"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you literally write the book about this subject many years ago?
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful reader. Yes I did. (psst - Chapter Six - only $2.99!)
In Brooklyn, children’s birthday parties had become the new wedding reception: endless free booze and food. Unlike the lame-ass birthday parties when I was a kid that featured a dried-out coconut cake and some asshole kid that inevitably spilled his soda all over everything, these parties had become “keeping up with the Joneses” events that served best those invitees who didn’t have kids themselves and therefore weren’t responsible for anyone else, all without having to give a shit about the costs. In other words, the Manny’s Holy Grail.
Hell, I preferred those to adult parties anyway, since adult parties without fail spun into late-night fights, embarrassing confessions, and regretful text messages found onscreen the next morning. A kid party meant I’d show up at noon, eat and drink my face off, and everybody was in a great mood since how could they not be, what with all the kids flying around the room like midget lunatics? Have a bunch of beer, laugh at the collisions, it's great. There's an innocence to a kid’s birthday party that keeps everybody light and happy.
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