Serial adulterer and self-proclaimed smartest blow job aficionado in the room Newt Gingrich didn't know how to file to run for Virginia's Goat Rodeo. Then Newticles compared his failure to the attack on Pearl Harbor. Then Newticles declared that his campaign will hold the mother of all write-in campaigns. Then Newticles learned that write-in campaigns are against the law in Virginia.Look, this is bullshit - Newt Gingrich is a BIG THINKER - he doesn't have time to go around making sure people are collecting fucking signatures!!! Newt's about BIG IDEAS and then using hyperbole to explain to those with smaller brains than him (ie, everybody) why his big idea is amazing. Sometimes it takes several attempts to get people to grasp why any one of his ideas is so amazing, which takes time. Anybody can DO stuff; look at me: I'm typing! I'm typing this, now I'm typing this, look. I am still typing! Since I've been pecking away Newt's probably come up with three BIG IDEAS that can save humanity, so excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse the fuck outta him for not going from door to door begging for signatures like Girl Scouts selling cookies. A collective "Newt, we're sorry" is the next thing I wanna hear out of Virginia. And the shit better be sincere too. Maybe accompanied with a big chocolate pie.
On a side note, it appears Rick Perry DID try to get the signatures but fell short of the 10K, giving me hope that my home state is smarter than it sometime wants us to think.
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