Because It's Been More Than 10 Minutes Since I Bitched About the GOP Tax Bill

Dipshit Republicans love to throw this quote around, but their tax bill shows they aren't even pretending to fear the people anymore.

Businesscow Rides Amtrak

Just found out there is a business class car.

2017 Unthinkable Milestone Achievements

Just told a 6-year old her drawing was awesome...and I meant it.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

If there’s not a video of Garfield singing along to this then I really don’t know what the hell we’re even doing here anymore.

how i SZee the GOP Tax Bill Playing Out

Step 1: average Republican worker thrilled with moderate tax cut. “Praise Trump! Glory to Trump!”
Step 2: starts to notice his taxes rising again while corporate cuts stay the same.
Step 3: realizes he was duped, while GOP fat cats are completely stuffed to the gills with his cash.
Step 4: temporary relief - McRib is back!!!
Step 5: embarrassed at looking foolish, so doubles down: “We need a bigger tax cut for billionaires!
Step 6: watches Brady win another fucking Super Bowl.
Step 7: finds a way to blame Democrats.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Podcast Alert!

If you like BBC all-time classics like Father Ted, The IT Crowd, Black Books, Count Arthur Strong and many more here’s a brand new interview with the man behind them!

Christmas 1983

11 year-old me learning that one day there will be something called “ice cream cake.”

Recliner du Jour

For those lazy-ass infants who just wanna relax and watch the goddam game.

TFW You Find Out You Hafta Go to Church.

Other Racists?

This is a kid who knows how to just freakin’ relax already and enjoy a goddam Hallmark Channel movie.

“How do I tell this jackass to get the hell away from me?”

ACC Bay-beee!

Absolutely intoxicating for anyone who loves ACC basketball and the players from NYC who helped make it so great.

Fake News?

PARENTING 101

What a parent says: “Do that ONE more time and I’m not dropping you off at _______’s for the sleepover!”

What a parent means: “There is LITERALLY nothing you can do to stop me from dropping you off at _______’s so I can have some peace & quiet!”

A Year in Review

While 2017 may have been a year of great division, I believe we can all come together and agree this was by far its greatest moment.

Xmastime Movie Recomendation

Loving Vincent is a stunning, amazing movie, both in its unique production and its telling of the already-compelling true story of Van Gogh's death. A must-see!

Finally!

Finally some relief for those unemployed Trump supporters frustrated they weren’t being heard.

I Mean Come the Fuck On Already.

He’s been in other fine things but to claim any character other than Sam Malone as your favorite is literally fucking ridiculous.

Gee.

If only he’d been in a position to try & do something about it.

To Be Fair...

...getting corrected by a cast member of The Jersey Shore would normally be embarrassing but in Trump’s defense Vinny was well-known as “the smart one”, so.

TFW You Realize Your Phone Must Be Broken

Somewthing I Learned Today:

Confirmation I will die alone: according to the women next to me at the coffee shop, and I have no reason to doubt them, criteria for getting a girlfriend now includes theoretically being able to treat her & her friends to a trip to Disneyland.

Sigh. Memory du Jour.

More OFAH

Worlds Colliding

Neil from the awesome Inbetweeners wearing an Only Fools and Horses t-shirt!

I May Be Obsessed.

And this doesn't even include my OFAH scarf.

Tis the Season

Instant Classic

"Hey, go f-ck yourself!"
"Okay."

WHAT FONT SIZE YOU USING BRO?

He's great but in this case he is WRONG.

The Vicar of Dibley

It’s a testament to how great The Vicar if Dibley is that this was only the 9th episode and the audience was already so emotionally invested they reacted in such a way.

Area Toddler Carefully Looking at Both Sides of Roy Moore/Doug Jones Race Before Making Decision.

Or As He Calls It, a Date.

No interest in reading...

...but this is a helluva headline.

Secxret Santa Success!

Officecow has a friend...say hello to Businesscow!

On This Day

In 1964: Beatles for Sale is released in the UK:

“No band today would come off a long US tour at the end of September, go into the studio and start a new album, still writing songs, and then go on a UK tour, finish the album in five weeks, still touring, and have the album out in time for Christmas. But that’s what The Beatles did at the end of 1964. A lot of it was down to naivety, thinking that this was the way things were done: if the record company needs another album, you go and make one. Nowadays, if a band had as much success as The Beatles had by the end of 1964, they’d start making a few demands. John once said, ‘We gave the whole of our youth to The Beatles.’” - Neil Aspinall (from The Beatles Anthology, published October 2000)

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Imagine being the person in training right now to taser Trump when he reaches for Twitter after Colin Kaepernick wins Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” award. Yikes!

Sigh.

Only surprise here is he didn't do the "Tomahawk Chop" as he walked into the room.

"PAPA JOHNS I'M OVER HERE HEY I'M OVER HERE PAPA JOHN'S GUY I'M...DAMMIT!"

I Have Questions.

2018 Goal

Overdub an episode of Little House on the Prairie with Brooklyn accents. ‬

Roy Moore: Jobs Creator. Nice!

Questions. I Have Them.

Which family member had the job during Thanksgiving dinner of making sure Roy Moore doesn’t try to sit at the kiddie table?

Challenge Accepted

‪Area Boss to Be Decided By Who Brings in the Best Staff Donuts. ‬

This Year's Regrets...

...seriously running out of time for this one...

Almost Uncanny...

...how things are falling into place for unemployed coal miners who voted for Trump.

Portrait of the Artist as a Pizza Eater

1. Pat myself on the back for deciding to not eat the crusts with each piece.

2. Proclaim “Feeling light as a feather!” with each crust tossed on separate plate.

3. Finish pizza. Make witty remark as waiter whisks pizza pan away.
 
4. “I’ll just gnaw on this little crust while waiting for the check.”
 
5. Inhale the rest of the crusts.
 
6. Spend rest of the night whining to everyone how disgusting I feel.

The End

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I don't regret not having children, but just once I'd like to yell at a kid who's left the front door open "hey guess what dummy I'm not trying to heat the entire goddam neighborhood!!!!"

Well.

Starbucks’ modesty is an inspiration.

How to Start a Riot and Burn a Building Down in NYC, Part 1

“Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the part of Mr. Springsteen will be played by his understudy, Southside Johnny!”

The World We Live In

Just because you get to watch the news at Mekong Restaurant doesn’t make it any easier to hear.

No Thanks for Nothing

Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s show of appreciation to Trump must have been amazing.

Took a While...

...but we finally made it all the way to "they were asking for it."

Hmm.

What’s with Trump calling out athletes who just happen to play in California? I mean, wtf. I don’t get it. It's a real mystery! (insert “shrug” emoji here)

Pardon My English...

Countdown 48 hours: how will Trump fuck up the pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkeys? Will be amazing

Hmm.

Maybe could’ve used a different movie to reference here.

State du Jour

At least twice a day I walk by this thing in a full panic that I’m gonna trip and it’s gonna impale my eyeball.

#WAYBACKWEDNESDAY

BREAKING NEWS: Alabama had shopping malls as early as the 1980s.

2012 Goddaughter Memories

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"Howza bousta anuvah drink, guv'nah?"