why bars are so darn loud nowadays, right?  Good-looking guys want it really loud so they don’t have to talk, figuring that talking can only hurt them, right?” 

“Cool Rats!”

“Not really.  If you’re competing with a really good looking guy, that’s tough, since he might actually be really cool because he’s so good-looking, right?”

“Rats!”

“Yeah, that one sucks.”

“I’m good looking, Rats!”

“Ha!”  I tussled his hair and laughed.  “That’s right lil’ buddy, you are.”

“Not you Rats!”

“Thanks.  And you wonder why I don’t take you to The Nest with me.  But yeah, that’s why I can’t just stand there with my mouth shut, trying to look cool, and wait for women to come to me, can I?  Heck no.”

“Heck no Rats!”

“You’re a heckuva wingman, lil’ buddy.  But you’re right, I have to somehow trap a woman into my web, and then spend months making my case to her so she’ll fall in love with me.  I have to be at my best every moment we’re together, showing her my personality, my sense of humor, my thoughtfulness; I’m like Perry Mason up there.”

“Perr Mason Rats?”

“He was a lawyer on TV, but that doesn’t matter right now.  The point is, I have to make my case while knowing that at any moment, some really good-looking dude could walk into the bar and whisk her away from me without even opening his mouth.”

“Wha you say Rats!!”

“That’s right, lil’ buddy.  It’s exhausting.”

“I’m good-lookin Rats!”

I agreed once again while he gnashed his teeth together to grin as hard as he could.  Incredibly, he was still paying attention.  It was by far the longest Chuck had ever paid attention to anything I said, and of all things it was my advice about women.  The kid was screwed.

“You’ll do fine, lil’ buddy.  All you gotta do is not get fat or act like a complete idiot.  Other than that, just be as nice as possible to women at all times, and they’ll be lucky to have you.”

Dr. Seuss, Whack Motherfucker

For some reason they're publishing another Dr. Seuss book today, because yeah that's really necessary. The Onion nails it as usual re: Dr. Seuss highlights:

• 1948: Whittles down 580-page manuscript on horrors of WWII into If I Ran The Zoo
• 1960: Green Eggs And Ham delights children worldwide with its timeless message about caving in to repeated harassment
• 1982: Feels immense embarrassment after seeing image of actual cat for first time in life
• 2015: Local dad John Reardon powers through his 54th reading of Fox In Socks

And it turns out some people aren't in love with the good "doctor" in the first place:

There’s Jennifer Graham, who once took to The National Review as a frustrated mom.
“I always thought the point of reading to children was to teach them about language,” she writes. “How does Dr. Seuss help? Heck, he knew so few words that he had to make most of his up.”

There’s Amy Mascott, a state-certified reading specialist in Maryland, who wrote a blog post two years ago that began with a confession: “I don’t love Dr. Seuss. I don’t, and I haven’t, and I won’t. So there. I said it.”

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you call this 7 years ago?"  

OF COURSE I DID!!

All in the Gun Family

Republicans channel their inner Archie Bunker on gun control:

"I believe that, with all my heart, that if you have the citizens who are well trained, and particularly in these places that are considered to be gun-free zones, that we can stop that type of activity," Perry said during an interview on CNN's "State of the Union." This narrative is echoed across the Republican party, throughout the right wing media, and in the minds of most conservative voters. It's also eerily similar to the tone taken by the character Archie Bunker from the hit 1970s TV show, "All in the Family." 

Archie, played by actor Carol O'Conner, was a middle class citizen from Queens, NY, who was the stereotypical white conservative, filled with racial ignorance. In the episode "Archie and the Editorial," the elder conservative who would frequent "Kelsey's bar" to rant about his grievances, demanded equal time against a TV station manager who broadcasted an anti-gun speech. Ever the prototype for the modern day Tea Party movement, Archie was granted his time on the station's local channel where he explained what the country needed to do to handle gun violence.

In his rebuttal titled "Guns for Everybody," Archie gave a detailed explanation on how to stop "stick ups" and "skyjackings." "All you gotta do is arm all your passengers," Archie told the audience. "They just pass out the pistols at the beginning of the trip, and then pick them up again at the end. Case closed." Archie prefaced this by claiming their was a "conspiracy" by the government to take away guns from Americans, in some sort of "communist" plot.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you call this six years ago?"  

OF COURSE I DID!!

Dammit.

Great. The Weather Channel stole the title of my upcoming autobiography.

75 Years Ago Today!

Bugs Bunny made his first appearance!

A Wild Hare by anthforfamilyguyfan83

Happy Birfday A-Rod

A-Rod turns 40 today - over the years, I've defended him; first because of that that atrocious 2006 season in which his own fans were abusive, and secondly because in the end, we see that he's actually a pretty great teammate:

A-Rod has been my favorite Yankee for a while now. I guess the first time I fell in love with him was years ago at Cal Ripken’s last All-Star game, when he insisted on Rip playing short. An emotional moment; I’m a sucker for that shit. Then he came to the Yankees and he just produced. You didn’t hear a peep from him about moving to third out of respect to Jeter, even though the whole world knew he was a better shortstop. MVP in 2005. 10 rbis in one game off Colon. Then came last year – he struggled a little bit, and the world decided to pile on – bleacher bums booing his every move, radio show callers screaming that he was the worst ballplayer ever; I’m pretty sure someone found his image on the grassy knoll with a shotgun. Everyone who had ever played in the big leagues (including Brooks Robinson, who wasn’t a tenth of the hitter A-Rod is) “sitting Alex down”, trying to talk to him. And at no point did he ever lash out and say “fuck you, I am A-Rod, shut the fuck up.” I have never seen a town turn on an athlete so quickly and viciously. Ever. I don’t think people who don’t follow can even understand the vitriol directed towards him....this would be like Liverpool turning on the Beatles. It was unreal. To see him with each game, pressing more and more, desperately trying harder and harder. Mind you – this was the highest paid athlete in the history of team sports, a 2-time MVP, coulda told everyone to go fuck themselves, and he was being accused of trying too hard. While having the huge contract that everyone screamed about, the big rap was he tried too hard. Cadillacing? No. Aloof? Nyet. I remember my first boss, in Mississippi, after listening to me rant and rant about being taken advantage of by a client re: money, after hearing me bitch “godammit, I’m too nice!”, I remember him looking at me and saying “well...there’s worse things to be.” If the worst thing you can say about someone is he’s too nice or trying too hard, well then you’re lucky. A-Rod wasn’t cadillacing, he wasn’t veering off to the dugout during pop-outs...he was trying too hard to desperately please the people that blamed him for being rich and talented. I found myself with each at-bat praying, begging PLEASE don’t hit into a game-ending triple play!! I defended him, pleaded with him every at bat to get a hit......but the...you know what...I didn’t even plead with him to get a hit; I just begged god to NOT give the next days’ radio show callers something to scream about. It was a miserable season, capped by Papa Joe dropping him to 8th in the batting order for the final playoff game.

We all love Torre. But I will never, NEVER forgive him for batting A-Rod 8th in that playoff game. Never. Was a pure humiliation move. Just like as much as I love him, I will never forgive Jeter for leaving A-Rod out to dry so many times last year. Over and over, again and again, all it woulda taken was for Jeter to step in and say something, ANYthing, and it woulda made all the difference. But no. And I think I argued with Op for awhile that Jeter was right to not make a big deal of it, but I was wrong. He shoulda come out and said “we’re lucky to have the best player of our lifetime on our team, shut the fuck up.” But he never did. I started to think that Torre/Jeter and the other “real Yankees” got a laugh out of A-Rod’s misfortune, snickering like the cool kids at the lunch table.

So now A-Rod is having a season for the ages. ALLLLLLLLL of a sudden, he can do no wrong and everyone is popping hammys applauding him. I hope all is right and he’ll re-sign with the Yankees for next year. But there is an even bigger part of me that, after he hits 58 dingers and 160 rbis this year, hopes he tells us to go fuck ourselves and signs with the fucking Royals. Fuck you, have a good time next year cryyyyyyying on the fucking radio about how we let A-Rod get away. The Yankee fans deserve it, the way we treated him last year (and DESPERATELY wanted to get him in trouble this year with strip clubs/blondes bullshit.)

There’s a reason A-Rod is my favorite guy, and it has nothing to do with the homers, the inevitable Gold Glove etc. Over the years as I’ve been watching, I see things. I see that every time a Yankee, no matter whom, hits a home run who is right there to greet him, having some laughs in the dugout? A-Rod. He’s not in the video room obsessing over his swing or talking to Boras, he’s right there. And even more so throughout this year, when in the beginning the Yankees were bringing up a new 22-year old pitcher seemingly every day. Every day these kids (Clippard, DeSalvio etc) would get SHELLED and Torre comes out to get the ball, the last Yankee that would be on the mound giving them a pat on the ass was A-Rod. And to most fans that might not mean shit, but to me, I notice that stuff and it means a lot. To a 22-year old baseball player, A-Rod is a huge deal.

Today, he turns 40. And he's having a totally clutch season for the first-place Yankees. After last year's Jeter Tour we assumed A-Rod would be relegated to the whatever Dante-ian circle of hell; instead, he's having a great year and making everybody forget everything. Awesome.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

One of my favorite (of many) George Costanza quotes is “I don't think there's ever been an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.” This morning it occurred to me that it should have ended “Unless it’s the reading of a will.”

Obvious du Jour

How Does It Fucking Feel

50 years ago today, Dylan shocked the world by going electric:

There were other people playing electric guitars at Newport. But Dylan, as you say, had been seen as a hero and more than that. He was the man who had written one of the anthems of the freedom movement, and one of the people who was holding it all together to create this new world, this new youth movement that would change the world.The fact is, Dylan was not comfortable in that role, and by 1965, that role was feeling constricting and frightening to him, the fact that people were looking to him for answers.

When he got on stage at Newport with that band, I think the way that story is often told is that there were all these traditionalist folkies, and they hated rock 'n' roll, and here he was playing rock 'n' roll and the stupid folkies were lost in the past. I'm not saying that's completely wrong, but there's the other side of it. It was a very tricky time: That was the weekend that Lyndon Johnson fully committed the United States to victory in Vietnam. The civil rights movement was falling apart. SNCC [The Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee] — which was the group that had brought all the kids down for Freedom Summer the previous year — now was throwing all the white members out, and the new chant was "black power." That communal feeling of the first half of the '60s was getting harder and harder to feel like it was all going to work and the world was going to be a better place. Dylan was someone a lot of people were looking to to hold that together — and instead, he comes out there with an electric band and doesn't say a word to them. Dylan was always somebody who had been very cheerful, friendly, chatting with the audience — doesn't say a word. And is playing the loudest music they've ever heard and screaming, "How does it feel to be on your own?" A lot of people were upset by that, and you can sort of see why.

Not my proudest Google moment of the day.

My Morning So Far

What happens during "20 Questions: Animals" with a 5 year-old:

Her: tell me what letter it starts with.
Me: no, you have to ask a question.
Her: okay...can you tell me what letter it starts with?

Sigh.

Still a Few Copies Left!

Get yours here!

Marah Last Night

It's Only Moey Tyrone. Kids in Philly slice!

Worlds Colliding - Let's Do This!

As you people know, I love:

1. Toast
2. Scrambled eggs
3. Watching people make scrambled eggs
4. Ian McKellen in Vicious.

Now here it is all together. Enjoy!

Announcement

Note to children: sorry, but jumping off a couch onto the floor and surviving is not, and I quote, "amazing!"

State du Moi

Trying to explain to a pair of kids that they don't me need to observe every second of their having fun for it to officially count as fun. Obviously it's going well.

A-Rod

Somehow scores from first base, almost dies.

This is exactly what I want from an aged all-time great—flashes of brilliance followed up by slapstick routines. So you can take your opinions about steroid gummies and shove it; Alex Rodriguez is a fun baseball player and I’m glad his old ass is still here.

Marah!

Last night's full-band reunion show with Serge was pretty special. Also amazing - you can listen to the full setlist via Spotify.

Science, amirite?

(Photo via Bob Zimmerman)

I Knew He Was Dumb, but Now He's Deaf Too?

Look who's switching sides.

Previous Christie/Bruce love/hate HERE.

Living. L-I-V-I-N.

Spending much of tonight trying to convince myself I'm too much of an adult to look into what all this Taylor Swift/Nicki Minaj fuss is all about.

Sigh. Quite a life I'm putting together here, people.

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

Vulture has a list of the Top 13 Comedy Duos.

Made me think how much I'd love to see Ed Burns team up with Mike McGlone again.

I guess what I'm asking is, what the fuck happened to Ed Burns?

My guess? Stopped doing movies with this guy. Big mistake.

Questions. I Have Them.

Can you pay a call girl to come over and listen to your quips during an episode of Beverly Hills 90210? Asking for me.

I Loves This Shit

Guy does a turn as a hot dog vendor at a ballpark:

The first load of food is provided to me on credit. When I've sold everything, Green tells me, I can come back and use the proceeds to purchase a new load at the price of $143.75, or the $5.75 per dog that the fans pay. I'll make a 64-cent commission on each hot dog sold, so after ten dogs, I'll be up $6.40. And that's in addition to any tips I get from customers—a major bonus of bringing a fan's food directly to them. A vendor's compensation is entirely commission- and tip-based, so those two sources of income are all I'll be taking home (or, in this case, donating to White Sox Charities). Vendors do their best to monetize their sparkling personality while working to achieve a decent sales volume.

Goals. I Have Them.

I declare that by the end of 2015 I will provoke Donald Trump to call me a “loser” or "dummy" on Facebook or Twitter.

UPDATE: While I wait for the real thing, I'll just have to settle for the Trump Insult Generator.

Brave. So Brave.

Gawker nails it re: the absurdity of calling Judd Apatow "brave" for going after Cosby in his standup routine:

The bravery of comedian Judd Apatow knows no bounds: last night on the Tonight Show, Apatow returned to his favorite topic—rape—and guess what? He’s against it! So bold. 

The passable routine is earning Apatow gushing accolades—why? For daring to criticize a man so unpopular that even the president of the United States has called the allegations “clearly rape.”

What Gawker didn’t point out is that Apatow spent the rest of his routine being what would now be considered Cosby-esque creepy when talking about living with his wife & daughters, saying things like asking them if you can pop a zit on a testicle, and painting a portrait of him hiding in the corner of the room when these three “beautiful” girls are around. Wtf?

In Case You Didn't Already Feel Old as Fuck...

Charlie Young is 40. Wow. #westwing

Best Tagline for Milk Ever

 Sorry, "Got Milk?"

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Seeing the women on Ballers makes me wish I'd worked juuuuuuust a bit harder during high school football practice.

Werd

#OTD in 1969, one giant leap for mankind was taken when the Apollo 11 crew landed on the Moon http://t.co/9XC7OqpZKv pic.twitter.com/iWKZFQhCBO

— NASA (@NASA) July 20, 2015

Thoughts. I Have Them.

On days like this I walk the 4 minutes from my air-conditioned apartment to my air-conditioned office and wonder how the hell I spent 14 & 1/2 years in NYC with no a/c without jumping off the Williamsburg Bridge.

File Under "No Shit, Sherlock."

All-time Classic

David Jason on the chandelier scene from Only Fools and Horses; what he says he was hoping the audience thought would happen was EXACTLY what I was thinking would happen the first time I watched it. Awesome.

From the episode's IMDB page:

When interviewed on Parkinson, Nicholas Lyndhurst mentioned that before shooting the chandelier scene he and David Jason was told if they laughed not only would it ruin the scene it would ruin the series and they both would be fired. This is why when the chandelier falls both Nicholas Lyndhurst and David Jason are focusing on each other.

File Under...

..."funny because it's true."

Turns Out...

...while the world loves The Beatles, they are not in love with Beatles covers:

We’ve heard Brill Building songwriters and the studio musicians of the Wrecking Crew talk about how the self-contained Beatles made it tougher for the industry’s supporting players to earn a living. But it could be argued that they made it tough for song interpreters, too—once the Fab Four had laid down their George Martin–produced, meticulously recorded versions, other artists approached the songs at their peril. When it comes to the charts, the public has shown, time and again, that it’s wary of Beatles covers.

Pretty Great

We're so used to seeing athletes do terrible things that it's an astonishing breath of fresh air when they do something good...as for this happening, for fuckssake people, I AM NOT MADE OF STONE!!!

#2...#6? Ish?

I guess some people are upset Derek Jeter didn't make it onto the Yankee's "Franchise Four", not being able to crash the party of Ruth/Gehrig/DiMaggio/Mantle.

The truth is, as great as Jeter was, wouldn't Yogi Berra deserve the next spot before him anyway?

REEally?

Minneapolis Golden Era du Jour

Husker Du's Grant Hart & Bob Mould and Soul Asylum's Dave Pirner acoustic set from 12/21/85 in Minneapolis. Remarkable for many reasons, not the least of which is their cover of my 3rd-favorite Beatles song at the very end. Awesome.

Awesome du Jour

Eddy Grant reunites The Equals to play Baby Come Back, one night in 2008. Happy Birfday to me, indeed!

Cover

As wary as I am about the intentions of the publishers of Go Set a Watchman (my copy better get here tomorrow, Amazon!), I must say the cover is pretty awesome.

Trump IS the GOP

Me, last week:

Why are people acting as if Trump is some sort of GOP outlier; oh he says crazy things but the serious, mature GOP is horrified and wants no part of him.

What?

He's not too crazy about non-whites, he thinks you should vote for him just because he's rich, and his solution to any problem, particularly foreign affairs, is to "kick ass!!!!" In other words, he's EXACTLY what Republicans have been clamoring after for years now. 

Paul Krugman finally catches up, copies me:

“He’s a belligerent, loudmouthed racist with not an ounce of compassion for less fortunate people,” Krugman argued. “In other words, he’s exactly the kind of person the Republican base consists of and identifies with.”

“It’s clear that the very things that Upper West Side New Yorkers find detestable about him are exactly what endear him to the Republican base,” he continued. “Which is basically people who see in him everything — even the big red face and the yelling — that makes him their kind of guy.”

Happy Bastille Day!

Nobody could remotely give two shits Some people have been clamoring for last year's brilliant THINGS TO LIKE ABOUT FRANCE series that I posted throughout last Bastille Day, so here they are:

The Uniforms

Ratatouille

Winning Our Revolutionary War

Remembrance of Things Past

First Lady

French Class

Croissants

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Sometimes, I look around the room and wonder which among us will eventually be the first to die.

Okay, back to my Wings marathon.

Not the Headline I Was Hoping for Today

7/14

Oh, it's my birthday, you say? Well then, I do believe I will treat myself to a Wings marathon.

Gas

...could soon be $2/gallon.

In other words, Republicans will soon start claiming gas is $2 because of optimism re: a non-Obama president coming soon.

State du Moi

Just tried to literally tip my cap to somebody, failed miserably. Quite a life I’m putting together here, people.

The Countdown is On

We're only a few hours from this.

Wow.

Oh By the Way

The greatest name in college basketball history is still "Jarvis Basnight."

Worlds Colliding: Only Fools and Horses

It's generally well-known that David Jason was cast as Del Boy based on being seen in Open All Hours, which starred Ronnie Barker. But I had no idea that Nicholas Lyndhurst, aka Rodney, was also in a sitcom with Barker before Only Fools & Horses, the sequel to Porridge entitled Going Straight.

Goals. I Have Them.

Just once I'd like to do something incredibly nice for someone without them knowing it, insisting on my own anonymity, and yet somehow someone else lets it slip to that person what I’ve done. I mean, is that too much to ask? Sigh.

Hmmm, II

And now that Go Set a Watchman is abouttsta make it rain $crillah, Harper Lee's lawyer has oh gee, shocker, found another maybe novel.

Hmm..

Hmm.

Watching the livestream of the Go Set a Watchman talk on American Masters right now, I'm a little suspicious re: they're already saying how 'perfect!" it would be as a movie $$$$$

30 Years Ago Today

Live Aid happened.

I was at the perfect age for this - old enough to be taking music "seriously," but still young enough that "music" to me meant a lot of the bands that were a big deal at the time, like Duran Duran or the Hooters. Had it come a year later when I was into The Ramones and The Replacements I prolly woulda pooh-poohed it as "gay."

Great doc below on it.

Welcome Back...

...after 25 years...BLOOM COUNTY!!  It's back!!! Awesome. The comeback strip (below) is great; also, give us an excuse to visit maybe the single greatest strip of all time.

“Man announces candidacy for president; tries hypnotizing entire country into forgetting what a shitty governor he is.”

Happy GrizzaDay!

GrizzaDay (n) - July 13, the day between Mamalizza and Xmastime's birfdays. Also: excuse to eat a whole ice cream cake guilt-free.  

2008 Grizzaday HERE.

2010 Grizzaday 2010 HERE.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

The main problem in this world isn't just religion, it's that people do things in the name of an afterlife that has yet to be proven actually exists.

Del Boy du Jour

Only Fools and Horses is one of the funniest (if not THE funniest) shows of all time, but what made it even better as the seasons went on was when it allowed itself to do amazing dramatic scenes, showcasing just how great the actors were. And this is one of the best, when Rodney accuses Del Boy of having too much fun at Granddad's funeral and not mourning enough. All this made even more poignant by knowing that only 2 days later the actors had buried Lennard Pearce, who'd played Grandad.

In Case You'd Forgotten, The Equals Were Awesome

I just realized the opening credits to Horrible Bosses 2 are accompanied by The Clash's version of The Equals' Police on My Back. This movie is terrible but if it brings any attention to The Equals I'm all for it.

Solo

As a staunch defender of the idea that a man of my generation should only consider the real first three Star Wars movies to be the real series and will never lay eyes on any made after 1983, I had no idea Harrison Ford always thought the entire thing was, in a word, shit:

The evidence is legion. There's that oft-repeated anecdote of Ford arguing with George Lucas about the Star Wars script: "You can type this shit, George," Ford told him, "but you sure can't say it." Later, when Return of the Jedi rolled around, Ford notoriously lobbied Lucas to kill off his character, to no avail. What did he have against Han? "He was not so interesting to me," Ford would explain in one interview, adding in another, "He’s certainly a much less interesting character than Indiana Jones," before concluding, "He’s dumb as a stump."

In thinking about this for the first time, I must say that I wholeheartedly agree with this statement:

"What makes Han Solo work is that he is played by an actor who thinks Star Wars is stupid."

This Is Totally Depressing

Belgian woman granted the right to die because of depression:

Laura has been a patient of a psychiatric institution since the age of 21 and says she has previously tried to kill herself on several occasions. She told journalists: “Death feels to me not as a choice. If I had a choice, I would choose a bearable life, but I have done everything and that was unsuccessful.” The date of Laura’s death is yet to be decided.

What a terrible thing to bear. We all have our hangups/things, but this has to be the worst. Reminds me of Boy Interrupted, when an obsession over death becomes the inevitable.

Jerry Seinfeld is Still Great

Years ago Seinfeld brilliantly lambasted the ridiculousness of actors giving themselves awards HERE.  And now he calls out the bullshit of talk shows, once again brilliantly. Fucking awesome.

State du Moi

I've never been successful at convincing anybody at any given time that I have something better to do.

Pamper Me

I've reached a point in my life at which if I'm going to cut corners financially, it will not be with toilet paper selection.

Hey Thanks for the Spoiler, Dickcheese

Also:

In the end, Rhett just doesn’t give a damn.
Hero’s killed on a cross, comes back 3 days later.
Lenny looks for bunnies, gets shot in the head.

I mean, for f*ck’s sake. Grrrr.

Let It Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Old Paul Westerberg interview from 1990, interesting in that he comments on each Replacements album.

The Bob: “LET IT BE is the one that made people realize that, Hey this band is something else, this band is definitely not a hard-core band.” Paul: “This band knows Pete Buck” [laughter]
The Bob: “The songs were kind of transcendent compared to your earlier stuff. That album has some of my favorite songs of all time like ‘I Will Dare’, ‘Answering Machine’ and ‘Unsatisfied’.” Paul: “And every one of those three was written at a turbulent period of my life. I’m glad we recorded then – had it been 2 months later, it might have been different. I hate when I look at it that way, because then we’re back to the question of ‘Well, do you need that tension in your life to create great art?’ But it seems to come back to the fact that those songs that stay with you are the ones that were written at a hard time.”

Alert

All-you-can-eat appetizers for $10 are back at TGIF, ie your chance to beat this person's fantastic story yet curiously low final tally of cheesesticks.

I Did Not Know That

Peter Dinklage, former 100 Metro (HEARD of it?) resident and current Game of Thrones star, was (kind of) on Seinfeld.

VIA.

RIP du Jour

Roger Rees, aka Roger Colcord from Cheers, Lord John Marbury in The West Wing and the sheriff in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, is dead. Of course, he was born to play Edgar Allen Poe. Because I said so.

Hiss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The thing about sharks is that, just like snakes, they're especially scary because here's something that could kill you and it doesn't even have arms and legs. Normally you'd think "well, this guys got no limbs, this should be no problem" but next thing you know you're shark doo-doo. The difference being, of course, to get eaten by a shark you hafta make the effort to go to the shark - unlike a snake, you pretty much know that sharks are in the ocean and that's it. You're not gonna find a Great White curled up under your sink, waiting for you like a snake would. - XMASTIME

The Bronx Cobra is back, and pissed there's a Shark Week but no Snake Week:

It’s Shark Week. A week where the world watches these majestic killers of the deep swim and circle and eat fish and…yawn. Really? Sharks? Oooh, I’m sooo scared. If I go out of my way to charter a boat, go miles off shore, and chum the water to attract a shark, I could be eaten alive by this monstrous fish if I also happen to climb over the railing leaving the complete and utter safety of the boat. SCARY!

Love this guy!

Harper Lee Knows Me!!

Well...her social media team does, anyway...or, whoever random person does this page.

Self-Discipline

Trying desperately hard to not read the first chapter of Go Set a Watchman​ that's now online before my copy gets here Tuesday. Will probably fail.

Pick du Jour

I didn't know this existed until an hour ago. Fucking laugh-out-loud funny.

State Forced to Find A Different Way to Show Everyone It's Not Too Crazy About Black People; "Back to the Drawing Board" says Local Resident

Xmastime Confessions

I have a sneaking suspicion I’m not washing my towels as frequently as I could be.

How Trump Sees the World

Now this is fucking funny.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I feel like the only time the word "jaunty" is used is when describing the angle of one's hat.

Epiphany

The thing about the death penalty I’ve come to realize is that we’re all going to die eventually; why would I damage myself by declaring you should do it now?

Trump!

Why are people acting as if Trump is some sort of GOP outlier; oh he says crazy things but the serious, mature GOP is horrified and wants no part of him.

What?

He's not too crazy about non-whites, he thinks you should vote for him just because he's rich, and his solution to any problem, particularly foreign affairs, is to "kick ass!!!!" In other words, he's EXACTLY what Republicans have been clamoring after for years now.

Joe Theismann

Tries to defend the name "Redskins", doesn't do so great:

I think that is a decision that is going to rest solely in Daniel Snyder’s hands. It’ll be his decision eventually when courts play out and we see the end-result of that. I was and always will be a Washington Redskin. I’m very proud to have worn the uniform. I’m very proud to have represented the Native-American nations of country, the Washington Redskin fans, the team itself.

My bold; my questions is what if he had played for, say, the Lions? Would he say "I’m very proud to have represented lions"?

Thoughts. I Have Them.

There is nothing more depressing than the Sun rising.

Seems Plausible.

Donald Trump, aka The Gift That Keeps on Giving:

“I have a great relationship with the Mexican people,” Trump told reporter Katy Tur on Wednesday. “They love me, I love them. And I’ll tell you something, if I get the nomination, I’ll win the Latino vote.”

Has he learned NOTHING from Colonel Sanders' 1968 "I'll get the chicken vote!" speech? Wtf?

BREAKING NEWS: NYC real estate mogul about to launch a statement explaining chef is a total loser who's always been a joke in the business and everybody knows it.

Seems Harsh.

(Thanks #inspectelement!)

 

Thoughts. I Have Them.

If during the first Republican debate with Donald Trump nobody brings this up, there is no comic justice in this world.

True Detective Review

After clinging to every second of the first season, three episodes into this one I have no idea what's going on, pretty sure I don't know anybody's name and, worse, don't really care.

Looks like Courtney Cox has a new tv series. Good for her.

I'll Be Honest

Got a lil' crush on Carli Lloyd.

Help!

While it doesn't quite rank up with its predecessor A Hard Day's Night (few movies do in my book), I've always loved Help! in all its oddly-colored fun (and fucking awesome musical scenes.) And since it came out 50 years ago this month, here's 12 Reasons The Beatles' "Help!" is Perfection.

Happy July 6

On this day 58 years ago, John Lennon and Paul McCartney met.

Hold Up. Hold the Fuck Up.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

The only thing we all seem to agree on is that Connie Britton is wonderful.

Xmastime True Confessions

As a man for whom it was only a few years ago that my best sport coat was from the Johnny Bench collection, it's hard for me to make fun of the Trump Collection from Macy's.

Finally, a Reason to Have Kids

Bastards of Young, the lullaby version.

Worlds Colliding

VIA:

The fun cartoon below was apparently found in a “Guide to the Velvet Underground and Andy Warhol’s Factory” published by the French magazine, Les Inrockuptibles in 1990. It came around the same time the Fondation Cartier pour l’art contemporain (located in Paris) held an exhibition dedicated to Andy Warhol. Of course, Warhol famously took a break from painting in the mid-1960s and, among other things, threw his influence behind the up-and-coming NYC band, The Velvet Underground. Serving as the band’s manager, he “produced” VU’s first album, which meant designing the album cover and giving the band members — Lou Reed, John Cale, Sterling Morrison, Maureen Tucker and Nico — the freedom to make whatever album they pleased. Above, you can see these same musicians reimagined as Peanuts characters.

Headlines by Xmastime

Things I Know For Sure

If in a movie or tv show there are 2 dudes in wheelchairs, the odds of them getting into a fight and looking foolish spilling onto the floor are exactly 100%.