/* MOBILE FIX: stop forcing desktop min-width */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body { min-width: 0 !important; } .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } .date-header { background: #000 !important; display: block !important; width: 100% !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .date-header span { background: transparent !important; } .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; } /* --- XMastime fixes: titles + date bars + mobile --- */ /* Post titles: stop random centering */ h3.post-title, h2.post-title, .post-title { text-align: left !important; } /* Date header: make the black bar extend full width */ .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; text-align: left !important; } /* Mobile: stop forcing huge desktop width */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body { min-width: 0 !important; } .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } /* FORCE post titles consistent */ .post-title, .post-title a, h2.post-title, h3.post-title { text-align: left !important; } /* FORCE full-width date bar across common Blogger structures */ .date-header, .date-header span, .post-header, .post-header-line-1, .post-header-line-1 span, .post-outer .post-header-line-1, .post-outer .post-header, .blog-posts .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; margin: 0 !important; } /* prevent inner bits from “breaking” the bar */ .date-header *, .post-header *, .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; text-align: left !important; } /* MOBILE: stop the fixed 1218px width behavior */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body, .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } /* DATE HEADER: make the black bar go full width */ .date-outer, /* FORCE FULL WIDTH DATE BAR NO MATTER WHAT */ .date-outer, .date-posts, .date-posts h2, .date-posts h3, .date-header, h2.date-header, h3.date-header { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 10px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; margin: 0 0 18px 0 !important; } /* force the TEXT itself orange and remove any weird inner box */ .date-posts span, .date-header span, .date-posts h2 span, .date-posts h3 span { background: transparent !important; color: #ff6600 !important; display: block !important; width: 100% !important; } -->

Sunday, January 31, 2021

The Beatles OTD 1969

51 years ago yesterday The Beatles played their famous rooftop concert atop their record company's headquarters at 3 Savile Row, which is now a children's Abercrombie & Fitch:

The Beatles purchased 3 Savile Row in 1968 as the headquarters for Apple Corps. They constructed a studio in the basement, which they used to record the second half of their Get Back/Let It Be sessions. Harry Nilsson, Badfinger, Marc Bolan and others also recorded there before Apple sold the building in 1976. It changed hands a number of times over the years until it was purchased by Abercrombie & Fitch in 2012. A children’s clothing store currently resides in the building’s ground floor — throwing London tailors, historians and Beatle fans into an uproar.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you go to the building in 2015?" 

 Sigh. Of COURSE I've been to the building, motherscratchers!



Idol Times

Listening to Randy Jackson on a podcast has reminded of me during another lifetime, when I'd live-blog American Idol. So here's a few of those. You're welcome!

For the Ladies

Beatles Edition!

Fuck Simon

Surprise!

Diletantes

Politics has become the new sports, in that we all feel perfectly comfortable spouting out whatever we think without really knowing anything. 🤔🤷‍♂️

Britcoms du Jour

Over the last six years you loyal fans have happily watched me rather sexily list my favorite BBC sitcoms, and now someone on Facebook has put together a list. I don't really know why he did it, it's not a very exhaustive list compared to mine, but I'm all for anybody listing their favorite Britcoms so I'm posting it here. I've highlighted the shows I've watched.  The colors don't mean anything, so don't focus more than 4-6 hours trying to break down my choices. I also don't know why his decades are out of order. Oh well - live your lives, people!

Nice to see the newest entry, Staged, make the list! :)

62 Docs and There's Nothing On

The New Yorker has a list of 62 Films that Shaped the Art of Documentary Filmmaking.

Even whilst being the discernible taste-maker that I am, I have literally heard of exactly zero of these, and usually discredit any such list that does not include Hoop Dreams, but the one on welfare sucked me in and I may be totes hooked on it and thereby willing to try another one. We'll see. I will keep you good (so-so good?) people posted.

Important Announcent!

I just realized that I own 99 movies in my Apple Library (why yes ladies, things are going well for me, no big deal why yes ladies I am single, why ever might someone ask...) meaning the next one I choose will by #100. Exciting! WHAT will that magical movie be?!?!?! I am officially accepting requests. Go!

Friday, January 29, 2021

Happy Irish Friyay!

Today seems to be Irish Friday here on Xmastime, and I'm happy to announce I've stumbled into a hilarious Irish show I've never seen before: Hardy Bucks, streaming on Netflix (streaming on Netflix...like, what the fuck else would it possibly be doing on Netflix, breakdancing?) Just watched the first episode, killing me :)

My other favorite Irish sitcoms:

The Irish RM, Father Ted, Derry Girls, Moone Boy

And here's more Graham Linehan (Father Ted) shows - they're classified more as British shows but fuck it:

The IT Crowd, Count Arthur Strong, Black Books

The Great Blasket Island

The memoir The Loneliest Boy in the World: The Last Child of the Great Blasket Island was a fascinating read - particularly if you actually read it while in Dingle like I did (does that make me better than you OF COURSE THAT MAKES ME BETTER THAN YOU!!!). It was about the last kid who lived on the Blasket Island before the Irish government finally made everybody evacuate the it in the 1950s. I remember a lot of talk in the book about peat and turf.

Here's a Facebook clip of some dude visit the island he grew up on for the last time before he died. It only makes me yearn like crazy for the day I can go back to visit Dingle once again. See my previous trips HERE and....crap, did I really not post about my 2019 trip? OUTRAGEOUS! I'm sure I will remedy that soon, my promise to you loyal fans.

Sounds Fucking Terrible.



Someone Had a Helluva Two Weeks

 


Robbing Good

"One hundred thousand"? Why'd they stop there, why wouldn't they go to something like "100 billion" to make their point?

No wonder this company's about to go down the shitter.

Rock 'n Roll Mice

Who took longer to show up onscreen in their own movie, The Ramones in Rock 'n Roll High School (almost 38 minutes in) or the shark in Jaws?  - XMASTIME

Other than it giving us The Ramones (back in the dark ages when seeing stuff like this was almost impossible) nobody would ever accuse Rock 'n Roll High School of being a great movie, but I've always loved the big mice throughout it. Who was the genius who came up with this shit?



"Mouse work"! Brilliant. And of course, their origin story:

BBC Yeah You Know Me

My new favorite Facebook "friend" has become BBC Archive #OnThisDay, which every day posts a coupla things from its past, some of which are mind-blowing like this. Throw in a nice nostalgic look & feel and I think we're on a winner here, Trig.

Sitcom Worlds Colliding

Back in the 1970s, you couldn't really make a sitcom without an episode during which a character has to share a hospital room with someone else who is a terrible person, who actively hates the character in spite of him or her repeatedly trying to become BFF, and it always ends with the character learning something about the asshole that justified their behavior.

Previous Sitcom Worlds Colliding HERE and HERE (sort of) and HERE and HERE.


Women's Baseball Questions. I Have Them.

A League of Their Own is one of my favorite movies of all time - I don't consider it just to be a great baseball movie, I consider it to be a great movie movie - but until I saw this clip just now, it's never occurred to me to ask if the bases were only set 60 feet apart instead of the MLB norm of 90? 🤔


“Hahaha Just Kidding Loser, We’ll Take the Castle Thank You Very Much"



Still a Good Question.



Thursday, January 28, 2021

TV Thoughts. I Have Them.



I've always wondered why Phyllis' daughter didn't show up on The Mary Tyler Moore more often. That was a funny kid.

"The Second Jan Mentioned the Osso Bucco Would Be Another 3 Hours, Jim & Pam Knew They Were Fucked" #theoffice #dinnerparty

 


Hey Hey Hey!

Happy 91st Birthday Roy Clarke

If Roy Clarke had written any ONE of these classic sitcoms he'd be an all-time legend; the idea that he wrote them all - including all 295 episodes of Last of the Summer Wine - is simply mind-boggling.

In My Life

According to the Atlantic today, there are two types of people: Epicureans and Stoics.

Epicureans:

Epicureans see discomfort as generally negative, and thus the elimination of threats and problems as the key to a happier life. Don’t get the impression that I am saying they are lazy or unmotivated—quite the contrary, in many cases. But they don’t see enduring fear and pain as inherently necessary or beneficial, and they focus instead on enjoying life.

Stoics:

...believed happiness comes from finding life’s purpose, accepting one’s fate, and behaving morally regardless of the personal cost. His philosophy could be summarized as, “Grow a spine and do your duty.” People who follow a Stoic style see happiness as something earned through a good deal of sacrifice. Not surprisingly, Stoics are generally hard workers who live for the future and are willing to incur substantial personal cost to meet their life’s purpose (as they see it) without much complaining. They see the key to happiness as working through pain and fear, not actively avoiding them.

I'm definitely in the Epicurean camp here; my philosophy is that life is so incredibly short that it is only to be enjoyed - both by finding joy for yourself, and trying to bring it to others (part of which is to simply avoid making life miserable for others). There is nothing I'm going to do that will last the next 13.6B years of the Universe, so it all should be enjoyed now. That doesn't mean a life of selfish decadence, but one of quiet enjoyment. I've always believed there's nothing better than laughing, except for making someone else laugh. It's a simpler life.

But I'm not sure I fall in line with this:

For Epicurus, unhappiness came from negative thoughts, including needless guilt, fear of things we can’t control, and a focus on the inevitable unpleasant parts of life. The solution was to banish them from the mind. To this end, he proposed a “four-part cure”: Don’t fear God; don’t worry about death; what is good is easy to get (by lowering our expectations for what we need to be happy); what is terrible is easy to endure (by concentrating on pleasant things even in the midst of suffering). This is made all the easier when we surround ourselves with friendly people in a peaceful environment.

There is a bit of Larry David to me - I worry about death way too much, I always think the sky is falling,  I always assume the world's against me and nothing is ever easy etc etc. 

Sorry people, I guess I'm just one super-complex motherfucker!

Enjoy the McNuggets now, Xmastime...and I will see you in Hell!! Just kidding, as you already know
the man least dependent upon the morrow goes to meet the morrow most cheerfully.

It..IS Their Fault?

Have Matt Damon and Ben Affleck given this dude the proper respect for being the original Will Hunting? 🤔

To Be Fair Has Anyone Met Her Mother? 🤔





On Glasses

I've never listened to Michael Kay's radio show but will always love him because he's been the Yankees announcer on tv since I was a fan, so I could care less about whatever his politics are but this Tweet has reminded me how much I loved wearing glasses just for the purpose of using them as a hand prop. (Though they could've actually been useful during my first ever varsity baseball game.)

Does anyone ever look more important than the moment they slowly take off their glasses and use them as a pointer? Or even just to hold them, refusing to put them over their eyeballs like any other simpleton might? Impressive, Michael Kay!


An Aging Xmastime Reflects

Blogger tells me that I'm only 77 posts away from my 25,000th post. I started this blog in November of 2005, and like most things on the internet it's gone from having a few hundred people reading it every day (I miss you 2008!) to nobody giving a shit about it (every moment since). Why do I keep slogging it out every day, knowing nobody cares? I don't know. Partly because I guess I'm always bursting to be heard, and this allows me to vomit whatever I'm thinking while having the .0001% hope in the back of my head that somebody will read it and care about it. Or I've come to view this as a sort of scrapbook that I'll look back on one day with great affection:

I wonder if the Loud family ever looks back on the footage, amazed they have hours and hours of memories to look at.  As much as I blather away about whatthefuckever on Xmastime, I'm very aware that one day, a long time from now, I'll be glad that there's a place I can go to remember what I was once like. - XMASTIME

A few Xmastime milestones, you're welcome very much:

My first post (still miffed I didn't have the vision to make it about something more meaningful than Wally fucking Joyner!)

My 5,000th post 

My 20,000th post

Okay I guess those are the only numeric milestone posts I've marked over the years oh fucking well. I'm sure one day I'll dedicate my life to listing all of my favorite posts, like an ultimate Top 10 (though I guess that's what the XMASTIME CLASSICS thing to the right is, even though I haven't updated it in years) but there's no way in hell I'm doing that anytime soon. A reason to continue living, I suppose.

THIS POST ten years ago sums up pretty well how people attacked blogs back in the day.  Every friend of mine was excited to start one, but lost interest after a few days when they realized nobody cared.  But not me! Most of my friends probably think I'm an idiot or it's a sickness, and they might be right. And the idea of a "blogger" is still of some loser in his Iron Man Underoos sitting in his mom's basement, which to me says more about the people thinking such a thing as the world has passed them by and less about actual bloggers. 

My promise to you: I will continue to beat on (but sometimes off!), boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

Oh Fuck You, Kid!

 

More HERE.

Can't Stop Won't Stop GameStop

I don't really understand the whole GameStop thing but it somehow reminds me of a story I heard 10-15 years ago about the time some improv group showed up at a gig pretending to be huge fans of some nothing band and then disappeared and the band, thinking they'd suddenly become popular, was crushed:

Imagine that you are in a band named Ghosts of Pasha. You’re a brand new band from Burlington and are about to play your first show in New York at the Mercury Lounge on October 24. The catch is that there are only three paying customers and the rest of the 38 people at the show are part of a group called Improv Everywhere. This group, led by 26-year-old Charlie Todd, memorized lyrics to Ghosts of Pasha’s songs, made tattoos of the band’s name, and went absolutely nuts during the concert. Of course, Ghosts of Pasha had no idea what was going on at the time. They have not released an album and only have six songs on their website. This is only their fourth show ever and the third of their tour. They spent the day before the show driving from Vermont to Boston then to New York. The band was exhausted for the show, but was greatly surprised by the reaction of the crowd. Singer Milo Finch said, “When the crowd screams at you like you’re The Beatles, you act like The Beatles.” The surprising part for the band was the question of how a group of New Yorkers knew all the songs from a brand new band from Vermont?

Todd wanted to find a band that was getting themselves up for a horrible audience. He found Ghosts of Pasha and knew that no one in New York would know a new band from Vermont. Todd wanted to create for them the “best gig ever.” The crowd turned itself into hardcore Ghosts of Pasha fans. They rushed the stage, threw their shirts around, and as singer Finch claims, “had better timing on the songs than he did.” However, as soon as the last note was played the place emptied and the band was shocked at how fast it happened. “It was just creepy,” the band said after the show was over.

Three days after the show someone sent the band an email to Improv Everywhere’s website. For the next two days the band claims they felt like they were part of a big joke. They had to shut down their website because of emails and messages making fun of the band. “It was fake…it was like a blow to my heart,” said guitarist Chris Partyka. Charlie Todd claims, “It is all right to give someone the best day of their life even if they will never have one like it again."

And here's the story that came out on NPR.

NOTE. Woulda been nice if these people played such a tragic joke on a scrappy little combo called Hayday. Woulda been the right thing to do, just saying.

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

In That Order? Hmm.



DEAR BOOKSELLERS:

Yes, remember to always make sure there's a dumb-ass sticker covering up half the author's name and the book's title, that's what I always say. Well done.

Sometime I Wonder What This Hero is Doing Right Now



I Don't Wanna Be a Dick Buuuuuuuuuut...

...on what planet is ground beef an extra $2.00 more than pepperoni? 🤔 #foodporn

OFAH du Jour

Front page of the working script/schedule from the very first episode that started it all, Big Brother.

Zing!



Brilliant du Jour

Whoever this is, she was amazing as every character (including the clothes!) 

Britcoms that are represented (all the ones I've seen are great, but * = Xmastime superslice):

Gavin and Stacey*
The Office
The Inbetweeners
*
Miranda
*
Absolutely Fabulous
Motherland
This Country
(Never watched this one)
The Vicar of Dibley*
Not Sure What the News Reporter One Is
Derry Girls*
Stath Lets Flats

Catastrophe
Outnumbered
(Never watched this one)
The IT Crowd*

Questions. I Have Them.

At the circus, why do we applaud the guy who sticks his head in the lion's mouth and doesn't get it bitten off? Shouldn't we be applauding the lion; nobody waves a hot pizza in my face and then says "wow, how about that pizza?" 🤔🤷

Kobe at One Year

I hadn't really noticed anyone talking about yesterday being the one-year anniversary of Kobe Bryant's death until later last night so I didn't mention it.  I wouldn't say I was a Kobe "fan" - I'm sure I hated him in the beginning because he was a Laker, but like pretty much everybody else by the end of his career I had a lot of respect for him and enjoyed him becoming a real part of the NBA's legacy. I also liked that after he was done playing he had interests outside of basketball, such as winning an Oscar of whatever he won for some film he made I'll never watch. Was it an Emmy? Who knows, it's impossible to find these things out.

There have been three sporting events I was determined to watch despite not really caring about the sport or team or person in the first place:

1. Wayne Gretzky's final game. I couldn't care less about hockey but since I'd lived on Earth for more than 3 minutes I knew how great Gretzky was so I knew I was watching history, plus it was at The Garden which made it more of an event

2. The women's World Cup final in 1999

3. Kobe's final game, when he went nuts for 60

I have no real idea why I felt compelled to watch Kobe's last game, but I'm glad I did and grew more & more excited every time he scored just like everybody else watching.

One interesting story I heard just this morning was that Kobe decided he wanted to learn piano. But he didn't really "learn piano", he just taught himself to play exactly one song - Moonlight Sonata - perfectly, and that's it. Which of course made me think of the episode of Wings in which at a party, Lowell sits down at the piano and effortlessly knocks out the theme song to Entertainment Tonight. Everybody's floored by this, very impressed, until they realize it's the only song he knows and he plays it over and over, driving them bananas.

Ah yes, those Lowell Mather/Kobe Bryant comparisons...whenever will they end?

"Kobe? Went for 60? I'm on it!"

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Memories.

 

Me, listening to Redd Foxx’ The Dead Jackass single. Fucking adorable.

YAS YAS YAS YAS!!!

Watching the first season of The Real World isn't making me nostalgic for the 90s but it is making me nostalgic for a time when people my age apparently ate spaghetti three meals a day. - XMASTIME

Apparently a reunion of the first season of The Real World is coming!!!!! Pinch me I'm crying:

The Real World season one’s cast apparently agreed to MTV and Bunim-Murray’s terms for some kind of reunion, as the cast has recently been filmed—and may now be done with production—in New York City, according to a reliable MTV spoiler.

“MTV has been filming  season one of their Real World reunion series starting with the first season in NY,” PinkRose posted at Vevmo.

The post listed all seven original cast members: Becky Blasband, Andre Comeau, Heather B. Gardner, Julie Gentry, Norm Korpi, Eric Nies, and Kevin Powell.

The format for their reunion is not clear. Will they live in a house full of Ikea furniture and a metaphoric fish tank? Will they just gather on sofas to talk?

Whatever it looks like, it’s great that MTV is capitalizing on nostalgia for early reality TV, and recognizing what it still has in The Real World and its early cast members. Their actual lives were taped in those early years, before the show became a place where people just went to try to find a life of fame.

I can't remember how many seasons ago I stopped watching The Real World - maybe 10? 12? - and I have no idea how many times I've posted about it but here are a few old bits about it you're welcome, Earth! 

Pretty amazing Sunday so far, lounging around in my drawers binging Season 1 of The Real World OMG I just realized I've become my father. Dammit. (from 2016)

Why isn't there some sort of definitive documentary on this series? As goofy as it's become, it WAS a pioneering show, and there must be some value in it somewhere. And I don't mean some stupid fucking MTV one; I mean some 8-hour in-depth joint with Leiv Schrieber narrating. (from 2009)

A few things that bother me about The Real World (from 2006):

    a. Unless you grew up under a rock in Siberia or, worse, Kansas, you’ve seen the show. Every year they get some humongous, tricked-out fantasy house that’s amazing – has a pool, big aquarium, John Candy stuffed and mounted on the mantle, whatever. But EVERY FUCKING YEAR we gotta spend half the first episode watching these idiots sprinting from room to room shrieking “OHMYGODLOOKITTHISHOUSEITSAMAZING!!!!” no shit, dumbass. So were the first 16 houses. Knock it off and hurry up to the obligatory first-episode hot tub scene so we can find out which chick is the one with the “serious boyfriend” who of course ends up banging everybody in sight for 5 months – all part, of course, of her “learning to grow and like myself as a person, and learning to live all by myself.” I love how there’s always that one chick who decides she’s gonna “take time off” from her bf so that she can prove to herself and everybody else that dammit, she can be independent!! Ahhhmmm, sweetheart…you’re being propped up by MTV for 22 weeks- sleeping til 4pm every day, drinking a ton of free booze and fucking everything in sight while wearing a band aid over your titties in the hot tub. I’m not sure that’s really  considered “making it on your own” as an independent woman. But hey, what do I know.

    b. I also love these “jobs” they give these assholes. My two favorites were the cast of Las Vegas - “hosting” parties, wherein the girls would dress like sluts and get drunk and the boys would grind on said “employees”, and last season in Austin where they have to…fuck, did anyone ever catch what they were supposed to do? Something like photograph a band from SXSW. Once. Hmm. Tough one. Other classics of course include San Diego (“Your job is to learn to ride around in a big boat”) and Paris, where they acted as “travel writers” meaning they went to bars throughout the city and “wrote reviews” about them. Has anybody seen this collection of works published? Yes? No? Does it really matter anyways, when Adam’s dad knows Lionel Richie? Just once I’d like to see where all the kids are sitting together all fired up about finding out what there job is gonna be, and then it’s revealed…ta-da! Slaughterhouse! For the next 4 months you’ll be pulling out pig rectums with your bare, stupid hands!! Welcome to the real world, fuckheads!! Ironically, of course, there’s always at least one douchebag that has to get fired from these “jobs” because he just cant get his ass out of bed after a night of pounding vodka and crying onto his roommate's shoulder how much he has grown to love/respect him over the last 4 weeks. Between that and puking, who the fuck’s got time for work? Hall of Fame Award here goes to Montana, who got fired for actually giving wine to children. God bless you, Montana. You’re ugly, you’re stupid, you’re worthless but you have managed to find yourself in the Real World Hall of Fame.

"What's that? Really? Why yes, I do just happen to be available right now..."

And You're a Private Prison, Prison For Money, Do What You Want Me to Do

Joe Biden (I feel like unless it's an Onion article this will be one of very, very few days I'll post about Sleepy Joe twice) has called for putting an end to private prisons. See:

Of course I have no hope of this actually happening, since I'm sure there are way too many powerful people making tons of fucking money hand over fist from private prisons. But I did call for their end back in 2009, which I am proud of regardless of their future.

Okay fuck this shit here's some classic Uncle Joe for you!

Cool AF

There is now a Moon rock in the Oval Office. We might be coming back to life as a nation of thought after all. Fingers crossed.

Thanks, Trump Supporters.

One thing we learned from 2020 is how quickly America can turn a blind eye to massive suffering:

As Adam Serwer indelibly wrote, the cruelty of this was the point. The politics of Trumpism were built around white people sharing in rituals of viciousness and exclusion, coming together to follow their leader’s rejection of their designated enemies and to revel in how far things would go.

But the longer the administration wore on, the more the cruelty seemed to have another, horrifyingly practical point behind it. Trumpism was not just testing how hateful the country could be. It was exploring the limits of America’s capacity for indifference.

Is there a greater opener to more cruelty than indifference? 

January 26, 1960

This being the internet, of course there's a video about The Ballad of Danny Heater. Mostly, everybody seems miserable it even happened. 

Enjoy. You're welcome!

60 Years Ago Tonight

The Ballad of Danny heater took place on a cold night in a hot West Virginia high school gym:

He did it 31 seasons ago. He was 17 then and built like a boneyard and had a father who was out of work in the mines and a mama named Beulah who sang beautifully in the Methodist church, and on one improbable howling-cold January night, in a little band-box country gym that was so small it didn't even have seats, he vaulted up out of his West Virginia destinies to set -- in 32 minutes and four quarters of high school basketball -- a single-game national scoring record that no one has ever been able to touch. 
"We're going to feed it to Danny every time we get the ball," the coach had told Luther Clayton and Harold Conrad and Charlie Smith and Donnie Brooks and all the others in the locker room. And why? Because they wanted to try and get the poorest kid on the team a ride to college.

60 years! Does he celebrate the day, after all these years? Is it depressing to think about it? How can there not be a movie of this already, I mean for fuck's sake I have the perfect title for it aaaaaaarrrgggghhh!!!!

UPDATE: Dammit. I thought I had come up with "The Ballad of Danny Hater", but I didn't...it came from the very article I linked to in the previous post:

This is the ballad of Danny Heater.

He did it 31 seasons ago. He was 17 then and built like a boneyard and had a father who was out of work in the mines and a mama named Beulah who sang beautifully in the Methodist church, and on one improbable howling-cold January night, in a little band-box country gym that was so small it didn't even have seats, he vaulted up out of his West Virginia destinies to set -- in 32 minutes and four quarters of high school basketball -- a single-game national scoring record that no one has ever been able to touch. 

Grrrrrr. Pissed it's not my name. But go ahead and read the whole article, it's goddam Hoosiers-worthy.

Names, Emma, Ugh

One thing I REALLY suck at is remembering people's names. I can remember people's birthdays, but not their names. And this includes reading - I'll be 50 pages in, and find myself thinking "...Ethan...Ethan Frome; which one the fuck is he?" although I'll remember everything else, and will quickly re-connect everything after a few seconds. - XMASTIME

 In the past, I've had a problem with the naming conventions in a few books, such as Wuthering Heights:

I might've' started out keeping an organizational chart of who's who, especially since there's 900 fucking Cathys. Grrr.

And Crime and Punishment:

I've mentioned before how shitty I am with names HERE. And that's with names that are in English! So you can guess how thrilled I was about having to keep Russian names straight. And maybe someone could've warned me that Russians apparently assign each other about 4 different names, none of which seem to be related in any way to each other to Joe Q. American Buck like myself? Grr.

and Some of It Was Fun:

So this morning as I was walking around ("doing my thang"), and I was thinking about shit in the book, and I realized I kept referring to the author as Wurzelbacher. Wurzelbacher did this, Wurzelbacher did that, etc etc. Then I'm like hold up...the guy's name isn't fucking Wurzelbacher...what is it...(brain frying)...what the fuck's his name...and where the fuck did I get Wurzelbacher from? Wurzelbacher? Who the fuck is Wurzelbacher?

AND NOW I am adding Jane Austen's Emma to the list; besides being insufferable (halfway through, I am finally giving up grinding through it) there are two Mr. Knightleys and for some reason Austen seems to go out of her way to never point out which one is which and it's officially driven me fucking nuts so I'M OUT!! 

The books saving grace was it would eventually introduce us this delightfully easy-on-the-peepers lady.

I Love Bourdain AND I Agree with This!

Fucking Republicans...

 ...outraged over the idea of punishing Trump after he’s left office: “But officer - how can you arrest me for drunk driving when by the time time you pulled me over I had already stopped driving?”

MLB Top 10, For Hank

Some nerd put together an interactive graph showing the Top 10 career home run leaders in MLB every year since the beginning of the modern era. A few things jump out:

1) You really see the difference Babe Ruth makes when he puts down his bucket of hot dogs and starts clubbing goddam balls everywhere

2) My favorite player, Mickey Mantle, dropped out of the Top 10 forever after 2002 :(

3) A-Rod doesn't get any credit for stopping at #696. He could've made everybody miserable by latching onto some team so he could spend a summer trying to squeeze out those four homers that would've gotten him to 700 - certainly another strata of greatness, at least until he started banging a curiously-hotter-as-she-gets-older-J-Lo - but he didn't.

Monday, January 25, 2021

Power to the People!

You incredibly loyal fans know I love love love me some Citizen Smith. Starring the great Robert Lindsay, it was John Sullivan's first sitcom, before he created Only Fools and Horses. Thankfully, somebody just posted the entire pilot episode on Facebook, so enjoy. You're welcome, Earth!

Hammerin' Hank

Now that he's died everyone just now is discovering that if you took away Hank Aaron's home runs he'd still have 3,000 hits but I'd like to get credit for pointing that out ten years ago thank you very much.

ALSO I would like credit for reminding people he's #3 on the all-time hits list, which nobody ever seems to know about except me thank you very much.

"Oh, that Xmastime...he gets me! Back in 2011!"

This is Still a Good Question BTW


 

Rising Damp Note

Rising Damp is one of my favorite shows from the 1970s Golden Age of Britcoms and for some reason there's a new short article about the making of it in the Guardian today, mainly featuring its creator and writer Eric Chappell:

I was concerned his prejudicial attitude towards Philip could be misinterpreted by the audience as something to be celebrated or mimicked, as had happened with Johnny Speight’s bigoted and reactionary Alf Garnett. In the bar at the interval of the first night, back when Rising Damp was still a play, I heard a drunken Irishman say: “They have insulted my religion in there!” At that point, I realised people’s prejudices could be deflated with humour, and hoped I had written an intelligent comedy about race relations.

Maybe the reason for this article out of the blue is to remind everybody the show is now on Britbox? WHICH I FUCKING DID A MONTH AGO FOR YOU PEOPLE?!!?!?!?

Closed for Business

I just noticed that Jimmy's Diner, from my old Williamsburg neighborhood, closed down last July, and now the owner's pointing out how difficult it is to not only keep a restaurant open in NYC, but closing one as well:

“Closing a restaurant is not like closing up an office where you, you know, take your laptop with you, lock up the door and, ‘See you in two months’,” Papagni said. “A restaurant is like a living, breathing entity and there's a million different things that you have to do to close it—and that can go wrong when you close it.”

A decision to close means the owners must face their creditors and landlords. And yet the financial and emotional cost of closing a restaurant is a part of the industry that doesn’t get talked about much, said Stephen Zagor, who teaches Food Entrepreneurship at the Columbia Business School and is the former director of the Institute for Culinary Education.

“You'd like to be optimistic that the thing is going to do incredibly well and that your closing will be more of an exit strategy when someone comes in to buy you,” Zagor said.

Of COURSE I want to turn this back to my review of the restaurant I wrote in 2009 before it even opened; I won't make you read the whole thing if you don't want to even though the whole ting is comedy gold, but I will point out the five best bit, you're very welcome:

A fried chicken place (and by “fried chicken place” I mean one of those places that purports to be Southern but is run by someone who thinks The Colonel fought in the Cola Wars of the mid-80s).

My default glance to see how bullshit a restaurant is the cheeseburger with fries. Jimmy’s asking $11 for this. Hmm. $11 to sit just off the BQE in a dining room the size of my nutbag for a burger and fries. No thanks - I can get this UNDER the BQE, and have a boyfriend who has his own shopping cart of aluminum cans to boot. 

This menu’s got more choices than Michael Jackson at a Romper Room remake of Ben Hur.  

A $12 salad? Really? There’s only one salad that’s worth $12 - and, if I’ve studied my Chris Rock correctly, and I think I have, you have to get caught stealing a car to get one. 

A side of baked beans costs $4. Please. Jimmy. Williamsburg hipsters will gladly pay $900 for a used Hold Steady lunch box, but they won’t pay $4 for baked beans. Hipsters don’t like anything that makes them gassy unless it’s the thought of someone finding their 11th grade yearbook and finding out that they DIDN’T actually love Wire or Gang of Four in high school.

Your Virginia Woolf Quote du Jour

I, for one, had no idea she was hot as balls. Gotdam - if you can pull off the hairbun and still be hot, that's fucking impressive. - XMASTIME on Virginia Woolfe (heh heh heh)

“At one and the same time, therefore, society is everything and society is nothing. Society is the most powerful concoction in the world and society has no existence whatsoever.”

—From Orlando: A Biography

Okay Guys...

...the whole bothsideism thing has really gotten out of hand now.

13 Years Ago Today

13 years ago today: took on Coca-Cola (lost) and declared a major life change. How'd I do? 🤔

Guiteau the Fuckouttahere

Earlier this morning I saw this Tweet and it cracked me up for some reason, so I decided it would be today's James A. Garfield post.

Until I was reminded of this:

 

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “haven't you been yammering for years that Guiteau's your favorite presidential assassin?"

Sigh. Yes I have, loyal fans. YES I HAVE.

Tweet du Jour

From a guy after his ex-wife's wedding. Was already comedy gold but the "btw he's allergic to dog food" at the end put it over the top! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Cult Movies, II

Five minutes after wondering what the difference between a B movie and a cult favorite was, and also what we consider to be willfully "bad" movies and what they mean to us as we re-watch them, The Ringer added another article about The History of the Cult Movie:

The same tawdry, NC-17 rated vision that rendered Showgirls a pop-cultural punch line in 1995, when dogpiling critics tried to convince readers (and themselves) that it was the “worst movie ever made,” now makes it look daring, subversive, and satirical. In 2012, the critics at Slant Magazine selected Showgirls as the 14th best film of the 1990s, a few spots ahead of Heat and one notch below Pulp Fiction. “Now that Tommy Wiseau’s The Room has been embraced by every hipster-than-thou cinephile in an orgy of self-congratulatory bad-movie worship,” wrote Eric Henderson, “a legitimately disreputable masterpiece like Showgirls still needs all the help it can get.”

Oscar-ratified talents like the Coen brothers, whose wonderful The Big Lebowski has transcended its mild reception to become a cultural touchstone, yielding ironic best-selling books like I’m a Lebowski, You’re a Lebowski, which at once parodies and peddles the idea of White Russians for the Soul. These and other more mainstream cult movies are worthy of appreciation and analysis, but the thrill of stumbling upon—or being guided toward—something truly unusual remains unmatched, especially in a moment when the internet has made everything (and every film) that much less obscure.

It turns out that the writer unfortunately buried the lede - the entire article could've been summed up with this sentence:

Ultimately, conversion is the ecstatic essence of cult cinema: the feeling of trying to share something rare and precious with somebody else; the excitement of having it offered to you.

Cult 45 (Plus 5)

The Ringer has just published a The 50 Best Cult Movies list. Maybe 20 years ago I thought I may have had an idea of what a "cult movie" was: cheaply made by mostly unknowns, not a box office hit but LOVED by every person who paid to go see it, and eventually warmed up to by more people after years of re-watching. Slap Shot is an almost perfect example of this. But today, I feel like I have no idea what makes a movie a "cult movie". I don't wanna be a snob here, but a movie like Empire Records doesn't feel like one to me - just because a movie kinda bombed and then later was on TBS nonstop for years doesn't make it a "cult favorite". Also, what about "B" movies - do they start out knowing their place in the cinematic world and stay that way, or do cult favorites start out as "B" movies that come to be taken more seriously as actual movies? But what the hell do I know?

Here's the ones from this list I've watched; I've put my Top 5 in red.

Kids
Harold and Maude
(finally watched this a few moths ago, and I feel like an idiot for not having seen it before. Great flick, and has that "the budget was $100" feel to it)
Hedwig and the Angry Inch (don't remember much about it, other than I watched it in the boudoir of a girl I was crazy about at the time. And no, the bedroom just happened to be where her tv was, so there was no sexual heroics from me that night)
Empire Records
(again, this is a fun movie to watch with a fun young cast, but cult classic?)
Slap Shot
(fits everything in the "Cult Movie Checklist" above. Do you know anybody who's ever watched this and didn't like it? No, you don't)
Clerks
(great fit as a cult movie, some great dialog bits, probably inspired a zillion crappy filmmakers to try and make movies of their own in the 1990s)
Showgirls
(terrible movie but Jessie Spano butt naked almost the entire time YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!!!)
The Warriors
Reservoir Dogs
Rushmore
(again - hard to see this as a "scappy little film that became a cult fave!" when it starred Bill Murray, but who knows how these thing happen. ome previous thoughts on Rushmore HERE)
Office Space
Heathers
Monty Python & the Holy Grail
(this movie means so much to me it's hard to think of it as a "cult" favorite, but I'll take any chance to talk about it, anytime. You can do a search on Xmastime about it and sit back for a few hours and enjoy!)
Wet Hot American Summer
Dazed and Confused
(who hasn't endlessly quoted this one? And it's another perfect example of checking off the "Is this a cult movie?" checklist)

Super Bowl Thoughts. I Have Them.

Have I beaten the media to pointing out Brady will now have played a Super Bowl in 3 different decades?

Not as hot a topic as this was, of course:

Tonight's game means that I will have seen Andy Pettitte pitch in three different decades. That's pretty interesting to me.

Also interesting to me? Sweet, sweet, stank. - XMASTIME 

OFAH du Jour

Ah yes, the fellas breaking down everything they know about women! Also, Trigger almost lets it slip that Del Boy and Marlene may have had a thing back in the day...

Friday, January 22, 2021

Doggie!

I heard this live yesterday and it made my day, Dog asking Steve Torre if he'd watched various tv shows and Torre simply saying "No" to each one. Had very much Barry/Robin Gibb vibes from the classic SNL sketch.

The older I get, the more I love Doggie every day :)


Goals. I Have Them.

I need to get a girlfriend just so when we get into a fight I can yell at her, "you walk round here acting like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth!"

Hammerin' Hank

Hank Aaron just died, at age 86. Incredibly enough, I've always thought he's somewhat overlooked/underrated; he never seems to come up in any "best ever" conversations. Meanwhile, much is made of him hitting 755 home runs - rightfully so, of course - but if you removed every single one, he'd still have 3,000 hits. Incredible. Also, I’ve lived on this planet for a while now and not once have I heard anyone say a bad word about the man.

Here's a series of Peanuts strips as he chased Ruth's record and the shit he went through.