Gout Doctor

So Saturday I finally got to see a doctor about my gout. (remember my social worker appt HERE) Actually, what I saw for three hours was two medical students - the 2 minutes an actual doctor breezed in, I was distracted with staring at her hand wondering "is that a fucking rash???!!?"

Anyways, mostly I gave blood for gout tests while they poked and prodded at me ("Like a day at the spa for you," quoteth RRTHUR (yes ladies, THAT RRTHUR!)) They were very sweet and concerned, and want me to come back regularly so they can work on me getting back to a "healthy lifestyle." Doctor-ese for "not big as a house." When I go back next month they will have a diagnosis, and can start me on treatment so I'm not racked with excrutiating pain in my joints for the rest of my life. Ugh. And oh yeah - I found out that Aleve, which I've basically been munching by the bucket to ease pain, causes high blood pressure and shreds the liver. I'm sure my liver has been very grateful. "Thanks buddy - the barrels of embalming fluid from the Nest you've been sending my way for 11 years hasn't quite destroyed me yet, so these pounds of Aleve should really do the trick and send me to the shitter. Can't you just lacerate me with a machete like a normal person?"

My best laugh was when they asked me if I wanted an HIV test, in the event that I had been having unprotected sex with multiple partners. "I wish," I sighed.