1) Send an 8x10 headshot. A nice, black and white shot of your face, show me your beaming smile. Let me see who I'll be talking to. Ooh, and by black and white I mean the film - obviously your face should be white.
2) Also a nice body shot - let's be honest here, something in a bathing suit to show off your figure. That way I'll get to cut through you fat chicks and get to the hot ones.
3) Also a picture of you in same bathing suit, bent over with four fingers buried in, shall we say, your "Golden Palace of the Himilayas."
4) A cup of my semen. I don't care how you get it, who you hafta blow to...well, I guess that would be me....just get it. And just in case you try to fake me out, I know EXACTLY what my semen smells like (orchids).
5) Hint: I like frozen waffles. A lot.
6) Served between your bosoms that are still sweaty from alphabetizing my porn, all the way from "Anal Encounters I" to "Anal Encounters CDLVII"
7) Another hint: if you have a hot Mom, get her involved. Been into the hot mom/daughter thing lately. Leading the charge, of course are the Lohan girls.
Wow. Mama mama. Toothy! Is is possible to have something hotter than a hot mom and daughter together? I mean, just look at Lindsay....knowing that at one time she did in fact touch Dina Lohan's snatch. Passed right through it, matter of fact. Was where you wanna be! You KNOW those tiny new, pursed, searching lips (and tongue!) brushed up against Mama Lohan's sweet-n-low walls. Out of bounds to suggest while entering this thing called life her tiny womanhood slid against Dina's Tunnel of Xmastime??! mmmmm...titties against snatch!!!!
8) A file, as I'll prolly go to jail after this. I would think the only thing worse than "kiddie porn" would be "as they're being born porn." Christ. I can't win.
9) A "What's Happening!?!?" dvd
I will announce the winnner on the 13th, and on the 15th will post the graphic, nasty, bordering-on-the-"was that a human?" details from our night of, as they say in South Dakota, "amour." Good luck!
XMASTIME
5 comments:
From this day forward, this day will be known as BLUE THURSDAY! You'll never blog the big rooms with this material kid, but I like your style. Look for that picture of me in your inbox.
Yeah, what's the story, Xmastime? You're not an equal opportunity lovah?
"Beauty and dysfunction. Hard to look, but harder to look away." What's it LIKW to be you, Xams?
I can say that it's probably better than this side of the keyboard as I sip my morning martini.
Black friday don't like it one bit.
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