The Equals

Earlier today GodIHateYourBand breathlessly called me, thinking he had some Equals trivia I did not already know. I gently let the wind out of his sails - yes, I knew Baby Come Back was a #1 hit a year after it had been originally released as the b-side to Hold Me Closer. Sorry GIHYB, but you shoulda known better as The Equals are my superslice of supslices. But you calling gives me an excuse to post about 'em, so here's Viva Bobby Joe (search XMASTIME for other Equals slices; they're on here.

NCAA Basketball Up to 1997

I will be posting one college basketball question per day up to the night of the Final. Oh yeah - each question and answer will be applicable only through the 1996-97 season.

ANSWER TO YESTERDAY'S QUESTION:
Indiana State, 1979

TODAY'S QUESTION:
Name the only coach to win an NCAA title after having played Major League baseball.

Good Lord

I'd say the Obesity Epidemic has officially won. I know I'm giving up!







Mukluks Tip: The Parsley Thief

A Prairie Home Companion

Like a lot of people, I enjoy listening to A Prairie Home Companion. Though I might enjoy it even more if these people could go longer than 30 seconds without MARVELING at how midwestern they are. The main virtue apparently being not talking a whole lot. Unless, I guess, it's on radio.

Is the Space Shuttle a Big Fucking Pussy?

I see the greatest mechanical engineering feat of our lifetimes, the Space Shuttle ("NASA's Hothouse Flower") has finally decided it's not "too windy" to land:

The shuttle touched down at about 3:14 p.m. ET. NASA had scrubbed an earlier planned landing, citing high winds.

Fucking christ. Just like with rain, as I mentioned in an old THINGS ARE GOOD:

6) I’m glad the space shuttle finally made it off the launching pad. This fucking thing can hold 50,000 tons of shit, blasts off with 12 gazillion pounds of pressure psi, immediately hits 28,000 mph and OH NO NO!!!....might rain later on, so we better scratch the liftoff. Wtf. Not very impressive, assholes. The post office builds its credo around walking around delivering the mail in sleet and hail, yet NASA can’t shoot this fucker through the atmosphere for 1 minute.

The Axl Rose of aerospace travel, isn't it? It'll land or take off when it's good and fucking ready.

ps - my gay sex stuff in the above Things are Good post was PRETTY amazing, worth a look ;)

Connections

The Bush Legacy Rescue team has been trying to paint Bush as a hero who kept us safe during his time in office - their argument being Bush kept us safe from terrorist attacks, except for when we got attacked by terrorists.

Hmm.

Then I see that Paris Hilton and her boyfriend got into a bit of a ruckus while out the other night, and I read her personal account of what happened here:

I had never seen anything like it in my life. Doug was fighting off like 6 guys. But he was of course stronger then them all but one of the idiots punched him in the face and busted open his lip.

Hmm. So...he was kicking their asses, until they actually fought.

I'm sorry, but doesn't this qualify as the official "checkmate" for Bush defenders? I mean, when the defense of Bush's record of defending America is the exact same as a night out with Paris, isn't it officially time to say you know what, Bush was fucking atrocious, I can't do this anymore? Not only that, but shouldn't this be the dawning signal that it's probably best to do the exact OPPOSITE of what Bush did on any given issue (WWBND)? It seems like at this moment people like Eric Cantor should say "fuck it; President Obama, what can I do for you buddy?"

Today's "No Shit" News

Osama Bin Laden Planning New Attacks on United States.

REEEEEally? Like, what the fuck else would you or I imagine him doing? "Now that his fantasy league baseball lineup is in place, Osama has turned his attentions to new attacks on the US..." For fuck's sake. Us finding him to be thinking about anything else actually WOULD be news - "Osama to announce who he likes better, Angelina or Jennifer." Fucking christ. "Xmastime thinking about hot chicks; how to have a funny line with 'squirrels' in it." Whatever happened to journalism??!?!!

Bore-a! Bore-a! Bore-a!!!

When I saw this article re: North Korea has a missile that can reach Hawaii, the first thing I thought was "hey, the last time someone attacked Hawaii we beat the shit out of them - BRING IT ON!!"

Then I remembered that that very attack caused a movie starring Ben Affleck to be made, which changed my thinking to "whoa, whoa, easy guys....let's not do something we'll ALL regret later on."

Life Imitating Art

I'm being 100% honest when I tell you that yesterday I read The Metamorphosis, and today I've spent most of the day flat on my back, unable to move like an overturned dung beetle. Fucking hell.

So I think you know what I'm thinking when I tell you what I'm gonna read the second my back feels better.

Xmastime: The Duets Series

Some of you know that I play guitar and sing in a band, and while I'd hardly call myself a "singer," I guess I'm just outrageously talented and will soon be shitting Benjamins on your face humbled to be able to share this small gift from God. So I decided hey, why not put together a string of duets, a la the absurdly less talented than me, musically as well as in the field of ass 'n crafts Frank Sinatra? I figure I'll get together with other whippits-addicted pussy hounds instruments of the Lord and record some songs.

For my first track, I called in the great Will Croxton from DT and the Shakes, and we knocked out You Can't Hurry Love, which you can hear below. I was gonna do a video, but just an MP3 makes things go quicker vis-a-vis the getting this shit done so I can go out and roofie some trim uploading of the music.

Any of you out there that wanna be a part of this series, please send an mp3 of yourself singing whichever song you wanna do. Due to whether or not you have a big rack and don't really mind fucking complete strangers what I'm sure will be a large number of entries, I can't guarantee you I'll choose you, but why not give it a shot? Thanks for listening!

You Cant Hurry Love.mp3 - WWTA

Vicadin, II

You people should be comforted that if our enemies try to subdue us by knocking us out with Vicadin, which I have no idea how to spell, yours truly will still be able to fight, as for the second night in a row I see this shit has no affect on me. Greeeeeeeaaaat.

But to cheer me up Brooklyn's own Royal Wylds passed along this video to me for your enjoyment. I was at this show, and recall that I 1) did not touch the free pizza 2) zeroed in on a Mrs. Xmastime, and had to suffer through another harsh lesson re: nothing I can possibly say to a girl when she's walking out of a bathroom is as funny to her as it is to myself. I'll get it right someday :(


Johnny Cash Died of a Broken Heart from Alex Itin on Vimeo.

I'm Confused

How could Paul McCartney have put Let It Be and The Long and Winding Road on the same album? The latter is terrible enough; put up so close to the former wouldn't it be even more atrocious to him upon first playback?

Let It Be = Beatle Super Slice
The Long and Winding Road = if The Short Bus wrote it today, I'd be like "hmm...you can do better, buddy."

I Got 99 Senators, and a Bitch Ain't One

I can't be the only one who thinks it's strange that we can go this long with only 99 Senators, can I? I mean, what the fuck's going on in Minnesota? Or does this happen a lot; is it normal to go door-to-door to count votes? How is this legal after a certain point?

Amy Winehouse Needs Help

Oh, man. Let's hope she gets control of this before it starts affecting her career, both money-wise and respect-wise. She's come too far, worked WAY to hard to start fucking things up now.

Can't Hardly Wait

Is there anything more thrilling than awaiting the Republican Budget Alternative? I mean, what will these wizards come up with THIS time? Tax cuts for the rich? Tax cuts for the SUPER-rich? Oh wait, I got it - all the poor people send their money to Bill Gates, who puts it through a shredder. Whatever the poor people can tape back together, they can keep! Thank you, Mr. Gates!

This is like waiting for Christmas to come, isn't it? Will Santa bring me a horsey carved out of wood, or wood carved into the shape of a horsey? Man. Exciting. Whatever they come up with, it will be pretty fucking fresh.

Heady Days for South Carolina

South Carolina unemployment has hit 11%. And while to somebody reading that it would seem like a big deal, but South Carolineans aren't worried because Soon-to-be-Governor-of-the-Year Mark Sanford is smartly showing up at the blazing fire with a book of matches instead of a water hose. By the time Sanford is done turning away money and costing people more jobs, a day like today with only 11% unemployment will feel like the "good 'ol days!" to people in South Carolina. So instead of writing articles about it and screaming at Sanford to take the federal money, let's let the nice people of SC enjoy these times with what I'm sure is a series of barbeques and Field Day events to celebrate a day like today. Enjoy it, guys!! We're all jealous!

Republicans are AWESOME!!!

Over at TOWN HALL Hugh Hewitt is asking how much money Rahm Emmanuel made while single-handedly driving Freddy Mac to place people in homes they couldn't afford so that Marxism can take over America, and asks the question

Would Karl Rove have survived on the White House staff after such a story? Would any Republican?

To even ask the question is laughable - if there's one they've we've learned over the years, it's that with any nefarious move any Republican makes comes swift and severe retribution; from President Bush to Vice President Cheney on down the chain. And a big difference between a Republican and Rahm "I will chop off a horse's head and leave it in your bed if you ask to change the tv channel" Emmanuel is a Republican would never have let things go so far as to be judged by others - recognizing that he has been making large sums of money in anything even remotely resembling quasi-questionable circumstances, the Republican would've given away that money to a soup kitchen on his way to turn himself in and throw himself onto the mercy of the American people. So Hugh, please: no more stupid questions!

White & Lazy

Brazil's president is blaming white people for the global financial crisis. Which is prolly tuff to argue, since 1) it seems like white people have been running things global-economy wise, so who else would you blame, and 2) as I wrote HERE, there may be an undeserved sense of entitlement which has led to softness/wild errors in judgement. As I wrote in that post, Brothatime! had had it with white people long before President da Silva has:

My brother just finished building his house, and by the end he pretty much stopped dealing with white American builders. A lot of these jobs were passed down to them; they'd breeze in around noon, poke around for about 1/2 an hour, then say oh, I forgot a tool, I'll come back tomorrow and then breeze back in three days later. So he got a Mexican crew and they bust their humps all day, every day. And it's not the money - my brother is happy to pay what he would anyone else as long as they're actually, you know, working. He claims that in 20 years the Mexicans will have taken over, and will deserve it. After all, as discussed in a post below, they've already taken over my armpits.

Ps - I believe the armpits line was a remark on my pits smelling like Taco Bell. If memory serves. Hey, who's hungry?!?!?!

NCAA Basketball Up to 1997

I will be posting one college basketball question per day up to the night of the Final. Oh yeah - each question and answer will be applicable only through the 1996-97 season.

ANSWER TO YESTERDAY'S QUESTION:
Virginia Tech, 1963

TODAY'S QUESTION:
Name the only school to go to the Final Four in it's one and only NCAA Tournament appearance.

You'll Sleep When You Quit Being an Idiot

I gotta call a moratorium on people that pat themselves on the back while exclaiming "I'll sleep when I'm dead!!" While I get the sentiment, it's 100% wrong in actuality. As in if Webster asked me to submit a definition for SLEEP, I'm pretty certain the word "restorative" would make an appearance. And there's nothing restorative about death - in fact, I'd say it's the opposite. And there's no reason to be restored, as you won't be getting up in the morning for anything. So.

Maybe I'm a little loopier than I thought. Hmm.

I Love It When Dick Morris...

...is on Laura Ingraham's radio show. As you know she is a Hall of Fame, Titties-Hanging-From-the-Rafters* All-Time Great on my Official Batshit Right-Wing All-Puss Team, so her having to say his first name 25 times in 10 minutes is, I don't mind telling you, a bit of a thrill. Even if he comes off sounding like a version of Harvey Fierstein that REALLY loves eating balls.

*unfortunate breast cancer pun (hey, camon, she lived, she's okay now!!!)








Whoa, whoa, whoa, Laura - can't we leave some details back in our boudoire where they belong??!?!?!

Vicodin

Because of my back, I took my first-ever Vicodin pill earlier (thanks GodIHateYourNewPillAddiction!) I was looking forward to adding "pills" to my already stellar "drunk dialing/emailing/texting ridiculously inappropriate shit to hot chicks" resume. But while it's eased the pain a bit, I'm not in much of a stupor. Other than my normal one, I guess. I'll keep you (ladies!) posted.

Joe the Union

It looks like plumbers are pissed at Joe the Plumber for "shilling against the Employee Free Choice Act." I don't know why - I mean, is it some sort of surprise he's on that side of the issue? Ask yourself: what the fuck does Joe the Plumber care about unions? As in the party for brain-dead, pretend plumbers-cum-GOP yippie dog mascots is a party of one. His union is already assembled and strong; why the fuck would he bother helping you with yours?

Evan Bayh Needs to Be Bitch-Slapped (Literally)

Evan Bayh has been a Senator since 1999. Which means that he spent many years having the GOP run roughshod over him, doing whatever they wanted. Hell, Bush even came out and said after his re-election that he had a "mandate" to do whatever the fuck he wanted. And now, after all those years, Bayh is a member of the party that controls the House, the Senate, AND the White House. So Bayh has decided that instead of using this advantage to move along legislation that could actually be representative of his and his party's ideology, he should probably step back and make doing these things as difficult as possible, what with his Blue Dog "moderate coalition" nonsense. I guess it's important to him to be able to help the party that the American people voted OUT of power and since has come up with absolutely nothing remotely resembling the direction that himself, his political party or, based on every poll I've seen, the American people would like to be going in. This is like competing with another gentleman for a lady's romantic affections, and after dueling courtships she decides she wants to be with you and not the other guy, but you say to her "well hold on now; did you know he writes poetry?"

Maybe Bayh is simply a masochist; maybe he's compelled to get bitch-slapped as much as possible? If that's the case, I guess the solution would be for him to date Chris Brown. Anytime he's about to make a move with his fellow blue dogs, he can sit in a car with Chris Brown, until Brown gets pissed off cause Harry Reid is trying to text Evan and beats the living shit out of him. Bayh's need for abuse therein sated, he can get back to doing sensible things like not getting in the way of progressive changes that can retard the hurtling of this country into the shitter, maybe? Just spitballing, here.






"Oh, god...oh my god, he early killed me!! oh my god...hey, you know what? Get Obama on the phone, let's go ahead and pass that bill. Who's up for Arby's?"

It Was Thirty Years Ago Today

Why Live in the Real World When You Can Fight Battles That Don't Exist?

The hilarity of Bachmann et al fighting for a bill to defeat a global currency that doesn't exist remind me of what I said before about the Freedom of Choice Act and Fairness Doctrine windmills they charged so hard after.

FOCA:

Last year, after spending almost $16M and 8 months crusading against a bill being pushed by Congress to allow retired squirrels to do people's taxes, I was quite embarrassed to find out that there was no such bill being bandied about after all. So if the Catholic Church needs some empathy after being told that the FOCA bill does not actually exist, they know who to call. Me, Mr. Red-in-the-Face.

FAIRNESS DOCTRINE:

I think Democrats pushing for the Fairness Doctrine is pretty asinine. I do, however, think the Republicans should be pushing for it. As in “if we hafta be embarrassed every day by jagoff blowhards who end up being the leaders of our party simply because they’re loud and dumb enough, then you hafta do the same.”

Working On a Dream Setlist

In the comments section of THIS POST blogstar KIKO JONES hipped me to an article with a dude giving his dream Springsteen set, and I couldn't help but laugh at the memory of me & Op spending HOURS crafting what we thought the set would be to whichever Bruce show we were going to on the Rising Tour. - we went to the 3/7/03 (met him, no big whoop), 7/27/03, 7/18/03 and 10/4/03 (final night of tour, Dylan popped up) shows (Op I think went to a few more.) We'd break down the setlists from recent shows, figure out which ones were "anchors" and which ones were "variables." Then we'd debate what we thought the variables would be for that night. Op always fought for lyrical themes in groups, I always linked songs by how which key one song ended and the next one began. I'm pretty certain I was probably never right with my picks. If these instant messages ever popped up I could never run for President; their earnestness would drive voters away "that's the gayest shit I've ever seen in my life" ;) Ah well. (crafting newest Bruce dream set list)

Mamalizza to the Rescue

Somehow, I fucking hurt my back - say, wouldn't it be cooler if those words were switched around to "Somehow, I hurt my back fucking"? Anyways, I guess I pulled something in my lower back. Hurts like hell. When I got here today I thought it was gonna be a long, shitty day. But then Mamalizza buzzed me, and came over with Big Bear and his little sister to lighten the load for me a little bit while having some laughs, and it was great.

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED:
Mamalizza wanted to bust loose outta her house and was sweet enough to come over and lighten the load and have some laffs (and treated us all to lunch! Sorry Op)

WHAT I IMAGINE IN MY HEAD:
Big Bear somehow sensed his Godfathah was in pain, and insisted on coming over. Mamalizza resisted; Big Bear kept on getting dressed/ready and insisting he was coming over to take care of his Godfathah. Mamalizza insisted they couldn't, Big Bear almost gets to the door before spinning around and announcing "My Godfathah needs me! Drive me, don't drive me, I'll figure out a way to get to him, no matter what it takes!" Mamalizza surrenders, and they load up and come over.

This is what it's come to. I used to fantacize about beautiful women and winning the lottery; now I make up dream scenarios wherein a 3 year-old insists on visiting me because my back hurts. Sigh. Quite a rockin life I'm putting together here.

Life as a Manny

I don't really think of the job aS GETTING PAID TO WATCH THE KID; HELL, AT THIS POINT I'D JUST AS SOON BE HANGING OUT BULLSHITTING WITH THE Short Bus (sorry for caps but guess what i aint re-typing that shit) as doing anything else. I think of it as getting paid for the fact that if it's on my watch that wolverines jump off the rooftops and eat him, I'd prolly hafta fucking hang myself in the shower.

homebirth

As soon as I walked in the door, I heard the noises coming from the bedroom in back - animal, feral noises. Yeesh, I thought to myself. The noises got louder as I neared the fridge, and the shouting started in full earnest a minute later, drowning out the sound of the microwave nuking my taquitos. I almost winced at some of the shouting, it was so real. I settled back on the couch, and I don't wanna sound like an asshole here but I did have to raise the volume 4 times during Real Housewives of New York City (SIMON -it's GIRL'S night out!!!! Stay the fuck home, dude!!!) to hear over the din comin from 4 rooms away. The neighbors are gonna hate me, I remarked re: the tv volume. The taquitos mighta been cooked for 15-20 more seconds, but I was settled on the couch, why get up?, so I just ate 'em. Then she appeared, and she was beautiful. I guess, I mean what am I, a fucking doctor?

Game Show

I think a great game show would be to put an adult in a chair, in a room with a tv set. Also in that room will be a two year-old and all of his toys. The tv comes on, and the adult tries to watch for 15 minutes while the kid is playing with his toys and randomly screaming his head off for no reason or asking you the same question 900 consecutive times. The person isn't even RESPONSIBLE for the kid. After 15 minutes you're quizzed on what you just watched, winning $10k for each correct answer. If anyone answers 3 questions correctly I'd be shocked.

UNACCEPTABLE!!! Did We Not Become Accustomed to Bush's Supreme Competence???!?!?!!!!!!!!

Oh, NO!! If Only Dick Cheney Were Here to Protect Us!!!!!!!!

Drudge Report also writes jokes: "hey, why don't they make the whole plane outta the black box!!! anyone?? ANYone??? Is this thing on??"

Michael Vick

Almost two years in prison I guess isn't enough; it looks like we're determined to bankrupt Michael Vick as well. And then, if he's lucky, Vick gets to grovel to not go into state prison once he's landed in Virginia.

I wrote this a year and a half ago.

So Scooter Libby is convicted of obstruction of justice, two counts of perjury and one count of making false statements to federal investigators. In a case which dealt with the outing of a CIA officer which, in a world where such things matter and the rules can't be changed on a whim, is a breach of national security. You remember national security, right? The thing that is pounded on us every day and for which we as citizens are supposed to gladly hand over our civil liberties and Constitution for? Right, that's the one. So Libby plays a part in comprimising national security - yours, mine, ours - and, thanks to who his buddies are, spends....zero months in jail. Nada. Back at the country club by Monday.

And yet Michael Vick gets 2 years? Yes I realize that I'm a cold man who will rot in hell for not thinking the single worst thing you can do in this world is kill dogs. Yes, I think Vick should be punished. Harshly. But let's take this moment to remember that we're in the middle of a "war" where men are dying and being mutilated in the name of our own "national security" - yet the people who have compromised our security are hitting the links while Vick's sent away to a prison cell, his career over. Seems, in a word, whack to me. Out of kilter.

Hey, guess what Scooter Libby is doing today? Playing golf, awaiting reinstatement to the bar in 2012. Yet Michael Vick is fighting for his fucking life in prison, during which we're desperately trying to bankrupt him as well. Gee,
that's what you get for being an uppity, rich n---er!I wish I could figure this riddle out!

This, my friends, is fucking embarrassing.

Bill O'Reilly

I've always been soft on Bill O'Reilly; I think I've always let myself fall for that "tryin to help the folks!" Levittown nonsense he's gotten away with forever. Even today, I can't find myself working up the energy to give a shit what he does; to me it's like getting pissed at Ann Coulter.

HOWEVER.

I think that if you ambush me at the 7-11, and then JAM YOU FOOT INTO MY CAR SO I CAN'T LEAVE, then I think I have the right to slam said door as hard as I can and take off, and if that means dragging you or your foot with me, then to me that enters the realm of self defense. I'm sorry, but you can't claim to be a champion of the sexually abused as Bill is trying to be in this case and then significantly threaten someone else's personal space in such a dangerous, threatening way - in other words, as a sexual predator would.

NCAA Basketball Up to 1997

I will be posting one college basketball question per day up to the night of the Final. Oh yeah - each question and answer will be applicable only through the 1996-97 season.

ANSWER TO YESTERDAY'S QUESTION:
Marco Lokar Congrats Nerdhappy! :)

TODAY'S QUESTION:
Who broke Kentucky's streak of season-opening victories at 37?

The Harlem Shuffle

Continuing with my XMASTIME REVISITS PRETEND COLLEGE theme of the week, I'm looking at the notes my prof gave for a paper I wrote on the Harlem Renaissance:

You have a great idea here. The main thing is more attention to the actual poems and perhaps more on the changing black character (look back at the assignment) - Dr. Cook

I have no idea what the fuck she's talking about and don't care; but I did notice she took the time to let me know that it was in fact her, the professor of the class, who made the notes and gave the grade (B-? wtf?!?!?) Which is prolly a great policy; I'd hate to get this paper back and get pissed off "what the...hey, Ricky, did you fucking get a hold of my paper and write 'good conclusion, should focus on poets first"??! What the fuck, man?"

Perceptions

For some reason, when I watch a show like All in the Family, which took place in my lifetime, I'm floored by how ancient it all looks - "oh my god, no computers! and no cable, what the hell do they watch! a rotary phone!!????" and the whole place is kinda dingy. But watching, say, Little House on the Prairie I never think twice about how far behind they are...I mean, they're riding around on horses to one-room schoolhouses. I guess the former is close enough to today to form a comparison that can seem huge in it's difference, while the latter is SO other-worldly I never consciously (or subconsciously) make the comparison to life today. And how is All in the Family such a favorite when there are NO Mrs. Xmastimes???!!!

The UG

The UG is the featured wordpress blog for all things Eastbound & Down. I don't know what that means, but it sounds impressive so go to his site :)

And yet. You sorry, lazy, ungrateful motherfuckers. Still I have no Wikipedia page. Thanks, assholes!

It's a Miracle!

For once Eric "Dumbshit" Cantor does something I agree with.

After attending the NRCC dinner, Eric, like President Obama has been known to do, enjoyed a night at the Verizon center. It was a bipartisan night, as Eric was joined by Senator Landrieu and other Democrats.

Sigh. See how my baby brings us all together?

How Evil are the People NOT Being Asked on These TV Shows?

Matt Yglesias is wondering how someone like Fred Malek would be a desirable choice for a tv channel to put on the air.

Malek is most infamous for the fact that on Richard Nixon’s behest he compiled a list of Jews working at the Bureau of Justice Statistics so that the paranoid and anti-semitic president could keep tabs on alleged conspiracies against him. But there’s really much more! He helped politicize the administration of justice all up and down the land, bailing out racist universities and corrupt unions and everything in between.

Two years ago I found myself wondering here why we were being treated to hearing what was rattling around in Oliver North's brain. I always wondered how a man who gained his fame from lying to Congress was given a nightly television show on which to spread his ideas. How do these people get these gigs?

Just Me...

...or have planes been crashing with regularity lately?

The Life of a Manny

I just spent 10 minutes trying to train Short Bus to say "Daddy, you should take me & Rats to Peter Lugers."

Sigh.

Chuck Todd and Sacrifice

Last night Chuck Todd asked Obama about not asking people to sacrifice more for the good of the country getting back on it's feet; and now everybody from Matt Yglesias to Rush Limbaugh have been howling re: everybody's already sacrificing, ie losing their jobs.

But when I think of "sacrifice," I think of WILLFUL sacrifice - as in if 500,000 lost their jobs last month, I guarantee you none of them did it willfully. Nobody willfully sacrificed their own jobs or homes for the good of the country. In fact, if you asked the average American right now if they'd rather lose their own job and therefore help the country sloooooooowly creep back to economic recovery somewhere in 2010 or if they'd like $25 million, which may or may not retard the progress of recovery, I guarantee you 100% of those people will say the $25M. Chuck Todd's question, to me, kinda reeked of that hollow emotionalism and "selflessness" that people who scream about spending/the debt we're giving our children like to portray when the camera's on. As in, nobody's really gonna do it themselves if they don't have to. So I feel like Chuck Todd, whom I usually like and is really good at his job, pretty much wasted his and our time with a fairly nonsense question.

But hey, maybe I'm wrong.

ALSO: the dude that pushed Obama with his "why'd you wait 2 days" question and complimented Andrew Cuomo while doing so. I'm assuming the dude isn't in love with Obama, which makes me think he might be a conservative (altho I have not bothered checking this so I could be wrong.) Sounds to me like he was saying something nice about someone from New York. Which includes New York City. You know, the "not real" part of America. I'd hate to have your readers get trapped into thinking nice things about a part of the country that does evil things like found amazing universities, and corridors of commerce and culture and, you know, the greatest democracy alive on the planet. Just saying.

Tit for Tat

If the Republican Party and their media jagoffs get to refer to the Democratic Party as the "Democrat Party," then the Democratic Party should be able to call the Republican Party "People Who Evidently Can't Read." Seems fair, no?

Fat Ass Has Clocked in Today

Rush Limburgerwithcheesebuthenchopoffmymantittiesandmeltthemdownintofattofryupsomefrenchfriestodipcheeseintoalso opened his show today harumphing that the ratings are in for Obama's presser last night, as the ratings are down from his last one. I guess according to Fatty, THESE TWO should be running the country?

Where Does Joe Scarborough Get This Stuff?

"You know, nobody remembers the words of John F Kennedy: ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." - Joe Scarborough, just now

What...what are those words this..."John F. Kennedy" once said? I have never heard these words!!! How has a sentence like this remained such a secret for all these years!! Thank you Monsier Scarborough for dusting off such sage counsel!!!! Do you have more to teach us!?!?!?!?!

Sincerely,
Smokey, a fruit fly that's been alive for 4 minutes

Congratulations Democrats, This is What You've Become

After seeing several articles, including the ones over the UG, it's hard for me to even tell if Bayh et al are feuding with or against Obama. Which puts them in the same category as Rachel Ray and Anthony Bourdain, who seem to wanna be in some sort of public feud, but can't really figure out how to really get the thing off the ground - one mentions shooting puppies and the other sends a fruit basket. It's like that scene in A League of Their Own, when the ugly chick is trying to bat but Tom Hanks and Geena Davis send conflicting signals to her, so she tiptoes back 'n forth in and out of the batter's box.

Free Food!!

Cuz we're FFF (Future Facebook Friends) Dominos has emailed me an offer for a chance to win free food for a year!!!! Fucking a, free pizza et al for a year. Not bad.

Course, some may say you'd be better off eating cat food for a year, but still. Free is free.

Sgt. Pepper

I know that as a Beatle-maniac I'm supposed to sniff coolly at Sgt. Pepper, but right now I'm moving it ahead of Revolver. And if you don't like it, well then as a certain somebody we all know and kinda love is want to say, "efffff yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!"



Slice breakdown HERE.

Barack Nodrama

Some fucking jagoff over at Breitbart.com is upset because Obama didn't crumble into a fireball of creamy tears or screaming during his press conference last night, bitterly reporting:

Served up opportunities to lead with his heart, Obama was cerebral. Cool and calming in a time of white-hot public anger.

Jagoff introduces some farm equipment in his most biting criticism:

But he didn't look angry. Nor did he sound much like a pitchfork-wielding populist.

Of course he's 100% right - certainly what we need now is the President showing up on camera hysterically screaming and crying; maybe the cameras follow him to the Capital steps where he yells at Congress to come out so that he can kick all their asses, a lá Brendan Frasier in School Ties?

Apparently President ZZZZZZZ acted in the three ways that are certain to drive a country off a fucking cliff, according to Jagoff:

Calm. Cool. Careful.

Cool, calm careful, OH MY!!!

Whatever happened to showing up in a flight suit and looking into Jesus' eyes to see his soul? When did that go outta sytle? Wtf...are we fucking Red China now?

A cerebral president...this is what it's come to, America. And that makes me sad :(

Three Minutes I'll Never Get Back

Not having tv opens the door to a whole new set of problems; for instance I just found myself startled "what the...did I really just sit through all three minutes of Yellow Submarine??!??!!!" grrrrrr

Maybe I'm Getting Even Dumber?

A coupla weeks ago it was announced that one's intellectual abilities reached a peak at age 22. I remember seeing this and thinking oh come on, I'm much smarter than I was at 22. Which is probably like Gary Coleman insisting he's way taller than he was at 12 years old.

But then as some of you know I have found a pile of my college papers et al and have perused them out of extreme gayness intellectual curiosity. And just now I'm looking at the Final Exam for my Literary Criticism class, a class I took when I was in fact 22 years old, and I see this is the exam:

In an essay no longer than 500 words, explain how either Aristotle or Alexander Pope would have interpreted this passage from Shelley as opposed to how either Northrup Frye or Adrienne Rich would have viewed the same passage.

I have no desire to read what I wrote as I'm sure it was atrocious/sophomoric, but in looking at my response I see that within the time allotted for the class I knocked out three pages for an answer. Which means that I looked at the question and then certainly SEEMED to know that the fuck I was talking about. Whereas if you asked me anything like this today, my head would fucking explode. I have no idea of who Frye or Rich even are, knowing me at this point I would "distract" the professor with about 300 words on "Shelley" being "Shelley Long," and in looking at it right now I don't think I even understand the question in the first place. And oh yeah - when I was 22 I actually had a girlfriend. Fucking christ.

Cuffed

Apparently some wife in Connecticut handcuffed herself to her husband, who called 911 for assistance, which you can listen to HERE.

I just heard it. Anyone else notice the dude seems to be out of breath? I'm not sure I understand that - I've never been handcuffed to anyone else, but I would think that one of the more unique things about being handcuffed to somebody else would be that on any list of solutions to the problem, "running away" would not be one of them. Wtf?

Fireside w/Xmastime

And I Wonder Why I'll Probably Die Alone

I just sat back in my chair and actually thought "boy, wouldn't it be cool if there was a stuffed animal of me?"

Sigh.

Tunguska Doc?

Is there a definitive documentary on The Tunguska Event? Or do I have to write it myself for NOVA? Wtf? And doesn't it sound graver as an "Event;" even more so if it was "The Tunguska Episode"? I don't know why, really...I wrote about it BACK HERE, where apparently I thought I had something to say about geothermal physics. Hmm. Cough.

Xmastime: Saving You Money YOU'RE WELCOME!!!

I know it's just a piece of sand on the beach, but one thing we can save money on as taxpayers is can we please quit going through the charade of paying the President $400k a year? I mean, whats the point - there is no need for money while in office, and then after he leaves office, all he has to do is lift a finger and he gets millions thru speeches/books et al. I mean christ, George Bush is making money on the lecture circuit, and he's a fucking retard a fucking retard. Camon, now.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!

Nerdhappy already answered todays NCAA question - Marco Lokar from Seton Hall.

Congrats, Nerdhappy! :)

You and The Gnat can get together and compare your prizes ;)

NCAA Basketball Up to 1997

I will be posting one college basketball question per day up to the night of the Final. Oh yeah - each question and answer will be applicable only through the 1996-97 season.

ANSWER TO YESTERDAY'S QUESTION:
UNC, 1957 both Final Four games

TODAY'S QUESTION:
A native of Italy, in my first college start I scored a Big East freshman record 41 points. In my next 33 games I scored a total of 99 points before leaving school because of reaction I received following my refusal to wear an American flag on my uniform during the Gulf War. Question: who the FUCK am I?

Old People

If you had a grandparent in their 70's, you'd probably be a bit squeamish to, say, leave your child alone with them for hours, or sit in the passenger seat while they drive a car. You probably wouldn't let them climb a ladder to change a light bulb, and you CERTAINLY wouldn't allow their decades-in-the-past way of thinking about things really affect how you live your life; you humor them and pat them on their head while they blather about the "good ol' days!!" when shoes were a nickel and black people used different water fountains and everybody respected their elders and got dressed up to go to the airport. And yet we don't seem to mind putting the highest judicial body of the United States whose jurisdiction includes the entire country in their hands, do we?

John Paul Stevens 88(!)
Antonin Scalia 73
Anthony Kennedy 72
Ruth Bader Ginsberg 76
Stephen Breyer 70
David Souter is a spring chicken-y 69

This seems incredible to me. More so, I have never once even heard anybody remark "isn't it strange that the most powerful judges in the land are mostly of the age of senility?" I'm not saying old people are as a rule useless, but for such powerful, important decision-making positions to be staffed by them? Seems odd, no?

Degan McDowell

Apparently Degan McDowell on FOX News compared the AIG bonuses to sexual abuse:

You don’t want to think if you get in bed with Uncle Sam he’s going to strip you naked, chain you to the bed, leave you there and then take nasty pictures of you and then put them on the Internet. Because that’s what’s been happening.

That's all fine and dandy - but what nobody in the media is talking about, on FOX News or elsewhere, is that I would like to get in bed with Degan McDowell, strip her naked, chain her to the bed and take nasty pictures of her and post them here on Xmastime. I mean check her out below; not bad, right? Thinkin bout giving her the spot on my official Batshit Right-Wing All-Puss Team that I ALMOST gave to Michelle Bachmann earlier. Maybe not as a starter, but definitely a solid backup, right? And Mrs. Hasselbeck, I'm still waiting for your vagina mold for my fleshlight paperwork.

Well, I'll Be

I was just in the grocery store and saw that they are now making EXTRA CRISPY tater tots. What the fuck? How do you make tater tots crispier? And are you telling me that we can make crispier tater tots and grow seedless fruit, but we still can't crack this alternative fuels riddle? REEEEally?

Turnstiles

Whenever I swipe my Metrocard and the message "Please Swipe Again AT THIS TURNSTILE", I get a little on edge: the "AT THIS TURNSTILE" part making me think it's fooling me into standing there while alarms go off in a library I have an overdue book at from 1985 and within seconds library ninja teams will come hurtling from the ceiling "We got you now, fuckhead!!!"

The Blue and the Gray

In my mind you're either a The Blue and the Gray guy or a North & South guy - I'm a devout B&G guy; I've always refused to watch the John Jakes flick. I remember vividly loving this mini-series when it came on; I remember having to win a coin toss with Brothatime!! to see the final night instead of a UVa vs. the Russians exhibition game. And it's been 27 years and I never saw it again until I just discovered it on YouTube, so I'm fucking re-loving it. Check out the first 10 minutes here, hit HERE to keep going.

ps - how the fuck did they keep Martin Sheen outta this flick?

Muddygut

I seem to have run out of things today to pat myself on the back about, so I took a trip back to Brothatime!'s erstwhile blog MUDDYGUT...turns out that in 2004 I was fucking amazing too. How bout that?

100 Movies

Yahoo has a list of 100 Movies to See Before You Die. I guess there's no cinema in heaven. I've only seen 29 of these...I thought I had seen 30, but it turns out the Breathless they mean isn't the Quaid/Ryder Jerry Lee Lewis flick. Oh well. I guess I have 71 more to see; I'm no hurry cause I have a lot longer to live so I'll ju

Michael Jackson

I've never believed Jacko really did anything sex-wise with those kids (though there's nothing about it that isn't strange), but if he's allowed to adopt children, then I see no more use for rules as a society. If an adoption agency can look at his Child Experience Resume and see

1) Might have fucked a bunch of kids
2) Almost threw own kid off a balcony

and think "sounds good!", I mean camon; R Kelly should then be allowed to hang out at Girl Scout meetings after drinking a gallon of water. For fuck's sake.

Squealer

My Animal Farm reference earlier made me think of this passage, and how this kind of thinking has us nodding along with the "we need to give shitty execs millions of dollars to stay at their jobs!" AIG argument.

"Comrades!" he cried. "You do not imagine, I hope, that we pigs are doing this in a spirit of selfishness and privilege? Many of us actually dislike milk and apples. I dislike them myself. Our sole object in taking these things is to preserve our health. Milk and apples (this has been proved by Science, comrades) contain substances absolutely necessary to the well-being of a pig. We pigs are brainworkers. The whole management and organization of this farm depend on us. Day and night we are watching over your welfare. It is for your sake that we drink that milk and eat those apples."

Hey, Whadd'ya Know

There's only so many shitty clothes that nobody will buy that you can come up with.

ORDER IN WHICH I'D BANG THESE GIRLS:
1) Whitney
2) Abstinence
3) AIDS
4) Mary-Kate
5) Dick chopped off in my sleep
6) The other one

Arlen Spector

Arlen Spector coming out and stating that he will vote against the Employment Free Choice Act is interesting to me; cause here's yet another example of a politician announcing that he's not real crazy about making working people's lives any better, yet he will win every election he ever runs in. Astounding.

Tho I remain impressed he single-handedly came up with the single-bullet theory.

The Chosen II

The Chosen is still available at the GW Bridge.

Still awaiting my laughs re: Watty on the cover reference.

Apparently It Costs The Average American Family...

...$1100 a year to not be Sweden. Congratulations, us!

But If There's a Douchebag Hall of Fame, He's Definitely In

While I was amazingly gracious to Curt Schilling last night, cause that's just the kind of guy I am, even though I don't really talk about it much; I 100% agree with THIS GUY: he is no Hall of Famer. The idea that it's even a debate baffles me.

Shit Ain't right

The frustrating thing about Who Wants to be a Millionaire? is that you can be the smartest person in the world (me) and yet since I don't watch Ugly Betty, I would've won $0. fucking a.

Republicans Want Less Dick

It looks like even the Republicans are sick of hearing from Dick Cheney. Though we still hafta hear shit like this:

But he has the right to speak out since he’s a private citizen.”

Which I suppose is true...but he doesn't have a right to be on tv yapping whenever he wants to. Which, as I originally wondered HERE, is baffling to me why these people insist on mining the thoughts of a man whose legacy is determinedly synonymous with incompetence. I mean, I'd rather have Sistatime! give her thoughts on forgein affairs on a show like Hardball. At least she'd be funny.

Xmastime Solutions

I guess my thinking re: the MTA being free is that it should be just like when people go apeshit over big sales. For instance, how many times have you heard someone talking excitedly about some store having shit for 50% off, and so they went in and dropped $300 and feeling great about it; when had there been no sale, they would have spent exactly $0? If you tell people “heeeeeeeeey, come in the city for free!” they might be tempted to say “fuck it,” and come in and drop $50 that otherwise would be collecting dudt on their dresser. The removal of such tiny fees has a strange way of psychologically unlocking people's minds and wallets.

Dick Farm

When I heard Obama trash Dick Cheney’s inane policies on 60 Minutes I winced; not because I don’t agree with Obama 100% on the matter, but because I know that gives Cheney an excuse to make the rounds this week and Sunday to blather his buffoonery ie there is no civil right or moral high ground worth keeping if it means Mr. Jones returning to the fucking farm.

The Mistake of the MTA

Every penny spent on the MTA is a penny spent on the city. Times 10. Nobody rides into the city and then just comes right back...everybody goes to the city and spends a LOT more...

There HAS to be a way to figure this balance out!!!!

New York City

So tonite I hear that the average NYC "token" will leap from $2 to $2.50

When I moved here in 1998, the price of a subway ride was $1.50

There is no way to justify the leap in price based on history.

However.

At what point will the MTA realize sponsorship, and that the tokens should be free? Isn't the MTA one of the biggest venues of viewership - how come NBC makes a shitload from commercials yet I can easily flip away; yet on a subway train I CAN'T flip way...why not make me watch commercials for Bud Lite or The Simpsons...I mean, if there ever was a trapped audience, this is it!!! Have the MTA buy this sponsorship, and we all can ride for free!!!

Secondly - ever since I've moved here I've made a joke 'if you leave my house you might as well light a $20 on fire', hahaha. It WAS funny, but I would think that the more people you get on the train, the more the city makes. We're riding into the city with at least $4; why would that NOT affect the city? Give us a free ride, we'll spend exponentially in the city.

If He Gets One Vote for the HOF I Will Go Crazy!!!!!

He's my least favorite athlete, a fucking loudmouth who didn't do shit til he was on a great team, and he SURELY does not warrant one vote for the Hall of Fame, but..

...I hate to admit it...

...and it's prolly more of tribute to my sister in law Pam...

...but if I use him for comedy, I have to acknowledge when he's done okay,...

...but Curt Schilling's retirement post is a classy one. And you know it kills me to say so.

NCAA Basketball Up to 1997

I will be posting one college basketball question per day up to the night of the Final. Oh yeah - each question and answer will be applicable only through the 1996-97 season.

ANSWER TO YESTERDAY'S QUESTION:
Al McGuire

TODAY'S QUESTION:
Name the only team to play back-to-back triple overtime games in the tournament.

And when McGuire rejected an invitation to the NCAA tournament because of where the NCAA wanted Marquette to play, a call questioning the decision came from the Marquette president's office. McGuire refused to reconsider.

“Father,” he sternly told the caller. “I don't hear confession and you don't coach this team.”

(The priest called back 15 minutes later and said, “You're right.” Marquette went to the less-prestigious NIT tournament instead and won the title.)

I Guess I've Always Been Chatty and Stupid

The other day I wrote about reading The Chosen in pretend college (The Harvard on the Appomattox), which led me to blow dust off some of my old college papers and ask myself "Where was Xmastime's head in the early 90s?" (answer: between thighs; this was, after all, college)

My favorite class was one I took on Arthurian Literature, for several reasons: 1) I had read Le Morte d'Arthur one summer as a seventh grader, so I had a leg up on my class, 2) I got an A despite the professor being a complete battle axe 3) The book was once again thrilling to read 4) for some reason I was the only dude in a class of 29. Fucking awesome!

Anyways, I wrote a paper titled The Complexity of Arthur; a paper I have no desire to read but in looking at the prof's typed notes at the end I see that some things never change:

Your writing style is colloquial (the way we speak in casual situations) + wordy

Number one, of course she was right - no matter what the forum, I think I've always written as I speak, which drove some professors crazy while others loved it, and I never miss a chance to use 100 words when 10 will do. Probably a gift from my mother, who wasn't satisfied until she told the same story 4 times in a row. It's who I am. And yes I was gonna do a copy and paste here with that last sentence, but I know you people have lives to lead, so you're welcome.

So just now I'm kinda chuckling, remembering her getting after me about my "colloquial" style every time I turned in a paper, to which I'd be like well, it's the best paper in this class and I best be gettin' an A, when it dawns on me that in that comment she actually took the time to type out what "colloquial" meant!!!! Good lord....a 400-level class, in which I got an A and would DOMINATE the daily discussions, and after she wrote the word she actually thought to herself "you know, I better LITERALLY SPELL OUT WHAT THIS WORD MEANS for this idiot."

Fucking priceless.

I should call her up, have a laugh about it. But, she's prolly morte. C'est la vie!!!

Publishing Industry

A reader took Andrew Sullivan to task HERE for his earlier comment:

"If any industry deserves to go under, it's the publishing industry."

When I saw that quote earlier it kinda struck me as harsh too; but then, I know pretty much nothing about the publishing industry, so I prolly assumed he knows something I don't and called up some fresh bitches moved on with my day.

But on one hand, I can't imagine anyone should be surprised if the publishing industry goes under - the internet did not appear last night; the industry has had years to adjust, be it Kindle, blogs, or their own websites etc etc. If they've insisted on being the music industry and doing the equivalent of churning out Ali Lohan cds for $18.99 and then wondering what the hell happened, well then I don't know what to tell you. Other than funeral homes no industry lasts forever; yeah, I would've hated being a horse trader when Henry Ford cranked up the first assembly line, but that's the nature (and definition?) of industry.

And I'm no tree-hugging Phish-listening hippie, but I gotta figure that if a major industry DOES hafta go down and it's the one whose basis for success pretty much means destroying as many trees as possible, well then maybe we can turn those lemons into lemonade?

COOKIES UPDATE

Total disaster.

Don't worry, I sent Short Bus up to his room. I can't let this shit go by unpunished. Fucking up cookies? Camon, dude. Grow the fuck up.

COOKIES:

Something else I apparently suck at. Awesome.


I blame The Short Bus - he put in the chips and sprinkles. Asshole.

Planet Earth 1988

I'm confused as to why one would be against doing something about global warming based on the argument that it wasn't caused by man. If a huge asteroid was hurtling towards us I'm pretty sure we'd be scrambling to do something about it, and I'm almost 100% the argument to do nothing since the asteroid wasn't caused by us would hold no water.

But hey, what do I know? I'm only XMASTIME! From Planet Earth! Nice to meetcha!!!!!

All in The Family

The Archie is Branded episode, from Season Three, is an astounding 22 minutes of situation comedy. Packed in it are racism, thought-provoking stances about whether violence begets violence, the looming shadow of organized violence, and in the end, shocking death. All while being, of course, hysterical. I'm not sure which is stranger/sadder: how relentlessly unimportant and stupid the American sitcom (along with movies and music) has become 36 years later, or that this exact exchange goes on today in 2009:

"This guy, and everybody knows it, is always putting this country down!! As fair as he's concerned nothing abut this country is right...unless it's left!"
"I believe in this country a lot more than you do!"
"What was that?"
"That's right! Cause I believe in it strong enough to accept some changes!!"
"Well it ain't gonna accept Communism, buddy!"
"Who's talking about Communism!! I'm talking about civil rights!!!"
"That's Communism!!!!"

Check out the episode on YouTube starting HERE.

Suicide is....Painless?

I have a friend whose brother killed himself, which always made me worry if suicide was something genetic; or, even worse, something that would happen on a Friday, therein ruining my weekend.

I thought of this cause it looks like Sylvia Plath's son killed himself yesterday. Of course this whole post is really just an excuse to marvel at the wrestling Von Erich family, Brothatime! and my favorite wrestlers when we were kids (whom I mentioned HERE this weekend.) Looking at their official family page, it seems Fritz Von Erich had five sons, and outlived four of them - three of them by suicide. Which sounds genetic. Yeesh.

FUNNY ASIDE:

On June 4, 1986, Kerry was in a motorcycle accident that nearly ended his life and left him with a dislocated hip and a badly injured right leg. Doctors eventually had to amputate his right foot.

Kerry was able to keep his amputation secret for a while. However, during a match on an AWA card in Las Vegas against Colonel DeBeers, Kerry's secret was exposed. During the bout, DeBeers ended up on the outside, but he grabbed Kerry's foot and tried to pull him out of the ring. However, he ended up pulling off Kerry's boot with the prosthetic foot attached.

New to Me

It's unbelievable I'm putting Girl in Their Summer Clothes in my all-time Bruce Top 10; could it really be true I'm putting this song #2, right behind Born to Run? How is this possible; a fucking band I love wherein the difference between my favorite song and my next favorite song is 32 years? WTF? Is this possible? no no, I'll keep listening...

Bout Sums Up the Bush Years, No?

Tax Bullshit

Last week I wrote this:

Sometimes I wonder if members of Congress spend too much time out-thinking themselves - political twists within themselves and blocs determined by political games within political games, thinking that come re-election time they will be rewarded for these efforts/games etc.

But the theory of Congressional Stagnation tells us that most voters aren't really paying attention anyways, and, short of getting caught dating a Cub Scout, the odds that you will be re-elected in your district are incredibly high. Which means you probably don't necessarily need to do political grandstanding and gamesmanship-filled filibustering to keep your job. You can probably support things you think are actually good policy and make sense, without having to stoop to make yourself look like a clueless idiot/complete jackass for the party line, and still get re-elected with little to no worry.

As in politicians seem to think we're all Josh Lyman, keeping political scores every minute of the day. For fuck's sake. And when I saw Yglesias' post earlier today HERE, it made me think the the same idea applies to taxes.

But stepping beyond this, why on earth would anyone believe that Ricardian equivalence holds? The theory is that a tax cut today can’t boost spending tomorrow because people will know that taxes will have to rise in the future.

This shit drives me bananas - who actually believes people are that cognisant of tax rates as salaries go up? Do any 5 people you know have any idea about how income tax rates really work? Have you ever turned down a raise cause you'd hafta pay more taxes? People wanna make as much money as they possibly can - yeah they'll bitch about paying more in taxes, but that's just human nature - nobody loves paying taxes. But do you know anybody who said "$250k? Nah. I'll stick with making $30k; I don't wanna pay more taxes"?

Of course the best example is Joe the Dumber - famous soley because he was so worried about what his taxes would be if for some reason his income all of a sudden leapt by about 500%, Joe certainly didn't hesitate to go sprinting to a new career as Batshit Right Mascot for a shitload of more dough, did he? He's surely in the very tax bracket he was so worried about last year, and to him it's even worth going to Israel for a spell to get even MORE taxable cash.

As I've bitched about it on this blog a million times, a lot of people vote according to stupid shit like how much in taxes they'll hafta pay if they win the fucking lottery. But while they foolishly VOTE that way, they don't LIVE that way.

More Buddy Holly

I did a little digging around to hear more about the Buddy Holly Phone Call, and found this bit here:

After this phone call Buddy went to Brunswick Records and re-recorded those songs his way - one being That'll Be The Day. Decca went to sue but one funny thing happened. Decca owned Brunswick. Buddy won, and was rather savvy in the process. I won't go into the entire session Buddy had with Decca but this phone call sums it up. I was pleased to know it was rather hard to find a photo of Paul Cohen anywhere on the net, I actually just found this one. Fortunately for Buddy (and for all of us) it's a priceless few moments of who Buddy really was - especially in the face of a guy like Paul Cohen. I was quickly reminded all over again why I'm such a fan.

and even more details HERE:

"I love that Buddy plays the role of the polite dumb hillbilly while in truth being smart enough to be recording the entire conversation."

If you don't like Buddy Holly, then I don't like you.

Would like to know what the songs other than That'll Be the Day were.

Living Legend

Peggy Sue is alive in West Texas.

I was gonna post a video of Buddy playing Peggy Sue, but stumbled upon this, a phone recording of him on the phone with DECCA. Incredible - for one, I'm not sure if I've ever really heard tape of Buddy Holly talking. Plus that such a recording exists seems spooky, like a ghost from outer space.

The Chosen

For some reason one of the little shops in the George Washington Bridge Terminal not only sells books alongside batteries and coffee, but books you’d find in your college bookstore. I don’t just mean The Red Badge of Courage or The Grapes of Wrath; I mean books like Algebra II, or Physics 313, or a whole rack of Cliff Notes. This is very funny to me - I have no idea how these school books got there next to stacks of used video tapes for sale in a store where people buy the paper and coffee, but what the hey.

Anyways, I saw a sign that they’re going out of business (NOOOOOO!!!!! What happened??) and everything is at LEAST 50% off, so I went over to catalog what books I’m gonna buy Tuesday when I roll through there again. And I’m flipping through and I see The Chosen, by Chaim Potok. Now, I live a few blocks away from an outrageously huge and determined Hasidic Jew neighborhood; while in real estate I dealt with them every day. And yes, “dealt with them," as in “managed to get through the day without killing them or me” is the correct choice of words here. Believe me.

My senior year of play college, as an English major preparing to teach, I took a class called Literature for Young Adults. It was a great class; not only discussing the theoretical philosophies of do kids read and what should they read, but our book list was, in fact, books for teenagers. The Chosen. Fallen Angels. Man Without a Face (slice). Going Home. A Day No Pigs Would Die (SUPER slice.) Father Figure. Children of the River. Fade (Cormier!) The Pigman. And some others I can’t remember/don’t care about.

Having grown up in Pigshit Nowhere, VA I had no earthly idea what a Jewish person was; as far as I knew it was the Catholics vs. the Baptists for the world title (and Baptists outnumbered us in my town about 100 to 1. At least.) So I remember reading The Chosen and being slightly fascinated with it but knowing that I had no earthly idea what the fuck 75% of it was even talking about. So when I saw it on the shelf the other day, I knew I had to get it and read it again, since I know SOMEthing about the Jewish faith now. If I know 0.000000000000000000000000000000001% of what there is to know believe me, I’m light years ahead of what I knew when I originally read the book.

SIDE NOTE: Just found the paper I wrote on The Chosen from that class. At least I was a bit self-aware about the whole thing:

Everything I’ve ever learned about Jewish people has come from a Billy Crystal album, coupled with my brother having a Jewish roommate everybody calls “JewMoney” and a few jokes I am reticent to recite here when a grade hangs so closely in the balance.

Tho in reading this paper as compared to ones I wrote for some of the other books, I was definitely way into this book - thanks to the pulling of the two boys towards each other despite their differences as well as the heaviness of the religion throughout, which was probably appealing to me at the time. I’m looking forward to reading it again, I must say.

In the meantime, I will now list my professor’s hand-written notes alongside my paper:

Yes, a glossary would be helpful
Good insight!
How enlightened… (obviously sarcastic)
Good point
Envy is never pretty
Interesting connection
YES!
You have a great future writing blurbs

SIDE NOTE II: As the book came out in 1967, I have no idea how a 1988-era picture of my buddy Watty is on the cover. Life, eh? Kick in the pants.

This is What It's All About, People (Wiping Lone Tear from Corner of Eye)

Now this is a nice story: apparently Metallica surprised everybody with a small club gig at the South by Southwest Music Festival in Austin, TX. I'm searching for blogs as we speak to get eyewitness accounts from people in the audience who were expecting to see a show by one of the many up & coming, unsigned young bands who probably spent the night sleeping in their van so they could play the show and yet were treated to a set by the world's best-selling heavy metal band who joked about being FROM Norway, which might seem funny to some since they recently BOUGHT Norway. What a great night that must've been!!!! Wow!!! Paid money to go to the show and stand on the precipice of discovering the newest art forms music is about to take? SHEW!!! Bullet dodged - you'll get to hear another bone-crushing version of Enter Sandman instead!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Metallica = FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NCAA Basketball Up to 1997

I will be posting one college basketball question per day up to the night of the Final. Oh yeah - each question and answer will be applicable only through the 1996-97 season.

ANSWER TO YESTERDAY'S QUESTION:
Texas Western's Bobby Joe Hill, 1966

TODAY'S QUESTION
What coach told the NCAA Tournament to go fuck itself when they tried to send his 26-3 team to Dallas, and took his team to the NIT instead (which they won)?

Oh, I Get It...

...we're supposed to dedicate ourselves to kissing Israel's ass, tip-toeing on eggshells while they nap on the couch after coming home from a hard day's work so we don't upset them, and they get to tell us to go fuck ourselves. This is just like the last time I loved a girl; AWESOME!!!!