XMASTIME: Saturday Night I Urinated All Over Myself In Bed

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Thursday, April 02, 2009

Saturday Night I Urinated All Over Myself In Bed

Don't worry, story forthcoming. Meantime I only have a few minutes of sitting.

MY WEEK SO FAR BY THE NUMBERS

Number of Hours Bedridden: 123 and counting
Number of Hours Before I Was Able to Crawl Out of Bed and Try to Walk Around: 54
Numbers of Hours Before My First Dump: 120
Number of Times Masturbated: 0 :(
Number of Times I've Gone that Long Before: (penis doesn't understand question)
Number of Things I've Eaten: one wonton soup, one apple

Meanwhile, your outpouring of concern has been overwhelmingly touching, heartfelt and appreciated; so much so that I've posted some of my favorites HERE for everyone to see. Again, thanks so much to all my fans.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...: Feel better you gout-ridden shitbag.; 5:01 PM
Anonymous said...: Just for the record, that wasn't me. Get well soon.; 5:05 PM
Kiko Jones said...: Didn't know. Feel better and get well soon, friend.; 8:20 PM
The Gnat said...: Sorry, XMAS. I thought you were busy in the corporate world all week. . .; 10:06 PM
The Gnat said...: Oh yeah, today I am in Boston for the first time ever. Dey all sound like your welatives heah. Wicked smaht tho.; 10:07 PM
Xmastime said...: my people!!! if you swing by a Patriots' practice, look for Aunt Pat at the blocking sled.

thanks, Kiko!

and anonymous! :); 12:04 AM
SKL said...: I was starting to worry last night, really. I know, four days in but still. Glad you are (semi-) mending.; 12:14 AM
Nerdhappy said...: You ate an apple?; 9:26 AM