Questions. I Have Them.

Does anyone know anyone who has ever seen anyone store eggs in that weird compartment that comes built-in with most refrigerators?  And why of all places would they put the compartment not only in the one part of the refrigerator that ever moves, but probably moves back and forth a few dozen times a day?  Doesn't it seem like a joke - the one food most symbolic with some sort of fragility (Humpty fucking Dumpty, indeed) is asked to be stored in the most dangerous place possible? I mean, wtf?

Finally!

Speaking of the ACC Glory Days, as many of you know I've been on a years-long search for Jeff Lamp on the internet, an online presence which curiously for a 2-time All-American doesn't seem to exist; so TA-DA!!  Found an article HERE!

Mac McDonald was hired as the play-by-play man for the Cavaliers before the 1980-81 season. The young broadcaster from the Midwest was immediately impressed by the senior guard and team captain.

“It was my first college job coming from Iowa, and I was just in awe of him,” McDonald said of Lamp. “He had a great personality. And nobody wanted the ball in the final minute more than Jeff.”

Ironically enough, posting today started with Ronald Reagan and is closing with Jeff Lamp and...Jeff Lamp's last game with UVa came on the day Reagan was shot.

Freaking out?  Mind blown?  I'll stand by respectfully waiting for you to collect your composure.

Side note: as for Lamp/Raker/Gates, has there ever been another instance of THREE high school teammates going on to take a team to the NCAA Final Four?  Three WHITE guys?!??!!?  And how ironic that all three plus Jeff Jones all came from Kentucky, where Ralph Sampson (who has been oddly under-rated), the ONE recruit Terry Holland actually got, almost went to? (To say nothing of the fact that Ralph's the reason Obama won!)

WTF?

Yesterday morning I woke up and found myself watching the Sportscentury episode on Dean Smith, and I got all weepy during the late 70s/80s period; "that's MY ACC!" I whined and moaned. There were even clips of Carolina playing my most beloved and hallowed of all squads, the 1981 UVa team that featured my all-time hero Jeff Lamp along with Lee Raker, Terry Gates, Othell and Ricky and of course Ralph Sampson. I got all misty, picturing myself eating popcorn balls on a Wednesday night as snow fell like crazy and Raycom Sports with Mike Patrick and Dan Bonner had the game coming at me live from U-Hall. Of course, who knows if it was actually like that but that's how I picture it. - XMASTIME

I've mentioned coming of age during the Golden Age of My Beloved ACC millions of times before, and the voice from those years was Mike Patrick (and Dan Bonner), who announced most of them.  Raycom Sports, Jefferson-Pilot, whichever.  When I think back to those great teams and historical players, I hear that voice, and so if I think about Mike Patrick now I assume well, they only roll him out during huge tournament games, or if for some reason the 1981 Cavaliers reunited to play Carolina in a rematch of the Final Four.  Every year I'm slightly shocked the first time I flip to a meaningless Wednesday night game in November, and there that voice is.  Unsettling.

Confessions. I Have Them.

I don't think I've ever had a patty melt.

If this makes you wonder if I'm even more of a sexy enigma than you did a minute ago, well, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you you're wrong.

To the People in Charge of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Special, re: Justin Bieber Singing The Little Drummer Boy.

Hey, I got no beef with the Biebs.  I don't know or care about his music, but he seems like a nice kid.  As in, A KID - an adult should've stepped in and pointed out that The Little Drummer is an incredibly sad, poignant song; NOT a "let's party!" jam to bounce up and down to, slapping high fives while a robot comes out blaring "Emergency! Emergency! Everyone must report to the dance floor! Take your party stations!”  I mean, for fuck's sake.  Grrr.

"So, what, this asshole's ain't got no mad $crillah for a gift? Wtf?"

Bad Decisions.

The Man vs. Food guy is in Iowa tonight where he'll be eating tater tots wrapped in bacon.  Hmm.  I dunno.  I love bacon, but the tater tot is already perfect - wouldn't the bacon take away from the beautiful crunch on yon tot?  I'd still like to see tater tots become a full layer on a pizza like cheese.  Meanwhile, I was just in the grocery store and saw that they are now making EXTRA CRISPY tater tots. What the fuck? How do you make tater tots crispier? And are you telling me that we can make crispier tater tots and grow seedless fruit, but we still can't crack this alternative fuels riddle? REEEEally?

And I feel like if it doesn't exist already, there should be some sort of Lego-type construction art using tater-tots. How fun would that be? "Hey look, I built the Taj Mahal."  CHOMP!

also: lasagna, but tater tots instead of the pasta noodles. yes? no? horny? maybe?   tots/hormel chili/cheese, repeat layers?  YOU'RE WELCOME!

McTitties & Bachmann, Meeting of the Minds

Like Franklin & Jefferson hanging out in Paris, n-est-pas?

Slice Harvester

In case you were worried you haven't wasted enough of your life not accomplishing anything, here's another reason to be depressed: THIS GUY has had a slice from every pizza joint in Manhattan while you've been watching Borat over and over.

Question:

What's the protocol when you ask for 1/2 pound of ziti at the deli and the guy weighs it out at .70 of a pound and simply hands it to you - do you order that he remove enough to come down to .50, or just take it?  Or do you assume the guy can't read numbers and is flying blind?

Reagan, VI

J'ACCUSE!!!!   How the hell did these people get Bruce to agree to their using Racing in the Street in this HBO doc?!??!!?!?  Wtf? George Will must be happily turning over in his grave.

Reagan, V

Ah, yes - the HBO doc just took 8 seconds to point out oh by the way, Reagan was incredibly horrible to those very people, the middle class/small town America,  that STILL champion him today. Hmm.

"I hope you're all Republican."

One of the best things about Reagan was how funny he was when he was shot (supposedly, anyway; I mean, it wasn't on YouTube, but I believe it anyway.)

Of course it was only a preamble to how funny our greatest president was after he got shot.

I Think I Can Honestly Say

That the only Talking Heads song I've ever really, really liked is And She Was.

Reagan, III

It quickly glosses over it on the HBO doc, but I don't think I'd ever realized how as GE spokesman Reagan was a pioneer in the "have voters vote against themselves" movement via persuading them to choose vague bromides about "patriotism" and "national defense" over their own interests.  I know his presidency invoked such a feeling, but I had no idea it's germination had come decades earlier.  GE being the king of defense spending at the time means this makes total sense.

Jesus and his Scrappy, Lovable Sidekick Baby Jesus Apoplectic at What Pussies These Deputies are; "I'm Sending Gen. Sherman Down There!!" Baby Jesus Howls

Reagan, II

The HBO doc on Reagan I mentioned earlier showing that Reagan spent WWII making propaganda films reminds us that for all our talk about giving a shit about a candidate's military record, when it comes to electing presidents we really don't give a shit; in fact, we have gone the OPPOSITE way for over half a century now.

Dutch (Not the Movie)

Today seems to be Ronald Reagan day.  I landed on TCM and there he was in some old flick, and I couldn't help but think "say what you might about Reagan, but he was a good looking dude."  And now I find myself watching some doc about him on HBO.
 
While I'm fine with the "savior of America and fetish hero of small town Americana clamoring for the 1950s" theme, what else would you expect?, I would've suggested NOT having the grotesque Grover Nordquist hog the first few minutes along with the equally grotesque Michael Reagan (trying to squeeze out a few tears from his sister's death on some tour bus.)

YES, Newt is a Tub of Lard

Some guy over at Salon is wondering why nobody is pointing out that Newt Gingrich is a big fat fuck like they did re:  Rex Ryan  Chris Christie.

Yes, you are correct in pointing out that Xmastime has in fact compared Newt to the fat ass kid in A League of Their Own, both HERE and HERE.

9:08 -   wouldn't it be great if someone asked Newt Gingrich "how great WERE you in A League of Their Own?"?

DARK HORSE UPDATE

Although weeks later he'd turn 21, George Harrison was in fact only 20 when the Beatles first appeared on Ed Sullivan.

Ringo was 23
John was 23
Paul was 21
George was 20

The Entire First Appearance

"What do you call that hairstyle?" "Arthur."

Ten years ago today, George Harrison died.

Just last week I was marveling at how he perfectly played the solo on All My Loving in The Beatles' first appearance on Ed Sullivan in front of 73 million people...AS A 21 YEAR-OLD!



And of course, don't sleep on what Prince laid down at the one-year anniversary of George's death with what has to be the greatest guitar solo of all time during another superslice of superslice, George's While My Guitar Gently Weeps.

Self-Loathing du Jour, II

Today I was sitting at the GW Bridge waiting for the bus and some old motherfucker dragged his old bones from one side of the bench to the other in front of me, then did so again about two minutes later.  After a third time I didn't bother hiding my aggravation, exhaling loudly while rolling my eyes uncrossing my legs with a stomp.  As I'm doing this I'm like "oh for fuck's sake, asshole; for all you know this dude served in the war, put three kids through college and taught goddam high school for 45 years while serving as church deacon.  You're patting yourself on the back because you recently figured out how long it takes to cook a hard-boiled egg."

Sigh.  Me: I'm really happening, aren't I?

I Don't Know Why...

....we're supposed to be so impressed with some astronaut playing baseball against himself - when he can beat an entire team all by himself like Bugs Bunny did, I'll be impressed.  Camon, people.  It's called "perspective."

Found One!

15,030 Posts

...and still Xmastime has no Wikioedia page.  You people are really fucking something, aren't you?   Pleased as punch with yourselves, are you?  I don't know how you all sleep at night.  I really don't.

Self-Loathing du Jour

One of the bigger ways in which I'm a fucking douchebag is whenever I'm walking from the L train to the A train there's a guy passing out AM New York newspapers and I always make sure I say "thank you" each time I grab one, then pat myself on the back for being SO amazingly polite to some guy handing out free tabloids.  I mean, who the fuck do I think I am?  Do I really think this guy's going back to his other tabloid-handing-out colleagues singing the praises about a guy at Union Square who is SO nice to him?  Wtf - is this guy sitting around the campfire singing country-western songs about my largesse?

Ugh.  God forbid I actually become someone or something in this life; my insufferability will be off the fucking charts.  And I don't even think "insufferability" is a real word, that's how bad it'll be.

"Xmastime Likes This"

As you already know I loves me some Neil deGrasse Tyson, so i was thrilled to see him being interviewed by Stephen Colbert (NOT in his "character.")

Almost 90 minutes! We need more thoughtful, intelligent, extended interviews like this one, such as the classic Craig Ferguson/Stephen Fry one a while back.  Unless it's The Charlie Rose Show every tv interview is some 4-minute hyper-rushed vomit of talking points/selling something.

Too many great lines to choose from, everything he says is great, but one money shot: ""It's simple, and yet it accounts for hugely complex things."

Also, his Titanic/James Cameron rant is an all-time classic.  Awesome.

ANNOUNCEMENT.

Today I am officially placing a moratorium on the phrase "go big or go home."  I suggest you shut the fuck up and yes, go the fuck home.  Ugh.

Some other Xmastime moratoriums HERE.

And HERE.  And this one:

1) I’m declaring a moratorium on the term “Best. (insert word here). Ever”; eg “Best. Tuna. Ever.” We get it, you liked the tuna. Wonderful. You don’t have to make THE final, definitive word on tuna. You don’t have to make it more dramatic by using. Periods. While. Talking. Slowly. So. I. Get. Your. Fucking. Point. Tuna. Good. Got it!

Maybe I should declare a moratorium on my declaring moratoriums.  Hmm.

Thoughts, Barely, By Xmastime

I just ate a Chef's Salad, and noticed there was half a boiled egg in it.  Is this normal? Half?  Now I can't stop thinking well, who got the other half? Odds are it's just a nobody like me, but what if right now, say, Blake Lively is eating the other half? Or anyone else who is my soul mate - what if one day 50 years from now my wife and I, while speaking of the dark days that were those before we found each other, each relate a story about eating a Chef's Salad on 11/29/11 and through an almost insane level of research discover ohmygod it WAS the same egg?

Sigh.  me. I'm really happening, aren't I?

"Wow, that's turning me on...well, the part about you actually eating a salad."

FINALLY, Things Are Going Well For White People!

What a great week for white people!  First, studies are coming out with data showing that white people may be more intelligent than black people, and now a coupla already-superwealthy money managers in Connecticut have won the biggest state lottery in Connecticut history, (ohmygod - can you even IMAGINE how many jobs these noble jobs-creating patriots will create now?!?!?!  Anyone else woulda just spent the million$ on lottery tickets!!!) and the 12th biggest in US history.  YES!!!  Between these new  and black people being scared of dogs and unable to swim, I'd say we can finally dial back the "White Oppression" panic, n'est-pas?

UPDATE: It's even BETTER - now the Arizona Gun Club is ratcheting things up in Obama's War on Christmas by encouraging kids to get their pictures taken with Santa while holding machine guns!  Did you get that - not just guns, but machine guns!!  And just in case you're worried Skippy won't know what to do with his AR15 if he catches Obama's skinny ass shimmying down the chimney to steal the Christmas Tree, they offer practice with the machine guns as well.

Shew.  We're back!!!!

I Don't Wanna Be an Asshole, But I See this Photo Selection as Somewhat Insensitive

Crosswalk Buttons

Whats up with those buttons at intersections, that basically say “push button to stop traffic”? Seems like we’re trying to play God here, no? I don’t know anyone who knows anyone whose ever seen or heard of anyone pushing this thing. I need to show 4 forms of i.d. and a color copy of my DNA helix to get a membership at the video store, yet the city somehow trusts me with handling traffic? Really? Maybe I can hit JFK and land some planes too? - XMASTIME

Turns out they are what I suspected: bullshit.

Crosswalk buttons are the same deal, at least at timed traffic lights like the ones in busy downtown areas. The light was going to change every two minutes anyway, and you pushing the button doesn't hurry it along any faster, although it does stop you from spazzing out about how long it's going to take. "I've given the order," you think. "Things are being seen to as we speak."

Things That Have Gone Missing from My Bedroom This Week:

1) iPhone earphones
2) deodorant
3) pants

Wtf?

And no, "my flower" is not on the list  :(

Herman Cain Blows Chance of GOP Nomination By Missing Opportunity to Double Down on Stupidity; Jesus Tries to Distract a Completely Distraught Baby Jesus Into a Blind Rage Over Free School Lunches for Special Needs Kids, To No Avail

WTF!?!?!?!!?

My KRISTEN STEWART FIXATION is so off the charts that I just caught myself watching Twilight for six minutes.  Lord help me.

Sam Brownbeck is a Fucking Douchebag (Duh)

UPDATE, 4:36PM: Brownbeck has apologized, correctly feels like a douche.

The high school kid who tweeted something less than flattering about Gov. Brownback, causing him to spring into action and look like the most petty babydick ever, has said "fuck you" to giving him an apology.  Good for her.  I wanna give Brownbeck the benefit of the doubt and assume it was some staffer who cried to her school and he is now appropriately embarrassed; most of all yes, you ARE correct to think hey, this reminds me of when Xmastime wrote about making spaghetti with a tennis racket.

I'm Back, Motherscratchers

Burp.

Blac' n Cheese

Pat Robertson has apparently stepped in it by asking if macaroni & cheese for Thanksgiving Dinner is a black thing. This is a shame since this the first thing this jagoff has ever gotten right; yes, it IS a black thing!!!

Things I'm Thankful For, VI

The Royal Wedding (scroll down to April 29 posts.)

During his reading, the bride's brother mentions his album drops next Tuesday on iTunes?

Things I'm Thankful For, V

Marley showering me with heaping armfuls of praise:

"Actually, I admit that you're intelligible, owing mostly to me"

Why Is Newt "The Smart One"?

He has somehow fooled people even dumber than himself into thinking he's "the smart one" because he goes around saying he's smart while stamping his feet and shouting.  Yes, he's smart enough to know that stupid people will fall for his   book tour  presidential campaign, but being the classiest cast member of The Jersey Shore doesn't make you Jackie O. - XMASTIME

Sully nails it:

His "I'm smart" schtick appears to be appealing to the same demographic that wants to read Glenn Beck on George Washington and Bill O'Reilly on Lincoln.

It Was 27 Years Ago Today

Flutie to Phelan

OFFICE CRUSH ALERT, CODE BLUE, I REPEAT, CODE BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!

Office Turtle Crush's desk is gone. Wtf?  WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

Annual Oxford Thanksgiving Post

Via:

Another highlight from Oxford was Thanksgiving 1995. Ryan and I decided we were gonna stay in Oxford and make our own big Thanksgiving dinner. No, we’re not gay. Anyways we go to Kroger that morning to get everything, and as we’re about to check out I decide I should grab a case of beer. Since you couldn’t buy beer cold in Oxford, you kinda had to plan ahead. So I come strolling up with a case and Ryan FLIPS out, yelling at me for wanting to get shit-faced for Thanksgiving Dinner. No, we’re not gay. I try to explain to him I wasn’t gonna pound it when we got home and piss all over the Pilgrims, I was just gonna have it in the fridge for later on. Doesn’t matter, he’s furious, BOOM!! We don’t say one single word to each other after that. We go through the machinations of making a huge Thanksgiving Dinner, sit down and eat it…all while aggressively not speaking to each other. No, we’re not gay. And, even better, we filmed the whole fucking thing for some reason. It’s all on videotape. You see us silently making this huge dinner, silently eating it. Our silence does not end then; it goes on for 2 solid weeks. For two weeks we pass by each other wordlessly, live next to each other in total silence. The type of simmering rage you can only have for your best friend, I suppose. No, we’re not gay. Finally at the end of two weeks I’m sitting on the couch in the living room and he strolls in to the kitchen and grabs a box of cookies. I’m not paying attention, but because of my 14-day seething rage I can tell he’s looking in the box and strapping on his “I’m fucking incredulous!!” face. Then he does the ol’ look into the box-look up at me – look back into the box – look up at me routine.

“What?” (heeey…I broke the silence!! hooray!!)
“You ate my fucking cookies!!!!”
“What?”
“You ate all my fucking cookies you fucking shit!!!” (box thrown on the floor)
‘What the – shut the fuck up, I didn’t eat you precious fucking cookies!”
“You ate my fucking cookies!!”
“I did not eat your fucking cookies fuck you!!!!”
“You fucking shit!”
“Yeah, I got your cookies, ate them all, closed the EMPTY box up, carefully put them back on the shelf and chuckled ‘ooooh, he’ll never suspect a thing!!!!’!! fucking dumbass!!!”

This went on, screaming for 2 more minutes. Finally I stormed off to my room with a big “fuck you!!” and slammed my door. After about a 10 second pause I opened the door, saw him standing in the living room and shouted “You know what? Yeah, I ate your fucking cookies! And guess what – they were fucking AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” slam!!!

This of course was so ridiculous that within minutes we were on the floor laughing at our our ridiculousness. Rolling on the floor, entwined with each other in our youthfulness, young skin on young skin as we suckled each other’s neck. Okay, that was gay.

It’s been almost 11 years and Ryan, and I can confess…I have no idea what happened to your fucking cookies.

Things I'm Thankful For, IV

Last year's Thanksgiving Dinner, during which I thought I was gonna be gettin' up in some French guts.  Dang.  Les guts, whiffed.

GOP "DEBATE"

I don't wanna be dick but Africa is not a country.

Mitty

So Romney knowingly put a quote in his ad accredited to Obama that was actually from John McCain.  In the real world, such a thing would be subject to a lawsuit; in the gamesmanship of politics not only is it perfectly acceptable, but any questioning of it will surely be seen as an assault on "real America! by the Lamestream Media," forcing Republicans into doing the unthinkable: using their usual doubling down on refuting facts and reason so as to defend that most Obamaesque among them, Mitt Romney.  GOP brains must truly be spraining right now.

Are we really this much closer to a Pro-Tools crafted ad wherein a political candidate "quotes" his opponent in an ad "Hi, I'm ______, I sure do like fucking little kids, and hope to start with yours when I'm elected!"?

Things I'm Grateful for This Year, III

Dr. Sheldon Cooper
"Engineering. Where the noble semiskilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science."

Things I'm Grateful for This Year, II

Kdawggy's MVP-winning Super Bowl XLV performance.

AND, of course, Lil' Vader's Super Bowl commercial, still the best thing that happened all year.

Thoughts, Barely, by Xmastime

I don't get it when people say "well, at least he died doing what he loves best." What?  How 'bout let me finishing what I love doing so much, THEN die?  If I'm banging twins on top of the Pizza Hut buffet just as they're bringing the meat lovers out, do you really think I'm gonna go "gee, if only I could die right now?" or "ohmygodIhopethisneverfuckingends!!!!"?  Come the fuck on.  If I hafta die, I'd want it to be right before the thing I most HATE doing, so I can get out of doing it.  I think only an asshole would be happy you died while trying to do what you loved, I'd think you'd be better off with them saying "yeah, as soon as he started getting raped by those dudes in bear suits he dropped dead." People are whack.

Goals. I Have Them.

The only way anyone will remember me after I'm gone is if I'm clever enough to die during the holidays.  One of the days around Thanksgiving would be great; obviously the Holy Grail would be Christmas Eve, but I don't wanna jinx it by saying it out loud. (fingers crossed!)

Benevolent

To me is a word that sounds the exact opposite of what it actually means.

"Tim Whatley was one of my students. And if this wasn't my son's wedding day, I'd knock you teeth out you anti-dentite bastard."

Much has been made of Natalie Wood's death being reopened by the fuzz 30 years later; THIS POST remembers Larry David and Seinfeld casting their doubts on it being an "accident."  Ha!

11/22

Most people think of November 22 as being the day JFK got killed (tough doo-doo, CS Lewis!), but to me an even bigger tragedy is that eight years ago today I had a 10pm reservation at Peter Luger's and at 3 o'clock that afternoon decided "I should prolly drink an entire bottle of Old Crow right now."

Sigh.  A wasted trip to Luger's. Keeps things in perspective, don't it? 

The Best Roster Ever?

During a postgame interview with following that Super Bowl, CBS television announcer Tom Brookshier noted Thomas' speed and asked him, rhetorically, "Are you that fast?"

Thomas' response: "Evidently." - Duane Thomas following the Cowboys shellacking Miami 24-3 in the Super Bowl

You wouldn't necessarily be wrong to argue that the 1987 Essex Trojans, who greedily gobbled up three wins that year while fielding a TE/DE that would go on to have sex with a girl in a Dairy Queen bathroom, had the best roster in the history of football, but THIS GUY HERE says it was the 1971 Dallas Cowboys.  I guess we'll hafta agree to disagree on this one.  I just wish the two teams could line up on the field and go at it to finally decide this riddle once and for all. Ah well.

 The Cowboys that year featured nine eventual Hall of Fame players, with Landry and team president/general manager Tex Schramm also winding up in Canton. When you add in longtime Cowboys assistant coach Ernie Stautner, who made the Hall as a standout defensive linemen for the Steelers in the 1950s and early '60s, an even dozen members of the organization that year have been enshrined.

Erma Bombeck Quote du Jour

"Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."

Something I'm Thankful for, I

The Unintentional Comedy of Kids

Big Bear holds up three popsicle sticks to Cherry Bomb.

"How many popsicle sticks am I holding?"
"Ummm...2?"
"No"

"1?"

"No."

"1?"

"No."

"1?"

"No."

"1?"

"No."

"1?"

"No."

"1?"

"No."

Long pause.  "She's figured it out," I think.

"1?"

"No."

Saul Bass

via Sully here's a beautiful collection of some of Saul Bass' movie openings.  He also designed many of the logos you've seen a thousand times.  Cool cat.  And surely the inspiration for the Catch Me If You Can title sequence?


The Title Design of Saul Bass from Ian Albinson on Vimeo.

Best Run

Over three years ago I wrote HERE re: the baffling shittiness of movies Chris Rock has chosen to be in; today GodIHateYourComediyFilms and I agreed that Rock's movie resumé is still awful.  Now I turn to the Awl and see the question which comedian had the greatest 5-year run of comedy films of all time?  Personally, it's tough for me to not have Wilder/Candy in the Top 2, although I feel like we're forgetting someone big.  Will turn brain on to think who it might be.

Xmastime TV Recommendation Tonite

PBS joint on Erma Bombeck  :)

Lisa Sounds Like a Nice Girl

What's the Most Appropriate Way to Tell a Woman....

... that the size of her titties in proportion to the rest of her body is outstanding?

Oh, For Fuck's Sake

I've long bitched re: we gotta get the Apollo 11 astronauts in a room together before they die and just record them talking about it.  Turns out they were in a room together a few days ago to accept the Congressional Gold Medal, whatever the fuck that is.  But of course they were overshadowed by John Boehner showing up and blubbering like a baby, pretending to give two shits about a program whose federal funding he'd eliminate the second he had a chance, so.  Awesome.

Something I Learned Today

There is a special calculus which dictates that magic window of being buzzed wherein a grown man not only happily lets a three year-old girl paint his fingernails but also holds her Barbie dolls, of whom he remembers all their names.

Guess Who's Coming to Thanksgiving Dinner?

Post HERE about a black woman's first Thanksgiving dinner with white people. Hysterical.

Other than when I was teaching and once asked my students what they'd had for Thanksgiving dinner and was astounded as each and every one included Kraft Macaroni & Cheese on their list, my only time having any connection with a black person for Thanksgiving dinner was a few years ago when a friend brought a guy she'd just started dating who was black.  After the meal we're all sitting around bullshitting, and I noticed he was sitting by himself.  Being the single greatest diplomat ever of race relations (DON'T start that "Xmastime you're a hero" shit, not now, this isn't about me) I walked over to join him, and saw that he was staring at the tv.  I glanced at the tv and was mortified - "ohmygod" I thought, "this guy is gonna think that all white people sit around and watch Bruce Springsteen concerts for Thanksgiving!!"

This Is a Real Mystery. (Scratching Head.)

Republicans have been screaming for years that if only Obama would lower the corporate tax rate, capitalism could be unleashed and then an orgy of creating new jobs would begin.  Meanwhile, Bank of America and Citigroup are among a number of banks that are getting rid of up to 75,000 jobs in the next few weeks.  Which is strange, because, among others, Bank and America and Citigroup paid a total of $0.00 in taxes combined.  Either Obama needs to figure out how to bend over backwards and do more for these companies, or the whole Republican mantra has been a load of hogwash.  But surely that seems impossible, so.  Maybe Obama can GIVE these banks money? Oh wait, he did.

I'm not the president. Obama's gotta fix this shit. He's letting our noble job creators down.  I for one don't wanna be there when Jesus and his scrappy, lovable sidekick Baby Jesus hears about this shit.

Brother Outsider

I mentioned a biopic I wanna see is Henry Cavendish, and now I see Alyssa over at Thinkprogress has an entire list of biopics she wants to see, which includes Bayard Rustin.  I'd suggest they start with footage of his high school football films which, for some reason, unlike footage my own gridiron heroics, existed.

I Would Hate To Be The Guy In the Office...

...who just lost the McDonald's account.

McDonald's isn't loving the farm that sells the eggs used in its breakfast sandwiches.  The fast food giant is breaking ties with Sparboe Farms, which is currently under fire for alleged animal cruelty. Sparboe is the fight-largest egg producer in the U.S. and the target of an ABC News investigation.

On the bright side, Sparboe can console itself on being the "fight-largest" egg producer in the US.  Some red-headed asshole clown can't take that away from you, guys.  Hey, remember when I got hit on by a guy from McDonald's? STILL sexy!!

Biopic I Wanna See Made.

Henry Cavendish.

Apparently one of England's richest and most eccentric peeps of the 18th century, he came up with amazing scientific discoveries but was such a weirdo he never told anyone about them, allowing them to be discovered by others later on.  Let us Wiki (bow your heads please):

Because of his asocial and secretive behaviour, Cavendish often avoided publishing his work, and much of his findings were not even told to his fellow scientists. In the late nineteenth century, long after his death, James Clerk Maxwell looked through Cavendish's papers and found things for which others had been given credit. Examples of what was included in Cavendish's discoveries or anticipations were Richter's Law of Reciprocal Proportions, Ohm's Law, Dalton's Law of Partial Pressures, principles of electrical conductivity (including Coulomb's Law), and Charles's Law of Gases.

AND, among other things, he calculated the density of the Earth. (Prognosis: fat.) From HERE, we see how the world mighta changed had this weirdo spoken up:

Now, imagine if England had figured out electricity decades before they actually did. With findings like Ohm's Law moved from 1827 to 1781, a vast thermodynamic and electrical knowledge suddenly at the scientific community's disposal and the public mind set in the "industrialize everything" mode that was the spirit of the era, the progress of technology would have been rapidly put to use. Gaslights could have become electrical ones within years, and the steam engine would've gone the way of the dodo. Great Britain might've entered the Victorian era fully lit, amped up and more powerful than ever, at no bigger price than the ruined dreams of potential future steampunk enthusiasts.

But apparently he broke the record for crazy, so.  Fascinating cat. Let's get this bio done!!!!! Robert Downey Jr. can't pull off this role?

Air Jordan 1.0

Nice to see an article on David Thompson, whom, as I wrote here a while back, was curiously absent from my ACC-centric youth.

Xmastime Fail

Earlier today:

I haven't had a great run diet-wise (broke even last week, don't love what I've been doing this week), so I am considering doing the unthinkable:

Only having one slice of free office pizza today.

Not only did I get the usual two slices, I "accidentally" got half the cheese off an adjoining slice. 

Fucking hell.

Do I Have What It Takes To Be a Hero?

I haven't had a great run diet-wise (broke even last week, don't love what I've been doing this week), so I am considering doing the unthinkable:

Only having one slice of free office pizza today.  :/

It Appears I've Misunderstood re: Protestors "Pitching Tents" at Zuccotti; Perhaps It's Time I Finally Paid a Visit to These Youthful Patriots...

Devil's Advocate

Now McQueary says he did go to the police after the locker room incident; police are saying no such thing happened.

Based on the fact that everybody at every level seem to have played a part in covering this thing up for years and the stranglehold the culture of Joe Pa had over everyone and everything, isn't it possible that McQueary DID go to the police, who after he left decided there's no way in hell they were taking on Joe Pa, Inc. based on some grad assistant, and the report "disappeared"?  Perhaps especially since one might not have been generated anyway:

"Sometimes a tip is given to a sex crimes detective, notes are taken, the witness account is investigated but a report isn't generated, especially if it is determined that no crime occurred," Hostin told CNN. "Since we don't know the circumstances surrounding McQueary's alleged conversations with police, it is impossible to determine what happened. We also don't know what the protocol is at the campus police department and the city police department."

I'm not saying it's likely, but based on what we know so far it certainly seems POSSIBLE.

I think McQueary needs to hire THIS GUY.

Hmm. Interesting. CURIOUS, Even.

Office Turtle Crush went out of her way to make sure I knew the new office security code to get in.  Dang baby, relax.  I'm here.

Happy Fast Food Burger

In celebration of National Fast Food Day, A Hamburger Today asked what everyone's favorite fast food burger is, which I mentioned a coupla years ago HERE:

The funny about fast food burgers is a lot of times these days they're overshadowed by the other stuff on the menu - chicken sandwiches, chicken mcnuggets, fries, tater tots, curly fries, fried curly tots, fried curly tots with cheese, fried curly tots with cheese battered with chicken mcnuggets while some fucking retarded asshole insists on spending 10 minutes mopping under your table ("excuse me...excuse me...move your feet please...excuse me...") even though there's not another human being sitting and eating in the entire place, chili, jalepeno poppers, etc etc. In general, McDonald's burgers are rarely satisfying. The Double Whopper at BK used to be my slice until they started charging $19 for it (how much ARE they paying that creepy King dude on tv??) Right now, there is no comparison - Wendy's burger is by far the best (I get the double: the single is for little girls, and the triple is the one I actually get but to make myself look better to you I just lied and said double...that's what I've become; I actually think that sticking to the double would be admirable/sexy. Christ.  Hardee's is fine, but you're better off getting the chicken anyway. I'll tell you what used to be a good burger, was Dairy Queen's Ultimate Burger. Was my thing in college, heh heh heh. Along with, hard as it is to believe, fucking girls. Which, just like the Ultimate Burger, does not seem to have existed since.

Enjoy further burger musings HERE.

Of course, my Proustian burger is Burger Chef.

McQueary

Like everyone else I've wrestled with the McQueary thing for the last two weeks; I've argued with several friends that while of course I'm horrified he didn't go after Sandusky with a 2x4 the moment he saw what he saw, I can try to put myself in his shoes and understand the world he was living in. As devil's advocate to all the tough guys who are trying to out-do each other re: how badly they would've beaten the shit out of Sandusky, it's nice to see a somewhat sympathetic article from Jane Leavy over at Grantland:

According to the indictment, you went home and told your dad, and then, the next morning, told JoePa — which, at Penn State, might just have been harder and riskier to do than telling the police....And now, the rage has turned on you. "Some want to string him up because he didn't do enough, and others want to string him up because he broke the code," said Richard Gartner, author of Betrayed as Boys, the definitive book on male survivors of childhood sexual abuse. "He at least tried to get the information to the authorities and pretty much right away, the next morning. It's sad, but not surprising that he is the focus of the rage. It's easier to demonize those we don't know much about, but harder to criticize those we idolize."

Nobody's patting McQueary on the back or sitting around the campfire singing songs about his bravery, but let's pump the brakes a bit and realize that when it comes to being the actual monsters in this case, McQueary is much closer to you and I than he is to Sandusky/Paterno/school president. Of course you say you'd do something differently if you walked in on what he did. What do you think McQueary would've said if questioned about such a scenario up to the moment he walked into that locker room that day?

Millionaires Hate Freedom and Creating Jobs; "LEMME AT THOSE PINKO COMMIES!!!" Jesus' Scrappy, Lovable Sidekick Baby Jesus Erupts into a Blind Rage While Being Held Back

Free Shit I Got Today Simply for Melting Faces with My Ax

Not bad.

I let my guitar do the work; here it is laying down a track while I'm in the men's room "doin' my thang" off some working girl's tittays.

As with deer urine, always leave your mark.

Who Says Prayers Don't Get Answered?

We're one step closer to pizza being declared a vegetable!! YES!  FUCK YOU, Jamie Oliver!!!!

Nancy Grace is About to Shit Herself with Outrage Over Hockey Destorying the Fabric of America; Is Rather Plump.

Herman Cain Finally Says Something That Even Remotely Has Anything To Do with Reality

Whaddya know, he CAN make sense every once in a while:

“The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is,” he explained. “Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables!  Cain then explained that a real man would dismiss any pizza contaminated with vegetables as “a sissy pizza.”

Hey, it's like that old saying, "even a broken clock is right twice a day, and Herman Cain is a fucking retard."

1: Cut a Hole in a Box

Mad Short

I can't wait for the next season of Mad Men, which I believe kicks off in 2035, but I found this tidbit from Matthew Weiner interesting:

When we were making the pilot, they were making Revolutionary Road at the same time. They were shooting in Grand Central Station. And they had every gray flannel suit that ever existed in New York City. I had to cast shorter, smaller extras because all the normal-size suits had been bought by the studio [making Revolutionary Road]. It's incredible. Look in the pilot and you'll see that Jon Hamm is a foot taller than everybody else."

State du Moi: Baffled.

She's pretty much the exact opposite of my "type," she's not hot anyway, and exudes exactly zero charisma onscreen...what is it about Kristen Stewart that I find so goddam intoxicating?

Politics 101. You're failing.

Instead of simply letting the protesters lose interest as the winter sets in or do something stupid like burn down a building, Mayor Bloomberg is doing them the biggest favor in the world by acting like an asshole.

Holy Crap

Slow-motion footage of Apollo 13.  Apollo 11 HERE.


Saturn V - Apollo 13 (AS-508) Camera E72 from Mark Gray on Vimeo.

I Love This Shit

Laura Arillaga is killing it. Awesome.

Speaking of Masterpeace Theatre...

...up until 4 seconds ago I thought it was DowntoWn Abbey, not Downton Abbey.  Hmm.  How bout that. Maybe it's the ol' first/last letter thing. Or I have a huge penis, either one.

"Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

Actually, I guess I belie my own point since in the end I did in fact have the word wrong. Hmm.

Me: I'm really happening, aren't I?

Douchebagzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I'm totally digging The School of Lunch at this moment, although for the life of me I can't figure out how the Alan Rickman character could have ever had a girlfriend in the first place, much less Mrs. Xmastime Emma Thompson. Ugh. Fucking douche.

Oh, Herm.

Everyone's giving Herman Cain shit for pulling a Rick Perry and freezing on a question and then bumbling around for five minutes.  I'd suggest this deer-in-the-headlights moment will hurt him less with Republican voters than his claiming he likes to look at all the facts and make informed decisions, which is obviously anathema to their "from the gut, kick ass w/o asking questions!!!" fetish.

Gee. Wherever Might I Find Some Frosting?

Sure There's Nothing Between the Ears, But I Still Love Her Anyway

Tommy Boy

I'm not sure what the rest of the list would include, but I'm 100% certain that Tommy Boy is on the Top 10  "Oddly Rewatchable Movies" list of all time.

Hmm.

Well. This seems incredible:

In mid September 2008 with the Dow Jones Industrial average still above ten thousand, Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke were holding closed door briefings with congressional leaders, and privately warning them that a global financial meltdown could occur within a few days. One of those attending was Alabama Representative Spencer Bachus, then the ranking Republican member on the House Financial Services Committee and now its chairman.

While Congressman Bachus was publicly trying to keep the economy from cratering, he was privately betting that it would, buying option funds that would go up in value if the market went down. He would make a variety of trades and profited at a time when most Americans were losing their shirts.

I'm sorry, I should've skipped right ahead to the "incredible" part:

Bachus, who was the ranking member of the Financial Services committee at the time (since the Democrats held the house) made about 200 trades as the financial crisis peaked, netting about $28,000.

Wait, what - $28k? That's it? You had that much influence behind the scenes and were eager to cash in on maybe the greatest insider trading moment of all time, and you managed to get the salary of a Wal-Mart night manager? Really? Hmm. MAYbe this isn't the person I really want to be a member of any committee that has "Financial" in it's title, n'est-pas?

Generation Sux

The other day Andrew Sullivan commented on his disdain for the Baby Boomers, and today we see this essay via Yglesias from Iraq veteran, Penn State graduate, and Second Mile alumnus on the failure of the American elite.  It's hard not to agree with everything he writes; the previous generation was bequeathed a nation of unprecedented prosperity and global admiration, and turned themselves into a collective of "I gots mines, eff you!" as if they'd somehow wrestled it from fascism themselves, all while never missing an opportunity to fail at any hard decision or moral dilemma they were faced with.  I'd say they're outdated, out of their depth and need to go, but of course as I've said before we continue to insist on demanding old, bitter motherfuckers with no real stake in the game sit around making the rules for us, be it Congressmen or Supreme Court Justices. So.


That's right, you Greatest Generation people arent off the hook with me either:

I’ve been noticing something recently. All my life, it’s always old people from “The Greatest Generation” that have hectored us young kids, pointing their wrinkled, bony fingers at us about no shortcuts!! Nothing is worth doing without hard work! Slow and steady, don’t cut corners!!

Yet every time I’m at a bodega, there’s 5 of these motherfuckers in line buying 10 lottery tickets each. Wtf?

In the Baby Boomer generation's defense, they're still better than my own generation at assassinations, hardcore racism and serial murderers, so a little respect, please.

Sit Boo-Boo, Sit

Tonight I walked into the award-winning Family Ties episode in which Alex is talking to the therapist; surely one of the all-time scenes in sitcom history. Him realizing the therapist went to Grant College and knocking him:

PSYCHIATRIST: What attitude?
ALEX: You know what attitude. I'm gonna sit here, I'm gonna do all the talking, I'm gonna pour my guts out, and you're just gonna sit back there silently and be God huh? Pretend you don't know anything. [looks at the diplomas] Wait a minute, you went to Grant College?
PSYCHIATRIST: That's right.
ALEX: Maybe you weren't pretending. Maybe you really don't know anything.
ALEX: You know what's bothering me? I mean really, really bothering me? Something I am having a very hard time getting past.
PSYCHIATRIST: What's that?
ALEX: I'm paying you for this! I'm paying you to sit there and listen to me. I'm paying a guy from Grant College to sit and listen to my life stories and give me advice Grant College -- the school that gives a course in opening umbrellas.
PSYCHIATRIST: [long pause] I got an A in that.

His faking sick to get outta school stuff, his wanting to stay home from the second grade to watch the John Deane hearings, his ability to name coins by sound as they hit the floor, his legend in the 2nd grade classroom:

GREG: I know who you are -- you're Alex Keaton, the kid who knows everything.
ALEX: Who told you that? Did Mrs. Leahy say that?
GREG: No, the other kids were saying it. They say it's great here all you have to do is just keep quiet, sooner or later Keaton rattles off the answer. How come you know so much?
ALEX: I take some night classes...Ohio State.

And then of course the biggest laugh, answering the question re: does he believe in God:

ALEX: The analytical side of me says no. On a straight cost-efficiency basis you can't prove it. There's no annual report. There's no pictures of the board of directors. I mean recent ones.

Of course mostly I'm thinking about all this because of the line:

ALEX: Strange thing about memory. Sometimes they can be more real than what we think of as reality.

Which is obviously straight from Proust; that line is the entire raison d'etre of Remembrance of Things Past,  of which I've personally felt the taste.

Here's the final 10 minutes of the episode (shown commercial free, if I recall.) Sigh. Now THAT was a great sitcom.

Relationship Virgin

Article HERE about a 38 year-old "relationship virgin."

Hey, I wonder what that's like?

Sigh.

Things That Have Happened Since I Last Had a Girlfriend

How Long HAS It Been Since I Had a Girlfriend?

So. This is Still Happening.

Et tu, Foodtown?

Brangelina Finally Realize Non-white Kids Suck, Sending the Little Shit Back

Ha!  That's what you get for making my list, asshole!

Funny Cause It's True, via The Onion

For Fucks Sake, There's Already Another GOP Debate????!!!???

Do these people understand they're supposed to be debating each other, not simply repeating how awful Obama is? Can the moderator at one of these things open up with "let's all assume that Obama being the devil and the single worst thing for freedom ever as a given, and move on from there"?

Happy Veteran's Day

Ten years ago today Flight 587 crashed in Belle Harbor.   One more reason to love veterans is that if the crash hadn't been on Veteran's Day I would've been walking to work at the exact time and on the very block of the crash.

That's right. We almost lost me, people.  The veterans saved my life.

Bad Romance

I'm not a Jeff Beck guy, but this is pretty amazing.

Pop-Pop Tittays

If the people over at Celebbuzz! are gonna have a "guess the tv celebrity cleavage" contest, they're gonna hafta make it more challenging than Gloria from Modern Family.  Christ, they dedicate entire scenes to those nice ttittays; they could be behind a brick wall and I'd still see them.

And yes, you're correct to say "but Xmastime, your guess the celebrity cameltoe contest was WAY better", but hey.  It is what it is.

More Xmastime musings on cleavage HERE.

Bill O'Lincoln

Apparently Bill O'Reilly has a book out about Lincoln, and people who know about Lincoln are asking it be put in the fantasy section and not the history section:

A reviewer for the official National Park Service bookstore at Ford’s Theatre has recommended that Bill O’Reilly’s bestselling new book about the Lincoln assassination not be sold at the historic site “because of the lack of documentation and the factual errors within the publication.”

On one hand this shit infuriates me - there are hundreds (if not thousands) of people who have dedicated their lives to studying the historical life of Abraham Lincoln; why on Earth someone would buy a book about Lincoln "written" by someone who gets paid a lot of money to go on tv and spout as much stupid shit as possible is beyond me.  On the other hand, if you're so fucking stupid you buy this book and think you're getting factual insight to Lincoln from someone who doesn't understand how the tides work, then I could give a shit if you're getting the facts straight.

Who the fuck is buying these books?

Effed Up, Dawg.

Thanks to our inane electoral college. You could get 22% of the popular vote and become president. Similar in my mind to the fact that New York and Alaska have the same number of senators. Canon.

That's Great and Everything, Although I Don't Know Why You Hafta Immediately Teach the Kid How to Jerk Off.

Joe Paterno: Was He Actually a Good Coach?

Two guys from my high school football team went to Penn State football camp the summer after my sophomore year.  They never mentioned any funny business going on with the coaching staff, but the staff also apparently didn't spend too much time teaching them anything about football, judging by our record of 1-19 over the next two seasons.  Fuck you, Joe Pa!!!!

State du Moi

My pants keep falling down (catnip much, ladies?) so I just thought "dammit, I need to cut another hole in my belt" before remembering "oh yeah, they sell belts."  Just like me with butter.

Hmm. Me. Enigmatic man of mystery, or mysterious man of enigma?  Either way, I'm the fucking bees knees.

Sully Bait

The presidency should be ascended to by somebody who has spent a slow, natural lifetime of both intellectual curiosity and life experience. A natural progression. Any jerkoff can memorize the exact right notes and pass some test - and I believe we've seen how things go when you have somebody "cram" to learn just enough shit to become president.

In other words, the presidency is not a fucking final exam you need to pass so you can go on fucking spring break. - XMASTIME

I'm glad Perry can go on Letterman and have a sense of humor about it, but his "oops" moment wasn't funny, for the same reasons as above.  At least he didn't try to write on his hand like you know who.

Happy Veteran's Day

11/11/11

Today being 11/11/11 seems to freaking people the fuck out.  Normally I'm a bit of a numerology guy, but as right now I'm too fucking lazy, I will simply refer you to the Arthurian Lit Numerology Paper Disaster of '94.

Joe Pa

Via Sully, we see this:

Initially accused in 1998. Retires in 1999. Never coaches college football again. Sandusky was very successful at what he did. The architect of Linebacker U. Helped win national championships in 1982 and 1986. Recognized as college football's top assistant in 1986 and 1999.

Never any stories about Sandusky being pursued for a high-profile job. Never any rumors about him coming out of retirement. But there's no shortage of stories and rumors about Penn State football sweeping problems under the rug, is there?

Why did college football let an accomplished coach like Sandusky walk away at 55? Why did he disappear into relative anonymity?

Which is exactly what I wonder about his fucking successor!!!!

A side note to the Penn State thing is that Tom Bradley, who will be taking over head coaching duties this Saturday, has been an assistant coach at PSU for 33 years.  I mean, wtf? 33 years? As an assistant? Never took flight to be a head coach somewhere else? Really? Either he's a really shitty coach, or there's some  REALLY incestuous, creepy way of life once inside the Joe Pa circle.  Very bizarre. Bill Guthridge-esque.

Bourdain

Earlier today I found myself wondering if Romania was my favorite episode of Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations; him rolling his eyes at the creepy cheesiness that goes on in, of all places, Vlad Tepes' castle, was hysterical.  But then I remembered there's nothing like watching him sit down with the king, Marco Pierre White.  After all, wasn't it this that made me decide to move to London next July?

Is there more of a Heathcliff today than Marco Pierre White?

This Shit's Still Funny

Joe Pa

This whole Jerry Sandusky stuff reminds me of the Michael Jackson bringing kids into Never Never Land stuff....why on Earth would a parent let their 7 or 8 year-old kid go off alone with some guy who is a stranger to them?  What, Dad's a Penn State fan, so he's happy to let the defensive coordinator take his kid away for ice cream? Really?  Hey, I love Bruce, but I'm not letting my kid go to his guitar tech's house unescorted.  Sandusky didn't grab these kids off the street; they were handed to him, and that's BEFORE he was allowed to have sleepover camps on the Penn State Campus.  Incredible.

Question.

How long until the inevitable "Hitler finds out Joe Paterno has been fired" YouTube video comes out, a lá Hitler's first Springsteen show?

More Joe Pa

A side note to the Penn State thing is that Tom Bradley, who will be taking over head coaching duties this Saturday, has been an assistant coach at PSU for 33 years.  I mean, wtf? 33 years? As an assistant? Never took flight to be a head coach somewhere else? Really? Either he's a really shitty coach, or there's some  REALLY incestuous, creepy way of life once inside the Joe Pa circle.  Very bizarre. Bill Guthridge-esque.

Will This Distract Us from Obama's War on Christmas?

Apparently, a few moments ago the Senate Judiciary Committee voted to approve the Respect of Marriage Act, in effect overturning the Defense of Marriage Act, aka the "It's Adam and Eve, Not Adam and Steve!" Act.

...the Respect for Marriage Act, which would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and allow the federal government to provide benefits to couples in same-sex marriages.

It goes without saying that Jesus and his scrappy, lovable sidekick Baby Jesus are beyond furious about this; meanwhile, I've noticed that over three years ago I invited readers to send me examples wherein gay people getting married had somehow ruined their own marriages, and here I am still waiting for the first one. Hmm.

Joe Pa

This week's events don't change the fact that whoever didn't demand Hillary Clinton trumpet her dad played football at Penn State should be fired, since she'd prolly be president right now if she did:

Last night my buddy Op from the UG pointed out to me that Hillary Clinton's father played football at Penn State. WHAT??!!! How the FUCK has she not trumpeted this from Day 1? She shoulda worn nothing but Nittany Lion gear, and Joe Paterno shoulda been stumping this whole time. She shoulda let herself be put in the big Nittany Lion mascot suit and shot out of a cannon before the Notre Dame game. And again after every first down. Shoulda mentioned it 50 times every time she was on tv. I'm sorry, but if you don't understand how much football means to Pennsylvania after your father played at PSU, you might not deserve to be president. To say nothing of the fact that whichever staffer woulda been in charge of such a thing should be fired immediately. Yeah she won, but she coulda won bigger (and needed to.) Unreal. How can a campaign running for president not be smart enough to capitalize on this? Fucking christ.

PARTICULARLY after Obama's whole "in Pennsylvania they bitterly cling to religion and guns" fiasco, n'est-pas?  I mean, camon. Politics 101.