Things Are Good

With Xmastime gone, I'd like to ensure that his absence won't be traumatic:

* "Boy is that president STOOOPID. A regular Chimpie McHitler. [INSERT 135 words or extraneous, unfunny crap here] He's so stupid he makes Ronnie Ray-Gun [cue the comedy stylings of comic master Richard Belzer circa 1983] seems like Dick Cavett."

* "WAKE UP, People! Stop the MaDNEss! Haven't we have enough of Chimpie McDuncer? It's on us. We just don't care. But we need too. VOTE, people! [INSERT 300 words, 297 of which are adjectives].

* "Did you know Barack Obama's middle name is Hussein? Just like 80% of the cashiers at 7-11" (ba-dum-dum, "thank you, I'll be here at the Laugh Factory thru Tuesday").

* "What kind of nation are we that pays Alfonso Soriano more money that teachers? [INSERT 240 words of faux outrage here, because Xmastime never paid dick to watch a public school teacher teach, but he lays out scads of cash for 'folk heroes' like Bruce Springsteen, dudes who have gotten so self-important that they actually will interrupt their pop - YES, POP! - songs to explain that indeed, the screen door slammed, and Mary's dress waved, but not like a hand waving at you - more like the waving of an ever-fading American flag as it is battered and bruised but 41 shots . . . 41 shots . . . 41 shots . . . . 41 Shots . . . 41 Shots . . . and CHIMPIE MCStoopidhead, and blood in gravel, blah, blah blah]. So , I got the kung-fu grip on my man stick while watching porn and they cut to a male reaction shot and I'm like, horrified, yet aroused."



Xmastime and his muse