Over the last coupla days on the Food Network I've seen commercials for new shows coming up, and they're all the same fucking theme: easy, quick meals that any harried mother can throw together in 30 minutes. While a show like that has it's place, it seems like every new show is based on Sandra Dee, who has now made a tv career out of showing us how to make cookies from packaged cookie dough, all with a shit-eating grin as if she had just invented the reach-around. What the fuck - Rachel Ray used to be the resident "non chef" on the channel, now she looks more and more like Marco White every day. I've already screamed re: the avalanche of cleavage on the channel here. When I first started watching the channel almost a decade ago, the majority of the hosts were great chefs. Even Emeril, who has become a bit of a Muppet punchline, was and is a classically trained great chef. Now, we're getting an assembly line of Sandra Dees; or, even better, shows whose gimmick is "regular, goofy guys who can open a pack of hot dogs!" Fuck that! I'd rather watch someone like Mario Batali slowly teach me how to make toast for fuckssake. And I've thought about how much they're gonna go towards dumbing the channel down, and I've decided I'm gonna propose a show wherein I jump into cars at drive-thrus and help people order.
"Don't get the combo, get the Bic Mac and then 2 McChickens. Maybe they'll accidently throw in fries for free, they're so used to people ordering the combo meals."
"What about a soda?"
"We'll grab a soda at 7-11."
"Wow, THANKS Xmastime!" beep beep!
"That's our show, join us next week as we go south of the border...that's right, TACO BELL! Ole, everybody!"
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