Oh Shit.

If theyre party cups, why are they named "Solo"? - XMASTIME

If you though 2016 couldn't get any worse, the guy who invented the red Solo cup just died. 

 

Fail du Jour

Tried to pick the right moment to add items to the office food bank, ie when everybody just happens to be standing around looking. 

Well hello, asshole!

Trump...Liar? Nooooooo!

No jail for Hillary. No swamp draining. If I don't get to freely grab pussy at the Great Wall of Mexico I'm gonna be pissed.

Fucking Amtrak

‪Amtrak's "apologies" when announcing a delay are about as useful as "thoughts & prayers" after a mass shooting. #titsonabull‬

Grrrr.

I fucking hate it when someone in front of me on the escalator shames me into walking it. Hey fuckface - if God wanted to invent stairs that don't move he already would have!!!!

Hmm.

Don't worry, I'm sure the people who spent the last 8 years quoting Jefferson's "When governments fear the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny" are furious about this.

Memories!

Failure du Jour

Trying to pick the right moment to add items to the office food bank, ie when everybody just happens to be standing around looking.

Someone seems to be ready to gtfo town. #Officecow

Awesome du Jour

Announcement du Jour

I'm officially calling it: on January 10, Trump will resign the presidency. Claiming his business entanglements are too great and stepping aside "putting America first," he'll get to spend the rest of his life claiming a "landslide" victory without, to his great relief, having to actually do the work.

Rap Sucks

There's maybe 4 guitar solos I've ever cared for but this is pretty funny.

The King

I have no problem with the thesis that Chuck Berry invented rock 'n roll:

When, inevitably, he passes away, the obituaries will note a vast artistic legacy, albeit with a stunted artistic career; the blunt ones will limn a stunted man, as well. But they might also mention that, if Chuck Berry did not invent the music synonymous with his name, he sensed something large in it, and, in a way no one else did, put that sense into words. In his hands, rock became something mythopoeic, and for a not-insignificant number of years, this exalted perception of itself reigned. Most of the significant artists of the last half-century or more didn't just make rock and roll records; they made records that in one way or another hinted at something bigger. It was something Chuck Berry told them they could do.

Memories!

“Justice Scalia captivates audience with story about seeing Gina Lollobrigida in line at the airport.”

Hmmm.

One interesting note about this article is that while "hard-working" is a euphemism for "white", nobody here seems particularly hard-working:

If Matt had a muse, it was Jessie, an unemployed ironworker, party animal, and backcountry poet. Rail thin, with a lisp and a few missing front teeth, Jessie had recently got out of jail after serving time for multiple D.U.I.s. “I may have slowed down on my partying, but I’m still a wild child,” he told us. “I’ve got to calm down.” Describing the rigid mind-set of his Pentecostal upbringing, he said, “You can’t read the Bible and then have a Budweiser. Either you live a straight line or you don’t.”

More "Yes, Minster"

Get thee to Amazon now and watch!

Truth du Jour

No matter how much British tv I watch or British lit I read, I'm pretty sure I'll never really understand what the hell A or O levels are.

Thoughts on Football. I Have Them.

I feel like "on great day" is superfluous here.

Making Lemonade

Trump may end unemployment once and for all just with the hyper-growth of the fact-checking industry.

I'm Probably a Math Genius

Takes two math geniuses coding and mathematical theory to learn what I've always known: get the light blues and oranges, then you win.

Thank You God!!

After talking about it for over a year, our long, national nightmare is finally almost over.

Embarrassed to Say...

...that I can attest to this being spot-on.

Giant du Jour

Looking at the 12 self-checkout lanes at the Shaw Giant makes me furious at the Mexicans who snuck them in here so Americans wouldn't have those jobs. Sad!

For Fuck's Sake

The next 4 years is gonna be a worse version of the mom in your office who guilts people into buying Girl Scout cookies from her kid.

In America.

This sums up how we are as people: guy who has time in the middle of the week to attend a rally, i.e. probably woefully underemployed, trying like hell to give cash to someone born into inconceivable privilege and money. Wow.

Thouhgts. I Have Them.

Somebody needs to explain to me why a video of this with Garfield has not been made.

Yes, Minister

Like last year, 2016 has been a fantastic year for me when it comes to BBC sitcoms. I can't possibly remember all of my new favorites, but after only one season I'm officially putting Yes, Minister in the pantheon previously.  Top 10 (at this moment) in bold.


IN THE PANTHEON OF BBC GREATNESS

Only Fools and Horses

The IT Crowd
Fawlty Towers
I'm Alan Partridge
Peep Show
The Inbetweeners
Blackadder
Vicar of Dibley
Rev.
To the Manor Born
The Good Life
Count Arthur Strong
Rising Damp
Open All Hours
Black Books
The Other Man(s)
Miranda
Vicious
Citizen Smith
Whites
Spy
Yes, Minister 

Also, Sir Humphrey from Yes, Minister may be closing in on the pantheon of sitcom characters, a la Bunker/Costanza/Del Boy/Alex P. Keaton/Charlie Kelly.

Quote du Jour

Line du Jour

I have no idea why I was even reading this article, but boy what a great line:

Every time he returned the ball, it was like watching a starving man get to eat.

Promise du Jour

This is from Australia. If Trump can somehow make America top this, I will happily vote for him in 2020.

Just Another Saturday Afternoon for Me

It should surprise exactly nobody that Saturday's Nutcracker at the Warner Theatre was my first-ever ballet; I was there to watch my little buddy Josie, who is already being hailed as maybe the best Nutcracker mushroom EVER.

If This Kid Needs an Intern...

...I am happy to help.

I Never Travel Far, Without a Little Big Star

Bell comes across in the film as a guy haunted about something we don't really know what, depressed and maybe a victim of his own artiness whose death at 27 seems somewhat inevitable. By the end of the movie you're simultaneously bummed thinking of all the great music Chilton and Bell never got to make together, but grateful for what little bit they did. - XMASTIME

Great article HERE on the tragedy of Chris Bell:

When Chris Bell's death was reported by a local newspaper in 1978, the headline read "Son of local restaurateur, killed at 27." But, Van Duren interjects: "It should have read rock genius."

October 9, 1940 - December 8, 1980

RIP du Jour

He never held my imagination like Neil Armstrong but dude had a helluva life.

Happy 60th Birthday

To the great Larry fucking Bird.

It's That Time of the Year

I had a ticket to see the Pogues with Op but I blew it off for some reason, I assume it was to bang out some strange, and it turned out to be the last show Kirsty Mccoll ever did before getting killed.  - XMASTIME

Great article about one of the greatest Xmas songs ever:

The last thing to say about "Fairytale of New York" is that every single time I really listen to it, by the lyrics "came in eighteen to one," I cry a fat tear. This may sound narrow of me, but if you can't identify with the protagonist, I don't think I want to know you or want you to live in my neighborhood. The longing of "Fairytale" for a better land, for better luck, and for better selves in the midst of vice and failure is nearly liturgical in its construction. In this way it's appropriately a song about the transition from Advent to Christmas, from the trials of waiting, to the bells ringing out.

It's not just a fun song, it's a salve to the soul.

ANNOUNCEMENT. I HAVE ONE.

Tramp Art, the doc about Xmastime buddies Marah is finally available - BUY IT HERE!!

Now This Is Good.

Trump Thoughts. I Have Them.

Anyone who doesn't understand how we got to Trump never noticed that while Josiah Bartlet may have been our greatest President, his Deputy White House Communications Director was a Tea Party guy. Sad!

2017 Goal

Write a Christmas ballet titled "Deez Nutcrackers."

Only Fools du Jour

Of course as Xmastime fans you're well-versed in Del Boy trying to speak French; here's Sir David Jason telling Michael McIntyre the story of how “Bonnet de douche” came about:

Sad but True du Jour

Ron Glass

Shame on any of you who've forgotten Ron Glass' small, but pivotal, role in the Sinbad classic, Houseguest.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Whatever you think of either one, it's hard to imagine back-to-back presidents being more different in character and temperament than Obama & Trump.

Irony du Jour

If you somehow physically combined the heads of Josiah Bartlet, Sam Seaborn & Josh Lyman, they would create one image:

Tis the Season

Generational Shift

My nephew has had a somewhat different childhood experience than I had...he just asked me what "Kool Aid" is.

Thanksgiving with Rudy!

Now THIS is a happy dog.

Williamsburg

... has changed since I left Brooklyn 4 years ago. Sad!

Taketh me to ye olde Turkey's Nest! 

Goals. I Have Them.

My only real goal in life is to become rich enough to live in hotels. Well, and dunk a basketball.

Thoughts on Castro Dying du Jour

Curious to see how Trump takes credit for being the President that finally gets Castro.

Fidel Castro Has Died

Xmastime from 8 years ago:

I remember reading once that there had been 638 attempts to assassinate Castro, making me wonder who was behind all these failed attempts. I arrived at one obvious conclusion:

Ashland Amtrak du Jour, II

Is "of solid built American steel" really necessary here?

Ashland Amtrak du Jour

"But officer, where would I think they wanted me to go to the bathroom?"

Scarf Game

It has been raised, bitches!...now I just hafta learn how to wear one.

Damn.

Damn. Just last night had stumbled onto a Barney Miller episode for the first time in years. :(

Shoulda Seen It Coming

Anyone who doesn't understand how we got to Trump never noticed that while Josiah Bartlet may have been our greatest President, his Deputy White House Communications Director was a Tea Party guy. Sad!

Stephen Fry on American Humor vs. British Humour

Weekend!

Conversations with a 1st-grader:
Her: do you know my friend ___________?
Me: no.
Her: how about ____________?
Me: why on earth would I know these people? Are these famous first graders?
Her: no.
Me: ok then.

(Long pause)
Her: do you know _____________?
(I hurl myself out of window)

Weekend!

There are exactly two people other than me in this world who can wear my Big Bear hat, and this is one of them

Weekend!

The hat game has changed rather impressively since I was 6.

Weekend!

Laid-back country rockers about to make good on social contract by playing "Wagon Wheel."

Weekend!

If you're looking for trouble, we'll be here til 5pm.

The Anti-Trump! #yugehands

More Weekend Thoughts.

Kids are useless until they're old enough to know that farts are funny.

Weekend!

If my goddaughter has learned anything from her godfather, it's how to put your tootsies up and be chill af.

Weekend Thoughts. I Have Them.

When crawling under a coffee table, the odds of an infant forgetting he's under a coffee table when sitting back up is approximately 100%.

Weekend!

Just a coupla fellas hanging out watching Hallmark Christmas movies. No big whoop!

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Maybe the people who have been whining about a war they lost 150 years ago can give people upset about losing the election to Trump a whole week to "get over it."

"Stop it!...until I can use your racism again in 2020."

Slice du Jour

Mootza!

can these people eat ANYthing that’s not fucking uber-Italian? Wtf? Every fucking piece of food, its pasta, it’s bruschetta, blahblahscotti. I understand pasta et al is your culture’s go-to meal, I’m cool with that – big celebratory meal, break out the spaghetti bolognese. But Tony comes waddling down the stairs in his robe, peeks his head in the fridge, and asks for what – piece of pie? Leftover meat loaf? No, of course he’s screaming “what happened to all the fucking Gnocchi di semolino??!!!” And Carmen never shoots back with “Sit down and shut up, I’ll make you a tuna fish sandwich”, she’s always like “I’ll make some pansotti alla genovese, go get dressed!” - XMASTIME

And now, an explanation on how New Jerseyians talk.

RIP Leonard Cohen

I Simply Cannot...

...recommend this show more highly. Rush thee now to Netflix.

Happy Birfday BBC!

You people know how much I love the BBC, particularly in the last 2 years (for fuckssake I made up a bracket tournament.) And what debuted 80 years ago today? The BBC!

Here's the Top Landmark Moments since it's first broadcast.

Of course they missed one.

I Don't Care About HIstory

 The street at the high school The Ramones went to has been renamed The Ramones Way:

They're officially the coolest kids to come out of Forest Hills High in Queens, N.Y., and that's saying something. The street where the Ramones — Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee and Tommy — went to high school is now named for them, as they beat out other former students such as Burt Bacharach, Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.

It's a natural fit for a band that personified street-tough punk rock to have a street named for it — and the band now has two in New York City alone. The new one's at 67th Ave. and 110th, where hundreds of fans gathered for a renaming ceremony Sunday. Already on the map: Joey Ramone Place on the Lower East Side, near the former home of the CBGB club.

While I'm always happy anytime The Ramones get any of their well-deserved attention, it's curious this is the street they've chosen since one of their most famous songs is all about hating high school and provided the title to a movie in which they blew one up.

Talk About...

...someone who needs to be grabbed by the p*ssy...

Is it the one where a president wanted to give more people accessible healthcare? Scary!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's...well, Paul Reiser.

Seems wildly ambitious. Hope they can pull this off:

Exactly. I love that movie. It’s really not about mocking show business at all. That’s just the backdrop. It’s just a really comfortable and familiar background. The bonus is we get all these great clips that you’re seeing in the course of a show. There’s Albert Brooks when he was 22 or here’s Steve Martin’s second appearance or here’s Sammy Davis doing Sammy Davis. Its fun to see. You might not want to sit and watch a whole show, but to get little doses of it while you’re telling your story is really nice.

And We'd Stand in a Line All the Way Down the Hallway for a Piece

Truth in 2016

I've been screaming this for years re: idiots who dismiss politicians as "oh, they're all bad":

“Republicans have one path to victory in this election and it is called false equivalency. They can’t deny Trump is horrible. It’s on tape. So they want voters to believe Hillary is just as bad. And in pursuit of that goal they have a very powerful ally: lazy people. People who like to say, ‘They are all bad.’ Because when you say that you don’t have to do any homework. Say they are all the same, and you can sound justifiably jaded by the entire process when really you just don’t know anything. You say you are cynical about politics? Don’t flatter yourself. Cynical comes when you know too much. You, on the other hand, haven’t bothered to learn anything.

One Year Ago Today, II

Buddy at my office one year ago today, on me being worried my going to Paris will be the proverbial American bull turned loose in a Parisian china shop: "They'll be fine. They handled the Nazis, they can handle you." :)

One Year Ago Today!

Live Forever

These quotes and insults from the Gallagher brothers ranked are, in a word, awesome.

16. Noel on the worst band he's ever heard: "Do you ever look at the sky and think, 'I'm glad I'm alive?' After I heard Sum 41, I thought, I'm actually alive to hear the shittiest band of all time. Which is quite something when you think about it. Of all the bands that have gone before and all the bands that'll be in the future, I was around when the worst was around."

#inspectelement du Jour

This could be a game-changer.

WTF du Jour

Like ripping up linoleum to find solid wood flooring. Wtf, book covers?!?!!?