Ideas. I Have Them.

Surely I'm not the first person to think of filming a reality show in which John Boehner & Obama travel around the country in his Winnebago. Call it The 2 Happiest Motherfuckers in America.

You're Welcome, People

I was gonna make a joke about the irony of this since Asian people can't drive but decided to take the high road instead.

(Of course I know the reason they're bad drivers - here's why.)

INteresting...

So the people who get pissed if Starbucks doesn't have a Christian message on their cups for Christmas are now upset they want to hire refugees? Sure, why not. Shortens the line for me!

Love This Guy

(Now go watch THE WRONG MANS on Hulu!!!)

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Peter Capaldi should appear on Veep! "Malcolm Tucker visits the White House and scares the hell out of everybody."

Trump Though du Jour

If this is what winning is then yes, I'm tired of it.

I Am Starting to Think...

...maybe I don't understand what the words "make", "America", "great", or "again" mean.

Lovely Jubbly du Jour!

A visit to the scene of what may be the greatest tv scene of all time.

"When a North Korean came to live in London, he thought that Battersea dog's home was a takeway."

Making Lemonade

It won't be too long until I'll have typed so much about Trump I'll no longer have fingerprints and will be able to commit the perfect crime.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

6:8 has to be the closest ratio of living Presidents to sitting Supreme Court justices in recent memory, no?

Week 2. I'm Already Exhausted.

I'm not a betting man, but I'm guessing Trump's gonna be the first sitting US President to say, on camera, "nah-nah-nah boo-boo, stick your head in doo doo!"

The Trump Diaries

Dear Diary,

If I keep signing, Steve says I can have that train set in the gift shop. Nice!

Til tomorrow,
You. Or me....me? You? Note: ask Steve.

Eric, or Donald Jr?

Ooooooh the suspense is killing me!!!

Truth du Jour

Morning Ride

Uber driver just asked how's my morning been. Dude, it's 6:05am - you've been there for all of it so far!!!!

Well...

...Trump did say he'd bring people together.

Let's Be Honest

If we find out that after he was elected he invested heavily in poster board & sharpie companies, then we will hafta admit Trump's a genius.

Sigh.

Yes sweetheart, we'll put that one up on the fridge too.

Questions. I Have Them.

Do pro-life people refuse to eat eggs?

Yeah But...

...wtf does he know? What a loser. Sad!

WTF du Jour

Woman who pretty much got Emmett Till killed may have been lying:

Lastly, every single historical account of Emmett Till’s life and death needs to be revised. As of this writing, virtually every online record of his death, from his Wikipedia page on down, includes exhaustive lies about what people claimed he said and did to this woman. At this moment, Wikipedia, for instance, contains several paragraphs about the accusations of what he did. They came almost exclusively from Bryant and her family. While many of his own friends have long since said those things were not true, now that Carolyn Bryant herself has said they weren’t true, it is essential that this nation does the hard work of correcting every single account to remove this lie from being a part of his history.

But hey, whaddya gonna do? #whitepeoplesuck

Just So We're Clear...

...I'm pro life, unless you're a Muslim or need health insurance.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Trump's announcement today to ban Muslims from entering the country on the same day as the pro life march is a reminder that Republicans only care about your life until you're born.

Who's a Big Boy? WHO'S a Big Boy?????

BBC Thought du Jour

Rik Mayall's scenes in Blackadder should be enshrined in museums.

The World According to Trump

Without evidence, Trump tells lawmakers 3 million to 5 million illegal ballots cost him the popular vote.

Of course. We couldn't get the Olsen twins to do the Full House reboot, but we convinced 3-5 million people to commit voter fraud. Sure, why not.

Trump! The Movie.

Scene 4, Act III

(Sound of phone ringing)
(Black screen) “Hello, this is Trump Border Walls, Inc…uh huh…uh huh…just the one wall? Greeeaaaaaaaaat…uh huh...uh huh…”

Instant Classic du Jour

RIP Mary Tyler Moore

Dammit. This one hurts. A true pioneer for women and for television. Starred in not one but two all-time classics. And a Mrs. Xmastime to boot. This sucks.

Day 1

"Yes, yes of course. The Pensky file. Ho ho, can't wait to sink my teeth into that. Wow that Pensky. Well, we'll straighten him out."

Things Getting Testy at Trump's First Meeting in Situation Room.

Obama Question

Too soon to bring back Charles Barkley's "great, one more black man unemployed" line?

Disappointed du Jour

Almost 4 hours, and Obama hasn't announced "and oh by the way, I'm from Kenya."

30 Years Ago Today

Husker Du's final album came out. It's not my favorite Husker record, but it did have some great shit on it. Also - the best liner notes of any album ever:

Sometimes you feel real old, older than you are. Check the aches and pains, the hairline, the demands of life. Responsibilties, responsibilities. Worse things have happened to all of us; the circus wasn't as good as you though it would be, the movie stunk, etc., etc....

Punching the clock, punching the wall, hating your boss. You can't go if you don't know, and you can't know if you don't go. and everybody in the world has their own song in their heads. The best songs ever. Problem is figuring a way to get them out and present them to others.

You've got to know where the brakes are. Enjoy life at a realistic pace. You crazy youngsters, what with your nightlife and everything. And it's important to trust other people, while putting stock in yourself as well. Reevaluating your priorities, checking yourself daily.

Not everyone is a victim of circumstance; conversely, nobody should feel like a martyr all the time. Problem? It's hard enough to communicate these days; some of us don't even get the chance. Some others don't know they have a chance.

When you travel frequently, you find a lot of images. And sometimes, you have to try and make the best of a bad situation: more often than not, we grin and bear it. Other times, you learn to enjoy some small facet of your predicament. Nothing too elaborate, just an attempt to adjust priorities. Revolution starts at home, preferably in the bathroom mirror.

Example? Winter always comes too soon. This year was the worst I can remember, except when I was five years old. Pushed open the front door, got lost in the snow.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I don't think I'll ever consider myself to be a real man until I say to someone "no no stay, I'll just throw a coupla t-bones on the grill, no problem."

Or, as Paul Ryan would call it, "a good start!"

"This better fucking get to Santa this year."

Thoughts. I Have Them.

A Democratic president hasn't died since 1973.

Lovely Jubbley!

Only Fools and Horses documentary in the works!

Oh, Hypocrisy

The bullshit of the GOP being "the party of family values":

This much I know — the Republican Party, from this point forward, can never again claim that it values integrity, or decency, or morality. They had it for the past eight years and couldn't find it in their hearts to acknowledge it and then chose who may very well be the most immoral presidential candidate in the history of candidates as their next president.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Whatever your political leanings, watching Trump place his right hand on The Art of the Deal and reciting the Oath of Office will be a big moment.

Taunting?

Moi on Apollo 13 ici:

I understand that 13 comes after 12, so that's just what the next number was. And I understand that of all people, engineers are not a superstitious bunch. But actually launching the thing at 13:13 and having it enter the moon's gravitational pull on the 13th was kinda asking for it, no?

#uberthought du jour

Whenever a lady asks a gentleman about the quality of his previous sexual performance, either when merely flirting or just before actually doing the deed itself, the correct response from said gentleman is to lay on as smug a look possible while saying "oh, I've never gotten any complaints." Just once I'd like to hear about some dude who replied with "you know, there have been some complaints..."

Well...

...Trump did say he'd make America great again...

Fun Activity

Watch old videos of  Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect & see how quickly you can discern whether the episode took place before or after 9/11.

Hints:

Subject matter before 9/11:
Viagra
Napster
Clinton's dick
Gary Condit

Subject matter after 9/11:
9/11

Thought du Jour

I bet the guy who's been auditing Trump's taxes this whole time is really feeling the heat.

HA!

Yeah right, Giant - good luck with anyone keeping their mitts off these culinary delights!!!!

Finally.

Obama waits until his final week to set the hounds loose on white people. Excellent.

Uncle Joe

A Presidential Medal of Freedom from Obama is nice, but The Onion should also give Joe Biden an award for having been a goldmine for them for years.

Paul Ryan

That moment you realize you're one step closer to taking away millions of people's healthcare so that billionaires can get a tax cut. #dabbing #ooooooohyeah

This Cracked My Shit Up

In His Defense...

...this is a pretty savvy move coming from someone famous for not being dumb enough to pay taxes.

Paging Netflix

I can't be the only one who thinks a Netflix miniseries about Robert Johnson would be fantastic.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

For someone who's led his life, Iggy Pop has curiously good teeth.

BREAKING ENWS

There's a guy out there getting laid less than me.

Finally

Those angry white voters sick of east coast billionaire elitists running D.C. have been heard load and clear. #suckers

Questions. I Have Them.

Have there ever been more physically in-shape presidents back to back than Bush/Obama?

Only Fools du Jour, II

Del Boy: [trying to impress] I say, how do you spell 'Arrods?
Woman: Capital A.
Del Boy: Yes, capital... oh. Oh, right. Yes. Beam me up, Snotty!

Only Fools du Jour

From Friday the 14th, one of my favorite episodes that got a "10." :)

"And they voted for us anyway!!!!"

WTF, Indeed

Having met Springsteen, I find it perfectly within my own jurisdiction to ask "oh my god, how the fuck short is Marc Maron??!?!!?"

Yes This is the Greatest Thing You'll See Today

Story HERE.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

If I was president I'd make it a law that you can return any nacho chips that didn't have any toppings on them for a discount. 

Not My Proudest Email du Jour

But the day ain't over yet!

Now That's Dancing Like Nobody's Watching

My Goddaughter the Great Conductor

Thoughts. I Have Them.

The only good thing about being sick is the occasional explosive sneeze.

In America

Not My Proudest Moment

I'm embarrassed to say that yes, this is exactly how she looked in her profile pic.

Goddaughter News

Just told me her favorite thing to eat: lemonade.

Midnight, January 1

Well, hi!

Resolution Deja Vu

Guess I'll just roll these over to 2017:

2014 Resolutions:
1. Be more reckless with my health.
2. Watch more tv.
3. Don’t take no sh-t from nobody.
4. Loosen the hell up re: recycling.
5. Track down high school football coach, demand to know where my highlight reel for Div. I college recruiters went.
6. Fantasize more about sex with women who are way, way, way, way out of my league.
7. Leave vague, ominous messages on Facebook like “…gee, I dunno…” or ”…out on the ledge…”
8. Go to more high school parties.
9. Remind people that “nobody in (insert town) knows how to drive in the rain” more often.
10. Casually drop the phrase “deez nuts” during a meeting.
11. Spread my wings, see how high I can soar.
12. Get through the year without accidentally eating a raisin.
13. Finish my autobiography, “The Life & Times of Greg Wilson: Believe Me, It Coulda Been Worse.”
14. Talk more, listen less.
15. Find out once and for all what all these g@%!dam squirrels are up to.
16. Finally finish the last chapter of the last Sweet Valley High book. Seriously people, it’s time.
17. Quit being so goddam fearless; really question what the hell I'm doing at every step of the way until I've talked myself out of it.

Only Fools and Horses du Jour

FINALLY met a fellow fan!!#goddaughter

Open Letter

Dear 6 year-old girl:

While I appreciate your finding my hat, I'm not sure it warrants you calling yourself, and I quote, "amazing!"

Sincerely,
Me

Dying.

"You can't fire me I QUIT!!"

Truth du Jour

I'm somewhat suspicious of how well my bank is handling my money if they're still using old dot-matrix printers.

Questions. I Have Them.

Anything more satisfying than slipping out of the room unnoticed while a 5 year-old is in mid-blather?

Well.

This is a kid who knows how to enjoy the hell out of a Hallmark Channel holiday movie.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

It's days like this that I have time to wonder what the happened to Brendan Fraser.

Funny Because It's True du Jour

Big Brother

2017 is already great since I've discovered a guy started an Only Fools and Horses podcast a few months ago!!! I for one had no idea that when they extended the show to 50 minutes, pubs complained because people would stay home to watch the show instead of going out; apparently, it's British custom ever since to show episodes of OFAH whenever there's no soccer to watch.

Why not start with episode one, Big Brother. :)