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Thursday, July 08, 2021

Has Jerry Seinfeld Been Ripping Me Off For Years?

Prognosis? YES!

Xmastime, 2009:

I don't know why people always say "at least he went doing something he loved." What? Why the fuck would that be good? Let's say I'm about to play basketball for an hour, but drop dead as I start playing. That means I am robbed an hour of doing what I love doing. Why is this good? Ever hear anybody say how thrilled they were about having to stop in the middle of doing something they liked? Who's the wizard behind this saying?

I wanna go doing something I HATE, like if I'm staring at a pile of shirts that need to be ironed. If you gotta die, you might as well get out of doing something you hate, right?

Jerry in his 2020 Netflix special, 23 Hours to Kill:

We also like to say things to make ourselves feel better. “Well, at least he died doin’ something that he loved.” Yeah, well, okay… but he’s not doin’ that anymore. Also, not sure how in love with it he would still be… after the very negative outcome. I’d like to die doin’ somethin’ that I hate like cleaning a row of outdoor Porta Pottis. Clutch my chest, drop the brush, keel over, and go, “Fantastic. At least I’m done with that.”

Jerry, I will be expecting a comically fat check, and then we can be bff!

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